The Carrie Diaries (2013–2014): Season 2, Episode 10 - Date Expectations - full transcript
Walt and Bennet get some devastating news that forever changes their future. Sebastian gets an exciting work opportunity, causing him to bail on Carrie on Valentine's Day, much to her ...
Before there was sex,
before there was the city,
there was just me,
Carrie... Carrie Bradshaw
from Castlebury, Connecticut.
(Voice breaks)
My parents kicked me out.
I was hoping
he could stay with us.
Of course he can stay.
Seeing my parents' faces
made me feel bad
about what I'm doing.
You being gay... that is
their issue, not yours.
These are
your college applications.
Time to start planning
your future.
Never, ever become friends with
one of my boyfriends again.
Okay.
Cool party. I'm Scott.
You don't have to talk to me
if it bugs you.
No! I-I like it.
My dad... he's gonna give me
an allowance
to find a place in Manhattan.
What do you think
about the flat?
I think I can make this work.
Ooh, you are gonna
adore it here!
(Carrie) - You gonna be good here?
- Yeah.
The Carrie Diaries 02x10
Date Expectations
Originally Aired January 10, 2014
Valentine's Day in New York
is just as intense
as everything else in the city.
(Belinda Carlisle)
♪ I'm mad about you
♪ you're mad about me, babe
guys knock themselves out
looking for the perfect gift.
♪ Aren't we?
Reservations
at romantic restaurants
fill up weeks in advance.
♪ Mad about you
(camera shutter clicks)
♪ mad about you
♪ lost in your eyes
♪ reason aside
♪ mad about love
♪ mad about you
you wouldn't expect
jaded new yorkers
to get caught up
in such a mushy holiday.
♪ Mad about you ♪ mad about you
♪ lost in your eyes
♪ reason aside
but that's the thing
about expectations.
What you expect
and what you can get
can be shockingly different.
Am I in the right place?
I just fixed up the place
a little bit.
Put my own stamp on it.
Mm-hmm.
You don't like it?
N-no, it's... it's great.
I just, um...
I wasn't expecting
such a big...
Hey, what...
What happened to Larissa's
zebra-print chaise lounge?
Well, Carrie,
in case you hadn't noticed,
I'm a guy.
Oh, I definitely noticed.
Whoa! (Chuckles)
(Chuckles)
What's with the...
All the... the skateboards
and the clothes?
- Pretty sick, right?
- "Sick"?
Sorry, skater lingo. It means
"cool." (Siren wailing in distance)
Since when do you speak
skater lingo?
Well, I used to skate
with my cousins out in Jersey.
- Oh.
- Then when I was in Cali,
I started hanging out
with this guy, Tony,
and he's kind of
a skating prodigy.
I didn't know
there was such thing
as a skating prodigy.
Well, this guy is.
Tony Hawk.
Remember the name.
I'm telling you,
he's gonna be huge.
What are you, his mom?
Very funny.
We became pretty good friends,
and I'm hoping to use
some of his contacts
for a business
I might be starting.
Wait. What?
Well, he knows everyone
in the skateboarding world,
and I think
there's a market out there
that hasn't been tapped into.
Like shoes, clothes,
all based on skate culture.
And look at these cool designs.
I-I commissioned a street artist
to create the decks.
"Decks"?
Yeah, the part of the skateboard
that's not the wheels.
Oh.
So these could be
on shirts, shorts.
Got it. (Chuckles)
Yeah. I'm really excited
about this, Carrie.
Well, then that sounds,
uh... sick. (Chuckles)
All right, I'll shut up
about skateboards.
Let's talk about
Valentine's Day instead.
Oh, yeah?
Does that mean...
I made the reservation at
One If By Land, Two If By Sea.
(Gasps) Ooh, yay!
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
I know Valentine's Day
is cheesy,
but I'm so excited to spend it
with you in the city,
especially after everything
we've been through together.
I just... I want it
to be perfect.
It will be.
Okay.
(Skateboard clatters)
My expectations for
Valentine's Day were sky-high.
But Maggie's weren't nearly
so lofty...
For the holiday,
or for her future.
You got into Central Connecticut
State University.
That's great!
Yeah, with no financial aid.
You can still apply for a loan.
Oh, so I can be broke
for the rest of my life
and still have no clue
what I'm doing
and have a degree
from a lame school.
C.C.S.U.'s a perfectly
respectable school.
Please. You're the one
who calls it C.C.S.-Loser.
In my defense,
that was before I knew
you were going there.
And they have some
notable alumni.
Did you know that one of
the first governors of Alaska
graduated from there?
Ugh. I would never wanna be
the governor of Alaska.
Hawaii. Now we're talking.
Not Alaska.
I'm very sensitive to the cold.
Oh, speaking of cold,
here comes Donna.
- Let's freeze her out.
- Hey, Mouse!
Happy military
recruitment week.
I don't know about you,
but I am feeling very...
Patriotic.
Make sure you check out
the army eye candy.
This year's
are particularly fine.
(Donna) Mm.
What was that all about?
Oh, it's army recruitment time,
you know?
The recruiters come to school
for two weeks
to sign people up
to join after graduation.
That's not what I'm talking
about, and you know it.
What is going on
with you and Donna?
You two were downright chummy.
(Scoffs) - I wouldn't say chummy.
- Chummy.
(Sighs) Okay, look,
Donna and I kind of had fun
together at
Carrie's party last month.
Ugh. I could've stopped that.
I never should've gone away
with my parents that weekend.
And then, it turns out,
we have health class together
this semester.
And I sit right next to her
and she's actually kinda funny.
And I want you to know,
I have strongly suggested
to Donna
that she no longer
call you names.
Okay, good,
because it is terrible that she
calls people names. Mm-hmm.
I would never stoop to that.
Okay, Donna may be
a skanky whorebeast,
but she is right
about one thing...
those army guys
are total babes.
The army will take care
of it for you,
not college.
(Larissa) No.
Nope.
Horrid.
Oh.
Looks like she's squatting
to give birth in a field in this one.
(Chuckles)
Ah, here we are.
She only looks
slightly constipated here.
Remind me never
to book her again.
If you need a model,
I'm available.
Darling, this is
a high-fashion magazine.
I once walked the runway
at the Tallahassee Mall
Back-To-School Fashion Show.
Yeah, I rest my case.
(Telephone ringing in distance)
Oh, Walt!
I didn't know you were
coming tonight.
Yeah, it's last minute.
Bennet and I are gonna see
"Hannah and Her Sisters."
(Bennet)
Which I'm very excited about!
- I'll be down in a minute.
(Chuckles) - Okay.
"Hannah and Her Sisters"?
Shouldn't you be seeing
Hank and His Brothers?
Or is girl-on-girl porn
a new trend for gay guys?
(Scoffs) I can't keep up.
Um, it's a Woody Allen movie.
Woody Allen?
What a great porn name.
It's not... (Chuckles)
He's a director.
So he directs porn?
Even better.
He wrote and directed
"Annie Hall."
And starred in it.
- With Diane Keaton?
- I don't know.
Oh, that movie is such
a love letter to the city.
Speaking of love,
do you have any suggestions
for restaurants
on Valentine's Day?
I wanna plan
a romantic dinner for Bennet and me.
Stop right there.
You don't need to make
any plans for that night.
You all have to come see me
at my new place of business.
You want us to help you
sell knives door-to-door?
Oh, honey,
I already quit that job.
I'm working
the Heartbreaker Party at Boy.
(Bennet) Boy?!
Ooh, I love that place.
You've got a job at the most
fabulous gay club in the city?
How did you wrangle that?
Oh, no, wait, wait.
Let me guess.
They mistook you
for a drag queen!
(Chuckles)
Their Heartbreaker Party
is legendary.
(Kisses) I'm in, of course.
Harlan will be in Budapest
on business next week,
and this is the perfect way
for me to flirt
with gorgeous men
without making him jealous.
What do you say?
I've always wanted to go
to that party.
Oh.
Um... (Chuckles)
Isn't that the club
where the guys wear
all the leather and stuff?
(Larissa) Absolutely.
Leather daddies.
Lots of muscle boys.
And the city's
most outrageous drag queens,
including a Joan Collins
who out-Joan Collinses
Joan Collins.
Hmm. Sounds, uh, scary.
It's not.
It's fun and outrageous.
Walt and I are in.
Well, Valentine's Day
at Boy it is.
Well, you guys have fun.
As I have mentioned,
Sebastian and I
have a romantic dinner planned.
Ugh. The only thing worse
than a happy couple,
is a happy couple
on Valentine's Day.
(Stifles laugh)
It's disgusting.
I would love to go to boy
and show off my skills,
but Sebastian would kill me
if I canceled.
(Record needle scratches)
What do you mean
you're canceling?
Sorry, Carrie.
But Tony's only in town
for that one night.
I'm gonna pitch him some
of my ideas, and if he likes 'em,
he might put me in contact
with some people in California.
Wait a sec.
You're canceling
our Valentine's dinner
for that skateboarding thing?
You're joking, right?
More flowers from Harlan?
Really, this is just overkill.
I mean, has he no respect
for the fact
that I actually have a job
to do on this desk?
Get someone to clear all this
and tell Janet
to make me a cappuccino
while you're at it.
Hopefully, this won't be him
trying his hand at poetry again.
