The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 5, Episode 5 - Peter and the Wolf - full transcript

♪ HERE'S THE STORY ♪

♪ OF A LOVELY LADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪

♪ ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪

♪ LIKE THEIR MOTHER ♪

♪ THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS ♪

♪ IT'S THE STORY OF
A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BUSY WITH
THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪

♪ THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪

♪ YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪



♪ AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪

♪ THAT THIS GROUP MUST
SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

I MEAN, EVERY GUY IN SCHOOL HAS
TRIED TO TAKE OUT SANDRA MARTIN.

SO HOW'D YOU SWING IT?

SIMPLE. I'M CHARMING
AND IRRESISTIBLE.

WELL, I HEARD A RUMOR SHE
ONLY TAKES OUT COLLEGE GUYS.

WHO DO YOU THINK
STARTED THE RUMOR?

IT ELIMINATES COMPETITION.

OOH, SHREWD! THAT'S
AWFULLY SHREWD, GREG.



(Sandra) OH, GREG?

(Greg) HI, SANDRA.

HEY, UH, COULD I TALK
TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?

SURE, SANDRA. HEY, WAIT
UP, HUH, LEN? OH, SURE.

I DON'T WANT TO SAY THIS,

BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO BREAK
OUR DATE FOR SATURDAY NIGHT.

OH, NO. HOW COME?

MY COUSIN LINDA.

RIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE, SHE'S
COMING INTO TOWN TO VISIT US.

I CAN'T LEAVE HER SITTING ALONE.

I'M SORRY. I REALLY AM.

HEY, WAIT. HOW OLD
IS YOUR COUSIN LINDA?

18. WHY?

SUPPOSE I CAME UP WITH A DATE
FOR HER AND WE MAKE IT A FOURSOME?

THAT'D BE GREAT.

CAN YOU FIND SOMEONE ON
SUCH SHORT NOTICE? SIMPLE.

AND IF YOUR COUSIN
LOOKS ANYTHING LIKE YOU,

I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT 'EM OFF
WITH A WHIP AND A CHAIR.

BY THE WAY, WHAT DOES
YOUR COUSIN LINDA LOOK LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW. I HAVEN'T
SEEN HER IN 6 YEARS.

SHE HAD PIGTAILS
AND BRACES THEN.

PIGTAILS AND BRACES.

WELL, A LOT CAN
HAPPEN IN 6 YEARS. RIGHT.

OH, I HAVE TO RUN OR I'LL
BE LATE FOR CLASS. BYE.

BYE, SANDRA.

LEN, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY.

FORGET IT. I HEARD.

PIGTAILS AND BRACES? NO WAY.

HEY, WAIT. THAT
WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

BY NOW, I'LL BET SHE
LOOKS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S
WORTH WITH INFLATION AND ALL.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH
TO GET THIS DATE WITH SANDRA?

WHAT KIND OF A FRIEND ARE YOU?

NOW, GREG,
FRIENDSHIP'S ONE THING,

BUT HUMAN SACRIFICE
IS SOMETHIN' ELSE.

BUT I'LL BLOW THE DATE WITH SANDRA IF
I DON'T GET SOMEBODY FOR HER COUSIN.

WELL, YOU WIN SOME
AND YOU LOSE SOME.

SEE YA.

I'LL BET I CAN GET 50 GUYS
THAT'LL JUMP AT THE CHANCE!

AT LEAST 20.

I'LL SETTLE FOR 1.

HELLO, FRED?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FRIDAY NIGHT?

HOW ABOUT GOING
OUT ON A DOUBLE DATE?

WELL, SO WHAT IF SHE IS A BLIND
DATE, FRED? SHE'S SANDRA'S COUSIN.

ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF
HEREDITY, SHE COULD LOOK LIKE...

FRANKENSTEIN
DIDN'T HAVE A COUSIN.

LAST CHANCE, FRED. YES OR NO?

OK, I'M GONNA GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.

FRED?

HEY, FRED?

(Mike) HI, HONEY. HI, HONEY.

HI, SWEETHEART.

LISTEN, I TRIED TO PHONE
YOU BEFORE I LEFT THE OFFICE.

WHO'S BEEN ON THE PHONE?

THE SAME PERSON
WHO'S STILL ON THE PHONE.

WHAT'S THE CRISIS?

GREG'S TRYING TO GET A BLIND
DATE FOR HIS DATE'S COUSIN.

