The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 1, Episode 5 - Katchoo - full transcript

Carol decides to keep Jan home from school because of her excessive sneezing, which she believes could be the sign of something like the flu. But once Jan gets into bed, she stops sneezing. Carol, Alice and the doctor surmise that Jan has probably developed an allergy to something. After checking many of the regular causes of allergies such as pollen, they end up believing that Jan is allergic to a person, namely Mike, as Jan starts sneezing as soon as he comes home. Their concern about this revelation is bittersweet when Jan continues to sneeze even when Mike isn't around, but does so when Tiger is, leading to the thought that he is the cause of her allergic reaction. They know that they have to get rid of Tiger for Jan's sake, news which will probably hit the boys the hardest as they raised Tiger from a pup. Individually, each of the family members, without telling anyone else, believes they have the answer to the problem without needing to get rid of Tiger, but which makes for an extremely agitated dog.

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪



♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way they all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way they became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

Bye, honey.

Bye, Mom.



Bye, Mom.

Bye, Marcia. Bye, Mom.

Good-bye, sweetheart.
Bye, Mommy.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Brady,

I thought you were
one of the kids.

Well, it's probably better

than the blue plate
special I get downtown.

Bye, dear.

Bye, honey. Bye,
Alice. Bye, Mr. Brady.

Hey, one of the
kids forgot his lunch.

No, I saw each one
with his lunch bag.

Well, then whose is this?

Well, let's see, Bobby left

and Cindy... Marcia...
Greg... Peter...

Jan!

Hurry up.

You'll be late for school.

I'm coming.

What have you been doing?

Getting some tissues.

I'm all stuffed up.

Oh, boy, the flu
season's here again.

Gesundheit.

Let me feel your forehead.

Stick out your
tongue and say "aah."

When did this start?

Well, never mind, dear.

You're staying home
from school today.

Come on, up to bed.

I wonder, Mrs. Brady.

You wonder what she's
got? I wonder how soon

the rest of them are
gonna come down with it.

Oh, no, you don't, young lady.

I wouldn't fall for that.

This?

Nope.

This?

Oh, never.

Never?

You little rascal,
you're too good for me.

Let's play one
more. Not right now.

Your daddy's coming home
for lunch to see how you feel.

Maybe Daddy'll play with me.

I'm sure he will.
How are you feeling?

Fine, I haven't sneezed
since I got in bed.

Well, let me see your throat.

Mother, you've looked
at my throat 6,000 times.

Well, this will be 6,001.

Now, stick out your tongue.

I don't understand it;
your throat looks fine.

Does it hurt? No.

Do you hurt anyplace?

My tongue hurts... I
stuck it out so much

I think I sprained it.

Well, I've never seen
the flu act like this before.

You seem perfectly well.

Can I get up now?

Oh, no, you don't.

You stay right where you are.

And keep the covers on.

Here, you can read a while.

Okay.

Hello.

Oh, hi, honey.

Listen, honey, I
just called to tell you

not to worry about Jan...
She's feeling much better.

You mean she stopped
all that sneezing?

Yeah. She seems
to feel fine now.

Ah, wonderful!

Well, I was going to
come home for lunch, but...

Oh, come anyway... your
favorite dish is waiting for you.

What's that?

Me.

No, I really do have
your favorite dish, though:

it's tuna salad with chopped
eggs and pickle relish.

Well, that settles it.

With my little girl, my wife

and my tuna salad all waiting
for me, I'm coming home.

Good... I'll see you
in a little while. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Alice, the tuna salad
will be in the refrigerator.

Mr. Brady can have a
piece of this cake for dessert.

Mmm... that looks delicious.

Yeah, I sure am glad
Jan's feeling better.

Yeah, you know,
that's the strangest cold.

Not a sign of it now.

What about all that sneezing?

She hasn't sneezed
a single sneeze.

This morning I was up
to here in gesundheits.

All her symptoms
have disappeared.

What could have made her...

Wait a minute. An allergy.

Maybe she's
allergic to something.

That's right, an allergy will
make you sneeze and wheeze.

Pollen, dust, maybe
some kind of food.

When did she start
sneezing so hard?

This morning at breakfast.

Hey, I used flour to
make the pancakes

and yesterday when
I made that cake

she was sneezing then.

As a matter of fact,
a couple of days ago

when we were making
cookies, remember?

That's right, but... Flour!
I'm glad we found it out now

before she grew up
and married a baker.

Maybe it's the roses or geraniums
or something in the backyard.

It is pollen season.

It's the flour, Mrs. Brady.

Let's take some up and test her.

Alice, you don't mind

if I check with the
doctor, do you?

Oh, no, ma'am, he's
entitled to his opinion, too.

Nothing?

Nope, none of those
things make me sneeze.

