The Boys (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Episode #3.2 - full transcript
This Thursday
on VTV: Television for Women...
I guess I'm just searching for
a more purposeful life,
Mr. Adana.
The Church of the Collective
can offer you so much more.
We can offer you a family.
Mr. Adana,
tell me the truth.
Are you having me followed?
I had to find out
if you were putting
the Church first,
before your career.
Before everything.
You branded me
with your initials!
It's enough.
I am afraid that you have become
a toxic personality, Deep.
Then you've left me no choice
but to run.
Not Without
My Dolphin.
Brought to you by Lean Lady
frozen dinners, by Vought.
Tonight, simulcast live
across VBS, VTV, VNN,
Vought Soul and Voughtemundo,
join me for my annual
Birthday Spectacular,
along with my cocaptain
Starlight,
as well as Emeril Lagasse,
Rascal Flatts, Supersonic,
the cast of Riverdale,
Dame Judi Dench
and, of course,
my dear friend Black Noir...
Hey, William.
Goddamn the pusher man,
am I right?
You really gonna shoot
that shit in your veins?
You know, I think I just might.
Odds are you'll die screaming.
Well,
I've gambled more for less.
I don't think
you're gonna do it.
Turn yourself into a Supe?
That's a new low, even for you.
Oh, I can go lower.
I can go straight to hell.
Butcher, you have to stop.
Please. For Becca.
This would break her heart.
Becca don't care what I do.
She's dead.
Hello, love.
A bit early, isn't it?
You said I could call you
after 8:00. It's 8:03.
Ah, yeah. Right you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Hunky-dory. Why?
You look tired.
Ah, just, uh,
had a naff night, that's all.
No sleep.
Did you watch the video I made?
Uh, no, no.
I, uh... I ain't had
a chance yet.
I think
you should watch it.
It kind of helps me
when I don't sleep so good.
Yeah, look, I told you
I'll watch it later.
Are you mad at me?
No, uh...
of course not.
Look, you're your mother's son.
And I'll always watch out
for you.
Just how I promised.
All right?
Hey there, sleepyhead.
Rise and shine. Big day.
Anything a little extra special
about today? Hmm?
It's my birthday, silly.
Hmm?
Okay, just blink if you want to
wish me a happy birthday, hmm?
Okay.
Okay,
so Red River is a group home
owned by a Vought subsidiary,
of course.
I guess that's where
Vicky grew up.
You mean Nadia?
God, I'm a fucking idiot.
I should have seen it.
- How could you have seen this?
- I don't know.
Maybe when she killed Rayner
or when she blew up Congress.
Goddamn it.
Maybe we leak it
to The Times.
No, she could head-pop everybody
in the office, me included.
Wait, wait, you're going in?
- Call in sick.
- We...
We have an all-hands at 3:00.
I've never missed one before.
What if we tell Butcher?
We tell Butcher I've been
a Supe's sidekick for a year?
Oh, Christ, he's never gonna
not torture me for this, is he?
Well, maybe he won't.
No. No, no, no. Look, we can...
handle this ourselves.
All right?
Just don't do anything.
- What, crazy, stupid?
- No.
Don't do anything
until I get back.
- Okay?
- You're leaving?
Yeah, it's the sound check
for Homelander's stupid
birthday special.
Wait for me.
Yeah. Okay.
Sure.
♪ Got your license
to drive me...
And pop, pop.
Head slide.
- I'll slide tonight. Thank you.
- Uh-huh.
Whew! Still got it.
Looks like you're back on
the "Sweet As I Wanna Be" tour.
Oh, wow.
No, this is humiliating.
That song was gross
when I was 18.
I sing it now, they're gonna
make me keep
a thousand feet from schools.
Then don't sing it.
That's easy for you to say.
You're already in The Seven.
I-I don't want to make waves.
Trust me... make waves.
Hey, Jay, um, could we run
my segment now, actually?
'Cause I only have a few lines.
Of course. Yeah.
Where's the fire, Starlight?
What,
are you on a break?
- Sir, happy birthday. I'm...
- Supersonic, right?
Yeah, that's right.
- Great to meet you.
- You, too.
Yeah.
You're a real, uh,
contender on American Hero.
Keep it up.
We could be teammates.
Oh, wow, I hope so, sir.
Of course, it doesn't hurt
that the show's judge
used to get come-drunk
on your chorizo picante.
Homelander,
sir, we're loading
- the prompter with Starlight's revisions.
- Sure.
- Revisions?
- Yeah.
I had Bruce make
a couple of tweaks,
- gave you some more juicy stuff.
- No.
After all, you are cocaptain.
Need you front and center.
- Roger, cue these up.
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
You know,
I got to admit,
I was a little unsure
about this.
But now,
honestly, I am just so excited
about what's coming.
Partner.
Ready
for rehearsal.