I WAS PHONING TO SEE ABOUT
GETTING A DATE WITH YOU.

HOW'S YOUR SATURDAY
NIGHT CALENDAR?

OH, WELL, I WAS PLANNING TO SPEND A
QUIET EVENING AT HOME WITH MY HUSBAND.

OH, WELL, THAT SOUNDS DULL.

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
MORE ROMANTIC?

CANDLELIGHT DINNER?
QUIET RESTAURANT?

ARE YOU GETTING
FRESH WITH ME, FELLA?

GEE, IF I'M NOT, I'M
DOING IT ALL WRONG.

YOU JUST GOT
YOURSELF A DATE. GOOD.

NOW ALL WE HAVE TO
DO IS BRUSH UP ON THIS.

10 EASY STEPS TO
SPANISH? MMM-HMM.

ISN'T THE MENU IN ENGLISH?

NO. WE ARE ENTERTAINING MR. CALDERON
AND HIS WIFE FROM MEXICO CITY.

HE'S UP HERE ON A BUILDING
DEAL WITH THE COMPANY.

OH, I GET IT. NOW IT'S A
BUSINESS MEETING WITH TACOS.

NO, HONEY, LISTEN, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THEY'RE A WONDERFUL COUPLE.
DON'T THEY SPEAK ENGLISH?

WELL, HE DOES, BUT I'M
NOT SURE ABOUT HIS WIFE,

SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA

TO BRUSH UP ON OUR SPANISH,
MAKE HER FEEL MORE AT HOME.

OH, HONEY, I HAVEN'T SPOKEN
SPANISH SINCE COLLEGE.

WELL, NEITHER HAVE I.

SHALL WE, UH, HABLA
ESPANOL TOGETHER?

I'LL HABLA WITH
YOU ANYTIME, SENOR.

"SWITCH DATES WITH YOU IF
LINDA TURNS OUT TO BE A DOG"?

THANKS FOR NOTHIN', TOM.

NO LUCK, HUH?

YOU'D THINK I COULD FIND ONE GUY
WILLING TO GO OUT ON A BLIND DATE.

WELL, THERE GOES
MY DATE WITH SANDRA.

I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO, GREG.

NOT UNLESS YOU KNOW A GUY
YOU COULD LEND ME FOR A NIGHT.

I WISH I DID. WISH I DID, TOO.

I WOULD LEND YOU ONE
OF MY BOYFRIENDS, GREG.

EXCEPT NONE OF MINE
CAN STAY OUT AFTER DARK.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING.

THEN YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR
EYES CHECKED 'CAUSE THEY'RE THERE.

5 HAIRS. COUNT 'EM. 5.

PROBABLY JUST FUZZ
FROM THE TOWEL.

OH, YEAH? FEEL 'EM.

OUCH.

WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE
WARNED ME. THEY'RE SO SHARP.

OH.

HEY, GREG. GOT A SECOND?

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.

WELL, SEE, I'M GETTING THIS
TREMENDOUS BEARD, AND... YOU ARE?

WELL, I WAS WONDERING IF I
COULD USE YOUR RAZOR TO SHAVE.

PETE, YOU'RE TOO
YOUNG TO BE SHAVING.

OH, YEAH? WELL, I'M OLD ENOUGH
TO BE DOIN' A LOT OF THINGS NOW.

PETE? (Peter) YEAH?

UH, YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN IDEA.

SO MAYBE, JUST
MAYBE. MAYBE WHAT?

SAY, "HELLO, LINDA."

HELLO, LINDA.

NO. SAY IT LOWER.

HELLO, LINDA.

QUIT CLOWNIN' AROUND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

[bass voice] HELLO, LINDA.

PETE, I'M ABOUT TO DO YOU THE BIGGEST
FAVOR ONE BROTHER COULD DO FOR ANOTHER.

WHAT KIND OF FAVOR?

TAKE YOU ON A DOUBLE
DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.

A DOUBLE DATE? WITH
A GIRL AND EVERYTHING?

NOT JUST "A GIRL," OLD BUDDY.

I'M GONNA FIX YOU UP
WITH AN OLDER WOMAN.

YEAH? HOW OLD? 18.

BOY, AN OLDER WOMAN!

HEY, WAIT. I DON'T HAVE MUCH
MONEY. DO THEY EAT A LOT?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
FINANCES. I'M SPRINGING.

HEY, GREAT.