Oh! Oh, no, Carrie.
Hang on.
This one's for you.
Looks like
someone's feeling guilty.
"Sorry about tonight.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love, Sebastian."
Well, he should feel guilty.
Not only did he cancel
our Valentine's Day plans,
but he's using
our One If By Land,
Two If By Sea reservation
for his meeting
with that Tony Eagle guy.
Thank you.
Can you believe it?
Mm, I can.
If only because you've told me
so many times,
the sheer repetition
has convinced me.
Honestly, all this fuss
over a dreadful holiday
where you're meant to
stuff yourself with chocolates
and a huge dinner,
and then shag
once you're good and bloated?
I mean, it makes no sense
to me at all.
Well, that's easy for you
to say.
Harlan is out of the country
for a good reason...
A real job
that he actually has.
Please. I'm fairly sure
he faked his business meeting
in Budapest to get out
of the Valentine's pressure.
- Really?
- Put it this way...
when I asked
what the meeting was,
he said something about
Hungary's top goulash company
buying another goulash company.
I mean, he's probably golfing
somewhere tropical.
But I don't mind.
You really don't, do you?
(Scoffs)
Why can't I be like that?
Because no one can be me.
Seriously, I thought
you'd be happy
that Sebastian
has his own thing going on.
He is handsome, he is rich,
and he's ambitious?
He's a one-man dream team.
Yeah...
But skateboarding?
I mean,
that's not a real business.
There's no way
that's going anywhere.
It's... it's a fad.
But I can't say that to him.
So I just have to sit there
with a fake smile on my face,
while he drones on and on
about something called
a "McTwist" and blows me off
on Valentine's Day.
Trust me,
Valentine's Day's bollocks.
You're gonna have a much better
time at Boy tonight.
I guess.
There is simply nothing better
than getting attention
from beautiful men
who don't wanna sleep with you.
It's much more meaningful.
And while
I adjusted my expectations
for the night,
Maggie shifted her expectations
for her future.
Uh, hi there.
What's your name?
Uh, Maggie.
Maggie Landers.
Happy Valentine's Day.
"Private Landers."
It's got a nice ring to it.
(Chuckles)
You ever consider joining
the armed forces?
What? Oh! No. No, no.
Trust me, you don't want me
defending the country.
And have you heard of
the G.I. Bill?
You can go to college
all on the army's dime.
Well, I-I was thinking
about college,
but I don't even know
what I'd study.
Oh, I was just like you.
That's what's so great
about the army.
Lots of people find their focus
while they're here.
We can help you
figure out your future.
Huh.
- That sounds good.
- Yeah.
And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.
Let me ask you something.
Do you like to travel?
Sure.
Everybody likes to travel.
Did you know we have bases
all around the world?
You can get stationed
in Europe.
Or even Hawaii.
Hawaii?
(Chuckles)
Heart-shaped pizza.
(Chuckles)
That is officially overkill.
Yeah.
So, uh, what's on the agenda
for you and your... friend?
Oh. Mnh-mnh.
- Did you guys break up?
- No.
No, we're just spending tonight
with about a thousand other guys
at this really loud club,
where everyone's really...
loud.
And it's not really
how I imagined
spending my Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I can relate.
You can?
Well, not to all the specifics,
but, uh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I always thought
that I'd spend Valentine's Day
with Grace
for the rest of my life,
and here I am.
I just have
to make the best of it
with
this hideously shaped pizza.
Pretty sure your night
sounds better than mine.
Ah, think again.
I have to spend it with Dorrit
and this guy Scott.
They're watching violent
and depressing movies,
because they both hate
Valentine's Day.
- And you're chaperoning?
- Yeah.
I mean Dorrit claims
that they're just friends,
but I'm not buying it.
Yeah, a guy wants to hang out
with a girl on Valentine's Day,
he likes her.
That's what I'm thinking.
(Chuckles)
I'm also thinking
that she's lying to me,
because of what happened
with her last boyfriend.
I mean, you have one or two
jam sessions with a kid,
and all of a sudden,
you've overstepped
your bounds as a father.
I kinda think you might have.
Maybe.
But on the bright side,
I now have a surefire way
of driving out
undesirable suitors.
If I like 'em, they're gone.
Wow. That is power.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles)
I'll take what I can get.
(Jamison Rotz's
"City Girls" playing)
(Telephone rings)
(Ring)
Hey. Oh! Hey, Tony.
Hold on a second.
Hey, Carrie?
Can you turn that down?
♪ Straightforward like
you're staring for... ♪
(Object clatters,
volume decreases)
Yeah, sorry about that.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, well,
if it comes down to it,
I'd definitely consider
relocating back to laguna.
Yeah, we can talk more
about it tonight.
All right, see you a bit.
♪
Oh, hey.
Didn't see you there.
Everything good?
I was gonna ask you
which ones you like best.
Oh, both are great.
Wear both.
Both pairs of shoes?
Yeah.
Is there something
maybe we should talk about?
Sure, but, uh, maybe later?
I just got a lot of stuff
to go over before my meeting.
Never mind.
I would never have expected
Sebastian to let his career
take him away from me.
It made me feel like I'd...
Oh!
Had the wind knocked out of me.
Ooh! Aah.
- Wow, oh, are you okay?
- Oh!
Of course I'm not okay.
I think my...
Oh, my what do you call it?
My coccyx is broken.
- Oh.
- Carrie, nothing's broken.
You just bruised
your very cute butt.
I'll get you some ice
before I head out.
You did not
just check your watch.
Carrie,
don't turn this into a thing.
You know I got a big meeting.
How could I forget?
It's all you've
talked about for a week.
Well, excuse me
for injuring myself
on one of
your stupid skateboards
and making you late
for your cockamamy meeting.
"Cockamamy meeting"?
(Huffs)
You think what
I'm working on is stupid?
No, it's just...
A company that makes clothes
for skateboarding?
How is that gonna be
something real?
You did not just say that.
You joined the army?!
What were you thinking?
They'll pay for college.
Then I will get to live for
free... in the barracks.
Then I'll get stationed
somewhere cool...
Or cold or rainy
or dusty or all three.
It'll provide me
with structure.
Yeah, you're gonna have to
wake up at 5:00 in the morning
- every day.
- Every day?
And they're gonna
cut your hair.
Short.
Boy short.
Don't you remember crying
every day for, like, a week
after you got the Dorothy Hamill
in fifth grade?
Yeah, well,
I'm... I'm much more mature now.
Can you even do a push up?
Sure.
Not a girl one.
Then no.
Mags, the army is great
for many people.
You are not one of them!
This is not some
"Private Benjamin" fantasy,
and you are not Goldie Hawn!
Oh, my God, Mouse.
I joined the army.
You have to help me
out of this.
I'm gonna come up with a plan.
(Maggie) This is your plan?
(Mouse) She has a car
and an innate ability
to gain access to, well,
- anywhere.
- It's true.
This rack
is an all-access pass.
So your plan is to have
fun-bags McGee
talk us onto the base?
And then we'll find this
Private Watson
and convince him to rip up
your paperwork.
(Mouth full)
This is a lousy idea.
You got a better one?
Of course you don't.
So shut your mouth,
and let my tatas do the talking.
I have rules for the car...
No eating and I rule the radio.
(Sebastian) So you think what
I'm doing with my life
- right now is pointless?
- I just, I mean...
How much do you even know
about this Tony guy?
Isn't he, like, 18?
Does he really have connections
that are all that important?
He's the real deal.
And you'd knt
if you bothered to look into it.
Which would be easy
for you to do,
since you work at a magazine.
But I guess since skateboarding
doesn't interest you,
it's not worth doing.
It's like you don't even
want me to have my own life.
Of course I do,
just not at the expense
of our relationship.
Oh, come...
for God sake, Carrie.
Valentine's Day
is not that important.
- It's not just about Valentine's Day.
- Then what is it?
You said you'd move.
I heard it.
(Knock on door)
Look...
It's Walt.
Look, Carrie...
Come in!
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Look, I can't be late to this.
But...
But nothing. Okay?
What we were talking about...
it wasn't important anyway.
Did I interrupt?
- Yes. It's okay.
- No.
Of course it's okay
because you have to leave.
- Carrie!
- Just go.
Fine.
(Door closes)
- What just happened?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
I... my boyfriend is just
super-duper busy
and has a big life,
and so do I.
So let's get the hell
out of here
and go do some partying.
Okay.
Um, in just a minute.
I-I don't wanna run into him
on the stairs.
Right. Right.
(Sighs)
(Frankie Goes To Hollywood)
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna go, do it
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna suck it,
to it ♪
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
I love this.
Ah, what do I care
if my boyfriend's moving
to California?
Yeah.
Mmm.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, come on.
We're in the same boat.
Neither one of us
is getting
what we wanted tonight,
so we might as well
make the best of it.
Oh. Yay! You're here!
♪ Relax, don't do it
Hello! Mwah! Mwah!
Mmm.
So... what do you think?
It's... colorful.
- How 'bout we go get a drink?
- Yes.
Isn't this beyond?
I haven't flirted this much
without repercussions
since I had that
private audience at the Vatican.
Wait, is that...
(Horse whinnies)
Can't be.
♪ But shoot it in the right
direction ♪ (Hooves clomping)
Is she lady godiva?