All right, mate?
Bloody hell, Janine.
You shot up.
You remember your Uncle Billy,
don't you?
Here.
I got this for you.
You and your dad
can build it together.
523 pieces of family fun.
Okay, one,
you don't just pop up here.
You call first.
And, two, eff Soldier Boy.
I don't give a mothereffin'
doo-doo how he checked out.
Ah, bollocks.
He didn't die like no hero.
I'll wager he went out
on his knees,
begging like a right cunt.
What the f...
Sorry, love.
Look,
if there's a weapon out there
that killed Soldier Boy,
then it can kill Homelander.
And that's got to be worth
something.
Now,
we're working our way
through his old team.
Frenchie and Kimiko are starting
with the Crimson Countess,
and I'm gonna hit up Gunpowder.
Sounds like you got
everything covered.
This ain't just anyone.
It's Soldier Boy.
You could close the book on him
once and for all.
For your dad. Your family.
Fuck off with that shit.
My father
died hunched over a desk,
obsessing over a dead man,
while he was ignoring
his two living children.
And I almost did
the same thing to her.
Thanks for coming by.
You're doing a bang-up job
with her, mate.
Butcher, hold on a second.
I might have one thing.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Welcome to
Brave Maeve's Inclusive Kingdom.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Don't forget to get
your photo with Brave Maeve.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
- You're the real hero.
- Smile.
Cotton candy here.
Doughnut burgers.
Get your hot doughnut burgers.
Que c'est... Hamburger
with a doughnut for a bun?
Truly, there is no God here.
♪ Everyone's a hero
at VoughtLand...
Homelander: Extreme Flight.
Can we go??
Come on. You want to wait
three hours
for a three-minute ride
that is a monument to a monster?
- I always wanted to!
- Since when?
Since Kenji and I were little.
Okay, first, work,
then pleasure.
Oui?
Okay.
Let's go. Come on.
♪ Everyone's
a hero at VoughtLand...
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Mon coeur.
♪ Everyone's a hero
at VoughtLand...
"Soldier Boy:
A Musical Journey"
is about to begin.
Get your tickets now.
Soldier Boy grew up
in the birthplace
of American liberty.
Born poor on the mean streets
of South Philadelphia,
he learned the values of
hard work, tenacity and bravery.
He used those values to prove
America's exceptionalism
to the world.
Okay, boys, let's give
these Krauts some hell.
He defended us
against the encroaching
Red Menace.
Congress,
I have a list right here
of avowed Communists.
He helped
guide America
into a brighter future,
and along the way,
he found the love
of a good woman,
which made his sacrifice
all the more noble,
when he gave his life saving us
from a nuclear holocaust.
Please join us
in saluting Soldier Boy.
Next!
You seem a little old
for the Countess Tea Package.
We're young at heart.
Oh, sweetie.
Can't you talk?
Would you like
to hear something new?
Okay.
♪ Don't cry...
You know that chimps are
physically incapable of crying?
But that doesn't mean they're
not crying on the inside.
♪ In the heart of the jungle...
She's nice.
She's nuts!
No, she's not.
Let's get it over with!
Fine.
♪ For a species to...
Wh-What are you...
Wh-What are you... Ow!
Don't let her hands touch!
Ow! Let go of me, you bitch.
No fireball if your hands
don't touch, oui?
You stay quiet and relax.
- She will hurt you.
- What do you want?
We want to know
about Soldier Boy.
What the fuck do you care
about Soldier Boy?
We want the truth
about Soldier Boy,
not the merde you've been giving
us in your appalling show.
How did he die?
Who killed him? Talk.
The show is the truth, motherfucker.
- Three minutes with the Countess.
- He died a hero.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Oh, my God.
♪ Don't cry...
Allez.
We got to go. Come on.
Goddamn it.
Fuck!
God...
Hughie, my man.
You okay?
A-Alex? Uh...
Uh, where's Annie?
She's actually onstage
with Homelander.
It's a crazy fucking day, man.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, so glad that
you're-you're there with her.
Um, hey, why'd you, uh...
why'd you pick up the phone?
Well, you called three times
in the last three minutes.
- Is anything wrong?
- No, no, everything's good.
Everything's fine. Just tell her
that I called, okay?
Uh...
It is such an honor
to be with you all tonight,
celebrating my... my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
Now, before we bring out
Dame Judi Dench,
I would like to take a moment...
Uh, hey, Jay. What's that?
I'm supposed to be announcing
the Starlight House.
You sing me "Happy Birthday."
Fun, right?
Go on. Go for it.
Oh, hey, hey.
Hold on, hold on,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Um, Starlight.
Listen, Starlight, I-I...
...hate to direct you, but, um,
we're gonna need a little more
"JFK just got rimmed out
by Marilyn" version.
It's got to fit
with the routine.
A-Actually,
show her the routine.
