The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 5, Episode 8 - My Brother's Keeper - full transcript

♪ HERE'S THE STORY ♪

♪ OF A LOVELY LADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪

♪ ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪

♪ LIKE THEIR MOTHER ♪

♪ THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS ♪

♪ IT'S THE STORY OF
A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BUSY WITH
THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪

♪ THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪

♪ YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪



♪ AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪

♪ THAT THIS GROUP MUST
SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

HEY, GREG, SURE YOU
WOULDN'T WANNA TRADE JOBS?

HA, HA. YOU STICK WITH
YOUR GREEN THUMB,

AND I'LL DO LIKEWISE
WITH THE GREEN PAINT.

TELEPHONE, GREG.

WHO IS IT?

WELL, I'M NOT SURE.

THE NAME IS JOE, BUT
THE VOICE IS SOPRANO.

OH, IT MUST BE JOANNE.
I'LL TAKE IT UP HERE.



(Peter) HEY, YOU'RE WILTING.

LISTEN, EITHER
YOU STRAIGHTEN UP,

OR I'LL PLAY "SHE LOVES ME, SHE
LOVES ME NOT" WITH YOUR PETALS.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

TO THIS FLOWER. IT
MAKES 'EM GROW BETTER.

DID YOU KNOW A LOT OF
PEOPLE TALK TO FLOWERS?

YEAH, BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS HE GETS ANSWERS.

THAT'S FUNNY.

PETER, LOOK OUT!

THOSE POTS.

(Peter) THEY COULD
HAVE BEEN MY HEAD.

WHO CARES ABOUT THE
DUMB, OLD POTS. LOOK AT ME.

BOBBY,

YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

THANKS.

I OWE YOU MY LIFE.

FORGET IT. NO WAY.

SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, I'M
GONNA PAY YOU BACK FOR THIS.

I PROMISE.

OH.

WHAT HAPPENED?

HEY, WHICH ONE OF YOU
CLOWNS KNOCKED OVER MY PAINT?

OH, NO.

ARE... ARE YOU HURT?

NO. JUST GREEN.

DAD, THAT LADDER WAS
HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MY HEAD,

AND BOBBY PUSHED
ME OUT OF THE WAY

AT THE RISK OF HIS OWN LIFE.

[sighing]

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT, NEVER.

YEAH.

WELL,

WELCOME TO OUR PLANET.

WELL, IT'S WATER BASE. I
BETTER HOSE YOU DOWN.

I'M REALLY SHOOK FROM
THAT BRUSH WITH DEATH.

BOBBY'S A REAL HERO.

(Mike) PETER, WOULD YOU
GO UP TO YOUR ROOM?

OK. I'LL FILL UP A
BATHTUB, MR. BRADY.

WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND
ME UP WHATEVER'S LEFT?

BETTER HURRY, DAD.

IT FEELS LIKE I'M
BEGINNING TO HARDEN.

OK.

(Marcia) OH, NO. OH MY.

SHUT YOUR EYES AND YOUR MOUTH.

LOOKS LIKE GREG PAINTED
BOBBY INSTEAD OF THE SHUTTERS.

(Carol) WHAT IN THE WORLD?

OH. OH.

HEY, IT'S THE JOLLY
GREEN MIDGET.

HE LOOKS LIKE A LEPRECHAUN
WITH A SKIN CONDITION.

VERY FUNNY.

MIKE, WHAT HAPPENED?

THE LADDER FELL OVER WITH A PAINT
BUCKET ON IT, AND GUESS WHO WAS UNDER IT?

HURRY UP, DAD. I'M FREEZING.

OH, MIKE, I BETTER GET
HIM INTO A HOT BATH.

IF BEING A HERO
MEANS EXTRA BATHS,

FORGET IT.

WELL, PETER,

GLAD TO SEE YOU
DOING YOUR HOMEWORK.

THIS ISN'T MY HOMEWORK.

I'M MAKING OUT MY WILL.

YOUR WILL?

