The Casagrandes (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Home Improvement/Undivided Attention - full transcript

[car horns honk]

♪ I'm in the big city
with my big familia ♪

♪ Every day here
is my favorite día ♪

♪ One big house
and our family store ♪

♪ Food and laughter
y mucho amor ♪

♪ Tíos, abuelos,
all of my primos ♪

♪ A dog, a parrot, amigos ♪

♪ We're one big family now ♪

♪ Sundays and Mondays ♪

♪ They're all fun days
when you're with the... ♪

- All: Casagrandes!
- ♪ Mucha vida ♪



all: Casagrandes!
- ♪ Bienvenida ♪

all: Casagrandes!
- ♪ Mucha risa ♪

all: Casagrandes!
We're all familia!

Tan-tan!

*THE CASAGRANDES*
Season 02 Episode 09 IMDB
Video Release: S02 E16E17

Episode Title: Part 1 of 2
"Home Improvement"

♪ ♪

Whoo-hoo! Yes!

[all grunting]

Whoo-hoo!
So excited for movie night.

Whose turn is it to host,
anyway?

I can check.

Oh, don't be me.
Don't be me.

Looks like Laird's up.



Phew!

Oh, wait. I'm Laird!

[yells, grunts]

My cart!

[groans]

[yells]

[groaning]

- Laird!
- Are you okay?

Yeah.

Not you.

I'm talking to my baby.

He was only two days away
from retirement.

[sobbing]

Um, I don't think
I can host tonight.

I don't feel so good.

Bro, you already
used that one.

- Yeah.
- You always have an excuse.

You're not getting out of it
this time.

Come on, Laird, it'll be fun.

All: Laird! Laird! Laird!
Laird! Laird!

Laird, is everything okay?

No.

I don't wanna host
a movie night

because I'm embarrassed
by where I live.

[sighs]
It's a money thing.

Oh, I'm sorry
you feel that way, Laird,

but money doesn't matter to us.

It matters to me,
Ronnie Anne.

My house doesn't look like
everyone else's.

We'll figure this out.

[phone rings]
Oh, one sec.

Hey, Dad. How's vacation?

Amazing, Ranita!

I'm swimming with dolphins.

[imitating dolphin chittering]

[dolphin chittering]

That means "Qué pasa, delfín."

Anyway.

I'm calling to see
if you could please

grab my mail when you go
to water my plants.

- You got it.
- Gracias, Ranita.

Hey, hey, hey! Give that back!

It's not waterproof!

Wait, your dad's on vacation?

Maybe we can have movie night
at his place

and pretend it's my place.

What? I don't know.

Well, it's just a few hours,

and I'll make sure no one
makes a mess.

Please?

I think you kneeled
in some relish.

I know relish,

and that ain't relish.

[upbeat music]

Thank you so much,
Ronnie Anne.

This is perfect.

Hmm. Not yet.

We still have to
make this place

look like it's yours.

Did you bring the stuff?

- You bet.
- Ready to Laird-ify!

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

[panting]

- Phew.
- [grunts]

[meow]

[both grunting]

[knocking at door]

- [yelps]
- They're here!

Are... are you sure
we Laird-ified enough?

- I think we're good.
- Just be cool.

Welcome to the Laird Lair!

Where I live.

My parents are gone
for the night,

so the place is all ours.

Huh. Did I mention I live here?
[chuckles]

Bro, this place rocks.

Yeah, you've been
holding out on us.

Give us the grand tour.

Let's start
with the bathroom.

'Cause I gotta go
before the movie.

Uh. Uh, sure. Uh.

The bathroom is right here.

Uh, I think he meant
that the bathroom

is right there,
through that door over there.

[panting]

What are these?

Oh, that's, uh, hockey gear.

Designed to intimidate
your opponents. [Chuckles]

- Oh, awesome!
- Let's play!

Laird, that's my dad's art
from Peru.

It's really expensive.

I got this.

Uh, guys, why don't we go
to the kitchen and, uh...

- [grunts]
- Phew.

Nice catch, Ronnie Anne.

- [chuckles]
- Yeah, nice catch.

So here's the kitchen.

Definitely my kitchen.

[gasps]

Laird, you have
the Juice-O-Matic 5,000?

It blends, purees,
and even deseeds!

Please make me a smoothie.

Sure, Sid.

That's something
I know how to use.

[suspenseful music]

[device whirring]

Whoa, boy!

Whoa! Boy!

Your juice is ready.

[yelps]

- Ahh.
- Now that's the good stuff.

Thanks, Laird.

Uh, don't mention it.