You're gonna
fucking love this.
- That's your backup.
- Okay...
Okay, uh,
hold on, everybody.
Okay, ladies, thank you.
Just stand down, okay?
Real quick.
Can I talk to Roger?
- Uh, yeah, sure, abso...
- Problem?
I have...
concerns.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay, well, uh,
what are they?
- It's demeaning.
- It's demeaning
to sing your friend
"Happy Birthday"?
Are you gonna sing all sexy
for me on my birthday?
Starlight, where... wh-what's
with all this animosity?
Hey, um, can we just have
one minute, please?
- Yes. Go.
- Thank you.
Hey, um... Okay.
- For the record...
- Mm-hmm.
I know you don't care
whether I sing or not.
This is a juvenile attempt
to get me to look like a sex
doll instead of a cocaptain.
I'm not doing it.
I have an idea.
Why don't you lighten
the fuck up?
Come on, you're gonna sing
the shit out of this song.
- Ready? Let's hit it.
- If Starlight
doesn't want to sing,
she doesn't sing.
Stan. What a surprise.
Our testing shows
that 76% of likely viewers
will make every effort to watch
tonight for Starlight.
As for you, 53% might DVR.
I think that that means
that she can
call her own shots. Don't you?
So how about I just walk, Stan?
How would that rate?
After the PR hole you dug
for yourself this past year,
I'd say you're lucky we're
putting on this farce at all.
But hey, it's your party.
You can cry if you want to.
- Damn, Annie.
- Hmm.
What happened to you
in New York?
I started making waves.
Thank you so much
for coming in.
Have you met
my new development exec?
Hi. I'm also Ashley.
Uh-huh.
We are super curious to hear
what you have for us today.
- Mm-hmm. So curious.
- I've been thinking a lot
about all the ways that I can
contribute around here.
Maybe I can't run
as fast as I used to,
but I've never just been
the world's fastest man.
Like, there's a lot
of layers to the A-Train
that people haven't seen yet.
Such as?
Well, I'm also a-a strong,
very proud Black man.
Right, Seth?
Seth, come on, man.
Tell them.
Right. Um...
The Seven have been dipping
in the African American demo.
Our numbers for Dawn of
The Seven have been soft.
People of color don't tend
to react well to Nazis.
- Facts.
- We thought a rebranding of A-Train
maybe could change that.
If done tastefully.
- A rebranding.
- So, listen,
we start with a docuseries
on Vought Soul.
A-Train to Africa.
- Boom.
- The art's, uh,
just a mock-up.
It'll trace his family's journey
from the plains of Africa
all the way to Vought Tower.
Yeah, like, I want to get back
in touch with my roots.
Like in Roots.
And for the Gen Z's,
a state-of-the-art interactive
learning experience.
Is that a video game
about the slave trade?
It's some powerful stuff.
It's really something.
I even had LJ redesign the suit.
You know, for the culture.
- I want to introduce it tonight.
- Oh, yeah, no,
let's have a beat on that
and think about that.
- Okay. Wow.
- Okay.
Thank you so much
for that pitch.
That was so well told.
Mm-hmm. So well told.
All right. Yeah.
We're gonna discuss
with the team
and-and get back to you.
Cool. Yeah. Thanks.
See you tonight.
I'm kind of surprised that
they didn't buy it in the room.
She hated it.
What? No.
Man, she said it was
"well told."
Yeah, that's code
for she fucking hated it.
Look, man, she didn't buy it
because it's total bullshit.
You couldn't care less
about your African roots.
You know it, and she knows it,
and frankly, Africa knows it.
Yeah?
You don't have a fucking dick.
So, uh, where at Vought
do you work?
Um, uh, the Tower,
social media, up on 47th.
Um, I'm sorry,
you said you don't get
many potential parents?
Well, you know what kind
of a home we are, right?
Yeah, no, of course,
it's a group home...
...for the s-super-abled.
Mason, please get down
from there.
Yeah, uh,
so many tragic stories,
but, uh, with
the right attention,
uh, they can bounce back
so quickly.
Yeah, they're little treasures.
Geez.
Teddy Still well,
we don't teleport.
- Can I play with my toys?
- Yeah.
So, their-their parents,
they're, uh...
Well, uh,
some of the kids,
they discovered their gifts
quite early,
before they were able
to control them.
But listen, I-I'm sure
you'd be perfectly safe.
Hey, can you...
Can you, uh... can you show me
the rest of the place?
- Uh, what did you want to see?
- Anything.
- Whatever you got.
- Oh.
Sorry, what, uh...
what is it, Teddy?
Hey, wait a minute. I know you.
You're Starlight's boyfriend?
- Uh...
- And you work at the bureau.
- Uh... No, no, I can...
- This is highly irregular.
Hey, hey, I-I can explain.