(Laughs) The "lady"
part does not fit.
Such a shameless,
desperate plea for attention.
I can't believe
they're eating it up.
Gay men are usually
much more discerning
when it comes to women.
Carrie!
Hi, Carrie!
Come on. Let's show them
some real fabulosity.
(Slaps) Oh! My coccyx.
It's bruised.
I never imagined you
and the Viking were into S & M.
But good for you.
Now let's get out there
and grind.
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna go, do it
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
Thank you.
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna suck it,
to it ♪
♪ relax, don't do it
Wow, I don't think I've ever
seen you do more than sip.
What is with you tonight?
Um... I'm here?
Yeah, with me.
Okay.
The thing is,
I know this is gonna
sound a little odd,
but I think this place is
too gay for me.
- Oh. Too gay for you?
- Yes.
I hate to break it
to you, Walt,
but you've had sex with a man.
That makes you just as gay
as everyone else here.
Mm. (Chuckles)
There is a guy here
wearing nothing
but an enormous peacock feather.
And I think he might be
one of the less flamboyant ones.
He's just being himself.
It's a little more of him
than I was hoping for.
It's Valentine's Day.
People are just letting loose.
But this isn't how I wanted us
to spend our first
Valentine's Day.
With a bunch of other guys
who I have
nothing in common with,
except for being gay.
Walt, we live in a world
that thinks people like us
shouldn't be allowed
to love each other.
That fact bonds you
to every guy here,
no matter what he's wearing.
Doesn't mean we can't go
to a romantic restaurant
- on Valentine's Day.
- Sure, we could.
But why would we want
all that conventional stuff?
Overpriced chocolates
on February 14th?
Marriage? Kids?
The white picket fence?
We're not allowed
to have that, so screw it.
Tonight is about celebrating us
and what we can have,
which is each other.
And some disco music.
I know we can't have
all that stuff.
But...
(Laughs)
- Ha!
- Does it have to be this?
Listen,
just give me one song out there
on the dance floor.
And if you're not having fun
by the end of it,
I'll wear the peacock feather
to work for a week.
How can I resist?
Come on.
♪
♪ Come
Ugh. This is never
gonna work.
Maybe it won't be so bad.
I've got good bone structure,
right?
I could pull off short hair. No,
so just shut up and watch me
give this guy
the Valentine's Day of his life.
Fabulous.
I'm having the worst one of mine.
(Door closes)
(Clears throat) Hello, sir.
Hello, Miss.
How can I help you?
I'm here to see my cousin
Private Robert Watson.
Certainly.
I.D. Please.
(Chuckles) Oh, no.
I don't want you to see it.
It's not my best day.
(Giggles)
(Gasps)
I-I think
it's very becoming.
Aw.
You are so sweet.
(Chuckles)
I'm sorry, Miss Ladonna.
I'm afraid your name
isn't on the visitation list.
(Under breath) Told you.
Ugh. My cousin always forgets
to give the gate my name.
(Sighs deeply)
Can you believe it?
You wouldn't forget me,
would you?
Definitely not.
But, uh, I'm sorry,
I can't let you in,
as much as I'd like to.
(Voice breaking)
Okay, I understand.
I'm afraid I wasn't...
totally honest with you.
The truth is,
I'm not just here to visit.
(Cries) I'm here to deliver
some very tragic news
to my cousin...
Something that'll be just
devastating to Richard.
(Coughs loudly) Robert.
Robert.
You see, our grandmother's
been in the hospital,
and just today,
the poor woman passed on.
(Sighs)
I just wanted to tell him
in person.
(Crying) He loved her so much.
Listen, please, please,
don't... don't... don't do that.
I hate to see a pretty girl cry.
(Crying)
Listen, you all hurry in
and wait in the recruitment
office, all right?
I-I'll find Private Watson.
It'll be all right.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. (Sniffles)
Wow.
(Door opens) That was...
I know.
(Clears throat)
(Laughs) (Door closes)
You gotta tell 'em!
Soylent Green is people!
We've gotta stop 'em somehow!
(Laughs)
They were eating people
this whole time?
How have I never watched
this movie?
I knew you'd like it.
(Turns off TV) Just wait
till we get to "Scarface."
Apparently, it set the world
record for number of cuss words.
Nick and I once spent
an entire afternoon
trying to count them all.
We lost track after, like, 200.
Awesome. But can we agree
to never mention
that dirtbag Nick again?
Agreed.
You know, we're not really close
at all anymore.
You'd better not be.
Just kidding. I don't care.
(Telephone ringing)
So what's next?
Uh, take your pick.
"The Killing Fields."
(Ringing continues)
A little light fare
about the Khmer Rouge's
- ruthless slaughter of innocents.
(Tom) - Hello?
Or "Apocalypse Now"...
A madman
in the jungles of Vietnam.
Hmm.
They both sound good
and depressing.
Dorrit?
Audrey's on the phone...
crying.
Loudly.
Chad probably dumped her again.
Valentine's Day
is heinous baveinous.
I know.
Way too many expectations
about what the night should be.
I'll take it upstairs.
Sorry, this could take a while.
No problem.
(Under breath)
Stay cool, man. Stay cool.
(Sniffs)
(Exhales and sniffs)
(Under breath)
If you pull out drugs, bub...
Hey.
Hey. Hi. (Chuckles)
I-I just, uh, wanted to see
if, uh, you, uh,
you wanted some more popcorn?
No, thanks, uh,
Mr. Bradshaw.
You play?
Yeah, since I was 5.
I play tennis,
run cross-country.
Saw me lining up
the strings, huh?
I get a little obsessive
about that.
I know it's weird.
No, I get it. I mean,
uh, for me it's coat hangers.
You know,
two finger spaces apart.
Sounds perfectly reasonable
to me.
Sometimes it's the, uh,
little details.
Exactly.
Dorrit thinks it's lame.
Please don't tell her I'm anal.
Then she'll never look at me...
I mean, I don't, uh...
(Chuckles)
We're... we're just friends.
What are you doing
out of the kitchen?
I'm just on popcorn refill duty.
Yep, heading back to my work.
Let's watch "Scarface."
I wanna check your math.
Okay.
(Men cheering and whistling)
Look at those Tampa airport
stripper moves of hers.
I think they're mocking her.
Carrie, don't you think so?
Uh, they seem
pretty into it to me.
This won't do at all.
What do you care?
You're engaged.
Yeah, to a heterosexual male.
There's no triumph
in getting the attention
of a man you're shagging.
- It's too easy.
- Not for me.
I think Sebastian
would pay more attention
if I dressed up in
a giant skateboard costume.
This is a travesty.
I mean, I'm right here
in Thierry Mugler, no less.
And no one...
no one is paying attention.
It's not really a fair fight.
I mean, Samantha's on a horse.
Yes, she is.
(The Divys' "Get Up! Give Up!
Move On!" playing)
♪ Get up, give up,
and move on ♪
♪
Where'd she go?
Excuse me, yep.
Excuse me, pardon me.
Thank you. Coming through,
excuse me, yes, thank you.
Darling? Be a sweetie
and give me a turn on the
horse, won't you? (Whinnies)
Are you joking? No way.
Come on.
Is she bothering you?
Yeah, stay away from our diva.
She's not a diva. I am.
Not get off of the horse.
No!
(Screams) (Crowd gasps)
Oh, man!
I'm turning straight
just looking at you.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Sorry, Larissa.
Guess we know
who the true diva is.
Hey!
Get your hands off bluebell,
you bitch!
Let me up there!
(Crowd chanting)
Catfight! Catfight!
That's enough, ladies!
It's time for you to go.
Who are you to tell me
I have to go?
I'm the bouncer, bitch.
Ooh, ooh, no, wait!
I'm wearing Thierry Mugler.
I'm wearing Thierry Mugler!
Oh!
(Sighs)
What's taking so long?
I bet they're onto us.
God, Mouse, I'm doomed.
And you promised me
officers to flirt with, Mouse.
So... where are they?
Nice. Make it about you,
Donna.
Hey, you're the dum-dum
who got yourself into this mess.
If it were up to me,
I'd send you straight
to the frontlines.
Enough!
Fighting is not
going to help us right now.
What are you doing?
You're right.
They're onto us.
I'm gonna find your file
and rip it up myself.
So these are alphabetical...
New recruits.
Let's see... (Sighs)
Just what the hell
do you think you're doing?
Those files are
the official property
of the United States Army.
And you're in big trouble.
(Erasure's "Oh L'Amour"
playing)
Okay, Bennet. You win.
This place is pretty fun.
And I had a nice conversation
with the peacock guy.
His name is Jeremy,
and he's an accountant,
and he gave me some tax advice.
Not that I file taxes yet.
I'm not gonna say
I told you so...
So I'll say it.
I told you so.
Yeah, okay.
I deserve it.
I was being a total jerk
for judging these guys.
That's okay. You're, like,
barely out of the closet.
And it was a deep, deep,
like, walk-in closet.
So cut yourself some slack.
Whoa!
Oh!
Martin. Hey.
Bennet.
Martin, this is my
friend Carrie... hi!
And Walt, my boyfriend.
Martin's a good friend
of my ex, Eric.
How's he doing, by the way?
Is he still... traveling?
So you haven't heard?
