The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 4, Episode 9 - Career Fever - full transcript

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪



♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Greg, are you busy?

Just homework.

Mm, want to help me with mine?

Geometry.

Ah.

You know, I really can't see

what good this is going
to do me later in life.



Geometry sharpens the mind...

makes you think.

Huh, makes me think I'm stupid.

Let's see where you went
wrong here, dumbhead.

Hey, you got an "A" on this:

"The Importance of
Choosing a Career."

Oh. It's just an
English composition.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Dad. Hi.

What was that about
choosing a career, son?

Oh, it's just something I wrote

for English class. Oh, yeah?

"Skyscrapers are more
than the concrete blocks

"and the steel girders.

"Homes are more than
the wood and the bricks

"of which they are made.

"Modern buildings begin
with the architect's dream.

"My father is an
architect, "and as for me,

"I'd like to become one, too,

and share in that dream."

Come on, Marcia.

No, wait a minute.
I'd like to hear this.

"Architecture is
an exciting career

that grows with the
imagination of the architect."

Marcia.

I never knew

you really wanted
to be an architect.

I thought it was
just a summer job

when you worked at
the office last vacation.

Well, Dad, as a
matter of fact...

You know, I could talk to
Mr. Phillips this summer.

I'm sure he'd let you have
a job that would give you

real practical
experience. He would?

Would you like that?

Dad, the idea is
nice... Ah, good, good.

Consider it done.

Wow, you made Dad a happy man.

Yeah, isn't it awful?

Awful?

How is he going to feel

when he hears the truth?

What do you mean, the truth?

Marcia, the only
reason I wrote that stuff

is because I couldn't
think of anything else.

Now, I don't know
what I want to be...

Me? An architect?

Mmm... boy, honey,
this coffee is great.

Boy, are you in a
good mood tonight.

Yeah.

The lamb chops were great.

The salad was great.
The rolls were great.

How come you didn't say
the salt and pepper was great?

Oh! I forgot.

The salt and pepper was great.

Aw, I don't know, it may
be corny, but I'm so proud

Greg wants to
follow in my footsteps.

Well, listen, Mike,

I'm just as proud as you are.

Mom, Dad, can we talk to you?

Yeah, sure, kids. Sure.

Well, it all started

with Greg and his career.

Boy, that was the big topic

at dinner tonight, wasn't it?

Yeah, well, it started us
thinking about our careers.

After all, I'm only two
years younger than Greg.

You want to be an architect?

PETER: No, sir!

Suppose I was a better
one than you are, Dad.

I'd put you out of business.

That's what I call
real self-sacrifice.

Well, have you
decided on anything?

I'll give you a hint.

Yeah?

"Dr. Brady wanted in surgery.

Dr. Brady, report to surgery."

Well, I'll take a wild
guess... a doctor.

Right.

And I want to be a nurse.

Hmm. A doctor and a nurse.

I think that's great. Yeah.

And we're going to cure

all kinds of terrific diseases.

Boy, I feel sorry for
the germs already.

Come on. We ought to
get down my chemistry set

and start some experiments.

Yeah! See you later.

CAROL: Not like last time!

I don't want some
strange, hairy things

growing in the refrigerator!

Greg, did you
tell Dad last night?

Uh-uh, I didn't have the heart.

He's so happy about it,
I couldn't say anything.

You've got to let him know.

I know, but I've got

a better way than telling him:

I'll show him.

What do you mean?

Take a look at this.

No, it was right the other way.

It was? Yeah.

It's not quite finished yet,

but what do you think?

Well, first, tell me what it is.

That's a modern house.

Is that the driveway?

That is the moat.

( laughs): A moat?!

That's weird, really weird.

Great, that's what
it's supposed to be.

The new Greg Brady style

is supposed to be
weird, really weird.

I'd say it shows a
fantastic lack of talent.

Then that ought to do it.

When Dad sees
that, he's got to say

I don't belong in the
architect business.

At least then I don't
have to disappoint him.

That's a terrific idea.

A moat?

( chuckles)

( sighs)

Busy, Dad?

No, son. Come on in.

I made this drawing. Mm-hmm.

I thought maybe you
could tell me what you think.

Yeah, I'd be glad to.

Here, let's take a look.

What do you think?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Well, I'm thinking
several things here, uh...

Is it... Any good?

Well, I don't think it's,
uh... when you first start out,

it's really a question
of good or bad,

it's a question of...

Isn't that a great house?