Um, okay, the-the truth is...
Starlight is-is the one
that sent me here.
I'm completely sterile.
Doctor says my sperm are bad.
Like, really, really bad,
like a bunch
of fat, dead tadpoles.
But we-we want a kid, and, um,
she wanted to keep it quiet,
so she sent me here
to cover for her.
I-I was never here, by the way.
We just want to keep it
about love and not publicity.
You know?
This is fantastic.
With a superhuman mother,
there is far less chance
of parental fatality.
Oh, yeah. That's great...
That's great news.
So, I have
a few standouts
that I think you'll be
pretty thrilled with.
You mind if I, uh,
just kind of flip around a bit?
Oh.
Thank you. Thank you. Sorry.
Move this over.
Sorry.
Is there
anything in particular
that you're looking for?
Um, boy, girl?
No, you know, we don't really
see gender that way.
- Well, Samir is South Asian.
- Mm-hmm.
That is
very hot right now.
No, that sounds great.
Wh... Uh, Samir...
- Right here? Okay.
- South Asian.
Nadia, do you
know why you're here today?
Did I do something wrong?
Not at all.
You've made so much progress.
That's why you're here.
You're getting
what you've always wanted.
You're-you're adopting me?
No, I can't adopt you,
sport, not technically.
It's more complicated
than you need to worry about.
But you are a very rare
and exceptional girl,
and you're coming with me.
I'm gonna take care of you now.
Is that all right?
"It has been
a terrible, horrible,
no good, very bad day.
My mom says
some days are like that.
Even in Australia."
You want me to read it again?
- Actually too old for that.
- Oh, you smart-ass.
Scoot. Let me talk to your mom.
Bad days do happen.
Maybe I need
to read this to you.
You have. About a million times
before bed.
- Anything in the news?
- Still nothing.
Good.
Tony was a friend of yours.
I understand why you'd be upset.
Somebody at Vought
dropped the ball.
I can't have people showing up
at my work calling me Nadia.
A cleaning crew
sterilized the site
within 15 minutes
of the incident.
No witnesses have come forward.
And if they do,
we'll deal with them.
The same way
you dealt with Tony.
Come on, sport.
Haven't I always
taken care of you?
Welcome. Next.
Ah, ah.
Oh. Sorry, mate.
Here you go.
Nice piece. Welcome.
Next.
Come through.
♪ And cheer for the freedoms
that it gave to you...
And I'll tell you
something,
if "Dakota" Bob Singer
gets elected president,
well, you say hello
to left-wing socialism.
'Cause I'll tell you this
right now,
he is gonna follow
the George Soros
globalist playbook to a T.
Step one, oppress the citizens
and confiscate their firearms.
Step two,
have it all gleefully reported
by the so-called news media.
- Fake news!
- And step three,
in every classroom
around the country,
they're gonna teach
your kids to hate America,
the Constitution
and the Second Amendment.
Good for us,
the silent majority,
and the Vought
Rifle Association,
let me tell you something,
we are armed and we're ready
to fight back.
Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't forget, two-for-one
on hollow-points on the way out.
Use the promo code "Gunpowder."
God bless y'all.
Excuse me, Mr. Powder.
I'm your number one fan.
I've bought all your rifles.
Every one of them.
That Vought VR-15. Ooh.
That is a hell of a gun.
Smooth trigger pull.
Smooth.
I'd shake your hand,
but, uh, well, you know.
Well, I appreciate that.
Yeah, I followed you
since your Payback days.
I mean, 14 years old,
picked to be
Soldier Boy's sidekick.
He was a great man.
Well, it's nice
meeting you, buddy.
You must've been chuffed, eh?
Helping him on his missions,
letting him watch you
on the bog,
stick his finger
up your bum a bit,
give him a sloppy little nosh.
All in a day's work
for a young ward, innit?
Like I haven't heard
that sidekick pedo shit
a thousand times before.
Why don't you do me a big
favor, buddy, and fuck off.
You're right. I'm sorry.
That's a filthy,
unsubstantiated rumor.
Goddamn right it is.
Till now.
This is a complaint
you filed to Vought,
begging to be taken off Payback
on account of, and I quote,
"Soldier Boy's habitual abuse."
Of course they buried it,
Vought being the cunts they are.
That right there is a fake.
- Course it is.
- I'm sorry, who are you?
I told you. Biggest fan.
And I want to help you.
Keep shtum.
Be a crying shame if your
red-meat faithful out there
found out you were Soldier Boy's
underage nob-gobbler.
Now, all I want to know
is what happened to him,
and you're gonna tell me.
Or maybe I put a bullet
in your head.
You do that,
and it'll be all over
the Interweb within an hour.
See, buddy, I don't give a shit.
'Cause that never happened.
Soldier Boy never
touched me like that.
Fuck.
Oh, my God! Don't jump!
