The Casual Vacancy (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

You feel better just looking at it.

~ Howard!
~ Hmm.
~ We've got to show it to them.

It's irregular, hasn't been tabled.

~ Oh... "Other business".
~ Yeah.

And it's chairman's prerogative.

You can't let Barry Fairbrother
and his tribe of do-gooders

stand in the way of progress.

~ Those junkies and plebs
streaming through our village.
~ Hmm.

~ Oh!
~ We must raise the drawbridge
and lower the portcullis.
~ Exactly.

They'll just have to accept that
Sweetlove House has had its day.



Hmm. That'll get their goats.

Their goats will truly be got.

Yeah.

Oh, this'll really put
Pagford on the map.

That's good, I'll remember that.

Barry Fairbrother.

~ Oh, hi, Barry.
~ It's Sunday!

~ I know.
~ Go home.

Uh-huh. I've got a
rather a lot to do.

~ You see...
~ It's all going to be fine.

Go home, Miles. We'll
sort it out tomorrow.

Selling herself... again!

As if anyone's going to pick
THAT up and going to pay for it.

20p tops and that's charity.



She can hear you, you know?

Do you want me to take your
telephone number off her record?

No, keep it on.

You charging her?

Like I want the paperwork.

Come on, Terri!

Your knight in shining armour awaits.

The pleasure's all mine.

It's not like the old days.

How's your mum? Is
she all right, is she?

She died 15 years ago,
you came to the funeral.

Right.

Oh, that's a shame that.
That's a real shame.

Yeah, she was such a nice lady.

You know, so kind and...
do anything for anyone.

You take after her.

I'm not giving you any money, Terri.

I just need to get some stuff
in for the house, you know?

Like some food, cos I got nothing in.

If you need groceries, I'll get some.

I'll even buy your fags, but
I am not giving you any money.

Why not?

You know why not.

You know...

You know, actually you're not
nice and you're not kind!

~ You're just a...
~ I'm a wanker, I know.

You've told me before, many times.

You know, if I die... you know
it's going to be your fault!

You know?

~ Stick with it, Terri.
~ Oh, fuck off!

~ Stick with it.
~ Fuck off!

I'm so sorry.

Now, if I might continue?

Yeah, sorry.

Character references,

plus a reference of
the applicant's bank.

And we should interview them,
if they're outsiders,

~ make sure they're Pagford people.
~ For an allotment?

Remember the tomato
blight dispute of '97?

~ Do you remember that?
~ Yes, I do.

~ Carnage!
~ Every caution must be taken.

We should waterboard them,
just to be on the safe side.

~ Guardian reader.
~ Can we have a show of hands, please,

for the allotments?

Motion carried. Good. Good.

Now any other business?

Sweetlove House.

You've been asked to table
a proper discussion for ages.

The vote's in a month and now you spring
it under "any other business"?

Chairman's prerogative.

~ We just thought it would be useful
to air some thoughts. Hmm?
~ Hmm.

Democracy in action.

~ If you please, Shirley.
~ Oh.

As Dr Jawanda has reminded us,

'tis a mere matter of weeks

before the parish council will
vote on Sweetlove House.

Is it still fulfilling its remit

of being for the enjoyment
and betterment

of the people of The Fields,
or does it have another future?

Oh, a boutique hotel and spa!

~ Oh!
~ If we felt that the House has had its day,

then the developers have
done a little mock-up

of what it could be like.

~ Oh!
~ Ta-da!

~ Oh, Shirley!
~ Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, that's lovely!

~ You feel better just looking at it.
~ It's divine!

~ So they've been consulted already?
~ Well, nothing's set in stone,

but this would really
put Pagford on the map.

What would happen to the food bank,

the clinics, the counselling, all
the services, where would they go?

The food bank could be somewhere
nearer those who need it.

Perhaps it could be
in some sort of van.

A food bank on wheels.

Then it could go straight
to the estate.

What about my methadone clinics?

The town has exactly
the same services.

You have to catch a bus into Yarvil,

an expensive bus with
an unreliable timetable.

Recovery is a very fragile process.

Oh, they'd get that bus if there
was heroin at the end of it.

They'd crawl on their
knees over broken glass

if there was drugs to be had.

Perhaps we could have
a show of hands,

see which way the wind is blowing.

~ Erm...
~ We're running low on time, Barry.

"Restore, rejuvenate, revive.

"Immerse yourself in wellness."

