The Brady Bunch (1969–1974): Season 1, Episode 4 - Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore - full transcript
For any domestic chores or to manage their problems, Mike and the boys turn to Alice as they always have since Mike's first wife/the boys' mother passed away. Alice comes to the realization that they should instead turn to Carol to make her feel like the woman of the house and truly the boys' mother. Alice's plan works like a charm as Carol feels buoyed by the boys and Mike turning to her. One side effect of this plan is the girls feeling neglected by Carol, which she can explain and rectify. What Alice didn't count on was feeling like she is no longer needed in the Brady household as the boys in particular now always turn to Carol instead of her. As such, she makes up a pretense to leave their employ. Mike and Carol can't tell her not to go, but when they learn the real reason for her leaving, they have to try and come up with a way of not just telling her but really showing her how much they want her to stay.
♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when ♪
♪ The lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was ♪
♪ Much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group ♪
♪ Must somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way they all ♪
♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way they became ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪
Alice!
Alice! Ow, I ripped myself!
Oh, let me see, Bobby.
Oh, what happened?
I fell off my bike!
Yeah, you banged that
knee up pretty good.
How fast were you going,
300-400 miles an hour?
I was going around the corner
and I hit a banana.
Well, that will
do it every time.
Park yourself over here.
We'll get it
bandaged in a jiffy.
All work guaranteed
or your money back.
What's going on?
What's all the noise?
Hot rod Charlie hit a banana.
Looks like he hit
more than that.
Your poor knee.
You think I'm messed up
you ought to see my bike.
Banged up, huh?
Like a pretzel.
Come on, let's hobble upstairs
and I'll get you bandaged up.
Alice can do it.
Oh.
Okay.
You might get a
better deal upstairs.
You always do it real good.
Well, as long as
you're all right.
Next time, look out
for those bananas.
You know, you're not very smart.
You had a chance
at a pretty nurse
and you blew it.
But, Alice, you
always fix my knees
and elbows and things.
Well, the more I think about it
the more I think
you better go upstairs
to your mother.
Why?
I'm too busy right now.
I don't have time to fool
around with scraped knees.
But you said...
All right, so I changed my mind.
This is a kitchen, not
an emergency ward.
Aw, but, Alice...
Don't "but, Alice" me.
Go on upstairs, scoot.
Oh.
Boy, when you take a spill
you really do it up right.
I've had worse than
this lots of times.
If you saw the
banana in the street
why didn't you go around it?
I wanted to squish
it and I did, too.
Well, it looks like it
squished you back.
You sure don't bleed much.
I could bleed
more if I wanted to.
How are things in
the operating room?
Oh, we're getting the
patient back together again.
Come on in and watch him bleed.
No, thanks.
I've seen him bleed.
Alice?
Alice?
Alice?!
Coming!
What's the problem, Mr. Brady?
A button's coming
off this shirt.
Could you sew one on real fast?
I've got ten minutes
to get downtown.
Sure. I'll zap one on
there for you in just a jiff...
On second thought, Mr. Brady,
I just won't have
time to do it right now.
Time? It will only
take you a minute.
I'm sorry.
I just can't do it. I'm
way behind schedule.
Say, I've got an idea.
Why don't you ask Mrs. Brady?
Yeah. I guess Carol
could sew a button.
Sure, she can.
I'll bet she's a heck of a
good button sewer-oner.
Carol?
Carol?!
You shouldn't have
taken it without asking!
I don't go taking your stuff!
Well, you weren't home!
I had to have a glove!
Well, use your own glove!
I couldn't find mine!
I bet you took it!
I never touched it!
Now look what you did!
You got the pocket
in the wrong place!
What's up, men?
Look at this, Alice.
He took my glove.
Now the whole
pocket's messed up.
Where's my glove?
You took it! I did not!
Somebody took it!
It's not where I left it!
Don't look at me!
All right!
Alice, tell him not
to get into my stuff.
My glove's gone! Alice,
make him give it back!
Wait a minute. Hold it!
I have no time to
referee your arguments.
Go in the house, both of
you, and talk to your mother.
She doesn't know
anything about our fights.
She raised three girls.
She knows plenty about fights.
Aw, Alice... I'm sorry, fellas.
I got no time. Now go.
She'll give you a fair deal.
Go on.
I'll show you.
I left my glove right here
and when I came
back, it was gone.
So he took mine. You took mine.
You say that once more
and I'm gonna pop you one.
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Now, Peter, you lost...
I didn't lose it. He took it.
I warned you.
Wait, maybe
someone else took it.
Like who?
Who'd be the last
person you'd suspect?
You?
I thought baseball
season was over.
Come here.
Is this what you're looking for?
Yeah. Thanks.
Don't you owe Greg an apology?
Yeah. Greg, I'll
owe you an apology.
Peter... I'm sorry, Greg.
Carry on, men.
How about that?
