The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 1, Episode 9 - Sorry, Right Number - full transcript

♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of
gold, like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪



♪ That's the way they all
became the Brady bunch ♪

♪ The Brady bunch,
the Brady bunch ♪

♪ That's the way they
became the Brady bunch. ♪

Hello, Ed.

Listen, we're
going to tee off at...

Hi, Martha.

Yeah, just a second.

Honey, it's for you.

Oh, I guess she wants
to shorten her blue dress.

Oh, I certainly hope so.

I've really been
worried about that.

We're trying to
set up a golf game

so could you make it fast?

Oh, it'll only take a second.



Hi, Martha. Good.

She's going to
take it up an inch.

Marvy.

No, I wouldn't take it up
any more than an inch...

When you sit
down, it'll rich up.

Rich up?

What does that mean?

Ooh...

well, listen, Martha,
I'm in the den

and Mike wants to use the phone

so I'll call you back
later, okay? Bye.

Hello, Ed, listen... Who?

Alice?

Yeah, just a minute.

Alice! Telephone!

I'll take it in the kitchen.

Sam the butcher.

Since when does the
butcher call at 8:00 at night?

Since he and Alice
have been dating.

Be glad... you should
see the difference

in the cuts of meat
we've been getting.

Listen, you know, with
you and Alice and the kids

on the phone all the time

it's a wonder I ever get a call.

It's not just golf
games, either.

Sometimes I get business
calls in the evening.

Darling, do you
know what time it is?

No, what time is it?

It's time we got a second phone.

No, I mean, you've
added three daughters

and a new wife
to your household.

Well, that's four extra mouths.

At the very least.

Michael... No, you're right.

A second phone
should solve everything.

Well, just call me your
little problem solver.

Okay, you're my little...

Oh, don't you dare.

Hello, Ed?

Just a second.

Marcia!

Yeah, this will solve
the whole problem, Ed.

Kids have their phone
in the family room

I have mine here in my den.

After you hear from Harry

call me up and tell me
what time we tee off.

Call me anytime...

I'm the master of my fate
and the captain of my phone.

Yeah, good-bye.

The correct time in ten
seconds will be 8:05 p.m.

Come in.

Hi, it's your Sammy boy.

Watch it with that meat cleaver.

You don't have to
prove you're a butcher.

Hi, Sam.

Hi, Mr. Brady.

Say, that was a great
roast we had the other night.

Thanks, this ain't a bad little
lamb chop right here, either.

Ready to go?

Sure, soon as I
get this in a cast.

Well, if an inch
isn't short enough

shorten it another inch.

You've got nice knees.

Oh, dear, it's Martha... Did
you want to use the phone?

Oh, of course
not... You're talking

to a man with two phones.

Good, because
Martha can't figure out

what to do with her knees.

Oh, I forgot, I'm
supposed to call Marty.

That was Mike.

Since has his own phone,
you've never seen a happier man.

Okay, okay, Harv, but this
is my last offer for your bike.

I'll add my baseball mitt,

my autographed
picture of Raquel Welch

and my pet white rabbit.

I think that's a real
good deal for you, Harv.

Greg.

Yeah, Dad?

What happened to the rules?

You're not supposed
to be in the den,

and you're supposed
to use the other phone

unless it's an emergency.

Well, this is an emergency.

Listen, if I don't unload
that rabbit in a hurry

we're going to have
dozens of them.

Greg...

and besides, Mom's
using our phone.

Okay, okay, finish your call.

Maybe your mother's
through on the other phone,

but just this once.

All right.

Of course you could always
bleach your freckles, Dory

but sometimes it does
something funny to your face.

I don't see what's
wrong with freckles.

I've got lots of them.

Is there something wrong, Dad?

Isn't this the phone
I'm supposed to use?

Yeah, yeah, it's the phone
you're supposed to use.

I guess I'll just have to get
Greg off the other phone.

Well, if you insist on bleaching
them, Dory, don't use too much

or you'll wind up with white
freckles instead of brown ones.

Jerry, I didn't say the
new math wasn't hard.

I said you should stop mixing up

the old math with the new math.

Some kids just
haven't got it up here.

Yeah, like, for example,
kids who have been told

not to use their father's den,

and not to use
their father's phone.

Listen, suppose
somebody's trying

to reach me right
now on business.

You said it's okay
if it's an emergency,

and he's going to flunk
math if I don't talk to him.

That makes it an emergency
for him, but not for you.

He's my best friend,
and if he flunks

his dad will get
real mad at him.

He's not a swell guy like you.

None of that stuff.

Oh, all right, maybe
you better help Jerry.

And hurry up.

Thanks, Dad.

I just said the new
math wasn't hard.