Lovely photos.

Look at their lovely teeth.

Lovely hair.

Lovely Pagford people.

They'll pay a lot of money
to be "immersed in wellness".

And this... this'll make Lord and
Lady Sweetlove a few quid, no doubt.

That's not what Sweetlove
House is for.

If we vote for this, then
what we're really doing

is removing any reason for the people
of Fields to come into Pagford

cos they've got problems.

So many problems.

Yeah, keep 'em on the
estate, away from us.

Cos they're not
picturesque, are they?

They don't... they don't
look like that, do they?

~ Haven't got a pot to piss in, most of them.
~ Language!

That's erm... that's
social engineering.

~ That's... apartheid.
~ Yeah.

You hang on a minute, would you?

Herding people into ghettos because
they don't fit the aesthetic.

There's a name for that, isn't there?

~ Bill. Bill, you stormed the
Normandy beaches, didn't you?
~ Yes.

~ Fighting fascism?
~ Yes.
~ Now, look what's happening here.
~ How dare you!

No, how dare you, Howard!

"Immerse yourself in wellness"?!

That house helps people to live,
for Christ's-bloody-sake!

Language! This is a Church,
remember? It's disgraceful!

Oh, you find language
disgraceful but not this?

Well, I...

The parish council's not here

to make a quick buck for somebody
who already has more than enough.

We are the guardians
of something unique.

We are the custodians and the
stewards of a shining principle.

We do not turn our backs and
look away from people in need.

Our vote is in response to a simple
question enshrined in law.

In law.

Is the legacy still of benefit?

Yes. It has never been
so important. Never!

When we vote, we must
vote to protect it.

It's that simple.

You can have your show
of hands now, Howard.

Excellent, Barry. Excellent!

Yeah. Who says there isn't
passion in politics, eh?

Thank you, Barry. Yeah.

Right, those in favour?

And those against?

One vote out.

Close.

'Going to take you back to 1981 now.

'Kim Wilde.'

It's going to get dirty.
I like a fight, me.

~ You were brilliant.
~ I might have gone a bit far.

And, Tess, you can't keep being
late. So late! How does it look?

I'm sorry, I took my watch off,
cos it pinches, and forgot.

Well, get a longer strap,
for heaven's sake!

~ How's tricks, Sukhvinder?
~ Oh, she can't hear you,

she's got her music on.

Honestly, if I didn't
drag her out with me,

she'd just mope in her room.

I literally drag her or she'd
just sit inside all day.

Come on! Take those
bloody headphones off!

Sukhvinder!

She doesn't mean to
be sharp, you know?

~ I was very late. Are you all right?
~ Have you got revision?

Are you all right? You
don't look very well.

Had a few beers last night, now
I've got a thumping hangover.

~ Can't take the pace.
~ I know.

Three sips of Cava,
I think I can twerk,

four sips, I'm passed out, dribbling
on the carpet. I used to be fun.

Hey, you are fun.

Barry?

'Yes, it Garble FM. You are
listening to the '80s Hour.'

Hmm.

Hmm.

'Hi, this is Barry Fairbrother.
So, please, leave a message.'

It's only Uncle Barry. It's not him.

Sit down. Just be normal.

~ All right, lads? Are you done?
~ Hi.

~ When did you get here?
~ Woke up early.

I hate to tell you this, but
your... your wheel's buckled.

Yeah, that was me.

Oh!

~ And where's your bike?
~ Got stolen.

Oh, shit! Oops! I didn't say that.

~ You can't ride a girl's bike, Paul.
~ Well, Dad...

Dad said it was just short-term.

He's sorting out another one.

Poor old Phineus...

always gets the cock.

I did not say that either.

Bad uncle.

Oh, should I have worn a hat?

You look better with a hat.

Bloody hell!

If it was just the worthy
doctor, no-one would care.

Yes, well, she's not popular.

It's him, he believes in things.

Oh, well, we all believe in things.
We all have to put back in.

I mean, Aubrey gives... tirelessly.

Gives, gives, gives.

And I do fun runs.

Well, not personally, but
I know people who do.

What a lovely place.

All you ever hear is people
moaning about jobs -

"No jobs, need jobs" -

well, there's jobs in a hotel.

I know someone whose niece does
nail art and eyebrows in a spa,

but I suppose not everyone
wants to work.

Hit the nail there,
right on the head.

The curse of having some
do-gooding bloody ancestor!

