The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 5, Episode 13 - Miss Popularity - full transcript

An honored Jan has been nominated for most popular girl of her class, but doesn't expect to win against the "brainy, beautiful and built" Kathy Williams. She and her entire family are nonetheless excited at the news. To win, Marcia suggests she campaign, which she does with help from her family. While her family makes and distributes campaign materials, Jan promises anything to voters when asked, including the help of others without even asking them. The campaigning works as Jan wins, but her promises go by the wayside as the election is now over, as she no longer needs votes and as she achieved her only goal of winning. As such, Jan goes from being most popular girl to being least popular girl, which she doesn't realize as the election win in and of itself is the validation from her peers that she needs that she is the most fantastic girl in her class. Is there any way this turn in her popularity will sink into her head, and if so can Jan redeem herself to her classmates and siblings before an impeachment? Meanwhile, Mike is taking Carol on a long talked about extended weekend getaway to the beach as a second honeymoon. But plan after plan is sidetracked to what ends up being a totally different experience for that weekend.

♪ HERE'S THE STORY ♪

♪ OF A LOVELY LADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BRINGING UP
THREE VERY LOVELY GIRLS ♪

♪ ALL OF THEM HAD HAIR OF GOLD ♪

♪ LIKE THEIR MOTHER ♪

♪ THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS ♪

♪ IT'S THE STORY OF
A MAN NAMED BRADY ♪

♪ WHO WAS BUSY WITH
THREE BOYS OF HIS OWN ♪

♪ THEY WERE FOUR MEN
LIVING ALL TOGETHER ♪

♪ YET THEY WERE ALL ALONE ♪

♪ TILL THE ONE DAY WHEN
THE LADY MET THIS FELLOW ♪



♪ AND THEY KNEW THAT IT WAS
MUCH MORE THAN A HUNCH ♪

♪ THAT THIS GROUP MUST
SOMEHOW FORM A FAMILY ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

♪ THAT'S THE WAY WE
BECAME THE BRADY BUNCH ♪

[door closing]

ALICE, ALICE!

THE MOST WONDERFUL THING IN
THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD HAPPENED!

YOU WERE NOMINATED FOR THE
MOST POPULAR GIRL IN YOUR CLASS.

I WAS NOMINATED FOR...
CONGRATULATIONS.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

WELL, PETER BEAT YOU HOME BY A
GLASS OF MILK AND A SLICE OF BALONEY.

WELL, ISN'T IT TERRIFIC?



TERRIFIC. I THINK YOUR
CLASSMATES HAVE GOT REAL CLASS.

THANKS!

HI, BOBBY. HI, JAN.

BOBBY, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY.

I KNOW, YOU GOT NOMINATED
FOR MOST POPULAR GIRL.

THAT'S GREAT!

WELL, AT LEAST MARCIA
WILL BE SURPRISED.

I ALREADY HEARD. YEAH. ME, TOO.

CONGRATULATIONS.

HONESTLY, SURPRISING
PEOPLE IN THIS FAMILY

[Jan and Marcia giggling] IS HARDER THAN
SMUGGLING SUNRISE PAST A ROOSTER.

WE THINK IT'S SUPER.

YEAH, I'M GONNA HAVE
A HARD TIME WINNING

WITH A GIRL LIKE KATHY
WILLIAMS IN THE CONTEST.

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT HER?

WELL, SHE'S GOT THE 3 B's.
BEAUTIFUL, BRAINY AND BUILT.

OH, JAN, THAT'S NOT EVERYTHING.

AT MY AGE, IT'S NOTHING.

[laughing]

(Marcia) YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO GET OUT THERE

AND CAMPAIGN HARD.

YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT WORRIED.

GOOD.

I PASSED WORRIED AN HOUR AGO,

NOW I'M TERRIFIED.

[chuckling] SIR, MAY I
PLEASE REMIND YOU

THAT I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED
WOMAN AND A MOTHER.

YEAH, THIS IS HOW
YOU GET THAT WAY.

[both chuckling]

LISTEN, I BRING YOU GOOD NEWS.

OH, FIRST, LET ME TELL
YOU MY GOOD NEWS.

DID YOU KNOW THAT JAN
WAS NOMINATED THE MOST...

THE MOST POPULAR
GIRL IN THE CLASS. YEAH.

6 KIDS AND THE HOUSEKEEPER LAID IT ON
ME BEFORE I HAD BOTH FEET IN THE DOOR.

OK, WHAT'S THE NEW GOOD NEWS?