Hi, Chelsea.
It's your lucky day.
Well, considering.
You're-you're my annual
birthday save.
- Don't come any closer.
- Life is a precious gift.
To throw yours away would be
a real slap in the Lord's face,
don't you think?
You don't want to go to hell
for all eternity, do you?
I'm Jewish. I...
All right, well, regardless,
just step back
from the ledge, please?
Okay, that's good.
Just don't be afraid
of the zoom.
You're not Roger Deakins.
Mike, frame up. He could
be flying down any second.
Yep. You got it.
Oh, fuck.
Come on, look. I'm here now.
If you jump, I'm just gonna
fly down and save you anyway.
It's all futile and...
Sh-She wouldn't...
It's my... It's my birthday.
She...
She...
You probably don't know this
because, you know, Jew,
but Jesus wasn't born
on the 25th of December.
That was piggybacked off a
pagan festival, and guess what.
Today is not
my birthday, either.
Nope.
Don't know when it is,
but sure as hell ain't today.
This was just chosen for me
by a marketing department.
I mean, I can't even
have a birthday at all.
I wasn't born.
I was just poured
out of a fucking test tube.
Immaculate conception.
I know exactly
how he must have felt.
Jesus.
You give
and you give...
You give
your whole fucking life,
and what happens?
People just tear you down.
Why do people
destroy their gods?
H-How is it fair
that you get saved,
while a beautiful,
perfect god gets killed?
You know what, Chelsea?
I think you should jump.
I-I don't think I want to.
You don't want to?
Why don't you show a little
follow-through, Chelsea?
- Jump.
- Please, I... I just want to get down.
I'm not suggesting anymore.
Jump.
No. No, please.
Oh, God, oh, God.
No, no, no.
No God.
The only man in the sky is me.
How the fuck did she bite off
her own tongue?
Storm front Million Dollar
Babied herself.
- That's horrible.
- Oh, so...
Daddy? It smells smoky.
It's okay, baby, I got it.
Fucking piece of shit.
Shut the fuck up!
I'm sorry.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hughie.
- Hi.
- Hey, where you been?
- Uh...
You know, just, um,
- working from home.
- Oh, my God, your hand.
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
It's nothing.
- I'm fine.
- So, who's Nadia?
Nadia?
Yeah, Scotty said some guy came
in yesterday, asking for Nadia.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
no, there was, there was a guy,
um, and he... he was
looking at your picture,
he said your name was Nadia,
said he knew you...
from, like, way back when.
You weren't gonna tell me?
Uh, no, I mean,
it was just some guy
off his meds, seemed like, yeah.
I'm sorry, I-I mean,
you're missing work, your hand.
- Lot going on.
- Hmm.
Is there something
I should know?
He was with me.
I'm sorry for stealing him
away from you, but...
we had some things
that we needed to discuss.
Very loudly, actually.
We made quite the scene
at Panera.
- Oh.
- I mean, it's a miracle nobody recognized me.
Yeah, sorry, I was, I was trying
to preserve just a tiny,
little shred of my dignity,
but, uh, we had a fight.
We didn't leave things
in the greatest place,
- so I thought I would come by and...
- Check up on me?
- Well, I was worried about you.
- Yeah, well, you know I can
handle some things
by myself, right?
- Okay, I'm just trying to help.
- I don't always need your help.
- I mean, you don't have to treat me like I'm a kid.
- Here I was thinking that I was
- treating you like my boyfriend.
- Well, you...
You know, this is actually
none of my business,
so I'm just, I'm gonna go.
Good-good luck with all of that.
- Oh, and Hughie?
- Yeah.
Cut her some slack.
You shouldn't be afraid
of a powerful woman.
Oh...
my God.
Uh, thanks for the save,
by the way.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
Well, uh, Alex said
that you were acting weird,
and I've been calling you
literally every five minutes.
- So...
- Right.
Shit. Sorry, I left
my phone off at Red River.
I thought we were gonna
handle that together.
I know.
I'm sorry.
- And you're bleeding.
- I know, because I can't open a fucking jar,
- because I can't do anything fucking right.
- Hughie.
What's going on?
Vicky was my friend.
I know her daughter.
She-she-she surprised me
in the office on my birthday.
We used to roll
through that office
like we were
the fucking Untouchables.
I thought things were finally,
finally going my way.
God, what a goddam joke I am.
Hey, that's not true, Hughie.
Oh, um...
I may have signed us up
to adopt a child.
Hey, look at that.
- There you go.
- Seven Tower.
- Amazing.
- Bye, Dad.
I love you,
baby.
- I love you, too.
- Mm.
All right.
Is Monique here?
Uh, Monique, Marvin's here.
Hey, you gonna stay for
Homelander's birthday special?
I got some brats on the grill.
Think I'll pass, but thanks.
Oh.
