The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 5, Episode 18 - Two Petes in a Pod - full transcript
Peter meets a new transfer student named Arthur Owens, who looks remarkably similar to him except that Arthur wears glasses. Peter convinces Arthur to pretend to be him to play a gag on his family. Beyond some differences in tastes and interests, no one could tell that Arthur wasn't Peter. But what Arthur as Peter agrees to is keeping Mr. Phillips' visiting niece Pamela company on Friday night at the house. What Arthur is unaware of is that Peter already has a date on Friday to a costume party with Michelle, a girl in his class who he's been trying to date all year. So when Peter finds out about his date with Pamela, Mike won't let him back out of it. Peter figures that since Arthur agreed to the date with Pamela, he should be the one to keep the date, again pretending to be Peter. Problems arise for Peter when Friday night rolls around as Arthur is delayed and both Pamela and Michelle show up at the house, which means that Peter has to do a juggling act with the two girls in the same house until Arthur shows up, if he shows up.
♪ HERE'S THE STORY ♪
♪ OF A LOVELY LADY ♪
♪ WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪
♪ ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪
♪ LIKE THEIR MOTHER ♪
♪ THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS ♪
♪ IT'S THE STORY OF
A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪
♪ WHO WAS BUSY WITH
THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪
♪ THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪
♪ YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪
♪ AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪
♪ THAT THIS GROUP MUST
SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪
♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
THINK IT REAL... REAL
HARD, PLEASE, FOR ME.
MMM, MAYBE.
IT'S A COSTUME PARTY.
YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN.
EVERYBODY THERE WILL BE THERE
IN COSTUME. I'M GOING AS DRACULA.
[sighs]
WELL, I'LL THINK IT OVER, OK?
COME ON, MICHELLE.
YOU'VE JUST GOTTA SAY YES.
[sighing] WELL, I KIND OF
HAVE A DATE THAT NIGHT.
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE A MUCH BETTER
TIME AT THE COSTUME PARTY WITH ME.
I'M CHARMING, WITTY,
HANDSOME, AND VERY MODEST.
[giggles]
BESIDES, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
DATE YOU PRACTICALLY ALL SEMESTER
AND I'M GETTING A
REJECTION COMPLEX.
WELL, IN THE INTEREST
OF MENTAL HEALTH,
OK.
YOU'LL REALLY GO WITH ME?
I JUST SAID I WOULD.
DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE
THE PRINCIPAL NOTARIZE IT?
YEAH! UH, I... I MEAN NO!
UH, I MEAN WOW!
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT
7 FRIDAY NIGHT, OK?
OK.
BYE, PETER. BYE.
OH, I'M SORRY.
HOLY MACKEREL!
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME!
AND YOU LOOK LIKE
ME WITHOUT GLASSES.
MY NAME'S PETER
BRADY. WHAT'S YOURS?
ARTHUR OWENS.
HOW COME WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE?
I JUST TRANSFERRED TO
THIS SCHOOL YESTERDAY.
[chuckles]
BOY, ARE WE GOING TO DRIVE THE
TEACHERS OUT OF THEIR SKULLS.
YEAH.
HEY, ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
UM, NO, WHY?
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO HAVE A
LITTLE FUN PUTTING SOMEONE ON?
SURE. WHO?
MY FAMILY. IT'LL
BE A REAL BLAST.
DO YOU THINK WE COULD FOOL THEM?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT THINK OF
THE POSSIBILITIES IF WE CAN.
YEAH.
[birds chirping]
OK, BOBBY, CINDY, AND
OLIVER ARE IN THE FAMILY ROOM.
OLIVER'S YOUR COUSIN, RIGHT?
RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHO
EVERYBODY ELSE IS.
NOW GO IN AND SEE
IF YOU CAN FOOL 'EM
AND THEN COME RIGHT BACK OUT.
OK.
HEY, NO COACHING, OLIVER. I
SAW YOU SHAKE YOUR HEAD.
[sighs]
HEY, PETE, WANT
TO PLAY THE WINNER?
UH, NO THANKS.
CHECKERS IS A DRAG.
SINCE WHEN?
YEAH, YOU'RE A CHECKERS FREAK.
OH, WELL, WHAT
I... WHAT I MEAN IS,
I USED TO LIKE CHECKERS.
HEY, PETER, COME HERE. I
WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
WHAT'S THE FAVOR?
A FLAVOR FAVOR.
I NEED YOUR EXPERT
PIE-TASTING ABILITIES.
HOW BIG A HUNK CAN YOU HANDLE?
THE HUNKIEST.
UH, I'D RATHER HAVE CHERRY.
BUT I MADE THIS LEMON
PIE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.
CHERRY MAKES YOU BREAK
OUT IN A RASH, REMEMBER?
IT DOES? OH, IT DOES.
RIGHT, A RASH.
I GUESS YOU FORGOT BECAUSE IT'S
BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU SCRATCHED.
WELL, I'LL LIVE DANGEROUSLY.
I'LL HAVE A PIECE
OF CHERRY ANYWAY.
WELL, IT'S YOUR ITCH.
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME, I'LL
BE IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM
UNWRINKLING A
WRINKLE-PROOF SHIRT.
(Greg) ...JUMP FAR
ENOUGH OUT FROM THAT.
WELL, IF HE HAS A
BOARD I'LL SHOW YOU. OK.
HEY, PETE, DO YOU
WANNA GO WITH US?
HEY, LARRY INVITED
US OVER FOR A SWIM.
I DON'T SWIM.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'RE A GOOD SWIMMER.
I MEAN, I DON'T SWIM WHEN
I DON'T FEEL LIKE SWIMMING.
YOU AND JAN GO ON.
JAN?
DID I SAY JAN?
ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD
THING YOU'RE NOT GOING SWIMMING, PETE.
YOUR BRAIN'S WATERLOGGED TODAY.
(Greg) PETE IS SURE
ACTING STRANGE.
[birds chirping]
PETER.
PETER, YOU PROMISED TO
HELP ME WITH MY ALGEBRA.
WOW. YOU SURE ARE PRETTY.
CUT THE CORNY COMPLIMENTS.
YOU STILL HAVE TO HELP ME.
I'LL HELP YOU ANY TIME.
BOY, YOU SURE HAVE CHANGED.
[phone ringing]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO. OH, HELLO, MR. PHILLIPS.
OH, NO, I'M SORRY,
MIKE ISN'T HOME YET.
YEAH. I SEE. HELLO.
OH, HOLD ON A SECOND,
MR. PHILLIPS, MIKE JUST WALKED IN.
HONEY, IT'S MR. PHILLIPS.
HE HAS A PROBLEM
ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT.
OK.