Hi, Alice. How's it going?
It's been a good day.
No floods, no fires,
no broken bones.
Can't ask for more than that.
Mrs. Brady upstairs?
I think so.
Good. Carol?
Oh, Mike.
Mike, big news.
We got a tax refund?
Oh, better than that.
The ice is melting.
The boys are
starting to come to me
with their problems.
Oh, well, my boys
know a good thing
when they see it.
Oh, no, really, Mike.
For the first time,
they asked for me.
And you even asked
me to sew on that button.
Oh, yeah, well.
For the first time
I felt like a mother and a wife.
I nearly cried.
Well, I told you things
would smooth out.
Oh, I know, but it
happened so suddenly.
I was overwhelmed.
Look what you did to me!
It's your own fault!
You started it!
You did it on purpose!
Hey, hey, wait a minute, fellas.
What's going on here?
Look what he did
to me, the dirty rat.
Never mind with the names,
just tell me what happened.
He threw some mud at
me so I threw some at him.
Mine was an accident.
Well, if you ask me, fellas...
Mom, look what
Peter did to me, Mom!
Don't believe him, Mom.
He started the whole thing.
Hi, Alice. Hi, Greg.
Seen Mom?
Yeah, she's upstairs.
Anything I can do?
I got a hang-up on
my math assignment.
Oh, maybe I can give you a hand.
That's okay.
Mom's a whiz at this stuff.
She helped me twice this week.
Well, I'm pretty
good at math myself.
Thanks, but it's pretty tricky.
Mom explains it great.
Hello, Stokey.
Good morning, Alice.
Let me carry this in.
Package for the Brady boys.
Say, I'll bet that's
that giant telescope kit
they sent away for.
Greg! Peter! Bobby!
Boy, we've been
waiting for this.
We? Are you in
on this deal, too?
Well, I helped them
send away for it.
I'm sort of a
live-in scoutmaster.
I go along with the
boys on their projects.
Well, lots of luck
with the telescope
and give my regards to Jupiter.
Thanks. I will.
Hey, boys! The
telescope is here!
Yahoo! It's here!
Oh, man, look at
the size of that box!
Bobby, look what we got!
Let's open it up and
see what it looks like!
Let's show it to Mom. Come on.
I thought it would never come.
Hey, Mom, look what we got!
Mom, we got a telescope!
It's finally here.
Here she comes.
Marcia said you all
wanted to see me.
Well?
There's something going on
and we don't understand it.
Something going on?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's about Marcia
and Cindy and me.
Us girls.
Oh.
Well, come on, let's sit down
and talk this over.
Now then, what's this all about?
How come the boys are
more important than we are?
What?
You're always helping them
with their games and their
homework and everything.
You spend way
more time with them.
Do you like them better than us?
I'm sorry, girls.
I should have realized.
I've been paying
some extra attention
to Greg and Bobby and Peter
because they haven't had
a mother for a long time.
And I want them to
feel that I'm just as much
their mother as I am yours.
That we're all one family.
I love you just as much as ever.
We love you, too, mommy.
Hi, Alice.
Oh, hi, Mr. Brady.
How did it go today?
Okay.
Good.
Mr. Brady, I was wondering
if you're not busy tonight
if I might speak to
you and Mrs. Brady.
Sure. Anything wrong?
Oh, no. Just something
I'd like to talk to you about.
Sure. We'll, uh,
do it this evening.
Yeah.
Alice, uh, are you all right?
I'm fine.
Noisy, but fine.
It's not that I have
any complaints.
Some of the happiest
moments of my life
have been spent
right here in this house.
Alice, you're beating
around the bush.
Now, what's bugging you?
Nothing. Nothing.
It's just that...
well, what I'm
trying to say is, um...
Well, I felt something's
been bothering you
the last two days.
Is it the girls?
Oh, no. Oh, no. They're dolls.
No, you see,
what it really is...
well, you see, I have
this aunt of mine.
Your aunt?
Yeah. My uncle's wife.
And she's getting
along in years.
And now she's developed
this ailment in her liver.
Or her kidney.
One of those things in there.
Alice, you never
mentioned you had an aunt.
Where does she live?
Oh, uh, oh, uh,
she lives in, uh...
Seattle is where she lives.
That's where my
uncle lived, too.
Anyway, she's,
uh, got this ailment
and she's been going
downhill, oh, real fast.
And she asked me if I
couldn't come and be with her.
What could I say?
What with her going
downhill like that.
Alice, I'm sorry
about your aunt.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, Auntie's strange that way.
She doesn't like her
liver spread around.
Alice, are you trying to
tell us that you're leaving?
Oh, I wouldn't put it
that way, Mr. Brady.
It's just that my
aunt really needs me
and I thought...
Well, under the
circumstances, it's...
When you really
get down to it...
like you said, I'm leaving.