Heard what?
Oh, God. Um...
I told you him
that he needed to call you.
He's been in total denial.
He has it.
He was just diagnosed.
Eric is dying of AIDS.
Oh, my God.
There's a test now.
You should get it.
♪ Oh, l'amour
♪ what's a boy in love
supposed to do? ♪
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick.
(Breathing heavily)
Walt, you need to calm down.
Just take a breath.
Don't. Not now.
Walt, I know you're scared.
Believe me, I am, too.
But there's no use completely
freaking out right now.
- We can both go get tested tomorrow.
- Don't tell me not to freak out right now.
Walt, he's just trying to help.
Well, I don't want your help.
AIDS Is a death sentence!
And I'm not supposed to panic,
even though you might have
given it to me?
Don't worry because it's okay.
There's a test I can take
to find out whether or not
I'm gonna die?
- And I should calm down?
- You know what?
I'm in the same boat,
and I just found out
my ex is dying.
So maybe you can be
a little more understanding.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I didn't wanna come here
tonight!
I knew I'd hate it!
This place, these people...
This isn't me!
This isn't who I am.
And now we're talking
about AIDS?!
Walt, calm down.
No, I can't.
I have to get out of here.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Walt, stop!
So I take it Scott went home?
Yeah, we didn't make it
through "The Killing Fields"
it was too depressing,
even for me.
(Chuckles) Well, listen...
(Bowl clatters)
I want you to know
that I am very proud of you.
That's weird. For what?
Well, for having
the good judgment
to know not to get involved
with this Scott fellow
romantically.
Really? Why?
I kept my eye on him.
And let's just say
that I think he could be...
Dangerous.
(Scoffs) Dangerous?
Mm-hmm.
Scott?
Yeah, I know he seems like
a nice kid,
but I can just tell.
I've seen it before.
And those kind of guys
are the worst trouble.
All right, in fact,
I don't really even want you
seeing him at all,
even as a friend.
I just... think he's...
A bad influence.
Who do you think you are,
telling me who I can
and can't date?
Date?
- Well, I-I thought you guys were friends?
- No!
I mean, yes, we are,
but it's just like...
On principle.
And if I did decide
to date him,
you couldn't stop me.
Over my dead body!
(Stomping)
(Chuckles)
Officer...
Can't you just let us go,
and we'll pretend
this never happened?
If... if you'd just...
You can't arrest us!
You know, I'm going to Harvard,
and if they find out,
they're going to cut me,
and my life will be over.
Shh. Mouse.
I've never been in trouble,
ever.
I've never even skipped a class,
even on skip day.
They had to hire a sub
to sit in study hall with me,
and I think
she was really annoyed.
Spare me the sob story
and the sexpot dramatics.
I'm sure that's how you
sweet-talked Sergeant Boyce
into letting you on base,
but it won't work on me.
I know all the techniques.
I've got two sisters.
Two sisters.
I've got two brothers.
But I learned nothing
from that,
except that I love football
and college basketball.
Really?
Yeah.
Big East all the way.
You're crazy.
Big Ten or nothing.
Please, I have two words
for you... Patrick Ewing.
And I've got two words
for you...
Steve Alford.
But I'm still filing a report.
Listen, this is all my fault.
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's not.
She was just trying to help me
because I freaked out
about my future,
or lack thereof,
and I joined the army
without thinking it through.
She tried to clean up my mess,
just like she's done
since elementary school,
which is pretty cool of her.
She doesn't deserve
to get arrested.
And this one's a nightmare,
but she probably doesn't deserve
to get arrested, either.
Look...
Technically,
you didn't break in anywhere.
This was Boyce's fault
for being dumb enough
to let you in, so...
(Exhales deeply)
You went to all this trouble
to get out of enlisting?
You know you just had
to write a letter
to the office saying
you changed your mind, right?
Well, if we knew that,
we wouldn't be here now,
would we?
Okay, know when
to shut up, Mouse.
Yeah, skank's right.
Let's go.
Thanks. That was really
cool of you.
We all make mistakes.
Yeah, well...
(Exhales) Okay, thanks again.
Um, I'm gonna...
Wait a minute.
Oh, do you wanna
take our names?
Just yours.
And if you don't think
I'm being too out of line,
your number?
So I can ask you out?
Oh.
Uh, uh, yes, I mean.
Yes, absolutely. (Chuckles)
Sometimes the unexpected
takes the form
of a sweet surprise.
But sometimes not.
(Exhales deeply)
(Telephone clatters)
(Door opens) (Sighs)
Oh, it's you. (Exhales)
That happy to see me, huh?
I thought you were Walt.
(Keys clatter)
Look, I know we had a fight,
but I want you to know,
I'm not moving, okay?
I promise.
(Horns honking in distance)
Hey, Carrie.
What's wrong?
(Voice breaking) It's not you
or us or the fight.
It's Walt.
Bennet's ex-boyfriend
has AIDS,
and so now Bennet
could have it,
which means Walt could have it.
And... we found out
at the club.
And then Walt ran away,
and I can't find him anywhere.
(Crying) And I thought
he might be here,
and I wanted to call the house
to see if he was there,
but if I do,
then my dad will answer,
and... and I'll have to
tell him.
(Sobbing)
And I just... I just...
I really need you right now,
because I don't know
what to do.
And I just... I need you.
I'm here. I'm here for you.
Okay? Okay.
Got that?
Hey, look at me.
(Sighs and sniffles)
All right, come on. I'll drive.
(Keys clatter)
Let's go find Walt, all right?
Okay.
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
(Sniffling)
(Indistinct conversations)
I'm glad you came.
I've missed you.
It's only been a week.
I know, but, well...
(Chuckles)
I don't know about you,
but it's been the longest week
of my life.
So, first things first.
I got my results back yesterday.
They're negative.
I assume
you got good news, too.
Yeah, I did.
(Sighs) That's great.
We're so lucky, Walt.
Lucky?
Yeah.
I went to visit Eric
in the hospital.
It's pretty brutal.
Sorry, Bennet.
Yeah, he's, uh...
(Voice breaks)
He's got pneumonia,
and the virus has invaded
his brain.
He didn't even know
I was there half the time.
And...
Maybe it's better that
he doesn't know what's going on.
They can't help him anymore.
He's just...
- He's waiting to die...
- Stop!
Okay, please? Just stop.
God, that's awful.
I can't hear this.
I'm sorry.
I know you're scared,
but we need to talk about it.
I can't hear it, Bennet.
I'm only 18.
I'm not supposed
to have to start thinking
about dying when my life
has barely started.
You're not dying.
But there's people
in our community
whose lives have also
just started who are.
I'm not part of this community.
Of course you are.
We're all gay men.
And AIDS is a reality
in our community.
Would you please stop
calling it that?
I am not part of any community.
I knew this was
gonna be hard, coming out...
That people would judge me,
even hate me...
But I never thought
about everything
that I'd have to give up.
Like having kids,
getting married.
When I was little,
I used to dream of having
my wedding at the Waldorf.
Which, I know,
I probably should've realized
then that I was gay.
But the point is,
I want that stuff...
The white picket fence,
the family.
That's stuff I can't have
if I'm gay.
So what are you saying?
I don't know. I just...
know I can't do this.
I see.
(Greg Laswell's
"The Killing Moon" playing)
♪ Fate
I love you.
♪ Up against your will
(voice breaks)
But that's not enough.
♪ Through the thick and thin
I'm sorry.
It's scary when we realize
how quickly
our expectations for the future
can slip away.
♪ You give yourself to him
♪ in starlit nights I saw you ♪
Everything okay?
Mm-hmm.
So I did some research
and found out
what a McTwist is.
It's a backside spin
with a mute grab.
It's pretty sick, right?
V-very impressed.
Well, don't be.
I can say it,
but I have no idea
what it means.
(Laughs)
But I do know
I'm excited for you,
and for this opportunity.
Thanks.
I want you to know,
my life is here.
I can launch the business
from New York.
I'm not leaving.
I'm here for you, okay?
Okay.
♪ He will wait until...
So what you doing?
- Well, these are my designs.
- Mm-hmm.
Which one do you like better?
♪
Sometimes what we expect
and what actually happens
can be completely surprising...
in a good way.
Hold on.
I'll meet you in Study Hall.
I just wanna make a phone call.
Pete? Again?
This is crazy.
(Coins clink)
I can't believe you
fell for the guy
who almost arrested us.
Whoever would've thought?
I know.
(Line ringing)
Of course, some things in life
really are predictable.
(Doorbell rings) I'll get it!
Now just where do you think
you're going, young lady?
On a date.
♪
We will talk about this
when you get home, Dorrit!
(Door slams)
(Mouths word)
Whoo!
♪ Your will
(Carrie) It's reassuring
when things turn out
just as we think they will.
I knew they'd love us
as a pair. (Giggles)
(Gasps and exhales)
But more often than not,
the universe pulls
the rug out from under us.
♪ Up against your will
♪ through the thick and thin
Will we be brave?
Or will we run away,
hoping to avoid
the next cruel surprise?
♪ Him
Mom? It's me.
I wanna come home.
♪
So how do we carry on
in a world
where the unexpected
could hit at any time?
We look for someone we love
to hold on to.