HELLO, MR. PHILLIPS. YEAH.
OH, YEAH? I SEE.
UH, WELL, PETER'S 15.
OH, I WOULDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE
A PROBLEM AT ALL IF HE'S NOT BUSY.
UH, HANG ON A SECOND.
I'LL ASK HIM RIGHT NOW.
PETER!
PETER!
PETER, DAD'S CALLING YOU.
HUH? OH, YEAH.
YEAH, DAD?
YOU FREE FRIDAY NIGHT?
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT
ENTERTAINING MY BOSS'S NIECE?
SHE'S VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN.
SURE, I GUESS IT'S OK.
GOOD. UH,
MR. PHILLIPS? IT'S ALL SET.
YOUR NIECE HAS A DATE FRIDAY
NIGHT WITH A VERY ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER, JAN.
GOOD.
WILL YOU HELP ME
WITH SOMETHING ELSE?
I'D LOVE TO.
YOU'RE SURE A NEW PETER BRADY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[inaudible]
[birds chirping]
FANTASTIC!
DID ANYONE GET SUSPICIOUS?
I FOOLED THEM
ALL. EVEN YOUR DAD.
THAT'S GREAT.
NEXT TIME, LET'S
TRY IT ON MY FOLKS.
OK.
I'LL SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TOMORROW.
OK.
HEY, HOW ABOUT ME
PLAYING THE WINNER?
BUT YOU JUST SAID
CHECKERS WAS A DRAG.
YEAH, YOU SAID
CHECKERS WAS A DRAG!
I DID? WELL, I JUST
UN-DRAGGED IT.
I WAS WRONG. HE'S
NOT A CHECKERS FREAK,
HE'S A FREAKY FREAK.
(Alice) HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
HI, ALICE. BOY, AM I STARVED.
ONE PIECE OF PIE
BEFORE DINNER IS ENOUGH.
RIGHT. I'LL ONLY HAVE ONE PIECE.
WHICH YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD.
I HAVE?
DON'T GIVE ME THAT
INNOCENT LOOK,
AND DON'T BLAME
ME IF YOU GET A RASH.
A RASH? FROM WHAT?
YOU KNOW FROM WHAT, FROM
THAT PIECE OF CHERRY PIE YOU ATE.
HUH?
OH, THAT! YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULDN'T
HAVE EATEN IT. I'M GETTING ITCHY ALREADY.
DID YOU CHANGE YOUR SHIRT?
NO, WHY?
HMM.
(Jan) HI.
I'LL REALLY APPRECIATE
YOUR HELP, PETER.
WHAT HELP?
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE
ME ON THIS COMPOSITION.
YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING!
NEXT TIME ASK FIRST.
[sighs]
I KNEW IT COULDN'T LAST.
NOT ONLY AM I STUCK WITH
BEING MASTER OF CEREMONIES
AT THAT BANQUET IN
MR. PHILLIPS' HONOR, YEAH?
BUT WE DREW STRAWS AT THE OFFICE
AND I'M IN CHARGE OF BUYING
A GIFT. GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?
OH, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO GIVE HIM.
SOMETHING IN
EXQUISITE TASTE, THAT HE
ABSOLUTELY LOVES, AND
THAT HE CAN REALLY USE.
WHAT'S THAT?
I'LL LEAVE THE DETAILS
TO YOU. YEAH, OH, THANKS.
(Peter) HI.
HI. PETER THAT WAS VERY NICE
OF YOU, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
THAT'S OK.
WHAT WAS NICE OF ME?
OFFERING TO ENTERTAIN
PAMELA FRIDAY NIGHT.
PAMELA?
MR. PHILLIPS' NIECE, WHO'S
VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN.
YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT.
I... I DID?
YES, YOU DID.
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?
PETER, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I-I-IT'S JUST THAT I
ALREADY GOT A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
WELL, THEN, WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY THAT BEFORE?
I... I WASN'T EXACTLY
MYSELF BEFORE.
WELL, PETER, LOOK, IF YOU
SAID YOU'D DO IT, YOU HAVE TO.
YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT
MR. PHILLIPS.
BUT I CAN'T CANCEL OUT MICHELLE,
NOT AFTER 6 MONTHS OF HARD
LABOR TRYING TO GET A DATE.
SWITCH IT.
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.
[phone ringing]
HELLO. HELLO, ARTHUR?
IT'S ME, PETER. PETER BRADY.
OH, HI, PETER. I'M
GLAD YOU CALLED.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING THIS AFTERNOON.
BOY, YOU SURE DID.
THEN YOU KNOW ABOUT
YOUR DATE THIS FRIDAY.
THANKS TO YOU I'VE GOT 2 DATES.
I'M REALLY IN A SPOT.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
I WISH I COULD HELP YOU OUT.
SO DO I.
I'D HAVE TO BE TWINS...
HEY, DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I JUST SAID?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, IN A WAY I AM TWINS AND
ONE OF ME IS NAMED ARTHUR!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU MADE A DATE
WITH PAMELA, RIGHT?
WELL, YOU'RE GOING
TO KEEP THAT DATE
AND I'M GOING TO KEEP MY
OTHER DATE WITH MICHELLE.
[stuttering] I... I
DON'T KNOW, PETER.
YOU GOT ME INTO THIS, YOU
GOTTA GET ME OUT. IT'S ONLY FAIR.
YEAH, I GUESS SO. OK.
SUPER. I'LL HANDLE
ALL THE DETAILS.
WHAT TIME FRIDAY?
I HAVE TO PICK UP
MICHELLE AROUND 7,
SO GET HERE A LITTLE BIT BEFORE.
A-AND WEAR THE SAME AS ME.
A WHITE T-SHIRT
AND BLUE JEANS. OK?
OK.
BOY, I SURE HOPE
NOTHING GOES WRONG.
WILL YOU RELAX? WHAT
COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
BYE. GOODBYE.
PETER BRADY, YOU'RE
SOME KIND OF GENIUS.
OH, FIRST OF ALL,
I SHOULD EXPLAIN
THAT THIS IS NOT AN
ORDINARY BANQUET
HONORING MR. PHILLIPS,
RIGHT? IT'S A ROAST.
YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF SAYING NICE
THINGS ABOUT THE GUEST OF HONOR,
UH, UH, THE SPEAKERS INSULT HIM.
YOU'RE GOING TO
INSULT YOUR OWN BOSS?
YEAH, WELL, HUMOROUSLY.
WELL, LET'S HOPE THE
NEXT DAY YOU DON'T
HUMOROUSLY SHOW UP AT
THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.
OH, NO, ALICE. MR. PHILLIPS
HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
OH, SURE. THAT'S WHY HE
HIRED AN ARCHITECT LIKE DAD.