I said you should stop mixing up

the old math with the
new math, got me?

Phyllis, believe
me... if George Wilson

deliberately ignored
you twice today in school

that's the best, the greatest

the most definite
sign of interest.

Now, take my word for it

if George ignores you
for two or three more days

that proves he's
crazy about you.

Now, don't worry.

Just make sure to be at
the benches by recess.

Two phones, and it's
worse than it was before.

What do you mean?

Now we've got two
phones, and I can't call out.

Nobody can call me either,

because they're
both always busy.

As much as I hate it

I'm going to have to
issue an ultimatum.

Emergency or no emergency

those kids can't use my phone.

My phone?

Our phone.

Well, anyway, dear,
I do agree with you.

The kids do need an ultimatum.

And that's the way it's
going to be from now on.

No more excuses and
no more emergencies

because the phone
in my den is for my use

and for Mother's
use exclusively.

Now, you kids have
this phone in here

and that's the one you use.

Okay, is that clear now, huh?

Good.

Let's hope that solves
the phone problem.

I'm sure it will.

I'm telling you, Harv,
you'll never get an offer

like this the rest of your life.

Will you get off the phone!

Dory's waiting for my call!

Will you guys shut up!

How can I talk

with everybody
screaming in my ear?

From bad to worse to impossible.

Honey, I have an idea.

Will you listen to me, Harv?

Now, I'll go over
the deal once more.

Believe me, this
is my final offer

so listen carefully.

Hold on a sec.

What gives?

That's how much time
you're allowed on the phone.

When the sand runs out

it's good-bye, Charlie.

I'm talking to Harvey.

Then it's good-bye, Harvey.

Oh, Harv, listen,
my time's limited

so you're going to have to
make up your mind right away.

On the other hand

if you still want to dicker...

Insurance...

dollars and no cents.

Phone bill.

Carol... Carol!

Carol!

Yes, dear?

What is it?

What's the matter?

Oh, you look sick...
Do you feel faint?

Put your head
between your knees.

Look at this bill.

Well, it's the phone bill.

I know it's the phone bill.

Take a look at the
grand total this month.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes... I thought that
was the national debt.

Maybe I better be running along.

Something in the kitchen

may be boiling or
freezing or something.

We'd like you to see this, too.

Oh, it's terrible.

It's impossible.

It's that second phone.

The toll calls alone...

There are five times as
many units as we're allowed.

Those kids use that
phone constantly

and we have got to
do something drastic.

Like what?

Get them to start
writing letters?

Alice.

Sorry.

Excuse me while I show this bill

to a certain group of children.

It's amazing how such a
simple thing like a phone

can become such a big problem.

So many other things
have come up with the kids

we've managed to solve them.

Here we are hung
up on the phone.

Hung up?

Mike...

I'm wasn't trying to
be funny. I'm serious.

We got a wonderful
bunch of kids.

I mean, really marvelous.

They don't play hooky

they don't lie,
they're not fresh

but, boy, they just won't
stay off of that phone.

Well, all our friends with kids

have big phone bills, too.

Oh, honey, not as big as ours.

Have you seen
those toll charges?

I think our kids are talking to
the astronauts on the Moon.

Honey... where are you?

There's got to be
a solution to this.

There must be some
way to keep those kids

from using that
phone 24 hours a day

and to teach them
the value of money.

Well, if you think the
phone's expensive

wait till you get the bill

for the new carpeting.

What new carpeting?

The one you're wearing
out pacing back and forth.

There you are, Mrs. Pfeiffer.

That chicken is guaranteed
to melt in your mouth.

And how is my favorite
little filet today, huh?

I see you raised
your tongue again.

You ought to be arrested
for charging those prices

for something
that can't even talk.

You got a lot of nerve, looking
down your nose at my tongue.

That's a good one, huh, Alice?

Is that supposed to
be a New York cut?

What race did it run in?

Hey, hey, something's wrong.

When you start to
criticize Sam's meat

something is definitely wrong.

Now, suppose you
tells old Sam all about it.

Something's wrong, all right.

Here, I'll go put this
sign up on the door.

Then we can talk.

Now, why don't you let old Sam

put a smile back
on your face, huh?

Oh, stop it.

Hey, boy, you really are upset.

You bet your sweet
pig's knuckles I am.

Come on, we'll sit
back here and relax.

On a crate?

This is a butcher shop,
not a furniture store.

I'm sorry.

Hey, put it right
there... no splinters.

Thanks.

Now, why don't you
just spill it all out?

Big Sam is listening.

Well, I get upset
when there's a problem

at the Brady house, and
right now we've got a beaut.

Well, now maybe
it isn't all that bad.