YOU KNOW THAT LONG WEEKEND

WE'VE BEEN PLANNING
FOR OVER A YEAR? YEAH.

WE ARE GOING ON THE 8TH.

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S
ARRANGED AT THE OFFICE.

OH, HONEY, THAT'S TERRIFIC!

OH, IT'LL BE LIKE A
2ND HONEYMOON. HMM.

AH, THAT'S ONE RERUN I'M
REALLY GONNA ENJOY. YUP.

YOU'LL NEED LOT OF "VOTE
FOR JAN BRADY" POSTERS.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND
LOTS OF HANDBILLS, TOO.

AND I'M GONNA NEED
ALL THE HELP I CAN GET

'CAUSE THE ELECTION'S NEXT WEEK.

AND IF THERE'S EVER ANYTHING THAT I
CAN DO FOR YOU, ANYTHING AT ALL, JUST ASK.

YOU CAN TAKE MY
TURN AT THE DENTIST.

[girls giggling] I'D
EVEN PROMISE THAT.

HEY, JAN, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
NEED IS A GOOD CAMPAIGN MANAGER

TO COORDINATE ALL YOUR
ACTIVITIES AT SCHOOL.

YEAH, BUT WHO?

IT'S GOTTA BE SOMEONE
WHO GOES TO MY SCHOOL,

AND SOMEONE WHO...

HEY! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?

PETER!

IF HE'LL DO IT.

OF COURSE, HE'LL DO
IT. HE'S MY BROTHER.

AND BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

NO WAY!

BUT, PETER, YOU'RE MY BROTHER.

AND BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

SO WHAT? SO'S GLUE.

WHY WON'T YOU DO IT?

PERSONAL REASONS.

YEAH, AND HER
NAME'S KATHY WILLIAMS.

WHAT ABOUT KATHY WILLIAMS?

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW, SHE
ASKED ME TO MANAGE HER CAMPAIGN.

AND YOU'D ACTUALLY
HELP HER INSTEAD OF ME?

WELL, I DIDN'T SAY I WOULD YET,

BUT YOU'RE ONLY MY
SISTER. SHE'S A GIRL.

BUT, PETER, I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
WITHOUT A GOOD CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

PLEASE.

I'LL PROMISE ANYTHING IN RETURN
FOR YOUR HELP. NAME YOUR PRICE.

I CAN'T BE BOUGHT.

OH, BUT, PETER. I...

I CAN, A LOT CHEAPER, TOO.

BOBBY, THE PERSON WHO'S GONNA BE MY
CAMPAIGN MANAGER HAS TO GO TO MY SCHOOL,

BUT I CAN STILL USE YOUR HELP.

PETER.

ON 2ND THOUGHT, JAN,
IF YOU REALLY MEAN

TO PROMISE ANYTHING
IN RETURN FOR MY HELP.

ANYTHING, PETER, JUST NAME IT.

WELL, I COULD USE A SMALL
LOAN, JUST... YOU'VE GOT IT.

WELL, YOU DON'T EVEN
KNOW FOR WHAT. WHO CARES?

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
FOR HOW MUCH. WHO CARES?

WHEN DO I HAVE TO PAY
YOU BACK? WHO CARES?

YOU GOT YOURSELF
A CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

MY HEART BELONGS TO KATHY,
BUT MY BLOOD BELONGS TO YOU.

THANKS, PETER, I
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

I CAN BE HIS ASSISTANT
FOR A SMALLER LOAN.

IT'S A DEAL.

[chuckling]

ALICE, DID I GET A PHONE CALL
FROM A GUY NAMED RICHIE?

IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT.

NO, AND IT MIGHT BE QUICKER
IF HE SENT YOU A TELEGRAM.

WHAT?

WELL, SEE WHAT I'M DOING IS MAKING
A LOT OF POSTERS AND HANDBILLS

AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

AND HER 3 MINUTES WERE
UP ABOUT 2 HOURS AGO.

(Jan) AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING I
CAN DO FOR YOU, JUST NAME IT.

NO. I MEAN IT. ANYTHING.

LIKE BABY-SITTING FOR YOUR
LITTLE BROTHER OR WHATEVER.

I'M YOUR FRIEND FOR LIFE.

YEAH, SURE. OK, THANKS. BYE.

AND IF YOU WANT ANOTHER FRIEND
FOR LIFE, LET ME MAKE A CALL, HUH?

SURE. THANKS.