LISTEN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A
ROAST FOR MY BOSS, NOT FOR ME.
HONEY, COULD WE
HEAR YOUR SPEECH?
AHEM. YES, YES, YES.
LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN... OH, TERRIFIC.
YOU LIKE THE OPENING, DO YOU?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S ONLY FITTING
THAT WE HONOR
MR. PHILLIPS TONIGHT
BECAUSE MR. PHILLIPS HAS COME
A LONG WAY IN THE PAST 25 YEARS.
THE FIRST BUILDING MR. PHILLIPS
EVER DESIGNED WAS SO SHAKY
THAT THE TERMITES HAD TO HOLD
HANDS TO KEEP IT FROM COLLAPSING.
[chuckles]
[laughing]
DON'T YOU GET IT?
S-SURE.
AND, UH, THE WALLS WERE SO THIN,
THAT IF YOU STRIPPED OFF THE
WALLPAPER, YOU'D BE IN THE NEXT ROOM.
GEE, MR. BRADY, YOU'RE AS FUNNY
AS BOB HOPE AND MILTON BERLE.
HE OUGHT TO BE.
THOSE ARE THEIR JOKES.
MAYBE I OUGHT TO GO ON THE ROAD
WITH THIS MATERIAL
AFTER THE BANQUET.
NO, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO GO ON
THE ROAD BEFORE THE BANQUET.
OH, WE'RE ONLY
KIDDING. COME BACK, MIKE.
HI, MARCIA. HOW'S
MY FAVORITE SISTER?
SUSPICIOUS.
I'M ONLY YOUR FAVORITE SISTER
WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING.
WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY WANT?
I'M JUST A LOVING BROTHER
WHO'S WILLING TO PAY
HIS LOVING SISTER'S
WAY TO A MOVIE TONIGHT.
AND I'LL EVEN LET HER BRING JAN,
BOBBY, CINDY, AND OLIVER WITH HER.
NO, THANKS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER
ME SO FAST. THINK IT OVER.
I'VE ALREADY GOT A DATE, PETER
GREG HAS, TOO.
AND BESIDES YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT US BUTTING IN
ON YOUR DATE WITH PAMELA.
[snaps fingers]
[door slides open]
HI, JAN. HOW'S MY
FAVORITE SISTER?
I ALREADY HEARD, SO YOU
CAN STOP SLICING THE BALONEY.
I SUPPOSE YOU'VE
GOT A DATE, TOO? YEAH.
TO TAKE BOBBY, CINDY, AND OLIVER
TO THE MOVIE IF YOU'RE REALLY PAYING.
I'M PAYING! THANKS.
SORRY, PETE.
WE WANT TO STAY HOME
AND WATCH T.V. TONIGHT.
BUT THERE'S A REAL
GOOD MOVIE PLAYING.
WE MIGHT CHANGE OUR MINDS IF THE
MOVIE INCLUDED CERTAIN OTHER THINGS.
YEAH. CERTAIN OTHER THINGS.
I'M WITH THEM.
I... I SAID I WAS
BUYING THE TICKETS.
WELL, WATCHING A MOVIE WITHOUT
POPCORN CAN BE PURE TORTURE.
THE WORST KIND.
OK. I'LL THROW IN THE POPCORN.
WITH BUTTER?
WITH BUTTER.
WELL, YOU GOTTA HAVE
SOMETHING TO WASH IT DOWN WITH.
RIGHT, YOU GUYS? YEAH.
YEAH, YOU JUST CAN'T
LET IT STICK THERE.
OK. YOU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM, TOO.
ICE CREAM? HEY, THANKS FOR
REMINDING ME. I MEANT SODA POP.
HEY, COMPARED TO YOU THREE,
JESSE JAMES WAS A CHOIR BOY.
OK, YOU'VE GOT SANDWICHES,
FRESH FRUIT, WHAT'S LEFT OF THE PIES,
PUDDING, UH, 3 KINDS OF SOFT
DRINKS, OH, AND SOME MIXED NUTS.
DO YOU THINK YOU AND PAMELA
CAN STRUGGLE ALONG ON THAT?
THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH
FOR A LIGHT SNACK. OOH.
[chuckling] THANKS, ALICE.
YOU'RE WELCOME. IF
YOU AND PAMELA NEED ME,
I'LL BE IN MY ROOM
WATCHING THE EARLY SHOW,
THE LATE SHOW AND
WHATEVER COMES IN BETWEEN.
GOOD. UH, I MEAN, I'M SURE
WE WON'T NEED ANYTHING.
OK.
PETER, WE'RE LEAVING.
PETER, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO CHANGE?
MR. PHILLIPS WILL BE
DROPPING PAMELA OFF SOON.
DON'T WORRY, MOM.
I'LL BE READY FOR HER.
WELL, HAVE A NICE TIME, SON.
I KNOW I WILL. I HOPE
PAMELA DOES, TOO.
[chuckling]
WELL, GOOD NIGHT, PETER.
GOOD NIGHT.
THANKS, UNCLE ED.
HI, I'M PAM PHILLIPS.
HI, I'M PETER BRADY. COME ON IN.
IT'S NICE MEETING YOU.
YOU, TOO. THANKS
FOR HAVING ME OVER.
THAT'S OK.
YOU WANT TO LISTEN
TO SOME RECORDS?
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
THE RECORD PLAYER'S
BACK IN THE FAMILY ROOM.
[phone ringing] UH, STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE KITCHEN.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. OK.
HELLO? HI, PETER.
IT'S ME, ARTHUR.
WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
I'M STILL AT HOME. I'M
GONNA BE A LITTLE LATE.
WELL, PAM JUST ARRIVED AND I'M SUPPOSED
TO PICK UP MICHELLE IN A HALF AN HOUR.
LOOK, I CAN'T LEAVE MY KID
SISTER TILL MY FOLKS GET HOME.
WELL, HOW LONG WILL THAT BE?
I'M NOT SURE.
WELL, GET HERE
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
I'LL CALL MICHELLE
AND STALL HER.
[doorbell rings]
[sighs]
HI, PETER! SURPRISE!
MICHELLE!
[knocking on door]
WHAT KIND OF WELCOME
DO YOU CALL THAT?
UH, SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT SURPRISES
HAVE A TENDENCY TO SURPRISE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
MY BROTHER DROPPED
ME OFF TO SAVE YOU A TRIP.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
VERY THOUGHTFUL.
YEAH, VERY.
WHERE'S YOUR COSTUME?
OH, IT'S RIGHT INSIDE.
I'LL GO PUT IT ON.
PETER, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO LET ME IN?