I'M LEAVING ALL MY EARTHLY
POSSESSIONS TO BOBBY FOR SAVING MY LIFE.

WELL, THAT'S VERY
SWEET OF YOU, PETER.

IF IT WASN'T FOR BOBBY'S BRAVERY,
I WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU.

THIS WILL IS THE LEAST I CAN DO.

BY THE WAY, WHERE
IS YOUR BENEFICIARY?

OH, HE'S STILL IN THE TUB.

THANKS.

HI.

I GUESS I LOOKED
PRETTY WEIRD, DIDN'T I?

OH, NO, NOT FOR A CREATURE
FROM THE GREEN LAGOON.

HEY, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN
IN THERE LONG ENOUGH.

DINNER'S JUST ABOUT
READY, AND ALICE HAS

FIXED SOMETHING REALLY
SPECIAL FOR OUR HERO.

OK? [giggling] OK.

I STILL SAY THAT THE
FLOWERED WALLPAPER

IS THE PRETTIEST FOR OUR ROOM.

CINDY, WHEN IT COMES TO INTERIOR
DECORATING, YOU'D MAKE A GOOD LUMBERJACK.

I LIKE THE STRIPES.

(Marcia) YOU MAKE
IT 2 LUMBERJACKS.

YOU KNOW, I READ A BOOK
ON COLOR PSYCHOLOGY,

AND THEY SAID THAT EARTH
COLORS ARE REALLY RESTFUL.

(Greg) SURE, IF
YOU'RE BEING BURIED.

MARCIA, WE CAN'T HAVE A LOT OF
BROWNS AND BLACKS IN OUR ROOM.

WELL, I THINK THAT DARK
FLOWERS ARE RIDICULOUS.

YEAH! AND THOSE STRIPES...

[clinking] HOLD IT, GIRLS.

LOOK, I HAVE AGREED TO
REPAPER YOUR BEDROOM

BUT ONLY IN ONE
PATTERN NOW, ALL RIGHT?

YES, AND YOU'D BETTER
AGREE ON ONE PRETTY FAST,

OR WE'RE GONNA FORGET ABOUT IT.

THEY WASTE ALL THEIR PRECIOUS TIME
ARGUING ABOUT INSIGNIFICANT THINGS.

WALLPAPER'S SO UNMEANINGFUL
IN THE SCHEME OF THINGS.

WHAT SCHEME OF THINGS
WERE YOU REFERRING TO, PETER?

LIFE.

HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED TO
CONSIDER THE VALUE OF ONE'S LIFE?

TO ONE'S EXISTENCE?

YEAH. WITHOUT LIFE, YOU'RE DEAD.

[laughing]

[all laughing]

SURE. GO AHEAD AND LAUGH.

YOU GUYS HAVEN'T
BEEN AT DEATH'S DOOR.

[laughing] YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
MADE IT TO THE FRONT PORCH.

PETER, AREN'T YOU TAKING THAT NEAR
MISS THIS MORNING JUST A LITTLE SERIOUSLY?

OH, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER,

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO
BE SNATCHED FROM THE JAWS OF DOOM

AND BE GIVEN A
NEW CHANCE AT LIFE.

SORRY I'M LATE.

I TOOK SUCH A LONG BATH,
I'M LIKE A WRINKLED PRUNE.

HAVE A SEAT, PAL.

THANKS, PETER.

THE ALL-AMERICAN DISH
FOR THE ALL-AMERICAN HERO.

[all cheering]
HUNGARIAN GOULASH.

SINCE WHEN IS HUNGARIAN
GOULASH AMERICAN?

SINCE ZSA ZSA GABOR
BECAME A CITIZEN.

I'D HAVE WHIPPED
UP A MEDAL, TOO,

BUT ALL THE GOLD
WENT TO BUY THE MEAT.

[clinking]

I... I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE A TOAST

TO THE BRAVEST
PERSON IN THE WORLD.

I'LL TOAST TO HIM. WHO IS HE?

MY BROTHER, BOBBY.