You know
I've been trying, Monique.
Been trying to stay away
from all of it.
The Supes.
Butcher.
For Janine.
- And for you.
- I know.
But this...
this Soldier Boy thing came up,
and you know
the baggage there, I...
I tried upping my meds, just...
You're having
bad thoughts again.
And the tics
and the compulsions.
Monique, I lost my shit
in front of Janine.
It's like, Soldier Boy,
he's like this...
this steel sliver
inside of my brain, after he...
I don't know what to do.
You need to go back to Butcher.
That's what.
I never wanted to try to turn
you into something you're not.
I-I hate that you're making
yourself sick over it.
Maybe I can't be
with you anymore, Marvin,
and I am so sorry for that.
But you should go do
what you have to do.
Face this shit down.
Please don't tell Janine
about this.
About any of it.
My pops, none of it.
I just want
to leave her out of it.
Janine will be
right here, waiting.
Just... stay safe for her.
Storm front
was right!
Storm front was right!
Storm front was right!
The Storm chasers
marched in Portland today,
mourning their fallen idol Storm front...
...when violence
broke out between...
Mon coeur. Look.
Look at this.
Six Flags in Queens bury.
We go tomorrow,
we ride the Greezed Lightnin'
and, uh, Steamin' Demon
until we vomit
the doughnut hamburgers, huh?
It was never about
the roller coaster.
I know.
Kenji and I didn't have
a childhood.
I just did the same thing
to that little girl
- and her brother.
- Little girl.
- No...
- How can they ever be children again?
Mon coeur, no.
That wasn't your fault.
I'll never be a normal girl
who likes roller coasters.
I'm broken
and can never be fixed.
Because of this poison,
this curse in my veins.
Hi, buddy.
I'm sorry I'm running late.
I thought I'd have time
to sneak in a haircut.
It always takes longer
than I think it will.
There's some Double Stufs
in the pantry,
but only two, mister.
More than two,
and I will know.
Okay. I'm hanging up now.
Just wanted to tell you that I
love you and I'll see you soon.
So, I love you,
and I'll see you soon.
Butcher?
You all right, mate?
Hey, um...
Frenchie told me
about Crimson Countess.
What the hell happened?
We was chasing down
something, but...
I-I'm gonna knock it
on the head.
Y-You was right the other day.
Things are good.
Ryan's good.
I should leave it
well enough alone,
before I go and fuck it all up.
You there?
Neuman's a Supe.
She's the head popper.
- Yeah, what?
- Yeah, she's pretty much Stan Edgar's daughter, too.
Past year of my life
has been a waste.
I thought we could fight Vought
the right way, but we can't.
It's all rigged.
If we're gonna take them down,
we have to do whatever it takes.
We have to do it your way.
Butcher, you there?
You got to be
fucking kidding me.
Get your ass off of my car.
Why you protecting Soldier Boy?
If he'd have slipped me
a length, I wouldn't hesitate.
I'd throw him
to the fucking dogs.
Oh, shit.
Okay, okay.
Please.
Soldier Boy used to slap me
around a little bit, all right?
It was just hazing
that went too far, all right?
- That's it.
- What fucking happened to him?
He didn't die in an accident,
all right?
The whole nuclear meltdown
thing, it was just bullshit.
I fucking know that.
What killed him?
I don't know.
I-I don't know!
I don't fucking know!
All right? We were in Nicaragua,
in fucking '84,
but I didn't see it happen.
- Well, you must have seen something.
- I didn't see shit.
Fuck, I was just a kid.
Ask the others.
Ask the fucking CIA.
- CIA?
- Yeah.
Yeah. We were
working with the CIA.
Who was the case officer?
Grace.
Grace... Grace Mallory.
All right? Fuck.
Look, please.
Please, look...
Look, I told you
everything I know.
All right? Please, just-just...
I know you did.
But it don't change
what you are.
Yeah.
- What the fuck is he wearing?
- Yeah!
What the fuck is he wearing?
Yeah, all right. Let's hear it
for Supersonic, everybody.
Get me fucking wardrobe.
Get me fucking wardrobe
so I can fucking choke them out!
All right, so now, I would like
to bring out our cocaptains.
So let's give it up
for Starlight
and the man of the hour
himself, Homelander!
- Happy birthday, Homelander.
- Hey, thank you.
- Yeah.
- I can see your girdle, you disgusting fat fuck.
Get off
the fucking stage.
Wow, I'm so honored
to be with you guys tonight
to celebrate my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
I'm here to do more than wish
you a happy birthday, though.
I'm thrilled to be announcing
a project that is near
and dear to my heart.
The Starlight House
is a nonprofit foundation
dedicated to helping
homeless and at-risk youth.
Hey, Homelander! Your Nazi died!
Did he just say his Nazi died?
Let's go.
Homelander...
He's just, he's a human.