[grunts]

Hey, why is there a big box
of chocolates

with a note that says
"for Ronnie Anne"?

[wondrous music]

- What?
- Oh, that's nothing.

Wait a second.

This can only mean one thing.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

Laird has a big, fat crush
on Ronnie Anne.

All: Ooh.

- Yes, that's it.
- [chuckles]

You caught me.
Old Romeo here.

Obsessed with this
beautiful creature.

I am so, so sorry.

Okay, let's just
start the movie.

Is it a romance?

All: Ooh!

Both: Phew.

All right, people,
you know the rules.

No texting during the movie.

Wait, that's the drawer
that always gets stuck.

Or so Laird tells me.

Eh, we can deal with it
later.

It's movie time.

Someone snack me.

Ooh, fuego flavor.

[chuckles]

Sit next to Laird,
Ronnie Anne.

All: Ooh!

- Laird, killer movie night.
- Now let's watch

"Evil Hat Man: The Brimming."

I owe you big time,
Ronnie Anne.

[yelps]

- Hey, this is Ronnie Anne.
- Beep.

- [phone beeps]
- Ranita.

I had to cut my trip short.

Apparently,
[imitates dolphin chittering]

means "attack me."

[groans]

All I want to do is relax
in my bed.

Great.
I lost my keys in the ocean.

[grunting]

Hey, who put that hat there?

Don't put it on!

- I think I'll put it on.
- [gasps]

- Come on!
- He's toast.

[pounding at door]

[all scream]

[chuckling]

- What was that?
- It was the door.

But... but who could it be
at this hour?

Someone should go
check it out.

You're right.

Thank you for volunteering,
Nikki.

[sinister laugh]

[gasping]

It's Hat Man!

Should we call for help?

Oh, uh, let's not be
too hasty.

Uh, could be a mistake.

He's gone!

What did I tell you?

Now let's get back
to movie night.

- [window squeaks]
- [gasps]

He's coming through the window!

[tense music]

Not if I can help it.

Fly, cactus!

[grunting]

[Arturo grunting]
[cat yowls]

Quick, we gotta
lock that window.

I got this.

If something happens to me,

Sid gets my skateboard.

- Yes!
- Aw, man.

[groans]

Phew.

[gasps, screams]

- [gasps]
- Burglars!

Must be after
my Juice-O-Matic 5,000!

[phone dialing]

Hello? Police?

A band of thieves are trying
to steal my juicer.

Of course that's an emergency.

[phone clicks]
[busy signal]

Hello? Hello?
Oh.

[all gasp]

That's it,
I'm getting our phones

and calling for help.

If something happens to me,

- Sid gets my skateboard.
- Yes!

Both: What does she need
two skateboards for?

[grunts]

Are you jiggling it right?

You see me jiggling.

- Ask Laird.
- It's his house.

I mean, a jiggle's a jiggle.

Okay, we can't
get our phones,

but everyone, stay calm.

All the windows and doors
are closed, right?

Well, I may have cracked open
the bathroom window.

[all groan]

I was being considerate!

[door rattling]
[all gasp]

- This is bad.
- This is so bad.

Pull yourself together,
Laird!

Ronnie Anne,
what should we do?

Hmm. Guys.

We need to defend my dad's...

I mean, Laird's home.

- [grunts]
- No, no, no, no.

You don't understand, Officer.

It's the Juice-O-Matic 5,000.

Do you know
why they call it that?

That's how much it costs...
[busy signal]

Hello?

Oh!
[groans]

[grunting]

Hey, Hat Man.

Eat romantic chocolates.

[grunting]

Eat pineapple, Hat Man.

[yelps]

Spiky!

[yells]

Boo-yah!

Nobody breaks
into Laird's house

and gets away with it.

We got you now, Hat Man.

No more sequels for you.

- Ah.
- [kids gasp]

Dad?

- [groans]
- Ranita?

Kids:
Ronnie Anne's dad?

Uh. Oh, boy.

What are you all doing
in my apartment?

[curious music]

Is this my apartment?

Oh, that dolphin must have
hit me hard.

I'm so sorry, Dad.

This is all my fault.

No, it's my fault.

This is his place.

I wanted you all
to think it was mine.

Ronnie Anne was just
helping me.

Why'd you do it, Laird?

More importantly,

does this mean you're not
in love with Ronnie Anne?

I was just worried
you'd see my house

and treat me differently.

Aw, Laird, it doesn't matter
where you live.

We'll always
be your friends, bro.

Thanks, guys.

And sorry, Ronnie Anne's dad.