[cheering] HEAR, HEAR.

THAT'S VERY SWEET, PETER.

WELL, PETER, IT'S NICE TO KNOW
YOU THINK I'M SO BRAVE. BUT HONEST...

WELL, LET ME... LET ME FINISH.

I WANT TO MAKE A SOLEMN PROMISE,

AND YOU'RE ALL MY WITNESSES,

THAT I'M GONNA BE
WORTHY OF THE LIFE

BOBBY HAS GIVEN BACK TO ME.

(Greg) HEAR, HEAR FOR BOBBY.

AND ALSO, THAT I, PETER BRADY,

AM GONNA BE BOBBY
BRADY'S SLAVE FOR LIFE.

WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU
HAVE TO GO THAT FAR.

ME NEITHER, BUT IF
THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS...

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

POLISHING YOUR SHOES,
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

AND I'M GONNA DO IT
EVERY DAY FOR YOU.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

I OWE YOU. GO DO
SOMETHING YOU ENJOY.

THANKS, PETER. THAT'S
REALLY NICE OF YOU.

IT'S NOTHING.

IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, INSTEAD
OF POLISHING THESE SHOES,

I'D BE POLISHING MY HARP
AT THE PEARLY GATES.

[whistling]

OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT, PAL.

IT'S OK.

NO, IT'S REALLY INCONSIDERATE OF ME
TO WHISTLE WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO READ.

I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO READ ANYWAY.

HOW'S THAT?

YOU MISSED A SPOT RIGHT THERE.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. I'LL GET IT.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

[radio hissing]

DARN THIS RADIO.
ALL I GET IS STATIC.

LEAVE IT TO ME. I'LL FIX IT RIGHT
AFTER I FINISH THESE SHOES.

[knock on door] I'LL GET IT.

BARBARA WANTS YOU ON THE PHONE.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT?

SHE SAYS HER PARTY
STARTED A HALF AN HOUR AGO,

AND WHERE ARE YOU?

OH, WELL, TELL
HER I CAN'T MAKE IT.

SOMETHING MUCH MORE
IMPORTANT CAME UP.

OK, BUT SHE'LL BE MAD.

PETER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
CANCEL A PARTY JUST FOR ME.

BOBBY, HOW CAN I
ENJOY A DUMB, OLD PARTY

KNOWING THAT THE
PERSON WHO SAVED MY LIFE

IS SITTING HOME WITH
A BAD CASE OF STATIC?

MOM TELLS ME YOU FINALLY
CHOSE YOUR WALLPAPER.

YEAH, DAD, HERE IT IS.

IT WAS UNANIMOUS.

HEY, THAT'S TERRIFIC. HOW
DID YOU ALL MANAGE TO AGREE?

(Cindy) WE DIDN'T.

YOU JUST SAID IT WAS UNANIMOUS.

WELL, IT WAS UNANIMOUS
THAT WE FLIP A COIN FOR IT.

OH, I SEE. WELL, THAT'S
A DEMOCRATIC WAY.

WELL, TOMORROW I'LL ROUND UP
THE BOYS, AND WE'LL GET STARTED.

GREAT. YOU WON'T GET
PETER TO HELP, THOUGH.

HE'S TOO BUSY
BEING BOBBY'S SLAVE.

YEAH, BOBBY SAVED PETER'S LIFE,

AND NOW PETER IS
WORKING HIMSELF TO DEATH.

THAT'S REALLY GREAT.
CAN I RIDE IT SOMETIME?

SOMETIME? ALL THE TIME.

I'M MAKING IT FOR YOU, PAL.

ME? HOW COME?

HE SAVES MY LIFE
AND ASKS, "HOW COME?"

THAT'S REALLY
GREAT OF YOU, PETE,

BUT HONEST, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

BUT I DO.

NO, YOU DON'T.

BOBBY, I DO.

WELL, IF YOU INSIST.

[phone ringing]

BOBBY, HONEY, COULD YOU
GET THAT FOR ME, PLEASE?

YEAH.