He's just like the rest of us.
And we all make mistakes, right?
But we all deserve
second chances.
In that spirit,
Homelander has agreed
to donate $10 million...
- to the Starlight House, which is, I mean...
- No.
- Give... Come on. Give it up.
- No.
- Give it up for this guy.
- No. No. -
No.
Starlight lied to you just now.
She did.
I don't make mistakes.
I'm not "just like
the rest of you."
I'm stronger. I'm smarter.
I'm better. I am better.
I'm not some weak-kneed
fucking crybaby
that goes around fucking
apologizing all the time.
And why the fuck
would you want me to be?
Go to fucking commercial, Roger.
Go to fucking commercial.
Don't you dare
stop rolling, Roger!
All my life, people
have tried to control me.
My whole life.
Rich people, powerful people
have tried to muzzle me,
cancel me,
keep me impotent and obedient,
like I'm a fucking puppet.
You know what? It worked.
Because I allowed it to work.
And guess what.
If they can control me,
then you can bet your ass
they can control you.
They already do.
You just don't realize it.
I'm done.
I am done apologizing.
I am done being persecuted
for my strength.
You people should be
thanking Christ
that I am who and what I am,
because you need me.
You need me to save you.
You do.
I am the only one
who possibly can.
You're not the real heroes.
I'm the real hero.
I'm the real hero.
♪
on VTV: Television for Women...
I guess I'm just searching for
a more purposeful life,
Mr. Adana.
The Church of the Collective
can offer you so much more.
We can offer you a family.
Mr. Adana,
tell me the truth.
Are you having me followed?
I had to find out
if you were putting
the Church first,
before your career.
Before everything.
You branded me
with your initials!
It's enough.
I am afraid that you have become
a toxic personality, Deep.
Then you've left me no choice
but to run.
Not Without
My Dolphin.
Brought to you by Lean Lady
frozen dinners, by Vought.
Tonight, simulcast live
across VBS, VTV, VNN,
Vought Soul and Voughtemundo,
join me for my annual
Birthday Spectacular,
along with my cocaptain
Starlight,
as well as Emeril Lagasse,
Rascal Flatts, Supersonic,
the cast of Riverdale,
Dame Judi Dench
and, of course,
my dear friend Black Noir...
Hey, William.
Goddamn the pusher man,
am I right?
You really gonna shoot
that shit in your veins?
You know, I think I just might.
Odds are you'll die screaming.
Well,
I've gambled more for less.
I don't think
you're gonna do it.
Turn yourself into a Supe?
That's a new low, even for you.
Oh, I can go lower.
I can go straight to hell.
Butcher, you have to stop.
Please. For Becca.
This would break her heart.
Becca don't care what I do.
She's dead.
Hello, love.
A bit early, isn't it?
You said I could call you
after 8:00. It's 8:03.
Ah, yeah. Right you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Hunky-dory. Why?
You look tired.
Ah, just, uh,
had a naff night, that's all.
No sleep.
Did you watch the video I made?
Uh, no, no.
I, uh... I ain't had
a chance yet.
I think
you should watch it.
It kind of helps me
when I don't sleep so good.
Yeah, look, I told you
I'll watch it later.
Are you mad at me?
No, uh...
of course not.
Look, you're your mother's son.
And I'll always watch out
for you.
Just how I promised.
All right?
Hey there, sleepyhead.
Rise and shine. Big day.
Anything a little extra special
about today? Hmm?
It's my birthday, silly.
Hmm?
Okay, just blink if you want to
wish me a happy birthday, hmm?
Okay.
Okay,
so Red River is a group home
owned by a Vought subsidiary,
of course.
I guess that's where
Vicky grew up.
You mean Nadia?
God, I'm a fucking idiot.
I should have seen it.
- How could you have seen this?
- I don't know.
Maybe when she killed Rayner
or when she blew up Congress.
Goddamn it.
Maybe we leak it
to The Times.
No, she could head-pop everybody
in the office, me included.
Wait, wait, you're going in?
- Call in sick.
- We...
We have an all-hands at 3:00.
I've never missed one before.
What if we tell Butcher?
We tell Butcher I've been
a Supe's sidekick for a year?
Oh, Christ, he's never gonna
not torture me for this, is he?
Well, maybe he won't.
No. No, no, no. Look, we can...
handle this ourselves.
All right?
Just don't do anything.
- What, crazy, stupid?
- No.
Don't do anything
until I get back.
- Okay?
- You're leaving?
Yeah, it's the sound check
for Homelander's stupid
birthday special.
Wait for me.
Yeah. Okay.
Sure.
♪ Got your license
to drive me...
And pop, pop.
Head slide.
- I'll slide tonight. Thank you.
- Uh-huh.
Whew! Still got it.
Looks like you're back on
the "Sweet As I Wanna Be" tour.