I hope I didn't
bruise your pineapple.

I'm just glad
my juicer's safe.

You can still have
movie night here if you want.

No, Ronnie Anne's dad.

We can have it at my house.

My real house.

I'm tired of living a lie.

And you can come too,
Ronnie Anne's dad.

Only if you
stop calling me that.

Movie night is saved!

Kids:
Laird! Laird! Laird!

Laird?

You were embarrassed
because you live here?

- Not anymore.
- Who wants snacks?

We have free vending machines
in every room.

Ah.

Can I pretend
this is my house?

[upbeat music]

Episode Title: Part 2 of 2
"Undivided Attention"

[lively percussive music
playing]

♪ ♪

[elephant trumpets]

- Ooh, zebra print leggings.
- Ten points.

[phone chiming]

Yes!

Hey, Carlota?

- [gasps]
- The rare wild cardigan

in its natural habitat!

Don't move, Dad.
You're gonna scare it off.

[both grunt]

Got it!

You're playing
that zoo pants game again?

It's "Fashion Safari," Dad.

Whatever it's called.

Every time you play,
you get so distracted.

That's so not true.

[upbeat music]

Carlota, can you
close the door, mi cielo?

[phone chirping]

Carlota?

[cat yowls]

[yelling]

Carlota!

This is
the best card tower ever.

An impenetrable fortress.
[elephant trumpets]

- [gasps]
- Ooh! Knee-high boots.

- Wait! Stop!
- Stop!

[phone chirping]

- Phew.
- Oh.

Both: Carlota!

Carlota?

Did you change
Carlitos' diaper yet?

[Lalo whimpers]

Carlota!

[people whimpering]

Dad, I don't remember
any of that.

[elephant trumpets]

Oh! Red pumps!

My point exactly.

[groans]
Carlota.

Are these the practice tests
for your finals on Friday?

You haven't started
any of them.

That's not true!

I wrote my name on this one.

It just says "car."

- [elephant trumpets]
- Oh, a spotted purse!

- [yelps]
- That's it.

I'm not letting this game
get in the way of your grades.

I'm getting one of my students
to tutor you.

[phone chirps]

- Yes!
- Great.

Then it's a date.

- Wait, what?
- A date?

[yelps]

Really?

Tío Carlos set you up
on a date?

Why would he do that?

I don't know why, but he did,

and during the "Fashion Safari"
semifinals.

That doesn't sound
like Tío Carlos at all.

And the prize is
a $500 shopping spree!

$500?!

Player two has entered.

You're going down.

[alarm ringing]

Ugh. I gotta go.

I'm meeting this guy at some
place called "the library"?

Must be some
hip new restaurant.

[suspenseful music]

He meant the actual library?

Oh, well,
you must be Carlota.

I'm Charles Little Bull.

Welcome to my favorite spot.

Ah, love the smell of books.

[sniffs]

And grad students
who haven't showered in days.

Thanks for saving us a table,
Mavis.

By the way,
I spoke to all your teachers

to get a sense of your
strengths and weaknesses.

- Spoke to my teachers?
- [singsongy] Creepy.

Anyway, um,
let's get this party started.

[singsongy]
There's gonna be a quiz later.

A quiz?

Um, I thought we were eating.

Oh, if you're hungry,

there's a vending machine
over there.

What a gentleman.

Can you grab me
some cheesy chips?

I'll fire up
the old calculator.

Some date this is.

[elephant trumpets]

[gasps]
The semifinals are starting!

You're mine, scarf.

- Shh!
- This is a library!

- Sorry, Mavis.
- Won't happen again.

Okay, maybe let's
put down the phone

and talk chemistry.

Which we have none of.

[elephant trumpets]

Keep going, I'm listening.
Just dropped my pencil.

Wait, wait!

I have plenty of pencils
right here.

Uh, this one's
my lucky pencil.

It's worth 500 points.

Okay, you can do this.

Just remember,
all students are teachable.

[objects clatter]
As long as you can catch them!

[lively music]

[person screams]

[people screaming]
[objects crashing]

Yes! I made it to the finals!

$500 shopping spree,
here I come!

- [whispering]
- You two. Out.

Even me?

Out!

[all gasp]

Whoa.

I've never heard her
yell like that.

Uh, we better go.

[upbeat music]

[curious music]

So how did it go?

- It went. Stuff happened.
- It ended.

Well, Charles said
you were pretty reluctant,

but he loves a challenge.

Anyway, he's excited to see you
tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?

That's what he told me.

- 6:00 sharp.
- Of course.

It's in my calendar because
I was definitely listening.