♪ Under blue moon
♪ I saw you
♪ soon you will take me
before there was the city,
there was just me,
Carrie... Carrie Bradshaw
from Castlebury, Connecticut.
(Voice breaks)
My parents kicked me out.
I was hoping
he could stay with us.
Of course he can stay.
Seeing my parents' faces
made me feel bad
about what I'm doing.
You being gay... that is
their issue, not yours.
These are
your college applications.
Time to start planning
your future.
Never, ever become friends with
one of my boyfriends again.
Okay.
Cool party. I'm Scott.
You don't have to talk to me
if it bugs you.
No! I-I like it.
My dad... he's gonna give me
an allowance
to find a place in Manhattan.
What do you think
about the flat?
I think I can make this work.
Ooh, you are gonna
adore it here!
(Carrie) - You gonna be good here?
- Yeah.
The Carrie Diaries 02x10
Date Expectations
Originally Aired January 10, 2014
Valentine's Day in New York
is just as intense
as everything else in the city.
(Belinda Carlisle)
♪ I'm mad about you
♪ you're mad about me, babe
guys knock themselves out
looking for the perfect gift.
♪ Aren't we?
Reservations
at romantic restaurants
fill up weeks in advance.
♪ Mad about you
(camera shutter clicks)
♪ mad about you
♪ lost in your eyes
♪ reason aside
♪ mad about love
♪ mad about you
you wouldn't expect
jaded new yorkers
to get caught up
in such a mushy holiday.
♪ Mad about you ♪ mad about you
♪ lost in your eyes
♪ reason aside
but that's the thing
about expectations.
What you expect
and what you can get
can be shockingly different.
Am I in the right place?
I just fixed up the place
a little bit.
Put my own stamp on it.
Mm-hmm.
You don't like it?
N-no, it's... it's great.
I just, um...
I wasn't expecting
such a big...
Hey, what...
What happened to Larissa's
zebra-print chaise lounge?
Well, Carrie,
in case you hadn't noticed,
I'm a guy.
Oh, I definitely noticed.
Whoa! (Chuckles)
(Chuckles)
What's with the...
All the... the skateboards
and the clothes?
- Pretty sick, right?
- "Sick"?
Sorry, skater lingo. It means
"cool." (Siren wailing in distance)
Since when do you speak
skater lingo?
Well, I used to skate
with my cousins out in Jersey.
- Oh.
- Then when I was in Cali,
I started hanging out
with this guy, Tony,
and he's kind of
a skating prodigy.
I didn't know
there was such thing
as a skating prodigy.
Well, this guy is.
Tony Hawk.
Remember the name.
I'm telling you,
he's gonna be huge.
What are you, his mom?
Very funny.
We became pretty good friends,
and I'm hoping to use
some of his contacts
for a business
I might be starting.
Wait. What?
Well, he knows everyone
in the skateboarding world,
and I think
there's a market out there
that hasn't been tapped into.
Like shoes, clothes,
all based on skate culture.
And look at these cool designs.
I-I commissioned a street artist
to create the decks.
"Decks"?
Yeah, the part of the skateboard
that's not the wheels.
Oh.
So these could be
on shirts, shorts.
Got it. (Chuckles)
Yeah. I'm really excited
about this, Carrie.
Well, then that sounds,
uh... sick. (Chuckles)
All right, I'll shut up
about skateboards.
Let's talk about
Valentine's Day instead.
Oh, yeah?
Does that mean...
I made the reservation at
One If By Land, Two If By Sea.
(Gasps) Ooh, yay!
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
I know Valentine's Day
is cheesy,
but I'm so excited to spend it
with you in the city,
especially after everything
we've been through together.
I just... I want it
to be perfect.
It will be.
Okay.
(Skateboard clatters)
My expectations for
Valentine's Day were sky-high.
But Maggie's weren't nearly
so lofty...
For the holiday,
or for her future.
You got into Central Connecticut
State University.
That's great!
Yeah, with no financial aid.
You can still apply for a loan.
Oh, so I can be broke
for the rest of my life
and still have no clue
what I'm doing
and have a degree
from a lame school.
C.C.S.U.'s a perfectly
respectable school.
Please. You're the one
who calls it C.C.S.-Loser.
In my defense,
that was before I knew
you were going there.
And they have some
notable alumni.
Did you know that one of
the first governors of Alaska
graduated from there?
Ugh. I would never wanna be
the governor of Alaska.
Hawaii. Now we're talking.
Not Alaska.
I'm very sensitive to the cold.
Oh, speaking of cold,
here comes Donna.
- Let's freeze her out.
- Hey, Mouse!
Happy military
recruitment week.
I don't know about you,
but I am feeling very...
Patriotic.
Make sure you check out
the army eye candy.
This year's
are particularly fine.
(Donna) Mm.
What was that all about?
Oh, it's army recruitment time,
you know?
The recruiters come to school
for two weeks
to sign people up
to join after graduation.
That's not what I'm talking
about, and you know it.
What is going on
with you and Donna?
You two were downright chummy.
(Scoffs) - I wouldn't say chummy.
- Chummy.
(Sighs) Okay, look,
Donna and I kind of had fun
together at
Carrie's party last month.
Ugh. I could've stopped that.
I never should've gone away
with my parents that weekend.
And then, it turns out,
we have health class together
this semester.
And I sit right next to her
and she's actually kinda funny.
And I want you to know,
I have strongly suggested
to Donna
that she no longer
call you names.
Okay, good,
because it is terrible that she
calls people names. Mm-hmm.
I would never stoop to that.
Okay, Donna may be
a skanky whorebeast,
but she is right
about one thing...
those army guys
are total babes.
The army will take care
of it for you,
not college.
(Larissa) No.
Nope.
Horrid.
Oh.
Looks like she's squatting
to give birth in a field in this one.
(Chuckles)
Ah, here we are.
She only looks
slightly constipated here.
Remind me never
to book her again.
If you need a model,
I'm available.
Darling, this is
a high-fashion magazine.
I once walked the runway
at the Tallahassee Mall
Back-To-School Fashion Show.
Yeah, I rest my case.
(Telephone ringing in distance)
Oh, Walt!
I didn't know you were
coming tonight.
Yeah, it's last minute.
Bennet and I are gonna see
"Hannah and Her Sisters."
(Bennet)
Which I'm very excited about!
- I'll be down in a minute.
(Chuckles) - Okay.
"Hannah and Her Sisters"?
Shouldn't you be seeing
Hank and His Brothers?
Or is girl-on-girl porn
a new trend for gay guys?
(Scoffs) I can't keep up.
Um, it's a Woody Allen movie.
Woody Allen?
What a great porn name.
It's not... (Chuckles)
He's a director.
So he directs porn?
Even better.
He wrote and directed
"Annie Hall."
And starred in it.
- With Diane Keaton?
- I don't know.
Oh, that movie is such
a love letter to the city.
Speaking of love,
do you have any suggestions
for restaurants
on Valentine's Day?
I wanna plan
a romantic dinner for Bennet and me.
Stop right there.
You don't need to make
any plans for that night.
You all have to come see me
at my new place of business.
You want us to help you
sell knives door-to-door?
Oh, honey,
I already quit that job.
I'm working
the Heartbreaker Party at Boy.
(Bennet) Boy?!
Ooh, I love that place.
You've got a job at the most
fabulous gay club in the city?
How did you wrangle that?
Oh, no, wait, wait.
Let me guess.
They mistook you
for a drag queen!
(Chuckles)
Their Heartbreaker Party
is legendary.
(Kisses) I'm in, of course.
Harlan will be in Budapest
on business next week,
and this is the perfect way
for me to flirt
with gorgeous men
without making him jealous.
What do you say?
I've always wanted to go
to that party.
Oh.
Um... (Chuckles)
Isn't that the club
where the guys wear
all the leather and stuff?
(Larissa) Absolutely.
Leather daddies.
Lots of muscle boys.
And the city's
most outrageous drag queens,
including a Joan Collins
who out-Joan Collinses
Joan Collins.
Hmm. Sounds, uh, scary.
It's not.
It's fun and outrageous.
Walt and I are in.
Well, Valentine's Day
at Boy it is.
Well, you guys have fun.
As I have mentioned,
Sebastian and I
have a romantic dinner planned.
Ugh. The only thing worse
than a happy couple,
is a happy couple
on Valentine's Day.
(Stifles laugh)
It's disgusting.
I would love to go to boy
and show off my skills,
but Sebastian would kill me
if I canceled.
(Record needle scratches)
What do you mean
you're canceling?
Sorry, Carrie.
But Tony's only in town
for that one night.
I'm gonna pitch him some
of my ideas, and if he likes 'em,
he might put me in contact
with some people in California.
Wait a sec.
You're canceling
our Valentine's dinner
for that skateboarding thing?
You're joking, right?
More flowers from Harlan?
Really, this is just overkill.
I mean, has he no respect
for the fact
that I actually have a job
to do on this desk?
Get someone to clear all this
and tell Janet
to make me a cappuccino
while you're at it.
Hopefully, this won't be him
trying his hand at poetry again.
Oh! Oh, no, Carrie.
Hang on.
This one's for you.
Looks like
someone's feeling guilty.
"Sorry about tonight.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love, Sebastian."
Well, he should feel guilty.