It's the flour, Mrs.
Brady... I'm positive.

Okay, Alice,
we'll try the flour.

Get ready with your gesundheit.

Now, just a little sniff, Jan.

No use punishing yourself.

Nothing?

No.

Take a bigger sniff.

Just smells like flour.

It doesn't bother you?

No, not at all.

I don't understand that.

Don't laugh.

This stuff is dynamite.

It doesn't bother me.

Can I get up now, Mother?

No, honey, you better stay put.

The doctor's pretty sure
you've got some kind of allergy,

and he wants me to keep checking

different things
around the house.

Do I have to stay in bed?

No, you can go to the doctor's

and get a shot, if you'd rather.

I'll stay in bed.

Maybe Jan's allergic to dust.

Well, it can't be dust.

There's as much dust upstairs

as there is downstairs.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, Alice.

I just meant that it's
all very well dusted.

Oh. Hey, I just had
a funny thought.

Maybe she's
allergic to a person.

Oh, Alice. It happens.

I remember reading
once about a woman

that was allergic
to her husband.

Oh, I read about that, too...
They had to get a divorce.

Now, we know she's not
allergic to either one of us,

because we were both up there
with her, and she never sneezed once.

Maybe it's her new pillow.

Oh, no. It doesn't
have any feathers in it.

She couldn't be
allergic to her sisters

because you would've found
out about that a long time ago.

Maybe it's one of
the boys or Mr. Brady.

Oh, Alice, really.

Think about it, Mrs. Brady.

She hasn't sneezed once
since they left this morning.

Well, that doesn't prove...
- Honey!

I'm home.

Listen, if it's Mr. Brady

we can check it out fast enough.

Shh, Alice, it's
just too farfetched.

Hi, darling.

Hi, Alice. Honey.

God bless you.

What's everybody staring at?

Haven't you ever seen
anyone sneeze before?

Have you been sneezing all day?

No. First sneeze in a week.

How's Jan feeling?

Oh, much better.

She hasn't sneezed
at all since you...

Darling, why don't you
run up and see her?

She's just dying to
play checkers with you.

Oh, really?

I better warn her...
As a boy, I was known

as the checker champ
of Chestnut Avenue.

Well, watch out for
yourself, she's pretty good.

All right, let me know
when lunch is ready. We will.

Doesn't that just
tear your heart out?

He's so cheerful.

He has no idea what
he's walking into.

Alice, we don't know
that it's Mr. Brady.

We don't know what it is.

You're right.

Let's just wait
until we find out.

You mean, just
stand here and wait?

You're not suggesting

that we go upstairs
and eavesdrop.

Hi, princess.

Hi, Daddy.

Gesundheit.

How are you feeling?

I'm all stuffed up.

Aw, that's too bad.

Let's see, you got a fever?

No, Mommy took my temperature.

Alice says you haven't
been sneezing as much.

Now it started up again.

I hear you want

to play me a game of checkers.

Not right now.

I'm feeling worse.

You mean, since I came in?

Yeah... especially
since you sat down.

You poor kid.

You want me to read to you?

You settle back and relax
a little bit, close your eyes.

We can try it.

Mrs. Brady, we got
to get him out of there.

Well... Mike,

would you come out here, please?

Sure, honey. Soup's on?

Not exactly.

The fat's in the
fire, you might say.

Alice, shh.

I'll read to you later.

Here.

Hi, honey, what's up?

Mike... I don't quite know

how to tell you this.

Jan's allergic to you.

Thank you, Alice.

What's this all about?

You heard Jan sneezing just now?

Well, she didn't sneeze once

while you were at the office.

It's one of those rare things.

Now, that's silly.

Well, that's what
I thought, too.

But have you heard her sneeze

since you left the room?

No.

How are you feeling now, Jan?

Much better, Daddy.

It was funny... Right
after you left the room,

I started feeling better.

Good. I'm glad to hear it.

I'll, uh, see you after lunch.

Well?

Yep.

Oh, Mike.

Now, honey.

Why don't you two
look at the bright side?

Would you mind telling
us just what that is?

Well... maybe you
can get her a gas mask.

What was that?

I said, maybe you
could get her a gas mask.

No, shh.

Oh, that's music.

She's singing our song.

Did you sneeze, Jan?

Yes.

Tiger, please, get
down, go away.

Does it bother you
with Tiger near you?

Oh, yes, it's terrible.

Oh, I just realized.

Let me get him out of here.
Come on, katchoo king.

There, now, how's that?

Oh, better.

Does it bother you
when I sit here?

Not at all.

Oh, what a relief.

We thought you
were allergic to...

Never mind. It's Tiger.

Tiger? What's he doing?

He isn't doing anything, Jan.

It's something about his hair...

Invisible little particles.

That's what makes you sneeze.

