The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Impractical Joker - full transcript

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪



♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

The ironing's all put away,

and I fixed the knees
on Greg's blue jeans.



Alice, your day off
started hours ago.

Oh, I just put a
patch on the patch.

You'll all have
to struggle along

without me until tomorrow.

Give our best to your aunt.

I will.

Alice, what happened?

Oh, no. My new coat.

It's ruined!

It's ink.

Well, Jan, I don't think

this is anything to laugh about.

It's only a plastic ink spot.

Oh, thank goodness.

Jan, you and your jokes.

Didn't you think it
was funny, Alice?

Oh, sure, sure.

Lucky I've got a strong heart.

Good-bye, all.

Good-bye, Alice.

Have a nice day.

Bye.

Jan, that just shows
how immature you are.

Oh, really?

What is the matter?

A spider!

What's so funny?

You are.

It's a fake.

Plastic.

This came in my
box of jokes, too.

I wasn't scared.

I'll bet.

Jan, now stop that.

Listen, Jan, everybody
likes a good gag,

but some practical
jokes just aren't funny.

One day, you'll cause
someone some trouble...

Real trouble.

How come they let
you bring him home?

He's my science project.

I have to teach him to
run that maze by Monday.

What do you call him?

Muridae mus musculus.

He looks just like
a mouse to me.

That's his scientific
name, dummy.

His real name is Myron.

Can I hold Myron?

Please, Greg, just for
a couple of minutes.

Sure.

Be careful.

Okay. Be right back.

Guess who Greg's got
helping him in science.

Who?

Myron!

Jan!

Mom!

What is the matter?

Look. Jan's up
to her tricks again,

and this one's alive.

Jan, this time
you've gone too far.

Now, where did you
get that... that thing?

It's not a thing, Mom.

It's a muridae mus musculus.

It's icky.

We won't live with
that in this house!

No, get it out!

Make him, Mom.

Look, Greg, I'm with them.

You can't keep your
muridae m... m...

whatever thing around here.

I'm sorry.

I like Myron.

You're weird.

See? Tiger doesn't
like him either.

Now, there's an
intelligent animal.

Myron is harmless, Mom, really.

And he's cute.

Ugly!

Make him take it away.

I don't want to seem unfair

even to mice, but...
What's the trouble?

It's him... my science
project over the weekend.

I have to train him.

Oh, and you girls are

making a little
fuss. Is that it?

Not a little. A lot.

That's not fair to Greg, is it?

Well, what about us girls?

I remember about
14 girls in this house

for a slumber party,

and that wasn't
easy on the boys.

That's right, girls.

How about a compromise here?

Let him keep his
mouse and his project

out in the garage.

In the garage?

Well, that sounds
like a pretty good idea.

What do you say, girls?

Is it a deal?

Thanks.

See how a little thing
makes a boy happy?

Well, I wish the little thing

didn't have beady
eyes and a long tail.

Okay, Greg, stick in the cheese.

Yeah. Now, you ready?

Just a minute.

Okay, get him set

so he knows which
way to go and...

they're at the gate... go!

Go, Myron.

Come on, Myron.

Come on, boy.

He's lost interest.

Go, Myron.

Go, Myron. Go, fella.

Come on, Myron.
Go! You can do it.

There's the door. Take a left.

He's not doing so well.

I wonder if it's because
he's not so intelligent.

Greg, I think it's because
he's not too hungry.

Tomorrow, I won't let Peter
and Bobby feed him so much.

Maybe we'll have more luck.

Oh, I won't be able
to help you tomorrow.

I've got to go

to one of those Saturday
breakfast meetings.

I'll help you, Greg.

Okay.

Don't forget to
turn out the lights.

Gotcha. Good night, Dad.

It's mean of Marcia and Cindy

to make you keep
him out here all night.

It's okay, Jan.

He'll be perfectly
safe out here.

Let's go.

Good night, Myron.

Good night, Myron.

Hey!