JUST AS SOON AS I
MAKE ONE MORE CALL.

[sighing]

JAN, YOU, UH, WANT VOTES, HUH?

DO I EVER.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF
I SAID I HAVE FRIENDS IN SCHOOL

WHO HAVE BROTHERS AND
SISTERS THAT GO TO YOUR SCHOOL

WHO MIGHT BE TALKED
INTO VOTING FOR YOU?

I'D SAY, MAKE YOUR CALL.

AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN DO FOR YOU, JUST NAME IT.

I WILL.

AH, BEAT ME HOME, HUH?

UH, YES.

I'VE BEEN GONE SHOPPING FOR
OUR WEEKEND AT THE BEACH.

WELL... WHAT DO
YOU THINK, HONEY?

DOES IT DO ANYTHING FOR ME?

HEY, NOT NEAR AS MUCH
AS IT'S GONNA DO FOR ME.

BE A LITTLE CHILLY ON
THE BEACH AT NIGHT.

AT NIGHT?

[sighing] WE DON'T HAVE A ROOM.

OH, NO, MIKE. DIDN'T
YOU GET A RESERVATION?

HONEY, EVERYTHING'S BOOKED
SOLID FOR THE WEEKEND OF THE 8TH.

I EVEN CALLED A FRIEND
OF A FRIEND. AND?

NOW WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE.

WELL, THERE GOES OUR WEEKEND
AND OUR 2ND HONEYMOON.

YEAH, BUT NOT NECESSARILY.

LISTEN, I WAS JUST THINKING.

SINCE EVERYBODY'S
FLOCKING TO THE BEACH,

WHY DON'T WE FLOCK
TO THE MOUNTAINS?

THEY'RE HAVING GOOD SKIING.

OH, MIKE, WE
HAVEN'T SKIED IN AGES.

WELL, WHO SKIS ON HONEYMOONS?

HEY, MAYBE YOU'RE
RIGHT. MMM-HMM.

WE COULD LIMP AROUND.
NOBODY'LL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

YEAH, RIGHT, I'LL MAKE
RESERVATIONS FIRST THING.

WELL, OK.

SO LONG, BIKINI. I'VE GOT TO TRADE
YOU IN FOR SOME LONG UNDERWEAR.

HI, ALICE. HI, HONEY.

♪ [humming]

WHAT YOU DOING?

HELPING YOU GET ELECTED.

YOU CAN'T VERY WELL
PASS OUT CIGARS AT SCHOOL,

BUT, UH, YOU COULD
PASS OUT THESE.

WHAT'S THAT?

HOMEMADE FORTUNE COOKIE.

THERE'S A LITTLE
MESSAGE INSIDE EACH ONE.

"BE A SMART COOKIE.
VOTE FOR JAN BRADY."

OH, THAT'S A SUPER
IDEA, ALICE. THANK YOU.

CINDY, LOOK.

"VOTE FOR JAN BRADY."

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

I'LL PUT THIS POSTER
ON THE BACK OF THE CAR,

AND I'LL DRIVE JAN AROUND
THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND THEN SHE CAN PASS OUT
THOSE COOKIES THAT ALICE MADE.

YEAH, AND I'VE GOT AN IDEA, TOO.

I'M MAKING AN AD FOR JAN TO
PUT IN HER SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.

[chuckles]

HEY, WHAT'S THAT
WORD THAT YOU WRITE

WHEN YOU DON'T WANT
ANYBODY TO KNOW YOUR NAME?

UH, YOU MEAN ANONYMOUS?

YEAH, THAT'S IT.

"ANONYMOUS."

THERE. HOW'S THIS SOUND?

"VOTE FOR JAN BRADY,
MOST POPULAR GIRL.

"SHE'S PRETTY AND
SMART AND NICE AND KIND.

"I OUGHT TO KNOW
'CAUSE I'M HER SISTER.

SIGNED, ANONYMOUS."

OH, CINDY!

[laughing]

CAN'T YOU HAVE BORROWED
A BETTER MACHINE?

STOP COMPLAINING
AND KEEP CRANKING.

HEY, IF THAT'S MONEY
YOU'RE PRINTING UP

I'LL TAKE A PACKAGE OF 100s.

THESE ARE HANDBILLS
FOR JAN'S CAMPAIGN.

YEAH? LET ME SEE.

THEY'RE GREAT EXCEPT FOR
ONE LITTLE THING. WHAT'S THAT?

THEY'RE SO MESSY,
YOU CAN'T READ 'EM.