OH, YEAH, COME ON IN.
UH, MY COSTUME'S RIGHT IN HERE.
OH.
I'LL GO PUT IT ON.
YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
YOU CAN WATCH T.V.
WHILE YOU'RE WAITING.
OH, WELL, DON'T BE LONG.
UH, DON'T SIT THERE.
THE VIEW'S MUCH
BETTER FROM OVER HERE.
OK.
OH, THERE'S A GREAT
MOVIE ON T.V., YOU'LL LOVE IT.
UH, BUT DON'T YOU
MOVE OUT OF THAT SEAT.
WHY NOT?
I JUST WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO
MISS ANY OF THE MOVIE, THAT'S ALL.
BE RIGHT BACK. HUH?
♪ [violin playing on T.V.]
HI. SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.
UH, SOMEBODY CAME TO THE DOOR RIGHT
AFTER THE PHONE. YOU KNOW, SALESMEN.
PETER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S TO CLOSE OUT A DRAFT.
I JUST GOT OVER A COLD.
[coughing]
♪ [music playing] HOW'S THAT?
SUPER. LET'S DANCE.
OW!
WHAT'S THE MATTER? MY
KNEE. AN OLD FOOTBALL INJURY.
I BETTER GO TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
WELL, LET ME HELP YOU. NO, NO!
I... I MEAN, I JUST MET YOU,
I COULDN'T LET YOU
LOOK AT MY NAKED KNEE.
♪ [violin playing]
[mimicking Dracula] GOOD EVENING,
I WANT TO BITE YOUR NECK.
THAT'S REALLY NEAT, PETER.
YOU MAKE A FANTASTIC
DRACULA. LET'S GO NOW, HUH?
UH, W-W-WHAT'S THE HURRY?
[mimicking Dracula] LET'S
HAVE A GLASS OF BLOOD.
I-I'LL GET A COLD DRINK.
[sighs]
OH.
PETER, WHAT IN
THE WORLD IS THAT?
I'LL EXPLAIN LATER, ALICE. RIGHT
NOW, I NEED A BOTTLE OF POP.
JUST REMEMBER TO BE BACK
IN YOUR BOX OF DIRT BY DAWN.
PETER?
STAY IN THERE, PAMELA. THIS
KNEE'S A PRETTY MESSY SIGHT.
ARE YOU OK?
I-I'LL PULL THROUGH.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HI, I'M BACK.
PETER, YOUR HAIR.
MY HAIR? OH, MY HAIR.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE JOKE.
UH, I'M ALWAYS MAKING JOKES.
HOW ABOUT A COLD DRINK?
WELL, I REALLY DON'T FEEL...
SWELL. BE RIGHT BACK.
[mimicking Dracula] MY DEAR,
COUNT DRACULA HAS RETURNED.
PETER, I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO MISS ANY OF THAT PARTY.
[doorbell rings] DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL BE GOING ON FOR HOURS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, LET'S
LEAVE RIGHT AFTER I GET THE DOOR.
UH, PETER, YOU'RE
ACTING KIND OF WEIRD.
[mimicking Dracula] US VAMPIRES
ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WEIRD.
HI!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
GO AROUND BACK AND COME
IN LIKE YOU DID THE LAST TIME.
YOU MEAN, WHERE THE KIDS
WERE PLAYING CHECKERS?
RIGHT. PAMELA'S THERE.
KEEP HER ENTERTAINED
AND I'LL MEET YOU OUT
BACK IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
GOTCHA. AND TAKE
OFF YOUR GLASSES.
RIGHT.
JUST A GIRL SCOUT
SELLING COOKIES.
CAN WE GO NOW, PLEASE?
SURE, JUST LET ME GET
THE TICKETS AND MY WALLET.
HI.
BUT... BUT YOU JUST
WENT THAT WAY.
WELL... WELL, IT'S BAD LUCK TO ENTER
A ROOM THE SAME WAY YOU WENT OUT.
IT'S AN OLD SUPERSTITION.
WELL, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT.
WELL, THAT SHOWS
YOU HOW OLD IT IS.
YOU WANT TO DANCE?
UH, IS YOUR KNEE OK?
SURE. WHY?
WELL, I THOUGHT YOU
HURT IT PLAYING FOOTBALL.
WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?
[door opening]
[exclaims]
(Mike) HI, KIDS. HI.
HI.
(Carol) WE'RE PETER'S PARENTS.
I'M PAMELA PHILLIPS.
WELL, WE'LL BE RIGHT
OUT OF YOUR WAY.
I FORGOT THE NOTES
FOR MY SPEECH.
SHE'S CUTE, ISN'T SHE? YES.
HELLO. UH, HI.
HI, I... I DON'T
THINK WE'VE MET.
UH, I'M MICHELLE. ARE
YOU PETER'S PARENTS?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVE A DATE WITH
PETER TONIGHT.
PETER BRADY? THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO A COSTUME PARTY.
HI.
MIKE, I'M SEEING DOUBLE.
I GUESS I'D BETTER START
FROM THE BEGINNING.
YES.
ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF US WHO
CAME IN AFTER THE PICTURE STARTED.
WELL, IT WAS ARTHUR WHO MADE THE
DATE WITH PAMELA IN THE FIRST PLACE,
AND ARTHUR KEPT HIS DATE
WITH PAMELA IN THE SECOND PLACE.
SO, WHAT'S THE HARM?
THE HARM IS IN THE THIRD PLACE.
I MEAN, YOU TRIED TO
PUT ONE OVER ON PAMELA.
OH, I DON'T MIND, MRS. BRADY.
I'M REALLY GLAD IT
WORKED OUT THIS WAY.
ARTHUR LIKES TO DANCE
AND HE'S GOT 2 GOOD KNEES.
I DON'T MIND, EITHER.
I'M FLATTERED TO THINK PETER
WOULD GO TO SO MUCH
TROUBLE TO KEEP OUR DATE.
WELL, AS LONG AS
EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I GUESS THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
MORNING, MRS. BRADY.
GOOD MORNING, ALICE.
DID YOU HAVE A NICE
EVENING? OH, IT WAS FUN.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WELL, NOT SO FUN. SEEING
PETER IN THAT DRACULA OUTFIT
MADE ME HAVE A HORRIBLE DREAM.
OH, I'M SORRY, ALICE. WHAT
WAS THE DREAM ABOUT?
WELL, FIRST I DREAMED I
WAS CARRIED OFF BY DRACULA,
THEN I WAS CARRIED
OFF BY THE WOLF MAN,
THEN I WAS CARRIED OFF
BY FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER.
OH, ALICE, THAT IS HORRIBLE.
OH, THAT WASN'T
THE HORRIBLE PART.