What's the matter?

It's the middle of the night.

I just remembered the
neighbor's cat, Guinevere.

Hey, yeah.

Myron's out in the garage.

She could get to him.

And that's her favorite meal.

Myron's a goner.

He's okay.

Yeah, okay.

Don't worry, Myron.

We're going to take
you right up to our room.

But Dad says you have to
keep him out of the house.

He didn't mean to leave him

out here to be eaten.

I guess not.

Okay.

I'm sure not going to get him
up in the middle of the night

just to remind him of Guinevere.

Me, neither.

We'll just keep Myron
in our room tonight,

and take him out in the morning

before anybody wakes up.

Sure. Myron will be safe
then because we'll be with him.

You guys think of everything.

Just don't make any noise

and wake anybody up.

Shh!

Hey!

What's the matter?

Myron's gone!

Are you kidding?

Gee, he is!

How could he have
gotten out of there?

Maybe he watched how
you opened the cage.

We've got to find him

before Mom and Dad find out.

Suit up, quick.

Yeah, suit up, quick.

I bet Tom Tannenbaum
could find him.

Who's Tom Tannenbaum?

He's in my class.

He always wins

when we have Easter egg hunts.

What you looking for?

I don't think it's up here.

Let's look downstairs.

Yeah, I bet he's downstairs.

It's downstairs.

Yeah, it's.

Well, if there's
one thing I love,

it's giving up a dreary
Saturday morning golf game

for an invigorating
business meeting.

I promised Marge I'd go downtown

and do some shopping with her.

There's a sale.

How do think these
go with my outfit?

Well... Oh, they don't.

Well...

How about these?
Think they're better?

Well...

Oh, but I don't think
they go with this bag.

Let me see...

No, I think the straw one
would go better, don't you?

Well... You're absolutely right.

Hmm...

Oh, but then I'll have
to change my belt.

No, I think I'll just
use this one, huh?

Oh, hi.

Hey, hi, Alice.

Where's Mrs. Brady?

There's a big sale on downtown.

What else would get
her out of the house

at this hour?

Hey, did you enjoy your day off?

Well, I took my
aunt to the dentist,

and then to the hospital
to visit her neighbor.

Then we went home and
played mah-jongg until 10:00,

and then we went to bed.

It may not have been exciting

but, on the other
hand, it sure was dull.

You didn't miss
anything exciting

around here either.

See you later, Alice.

Bye, Mr. Brady.

What's up, fellows?

Dad!

Gee, Dad, where are
you going so early?

Yeah, it's awful early.

I have a meeting.

What are you looking for?

Looking for? Us?

Were we looking for something?

Look, if it's private and
you'd rather not talk about it,

say, "Dad, there is something
we'd rather not talk about."

Dad, there's something
we'd rather not talk about.

Okay.

Wait a minute, Dad.

The truth is, we're
looking for Myron.

Myron.

My mouse.

What would he be doing in here?

That's what we're
trying to figure out.

Yeah, he got away.

Why are you looking
for Myron in the house?

Good question.

Yes, I thought so.

What's a good answer?

I brought him inside last night.

You did that after
what you were told?

We only wanted to save
him from the neighbor's cat.

We planned to take him
out this morning. Honest.

We wouldn't wake you up

in the night to ask you.

Wasn't that nice of us?

Okay, okay, I guess
I get the picture.

Where was Myron
when you last saw him?

In his cage in our room

when we went back to sleep.

The cage is still
there... But Myron isn't.

You better find Myron
before your mother gets home,

and that's an order.

I hope we can, Dad.

You better.

I got to go.

So long.

Yeah.

We've searched upstairs

and we've searched downstairs.

The attic!

Sometimes mice go up there.

That's where I'd go
if i were a mouse.

Okay, let's look.

What's the matter?

What happened, Alice?

Oh, it's nothing.

I was getting a clean spot

up here on the ceiling,

and I almost slipped.

Golly, she even cleans ceilings.