OH, WELL, THESE FIRST
ONES ARE JUST SAMPLES.

[chuckles] THEY'LL GET BETTER.

AND IF THEY DON'T, YOU GOT A
GOOD SMEAR CAMPAIGN GOING.

(Peter) VOTE FOR JAN BRADY!

BE SURE TO VOTE FOR JAN BRADY.

JAN BRADY FOR MOST POPULAR GIRL.

VOTE FOR JAN BRADY.

BE SURE TO VOTE FOR JAN BRADY.

JAN BRADY FOR MOST
POPULAR GIRL. DON'T FORGET.

VOTE FOR JAN BRADY. BE
SURE TO VOTE FOR JAN BRADY.

JAN BRADY FOR MOST POPULAR GIRL.

AND IF YOU DO VOTE FOR
ME, I'LL NEVER EVER FORGET IT.

IF ANY OF YOU EVER NEEDS A
FAVOR, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK.

(Herman) YOU REALLY
MEAN THAT, JAN?

OF COURSE I DO, HERMAN.

WELL, I'VE GOT A FAVOR TO ASK.

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

I'M FLUNKING ALGEBRA,
AND I NEED HELP.

YOU'VE GOT IT.

MY BROTHER GREG
IS A WHIZ AT ALGEBRA.

HE'LL GIVE YOU ALL
THE HELP YOU NEED.

GEE, THANKS. THAT'D BE SUPER.

NO PROBLEM.

JUST REMEMBER, JAN BRADY
FOR MOST POPULAR GIRL.

YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE.

HEY, JAN? OH, HI, SHIRLEY.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT BABY-SITTING FOR MY BROTHER?

SURE DO. IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO

FOR A FRIEND WHO'S
VOTING FOR ME.

I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN, OK?

OK. ANYTIME, SHIRLEY.

OK. BYE-BYE. BYE.

(Peter) HEY, JAN? YEAH.

HOW GOES THE CAMPAIGN?

OK, I HOPE.

GEE, IT SURE TAKES
A LOT OF PROMISES

TO GET ELECTED, DOESN'T IT?

WHO HAVE YOU GOT
THINGS PROMISED TO?

EVERYBODY.

DO YOU THINK I HAVE A
CHANCE TO WIN, PETER?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU A GOOD
WAY TO FIND OUT. HOW?

COUNT THE VOTES AT THE
ELECTION THIS AFTERNOON.

HERE, REMEMBER.
VOTE FOR JAN BRADY.

OH, YOUR WEEKEND IN THE
MOUNTAINS SOUNDS HEAVENLY.

IT'LL DO YOU AND MR. BRADY
A... A WORLD OF GOOD

TO GET AWAY ON YOUR
OWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

OH, YEAH, BUT IT SURE IS GONNA
SEEM STRANGE WITHOUT THE KIDS, ALICE.

YOU KNOW, RAISING A
FAMILY GETS TO BE A HABIT.

YEAH, NOW THERE'S A HABIT
I'D LIKE TO TALK SAM INTO.

[laughing]

[mimicking fanfare]

PRESENTING HER ROYAL MAJESTY,

THE MOST POPULAR
GIRL IN HER CLASS,

JAN BRADY!

MOM, I WON. I ACTUALLY WON.

OH, JAN, THAT'S
GREAT. BEAUTIFUL.

ALL OF MY HARD
WORK FINALLY PAID OFF.

AND EVERYBODY ELSE
WHO HELPED. OH, YEAH.

OH, ISN'T IT FANTASTIC? YES.

OH, THIS CALLS
FOR A CELEBRATION.

NOW I'M GOING TO PREPARE
A SPECIAL DISH TONIGHT.

SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
SOMETHING REALLY FAR OUT.

WHAT'S THAT, ALICE?

A RECIPE WITH MEAT IN IT.

[Carol laughing] I'M GONNA TELL
ALL THE OTHERS WHAT HAPPENED.

YEAH. YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.

GREG!

LOOK, I GOT TO GO NOW. BYE.

GREG, I WON.

I WAS VOTED MOST POPULAR GIRL.

I KNOW.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

THAT CALL WAS FROM SOME KID
IN YOUR CLASS NAMED HERMAN.

HERMAN? WHAT DID HE WANT?

WELL, HE'S GOT SOME STUPID IDEA

THAT I'M GONNA HELP
HIM WITH HIS ALGEBRA.