I understand how
you feel, Alice,
but why are you
making it so permanent?
Take a week or two off.
Then if your aunt gets better...
I don't think so. No.
She's the type when
she goes downhill,
she just picks up speed.
I've just got to go
and be with her.
I hate to see you leave, Alice.
You've been here
with me and the boys
for a long time.
Seven years...
four months, 13
days and 9-1/2 hours.
Oh, it'll be a terrible
shock to the boys.
Oh, they'll be fine.
They have you and the
girls, you're a family now.
So if it's okay
I'll plan to leave
tomorrow night.
Take the plane south.
South? To Seattle?
Oh, uh, well, that-that's
the way that the planes go.
I mean, they head
south when they take off
before they turn
around and go north.
Greg.
What?
Is Alice really going to leave?
That's what Mom and Dad said.
I thought she was going
to stay here forever.
So did I.
Boy, I'm really
going to miss her.
Not as much as me.
Why don't you two knock it off?
We're big guys now
not little kids like when
she first came here.
We got to act grown up.
I'm going to miss her, too.
Come in.
You guys asleep?
No.
We couldn't sleep either.
We were all talking.
About Alice.
Well, we don't
want to talk about it.
We were thinking...
I don't care what
you were thinking.
Well, you don't have
to get nasty about it.
Yeah.
Girls, I think I
understand this.
The boys have known Alice
a lot longer than we have.
Now come on.
It's just not going to be
the same without Alice.
Well, we can't make her stay.
Abraham Lincoln
put a stop to that.
I talked my fool head
off trying to convince her.
And she decided so suddenly.
Yeah, I can't figure it out.
Well, good night, honey.
Good night, dear.
Mike.
What?
You don't believe that
story about her aunt
any more than I do.
We've got to find out the truth.
Honey, what do you want to do?
Put her under a bright light
or drip water on her forehead?
We'll talk about
it in the morning.
Okay.
Good night.
Mike.
Now what?
Doesn't it seem strange to you
she never mentioned
an aunt in Seattle before?
No, not especially.
I have an aunt in Albuquerque
and I never mentioned it.
Now please, could
we get some sleep?
Okay.
Good night.
Good night. Love you.
Carol.
What?
When we got married
I doubled the
size of the family.
Alice has twice as much
cooking, and laundry and cleaning
and I never offered her a raise.
I got to give her more money.
Even if it hurts a little.
Yeah, that's the answer.
Nothing could be
farther from the truth.
Alice, you deserve a raise.
Mr. Brady, it's not the money.
What is it?
It's like I said, it's my
aunt in Sacramento.
Sacramento?
If I'd known I was going
to draw such a big crowd
I'd have sold tickets.
Are you really gonna leave?
Afraid so, Peter.
Marcia and Jan and
me were just starting
to love you.
I'm going to miss all you kids.
If you're going to miss us,
why are you going?
Well, because I have to.
Who said?
Mom told you, dummy.
She's got to go to Seattle.
Do you like attle
better than us?
What?
They said you were
going to see attle.
Seattle... that's a
place like Mississippi.
Mrs. Who?
Get the phone, would you, Greg.
Mom's in there.
Hello.
Alice?
Just a minute. I'll call her.
Alice.
Coming.
Excuse me.
Oh. Thanks.
Hello. This is Alice.
Oh, hi, Myrtle.
Yeah, it's true,
Myrt, I'm leaving.
I was just in my room packing.
Plans? No I haven't
got any plans yet.
Why?
Things have kind of
changed around here, Myrt.
Now that Mr. Brady's married
I'm just not necessary anymore.
Yeah, who needs an old
Victrola when stereo comes in?
What's going on?
I found out why
Alice is leaving.
Jan and I were out in
the back near the kitchen
when Alice was on the phone.
We couldn't help hearing.
Marcia, you shouldn't eavesdrop.
It isn't nice.
It's bad manners.
It's, it's...
Well, come on, what'd she say?
She was talking to
Myrt and she told her...
Carol, are you
sure she said that?
An old Victrola?
I got it straight
from the Mafia.
You know that story
about her aunt in Seattle?
She made the whole thing up
because she thinks
we don't need her.
Now look, Carol, take her aside
and explain to her
that we do need her.
Write it in big
letters on the wall.
Mike, telling her
won't do any good.
She'll think we're
just being kind.
We have to show her.
Whatever we do,
we have to do it fast.
At 7:00 tonight she'll be
on a plane for Sacramento,
Seattle, Saskatchewan
or Siberia for all we know.
Now, do we all
understand the plan?
Yeah. My part's easy.
I know what to do.
I know what to do, too. So do I.
Good.
Aren't you going to ask Mommy?
Oh, I know what to do, sweetie.
Then we're all set.
Operation Alice is underway.
Alice, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be packing.
That's all done.
I just thought I'd get
this kitchen organized.
That's very thoughtful,
but go just go in and
relax, rest up for your trip.
