The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 2, Episode 14 - Where There's Smoke - full transcript

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪



♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hey, hi, you guys.

Hey, Greg, come here.

Tommy says you
play a little guitar.

Yeah, I play a little.

Yeah, Johnny, Phil and
I got a group together.



The Banana Convention.

Sure, I heard all
about you guys.

Uh, we got a date
to play this dance

over at Steven Decatur High
School on Saturday night.

It's going to be

a really big show, really big.

Yeah, man, we need
an extra guitar for the gig.

You available?

To play?

Oh, sure, I'm available.

Course, we'll
have to get together

for a couple of sessions.

Great. Only my amplifier
needs a little work.

Uh, Tommy...

Hey, man, they're
just plain cigarettes.

Yeah, sure.

Think you can get your
amp ready by Saturday night?

Oh, sure.

Gee, I hope so.

Then it's a deal, you guys.

You guys play hard rock, right?

Yeah, most of the time. Yeah.

But we mix it up with a
few slow ballads, you know.

Ah.

She's always trying
to make a joke out of it

when she goofs off.

You know?

Greg's smoking.

She's coming up the stairs!

Now, Cindy, let me tell her.

Hi.

Hi, Marcia.

Um, can we talk about
something important?

Something real bad.

Cindy!

I didn't even mention Greg.

What about Greg?

He was smoking.

Cindy, that's the last
time I'll ever trust you.

Are you sure about Greg?

Smoking?

Cindy and I saw him.

He was standing in the
park with three other boys

and he was smoking.

You're sure it didn't just
look like he was smoking?

No.

He was smoking.

With a real cigarette.

What you're telling
me is very serious.

Now tell me exactly
what you saw.

Well, he was standing there

and he had a
cigarette in his hand

and then he put it in his mouth.

And then?

And he coughed a lot.

Then he was smoking, all right.

Should we tell Mom and Dad?

Yeah, let's go.

Wait a minute.

Don't either of you tell anyone.

Don't say a thing until I
figure out what we should do.

♪ Clowns never laughed before ♪

♪ And beanstalks never grew ♪

♪ Ponies never ran before ♪

♪ Till I met you ♪

♪ Surf never broke before ♪

♪ And artists never drew ♪

♪ Snow never fell before ♪

♪ Till I met you ♪

♪ My dream came true ♪

♪ My dream came true ♪

♪ The world spins,
my life begins ♪

♪ Cause I met you ♪

♪ Phones never rang before ♪

♪ Wise men never knew ♪

♪ No one ever loved before ♪

♪ Till I met you ♪

♪ Clowns never laughed before ♪

♪ And beanstalks never grew ♪

♪ Ponies never ran before ♪

♪ Till I met you ♪

♪ Surf never broke before ♪

Hi, honey.

Shh, shh.

♪ And artists never drew ♪
First a kiss and then a "shh."

♪ Snow never fell before ♪
Hey, he's got a pretty good voice.

♪ Till I met you ♪ Yeah, just
shows that talent is inherited.

Hmm, must have gotten it
from my side of the family.

Oh!

I'm going to go up and change.

Yup, that's your
side of the family.

Sounds like he caught his
fingers between the strings.

Hey, hey, what's
going on in here?

He's been pestering
me for an hour

so I let him try it...

And now I got my fingers caught

between the strings.

It sounds like it.

Wow, I may never play again.

Hey, Dad, can I speak
to you for a minute?

Yeah, I guess so.

This is private, okay, guys?

Okay.

What do you mean, "private"?

I mean you get out.

Come on, Greg!

Just a little while longer?

Good-bye.

Sounds important.

Is it?

Yes, it is.

You ever heard of the
Banana Convention?

Banana Convention?

Is that the famous
meeting in Panama

in 18-whatever-it-was?

No, it's a rock group.

A rock group?

Yeah, some guys at
school... They're really heavy.

That doesn't mean that
they're overweight, huh?

Right. They want
me to play a gig

with them Saturday night.
At Steven Decatur high.

Isn't that a gas?

Yeah, that's a gas.

Uh, listen, Greg, this gig...

Is it for the real
thing, for money?

For bread?

Well, we'll get paid something.

I'm not sure how much.

Okay. As far as I'm
concerned, it's all right.

I'll have to check
with your mother.

Great, Dad. Oh, by the
way, can I have an advance

on my allowance?

I have to have a little
work done on my amplifier.

Well, I guess I might
extend you a loan

in view of your future earnings.

Fine, only... Only what?

How much interest
will I have to pay?

I'm your father, Greg.