We've got to keep
things tidy around here.

You better be careful.

Zap-it Exterminator Company?

This is the Brady residence.

You did a termite
inspection for us a while back,

and now we've got
another problem... mice.

Do you suppose you could
have somebody come out here

in the next hour?

We've got a household
full of children and women

that are scared
to death of mice...

Particularly the one
that's talking to you.

Oh, thank you. Good.

Yes, I'll be waiting...

sitting right up here.

Well, that's it, ma'am.

That's all you have to do...

Just squirt under the house?

This is powerful stuff.

He's got to be someplace.

But, gee, if he's
not in the house

or in the attic...
Maybe he's under it.

Yeah, under it.

My compliments

to the Zap-it
Exterminator Company.

You sure came fast.

We know how you ladies feel

about these things.

Bye, now.

Bye, boys.

Hey, how about some milk?

Alice?

What was that
exterminator doing here?

I just thought I'd
have him spray.

You never know
what's under a house.

Under a house?

Well, now, don't get upset.

It's nothing
terrible... Just mice.

Mice?

Well, mouse... but
I'm sure he had friends.

What did he look like?

If you insist on the
repulsive details,

he was white, about that long,

and about that... yech!

Myron. Myron.

Myron.

Myron?

He was my science project.

His name was Myron.

His name was Myron?

I'm a murderess.

Greg, I think you're
going to be mad at me

for what I'm going to say,

but it will make you very happy.

What do you mean?

Myron wasn't exterminated.

He's in a hamper
upstairs in our room.

He is?

Who put him up there?

I did.

Come on.

I'll show you.

Oh, boy! Let's go get him.

I took him out of his cage
in your room last night

just to play a joke.

Okay, okay, let's see Myron.

Okay, he's right here where I...

All I see is a big hole.

Me, too.

Oh, no... he must have
gnawed his way out.

Well, I haven't
seen such sad faces

since the last day
of summer vacation.

What's the matter?

Myron's gone.

What happened?

He's been exterminated.

Rubbed out.

Oh, Greg, I'm sorry.

When did it happen?

It doesn't matter now.

Even Tiger's sad about it.

I'm really sorry.

Hello, Alice.

Hello, Mrs. Brady.

Myron?

What happened?

Well, I did it to him.

I had no idea he was
Greg's science project,

and I called the exterminator.

I saw that little pink
nose twitching at me,

and I panicked.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

I heard about Myron.

Oh, Mom... it's all my fault.

I was playing one
of those dumb jokes.

That's how Myron
got away, and now...

Oh, honey.

I'll never do it again.

I'll never play another joke

as long as I live.

Oh, well, we know
you didn't mean it.

Shh!

Hi.

We're in mourning.

Yeah, Greg told me.

What's the matter with Tiger?

Something's
bothering him, all right.

Well, we all miss Myron,

but it's hard to believe

Tiger's this upset.

Tiger was scared of Myron.

Aha!

I think it's mutual.

What do you mean, Dad?

Take a look.

Oh, it's Myron.

Oh... cute.

He was too smart
for the exterminator.

May I hold him, Greg, please?

Well, okay, if you promise

not to drop him in any
more clothes hampers.

Oh, he's so cute.

Isn't he darling?

Looks like the girls

had a change of
heart about Myron.

Well, why not?

I mean, did you
ever see anything

as gorgeous as this little guy

with the beady eyes
and the long tail?

Oh, Greg, quick.

It's sure a lot easier

to peel a banana
than it is a potato.

You're right.

Some night we might even try

french-fried bananas.

Any more towels for the laundry?

Oh, Alice, your uniform.

You've got an ink stain.

Oh, you just couldn't resist

playing one more
trick, could you?

Alice, I didn't...
That looks really real,

but you can't fool me.

I know how to take care

of ink spots like this...

Like you said, Mrs. Brady...

There's an ink
spot on my uniform.

She thought I did it.

Yeah, I know.

Well, I didn't.