Mr. Brady and I have to go out
to a formal dinner tonight...
You know, one of those
business social affairs.
If you're going out, who's
going to feed the kids?
Oh, I'll fix dinner
before we go.
Don't worry about that.
Mom, I've got to go.
I'm going to be late
for my club meeting
and I've got to bring the cake!
Well, we can go right now.
The car's out front.
What about dinner for the kids?
Oh, I'll fix that
when I get back.
Now, Alice, you relax.
Hey, you forgot the cake!
Hold it!
Wait a minute.
You show up without this cake
and you'll be out of the club.
Thanks, Alice. You're
really a big help.
Carol? I looked all over.
Where's my tuxedo?
Isn't it in the closet?
No.
I'll take care of
it. Thanks, Alice.
It's right next to your
dark blue suit, Mr. Brady.
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Alice.
Be right back, Alice.
Drive carefully, Mrs. Brady.
Alice, where'd Carol go?
She took Marcia
to a club meeting.
It's a heck of a time
to be chauffeuring
the kids around.
We have to be at
the Rockford's at 8:00
and you have to be
at the airport at 7:00.
Take it easy, Mr. Brady.
Mrs. Brady will be right back.
You get showered, into your tux,
and I'll get dinner
started for the kids.
Alice!
Peter, Alice isn't at
your beck and call.
Now, she's getting
ready to leave. What is it?
Tiger's run away again. I
can't find him anywhere.
He's gone.
Look, we're getting
ready to go out.
I can't stop to
chase that hound.
Mr. Brady, you get
dressed. I'll find the dog.
He's probably after that
cute poodle next door again.
Alice, let the
boys find the dog.
You're taking the day off.
Where's Greg?
He's over at Gordy's house.
He wanted me to tell you
he's gonna need a ride home.
Oh, brother.
Alice!
Alice!
All right, kids, be patient.
The dog will be back.
It's not Tiger. She
took my checkers!
They're my checkers!
They're mine! They are not!
Hold it! Hold it!
What are you doing?
Eating.
We'll eat after you
characters clear out of here
so that I can get
dinner started.
Out, out, out. Everybody out.
And hold it down.
Mrs. Brady, why don't
you let me feed the kids?
Alice, you shouldn't even
be here in the kitchen.
I've been lots of places
I wasn't supposed to be.
That outfit does not
go with chili burgers.
Alice!
Where's my black tie?
It's in the second
drawer from the top.
I've looked there.
All right, I'll come find it.
Brady residence.
You've got to be
kidding. Who is it?
Greg's at Gordy's house
and he wants a ride home.
We'll pick you up when
we take Alice to the airport.
Mom? Hold on a minute, Greg.
How's Marcia going to get home?
Marcia... oh!
Greg, are you still there?
Jan, run up and wash for dinner.
Listen, Greg, we'll pick you
up when we pick Marcia up
when we take Alice to
the airport. Just stay put.
Oh, Alice, will you please
help me with dinner?
Alice!
As soon as I find a black tie.
Well... how do I look?
Darling, you're beautiful.
Dad! Dad! Dad!
Don't let him touch me!
Out, out, out!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, your tuxedo!
You're a mess!
Oh, brother! Oh!
Oh, that's terrible.
Well, Alice, it's too bad
all the happy years
you've been with us
had to end this way.
I guess Seattle must
look pretty good by now.
Mr. Brady, if it's all right
with you and Mrs. Brady
I think I'd like to postpone
Seattle for a while.
Alice, can you?
I think so, Mr. Brady.
That would be wonderful.
But what about downhill Auntie?
I hear she's perking up.
Oh, Alice.
I just had a thought.
Since you two have
to leave the house now
to make this act look legitimate
why don't you two
go out to supper
and have some fun?
You mean you
knew we were acting?
There go our Oscars.
Well, I'll tell you
when you had to go out formal
and the kids had to be
fed and the dog got lost
and Marcia needed
a ride to the club
and then Greg needed a ride home
and the black tie got misplaced
I was suspicious.
But when Bobby and Peter ran in
and splattered
mud on your tuxedo
I knew I was being hustled.
Alice, we were just trying
to prove something to you.
Well, you proved it all right.
If you go to all that trouble
to make me feel wanted
you really got to mean it.
Alice... you know
we do. Will you stay?
Sure, I'll stay.
Alice, you're marvelous.
Absolutely the greatest!
Oh, honey.
Stop it. You're
embarrassing her.
Are you kidding? I love it.
Go on, you can
think of some more.
Sensational. Unforgettable.
Terrific.
Kids, she's going to stay.
Good morning, Alice.
Good morning, Mr. Brady.
Good morning, Alice.
Morning, Mrs. Brady.
Alice, would you pick up
my gray suit at the cleaners?
Yes, sir. It's nice
to feel needed.
And I have a shopping
list for the market, Alice.