A house?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

( laughs)

This looks almost like a moat.

It is.

I was trying for
something really different.

Well, I think you've
achieved that effect, all right.

Bet you've never seen
anything like it before.

( chuckles nervously)

No, never have.

Well, this is, uh... this
is very interesting, yes.

You mean you like it?

Well, in any form of
art we look for potential,

and-and this shows
some potential

and it shows an
awful lot of hard work.

It does?

Yes, yes, you-you keep
at it, and I'll hang on to this

and look it over a little
more carefully here.

Okay... thanks, Dad.

( sighs)

Ugh, poor Greg.

Yeah... well, you know,

I couldn't tell him the truth.

He's so excited about
being an architect.

Oh, but, Mike, do you think

it's right to encourage him?

Well, honey, you
know, it's his first effort.

I don't want him to
lose his confidence.

You know, maybe... maybe
if he had the proper tools,

if I gave him a drafting kit

and a book that would help him

with his perspective...

Oh, boy, does he need
perspective... whoo.

Hi, Alice.

Ooh, where'd you
get all those books?

From the library.

They're medical books.

Every one of them has got

pages and pages
of terrific diseases.

Oh, that sounds exciting.

A doctor's got to know

every disease in these books...

if he wants to make people well.

I'll tell you an easier
way to make them well...

Tell them how much
it'll cost to be sick.

Listen to this one:

"Pericardial tamponade."

Pericardial tamponade?!

That sure sounds
like a powerful disease.

It is.

When you get that, you have
to be rushed to the hospital

and operated on within minutes.

Fantastic! Write that one down.

Hey, listen to this one...

( haltingly): "Nasa...
pray-hagitis, acute carrotahol."

Wow, I'd hate to get that.

What is it?

A cold with a runny nose.

That's the great
thing about doctors...

They can make
anything sound awful.

How's the research
coming, Dr. Brady?

Fantastic!

So far we've got
14 fatal diseases,

seven semifatal ones,
and a whole page of things

that can put you in the
hospital for at least a year.

Ooh, that is a fun book.

Aah... ooh!

What's the matter?

Oh, just the old crick.

Oh, quick, look up "crick."

Where does it hurt? Point to it.

If I pointed to it,
I'd break my arm.

We've got to be exact, Alice.

It's about where the neck
bone connects to the backbone.

Nurse, diagram.

Here, Doctor.

PETER: Hmm... It's
too high for your liver.

Well, maybe I got my
liver in the wrong place.

What other symptoms do you have?

I'm the doctor, and
I'll ask the questions.

What other symptoms do you have?

Well, now that you
ask, sometimes I get

this tremendous
pull right there...

Write that one down.

Yeah, and then I
get a pain right here.

That one, too. And a
pain right over here.

Wow, you've got
some swell symptoms.

Do you think it's fatal, Doctor?

Hmm, I'm not sure, Alice.

But you ought to
look on the bright side.

Bright side?

Yeah, if it is fatal,
you'll never get it again.

( giggles) ( laughs)

Aah!

( whistles)

Hey, Alice!

That's me.

You know, we already
have two architects,

a doctor and a
nurse in the family.

So we figured we better hurry up

and pick out a couple
of careers for us, too.

Yeah, it'd be terrible

if we grew up and
didn't do anything.

Yeah, the first thing you know,

you'll be 12 years old

with no visible
means of support.

I'm going to be a model.

They get to wear all
those long dresses

with ostrich feathers and stuff.

I'm going to be an astronaut,

probably first man on Mars.

Probably.

BOBBY: So...

from now on, I'd better
eat what they do...

You know, all that
powdered junk.

I'll start crushing
food in the morning.

I think I'd better have

a special diet, too, Alice.

How come?

For modeling.

I have to worry about
keeping my figure.

Don't you think you'd better
wait until you've got one?

See? That's how you do it.

It looks kind of silly.

It's supposed to teach
you how to walk gracefully.

Now, come on, you try it.

Turn around. Balance it.

Stand up straight.

Go.

Models must have flat heads.

Just keep practicing.
Let's see if you can

make it all the way
through the kitchen.

That's the hardest room of all!

How come?

I have to pass that cookie jar.

( giggling): Oh, come on!

Keep it balanced.

Whoops.

Marcia?

I've made up my mind.

I'm going to have to
do something drastic.

Like what?

Tell him the truth.

I'm just gonna have
to walk right up to Dad

and say, "Dad, I don't like it,

"I'm no good at it,

and I just don't want
to be an architect."