WHAT WAS? NOT ONE
OF THEM PROPOSED.
♪ OF A LOVELY LADY ♪
♪ WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪
♪ ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪
♪ LIKE THEIR MOTHER ♪
♪ THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS ♪
♪ IT'S THE STORY OF
A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪
♪ WHO WAS BUSY WITH
THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪
♪ THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪
♪ YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE ♪
♪ TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪
♪ AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪
♪ THAT THIS GROUP MUST
SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪
♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪
THINK IT REAL... REAL
HARD, PLEASE, FOR ME.
MMM, MAYBE.
IT'S A COSTUME PARTY.
YOU'LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN.
EVERYBODY THERE WILL BE THERE
IN COSTUME. I'M GOING AS DRACULA.
[sighs]
WELL, I'LL THINK IT OVER, OK?
COME ON, MICHELLE.
YOU'VE JUST GOTTA SAY YES.
[sighing] WELL, I KIND OF
HAVE A DATE THAT NIGHT.
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE A MUCH BETTER
TIME AT THE COSTUME PARTY WITH ME.
I'M CHARMING, WITTY,
HANDSOME, AND VERY MODEST.
[giggles]
BESIDES, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
DATE YOU PRACTICALLY ALL SEMESTER
AND I'M GETTING A
REJECTION COMPLEX.
WELL, IN THE INTEREST
OF MENTAL HEALTH,
OK.
YOU'LL REALLY GO WITH ME?
I JUST SAID I WOULD.
DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE
THE PRINCIPAL NOTARIZE IT?
YEAH! UH, I... I MEAN NO!
UH, I MEAN WOW!
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT
7 FRIDAY NIGHT, OK?
OK.
BYE, PETER. BYE.
OH, I'M SORRY.
HOLY MACKEREL!
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ME!
AND YOU LOOK LIKE
ME WITHOUT GLASSES.
MY NAME'S PETER
BRADY. WHAT'S YOURS?
ARTHUR OWENS.
HOW COME WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE?
I JUST TRANSFERRED TO
THIS SCHOOL YESTERDAY.
[chuckles]
BOY, ARE WE GOING TO DRIVE THE
TEACHERS OUT OF THEIR SKULLS.
YEAH.
HEY, ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT
AFTER SCHOOL TODAY?
UM, NO, WHY?
HOW'D YOU LIKE TO HAVE A
LITTLE FUN PUTTING SOMEONE ON?
SURE. WHO?
MY FAMILY. IT'LL
BE A REAL BLAST.
DO YOU THINK WE COULD FOOL THEM?
I DON'T KNOW, BUT THINK OF
THE POSSIBILITIES IF WE CAN.
YEAH.
[birds chirping]
OK, BOBBY, CINDY, AND
OLIVER ARE IN THE FAMILY ROOM.
OLIVER'S YOUR COUSIN, RIGHT?
RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHO
EVERYBODY ELSE IS.
NOW GO IN AND SEE
IF YOU CAN FOOL 'EM
AND THEN COME RIGHT BACK OUT.
OK.
HEY, NO COACHING, OLIVER. I
SAW YOU SHAKE YOUR HEAD.
[sighs]
HEY, PETE, WANT
TO PLAY THE WINNER?
UH, NO THANKS.
CHECKERS IS A DRAG.
SINCE WHEN?
YEAH, YOU'RE A CHECKERS FREAK.
OH, WELL, WHAT
I... WHAT I MEAN IS,
I USED TO LIKE CHECKERS.
HEY, PETER, COME HERE. I
WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
WHAT'S THE FAVOR?
A FLAVOR FAVOR.
I NEED YOUR EXPERT
PIE-TASTING ABILITIES.
HOW BIG A HUNK CAN YOU HANDLE?
THE HUNKIEST.
UH, I'D RATHER HAVE CHERRY.
BUT I MADE THIS LEMON
PIE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.
CHERRY MAKES YOU BREAK
OUT IN A RASH, REMEMBER?
IT DOES? OH, IT DOES.
RIGHT, A RASH.
I GUESS YOU FORGOT BECAUSE IT'S
BEEN SO LONG SINCE YOU SCRATCHED.
WELL, I'LL LIVE DANGEROUSLY.
I'LL HAVE A PIECE
OF CHERRY ANYWAY.
WELL, IT'S YOUR ITCH.
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME, I'LL
BE IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM
UNWRINKLING A
WRINKLE-PROOF SHIRT.
(Greg) ...JUMP FAR
ENOUGH OUT FROM THAT.
WELL, IF HE HAS A
BOARD I'LL SHOW YOU. OK.
HEY, PETE, DO YOU
WANNA GO WITH US?
HEY, LARRY INVITED
US OVER FOR A SWIM.
I DON'T SWIM.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'RE A GOOD SWIMMER.
I MEAN, I DON'T SWIM WHEN
I DON'T FEEL LIKE SWIMMING.
YOU AND JAN GO ON.
JAN?
DID I SAY JAN?
ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE IT'S A GOOD
THING YOU'RE NOT GOING SWIMMING, PETE.
YOUR BRAIN'S WATERLOGGED TODAY.
(Greg) PETE IS SURE
ACTING STRANGE.
[birds chirping]
PETER.
PETER, YOU PROMISED TO
HELP ME WITH MY ALGEBRA.
WOW. YOU SURE ARE PRETTY.
CUT THE CORNY COMPLIMENTS.
YOU STILL HAVE TO HELP ME.
I'LL HELP YOU ANY TIME.
BOY, YOU SURE HAVE CHANGED.
[phone ringing]
I'LL GET IT.
HELLO. OH, HELLO, MR. PHILLIPS.
OH, NO, I'M SORRY,
MIKE ISN'T HOME YET.
YEAH. I SEE. HELLO.
OH, HOLD ON A SECOND,
MR. PHILLIPS, MIKE JUST WALKED IN.
HONEY, IT'S MR. PHILLIPS.
HE HAS A PROBLEM
ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT.
OK.
HELLO, MR. PHILLIPS. YEAH.
OH, YEAH? I SEE.
UH, WELL, PETER'S 15.
OH, I WOULDN'T THINK IT WOULD BE
A PROBLEM AT ALL IF HE'S NOT BUSY.
UH, HANG ON A SECOND.
I'LL ASK HIM RIGHT NOW.
PETER!
PETER!
PETER, DAD'S CALLING YOU.
HUH? OH, YEAH.
YEAH, DAD?
YOU FREE FRIDAY NIGHT?
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT
ENTERTAINING MY BOSS'S NIECE?
SHE'S VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN.
SURE, I GUESS IT'S OK.
GOOD. UH,
MR. PHILLIPS? IT'S ALL SET.