Maybe you're just making a
meat loaf out of a hamburger.

It's pretty bad, all right.

Mr. Brady's been
getting phone bills

that are driving
him right up the wall.

He's upset with the kids

and that's making
Mrs. Brady upset.

And with Mrs. Brady
upset and Mr. Brady upset

and the kids upset, I get upset.

I'll tell you, Sam,

we got more upset
than you got meat.

You know something, Alice?

You got a bigger
heart than a cow.

Sam, you sure know how
to make a girl feel good.

When did you get that?

What? You see
something you like?

This thing.

Oh, the pay phone.

Sometime last week... I had to.

My customers kept using
my phone all the time.

"Do you mind if I make a call?"

"Do you mind if I make a call?"

The profits were all going

right down the drain...

A dime here, a dime there.

A dime here.

What?

A dime... lend me a dime.

You just gave me a great idea.

There go the profits again.

Alice?

Hi, Mrs. Brady, kids.

Alice, what's this
big thing on the wall?

What's what thing on what wall?

This big thing over here.

Oh, oh, that thing.

Yes, that thing.

What is it?

Uh... wait a minute,
I remember now.

Mr. Brady called awhile ago

and he said something
about a big surprise,

but he wants everybody to
wait till he gets home to unwrap it.

Unwrap what?

Now, come on, Alice, what is it?

Excuse me, I think I
smell something burning.

I better go take
a look at my liver.

Well, I guess

we'll just have
to wait to find out.

All right, everybody ready?

Why don't you let
the little kids up front

where they can see?

Come on, sweetheart.

There.

There.

That's better.

All right.

We all know in the past

that the telephone
problem has been

absolutely impossible.

It hasn't bothered me.

Me neither.

Yeah, well, it's bothered me

and it's bothered
our household budget.

Fortunately, I have the
solution to the problem

and this is it... ta-dum!

Hey, that looks
like a pay telephone.

It is a pay telephone.

Honey, that looks
like a real pay phone.

Precisely... didn't you notice

the other phone was
gone, the other phone?

Hey, it is gone.

I don't dig.

What's the point?

The point is

this pay phone
is for all you kids

and the household budget
stops taking a beating.

From now on, you will be given
an addition to your allowance

for two calls per day.

After that, any call you
make will be deducted

from your regular allowance.

Did you say two calls a day?

That's right. The rest
comes out of your allowance.

But I average at least ten.

Then there goes your allowance.

This pay phone will
teach you children

not to monopolize the phone

and you'll have to be
especially careful about toll calls.

Incidentally, did you know

that every call you make
to Martha is a toll call?

You don't expect
me to use that thing.

If you're very good

you can use my phone in the den.

Oh, well, thanks a
lot. You're welcome.

Two calls?!

Even when you're arrested

you get to make one call.

Yeah, and that one
you make to your lawyer.

Come on, let's go
tell them how we feel.

We don't want a pay phone.

You can't lie on
the floor and talk.

That'll make your
calls shorter, won't it?

Well, suppose we
promised to be more careful.

Sorry, son, we tried discussion;

we tried egg timers;
we tried even threats.

Nothing worked.

That's right, Greg.

Now you use the pay phone.

But, Dad... Sorry, Marcia.

Maybe this is going
to solve the problem.

Dismissed.

Do you know how hard it is

to get a pay phone?

Do you know all the red tape

I had to go through
with the phone company?

Do you know how much
this is going to cost us?

Two calls per child...
six kids... $1.20...

$36 a month.

That's more than our
phone bill was last month.

Well, honey, who
says it's permanent?

If it accomplishes the problem,

we'll return it

and go back to
the regular phone.

Well, dear, I guess
it's worth a try.

Sure, sure.

Who could be calling
on a pay phone?

Hello?

I think you better dial again.

Wrong number?

I assume it's the wrong number.

We're not O'Brien's Taco
and Tamale Shop, are we?

Hey, Marcia.

Listen, I got to make
a telephone call.

You got change for a quarter?

Yep, but I wouldn't part with it

if my life depended on it.

Thanks a lot.

But, Peter, I just need
a dime to make a call

and I'll give the
money right back.

Do you want to be
known as a selfish brother?

A rich one.

But my piggy bank's empty!

Well, that's your tough luck!

Get off me!

Look, Martha, I can't worry
any more about your dress.

I've got my own problems

trying to find dimes
and nickels for the kids.

Well, if it's that short
now, then wear it as a belt.

Now, Martha, I did not
mean to be sarcastic.

Oh... excuse me... Hi, dear.

Ask me what's new.
Ask me what's new.

Listen, excuse me, Martha.

Mike just walked in.

Yeah... uh, listen, honey

you look like you're
just bursting with news.