Not only did he cancel
our Valentine's Day plans,
but he's using
our One If By Land,
Two If By Sea reservation
for his meeting
with that Tony Eagle guy.
Thank you.
Can you believe it?
Mm, I can.
If only because you've told me
so many times,
the sheer repetition
has convinced me.
Honestly, all this fuss
over a dreadful holiday
where you're meant to
stuff yourself with chocolates
and a huge dinner,
and then shag
once you're good and bloated?
I mean, it makes no sense
to me at all.
Well, that's easy for you
to say.
Harlan is out of the country
for a good reason...
A real job
that he actually has.
Please. I'm fairly sure
he faked his business meeting
in Budapest to get out
of the Valentine's pressure.
- Really?
- Put it this way...
when I asked
what the meeting was,
he said something about
Hungary's top goulash company
buying another goulash company.
I mean, he's probably golfing
somewhere tropical.
But I don't mind.
You really don't, do you?
(Scoffs)
Why can't I be like that?
Because no one can be me.
Seriously, I thought
you'd be happy
that Sebastian
has his own thing going on.
He is handsome, he is rich,
and he's ambitious?
He's a one-man dream team.
Yeah...
But skateboarding?
I mean,
that's not a real business.
There's no way
that's going anywhere.
It's... it's a fad.
But I can't say that to him.
So I just have to sit there
with a fake smile on my face,
while he drones on and on
about something called
a "McTwist" and blows me off
on Valentine's Day.
Trust me,
Valentine's Day's bollocks.
You're gonna have a much better
time at Boy tonight.
I guess.
There is simply nothing better
than getting attention
from beautiful men
who don't wanna sleep with you.
It's much more meaningful.
And while
I adjusted my expectations
for the night,
Maggie shifted her expectations
for her future.
Uh, hi there.
What's your name?
Uh, Maggie.
Maggie Landers.
Happy Valentine's Day.
"Private Landers."
It's got a nice ring to it.
(Chuckles)
You ever consider joining
the armed forces?
What? Oh! No. No, no.
Trust me, you don't want me
defending the country.
And have you heard of
the G.I. Bill?
You can go to college
all on the army's dime.
Well, I-I was thinking
about college,
but I don't even know
what I'd study.
Oh, I was just like you.
That's what's so great
about the army.
Lots of people find their focus
while they're here.
We can help you
figure out your future.
Huh.
- That sounds good.
- Yeah.
And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.
Let me ask you something.
Do you like to travel?
Sure.
Everybody likes to travel.
Did you know we have bases
all around the world?
You can get stationed
in Europe.
Or even Hawaii.
Hawaii?
(Chuckles)
Heart-shaped pizza.
(Chuckles)
That is officially overkill.
Yeah.
So, uh, what's on the agenda
for you and your... friend?
Oh. Mnh-mnh.
- Did you guys break up?
- No.
No, we're just spending tonight
with about a thousand other guys
at this really loud club,
where everyone's really...
loud.
And it's not really
how I imagined
spending my Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I can relate.
You can?
Well, not to all the specifics,
but, uh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I always thought
that I'd spend Valentine's Day
with Grace
for the rest of my life,
and here I am.
I just have
to make the best of it
with
this hideously shaped pizza.
Pretty sure your night
sounds better than mine.
Ah, think again.
I have to spend it with Dorrit
and this guy Scott.
They're watching violent
and depressing movies,
because they both hate
Valentine's Day.
- And you're chaperoning?
- Yeah.
I mean Dorrit claims
that they're just friends,
but I'm not buying it.
Yeah, a guy wants to hang out
with a girl on Valentine's Day,
he likes her.
That's what I'm thinking.
(Chuckles)
I'm also thinking
that she's lying to me,
because of what happened
with her last boyfriend.
I mean, you have one or two
jam sessions with a kid,
and all of a sudden,
you've overstepped
your bounds as a father.
I kinda think you might have.
Maybe.
But on the bright side,
I now have a surefire way
of driving out
undesirable suitors.
If I like 'em, they're gone.
Wow. That is power.
(Chuckles) (Chuckles)
I'll take what I can get.
(Jamison Rotz's
"City Girls" playing)
(Telephone rings)
(Ring)
Hey. Oh! Hey, Tony.
Hold on a second.
Hey, Carrie?
Can you turn that down?
♪ Straightforward like
you're staring for... ♪
(Object clatters,
volume decreases)
Yeah, sorry about that.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, well,
if it comes down to it,
I'd definitely consider
relocating back to laguna.
Yeah, we can talk more
about it tonight.
All right, see you a bit.
♪
Oh, hey.
Didn't see you there.
Everything good?
I was gonna ask you
which ones you like best.
Oh, both are great.
Wear both.
Both pairs of shoes?
Yeah.
Is there something
maybe we should talk about?
Sure, but, uh, maybe later?
I just got a lot of stuff
to go over before my meeting.
Never mind.
I would never have expected
Sebastian to let his career
take him away from me.
It made me feel like I'd...
Oh!
Had the wind knocked out of me.
Ooh! Aah.
- Wow, oh, are you okay?
- Oh!
Of course I'm not okay.
I think my...
Oh, my what do you call it?
My coccyx is broken.
- Oh.
- Carrie, nothing's broken.
You just bruised
your very cute butt.
I'll get you some ice
before I head out.
You did not
just check your watch.
Carrie,
don't turn this into a thing.
You know I got a big meeting.
How could I forget?
It's all you've
talked about for a week.
Well, excuse me
for injuring myself
on one of
your stupid skateboards
and making you late
for your cockamamy meeting.
"Cockamamy meeting"?
(Huffs)
You think what
I'm working on is stupid?
No, it's just...
A company that makes clothes
for skateboarding?
How is that gonna be
something real?
You did not just say that.
You joined the army?!
What were you thinking?
They'll pay for college.
Then I will get to live for
free... in the barracks.
Then I'll get stationed
somewhere cool...
Or cold or rainy
or dusty or all three.
It'll provide me
with structure.
Yeah, you're gonna have to
wake up at 5:00 in the morning
- every day.
- Every day?
And they're gonna
cut your hair.
Short.
Boy short.
Don't you remember crying
every day for, like, a week
after you got the Dorothy Hamill
in fifth grade?
Yeah, well,
I'm... I'm much more mature now.
Can you even do a push up?
Sure.
Not a girl one.
Then no.
Mags, the army is great
for many people.
You are not one of them!
This is not some
"Private Benjamin" fantasy,
and you are not Goldie Hawn!
Oh, my God, Mouse.
I joined the army.
You have to help me
out of this.
I'm gonna come up with a plan.
(Maggie) This is your plan?
(Mouse) She has a car
and an innate ability
to gain access to, well,
- anywhere.
- It's true.
This rack
is an all-access pass.
So your plan is to have
fun-bags McGee
talk us onto the base?
And then we'll find this
Private Watson
and convince him to rip up
your paperwork.
(Mouth full)
This is a lousy idea.
You got a better one?
Of course you don't.
So shut your mouth,
and let my tatas do the talking.
I have rules for the car...
No eating and I rule the radio.
(Sebastian) So you think what
I'm doing with my life
- right now is pointless?
- I just, I mean...
How much do you even know
about this Tony guy?
Isn't he, like, 18?
Does he really have connections
that are all that important?
He's the real deal.
And you'd knt
if you bothered to look into it.
Which would be easy
for you to do,
since you work at a magazine.
But I guess since skateboarding
doesn't interest you,
it's not worth doing.
It's like you don't even
want me to have my own life.
Of course I do,
just not at the expense
of our relationship.
Oh, come...
for God sake, Carrie.
Valentine's Day
is not that important.
- It's not just about Valentine's Day.
- Then what is it?
You said you'd move.
I heard it.
(Knock on door)
Look...
It's Walt.
Look, Carrie...
Come in!
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Look, I can't be late to this.
But...
But nothing. Okay?
What we were talking about...
it wasn't important anyway.
Did I interrupt?
- Yes. It's okay.
- No.
Of course it's okay
because you have to leave.
- Carrie!
- Just go.
Fine.
(Door closes)
- What just happened?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
I... my boyfriend is just
super-duper busy
and has a big life,
and so do I.
So let's get the hell
out of here
and go do some partying.
Okay.
Um, in just a minute.
I-I don't wanna run into him
on the stairs.
Right. Right.
(Sighs)
(Frankie Goes To Hollywood)
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna go, do it
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna suck it,
to it ♪
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
I love this.
Ah, what do I care
if my boyfriend's moving
to California?
Yeah.
Mmm.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, come on.
We're in the same boat.
Neither one of us
is getting
what we wanted tonight,
so we might as well
make the best of it.
Oh. Yay! You're here!
♪ Relax, don't do it
Hello! Mwah! Mwah!
Mmm.
So... what do you think?
It's... colorful.
- How 'bout we go get a drink?
- Yes.
Isn't this beyond?
I haven't flirted this much
without repercussions
since I had that
private audience at the Vatican.
Wait, is that...
(Horse whinnies)
Can't be.
♪ But shoot it in the right
direction ♪ (Hooves clomping)
Is she lady godiva?
(Laughs) The "lady"
part does not fit.
Such a shameless,
desperate plea for attention.
I can't believe
they're eating it up.
Gay men are usually
much more discerning
when it comes to women.