OH, THAT. WELL, I DID SORT OF
PROMISE HIM THAT YOU WOULD.

WELL, YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO
PROMISE HIM I'D DO ANYTHING.

WELL, I NEEDED HIS VOTE.

[laughing] WELL...

I DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
TIME TO HELP HERMAN.

I'VE GOT MY OWN
STUDIES TO WORRY ABOUT.

DON'T WORRY, HE'LL FIND
SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HIM.

BUT YOU MADE HIM A PROMISE.

ONLY A CAMPAIGN PROMISE.

THE ELECTION'S
OVER NOW, AND I WON.

THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.

(Shirley) OH, JAN!

OH, HI, SHIRLEY.

I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU.

I REALLY NEED THAT
FAVOR. WHAT FAVOR?

YOU SAID YOU'D BABY-SIT FOR MY
LITTLE BROTHER. HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

NOT TONIGHT. I'LL DO
IT SOME OTHER TIME.

BUT YOU PROMISED, AND THIS
IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

I'M SORRY, I'M BUSY TONIGHT.

(Herman) JUST A MINUTE.

THANKS A LOT, MISS
POPULARITY. WHAT FOR?

FOR NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

WELL, YOU SAID YOUR BROTHER GREG WAS
GONNA HELP ME WITH ALGEBRA, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, WELL, DON'T
BLAME ME. BLAME GREG.

BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PROMISED!

WELL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I WAS SURE HE'D HELP.

I WISH I COULD BUY MY VOTE BACK.

AND SO DO A LOT OF THE KIDS.

THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS.

GOING HOME, PETE?

YEAH, IN A COUPLE MINUTES.

BOY, THE KIDS SURE DON'T
LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE ACTING.

I SIMPLY DON'T HAVE TIME ENOUGH
TO DO EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY.

WELL, THEY'RE ALL
PRETTY DOWN ON YOU.

ARE YOU KIDDING? JAN BRADY'S
THE MOST POPULAR GIRL IN HER CLASS.

[inaudible]

NO WAY. WE HAVEN'T
GOT ENOUGH MONEY.

WITH A SISTER LIKE JAN,
YOU DON'T NEED ENEMIES.

HI, MEN.

HEY, DAD! DAD?

DAD, COULD WE SEE
YOU FOR A SECOND?

WHAT'S UP?

ANY CHANCE OF GETTING AN
ADVANCE ON OUR FUTURE ALLOWANCES?

[sighing] HOW FAR IN THE
FUTURE IS THAT FUTURE?

NOT TOO FAR. WE'LL LIVE
LONG ENOUGH TO REPAY IT.

SEE, I PUT DOWN AN
$8 DEPOSIT ON A RADIO,

AND BOBBY PUT A $3
DEPOSIT ON A SKATEBOARD.

AND NOW WE'VE GOT A
PROBLEM. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

WELL, I HAVEN'T GOT THE $8,
AND BOBBY HASN'T GOT THE $3.

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE. HOW COULD YOU
PUT DOWN MONEY THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE?

WE THOUGHT WE'D HAVE IT.

BUT JAN WELCHED OUT ON
HER PROMISE TO LOAN IT TO US.

WELL, I'M SURE JAN HAS A REASON
FOR BREAKING HER PROMISE.

SHE SURE DOES. SHE'S A PHONY.

(Bobby) SHE JUST USED
US TO GET ELECTED.

WE'VE GOT 5 OTHER KIDS.

COULD WE PUT HER
UP FOR ADOPTION?

[laughing]

I DON'T THINK SO.

LOOK, DON'T BE TOO HARD ON HER.

I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN
DO ABOUT THE ADVANCE.

THANKS, DAD.

HI, HONEY. I'M HOME.

(Carol) BE RIGHT
THERE, SWEETHEART!

DID YOU GET THE SKI
LODGE RESERVATION?

YEAH, NO PROBLEM. THEY'RE
GONNA CALL BACK AND CONFIRM IT.

I WAS ABLE TO EXCHANGE
THE BEACH THINGS.

IT CAME OUT EVEN. YOU LIKE?

HEY, YEAH, I DO LIKE.

OF COURSE, IT LEAVES A LITTLE MORE
TO THE IMAGINATION THAN THE BIKINI.

BUT WITH AN IMAGINATION
LIKE MINE, I COME OUT AHEAD.

YOUR IMAGINATION MAY BE GOOD, BUT
YOUR AIM LEAVES A LOT TO BE DESIRED.