HOW COME SHE'LL GO OUT
WITH YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
BE MY YOUNGER BROTHER.

YOU SEE, SHE, UH,
WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH YOU.

SO YOU'RE GONNA BE PHIL.

PHIL PACKER.

SOME SWINGING GUY FROM
ANOTHER HIGH SCHOOL.

THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC.

YEAH.

YOU'LL BE A COOL CAT EVERY
CHICK IN SCHOOL'S AFTER.

I AM? WOW!

A LEGEND IN YOUR OWN TIME.
WHAT A GREAT NEW IMAGE!

YEAH, HOW 'BOUT
THAT? I'M FANTASTIC.

AND I'D BE EVEN BETTER
IF I KNEW WHAT TO DO.

DON'T WORRY. I'M
GONNA COACH YOU.

AND BY FRIDAY NIGHT YOU'LL BE
YEARS AHEAD OF ANY GUY YOUR AGE.

GREG, YOU'RE MORE THAN A
BROTHER. YOU'RE A FRIEND.

IMAGINE, ME, PETER BRADY
GOING OUT WITH AN OLDER WOMAN.

CORRECTION. PHIL
PACKER'S THE NAME.

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

PHIL.

[using deep voice] HI,
LINDA. I'M PHIL PACKER.

BUENAS NOCHES, MIGUEL.

HEY, PRACTICING UP FOR
SATURDAY NIGHT, HUH? SI.

OH, GOOD. UH, MUY BIEN.

YO TENGO GOOD NEWS. OH? QUE?

OUR MUCHACHO HAS
SOLVED HIS PROBLEMA.

OH, FANTASTICO.

WHICH MUCHACHO
AND WHICH PROBLEMA?

GREG, AND, UH, I THINK
HE'S FOUND A DATE

FOR HIS NOVIA'S, UH... PRIMA.

FOUND A DATE FOR HIS
GIRLFRIEND'S COUSIN?

SI.

AND, UH, UH, THE CABALLERO'S
NAME IS FELIPE PACKER.

♪ [humming La Cucaracha]

BUENAS DIAS, SENOR Y SENORITAS.

(kids) BUENAS DIAS.

HOW COME WE'RE ALL
SPEAKING SPANISH?

WE'RE PRACTICING FOR YOUR
FOLKS' GUESTS FROM MEXICO.

AND THIS IS MY FIRST
SWING AT MEXICAN COOKING.

OLE!

THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE, AS THEY
SAY IN THE FRENCH QUARTER OF TIJUANA.

HUEVOS RANCHEROS.

THEY LOOK LIKE EGGS.

HUEVOS ARE EGGS. I'M NOT TOO
SURE WHAT RANCHEROS MEANS.

GO AHEAD AND TRY
IT, ONE BITE AT A TIME.

IT'S HOT!

[coughing] IT'S GOOD.

I GUESS, IN MY CASE, RANCHEROS
MEANS FLAMETHROWER.

NOW, I LIKE IT.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.
OUR BIG DOUBLE DATE.

YEP. HOW ABOUT THAT?

IT'S REALLY GONNA BE TOUGH
CONCENTRATING IN CLASS.

WELL, LISTEN, JUST TRY
AND PUT IT OUT OF YOUR MIND.

I DON'T WANT YOU LEAVING
YOUR GAME IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

BOY, AN OLDER WOMAN.

WHERE ARE WE GONNA TAKE 'EM?

DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
A DRIVE-IN MOVIE!

WHAT'S PLAYIN'?

WHO CARES?

YEAH.

THIS MUSTACHE WAS
A GOOD IDEA, HUH?

YEAH, YEAH, IT MAKES YOU
LOOK A FEW YEARS OLDER.

BUT REMEMBER,
DON'T SAY TOO MUCH.

YOU COULD BE THE
STRONG, SILENT TYPE.

THAT WAY, YOU CAN'T MAKE
TOO MANY MISTAKES. OK.

YOU NEVER DID TELL ME
WHAT LINDA LOOKS LIKE.

[doorbell ringing] LOOKS LIKE?

LISTEN, TO A DUDE
LIKE PHIL PACKER,

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

HE TREATS THEM
ALL ALIKE. GET IT?

GOT IT.

HI, GREG. HI, SANDRA.

I'D LIKE YOU TO
MEET PHIL PACKER.

HI. HI, PHIL.

LINDA!

GREG HAS TOLD ME
A LOT ABOUT YOU.

LINDA'S LOOKING
FORWARD TO MEETING YOU.