HELLO?

OH, HI, STEVE.

NO, I CAN'T MAKE IT
TO THE BALL GAME.

WELL, SURE I'M
LOYAL TO THE TEAM,

BUT I GOT SOME WORK TO DO
AROUND THE HOUSE, YOU KNOW.

[door opening] WELL...

HEY, HOLD ON A MINUTE, STEVE.

SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR THUMB?

YEAH, I WAS WORKING
ON YOUR GO-CART,

AND I SMASHED IT
WITH THE HAMMER.

WELL, I GUESS THAT RULES
OUT THE FAVOR I WAS GONNA ASK.

WHAT FAVOR?

I... I JUST COULDN'T ASK A
GUY WITH A SORE THUMB,

EVEN IF I DID SAVE HIS LIFE.

GO AHEAD, ASK ME.

NO, IT JUST WOULDN'T BE RIGHT

AFTER YOU'VE POLISHED
MY SHOES, MADE MY BED,

CLEANED UP MY
CLOSET, FIXED MY RADIO,

OILED MY BIKE, TOOK OUT THE TRASH
FOR ME, AND ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS.

WILL YOU ASK ME?

WELL, STEVE WANTS ME TO WATCH
HIM PITCH AGAINST THE WOODEN WOLVES,

BUT IT'S MY TURN TO
CLIP THE STUPID HEDGES.

AND IF YOU COULD...

NO, IT JUST WOULDN'T BE FAIR
FOR YOU TO BE CLIPPING THE HEDGES

WHILE I'M SITTING AT A BALL GAME

EATING HOT DOGS AND SNOW CONES.

I'D CLIP THE STUPID
HEDGES FOR YOU,

BUT I GOT A DATE WITH BARBARA,

WHOSE PARTY I MISSED
BECAUSE OF YOU.

OH, WELL, IT'S OK,
PETE. I UNDERSTAND.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
CLIP THE STUPID HEDGES

JUST BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR LIFE.

OK, I'LL CANCEL BARBARA AGAIN,

AND I'LL CLIP THE STUPID HEDGES.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO IF
YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO.

I WANT TO! I WANT TO!

AS SOON AS I TAKE
CARE OF MY THUMB.

PETER, LET ME SEE THAT.

OH, HONEY, YOU BETTER
GO SOAK THAT IN COLD WATER

TILL THE SWELLING
GOES DOWN, OK? OK.

I GOT IT ALL WORKED OUT.

MEET YOU AT THE PARK. BYE.

SEE YOU LATER, MOM.

BOBBY.

YOU HAVE REALLY BEEN
RUNNING PETER RAGGED.

NOW DON'T YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
BE OVERDOING A GOOD THING?

OH, NO, MOM. PETER'S
ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I WAS CLIPPING
THE STUPID HEDGES,

AND I FELL IN THAT ROSE BUSH.

I THOUGHT IT WAS BOBBY'S
TURN TO CLIP THE STUPID HEDGES.

IT WAS, BUT I VOLUNTEERED.

YOU VOLUNTEERED,
OR YOU WERE DRAFTED?

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

LOOK, I'VE SEEN WHAT'S GOING ON.

BOBBY IS MAKING A
PIGEON OUT OF YOU.

I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

OK,

BUT IT'S YOUR WINGS
THAT ARE GETTING CLIPPED.

HEY, PETE.

STEVE CLOBBERED 'EM.

HE PITCHED A 2-HITTER
AND WON 14 TO 13.

HOW'D THEY GET 13
RUNS IN A 2-HITTER?

STEVE GAVE UP A FEW WALKS.

THE UMPIRE WAS MR. ELLISON.

SO?

HE'S THE CIRCULATION
MANAGER FOR A MAGAZINE.

THEY'RE HAVING A BIG CONTEST.

THE GUY WHO SELLS THE MOST
SUBSCRIPTIONS WINS A SURFBOARD.

SO?

SO IF THERE'S ONE THING I'D
REALLY LIKE, IT'S A SURFBOARD.