OH, YEAH? PREPARE
FOR A DIRECT HIT.

[telephone ringing] OH, YOUR TARGET
WILL BE BACK IN JUST A MINUTE.

HELLO.

OH, YES, HE IS.

JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE, PLEASE.

IT'S THE SKI LODGE.

HEY, GOOD.

HELLO. YES, IT IS.

ASK FOR... ASK FOR
AN OUTSIDE ROOM.

YES, I SEE.

OH, ARE YOU SURE?

[whispering] MIKE.

I SEE.

YEAH, WELL, NO. BUT, UH,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR
AN OUTSIDE ROOM.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO. WE GOT ONE.

WAY OUTSIDE. OUTSIDE THE LODGE.

WHAT HAPPENED? THEY'RE OVERBOOKED
FOR THE WEEKEND OF THE 8TH.

HE CALLED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR THE MISTAKE.

OH, NO! THERE GOES
OUR FIRST LONG WEEKEND.

WELL, NOW, HONEY, THERE'S
GOT TO BE A WAY WE CAN GET IN.

DON'T GIVE UP THE SHIP.

OK, JOHN PAUL,
WHERE ARE WE GOING?

GOT AN IDEA.

WE DIDN'T GO TO THE BEACH.

WE DIDN'T GO TO THE MOUNTAINS.

LET'S GO SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.

JAN? OH, NOT NOW.

I'VE GOT TO FINISH MY MOST
POPULAR GIRL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.

I GIVE IT ON SENIOR NIGHT.

WELL, ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS, WHO'S
YOUR DATE FOR THE DANCE AFTERWARDS?

WELL, THE MOST POPULAR
BOY, NATURALLY. BILLY GARST.

YOU DIDN'T SAY HE ASKED YOU.

OH, WELL, HE HASN'T
YET, BUT HE WILL.

WHO ELSE WOULD HE TAKE
BUT THE MOST POPULAR GIRL?

HMM. I GUESS.

LISTEN, AFTER YOU'RE THROUGH,
YOU SAID YOU'D FINISH UP

MY WASHING AND IRONING TONIGHT.

I NEED IT FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW.

OH, MARCIA, I'VE GOT A
MILLION THINGS TO DO TONIGHT.

BUT, JAN, YOU PROMISED.

I'M REALLY BUSY. I'VE
MADE ALL SORTS OF PLANS.

WELL, I MADE PLANS, TOO,
BECAUSE YOU MADE THAT PROMISE.

NOT TONIGHT. SOME OTHER TIME.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER?

OH, SHE'S JUST UPSET
BECAUSE I WON'T LET HER USE ME.

[siren wailing on T.V.]

[T.V. switching off]
DO YOU MIND?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A BROKEN
ARM? WE WANNA WATCH T.V.

NOT NOW. I HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT SPEECH TO WRITE.

YEAH, NOT TO MENTION THE BOOK REPORT
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WRITE.

CINDY, I'D ALREADY TOLD YOU. THERE'S
JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR EVERYTHING.

INSTEAD OF VOTING
HER THE MOST POPULAR,

THEY SHOULD HAVE VOTED
HER THE MOST OBNOXIOUS.

I'M NEVER GONNA GET
ANY WORK DONE IN HERE.

TURN AROUND REAL SLOW, PARTNER.

AND DON'T MAKE A
MOVE FOR YOUR GUN.

HO, HO, HO!

[chuckling] WOW. YOU COULD
RIDE MY RANGE ANYTIME.

YOU COULD BE THE
DUDE OF THE DUDE RANCH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR?

WELL, MY OLD COWBOY BOOTS.

[imitating a cowboy] WELL, YA
BETTER WEAR SOMETHIN' ELSE

OR YOU'RE GONNA GET ARRESTED.

NOT TO MENTION SUNBURNED. YEAH.

OH, I HOPE NOTHING
HAPPENS TO OUR RESERVATION.

NO WAY. WE ARE
CONFIRMED FOR THE 8TH.

YOU'RE A GENIUS. MMM-HMM.

MOM, DAD, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

SURE, HONEY.

I'VE JUST ABOUT FINISHED MY ACCEPTANCE
SPEECH. DO YOU WANNA HEAR IT?

YEAH. MMM-HMM, OK.

(Mike) FIRE AWAY.

"FACULTY, PARENTS, HONORED
GUESTS, FELLOW STUDENTS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
BOYS AND GIRLS..."

JAN, I THINK THAT COVERS
JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.