( door opens)

Here's your chance.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Dad.

I'd better go help
in the kitchen.

( clears throat)

Dad, there's something
I want to tell you...

Yeah, as a matter of fact,
I wanted to talk to you, too.

About that drawing yesterday...

That's exactly what I
wanted to talk to you about.

You know, you've been
working under a handicap.

You remember these?
They look very fam...

Yeah, it's my old drafting kit.

I had it put away as
sort of a keepsake,

but they're yours now. Mine?

Yeah, because the
correct equipment can make

all the difference
in the work you do.

Oh, well, thanks, Da...
And I want you to use

my den and my drafting
table whenever you feel like it.

What do you say
about it? Uh... nothing...

You know, you're well on
your way to being an architect.

( chuckles) How 'bout that?

Yeah...

How 'bout that?

MIKE ( echoing):
This is the first set

I ever owned, and
they're yours now, son.

You can use my
den, my drafting table.

How 'bout that?

Yeah... how 'bout that?

( sighs)

Mom said to give you these,
but I'm not to disturb you,

'cause you're drawing
something very important.

Thanks, Cindy.

I'm not disturbing you, am I?

No, no, you're
not disturbing me.

( clears throat)

'Cause Mother told
me not to disturb you.

It's okay.

Greg? Could I ask
you one more question

without disturbing you?

W-What is it?

How come you
haven't drawn anything?

Cindy... I got certain problems.

Then I guess I better go.

I don't want to disturb you.

( sighs)

( humming to herself)

BOBBY: Hi, Alice!

Bobby?

Yeah, hi.

Where are you?

In here.

In here where?

Here!

What are you doing
in the doghouse?

It's not a doghouse right now.

It's an Apollo 57 space capsule.

I'm getting myself in
condition to be an astronaut.

You mean astromutt.

Don't tell anybody
else I'm in here.

I don't want to have any
contact with Earth people.

Right. I'll remove myself

as soon as I finish hanging
up this Earth laundry.

I've got to get used to the
loneliness of outer space.

Hmm, well, don't spend so
long in outer space that you forget

we're going to have dinner at
6:00 sharp in inner space, roger?

Roger.

( sighs)

If only Dad hadn't given me

these beautiful tools.

Now he's expecting me
to draw something terrific.

Yeah.

If you don't come up
with something now,

he's really gonna
be disappointed.

I'll say.

Hey, wait, maybe that's it.

What's it?

Well, listen, if after all this

I were to come up with
something that's even weirder...

oh, he'd have to admit
I'd starve as an architect.

Hey, right.

Think you can do worse
than your last drawing?

( chuckles)

If you think that was bad,

wait till you see this.

( laughing)

Oh, no!

Peter, the stuff
in the test tubes

hasn't turned green yet,

so I think that maybe...

What's the matter?

Jan, I've got terrible news.

What do you mean?

I've got an awful disease.

I've got... ana... anac...

Oh, it's so terrible, I
can't even pronounce it.

Are you sure you've got it?

Sure, I'm sure.

Look at the symptoms:

Shortness of breath...

Remember last week in school
when I had to run the mile?

Remember how I
couldn't stop panting?

I remember.

And this: sore finger joints.

And I thought it was
from playing baseball

without a mitt on.

You mean it isn't?

No, it's from this
terrible thing I've got

that I can't even pronounce.

Well, now that I look at you,

you are kind of pale.

Oh, that's the clincher.

"Facial discoloration...
A lack of color."

That's you, all right.

I'm cooked; I've got it.

Well, does it say

how much time you have left?

It says here about six months.

Well, isn't there
anything you can take?

If I were rich, I could take

a tour around the world.

I better break the
news to Mom and Dad.

No, it's my job.

I'll do it.

What will you say?

( sighing): I don't know.

Maybe I'll tell them to
look on the bright side.

After all, they'll still
have five kids left.

Look at that.

Greg's still in
there working away.

I know, he's been
at it all afternoon.

I've never seen him so
intense about anything.

Well, I guess it was those
drafting tools I gave him.

Can't wait to see
what he's drawn, huh?

Huh? Oh, I can wait.

Oh, sure you can.

Just like an expectant mother

in her tenth month. ( giggles)

( dejectedly): Hi.

Hi. Hi.

You have something
on your mind, Pete?

Me?

Nothing, Dad, not a thing.

Peter, are you
sure you don't have

something on your mind?

No, I... yeah.