Carrie!
Hi, Carrie!
Come on. Let's show them
some real fabulosity.
(Slaps) Oh! My coccyx.
It's bruised.
I never imagined you
and the Viking were into S & M.
But good for you.
Now let's get out there
and grind.
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna go, do it
♪ relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna come
Thank you.
♪ Relax, don't do it
♪ when you wanna suck it,
to it ♪
♪ relax, don't do it
Wow, I don't think I've ever
seen you do more than sip.
What is with you tonight?
Um... I'm here?
Yeah, with me.
Okay.
The thing is,
I know this is gonna
sound a little odd,
but I think this place is
too gay for me.
- Oh. Too gay for you?
- Yes.
I hate to break it
to you, Walt,
but you've had sex with a man.
That makes you just as gay
as everyone else here.
Mm. (Chuckles)
There is a guy here
wearing nothing
but an enormous peacock feather.
And I think he might be
one of the less flamboyant ones.
He's just being himself.
It's a little more of him
than I was hoping for.
It's Valentine's Day.
People are just letting loose.
But this isn't how I wanted us
to spend our first
Valentine's Day.
With a bunch of other guys
who I have
nothing in common with,
except for being gay.
Walt, we live in a world
that thinks people like us
shouldn't be allowed
to love each other.
That fact bonds you
to every guy here,
no matter what he's wearing.
Doesn't mean we can't go
to a romantic restaurant
- on Valentine's Day.
- Sure, we could.
But why would we want
all that conventional stuff?
Overpriced chocolates
on February 14th?
Marriage? Kids?
The white picket fence?
We're not allowed
to have that, so screw it.
Tonight is about celebrating us
and what we can have,
which is each other.
And some disco music.
I know we can't have
all that stuff.
But...
(Laughs)
- Ha!
- Does it have to be this?
Listen,
just give me one song out there
on the dance floor.
And if you're not having fun
by the end of it,
I'll wear the peacock feather
to work for a week.
How can I resist?
Come on.
♪
♪ Come
Ugh. This is never
gonna work.
Maybe it won't be so bad.
I've got good bone structure,
right?
I could pull off short hair. No,
so just shut up and watch me
give this guy
the Valentine's Day of his life.
Fabulous.
I'm having the worst one of mine.
(Door closes)
(Clears throat) Hello, sir.
Hello, Miss.
How can I help you?
I'm here to see my cousin
Private Robert Watson.
Certainly.
I.D. Please.
(Chuckles) Oh, no.
I don't want you to see it.
It's not my best day.
(Giggles)
(Gasps)
I-I think
it's very becoming.
Aw.
You are so sweet.
(Chuckles)
I'm sorry, Miss Ladonna.
I'm afraid your name
isn't on the visitation list.
(Under breath) Told you.
Ugh. My cousin always forgets
to give the gate my name.
(Sighs deeply)
Can you believe it?
You wouldn't forget me,
would you?
Definitely not.
But, uh, I'm sorry,
I can't let you in,
as much as I'd like to.
(Voice breaking)
Okay, I understand.
I'm afraid I wasn't...
totally honest with you.
The truth is,
I'm not just here to visit.
(Cries) I'm here to deliver
some very tragic news
to my cousin...
Something that'll be just
devastating to Richard.
(Coughs loudly) Robert.
Robert.
You see, our grandmother's
been in the hospital,
and just today,
the poor woman passed on.
(Sighs)
I just wanted to tell him
in person.
(Crying) He loved her so much.
Listen, please, please,
don't... don't... don't do that.
I hate to see a pretty girl cry.
(Crying)
Listen, you all hurry in
and wait in the recruitment
office, all right?
I-I'll find Private Watson.
It'll be all right.
Thank you.
Thank you so much. (Sniffles)
Wow.
(Door opens) That was...
I know.
(Clears throat)
(Laughs) (Door closes)
You gotta tell 'em!
Soylent Green is people!
We've gotta stop 'em somehow!
(Laughs)
They were eating people
this whole time?
How have I never watched
this movie?
I knew you'd like it.
(Turns off TV) Just wait
till we get to "Scarface."
Apparently, it set the world
record for number of cuss words.
Nick and I once spent
an entire afternoon
trying to count them all.
We lost track after, like, 200.
Awesome. But can we agree
to never mention
that dirtbag Nick again?
Agreed.
You know, we're not really close
at all anymore.
You'd better not be.
Just kidding. I don't care.
(Telephone ringing)
So what's next?
Uh, take your pick.
"The Killing Fields."
(Ringing continues)
A little light fare
about the Khmer Rouge's
- ruthless slaughter of innocents.
(Tom) - Hello?
Or "Apocalypse Now"...
A madman
in the jungles of Vietnam.
Hmm.
They both sound good
and depressing.
Dorrit?
Audrey's on the phone...
crying.
Loudly.
Chad probably dumped her again.
Valentine's Day
is heinous baveinous.
I know.
Way too many expectations
about what the night should be.
I'll take it upstairs.
Sorry, this could take a while.
No problem.
(Under breath)
Stay cool, man. Stay cool.
(Sniffs)
(Exhales and sniffs)
(Under breath)
If you pull out drugs, bub...
Hey.
Hey. Hi. (Chuckles)
I-I just, uh, wanted to see
if, uh, you, uh,
you wanted some more popcorn?
No, thanks, uh,
Mr. Bradshaw.
You play?
Yeah, since I was 5.
I play tennis,
run cross-country.
Saw me lining up
the strings, huh?
I get a little obsessive
about that.
I know it's weird.
No, I get it. I mean,
uh, for me it's coat hangers.
You know,
two finger spaces apart.
Sounds perfectly reasonable
to me.
Sometimes it's the, uh,
little details.
Exactly.
Dorrit thinks it's lame.
Please don't tell her I'm anal.
Then she'll never look at me...
I mean, I don't, uh...
(Chuckles)
We're... we're just friends.
What are you doing
out of the kitchen?
I'm just on popcorn refill duty.
Yep, heading back to my work.
Let's watch "Scarface."
I wanna check your math.
Okay.
(Men cheering and whistling)
Look at those Tampa airport
stripper moves of hers.
I think they're mocking her.
Carrie, don't you think so?
Uh, they seem
pretty into it to me.
This won't do at all.
What do you care?
You're engaged.
Yeah, to a heterosexual male.
There's no triumph
in getting the attention
of a man you're shagging.
- It's too easy.
- Not for me.
I think Sebastian
would pay more attention
if I dressed up in
a giant skateboard costume.
This is a travesty.
I mean, I'm right here
in Thierry Mugler, no less.
And no one...
no one is paying attention.
It's not really a fair fight.
I mean, Samantha's on a horse.
Yes, she is.
(The Divys' "Get Up! Give Up!
Move On!" playing)
♪ Get up, give up,
and move on ♪
♪
Where'd she go?
Excuse me, yep.
Excuse me, pardon me.
Thank you. Coming through,
excuse me, yes, thank you.
Darling? Be a sweetie
and give me a turn on the
horse, won't you? (Whinnies)
Are you joking? No way.
Come on.
Is she bothering you?
Yeah, stay away from our diva.
She's not a diva. I am.
Not get off of the horse.
No!
(Screams) (Crowd gasps)
Oh, man!
I'm turning straight
just looking at you.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Sorry, Larissa.
Guess we know
who the true diva is.
Hey!
Get your hands off bluebell,
you bitch!
Let me up there!
(Crowd chanting)
Catfight! Catfight!
That's enough, ladies!
It's time for you to go.
Who are you to tell me
I have to go?
I'm the bouncer, bitch.
Ooh, ooh, no, wait!
I'm wearing Thierry Mugler.
I'm wearing Thierry Mugler!
Oh!
(Sighs)
What's taking so long?
I bet they're onto us.
God, Mouse, I'm doomed.
And you promised me
officers to flirt with, Mouse.
So... where are they?
Nice. Make it about you,
Donna.
Hey, you're the dum-dum
who got yourself into this mess.
If it were up to me,
I'd send you straight
to the frontlines.
Enough!
Fighting is not
going to help us right now.
What are you doing?
You're right.
They're onto us.
I'm gonna find your file
and rip it up myself.
So these are alphabetical...
New recruits.
Let's see... (Sighs)
Just what the hell
do you think you're doing?
Those files are
the official property
of the United States Army.
And you're in big trouble.
(Erasure's "Oh L'Amour"
playing)
Okay, Bennet. You win.
This place is pretty fun.
And I had a nice conversation
with the peacock guy.
His name is Jeremy,
and he's an accountant,
and he gave me some tax advice.
Not that I file taxes yet.
I'm not gonna say
I told you so...
So I'll say it.
I told you so.
Yeah, okay.
I deserve it.
I was being a total jerk
for judging these guys.
That's okay. You're, like,
barely out of the closet.
And it was a deep, deep,
like, walk-in closet.
So cut yourself some slack.
Whoa!
Oh!
Martin. Hey.
Bennet.
Martin, this is my
friend Carrie... hi!
And Walt, my boyfriend.
Martin's a good friend
of my ex, Eric.
How's he doing, by the way?
Is he still... traveling?
So you haven't heard?
Heard what?
Oh, God. Um...
I told you him
that he needed to call you.
He's been in total denial.
He has it.