"I'M VERY HONORED TO HAVE
BEEN ELECTED MOST POPULAR GIRL.

"IT'S REALLY A GREAT HONOR

"BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT
OTHER STUDENTS BELIEVE

"I HAVE MORE CHARM
AND PERSONALITY

THAN ANY OTHER
GIRL IN THE CLASS."

YOU SURE YOU WANNA BE SO HUMBLE?

WELL, WHY DO I HAVE
TO BE SO HUMBLE?

I WON, DIDN'T I? SO I
MUST HAVE DESERVED TO.

YOU DESERVE TO BE GRATEFUL.

JAN, THAT SPEECH SOUNDS LIKE
NOTHING MORE THAN AN EGO TRIP.

WELL, I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, IS THERE?

JAN, I'M AFRAID YOU
MISSED THE POINT.

AND I'LL TELL YOU, I WOULDN'T WANNA
GET UP IN FRONT OF MY CLASSMATES

AND DELIVER A SPEECH LIKE THAT.

BUT YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH
TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND.

[sighing] JAN.

I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT THEN
IN READING YOU THE REST OF IT.

YOU WILL BE THERE AT THE
AWARD PRESENTATION, WON'T YOU?

YES, JAN, WE'LL BE THERE.

BUT WE'RE NOT CRAZY
ABOUT THAT SPEECH.

I SURE WISH YOU'D THINK
ABOUT IT A LITTLE MORE.

OH, BY THE WAY, THEY
CHANGED IT TO FRIDAY.

THE 8TH? YES.

TELL ME SHE DIDN'T
SAY FRIDAY THE 8TH.

SHE DIDN'T SAY FRIDAY THE 8TH.

THANK YOU. BUT SHE DID.

HELLO, DUDE RANCH?

MARCIA?

WHAT?

DO YOU THINK THIS DRESS
IS OK FOR MY SENIOR NIGHT?

WELL, IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT
CREEPS ARE WEARING THIS SEASON.

I'M NOT A CREEP.

I AGREE WITH JAN.
SHE'S NOT A CREEP.

(Jan) THANK YOU.

YOU'RE A SUPER CREEP!

[laughing]

AND WHAT'S BUGGING YOU?

DO YOU KNOW WHO KATHY WILLIAMS IS
GOING TO THE SENIOR NIGHT DANCE WITH?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID WITH YOU.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, TOO.

BUT SHE JUST CALLED AND
SAID SHE WASN'T GONNA BE SEEN

WITH THE BROTHER
OF A JERKY SISTER,

WHO'S THE MOST
UNPOPULAR GIRL IN SCHOOL.

WELL, IF SHE SAID THAT, SHE
DOESN'T DESERVE TO HAVE A DATE.

OH, SHE DOES HAVE A DATE.

SHE'S GOING WITH BILLY GARST,
THE MOST POPULAR BOY IN SCHOOL.

BILLY GARST?

YEAH, WHO ALSO WOULDN'T
WANNA BE SEEN WITH YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING WITH BILLY GARST.

SO DID I.

THE MOST POPULAR BOY ALWAYS
TAKES THE MOST POPULAR GIRL.

IT'S A TRADITION.

CONGRATULATIONS, JAN.

YOU'VE JUST GIVEN THE
WORD POPULAR A NEW MEANING.

I THOUGHT THAT WINNING
WOULD BE THE GREATEST,

BUT EVERYBODY SEEMS
TO HAVE CHANGED.

MAYBE IT'S YOU WHO'VE CHANGED.

I'M STILL THE SAME.

ARE YOU SURE, JAN?

YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS SEEM TO THINK
YOU'VE LET YOUR SUCCESS GO TO YOUR HEAD.

THEY ALSO THINK
THEY'VE BEEN HAD.

YOU PROMISED THEM EVERYTHING
IN THE WORLD FOR GETTING ELECTED,

AND YOU GAVE NOTHING IN RETURN.

MY INTENTIONS WERE GOOD.

INTENTIONS ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

SUDDENLY, I FEEL ABOUT
AS POPULAR AS THE MEASLES.

WELL, THE QUESTION IS, JAN,

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

WELL, I KNOW WHAT
I'M NOT GONNA DO.

I'M NOT GONNA GO TO SENIOR
NIGHT AND FACE ALL THAT HOSTILITY.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE BEACH.

WE ARE NOT GOING
TO THE MOUNTAINS.

WE ARE NOT GOING
TO THE DUDE RANCH

BECAUSE WE CANCELED
THE RESERVATIONS.