Yes, ma'am, I'll take
care of that this morning.
By the way, my golf
clubs need polishing.
Oh, that reminds me, all the
hair brushes need cleaning.
Oh, and, Alice, would you
vacuum the car? It's a mess.
I have a new arrangement
for the furniture
in the living room.
Yes, and another
thing... Hold it! Hold it!
Nobody wants to
be needed that much.
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when ♪
♪ The lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was ♪
♪ Much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group ♪
♪ Must somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way they all ♪
♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way they became ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪
Alice!
Alice! Ow, I ripped myself!
Oh, let me see, Bobby.
Oh, what happened?
I fell off my bike!
Yeah, you banged that
knee up pretty good.
How fast were you going,
300-400 miles an hour?
I was going around the corner
and I hit a banana.
Well, that will
do it every time.
Park yourself over here.
We'll get it
bandaged in a jiffy.
All work guaranteed
or your money back.
What's going on?
What's all the noise?
Hot rod Charlie hit a banana.
Looks like he hit
more than that.
Your poor knee.
You think I'm messed up
you ought to see my bike.
Banged up, huh?
Like a pretzel.
Come on, let's hobble upstairs
and I'll get you bandaged up.
Alice can do it.
Oh.
Okay.
You might get a
better deal upstairs.
You always do it real good.
Well, as long as
you're all right.
Next time, look out
for those bananas.
You know, you're not very smart.
You had a chance
at a pretty nurse
and you blew it.
But, Alice, you
always fix my knees
and elbows and things.
Well, the more I think about it
the more I think
you better go upstairs
to your mother.
Why?
I'm too busy right now.
I don't have time to fool
around with scraped knees.
But you said...
All right, so I changed my mind.
This is a kitchen, not
an emergency ward.
Aw, but, Alice...
Don't "but, Alice" me.
Go on upstairs, scoot.
Oh.
Boy, when you take a spill
you really do it up right.
I've had worse than
this lots of times.
If you saw the
banana in the street
why didn't you go around it?
I wanted to squish
it and I did, too.
Well, it looks like it
squished you back.
You sure don't bleed much.
I could bleed
more if I wanted to.
How are things in
the operating room?
Oh, we're getting the
patient back together again.
Come on in and watch him bleed.
No, thanks.
I've seen him bleed.
Alice?
Alice?
Alice?!
Coming!
What's the problem, Mr. Brady?
A button's coming
off this shirt.
Could you sew one on real fast?
I've got ten minutes
to get downtown.
Sure. I'll zap one on
there for you in just a jiff...
On second thought, Mr. Brady,
I just won't have
time to do it right now.
Time? It will only
take you a minute.
I'm sorry.
I just can't do it. I'm
way behind schedule.
Say, I've got an idea.
Why don't you ask Mrs. Brady?
Yeah. I guess Carol
could sew a button.
Sure, she can.
I'll bet she's a heck of a
good button sewer-oner.
Carol?
Carol?!
You shouldn't have
taken it without asking!
I don't go taking your stuff!
Well, you weren't home!
I had to have a glove!
Well, use your own glove!
I couldn't find mine!
I bet you took it!
I never touched it!
Now look what you did!
You got the pocket
in the wrong place!
What's up, men?
Look at this, Alice.
He took my glove.
Now the whole
pocket's messed up.
Where's my glove?
You took it! I did not!
Somebody took it!
It's not where I left it!
Don't look at me!
All right!
Alice, tell him not
to get into my stuff.
My glove's gone! Alice,
make him give it back!
Wait a minute. Hold it!
I have no time to
referee your arguments.
Go in the house, both of
you, and talk to your mother.
She doesn't know
anything about our fights.
She raised three girls.
She knows plenty about fights.
Aw, Alice... I'm sorry, fellas.
I got no time. Now go.
She'll give you a fair deal.
Go on.
I'll show you.
I left my glove right here
and when I came
back, it was gone.
So he took mine. You took mine.
You say that once more
and I'm gonna pop you one.
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
Now, Peter, you lost...
I didn't lose it. He took it.
I warned you.
Wait, maybe
someone else took it.
Like who?
Who'd be the last
person you'd suspect?
You?
I thought baseball
season was over.
Come here.
Is this what you're looking for?
Yeah. Thanks.
Don't you owe Greg an apology?
Yeah. Greg, I'll
owe you an apology.
Peter... I'm sorry, Greg.
Carry on, men.
How about that?
Hi, Alice. How's it going?
It's been a good day.
No floods, no fires,
no broken bones.
Can't ask for more than that.
Mrs. Brady upstairs?
I think so.
Good. Carol?
Oh, Mike.
Mike, big news.
We got a tax refund?
Oh, better than that.
The ice is melting.
The boys are
starting to come to me
with their problems.
Oh, well, my boys
know a good thing
when they see it.