LOTS OF LUCK.

I DON'T STAND A CHANCE
OF WINNING IT ALONE.

IF THAT'S A HINT, I GOT MORE
IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO

THAN SELL MAGAZINE
SUBSCRIPTIONS.

YOU GOT TIME TO LAY AROUND
IN YOUR BED DOIN' NOTHIN'.

DOIN' NOTHIN'?

I'M WIPED OUT FROM DOING ALL
THE WORK AROUND HERE FOR YOU.

BESIDES THAT, BARBARA'S NOT
EVEN SPEAKING TO ME ANYMORE.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

"I, PETER BRADY, AM
YOUR SLAVE FOR LIFE."

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

OK, I'LL HELP YOU SELL
MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS.

NO, NOT IF YOU'RE GOING
TO BE MAD ABOUT IT.

I'M NOT MAD!

YOU'RE MAD, AND I'M NOT
GONNA ACCEPT ANY MORE FAVORS

UNLESS YOU CAN DO THEM
WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

I'M SMILING! SEE?

THAT'S NOT A "SMILE" SMILE.

FORGET I SAVED YOUR LIFE.

YOU WANNA KNOW THE TRUTH?
I'M SORRY YOU SAVED MY LIFE!

LIVING WITH A SELFISH
CREEP LIKE YOU ISN'T LIVING!

WELL, TALK ABOUT UNGRATEFUL.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU
FEEL, JUST STAY AWAY

FROM FALLING LADDERS
WHEN I'M AROUND

'CAUSE I'M NOT
GOING TO BE AROUND.

GREAT! 'CAUSE I GOT NOTHING MORE
TO SAY TO YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

WELL, THEN I GOT NOTHING MORE TO
SAY TO YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

FINE, AND YOU KNOW
SOMETHING ELSE?

I'M WRITING YOU OUT OF MY WILL.

WHAT KIND OF CEREAL IS THIS?

WELL, IT'S SOMETHING
NEW WE'RE TRYING.

INSTEAD OF POPPING,
CRACKING, AND EXPLODING,

IT JUST LAYS THERE
AND TASTES GOOD.

BOY, I'M STARVED THIS MORNING.

2 GLASSES OF COW JUICE,

2 BOWLS OF CEREAL,
COMING RIGHT UP.

SKIP ME, ALICE.

I'M PARTICULAR WHO I EAT WITH.

AND I JUST LOST MY APPETITE.

HI, MOM. HI, PETER.

I BRING YOU THE LATEST
WAR BULLETIN, MRS. BRADY.

ALL'S QUIET ON THE
WESTERN FRONTS.

OH, DID PETER AND BOBBY MAKE UP?

NO, ALL'S QUIET BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER.

OH, WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, ALICE.

IF THOSE BOYS DON'T
MAKE UP PRETTY SOON,

WE'RE GONNA START A
COUNTERATTACK ON THEIR REAR FLANK.

LISTEN, Y-YOU GUYS, JUST PLASTER
THE HOLES, NOT THE SPOTS, OK?

[laughing]

BOY, THIS IS HARD WORK.

(Greg) WE JUST GOT STARTED.

IT'S A GOOD TIME TO
REMEMBER TO DO HOMEWORK.

HEY, NO GOOFING OFF.

OK, BUT I JUST WANNA
ASK DAD ONE QUESTION.

YEAH, WHAT'S THAT? HOW LONG
BEFORE WE TAKE A COFFEE BREAK?

[kids laughing]

NEVER MIND, JUST PLASTER.

HEY, GREG? YEAH?

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

SURE.

HERE, WANT SOME
MORE, MARCIA? YEAH.

IT'S GETTING KIND OF DRY.

I JUST WANTED TO ASK
YOU... SORRY, BOBBY.

YOU CAN'T MOVE INTO
MY ROOM WITH ME.

HOW'D YOU KNOW I
WAS GONNA ASK THAT?

[chuckling] 'CAUSE PETER ASKED ME
THE SAME QUESTION BEFORE YOU DID.