I was afraid we'd have
to get rid of Daddy, but...

Oh, Mike, what are we
gonna do about Tiger?

Well, I don't know.

The boys have raised
him since he was a pup.

They'll be heartbroken.

I'm sorry, Daddy.

It isn't your fault, sweetheart.

Maybe it's not Tiger after all.

Alice!

Alice, would you
bring Tiger back?

Oh, darling, we're
sure it's Tiger.

Maybe it isn't.

You sure you want him?

Yes.

Come on, Tiger.

Come here, Tiger.

Come on, Tiger.

Come on, come on, baby.

Oh, no!

Those poor boys.

It'll break their hearts.

Tiger's such a sweet dog.

He's a good watchdog, too.

The way he took
to me and the girls.

Treated you just like
the rest of the family.

A dog like Tiger, you
know, isn't easy to come by.

I sure don't envy
you, Mr. Brady,

having to tell the boys.

Well, bad news is part of life.

Something unpleasant happens

you have to face it, you know...

Be realistic.

When there's no alternative

there's no alternative.

Might as well not put it off.

Might as well go
and tell them now.

Mike...

I wish there was
something I could do.

Me, too, Mr. Brady.

Thanks.

I ever tell you we had Tiger

before we had Bobby?

Yes. Now. Alice, why did
you have to tell me now?

I just happened to
think about it now.

Well, try to think
about something else.

Be brave like Mr. Brady.

Hi, gang.

Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.

Time out, fellas.

Let's have a little talk.

Come on, Tiger...
This concerns you, too.

You look pretty serious, Dad.

Well, I'm afraid it is
pretty serious, son.

Your mother kept Jan
home from school today

because she thought
she had a cold.

Yeah, we wondered
what happened to her.

How is she?

Fine.

It turned out Jan didn't
have a cold after all.

She was just pretending?!

What a phony-baloney.

She wasn't pretending
and it wasn't phony.

Jan has an allergy.

An aller-what?

Allergy... that's something
that makes you feel miserable

when you get anywhere near it.

I have an allergy,
too... Arithmetic.

Peter, I'm talking about
coughing and sneezing

and eyes tearing.

Now, there's something
around the house

that's doing all of these
terrible things to Jan.

What's the problem?

Whatever it is,
let's just get rid of it.

Even if it's Tiger?

Tiger?!

Jan's allergic to Tiger,
and I'm afraid, boys,

that they cannot live
together in the same house.

Aw, Dad.

That's terrible.

Where's Jan going to live?

Jan will live with us, Bobby.

Maybe Tiger can live
with Gram and Grandpa.

I don't want Tiger to go away.

Tiger's a dog, son.

Jan's your sister.

Well, just keep
Tiger away from Jan.

Yeah, yeah!

Boys, it's impossible
in the same house.

Isn't there anything we can do?

Sorry, fellas, Jan's allergy
gets worse and worse

with Tiger around.

I'm afraid he'll have to go.

Did you get it?

Right here.

There you go, Tiger.

Boy, this is the first time

he's eaten a bone in our room.

Yeah, it's kind of like
a special occasion.

He's going to know
something's wrong.

Dog's can't figure
out things like that...

Not even Tiger.

He sure likes that bone.

I hope he doesn't try to bury it

right in the floor.

He'll get splinters.

Don't be dumb.

He'll bury it in the backyard
with the rest of his bones.

Hey, maybe we ought
to dig 'em all up now

so he can take them with him.

No, he'll get new ones
at Grandma's house.

I guess we all got to
say good-bye to him now.

Yeah. Who's going
to say good-bye first?

Go ahead.

Me?! You're the oldest.

For the first time, I'm
glad I'm the youngest.

He sure is enjoying that bone.

Yeah, I don't even want to
break the bad news to him now.

It'll spoil his appetite.

Well, I guess we got to do it.

Hey, Tiger... Tiger?

Tiger, I'm talking to you.

He ain't listening.

I betcha he's got a
feeling in his bones...

I mean his own, not
the one he's chewing.

Listen, fella, I got
some terrible news.

Would you leave that
bone alone for a minute?

We should have given it to him

after we said good-bye.

I bet he wouldn't
have wanted it then.

Tiger, leave that bone alone
for a minute, will you, Tiger?

Tiger?

That crummy bone is
messing up everything.

Tell him good-bye anyway.

Yeah, let him eat it.

What I wanted
to tell you, pal...

as much as we love you,
we got to give you away.

It's killing us, but there's
nothing we can do about it.

You tell him, Peter.

Tiger...

you know we don't
want to give you away.

Tell him we'll miss him.

And we're going to miss
you something awful.

Tiger?

Tiger?!

Aw, he doesn't
even care about us.

All he wants is that bone.

Maybe he doesn't want us to know

how he really feels.