WE ARE GOING TO JAN'S SENIOR
NIGHT WHERE JAN WON'T BE?

YUP, THAT JUST ABOUT
COVERS EVERYTHING.

[cutlery clinking]

[dishes clattering]

WELL, HOW ABOUT DESSERT?

I'VE GOT THE HIGH CAL,
LOW CAL, AND NO CAL.

ANYBODY FOR ANY CAL?

(Greg) NONE FOR
ME, ALICE, THANKS.

(Marcia) NO, THANK YOU, ALICE.

MAY I BE EXCUSED, PLEASE? YEAH.

OH, WOULD YOU ALL WAIT A MINUTE?

I'VE GOT SOMETHING I'D LIKE
TO SAY, PLEASE. IT'S IMPORTANT.

MOM, DAD,

I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO SENIOR
NIGHT AND GIVE MY SPEECH AFTER ALL.

OH, JAN, HONEY, YOU KNOW HOW
WE ALL FEEL ABOUT THAT SPEECH.

OH, WELL, IT'S NOT THAT SPEECH.

IT'S A DIFFERENT ONE
THAT I JUST WROTE,

AND I'D LIKE YOU ALL TO HEAR
IT BECAUSE IT CONCERNS YOU.

"DEAR FRIENDS,

"THANK YOU FOR
GIVING ME THIS HONOR.

"BUT EVEN MORE
IMPORTANT THAN WINNING

"WAS A LESSON I'VE LEARNED.

"IT HAS TO DO WITH
BEING GRATEFUL

"AND GIVING AND RECEIVING.

"WELL, I'M VERY GRATEFUL I'VE RECEIVED
AND NOW I'M GONNA START GIVING.

"IN A CAMPAIGN, MAKING PROMISES
JUST TO GET ELECTED IS WRONG.

"AND IF IT TAKES ME
THE REST OF MY LIFE,

I'M GONNA KEEP EVERY
PROMISE I MADE TO EVERYBODY."

WELL, THERE'S MORE, BUT
THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA.

[all applauding]
JAN, THAT'S GREAT!

JAN, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

YES, I'LL LOAN YOU THE MONEY.

NO, NOT THAT.

AFTER YOU MAKE THAT SPEECH, HOW
ABOUT BEING MY DATE AT THE DANCE?

THAT IS, IF YOU DON'T MIND SHOWING
UP WITH YOUR OWN DUMB BROTHER.

OH, PETER, I'D BE HONORED.

[glass clinking]

NOW HEAR THIS.

I HAVE A SPEECH
OF MY OWN TO GIVE.

[whistling]

FIRST OF ALL, I AM
VERY PROUD OF YOU.

2ND OF ALL, IN SPITE
OF ALL THE DELAYS

YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE GOING ON A
WEEKEND VACATION NO MATTER WHAT.

YOU'RE KIDDING. WHERE?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE, BUT I
PROMISE YOU IT'LL BE SOMEPLACE.

[laughing]

AND A BRADY NEVER GOES
BACK ON HIS PROMISE. RIGHT, JAN?

RIGHT, DAD.

NOW WHERE'S THE
DESSERT? (Greg) YEAH.

OH, UH, YES, UH, WHAT'D YOU
WANT, HIGH CAL, LOW CAL, NO CAL?

[all clamoring] (all) ANY CAL!

YOU'RE ALL BUYING.

[knocking at door]

(Alice) MR. AND MRS.
BRADY, YOU AWAKE?

BARELY, ALICE. COME IN.

GOOD MORNING.

ALICE, WHAT IN
THE WORLD IS THAT?

BREAKFAST IN BED
IS WHAT THAT IS.

WHAT'S THE OCCASION?

WELL, BECAUSE YOU HAD TO STAY IN
TOWN LAST NIGHT TO HEAR JAN'S SPEECH,

AND 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET TO GO ON YOUR
LONG WEEKEND OR TAKE YOUR 2ND HONEYMOON.

ALICE, THIS IS VERY
SWEET OF YOU.

THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL.

OF COURSE, IT WON'T BE QUITE THE SAME
AS GOING AWAY FOR YOUR 2ND HONEYMOON,

BUT MAYBE THIS'LL HELP.

I'LL HANG IT ON THE DOOR.

ALICE, WHAT WILL
THE CHILDREN THINK?

WHO DO YOU THINK
MADE UP THE SIGN?

(Alice) SORRY ABOUT THAT.