I'm not gonna
charge you interest.

Well, I'm Peter's brother,
and I charge him 25%.

25%! Ooh... That's
against the law.

You know that, and I know that,

but till Peter finds out...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

Well, I think with us, it's going
to be an interest-free loan.

It's a deal.

Dinner won't be ready
till the biscuits rise.

I don't think I'm very hungry.

Something on your mind?

Uh-huh.

Can I help... just girl to girl?

Well, it's not
exactly my problem.

I mean, well, it's sort
of my friend's problem.

Oh, well, those are the,
uh, toughest kind to solve.

This one's a real beauty.

Why don't you give me a hint?

Maybe I could, you know,
help this friend of yours.

Well, this friend,
she has a brother

and she's sort of close to him.

So far, it's not a problem.

Well, she has it from an
absolutely reliable source

that her brother did
something wrong.

Now, if she tells on him,

is it... is it snitching?

Hmm. Well, there's a
simple way to solve that.

There is?

Yeah. If she tells,
is she helping him

out of trouble or into trouble?

Oh, out. Definitely out.

Then my advice is

tell your friend it
is not snitching.

Oh, thanks, Alice.

Honey, if it's so
important, just say it.

Honest, Dad, I want to tell you,

only it's not that easy.

Well, is it something you did?

If it was that, I'd
tell you in a second.

Well, then, is it something
someone else did?

Yes.

Something that Greg did.

Oh, I get it.

You don't want to squeal
on your brother, right?

Well, if I tell, will you
promise not to punish him?

Now, Marcia, that
wouldn't be fair

to Greg or to us.

I guess not.

Look, Marcia, we know
you wouldn't be here

unless you thought he was
making a very bad mistake

or he was hurting someone.

Himself... That's
who he was hurting.

Well, in that case, I definitely
think you should tell us.

This afternoon after school,
Greg was smoking a cigarette.

I knew I shouldn't
have told you.

Honey, listen,

you did the right
thing in telling us.

Well, if I'm so right... how
come I feel so terrible?

Is it true, Greg?

Yeah, I guess it is.

But it was the first
time I ever smoked.

I only took a few puffs.

I didn't even like it.

That doesn't make it any better.

I-I really didn't even
want the cigarette.

I just wanted to go along...

Be one of the guys.

Listen, you can't do something

that you know is wrong
just to go along with the guys.

It's stupid.

Yeah, it's not a
very good excuse.

I'm afraid it's no excuse.

Well, look... we don't
want you to smoke.

Eventually, you'll have to
make your own decision.

I hope it's the right
one. But for now...

I've blown the chance

to play at the dance and
get that loan to fix my amp.

No, I gave you my word on that

and I intend to keep it.

Well, I must have some
punishment coming.

Look, Greg, if you know
what you did wrong,

I mean, that's more important

than any punishment
we could think up.

I do, Mom, I really do.

Well, after all,

when I was young, I smoked.

Yes, honey, but we didn't have

all the evidence that we do now.

You're right, Mom.

I promise.

No more smoking.

I didn't think about it.

I guess I really
did a dumb thing.

Well, we all do dumb things.

I've done a lot of dumb things.

I really have.

Well, you won't get
an argument from me.

Well, the trouble is, Alice,
until some things hit home,

you just never do
anything about them.

Ain't it the truth?

Mrs. Johnson has been
after me for a month

to join her
anti-smoking committee.

So, I guess now is
as good a time as any.

Hello? Mrs. Johnson?

This is Carol Brady.

Listen, could you still use
some help on that committee?

We certainly can.

We still have a big
smoking problem

in high school.

Well, you can count me in.

When are your meetings?

Friday afternoons.

Oh, but this Friday
we had to cancel.

Oh?

It was going to be at
Cynthia Heller's house,

but Cynthia came
down with the flu.

Well, look, Mrs. Johnson,

if you need a place to
meet, why not my house?

Oh, that would
be wonderful. I'll...

Excuse me just a second.

Tommy, would you please
wait until I'm off the phone?

I'm sorry, my son
was practicing.

Oh, that's okay.

Greg told me he's
joining Tommy's group.

He says they're far
out and really heavy.

My son says they really
know where their heads are at.

Well, right on, man.

I'll see you Friday.

Oh, maybe I should drop by and
leave you some reading material

and some pamphlets.

Tomorrow afternoon okay?

Fine.

Bye, now.

Will tea and cakes be
enough for your meeting?

Sure, Alice, that'll be fine.

Mrs. Brady, those women on
the anti-smoking committee?

Tell them I'll be watching.