HI.

LINDA, I WANT YOU TO MEET
GREG BRADY AND PHIL PACKER.

HI.

HI.

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS PHIL?

ME. HE'S GREG, I'M
PHIL. RIGHT, GREG?

YEAH, RIGHT.

WE'LL GET OUR THINGS,
BE RIGHT BACK, OK?

(Greg) MMM-HMM.

BOY! YOU REALLY
KNOW HOW TO PICK 'EM.

PHEW!

♪ [western music
playing on soundtrack]

LINDA'S THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I EVER SAW.

I HOPE I DON'T GOOF IT
UP. JUST TAKE IT EASY, PETE.

PLAY IT COOL, HUH?
DO JUST WHAT I DO.

DO WHAT YOU DO. GOT IT.

SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.

IT TOOK A LONG TIME.

IT'S KIND OF CROWDED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE.

THANKS. THANK YOU.

ENOUGH BUTTER ON IT? PLENTY.

ENOUGH BUTTER
ON IT? YEAH, IT'S FINE.

OH!

OH, I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THAT. PHIL, PHIL!

I'M SORRY. THAT'S
ALL RIGHT, PHIL.

PHIL, IT... PHIL, IT
DOESN'T MATTER.

THAT'S... IT'S ALL RIGHT.

HERE, YOU CAN HAVE
MINE. THANK YOU.

[sniffing]

WHAT'S THAT WILD
SCENT YOU'RE WEARING?

EXOTICA.

[sniffing]

WHAT'S THAT WILD
SCENT YOU'RE WEARING?

BUTTERED POPCORN.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HAVE SOME. OH, THANKS.

HEY, PHIL, HOW ABOUT SOME OF
THAT POPCORN, OLD BUDDY? WHAT?

[whispering] YOUR MUSTACHE.

UM, WE'RE GONNA GO GET SOME,
UH, COLD DRINKS OR SOMETHING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK. DON'T GO AWAY.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH GREG.

HE SEEMS SO DIFFERENT AT SCHOOL.

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S WITH HIS FRIEND, PHIL.

I'VE NEVER, UH, HAD A
DATE LIKE THIS BEFORE.

GOOD NIGHT, GREG. GOOD NIGHT.

THANKS. IT WAS... FUN.

WELL, I HOPE SO.

IT REALLY WAS. WASN'T IT, LINDA?

OH, YEAH. IT WAS GREAT.

THANKS, PHIL. NO SWEAT.

BYE-BYE. BYE.

WELL, I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL
ON MONDAY. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. THANKS AGAIN.

NICE MEETING YOU, LINDA.

SEE YA. BYE.

[sighing]

HOW'D I DO?

WELL, I'M NOT SURE YET.
WHEN WILL YOU BE SURE?

MONDAY, WHEN I ASK
SANDRA FOR ANOTHER DATE.

WILL YOU FIX ME UP, TOO?

PETE, FROM NOW ON, PHIL
PACKER CAN FIND HIS OWN DATES.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AFTER WHAT I PULLED OFF
TONIGHT, I'M READY TO SOLO.

[sighing] THAT WAS REALLY
A STRANGE EVENING.

DID YOU CATCH THAT
PHONY MUSTACHE ON PHIL?

DID I? IT WAS PRACTICALLY
EVERYWHERE BUT UNDER HIS NOSE.

I'LL BET HE WASN'T 15 OR
16 YEARS OLD AT THE MOST.

I'M SURE HIS NAME
WASN'T PHIL, EITHER.

I COULD SWEAR I HEARD
GREG CALL HIM "PETE" ONCE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT?

I THINK GREG HAS A
BROTHER NAMED PETER.

I'LL BET THAT'S WHO PHIL WAS.

WHY WOULD GREG
PULL A GAG LIKE THAT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

BUT ONE GOOD GAG
DESERVES ANOTHER.

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GET EVEN?

COUSIN, I'M WITH YOU.

[telephone ringing]

HELLO.

WHO'S CALLING?

YEAH, SURE. HANG ON.

HEY, GREG. IT'S HER. SANDRA.

ASK HER HOW I DID WITH LINDA.

NOT UNLESS SHE
BRINGS IT UP FIRST.

HI, SANDRA. HELLO, GREG.

I JUST HAD TO CALL
AND TELL YOU AGAIN

WHAT A WONDERFUL
TIME WE HAD LAST NIGHT.