He was just diagnosed.
Eric is dying of AIDS.
Oh, my God.
There's a test now.
You should get it.
♪ Oh, l'amour
♪ what's a boy in love
supposed to do? ♪
I'm gonna be sick.
I'm gonna be sick.
(Breathing heavily)
Walt, you need to calm down.
Just take a breath.
Don't. Not now.
Walt, I know you're scared.
Believe me, I am, too.
But there's no use completely
freaking out right now.
- We can both go get tested tomorrow.
- Don't tell me not to freak out right now.
Walt, he's just trying to help.
Well, I don't want your help.
AIDS Is a death sentence!
And I'm not supposed to panic,
even though you might have
given it to me?
Don't worry because it's okay.
There's a test I can take
to find out whether or not
I'm gonna die?
- And I should calm down?
- You know what?
I'm in the same boat,
and I just found out
my ex is dying.
So maybe you can be
a little more understanding.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I didn't wanna come here
tonight!
I knew I'd hate it!
This place, these people...
This isn't me!
This isn't who I am.
And now we're talking
about AIDS?!
Walt, calm down.
No, I can't.
I have to get out of here.
I'm sorry.
I have to go.
Walt, stop!
So I take it Scott went home?
Yeah, we didn't make it
through "The Killing Fields"
it was too depressing,
even for me.
(Chuckles) Well, listen...
(Bowl clatters)
I want you to know
that I am very proud of you.
That's weird. For what?
Well, for having
the good judgment
to know not to get involved
with this Scott fellow
romantically.
Really? Why?
I kept my eye on him.
And let's just say
that I think he could be...
Dangerous.
(Scoffs) Dangerous?
Mm-hmm.
Scott?
Yeah, I know he seems like
a nice kid,
but I can just tell.
I've seen it before.
And those kind of guys
are the worst trouble.
All right, in fact,
I don't really even want you
seeing him at all,
even as a friend.
I just... think he's...
A bad influence.
Who do you think you are,
telling me who I can
and can't date?
Date?
- Well, I-I thought you guys were friends?
- No!
I mean, yes, we are,
but it's just like...
On principle.
And if I did decide
to date him,
you couldn't stop me.
Over my dead body!
(Stomping)
(Chuckles)
Officer...
Can't you just let us go,
and we'll pretend
this never happened?
If... if you'd just...
You can't arrest us!
You know, I'm going to Harvard,
and if they find out,
they're going to cut me,
and my life will be over.
Shh. Mouse.
I've never been in trouble,
ever.
I've never even skipped a class,
even on skip day.
They had to hire a sub
to sit in study hall with me,
and I think
she was really annoyed.
Spare me the sob story
and the sexpot dramatics.
I'm sure that's how you
sweet-talked Sergeant Boyce
into letting you on base,
but it won't work on me.
I know all the techniques.
I've got two sisters.
Two sisters.
I've got two brothers.
But I learned nothing
from that,
except that I love football
and college basketball.
Really?
Yeah.
Big East all the way.
You're crazy.
Big Ten or nothing.
Please, I have two words
for you... Patrick Ewing.
And I've got two words
for you...
Steve Alford.
But I'm still filing a report.
Listen, this is all my fault.
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's not.
She was just trying to help me
because I freaked out
about my future,
or lack thereof,
and I joined the army
without thinking it through.
She tried to clean up my mess,
just like she's done
since elementary school,
which is pretty cool of her.
She doesn't deserve
to get arrested.
And this one's a nightmare,
but she probably doesn't deserve
to get arrested, either.
Look...
Technically,
you didn't break in anywhere.
This was Boyce's fault
for being dumb enough
to let you in, so...
(Exhales deeply)
You went to all this trouble
to get out of enlisting?
You know you just had
to write a letter
to the office saying
you changed your mind, right?
Well, if we knew that,
we wouldn't be here now,
would we?
Okay, know when
to shut up, Mouse.
Yeah, skank's right.
Let's go.
Thanks. That was really
cool of you.
We all make mistakes.
Yeah, well...
(Exhales) Okay, thanks again.
Um, I'm gonna...
Wait a minute.
Oh, do you wanna
take our names?
Just yours.
And if you don't think
I'm being too out of line,
your number?
So I can ask you out?
Oh.
Uh, uh, yes, I mean.
Yes, absolutely. (Chuckles)
Sometimes the unexpected
takes the form
of a sweet surprise.
But sometimes not.
(Exhales deeply)
(Telephone clatters)
(Door opens) (Sighs)
Oh, it's you. (Exhales)
That happy to see me, huh?
I thought you were Walt.
(Keys clatter)
Look, I know we had a fight,
but I want you to know,
I'm not moving, okay?
I promise.
(Horns honking in distance)
Hey, Carrie.
What's wrong?
(Voice breaking) It's not you
or us or the fight.
It's Walt.
Bennet's ex-boyfriend
has AIDS,
and so now Bennet
could have it,
which means Walt could have it.
And... we found out
at the club.
And then Walt ran away,
and I can't find him anywhere.
(Crying) And I thought
he might be here,
and I wanted to call the house
to see if he was there,
but if I do,
then my dad will answer,
and... and I'll have to
tell him.
(Sobbing)
And I just... I just...
I really need you right now,
because I don't know
what to do.
And I just... I need you.
I'm here. I'm here for you.
Okay? Okay.
Got that?
Hey, look at me.
(Sighs and sniffles)
All right, come on. I'll drive.
(Keys clatter)
Let's go find Walt, all right?
Okay.
(Door opens)
(Door closes)
(Sniffling)
(Indistinct conversations)
I'm glad you came.
I've missed you.
It's only been a week.
I know, but, well...
(Chuckles)
I don't know about you,
but it's been the longest week
of my life.
So, first things first.
I got my results back yesterday.
They're negative.
I assume
you got good news, too.
Yeah, I did.
(Sighs) That's great.
We're so lucky, Walt.
Lucky?
Yeah.
I went to visit Eric
in the hospital.
It's pretty brutal.
Sorry, Bennet.
Yeah, he's, uh...
(Voice breaks)
He's got pneumonia,
and the virus has invaded
his brain.
He didn't even know
I was there half the time.
And...
Maybe it's better that
he doesn't know what's going on.
They can't help him anymore.
He's just...
- He's waiting to die...
- Stop!
Okay, please? Just stop.
God, that's awful.
I can't hear this.
I'm sorry.
I know you're scared,
but we need to talk about it.
I can't hear it, Bennet.
I'm only 18.
I'm not supposed
to have to start thinking
about dying when my life
has barely started.
You're not dying.
But there's people
in our community
whose lives have also
just started who are.
I'm not part of this community.
Of course you are.
We're all gay men.
And AIDS is a reality
in our community.
Would you please stop
calling it that?
I am not part of any community.
I knew this was
gonna be hard, coming out...
That people would judge me,
even hate me...
But I never thought
about everything
that I'd have to give up.
Like having kids,
getting married.
When I was little,
I used to dream of having
my wedding at the Waldorf.
Which, I know,
I probably should've realized
then that I was gay.
But the point is,
I want that stuff...
The white picket fence,
the family.
That's stuff I can't have
if I'm gay.
So what are you saying?
I don't know. I just...
know I can't do this.
I see.
(Greg Laswell's
"The Killing Moon" playing)
♪ Fate
I love you.
♪ Up against your will
(voice breaks)
But that's not enough.
♪ Through the thick and thin
I'm sorry.
It's scary when we realize
how quickly
our expectations for the future
can slip away.
♪ You give yourself to him
♪ in starlit nights I saw you ♪
Everything okay?
Mm-hmm.
So I did some research
and found out
what a McTwist is.
It's a backside spin
with a mute grab.
It's pretty sick, right?
V-very impressed.
Well, don't be.
I can say it,
but I have no idea
what it means.
(Laughs)
But I do know
I'm excited for you,
and for this opportunity.
Thanks.
I want you to know,
my life is here.
I can launch the business
from New York.
I'm not leaving.
I'm here for you, okay?
Okay.
♪ He will wait until...
So what you doing?
- Well, these are my designs.
- Mm-hmm.
Which one do you like better?
♪
Sometimes what we expect
and what actually happens
can be completely surprising...
in a good way.
Hold on.
I'll meet you in Study Hall.
I just wanna make a phone call.
Pete? Again?
This is crazy.
(Coins clink)
I can't believe you
fell for the guy
who almost arrested us.
Whoever would've thought?
I know.
(Line ringing)
Of course, some things in life
really are predictable.
(Doorbell rings) I'll get it!
Now just where do you think
you're going, young lady?
On a date.
♪
We will talk about this
when you get home, Dorrit!
(Door slams)
(Mouths word)
Whoo!
♪ Your will
(Carrie) It's reassuring
when things turn out
just as we think they will.
I knew they'd love us
as a pair. (Giggles)
(Gasps and exhales)
But more often than not,
the universe pulls
the rug out from under us.
♪ Up against your will
♪ through the thick and thin
Will we be brave?
Or will we run away,
hoping to avoid
the next cruel surprise?
♪ Him
Mom? It's me.
I wanna come home.
♪
So how do we carry on
in a world
where the unexpected
could hit at any time?
We look for someone we love
to hold on to.
♪ Under blue moon
♪ I saw you
♪ soon you will take me