That legacy is a millstone.

He never... he never thought about
the Sweetloves who inherited.

Do you have any idea how expensive
it is to heat this place?

Julia and I have to live on scraps.

~ Well, that's ghastly.
~ Bloody selfish!

But you can be very
clever with leftovers.

I have some recipes - ever so tasty.

~ Hmm. My Shirley's casserole,
you'll weep with joy.
~ Oh!

Oh, Howard!

Come on, dear, cut through.

Come on, Mollison,

use your influence, man.

Flex the parochial muscle.

~ Thank you.
~ Bring me good news next time.
~ I will. Yes, thank you.

In fact, no need to come
out, you must be so busy,

so just an e-mail to the
housekeeper will suffice.

I think the car's
this way, wasn't it?

Oh, perhaps not.

This way.

Mind that.

What a charming couple though.

You... you fancy a summer job?

Yeah. Doing what?

Sprucing this place up a bit,

the whole thing, inside and out.

It might not be here. Might
all be flats or something.

Over my dead body, Andrew.

~ What do you think?
~ Yeah, great.

You...

You and Paul all right?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That's all right, then.

No, we'll have a blast this summer,

me and me homies. Fo' shizzle.

That's woeful.

~ See you later.
~ Yeah, see you later.

~ Thanks, Uncle Barry!
~ No worries!

Oh, no!

Dearie me. What happened here, then?

~ Huh?
~ He did it.

It was an accident, it was.

Right, right. Well,
if it was an accident.

Right.

Well, ask me, Paul.

Can I have my bike back, please, Dad?

You may have your bike back...

when you stop being a little girl.

Till then, this is what
you ride everywhere.

So everyone can see,
so everyone knows.

Huh?

Clumsy prick. What are you?

I'm a clumsy prick.

Huh.

How many times did I call you?

I'm so sorry.

I had my phone on silent.

~ I put a balloon in the fridge.
~ Oh, no!

That took some doing. It
had a mind of its own.

~ I'm such a crap husband.
~ Yes, but it's all right

because I'm excellent. I'll
get a shirt out for you.

Well, it's probably a choice between
the foie gras or the mini chorizo.

Oh, God!

Barry.

Mum's livid with him.

Is she?

I'll buy him a drink.

Fuck it, I'll buy him his dinner.

~ Hmm.
~ Three courses and cheese.

Might even give him a handjob.

Mary, I want to give the
boys a key to the house.

~ Why?
~ So they can come if they want to.

There's... something going on.

I've heard you asking if they're
all right in that meaningful way

~ and they always tell you that they are.
~ Well, they're not.

~ They're too quiet.
~ They're moody teenagers!

They're at the age
where they just grunt.

Well, I'm...

~ I'm giving them a key.
~ Give them a key, then.

Why are you even asking me?
Give Terri Weedon a key.

Why do we even have a lock?
Let them all sodding move in!

Always trying to be the
hero! Always trying to...

Barry?

Help me!

Barry!

~ Somebody help me!
~ What's wrong?
~ Barry!

Oh, God! Barry!

What have you done? Oh!

Barry?!

"Hi, boys, this is Candice, and
I'm your option number two."

What?

Yeah, this is my brother.

My half-brother.

Same mum, different dads.

She weren't a slag, mind.

But, yeah, this is him.

We did everything we could.

I'm so very sorry.

Don't be.

We never really got on.

Did we?

Huh?

Good luck, yeah?

I'll be outside the
gates. Give us a kiss.

Mother! Shaming me.

Gaia, don't suck your teeth, yeah?

Thanks!

Love you, too!

Oi, look, it's the deputy head.

Oh, God! Look! Look at them.

~ Ignore them, Colin.
~ I've got no authority left.

You do, natural authority.
You're completely fine.

They're probably doing wanker at me.

Just breathe, think
about something nice.

~ Let me out.
~ Stuart!
~ Let me out here.
~ That's so dangerous!

Deal with your son!

~ All right?
~ Fats.

This is different.

Been a while since...
we were invited.

Where's he going?

Probably to the loo?

~ I'll make some tea.
~ I... I don't want anything.

~ Oh, you must have something.
~ Why?

'There are striking similarities

'between Landseer and
Fitzgerald's depictions

'of the transformed Bottom.'

How much did this set him back?

This the... sort you
can get Internet on?

I'd like it if you both left.

Yeah, of course.