I'D BE A LOT BETTER ROOMMATE
THAN THAT UNGRATEFUL CREEP.

BOBBY, PETER'S VERY
GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU DID.

LET'S FACE IT, YOU USED HIM.

WELL, I SAVED
HIS LIFE, DIDN'T I?

LOOK, I'M NOT GONNA
ARGUE ABOUT IT.

YOU 2 ARE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER.

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT
MOVING IN WITH ME,

SO YOU BETTER WORK OUT
A PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE.

BOY, NOBODY IN THIS HOUSE
HAS ANY RESPECT FOR HEROES.

YOU'RE JUST DOING
THAT TO BUG ME.

I'M DOING IT BECAUSE I
HAPPEN TO LIKE NUTS.

IF IT BUGS YOU, LEAVE THE ROOM.

IT'S AS MUCH MY
ROOM AS IT IS YOURS.

HEY, THEN YOU DO
YOUR THING OVER THERE,

AND I'LL DO MY THING OVER HERE.

AND JUST SO THERE WON'T
BE ANY MISUNDERSTANDING...

THIS IS YOUR PART OF THE ROOM,

THIS IS MY PART OF THE ROOM.

THIS IS NO MAN'S LAND.

♪ [music playing]

GREAT, I LOVE MUSIC!

[T.V. playing]

HEY, PLUG THAT BACK
IN! IT'S MY T.V. SET!

IT'S MY OUTLET. AND YOU
WANNA KNOW SOMETHING ELSE?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU
THROUGH NO MAN'S LAND.

WELL, YOU'D BETTER
LISTEN A LOT HARDER

'CAUSE THIS WILL REALLY
INTEREST YOU. WHAT?

THE BATHROOM'S ON MY
SIDE OF NO MAN'S LAND.

[toilet flushing]

AND YOU SMOOTH IT OUT.

AND THERE IT IS. HOW
DO YOU LIKE IT, GIRLS?

[all exclaiming]

VERY NICE, MR. BRADY.

VERY, VERY NICE.

ALICE!

[laughing]

OH.

(all) ALICE.

WANNA PLAY A GAME
OR SOMETHING, ALICE?

OH, GEE, I'M SORRY,
BOBBY. NOT TONIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO GO TO BED EARLY. I
DIDN'T SLEEP VERY WELL LAST NIGHT.

WHY NOT?

WELL, I STAYED UP HALF THE NIGHT
WATCHING ONE OF THOSE T.V. HORROR MOVIES.

THE DEMON THAT DEVOURED DETROIT.

GAVE BOTH OF US HEARTBURN.

WANT TO WATCH SOME
T.V. WITH ME, GREG?

SORRY, I GOT A DATE.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

[sighing]

HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?

WE'RE GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT
AT MY FRIEND HELEN'S HOUSE.

HOW COME?

(Jan) THAT WALLPAPER PASTE
MADE OUR ROOM SMELL TOO YICKY.

HAVE FUN.

YEAH.

WHOOPEE.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

DON'T STAY UP PAST YOUR BEDTIME.

GOOD NIGHT.

I MIGHT AS WELL GO
TO SLEEP RIGHT NOW.

THERE'S NOBODY AROUND
HERE TO DO ANYTHING WITH.

OH, NOW, BOBBY, PETER'S HOME.

THAT'S THE SAME
THING AS BEING ALONE.

BOB, LOOK, THIS HAS
GONE FAR ENOUGH.

NOW, I WANT YOU TO GO UPSTAIRS

AND MAKE UP WITH
PETER RIGHT NOW.

HE'S THE ONE THAT
SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO ME.

WRONG. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOOK
THE ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.

RIGHT. NOW WHY DON'T
YOU GO ON UPSTAIRS

AND TELL PETER YOU'RE SORRY, OK?

OK.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART.

GOOD NIGHT.

PETE?

I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M SORRY.

I BET YOU ARE.

I AM.

I APOLOGIZE FOR
SAVING YOUR LIFE.