YOUR NIECE HAS A DATE FRIDAY
NIGHT WITH A VERY ELIGIBLE BACHELOR.
THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER, JAN.
GOOD.
WILL YOU HELP ME
WITH SOMETHING ELSE?
I'D LOVE TO.
YOU'RE SURE A NEW PETER BRADY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
[inaudible]
[birds chirping]
FANTASTIC!
DID ANYONE GET SUSPICIOUS?
I FOOLED THEM
ALL. EVEN YOUR DAD.
THAT'S GREAT.
NEXT TIME, LET'S
TRY IT ON MY FOLKS.
OK.
I'LL SEE YOU IN SCHOOL TOMORROW.
OK.
HEY, HOW ABOUT ME
PLAYING THE WINNER?
BUT YOU JUST SAID
CHECKERS WAS A DRAG.
YEAH, YOU SAID
CHECKERS WAS A DRAG!
I DID? WELL, I JUST
UN-DRAGGED IT.
I WAS WRONG. HE'S
NOT A CHECKERS FREAK,
HE'S A FREAKY FREAK.
(Alice) HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
HI, ALICE. BOY, AM I STARVED.
ONE PIECE OF PIE
BEFORE DINNER IS ENOUGH.
RIGHT. I'LL ONLY HAVE ONE PIECE.
WHICH YOU HAVE ALREADY HAD.
I HAVE?
DON'T GIVE ME THAT
INNOCENT LOOK,
AND DON'T BLAME
ME IF YOU GET A RASH.
A RASH? FROM WHAT?
YOU KNOW FROM WHAT, FROM
THAT PIECE OF CHERRY PIE YOU ATE.
HUH?
OH, THAT! YOU'RE RIGHT. I SHOULDN'T
HAVE EATEN IT. I'M GETTING ITCHY ALREADY.
DID YOU CHANGE YOUR SHIRT?
NO, WHY?
HMM.
(Jan) HI.
I'LL REALLY APPRECIATE
YOUR HELP, PETER.
WHAT HELP?
THAT YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE
ME ON THIS COMPOSITION.
YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING!
NEXT TIME ASK FIRST.
[sighs]
I KNEW IT COULDN'T LAST.
NOT ONLY AM I STUCK WITH
BEING MASTER OF CEREMONIES
AT THAT BANQUET IN
MR. PHILLIPS' HONOR, YEAH?
BUT WE DREW STRAWS AT THE OFFICE
AND I'M IN CHARGE OF BUYING
A GIFT. GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?
OH, I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO GIVE HIM.
SOMETHING IN
EXQUISITE TASTE, THAT HE
ABSOLUTELY LOVES, AND
THAT HE CAN REALLY USE.
WHAT'S THAT?
I'LL LEAVE THE DETAILS
TO YOU. YEAH, OH, THANKS.
(Peter) HI.
HI. PETER THAT WAS VERY NICE
OF YOU, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
THAT'S OK.
WHAT WAS NICE OF ME?
OFFERING TO ENTERTAIN
PAMELA FRIDAY NIGHT.
PAMELA?
MR. PHILLIPS' NIECE, WHO'S
VISITING FROM OUT OF TOWN.
YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT.
I... I DID?
YES, YOU DID.
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?
PETER, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I-I-IT'S JUST THAT I
ALREADY GOT A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
WELL, THEN, WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY THAT BEFORE?
I... I WASN'T EXACTLY
MYSELF BEFORE.
WELL, PETER, LOOK, IF YOU
SAID YOU'D DO IT, YOU HAVE TO.
YOU CAN'T DISAPPOINT
MR. PHILLIPS.
BUT I CAN'T CANCEL OUT MICHELLE,
NOT AFTER 6 MONTHS OF HARD
LABOR TRYING TO GET A DATE.
SWITCH IT.
SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.
[phone ringing]
HELLO. HELLO, ARTHUR?
IT'S ME, PETER. PETER BRADY.
OH, HI, PETER. I'M
GLAD YOU CALLED.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING THIS AFTERNOON.
BOY, YOU SURE DID.
THEN YOU KNOW ABOUT
YOUR DATE THIS FRIDAY.
THANKS TO YOU I'VE GOT 2 DATES.
I'M REALLY IN A SPOT.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
I WISH I COULD HELP YOU OUT.
SO DO I.
I'D HAVE TO BE TWINS...
HEY, DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I JUST SAID?
YEAH. WHY?
WELL, IN A WAY I AM TWINS AND
ONE OF ME IS NAMED ARTHUR!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, YOU MADE A DATE
WITH PAMELA, RIGHT?
WELL, YOU'RE GOING
TO KEEP THAT DATE
AND I'M GOING TO KEEP MY
OTHER DATE WITH MICHELLE.
[stuttering] I... I
DON'T KNOW, PETER.
YOU GOT ME INTO THIS, YOU
GOTTA GET ME OUT. IT'S ONLY FAIR.
YEAH, I GUESS SO. OK.
SUPER. I'LL HANDLE
ALL THE DETAILS.
WHAT TIME FRIDAY?
I HAVE TO PICK UP
MICHELLE AROUND 7,
SO GET HERE A LITTLE BIT BEFORE.
A-AND WEAR THE SAME AS ME.
A WHITE T-SHIRT
AND BLUE JEANS. OK?
OK.
BOY, I SURE HOPE
NOTHING GOES WRONG.
WILL YOU RELAX? WHAT
COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
BYE. GOODBYE.
PETER BRADY, YOU'RE
SOME KIND OF GENIUS.
OH, FIRST OF ALL,
I SHOULD EXPLAIN
THAT THIS IS NOT AN
ORDINARY BANQUET
HONORING MR. PHILLIPS,
RIGHT? IT'S A ROAST.
YOU KNOW, INSTEAD OF SAYING NICE
THINGS ABOUT THE GUEST OF HONOR,
UH, UH, THE SPEAKERS INSULT HIM.
YOU'RE GOING TO
INSULT YOUR OWN BOSS?
YEAH, WELL, HUMOROUSLY.
WELL, LET'S HOPE THE
NEXT DAY YOU DON'T
HUMOROUSLY SHOW UP AT
THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE.
OH, NO, ALICE. MR. PHILLIPS
HAS A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
OH, SURE. THAT'S WHY HE
HIRED AN ARCHITECT LIKE DAD.
LISTEN, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A
ROAST FOR MY BOSS, NOT FOR ME.
HONEY, COULD WE
HEAR YOUR SPEECH?
AHEM. YES, YES, YES.
LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN... OH, TERRIFIC.
YOU LIKE THE OPENING, DO YOU?