I've got to ring the school and
get the boys home anyway, so...

~ Simon?
~ Huh?

It's the shock.

Call me if you need anything.

~ Ruth! Come on, Ruth.
~ I'm so sorry.
~ I ain't got all day.

How has he got a telly
like that, huh?

Remember to breathe, be confident!

This is your final exam...

So, only a few more hours to go...

Oh, that is disgusting.

I know. Degrading for the lady,
who looks like someone's mum...

Thankfully not mine, or yours.

Degrading for me cos I've
watched it about 30 times.

Fats, you need a therapist.

I need sex, Arf. Actual,
real, proper sex.

.. you're going to me
proud, most importantly,

you are going to do yourselves proud.

Krystal? Krystal! Where
is your uniform?

Up my minge.

Calm down. Krystal?

Calm down, please. What
have I just been saying?

Sir, can I go toilet? I'm bursting.

In a minute.

Need to crack one out
before this exam.

I can't keep wanking like this.

The muscles in my forearm
have gone deformed. Feel!

~ You're a mutant.
~ I know.

Oh, shit. No, what does he
want? The epic bell end.

He's crying! Sir, are you crying?

Get out, you bloody girl, get out!

Mr Meacher, get that girl out!

Fuck off, you crying twat.

Krystal, come on, out.

~ Andrew?
~ I didn't do anything.

Andrew Price.

Yeah.

Andrew, can you... come down, please?

Your husband's a dickhead!
I feel heart sorry for you,

Miss Wall, I do, right, cos
you married a proper nob!

He talks to me like that
again, I'll belt him,

give him something to cry about,
the spunk-bubble dick!

I bet he ain't even got a
dick, crying like a girl.

Ain't my fault he's a twat!

~ Don't shout at me, please.
~ Ain't fuckin' shouting at you!

~ And, please, don't swear.
~ Ain't fuckin' swearin'!

Ain't fair.

Everyone was laughing, so it
ain't fair that he picks on me.

Krystal, a friend of ours died
last night. Mr Wall is very upset.

People die all the time. So what?

It was Andrew's uncle.

What?

Mr Fairbrother?

Oh, Krystal, I'm so sorry.
I didn't think, I'm so sorry.

I forgot. Oh, I am so sorry, Krystal.

More to do with Mum than me.

I am just...

I am just in a state myself...

Are we havin' my session or what?
Cos that's the reason I come in...

For the poxy maths and my session,
so we doin' it, or what?

Yes, Krystal, we're
doing your session.

Just give me a moment.

Christ, this hurts.

Who's swearing now?

If we're being specific, I'm
not swearing, I'm blaspheming.

Same difference.

I got a cake for us, as it's
our last chat together.

Set you up for your exam.

Changed my mind, can't be arsed.

All this talking shit is bollocks
anyway. I'm glad it's over.

I'll have the cake.

Krystal?

Turn your papers over...

.. and, using a black pen,

write your surname and your other
names at the top of the paper.

Oh, no. These kids...
Go away, will you?

Field kids, little sods.

Just go away. Get out of here.

I'll get our parents to come in.

~ It's the parents I blame - junkies.
~ Fat twat.

"Fat twat"? You call me
fat, look at yourself.

This is what I'm trying
to save us from.

The ruination of Pagford,
Mo, in a nutshell.

He's dead!

~ Who?
~ What?

What shall we do without him, huh?

Oh, sad day, Sam. Danish? Doughnut?

No, you are all right, Howard.

It's unbelievable.
I can't believe it!

So full of life and, you know...

Miles, your father is
heading straight for you

and I know exactly what he wants...

~ OK.
~ And I'm warning you, don't
you bloody dare say yes.

Do you hear me? Don't you dare.

Sad day, sad day...

Grow a pair for once in your life!

Oh, Miles, dear boy.
Sad day, terrible day.

I'm ever so busy, Dad.

You got to eat, Miles.

Mummy's putting something
on the website,

condolences, you know.

~ Well, that's erm...
~ 40?!
~ .. that's good.

40?! That is tragic. It's tragic.

Poor Mary. Your heart
bleeds, you know.

Yes.

But life goes on, life must go on,

and we have a situation.

Do we?

We have a casual vacancy.

A councillor is dead, right?

The council is not quorate.
We must be quorate.

Now, you should stand.

I mean, man of your status.

What?

My son, a Mollison. The election's
no problem, you know.

Shoo-in, you know.