YOU APOLOGIZE
FOR SAVING MY LIFE?

YEAH. SEE, IF I HADN'T HAVE,

THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
DONE ME ALL THOSE FAVORS

AND PROMISED TO
BE MY SLAVE FOR LIFE.

AND YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE QUIT IN ONLY A WEEK,

AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN MAD.

SO I'M SORRY FOR
SAVING YOUR LIFE.

BOY, THAT'S THE CRUMMIEST
APOLOGY I'VE EVERY HEARD.

IT WASN'T CRUMMY. I
WAS BEING SINCERE.

SINCERELY CRUMMY.

WELL, IN THAT CASE, I
TAKE BACK MY APOLOGY.

GOOD.

CREEP!

[crashing]

OK, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.

YOU CAN STAY IN THERE
ALL NIGHT FOR ALL I CARE.

PETER, THE DOORKNOB'S BUSTED!

LET ME OUT!

I'LL APOLOGIZE AGAIN!

BETTER!

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, FRED.

I GOT ALL NIGHT TO
SHOOT THE BREEZE.

PETE!

PETER, YOU GOTTA LET ME OUT!

PETER!

YEAH, ERNIE, I'D
LOVE TO MEET HER.

UH-HUH.

[chuckling] OH, YEAH.

OH.

PETE!

SOMEBODY!

ANYBODY! LET ME OUT!

(Bobby) PETE, LET ME OUT!

PETER, COME ON!

LET ME OUT! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

THANKS, PETE!

ALL I DID WAS OPEN THE DOOR.

YEAH, AND SAVED MY LIFE.

STOP OVERACTING.

I'M NOT.

A COUPLE MINUTES MORE IN THERE
AND I COULD'VE SUFFOCATED. SEE?

[gasping]

THERE'S PLENTY OF AIR IN THERE.

MAYBE, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FIRE?

WHAT FIRE?

THE ONE THAT COULD HAVE STARTED
FROM SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION.

WE STUDIED THAT IN SCHOOL.

WHAT A DUMB IMAGINATION.

THINGS LIKE THAT
HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

THE CLOSET'S FILLED WITH SMOKE.

THERE I AM, CHOKING TO DEATH.

CAN'T EVEN SCREAM FOR HELP.

[coughing]

FLAMES ARE LICKING
AT THE CLOSET DOOR.

I'M TRAPPED INSIDE.

AND SUDDENLY, YOU
BUST IN AND SAVE ME.

YOU'RE A REAL HERO, PETE.

[chuckling] AW, COME ON.

NO, REALLY. YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

IF YOU INSIST. I INSIST.

OK, WELL, NOW YOU'RE MY SLAVE.

YOU CAN START OFF BY
POLISHING MY SHOES...

NOBODY'S ANYBODY'S SLAVE.

WE SAVED EACH
OTHER, NOW WE'RE EVEN.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M REALLY SORRY FOR
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

OK?

OK.

YOU'RE BACK IN MY WILL.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT
BAD, IF I SAY SO MYSELF.

(Marcia) I LOVE IT, DAD.
OH, IT'S REALLY NICE.

MIKE, YOU KNOW, IT IS SO
BEAUTIFUL THAT I WAS THINKING...

OH, NO.

I REMEMBER LAST YEAR
WHEN YOU STARTED THINKING

AFTER WE PAINTED OUR BEDROOM.

YOU WANTED TO PAINT THE BEDROOMS,
YOU WANTED TO PAINT THE HALLS,

YOU WANTED TO PAINT
DOWNSTAIRS, RIGHT?

OH, WELL, HONEY,
IN THIS CASE, I MEAN,

AFTER ALL, THE BATHROOM IS
CONNECTED TO THE BEDROOM

AND THE HALLWAY IS
CONNECTED TO THE BATHROOM

AND THE... AND YOU'RE
FORGETTING ONE THING.

WHAT'S THAT? THIS WHOLE HOUSE
IS CONNECTED TO MY WALLET.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.