[grunts]

Now I have to see Charles
tomorrow at 6:00,

and the "Fashion Safari" finals
are at 7:00.

Which means I only have
one hour to get rid of him.

Don't bother.

Those $500 are mine.

[imitates elephant's trumpet]

Whoa, look.
High-waisted gauchos.

I don't know what those are,
but they're mine too!

- [sighs]
- How are you going

to get rid of Charles
in an hour?

- Rawk!
- Can you guys keep it down?

I'm trying to relax.

Oh, and I borrowed
your backscratcher.

Sergio! That's my toothbrush!

Ugh, you're so annoying.

Wait a minute.
That's it!

I'll be
the most annoying date ever.

Sergio, teach me your ways.

- Not enough time.
- I'll come with.

Let me just take off
these butt warmers.

Those are my headphones!

OH, yeah, this is gonna work.

♪ ♪

I thought we could meet here.

Since we're banned
from the library.

[sighs]
The library.

- Great!
- Oh, and my abuela

asked me to watch our bird.

- You don't mind, right?
- Rawk!

Hope you brought money
'cause I'm starving.

- I'm starving too.
- Where is that waiter?

Both: Waiter!

[airhorns blare]

Oof, this is gonna be
a tough night.

Endure, Charles.
[inhales]

[curious music]

[belches]

- [clears throat]
- So where did we leave off?

Look, I can use my toes
as a fork.

- Oops. Waiter!
- Can we get more of everything?

And some extra napkins?

Carlota, please...

Please, focus.

I have some questions
to ask you.

I've got a question.

Think this calculator floats?

- [yells]
- My lucky calculator!

- Oh, don't worry.
- I can clean it.

Club soda
will get everything out.

- Okay, that's it.
- That's it!

I... I thought this could work,

but you are impossible!

I'm never seeing you again.

Calc-you-later!

- Thanks, Sergio.
- I gotta run.

The finals of my game
are starting.

Your bill, sir.

Ohh.

Good thing
he dropped his wallet.

[elephants trumpeting]

[phones chirping]

[lively percussive music
playing]

♪ ♪

I'm one matching sock
and one secret accessory

away from winning.

You're about to be
my fashion victim.

- We'll see about that.
- Carlota!

Why did Charles
call me in tears?

I've never heard a math major
cry like that.

- Dad, I'm sorry.
- I'm just not interested.

So you're throwing away
the finals?

No, check it out.

I have the highest score
right now.

I'm talking about
your school finals.

You know, the whole reason

I hired a tutor
in the first place?

Tutor?

Let's talk chemistry.

Fire up the old calculator.

I spoke to all your teachers.

[singsongy]
There's gonna be a quiz later!

Shh! This is a library!

- [gasps]
- Oh.

It all makes sense now.

My semester finals
are tomorrow!

I am so sorry, Dad.

You were right;
I have been distracted.

Admitting you have a problem
is half the solution.

You know what
the second half is.

Never going to school again?

- [growls]
- Dad, I'm kidding.

I'm gonna fix this.

Carl, good luck in your finals.

I need to take care of mine.

- [elephant trumpets]
- [yelps]

The secret accessory!

Come to papa!

Hey, Charles.

Not you again.

Mavis just let me back in.

To make things up to her,

I had to perform
six puppet shows

in the kids' corner.

[tense music]

[babies yell]

- Tough crowd.
- Aw.

And now she's making you
alphabetize the returned books?

No, I just
find this soothing.

I'm sorry, Charles.

This was
a big misunderstanding.

I thought my dad set me up
on a date with you.

A date?

Why would I take a date
to the library?

- [chuckles]
- I know, right?

Ugh, I've been a huge jerk.

I'm sorry
I wasn't paying attention.

If you're not too upset
with me,

I'd love for you
to tutor me again.

What about your game?

I promise you'll have
my full, undivided attention.

[elephant trumpeting]

[sighs]

Goodbye, "Fashion Safari."

[phone chirping]

[sighs]

I know that wasn't easy
for you.

Aw, heck, let's get out
your books.

Thanks, Charles.

Oh, and here's your wallet.

You might not want to look
at your credit card bill.

I'll go get a table.

Sorry, kids.
Puppet show's canceled.

[babies yelping]
[gasps]

♪ ♪

Dad, I aced my final!

By which I mean I passed
them all with flying Bs.

I'm so proud of you, mi'ja.

And I won my finals.

This designer scarf cost $200.

Rawk! Thanks for the towel.

Wait, that's not a...

Ooh, so soft.

[purrs]

You keep it.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