Oh, no, really, Mike.
For the first time,
they asked for me.
And you even asked
me to sew on that button.
Oh, yeah, well.
For the first time
I felt like a mother and a wife.
I nearly cried.
Well, I told you things
would smooth out.
Oh, I know, but it
happened so suddenly.
I was overwhelmed.
Look what you did to me!
It's your own fault!
You started it!
You did it on purpose!
Hey, hey, wait a minute, fellas.
What's going on here?
Look what he did
to me, the dirty rat.
Never mind with the names,
just tell me what happened.
He threw some mud at
me so I threw some at him.
Mine was an accident.
Well, if you ask me, fellas...
Mom, look what
Peter did to me, Mom!
Don't believe him, Mom.
He started the whole thing.
Hi, Alice. Hi, Greg.
Seen Mom?
Yeah, she's upstairs.
Anything I can do?
I got a hang-up on
my math assignment.
Oh, maybe I can give you a hand.
That's okay.
Mom's a whiz at this stuff.
She helped me twice this week.
Well, I'm pretty
good at math myself.
Thanks, but it's pretty tricky.
Mom explains it great.
Hello, Stokey.
Good morning, Alice.
Let me carry this in.
Package for the Brady boys.
Say, I'll bet that's
that giant telescope kit
they sent away for.
Greg! Peter! Bobby!
Boy, we've been
waiting for this.
We? Are you in
on this deal, too?
Well, I helped them
send away for it.
I'm sort of a
live-in scoutmaster.
I go along with the
boys on their projects.
Well, lots of luck
with the telescope
and give my regards to Jupiter.
Thanks. I will.
Hey, boys! The
telescope is here!
Yahoo! It's here!
Oh, man, look at
the size of that box!
Bobby, look what we got!
Let's open it up and
see what it looks like!
Let's show it to Mom. Come on.
I thought it would never come.
Hey, Mom, look what we got!
Mom, we got a telescope!
It's finally here.
Here she comes.
Marcia said you all
wanted to see me.
Well?
There's something going on
and we don't understand it.
Something going on?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's about Marcia
and Cindy and me.
Us girls.
Oh.
Well, come on, let's sit down
and talk this over.
Now then, what's this all about?
How come the boys are
more important than we are?
What?
You're always helping them
with their games and their
homework and everything.
You spend way
more time with them.
Do you like them better than us?
I'm sorry, girls.
I should have realized.
I've been paying
some extra attention
to Greg and Bobby and Peter
because they haven't had
a mother for a long time.
And I want them to
feel that I'm just as much
their mother as I am yours.
That we're all one family.
I love you just as much as ever.
We love you, too, mommy.
Hi, Alice.
Oh, hi, Mr. Brady.
How did it go today?
Okay.
Good.
Mr. Brady, I was wondering
if you're not busy tonight
if I might speak to
you and Mrs. Brady.
Sure. Anything wrong?
Oh, no. Just something
I'd like to talk to you about.
Sure. We'll, uh,
do it this evening.
Yeah.
Alice, uh, are you all right?
I'm fine.
Noisy, but fine.
It's not that I have
any complaints.
Some of the happiest
moments of my life
have been spent
right here in this house.
Alice, you're beating
around the bush.
Now, what's bugging you?
Nothing. Nothing.
It's just that...
well, what I'm
trying to say is, um...
Well, I felt something's
been bothering you
the last two days.
Is it the girls?
Oh, no. Oh, no. They're dolls.
No, you see,
what it really is...
well, you see, I have
this aunt of mine.
Your aunt?
Yeah. My uncle's wife.
And she's getting
along in years.
And now she's developed
this ailment in her liver.
Or her kidney.
One of those things in there.
Alice, you never
mentioned you had an aunt.
Where does she live?
Oh, uh, oh, uh,
she lives in, uh...
Seattle is where she lives.
That's where my
uncle lived, too.
Anyway, she's,
uh, got this ailment
and she's been going
downhill, oh, real fast.
And she asked me if I
couldn't come and be with her.
What could I say?
What with her going
downhill like that.
Alice, I'm sorry
about your aunt.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, Auntie's strange that way.
She doesn't like her
liver spread around.
Alice, are you trying to
tell us that you're leaving?
Oh, I wouldn't put it
that way, Mr. Brady.
It's just that my
aunt really needs me
and I thought...
Well, under the
circumstances, it's...
When you really
get down to it...
like you said, I'm leaving.
I understand how
you feel, Alice,
but why are you
making it so permanent?
Take a week or two off.
Then if your aunt gets better...
I don't think so. No.
She's the type when
she goes downhill,
she just picks up speed.
I've just got to go
and be with her.
I hate to see you leave, Alice.
You've been here
with me and the boys
for a long time.
Seven years...
four months, 13
days and 9-1/2 hours.
Oh, it'll be a terrible
shock to the boys.
Oh, they'll be fine.