Tiger... all I want to say is...

Oh, Tiger!

And whenever Tiger
comes around me

I sneeze and I sneeze
and I can hardly breathe.

I don't want to get rid of him.

Neither do I, but Dad says
his hair makes me sneeze.

Hey, I know what we can do.

Let's give him a good bath.

Then his hair won't make
you sneeze anymore.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Come on, Cindy.

Jan, you stay here
or you'll sneeze.

Okay.

Don't forget behind his ears.

Okay.

Tiger!

Boy, I'm going to miss Tiger.

Darn that Jan anyway.

Aw, she can't help it.

It's her dumb nose.

Hey, I've got an idea.

People get heart transplants...

Maybe Jan can get
a nose transplant.

That's crazy.

Sure, where are we going to get

an extra nose?

You guys are both such dumbheads

I don't even know how
we can be brothers.

There's only one thing to do.

What's that?

Well, if Tiger's hair
is causing Jan trouble

we'll give him a bath...
Get his hair real clean.

Hey, yeah! Scrub that
allergy right off him.

Good idea!

Shh! We'll keep it a secret.

That way it'll be a real
test when Jan smells him.

Come on.

Come on.

Lift his rear end up, Peter.

There...

What's wrong with him?

I've never seen him
so afraid of water.

Afraid or not, he's got
to have a good bath.

It's our only hope
for keeping him.

Now, come on, Tiger.

There.

Good night, fellas.

Good night, Peter.

Good night.

Good night, Bobby.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Greg.

Good night, Greg.

No talking, right to sleep.

Dad?

If Tiger doesn't make
Jan sneeze tomorrow,

will we still have
to give him away?

No, of course not, Bobby.

But I wouldn't depend on that.

I'm afraid that
would take a miracle.

Maybe there'll be a miracle.

Oh, I hope so.

Good night.

Alice?

Alice?

Alice?

The kids are asleep.
Ready for action?

Soap, scrub brush, tub of
water... ready and waiting.

I didn't say anything
to the boys...

I didn't want to
get their hopes up.

It's high time Tiger
had a bath anyway.

I'd better get back before
Mr. Brady misses me, okay?

Come here, Tiger.

What's the matter
with you, Tiger?

You usually enjoy a bath.

And, believe me, this is
going to be a good one.

Come on, Tiger.

You've been a member of
this family for a long time.

You're a good dog and
I don't want to lose you.

So, it may be hopeless...

but you're going to have a
bath like you never had before.

That a boy.

You're going to
like it a whole lot.

That a boy.

Come on, Alice.

Sit down, Tiger. Here he comes.

Morning, Alice.
Morning, Mr. Brady.

Sweetheart. Girls up? Hi.

They'll be down in a
minute. Want your coffee?

In a minute. Hello,
Tiger, how are you?

Good morning.

Hi, guys. Hi, boys.

There's good ol' Tiger.

How are you, Tiger?

Where are the girls?

They'll be down in a minute.

Want your juice,
fellas? In a minute.

Hi, girls.

Good morning.

Hi, Tiger.

Good morning.

Hello, Tiger.

Boy, he sure smells
clean, doesn't he?

You bet he does.

I'll say so.

Squeaky clean.

He's pure.

Cleanest dog in
the neighborhood.

Absolutely.

We seem to be in
full agreement on that.

What we've got
here is a clean dog...

Morning, Jan.

You look much better.

How you feeling?

Oh, I feel fine.

Come on, Tiger, come here.

Come on, Tiger, hi.

Oh, no!

It just started?

Just when I got near Tiger.

Oh, dear.

Well, there's no
use putting it off.

Come on, Tiger,
I'll have to take you

over to Grandma's. Come on.

Oh, poor Tiger.

Be a good dog.

We'll come and
see you every day.

Practically.

Bye-bye, Tiger.

I'm sorry, Tiger. Me, too.

Okay, come on.

Wait a sec.

You stupid dog!

Get out of here.

I'll be back in half an hour.

Come on, kids,
let's get breakfast.

I'm sorry, I can't help it.

The boys know that, Jan.

Sure, honey.

Nobody's blaming
you. Right, fellas?

Right, fellas?

Yeah, right.

Yeah, I guess so.

There, you see?

So cheer up. I'll get breakfast.

Oh, speaking of getting, I've
got something for your grandma...

Tiger's new flea powder.

Will one of you kids stop
your dad before he drives off?

Oh, I'll do it.

Okay.

Oh, Jan, wait.

Alice, it's the flea powder...

It's Tiger's new flea
powder that Jan's allergic to!

It isn't Tiger at all!

We got to stop Dad!

Hey, Mr. Brady!

I guess it's okay, huh?

Well, just for tonight.

Good night, Tiger.

Good night, boy.