I am, I am, I am. Listen,
I'm supposed to meet

with Mr. Crawford to
discuss the multimillion-dollar

factory complex... The
one I helped design.

Yeah.

I have to call him at
6:30 to set up a meeting.

That's in about five minutes.

Oh, Mike, that's wonderful.

Listen, Martha, Mike just
came in and... Martha?

Now, Martha, I told
you I didn't mean to be...

Oh, Martha, it's
nothing to cry over.

Martha... Martha? Martha!

Oh, Mike, I think
I've hurt her feelings.

She's off crying and
we're still connected.

Here, let me try.

Martha!

Hello, Martha!

No dial tone or anything...

Just distant sobs.

Martha!

I'm supposed to
call Crawford AT 6:30

and you don't keep
multimillionaires waiting.

Martha, please come back!
Mike has to use the phone!

Honey, never mind, I'll use
the phone in the other room.

Okay.

♪ Martha, Martha... ♪

Martha... Martha?

That's the thanks I get for
helping her with her dress.

Hi, Sam.

Good evening, Mr. Brady.

Sam got here early.

He's taking me
to a movie tonight.

Somebody has to take her.

It's one of them pictures

with an "R" rating
and she ain't 16 yet.

Have fun, kids.

Hello, Mr. Crawford?

Who's calling, please?

This is Michael Brady;
he's expecting my call.

Mr. Crawford's on another line.

Would you wait, please?

Uh, certainly.

Mr. Brady?

Yes... Mr. Crawford?

I'm sorry, sir, this is
Mr. Crawford's secretary.

Mr. Crawford had
to take a London call.

He'll be with you
in a few moments.

Well, I'll wait if I may.

Hello.

Mr. Crawford?

Yes, this is Crawford.

This is Michael Brady.

Oh, yes... the plans for
the new factory complex.

Are they complete?

Yes, sir, they are.

I thought we might
discuss them over dinner.

Do you like the Candlelight
Room at the Royal Hotel?

Fine... best food in town.

Nothing but the best

when you're discussing
multimillion-dollar deals.

That's our firm's policy.

Deposit another
ten cents, please.

Ten cents?

Did I hear an operator
asking for ten cents?

Mr. Crawford, you just
hang on for a minute.

I know I've got a
dime here somewhere.

Hang on there,
Mr. Crawford, be right with you.

Mr. Crawford, you still there?

Carol, Alice, help!

I need another dime!

A dime?

The kids cleaned
us out of change.

Well, wait a minute.

I got dimes.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Here you go, help yourself.

No wonder the kids
haven't been able

to find any dimes...
You had them all.

Oh, Alice.

What happened, dear?

The operator cut me off

because I didn't have
another dime. Oh, darling.

Well, call him back, Mr. Brady.

Here's plenty of dimes.

Call back Mr. Crawford
and explain

why I was discussing
a multimillion-dollar deal

and couldn't deposit
another ten cents?

On the other hand,
what have I got to lose?

Right.

Come on.

Wait, I want to hear
how it comes out.

Come on.

It was my dime.

Hello, Mr. Crawford,
this is Mike Brady again.

Frankly, Mr. Brady, I'm not
accustomed to doing business

with a company which
has to use pay telephones.

Mr. Crawford, the pay
phone is in my house.

Your house?

That doesn't exactly
restore my faith

in you or your
company, Mr. Brady.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have other calls waiting.

Mr. Crawford, let me explain.

You see, I have six children,

and I could never get
to use my own phone

and besides, they were running
bills up that were out of sight.

A pay phone? A pay
phone in your house...

That's... um, that's a
very interesting idea.

I have three teenagers of my
own and I know what you mean.

Tell me something...

Has the pay phone
solved your problem?

Oh, yes, it's worked fine...

With the single exception
of my phone call to you.

Well, maybe that
worked fine, too.

Did you say the Candlelight
Room of the Royal Hotel?

Yes, sir, you name the day.

Uh, Friday at
8:00 Would be fine.

I'll see you then.

We're all set.

Oh, Mike, that's marvelous.

Yes, thanks to you
and the kids and that...

that silly box.

In a few minutes

you'll never be able to tell

there was a phone attached here.

The kids are thrilled to have
their regular phone back again

and I'm sure they've learned
a very valuable lesson.

I'm kind of surprised
you took out

the pay phone, Mr. Brady.

It brought you good luck

in that big deal
with Mr. Crawford.

It certainly did.

In fact, I think it
might have been

the pay phone that clinched it.

Seems a shame you took it out.

I'll tell you what, Alice,

if you get lonesome
for a pay phone

I can give you the address
of a home that's got one.

Mr. Crawford?

You better believe it.