They have you and the
girls, you're a family now.
So if it's okay
I'll plan to leave
tomorrow night.
Take the plane south.
South? To Seattle?
Oh, uh, well, that-that's
the way that the planes go.
I mean, they head
south when they take off
before they turn
around and go north.
Greg.
What?
Is Alice really going to leave?
That's what Mom and Dad said.
I thought she was going
to stay here forever.
So did I.
Boy, I'm really
going to miss her.
Not as much as me.
Why don't you two knock it off?
We're big guys now
not little kids like when
she first came here.
We got to act grown up.
I'm going to miss her, too.
Come in.
You guys asleep?
No.
We couldn't sleep either.
We were all talking.
About Alice.
Well, we don't
want to talk about it.
We were thinking...
I don't care what
you were thinking.
Well, you don't have
to get nasty about it.
Yeah.
Girls, I think I
understand this.
The boys have known Alice
a lot longer than we have.
Now come on.
It's just not going to be
the same without Alice.
Well, we can't make her stay.
Abraham Lincoln
put a stop to that.
I talked my fool head
off trying to convince her.
And she decided so suddenly.
Yeah, I can't figure it out.
Well, good night, honey.
Good night, dear.
Mike.
What?
You don't believe that
story about her aunt
any more than I do.
We've got to find out the truth.
Honey, what do you want to do?
Put her under a bright light
or drip water on her forehead?
We'll talk about
it in the morning.
Okay.
Good night.
Mike.
Now what?
Doesn't it seem strange to you
she never mentioned
an aunt in Seattle before?
No, not especially.
I have an aunt in Albuquerque
and I never mentioned it.
Now please, could
we get some sleep?
Okay.
Good night.
Good night. Love you.
Carol.
What?
When we got married
I doubled the
size of the family.
Alice has twice as much
cooking, and laundry and cleaning
and I never offered her a raise.
I got to give her more money.
Even if it hurts a little.
Yeah, that's the answer.
Nothing could be
farther from the truth.
Alice, you deserve a raise.
Mr. Brady, it's not the money.
What is it?
It's like I said, it's my
aunt in Sacramento.
Sacramento?
If I'd known I was going
to draw such a big crowd
I'd have sold tickets.
Are you really gonna leave?
Afraid so, Peter.
Marcia and Jan and
me were just starting
to love you.
I'm going to miss all you kids.
If you're going to miss us,
why are you going?
Well, because I have to.
Who said?
Mom told you, dummy.
She's got to go to Seattle.
Do you like attle
better than us?
What?
They said you were
going to see attle.
Seattle... that's a
place like Mississippi.
Mrs. Who?
Get the phone, would you, Greg.
Mom's in there.
Hello.
Alice?
Just a minute. I'll call her.
Alice.
Coming.
Excuse me.
Oh. Thanks.
Hello. This is Alice.
Oh, hi, Myrtle.
Yeah, it's true,
Myrt, I'm leaving.
I was just in my room packing.
Plans? No I haven't
got any plans yet.
Why?
Things have kind of
changed around here, Myrt.
Now that Mr. Brady's married
I'm just not necessary anymore.
Yeah, who needs an old
Victrola when stereo comes in?
What's going on?
I found out why
Alice is leaving.
Jan and I were out in
the back near the kitchen
when Alice was on the phone.
We couldn't help hearing.
Marcia, you shouldn't eavesdrop.
It isn't nice.
It's bad manners.
It's, it's...
Well, come on, what'd she say?
She was talking to
Myrt and she told her...
Carol, are you
sure she said that?
An old Victrola?
I got it straight
from the Mafia.
You know that story
about her aunt in Seattle?
She made the whole thing up
because she thinks
we don't need her.
Now look, Carol, take her aside
and explain to her
that we do need her.
Write it in big
letters on the wall.
Mike, telling her
won't do any good.
She'll think we're
just being kind.
We have to show her.
Whatever we do,
we have to do it fast.
At 7:00 tonight she'll be
on a plane for Sacramento,
Seattle, Saskatchewan
or Siberia for all we know.
Now, do we all
understand the plan?
Yeah. My part's easy.
I know what to do.
I know what to do, too. So do I.
Good.
Aren't you going to ask Mommy?
Oh, I know what to do, sweetie.
Then we're all set.
Operation Alice is underway.
Alice, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be packing.
That's all done.
I just thought I'd get
this kitchen organized.
That's very thoughtful,
but go just go in and
relax, rest up for your trip.
Mr. Brady and I have to go out
to a formal dinner tonight...
You know, one of those
business social affairs.
If you're going out, who's
going to feed the kids?
Oh, I'll fix dinner
before we go.
Don't worry about that.
Mom, I've got to go.
I'm going to be late
for my club meeting
and I've got to bring the cake!
Well, we can go right now.
The car's out front.
What about dinner for the kids?