Watching?

If I find one dirty ashtray...

♪ Clowns never laughed before ♪

♪ And beanstalks never grew ♪

♪ Ponies never ran before ♪

Greg?

Oh, hi.

♪ Till I met you ♪
Can we talk?

Sure.

Come on in.

Is, uh, something wrong?

I did a terrible thing.

Well, if you did it, it
can't be all that bad.

You'll think it was just awful.

Well, no matter what I think,
you can count on me to help.

That only makes me feel worse.

See, this terrible
thing I did...

I did to you.

Well, then how come
I don't know about it?

You know about it, all right.

I snitched to the folks
about your smoking.

Thanks a lot, Marcia.

You'll probably never
want to talk to me again.

Hey, hey, hold it.

Then you're not mad?

Well, sure I'm mad.

But not so much
about the snitching.

Why didn't you come to me first?

Well, you would have just
said to mind my own business.

Yep, that's what I'd
have said, all right.

I only did it because

I thought it was
for your own good.

I know.

Did the folks punish you bad?

No. No, they didn't
punish me at all.

They didn't?

Well, don't sound
so disappointed.

Boy, if I'd been in their place,

I would have
given it to you good.

I guess it's lucky I
was born when I was.

What do you mean?

Well, if I'd been
born any later,

you could've been my
mother instead of my sister.

Well, I'll certainly read

all these pamphlets,
Mrs. Johnson.

And maybe you could help us

think up a new campaign angle.

Straight lectures
really turn these kids off.

Oh, I'll bet.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, hi, Greg.

Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

Hello, Greg. Have you by
any chance seen my son?

Yeah, I left Tommy
about ten minutes ago.

He said he was on his way home.

Oh, good. I have to
take him to the dentist.

Oh, dear.

Greg, the chair is to sit on.

And the jacket
goes in the closet.

Right.

Greg.

Well, Greg?

Mom, they're not mine.

They fell out of
your pocket, Greg.

Yes, ma'am.

Were you keeping
them for someone else?

No.

Well, then how
did they get there?

I don't know.

But they're not
mine, honest, Mom.

All right, Greg.

If you say so.

Mrs. Brady, I can understand

your wanting to
believe your own son...

Well, he said they weren't his.

If parents refuse
to open their eyes,

you are doing exactly
what our committee

is trying to prevent.

Mrs. Johnson, maybe...

maybe I'm the wrong
person for your committee.

You know I want
to work with you.

But if you cannot accept
the fact that your own son...

Mrs. Johnson, I told
you, they're not mine.

That's what he said.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Brady.

I really am.

Do you really believe me, Mom?

Yes.

Because I'm your son,

or you think I'm
telling the truth?

Because I think
you're telling the truth.

If I was in your place,
I'm not sure I'd believe me.

Well, Greg, someday,
when you're a parent,

maybe you'll see
things differently.

I wonder if Dad will believe me.

Yes, I believe you.

Okay, Dad, thanks.

Greg, wait a minute.

Okay, what's bugging you?

How those cigarettes got there.

Yeah, well, that
isn't all, is it?

Nope.

Well, we got a
rule in this family:

Lay it on the table.

That's right.

All right, look, I get caught

with something
that looks pretty bad,

and neither you or
Mom thinks I'm guilty.

Well, so?

So how can you be so sure?

Greg, from time to
time you've done things

that I haven't liked very much

but so far, you
haven't lied to me.

No, sir, I never have.

Well, I don't see any reason
to think this is the first time.

I'll admit, I can't
quite figure out

how that pack
got in your pocket.

Neither can I.

I'm going to prove

you and Mom were
right for trusting me.

I'm going to find out

how those cigarettes got there.

Hey, Greg.

Greg!

Wait a minute.

I think I got it
all figured out...

About the cigarettes.

Yeah?

Do you have any enemies?

Enemies? Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

Everybody's got enemies.

That's it! They're
trying to rub you out.

Rub me out?

Oh, come on.

That's dumb.

I mean get you kicked
off the basketball team.

I'm not on the basketball team.

Oh.

There's got to
be an explanation.

I've been thinking
about this so hard

my head's about to pop.

There's got to be an explanation

how they got there.

Yeah, Cindy?

Maybe it was magic!

Magic.

I've got it! I've got it!

What?

The pack of cigarettes...

Did you look inside?

No, why?

I bet it had a
secret microfilm in it.

They always have it
in all the spy movies.

Sounded good to me, Pete.

I just don't get
it. I'll bet I was up

half the night
trying to figure out

how those cigarettes
got in my pocket.