YOU REALLY DID?

YOU WERE RIGHT. PHIL'S TOO MUCH.

LINDA HASN'T STOPPED
TALKING ABOUT HIM.

LINDA REALLY LIKED PHIL?

SHE REALLY DID.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF THE 4
OF US CAN GET TOGETHER AGAIN.

LIKE TONIGHT?

TONIGHT?

UH, WELL, SANDRA. PHIL
MAY ALREADY HAVE A DATE.

BUT WE COULD GO OUT.

I COULDN'T GO WITHOUT LINDA.

AND I REALLY WANTED
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THAT IS, IF YOU WANNA SEE ME.

HOW ABOUT IN 20 MINUTES?

OH, WHAT IF PHIL'S DATED UP?

I'LL GET HIM TO CANCEL
IT. I'M SURE HE CAN MAKE IT.

OK. BYE.

BYE.

I WISH I COULD TAKE A
PICTURE OF GREG'S FACE

WHEN WE'RE BOTH
FALLING ALL OVER PHIL.

[using deep voice] HI, THERE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VOICE?

NOTHIN', BABY.

YOU GOT A COLD?

NO, JUST DEVASTATING CHARM.

[snapping finger]

[knocking on door]
(Cindy) OPEN UP, PETER!

(Jan) ARE YOU GONNA
STAY IN THERE ALL NIGHT?

[knocking on door]

WHAT TOOK YOU SO
LONG? I WAS SHAVING.

WHAT, YOUR LEGS? FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, I GOT WHISKERS.

YEAH, I GUESS IT TOOK HIM ALL
THAT TIME TO FIND THE ONE HE'S GOT.

VERY FUNNY.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU ALL
DRESSED UP FOR? I'VE GOT A DATE.

WHO'S THE UNLUCKY GIRL?

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU
I WAS TAKING OUT AN OLDER FEMALE?

AN OLDER FEMALE WHAT?

[doorbell ringing]

AH, BUENAS NOCHES
SENOR CALDERON Y SENORA.

BUENAS NOCHES, MR. BRADY.
BUENAS NOCHES, SENOR.

ENTRE, POR FAVOR.
MUCHAS GRACIAS.

BIENVENIDOS.

MI CASA ES SU CASA.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

UH, LE PRESENTO A
MI ESPOSA, CAROL.

MUCHISIMO GUSTO, SENORA.

VERY PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

TENGO MUCHO GUSTO,
SENOR Y SENORA CALDERON.

I AM JUAN. MY WIFE, MARIA.

I'M CAROL, AND THIS IS MIKE.

YOU SPEAK SPANISH VERY WELL.

OH, THANK YOU.

WON'T YOU, UH, PLEASE SIT DOWN?

YES, PLEASE. GRACIAS.

WELL, WE'RE SELDOM
ABLE TO USE OUR SPANISH

AND WE THOUGHT TONIGHT
WAS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY.

IT IS THE SAME WITH
US FOR... FOR ENGLISH.

WE HAD HOPED TO
USE IT THIS EVENING.

OH, WELL, YOU GO RIGHT
AHEAD. THAT'S A DEAL.

[all laughing]

OH, ALICE NELSON. SENOR
AND SENORA CALDERON.

ES UN PLACER.

TANTO GUSTO.

TENGO MUCHO GUSTO.

THAT'S IT FOR ME IN SPANISH.

[chuckling]

WELL, UH, WE MADE
RESERVATIONS FOR THIS EVENING,

BUT, UH, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING SPECIAL YOU'D LIKE,

IT'S NO TROUBLE TO CHANGE IT.

WELL, IF YOU'RE
SURE IT'S NO TROUBLE.

OH, NO TROUBLE AT ALL, HONEST.

IN THAT CASE, WE
WOULD LOVE TO TRY

ONE OF YOUR TYPICAL
AMERICAN DISHES.

WHAT'S THAT?

PIZZA.

[laughing] PIZZA! REALLY?

REALLY! SI.

SO, YOU KNOW, I DON'T
KNOW WHETHER I KNOW

A GOOD PIZZA PLACE OR NOT.

NO, NOT A GOOD ONE. LET ME SEE.

WE DO, DAD.

MARIONI'S IS SUPER.
WE ALWAYS GO THERE.

YEAH! MARIONI'S HAS
THE GREATEST PIZZA.

WELL, KIDS OUGHT TO KNOW PIZZA.