Oh, I'll fix that
when I get back.
Now, Alice, you relax.
Hey, you forgot the cake!
Hold it!
Wait a minute.
You show up without this cake
and you'll be out of the club.
Thanks, Alice. You're
really a big help.
Carol? I looked all over.
Where's my tuxedo?
Isn't it in the closet?
No.
I'll take care of
it. Thanks, Alice.
It's right next to your
dark blue suit, Mr. Brady.
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Alice.
Be right back, Alice.
Drive carefully, Mrs. Brady.
Alice, where'd Carol go?
She took Marcia
to a club meeting.
It's a heck of a time
to be chauffeuring
the kids around.
We have to be at
the Rockford's at 8:00
and you have to be
at the airport at 7:00.
Take it easy, Mr. Brady.
Mrs. Brady will be right back.
You get showered, into your tux,
and I'll get dinner
started for the kids.
Alice!
Peter, Alice isn't at
your beck and call.
Now, she's getting
ready to leave. What is it?
Tiger's run away again. I
can't find him anywhere.
He's gone.
Look, we're getting
ready to go out.
I can't stop to
chase that hound.
Mr. Brady, you get
dressed. I'll find the dog.
He's probably after that
cute poodle next door again.
Alice, let the
boys find the dog.
You're taking the day off.
Where's Greg?
He's over at Gordy's house.
He wanted me to tell you
he's gonna need a ride home.
Oh, brother.
Alice!
Alice!
All right, kids, be patient.
The dog will be back.
It's not Tiger. She
took my checkers!
They're my checkers!
They're mine! They are not!
Hold it! Hold it!
What are you doing?
Eating.
We'll eat after you
characters clear out of here
so that I can get
dinner started.
Out, out, out. Everybody out.
And hold it down.
Mrs. Brady, why don't
you let me feed the kids?
Alice, you shouldn't even
be here in the kitchen.
I've been lots of places
I wasn't supposed to be.
That outfit does not
go with chili burgers.
Alice!
Where's my black tie?
It's in the second
drawer from the top.
I've looked there.
All right, I'll come find it.
Brady residence.
You've got to be
kidding. Who is it?
Greg's at Gordy's house
and he wants a ride home.
We'll pick you up when
we take Alice to the airport.
Mom? Hold on a minute, Greg.
How's Marcia going to get home?
Marcia... oh!
Greg, are you still there?
Jan, run up and wash for dinner.
Listen, Greg, we'll pick you
up when we pick Marcia up
when we take Alice to
the airport. Just stay put.
Oh, Alice, will you please
help me with dinner?
Alice!
As soon as I find a black tie.
Well... how do I look?
Darling, you're beautiful.
Dad! Dad! Dad!
Don't let him touch me!
Out, out, out!
Oh! Oh!
Oh, your tuxedo!
You're a mess!
Oh, brother! Oh!
Oh, that's terrible.
Well, Alice, it's too bad
all the happy years
you've been with us
had to end this way.
I guess Seattle must
look pretty good by now.
Mr. Brady, if it's all right
with you and Mrs. Brady
I think I'd like to postpone
Seattle for a while.
Alice, can you?
I think so, Mr. Brady.
That would be wonderful.
But what about downhill Auntie?
I hear she's perking up.
Oh, Alice.
I just had a thought.
Since you two have
to leave the house now
to make this act look legitimate
why don't you two
go out to supper
and have some fun?
You mean you
knew we were acting?
There go our Oscars.
Well, I'll tell you
when you had to go out formal
and the kids had to be
fed and the dog got lost
and Marcia needed
a ride to the club
and then Greg needed a ride home
and the black tie got misplaced
I was suspicious.
But when Bobby and Peter ran in
and splattered
mud on your tuxedo
I knew I was being hustled.
Alice, we were just trying
to prove something to you.
Well, you proved it all right.
If you go to all that trouble
to make me feel wanted
you really got to mean it.
Alice... you know
we do. Will you stay?
Sure, I'll stay.
Alice, you're marvelous.
Absolutely the greatest!
Oh, honey.
Stop it. You're
embarrassing her.
Are you kidding? I love it.
Go on, you can
think of some more.
Sensational. Unforgettable.
Terrific.
Kids, she's going to stay.
Good morning, Alice.
Good morning, Mr. Brady.
Good morning, Alice.
Morning, Mrs. Brady.
Alice, would you pick up
my gray suit at the cleaners?
Yes, sir. It's nice
to feel needed.
And I have a shopping
list for the market, Alice.
Yes, ma'am, I'll take
care of that this morning.
By the way, my golf
clubs need polishing.
Oh, that reminds me, all the
hair brushes need cleaning.
Oh, and, Alice, would you
vacuum the car? It's a mess.
I have a new arrangement
for the furniture
in the living room.
Yes, and another
thing... Hold it! Hold it!
Nobody wants to
be needed that much.