All over, bar the shouting, eh?

So you'll stand?

But, Dad, I've got so much to do.

I have got all of Barry's clients,

I've got my own, I have
got Sam and the kids.

~ I wouldn't have the time, I can't...
~ Oh, they're doing so well.

Apples of my eye, my granddaughters.

Fees through the roof, of
course, that's crippling.

I mean, those fees! Ouch!

They're worth every penny.

Education.

Best start in life. Only the
very best for my granddaughters.

You know...

You don't have to do anything.

All you've got to do is
raise your hand and vote.

You-you leave the rest
to your old dad.

Good boy, you are a good
boy, you always have been.

It's so dreadful to die
in public like that.

Oh, isn't it awful?

And I didn't think anyone would
have had the time to phone you

and that's so impersonal,
isn't it? A phone call?

Always better to get such
appalling news in person.

Yes.

Well, I'll let you get on.

You've got a big queue outside.

Always so busy, rushing around.

Terri? Terri Weedon?

Hello? Terri Weedon?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Terri?

Terri.

I'm Kaye Bawden. I'm
your new social worker.

Let's get some light
in here, shall we?

Wha...?

OK...

Let's make a start, shall we?

Here we go. One arm.

~ No arms.
~ That one.

You are a good boy, aren't
you, Robbie, eh?

You must be Krystal.

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Kaye. I'm your new social worker.

Where's the other bitch?
Signed off with stress?

~ It says that Robbie should
be in reception class.
~ He is.

~ He's a bit old for nappies.
~ He don't need 'em.
~ OK.

He just needs to be reminded
to go or he has an accident -

~ them at little school know that.
He don't need 'em - it's her.
~ Oh.

And your mum's on a programme?

How's that working out?

Oh, I think we can say with
overwhelming confidence that

it's working out very positively
for the family unit.

All agencies are optimistic.

I will have to report
this to my supervisor.

Go on, then, report it.

Door's that way. Piss off.

I'll be in touch.

~ Bye.
~ Bye, Robbie.

Robbie.

Stay here.

One thing you had to do for me today,

one simple thing, get him to school,
and you couldn't even do that.

~ He'll get taken now.
~ Get off.

~ Pleased with yourself?
~ Cow!

And I'll tell you something else...

Mr Fairbrother's dead.

Mm? How's that?

It's not even going in, is it?

You scabby, useless sack of shit.

You bitch!

That nice, Rob?

Hey. What you doing now, Gaia?

I'm going home, Stuart.

I'm going to skin up.

Got to get myself in the right
frame of mind for the parents.

It's good stuff.

Skunk.

I cordially invite you to join me
in contemplation of the infinite.

Didn't your mate get
some bad news today?

Shouldn't you be checking
he's all right?

Yeah, I would, but we're not girls.

And it's Fats. Those in my
intimate circle call me Fats.

That's nice, Stuart.

~ I've got to go back to the office.
~ OK.

~ Who's that?
~ White boy.

I hear that.

~ Was he clean?
~ He smelt of shampoo.

Was there food in the house?

Yeah.

Was he hurt?

No.

So, how does this qualify
as an emergency?

The mother was gouched
out, insensible.

There was a dirty sharp
within the boy's reach.

I mean, how he didn't
get hold of it....

Her keeping custody is based
on her getting clean.

~ Is it the worst house you've been in?
~ No.

And it's not the worst we've
got, not by a long chalk.

I wouldn't send you to
the worst we've got.

Robbie's attendance at school
is pretty good. He's improving.

I still think he should be removed.

We've got to lose another three
million from our budget.

You know how much it
costs to remove a child.

The daughter copes. Robbie stays.

Not every case is Rosie Frankham.

Excuse me?

Manage the situation. I'm
sorry, but I must get on.

Two minutes, yeah?

Just like that? In the road?

Yeah.

The fucking road.

One minute there... and then...

oof.

Just proves, you know...

that it's all... sex and death.

I mean, it's all there is.

And music.

Yeah.

But mainly sex.

Cos, like, when it comes... right...

death, your last thought
is never, ever going to be,

"I wish I had done less shagging."

So...

Got to live, now.

Yeah... got to live.

Why are you still here?

Excellent. I'll get the ball rolling.

~ You've got a real chance here, Colin.
~ A chance? What?

I'll let him fill you
in, but it's good news.

~ Fill me in on what?
~ Well, Parminder thinks I should

stand for the parish council...