I mean, I feel just fine.

I've never felt better
in my whole... short life.

Yeah, well, we didn't ask you

how you felt, Peter.

What do you mean, "short life"?

Oh... nothing.

Peter, are you
sure you're all right?

You're not coming down
with a cold, are you?

A cold. Ha.

All right, Peter, spill it.

You're trying to
tell us something.

Well, actually, I-I want...

I wanted to ask you something.

Shoot.

Do you have to be
21 to write a will?

A will?!

( chuckling): A will?!

Peter, what are you
worried about a will for?

Oh, I'm not worried.

It's just that, well...

for instance, that new
skateboard I just got...

I just want to make sure

it doesn't end up
in the wrong hands.

All right, Peter,
what's this all about?

The truth, now.

( sighs)

It's all here.

Page 95... the
paragraph on the bottom.

Brace yourself, Mom... Dad...

it's not going to be easy.

You mean this?

Anacardiaceae?

So that's how you pronounce it!

Yeah, what about it?

It's fatal, and I've got it.

What do you mean?

Read.

Hey, Peter, wait a minute.

You didn't read
this very carefully.

There are two
pages stuck together.

Huh?

You've gone from
page 95 to page 98.

You got the symptom
of one disease

and the diagnosis of another.

You mean, I haven't
got the fatal one?

MIKE: Well, I doubt
that very much.

Here, the fatal one...

"can only be contracted

"through the bite
of the bandicoot

"or a hyena after having eaten

"the bark of certain trees

in India and South Africa."

Have you been to India
or South Africa lately?

Gee, then what have I got?

Hmm, well, let's see.

"If you're suffering
from anacardiaceae,

that is the scientific
name for poison ivy."

Poison ivy!

That's all it is.

You'll itch, but
you'll live. ( chuckles)

Thanks, I better
go tell my nurse.

( knocking at door)

GREG: Can I come in?

Yeah, Greg. Sure.

Come on in.

Hi.

Well, here it is.

( chuckles)

And Dad, those tools you gave me

really made the difference.

Let's take a look here.

Well...

Yeah...

GREG: Well?

Well... Hmm... CAROL: Yeah.

You hate it.

No, no, no, no... Not at all.

Not at all. No.

Not at all.

MIKE: Uh... You mean,
you think it's good?

Well, I think it shows
tremendous effort.

"Tremendous effort."

He said it showed
"tremendous effort."

I can't believe it!

Greg, you've got no choice.

No matter how much it hurts Dad,

you've got to tell him.

He's hopeless as
an architect, isn't he?

Honey, let's face it.

What we have here
is Frank Lloyd Wrong.

Well, you know, I think you
ought to tell him the truth,

no matter how much it hurts.

( knocking at door)

GREG: Can I come in again?

Sure, come on in, Greg.

There's something I gotta tell...
Greg, I'm glad you came ba...

Greg? Dad, l...

Listen, you've got to
understand that... I hope you don't

take this wrong...
Dad, let me say this.

I just don't want
to be an architect,

no matter how
much you'd like it.

I'm sorry, but
that's the way it is.

You don't?

No.

Greg, just because
I'm an architect

doesn't mean you
have to be an architect.

I don't? MIKE: No.

Honey, your father and I want
you to be what you want to be.

Oh... what a relief!

( chuckles)

Yeah, it is.

Dad, I should have leveled
with you in the first place.

Well, I guess I should have
leveled with you, too, son. Uh...

The drawings you
made were-were pretty...

Bad. Bad.

Gee, that's funny. I don't
think they were bad at all.

I think they're the worst things

I have ever seen in my life.

( laughs)

( door opens and closes)

CINDY: Oh, good!

You didn't go shopping yet!

Yeah, you want to add
something else to the list?

We sure do!

Okay, shoot.

Marshmallows,
doughnuts, pretzels...

And caramel corn,
peanuts, popcorn,

a bottle of cherries,
some potato chips...

And some of those
little... ( whistles)

Wait a minute.

How do you expect
to eat all of that

and still be an
astronaut and a model?

Oh, we're through with all that.

We've decided to have
more sensible careers.

Oh? Like what?

I'm going to be a
professional football player,

so I have to be real heavy.

Hmm. And you?

I'm going to be a lady wrestler.

Chocolate pudding...

Uh, vanilla and
strawberry ice cream...

Yeah, and some
butterscotch topping...

and-and pumpkin pie! Splendid!

Now, what would
you like for dessert?

( laughs)