THESE ARE OUR DAUGHTERS:
MARCIA, CINDY, AND JAN,

SENOR AND SENORA CALDERON.

(girls) HELLO. HI. TANTO GUSTO.

WE HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY
YOUR STAY HERE IN TOWN.

MUCHAS GRACIAS. THANK YOU.

NICE MEETING YOU.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.

HAVE A NICE DINNER.
ENJOY YOUR PIZZA.

YOU HAVE THE MOST
CHARMING DAUGHTERS.

JUAN SAYS THAT THE CHILDREN
REFLECT THEIR PARENTS.

THANK YOU. WE WERE REFLECTED
3 MORE TIMES WITH SONS.

[laughing]

THEY'RE... THEY'RE OUT TONIGHT.

WELL, IF IT'S PIZZA YOU WANT,
IT'S PIZZA YOU SHALL HAVE.

[using deep voice] WELL, I CUT TO
MY RIGHT, THEN I CUT TO MY LEFT,

THEN I RAN 100 YARDS
FOR A TOUCHDOWN.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

WHAT A RUN, PHIL.

YEAH, TOO BAD IT ALL
HAPPENED IN A DREAM.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, GREG.

[girls giggling]

OH, THAT'S GREAT. THANK
YOU. ISN'T THIS CHARMING?

SMELLS GOOD.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

1 SUPER-SIZED PIZZA WITH...
HOW YOU SAY? "THE WORKS."

[Carol laughing] MAKE THAT 2.

OH, WHAT'S SPANISH FOR
"HEARTBURN"? OH, MIKE.

[Carol exhaling]

PHIL, YOU ARE FANTASTIC.

I'VE NEVER KISSED A FELLOW
WITH A MUSTACHE BEFORE.

DOES IT TICKLE? YOU WON'T FIND
OUT. PHIL'S WITH ME. REMEMBER?

(Sandra) WAS WITH YOU.

DON'T FIGHT, GIRLS. THERE'S
ENOUGH OF ME TO GO AROUND.

I DON'T GET THIS.

[laughing]

I UNDERSTAND WE'RE HAVING A MEETING
TOMORROW MORNING ON THE PRELIMINARY PLANS.

UH, YES, MIKE. I WISH TO MAKE A
DECISION BEFORE WE LEAVE THIS WEEKEND.

GOOD, GOOD.

[people chattering]

[Senor Calderon tut-tutting]

IS SOMETHING WRONG,
SENOR CALDERON?

EXCUSE ME, BUT IT IS
VERY EMBARRASSING.

WHAT IS? THOSE CHILDREN.

NECKING, AS YOU SAY, IN PUBLIC.

[girls whispering]

[girls giggling]

PETE! I MEAN, PHIL.

OH, NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

ONLY EVERYTHING.

THOSE ARE OUR PARENTS.

BOY, DO WE HAVE A LOT OF
EXPLAINING TO DO TO THEM.

[sighing]

BOY, DO WE HAVE A LOT OF
EXPLAINING TO DO FOR YOU.

I HOPE WE DIDN'T RUIN DAD'S
DEAL WITH MR. CALDERON.

YEAH. OR OUR LIVES AT HOME.

HI.

HI. HI.

HI.

HI.

HOW DID IT GO WITH MR. CALDERON?

WELL, LUCKILY, WE'RE
STILL IN BUSINESS.

OH, THAT'S A RELIEF.

GOOD.

THEY DIDN'T EXACTLY APPROVE
OF YOUR X-RATED BEHAVIOR.

BUT THEY DID ADMIRE THE WAY
YOU AND THE GIRLS TOLD THE TRUTH.

WE'RE REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

BOY, I REALLY LEARNED SOMETHIN'.

1, YOU ACT YOUR AGE.

AND 2, YOU DON'T TRY TO
BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.

(Peter) AND 3...

YES?

YOU FIND OUT IN ADVANCE WHAT
RESTAURANT YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE GOING TO

AND GO SOMEPLACE ELSE.

[clearing throat]

[laughing]

[laughing] OH.

[laughing]

I WONDER WHAT'S
TAKING HER SO LONG?

SHE SAID SHE HAS A
DATE WITH AN OLDER MAN,

SO SHE WANTS TO MAKE
HERSELF LOOK OLDER.

I WONDER HOW SHE'LL DO THAT.

(Jan) DOES THIS MAKE
ME LOOK ANY OLDER?

[Marcia laughing]

(Marcia) COME ON!