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S ONLY FITTING
THAT WE HONOR
MR. PHILLIPS TONIGHT
BECAUSE MR. PHILLIPS HAS COME
A LONG WAY IN THE PAST 25 YEARS.
THE FIRST BUILDING MR. PHILLIPS
EVER DESIGNED WAS SO SHAKY
THAT THE TERMITES HAD TO HOLD
HANDS TO KEEP IT FROM COLLAPSING.
[chuckles]
[laughing]
DON'T YOU GET IT?
S-SURE.
AND, UH, THE WALLS WERE SO THIN,
THAT IF YOU STRIPPED OFF THE
WALLPAPER, YOU'D BE IN THE NEXT ROOM.
GEE, MR. BRADY, YOU'RE AS FUNNY
AS BOB HOPE AND MILTON BERLE.
HE OUGHT TO BE.
THOSE ARE THEIR JOKES.
MAYBE I OUGHT TO GO ON THE ROAD
WITH THIS MATERIAL
AFTER THE BANQUET.
NO, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO GO ON
THE ROAD BEFORE THE BANQUET.
OH, WE'RE ONLY
KIDDING. COME BACK, MIKE.
HI, MARCIA. HOW'S
MY FAVORITE SISTER?
SUSPICIOUS.
I'M ONLY YOUR FAVORITE SISTER
WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING.
WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY WANT?
I'M JUST A LOVING BROTHER
WHO'S WILLING TO PAY
HIS LOVING SISTER'S
WAY TO A MOVIE TONIGHT.
AND I'LL EVEN LET HER BRING JAN,
BOBBY, CINDY, AND OLIVER WITH HER.
NO, THANKS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER
ME SO FAST. THINK IT OVER.
I'VE ALREADY GOT A DATE, PETER
GREG HAS, TOO.
AND BESIDES YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT US BUTTING IN
ON YOUR DATE WITH PAMELA.
[snaps fingers]
[door slides open]
HI, JAN. HOW'S MY
FAVORITE SISTER?
I ALREADY HEARD, SO YOU
CAN STOP SLICING THE BALONEY.
I SUPPOSE YOU'VE
GOT A DATE, TOO? YEAH.
TO TAKE BOBBY, CINDY, AND OLIVER
TO THE MOVIE IF YOU'RE REALLY PAYING.
I'M PAYING! THANKS.
SORRY, PETE.
WE WANT TO STAY HOME
AND WATCH T.V. TONIGHT.
BUT THERE'S A REAL
GOOD MOVIE PLAYING.
WE MIGHT CHANGE OUR MINDS IF THE
MOVIE INCLUDED CERTAIN OTHER THINGS.
YEAH. CERTAIN OTHER THINGS.
I'M WITH THEM.
I... I SAID I WAS
BUYING THE TICKETS.
WELL, WATCHING A MOVIE WITHOUT
POPCORN CAN BE PURE TORTURE.
THE WORST KIND.
OK. I'LL THROW IN THE POPCORN.
WITH BUTTER?
WITH BUTTER.
WELL, YOU GOTTA HAVE
SOMETHING TO WASH IT DOWN WITH.
RIGHT, YOU GUYS? YEAH.
YEAH, YOU JUST CAN'T
LET IT STICK THERE.
OK. YOU CAN HAVE ICE CREAM, TOO.
ICE CREAM? HEY, THANKS FOR
REMINDING ME. I MEANT SODA POP.
HEY, COMPARED TO YOU THREE,
JESSE JAMES WAS A CHOIR BOY.
OK, YOU'VE GOT SANDWICHES,
FRESH FRUIT, WHAT'S LEFT OF THE PIES,
PUDDING, UH, 3 KINDS OF SOFT
DRINKS, OH, AND SOME MIXED NUTS.
DO YOU THINK YOU AND PAMELA
CAN STRUGGLE ALONG ON THAT?
THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH
FOR A LIGHT SNACK. OOH.
[chuckling] THANKS, ALICE.
YOU'RE WELCOME. IF
YOU AND PAMELA NEED ME,
I'LL BE IN MY ROOM
WATCHING THE EARLY SHOW,
THE LATE SHOW AND
WHATEVER COMES IN BETWEEN.
GOOD. UH, I MEAN, I'M SURE
WE WON'T NEED ANYTHING.
OK.
PETER, WE'RE LEAVING.
PETER, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO CHANGE?
MR. PHILLIPS WILL BE
DROPPING PAMELA OFF SOON.
DON'T WORRY, MOM.
I'LL BE READY FOR HER.
WELL, HAVE A NICE TIME, SON.
I KNOW I WILL. I HOPE
PAMELA DOES, TOO.
[chuckling]
WELL, GOOD NIGHT, PETER.
GOOD NIGHT.
THANKS, UNCLE ED.
HI, I'M PAM PHILLIPS.
HI, I'M PETER BRADY. COME ON IN.
IT'S NICE MEETING YOU.
YOU, TOO. THANKS
FOR HAVING ME OVER.
THAT'S OK.
YOU WANT TO LISTEN
TO SOME RECORDS?
SURE. I'D LOVE TO.
THE RECORD PLAYER'S
BACK IN THE FAMILY ROOM.
[phone ringing] UH, STRAIGHT
THROUGH THE KITCHEN.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. OK.
HELLO? HI, PETER.
IT'S ME, ARTHUR.
WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
I'M STILL AT HOME. I'M
GONNA BE A LITTLE LATE.
WELL, PAM JUST ARRIVED AND I'M SUPPOSED
TO PICK UP MICHELLE IN A HALF AN HOUR.
LOOK, I CAN'T LEAVE MY KID
SISTER TILL MY FOLKS GET HOME.
WELL, HOW LONG WILL THAT BE?
I'M NOT SURE.
WELL, GET HERE
AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
I'LL CALL MICHELLE
AND STALL HER.
[doorbell rings]
[sighs]
HI, PETER! SURPRISE!
MICHELLE!
[knocking on door]
WHAT KIND OF WELCOME
DO YOU CALL THAT?
UH, SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT SURPRISES
HAVE A TENDENCY TO SURPRISE ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
MY BROTHER DROPPED
ME OFF TO SAVE YOU A TRIP.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
VERY THOUGHTFUL.
YEAH, VERY.
WHERE'S YOUR COSTUME?
OH, IT'S RIGHT INSIDE.
I'LL GO PUT IT ON.
PETER, AREN'T YOU
GOING TO LET ME IN?
OH, YEAH, COME ON IN.
UH, MY COSTUME'S RIGHT IN HERE.
OH.
I'LL GO PUT IT ON.
YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
YOU CAN WATCH T.V.
WHILE YOU'RE WAITING.