~ for Barry's seat.
~ And you've agreed?

It seems I have.

Parminder, listen, Colin can't do
this, he's not the right person.

He's perfect. Gold standard.

Got the right reputation
- managerial, responsible.

Look what he's done with this school,

from special measures to outstanding.

Yes, but it's made
him, well, listen...

You know he can get rather anxious?

We're all bloody anxious, Tess!
Howard's putting up his son.

That... lump! They
have to be stopped.

We have to stop them.

~ Yes, but Colin...
~ Colin is a compelling candidate.

I'll call you tomorrow, we'll
get the campaign going.

He's not even buried and
you're jumping in his grave.

The parish shitting council?!

Why can't you stand up for yourself?

Miles?

Tits! Miles!

Be a man!

Grab a handful! Go on!

Come on them!

I'm going to watch the news.

Simon?

Simon?

What is this?

This... This is what
I'm owed, what I'm due.

How much did it cost?
We can't afford this...

This didn't come from no
shop, no. (I know people.)

~ It's stolen?
~ Sticking it to the man.

But, Simon, we can't afford...

Stop your bleating, woman, huh?

You, get a knife, open that box.

I'll get it.

Where do you think
you are going? Huh?

And did I say sit down?

♪ You didn't know what to do with us

♪ You couldn't figure out
how to get through to us

♪ So you muted us, might
as well have neutered us

♪ Threw us, trussed up, inside
the cell of a nucleus

♪ You tried to take our freedom,
that's nothing new to us

♪ We're used to cuffs,
bruises and cuts... ♪

Well, I can't back out now.

I mean, how would it look?

What would everyone think?

Oh, Colin...

I'm sure it'll be fine.

You'll be fine. You'll be brilliant.

Well, you're always saying we should
do more together as a couple.

Go us!

Go us.

Go us. Go us.

Can you smell something? I
think I can smell cannabis.

If he's smoking pot...

I can't smell it.

I did get some different bleach
for the loo, it's probably that.

~ You will help me, though, won't you?
~ Of course.

I mean, I think it's fitting,
taking Barry's place.

Continuing with his work.

Night-night.

Night.

Jesus.

Saint "Bloody" Barry.

I'm going to stand for election.

You are?

Yeah. Get on the council.

Be like falling off a log.

Sympathy vote. Saint Barry's brother.

They're all getting
their palms greased -

now they'll have to grease mine.

Huh?

Councillor Simon Price.

What, Pizza Face?

Everyone knows you're not Barry.

Simon, please, he didn't mean it!

Shall I squeeze that,
then, for you, shall I?

Bloody hell, how much pus can
one person have in their face?

It's disgusting. It's like you've
got leprosy or something.

I try to do something nice...

I don't know why I bother.

~ Krys.
~ Obbo.

Them boxes in our place yours?

Interim measure. They
won't be there long.

~ You paid my mum, yeah?
~ I helped her out.

It's not helping, though, is it?

She asked me. I can't say no.

Use someone else's house
for your fucking TVs.

There's plenty of others using.

Leave her out of it.

You know, if you didn't cake
all that shit on your face,

you'd be a pretty girl.

Here, Krys, come on.
Don't be like that.

MUSIC: The Riverboat Song
by Ocean Colour Scene

♪ Tell me why does the river run red?

♪ Anyway for all the
things you've seen

♪ Tell me when will the
river run green...? ♪

Police.

♪ And anyway for all
the things you know

♪ Tell me why does
the river not flow? ♪

Oh...

What's happening?

What is it?

I can't run any more, I'm so sleepy.

Oh, no, please, I have
to rest for just a minute.

Toto? Where's Toto?

"Look at this. I'm overwhelmed.

"All these kind words.

"They've made up for what has been
a truly rubbish day, so thank you,

"and there's to be an election
to take my place.

"Now, come on, Pagford,

"did you think I wouldn't have
something to say about this?

"Of course I do. A little thing like
death isn't going to hold me back.

"But what am I going to say
and when am I going to say it?

"You'll know, when I'm ready.

"It's impossible to keep secrets
in this place, isn't it?

"Oh, you'd surprised, Pagford.
Everyone's got skeletons

"rattling in their cupboard.
Everyone's got something.

"I am the ghost of
Barry Fairbrother...

".. and I am watching you."

Smiley with a wink!

Tick-tock, tick-tock, clock's
ticking, Pagford.