Well, if you ask me, you're
going about this the wrong way.

I am?

Yup. What you got to do

is try to reconstruct the crime.

Yeah?

Yeah, it's the only way.

I watch a lot of television.

Okay, reconstruct the crime.

Okay, now, let's
start with the first thing

you did that day.

I rode my bike to school.

Uh-huh. Put my
jacket in my locker

and went to all my classes.

Did you loan your
locker key to anybody?

No.

Does anybody else
have a key to your locker?

The boys' vice principal
has a master key.

Well, we'll give him
the benefit of the doubt.

What'd you do after school?

Went to practice with
the group for the dance.

Ah! Now we're getting someplace.

Alice, there was no one
there but the guys in the group.

They wouldn't do that to me.

Okay, so after practice,

you stopped by
the malt shop, right?

Right.

Okay, you hung up your
jacket, you got yourself...

Oh, forget that.

Huh?

You never hang up anything.

It's no use, Alice.

All the evidence points to me.

Even if I'm not guilty.

Well, sometimes evidence
just looks like real evidence

when it's really circumstantial.

Or partially circumstantial

and thereby being
unsupported or hearsay.

What does that mean?

I don't know, but it
saved some guy's life

last night on TV.

Thanks, anyway.

I guess I'll go to my room.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hang up your jacket.

On second thought,
don't hang it up.

Why not?

It's not your jacket.

What do you mean?

You ripped the lining

on the handlebars last month.

I remember it. I sewed it up.

This one's never been mended.

So whoever's this jacket
is, the cigarettes are his, too.

Alice, you're a genius!

Well, genius, no.

Chief of detectives, maybe.

Thanks, Alice. I'll get it.

Hi, Greg.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

Oh, there it is.

I got yours by mistake.

This one's yours?

Yeah, I found a
test paper of yours

in the pocket here,

and so I knew it was yours.

Guess what I found in yours?

What's that?

A pack of cigarettes.

Oh, wow.

I'm sure glad my
Mom didn't find out.

My Mom did.

Oh. Well, listen my
mother's out in the car

waiting for me.

Uh, let me have my jacket now

and, hey, we'll
straighten this out later.

No, we'll straighten it out now.

Mom, Dad!

Hey, look, all I
want is my jacket.

Yeah, well, not until
you tell my parents.

Tell them what?

The cigarettes are
yours and not mine.

Oh, hi, Tommy.

Hello, Tommy, how are you?

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

Well, tell them.

Tell us? Tell us what?

Uh, the cigarettes
weren't Greg's.

They're mine.

Our jackets got mixed up.

Well, that explains a lot.

Mr. and Mrs. Brady,

do we have to tell
my mother about this?

Well, Tommy, what do you think?

If you knew how mad she'd get,

you'd sure try to think
of something else.

Well, do you think
that's fair to Greg?

No, but my mom can't punish him.

I don't want to get
Tommy into trouble.

Couldn't we just
forget about it?

Do you think we
should forget about it?

Hello, Mr. and Mrs.
Brady. I just came in to see

what was keeping Tommy so long.

We've got to pick up
Mr. Johnson at the airport.

Now, just a minute, Mom.

Listen, if your
father has to wait,

he will be very upset.

I'm afraid he's going to
be very upset anyway.

The cigarettes were mine.

Cigarettes? What cigarettes?

The ones you
thought were Greg's.

See, we switched
jackets by mistake.

Oh, I see.

I certainly owe Greg an apology.

I'm really very sorry.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, if I were waiting
in a crowded airport...

Mrs. Johnson, uh,
how about next Friday?

Yes.

Next Friday.

Mom, can we talk about
this before we pick up Dad?

I expect we'll talk about it

before and after we
pick up your father.

Now come along, Tommy.

Good luck, Tommy.

Yeah, I'm sure going
to need it. See ya.

I'm sure glad that's over.

I'm going to go tell Marcia.

Not yet.

What's wrong?

Looks like you're
back in trouble.

What did I do now?

Hang it up.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing. I just wanted
to make sure it was mine.

Come in.

I'm home.

Hi, honey. How did your group do

at the dance tonight?

It was kind of a kicky blast.

The guys really got
it together and wailed

and bent the gig out of shape.

Good night.

Good night.

"Got it all together
and really wailed"?

How about that?

"Really bent the
gig out of shape."

I wonder if that's good or bad.

Search me.

It's funny, kids have a
language all their own.

Yeah.

So do we.

We do?

Mm-hmm. I'll show you.

Ours.

Listen, I hear you talking

and I dig what
you're saying, man.