OH, WELL, DON'T BE LONG.
UH, DON'T SIT THERE.
THE VIEW'S MUCH
BETTER FROM OVER HERE.
OK.
OH, THERE'S A GREAT
MOVIE ON T.V., YOU'LL LOVE IT.
UH, BUT DON'T YOU
MOVE OUT OF THAT SEAT.
WHY NOT?
I JUST WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO
MISS ANY OF THE MOVIE, THAT'S ALL.
BE RIGHT BACK. HUH?
♪ [violin playing on T.V.]
HI. SORRY I TOOK SO LONG.
UH, SOMEBODY CAME TO THE DOOR RIGHT
AFTER THE PHONE. YOU KNOW, SALESMEN.
PETER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S TO CLOSE OUT A DRAFT.
I JUST GOT OVER A COLD.
[coughing]
♪ [music playing] HOW'S THAT?
SUPER. LET'S DANCE.
OW!
WHAT'S THE MATTER? MY
KNEE. AN OLD FOOTBALL INJURY.
I BETTER GO TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
WELL, LET ME HELP YOU. NO, NO!
I... I MEAN, I JUST MET YOU,
I COULDN'T LET YOU
LOOK AT MY NAKED KNEE.
♪ [violin playing]
[mimicking Dracula] GOOD EVENING,
I WANT TO BITE YOUR NECK.
THAT'S REALLY NEAT, PETER.
YOU MAKE A FANTASTIC
DRACULA. LET'S GO NOW, HUH?
UH, W-W-WHAT'S THE HURRY?
[mimicking Dracula] LET'S
HAVE A GLASS OF BLOOD.
I-I'LL GET A COLD DRINK.
[sighs]
OH.
PETER, WHAT IN
THE WORLD IS THAT?
I'LL EXPLAIN LATER, ALICE. RIGHT
NOW, I NEED A BOTTLE OF POP.
JUST REMEMBER TO BE BACK
IN YOUR BOX OF DIRT BY DAWN.
PETER?
STAY IN THERE, PAMELA. THIS
KNEE'S A PRETTY MESSY SIGHT.
ARE YOU OK?
I-I'LL PULL THROUGH.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
HI, I'M BACK.
PETER, YOUR HAIR.
MY HAIR? OH, MY HAIR.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE JOKE.
UH, I'M ALWAYS MAKING JOKES.
HOW ABOUT A COLD DRINK?
WELL, I REALLY DON'T FEEL...
SWELL. BE RIGHT BACK.
[mimicking Dracula] MY DEAR,
COUNT DRACULA HAS RETURNED.
PETER, I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO MISS ANY OF THAT PARTY.
[doorbell rings] DON'T WORRY.
IT'LL BE GOING ON FOR HOURS.
ON THE OTHER HAND, LET'S
LEAVE RIGHT AFTER I GET THE DOOR.
UH, PETER, YOU'RE
ACTING KIND OF WEIRD.
[mimicking Dracula] US VAMPIRES
ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WEIRD.
HI!
BOY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.
GO AROUND BACK AND COME
IN LIKE YOU DID THE LAST TIME.
YOU MEAN, WHERE THE KIDS
WERE PLAYING CHECKERS?
RIGHT. PAMELA'S THERE.
KEEP HER ENTERTAINED
AND I'LL MEET YOU OUT
BACK IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.
GOTCHA. AND TAKE
OFF YOUR GLASSES.
RIGHT.
JUST A GIRL SCOUT
SELLING COOKIES.
CAN WE GO NOW, PLEASE?
SURE, JUST LET ME GET
THE TICKETS AND MY WALLET.
HI.
BUT... BUT YOU JUST
WENT THAT WAY.
WELL... WELL, IT'S BAD LUCK TO ENTER
A ROOM THE SAME WAY YOU WENT OUT.
IT'S AN OLD SUPERSTITION.
WELL, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT.
WELL, THAT SHOWS
YOU HOW OLD IT IS.
YOU WANT TO DANCE?
UH, IS YOUR KNEE OK?
SURE. WHY?
WELL, I THOUGHT YOU
HURT IT PLAYING FOOTBALL.
WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?
[door opening]
[exclaims]
(Mike) HI, KIDS. HI.
HI.
(Carol) WE'RE PETER'S PARENTS.
I'M PAMELA PHILLIPS.
WELL, WE'LL BE RIGHT
OUT OF YOUR WAY.
I FORGOT THE NOTES
FOR MY SPEECH.
SHE'S CUTE, ISN'T SHE? YES.
HELLO. UH, HI.
HI, I... I DON'T
THINK WE'VE MET.
UH, I'M MICHELLE. ARE
YOU PETER'S PARENTS?
THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAVE A DATE WITH
PETER TONIGHT.
PETER BRADY? THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE GOING TO A COSTUME PARTY.
HI.
MIKE, I'M SEEING DOUBLE.
I GUESS I'D BETTER START
FROM THE BEGINNING.
YES.
ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF US WHO
CAME IN AFTER THE PICTURE STARTED.
WELL, IT WAS ARTHUR WHO MADE THE
DATE WITH PAMELA IN THE FIRST PLACE,
AND ARTHUR KEPT HIS DATE
WITH PAMELA IN THE SECOND PLACE.
SO, WHAT'S THE HARM?
THE HARM IS IN THE THIRD PLACE.
I MEAN, YOU TRIED TO
PUT ONE OVER ON PAMELA.
OH, I DON'T MIND, MRS. BRADY.
I'M REALLY GLAD IT
WORKED OUT THIS WAY.
ARTHUR LIKES TO DANCE
AND HE'S GOT 2 GOOD KNEES.
I DON'T MIND, EITHER.
I'M FLATTERED TO THINK PETER
WOULD GO TO SO MUCH
TROUBLE TO KEEP OUR DATE.
WELL, AS LONG AS
EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.
I GUESS THAT'S ALL THAT COUNTS.
MORNING, MRS. BRADY.
GOOD MORNING, ALICE.
DID YOU HAVE A NICE
EVENING? OH, IT WAS FUN.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
WELL, NOT SO FUN. SEEING
PETER IN THAT DRACULA OUTFIT
MADE ME HAVE A HORRIBLE DREAM.
OH, I'M SORRY, ALICE. WHAT
WAS THE DREAM ABOUT?
WELL, FIRST I DREAMED I
WAS CARRIED OFF BY DRACULA,
THEN I WAS CARRIED
OFF BY THE WOLF MAN,
THEN I WAS CARRIED OFF
BY FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER.
OH, ALICE, THAT IS HORRIBLE.
OH, THAT WASN'T
THE HORRIBLE PART.
WHAT WAS? NOT ONE
OF THEM PROPOSED.