Oh, wow.
No, this is humiliating.
That song was gross
when I was 18.
I sing it now, they're gonna
make me keep
a thousand feet from schools.
Then don't sing it.
That's easy for you to say.
You're already in The Seven.
I-I don't want to make waves.
Trust me... make waves.
Hey, Jay, um, could we run
my segment now, actually?
'Cause I only have a few lines.
Of course. Yeah.
Where's the fire, Starlight?
What,
are you on a break?
- Sir, happy birthday. I'm...
- Supersonic, right?
Yeah, that's right.
- Great to meet you.
- You, too.
Yeah.
You're a real, uh,
contender on American Hero.
Keep it up.
We could be teammates.
Oh, wow, I hope so, sir.
Of course, it doesn't hurt
that the show's judge
used to get come-drunk
on your chorizo picante.
Homelander,
sir, we're loading
- the prompter with Starlight's revisions.
- Sure.
- Revisions?
- Yeah.
I had Bruce make
a couple of tweaks,
- gave you some more juicy stuff.
- No.
After all, you are cocaptain.
Need you front and center.
- Roger, cue these up.
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
You know,
I got to admit,
I was a little unsure
about this.
But now,
honestly, I am just so excited
about what's coming.
Partner.
Ready
for rehearsal.
All right, mate?
Bloody hell, Janine.
You shot up.
You remember your Uncle Billy,
don't you?
Here.
I got this for you.
You and your dad
can build it together.
523 pieces of family fun.
Okay, one,
you don't just pop up here.
You call first.
And, two, eff Soldier Boy.
I don't give a mothereffin'
doo-doo how he checked out.
Ah, bollocks.
He didn't die like no hero.
I'll wager he went out
on his knees,
begging like a right cunt.
What the f...
Sorry, love.
Look,
if there's a weapon out there
that killed Soldier Boy,
then it can kill Homelander.
And that's got to be worth
something.
Now,
we're working our way
through his old team.
Frenchie and Kimiko are starting
with the Crimson Countess,
and I'm gonna hit up Gunpowder.
Sounds like you got
everything covered.
This ain't just anyone.
It's Soldier Boy.
You could close the book on him
once and for all.
For your dad. Your family.
Fuck off with that shit.
My father
died hunched over a desk,
obsessing over a dead man,
while he was ignoring
his two living children.
And I almost did
the same thing to her.
Thanks for coming by.
You're doing a bang-up job
with her, mate.
Butcher, hold on a second.
I might have one thing.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Welcome to
Brave Maeve's Inclusive Kingdom.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Don't forget to get
your photo with Brave Maeve.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
- You're the real hero.
- Smile.
Cotton candy here.
Doughnut burgers.
Get your hot doughnut burgers.
Que c'est... Hamburger
with a doughnut for a bun?
Truly, there is no God here.
♪ Everyone's a hero
at VoughtLand...
Homelander: Extreme Flight.
Can we go??
Come on. You want to wait
three hours
for a three-minute ride
that is a monument to a monster?
- I always wanted to!
- Since when?
Since Kenji and I were little.
Okay, first, work,
then pleasure.
Oui?
Okay.
Let's go. Come on.
♪ Everyone's
a hero at VoughtLand...
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
♪ Everyone's a hero...
Mon coeur.
♪ Everyone's a hero
at VoughtLand...
"Soldier Boy:
A Musical Journey"
is about to begin.
Get your tickets now.
Soldier Boy grew up
in the birthplace
of American liberty.
Born poor on the mean streets
of South Philadelphia,
he learned the values of
hard work, tenacity and bravery.
He used those values to prove
America's exceptionalism
to the world.
Okay, boys, let's give
these Krauts some hell.
He defended us
against the encroaching
Red Menace.
Congress,
I have a list right here
of avowed Communists.
He helped
guide America
into a brighter future,
and along the way,
he found the love
of a good woman,
which made his sacrifice
all the more noble,
when he gave his life saving us
from a nuclear holocaust.
Please join us
in saluting Soldier Boy.
Next!
You seem a little old
for the Countess Tea Package.
We're young at heart.
Oh, sweetie.
Can't you talk?
Would you like
to hear something new?
Okay.
♪ Don't cry...
You know that chimps are
physically incapable of crying?
But that doesn't mean they're
not crying on the inside.
♪ In the heart of the jungle...
She's nice.
She's nuts!
No, she's not.
Let's get it over with!
Fine.
♪ For a species to...
Wh-What are you...
Wh-What are you... Ow!
Don't let her hands touch!
Ow! Let go of me, you bitch.
No fireball if your hands
don't touch, oui?
You stay quiet and relax.
- She will hurt you.
- What do you want?
We want to know
about Soldier Boy.
What the fuck do you care
about Soldier Boy?
We want the truth
about Soldier Boy,
not the merde you've been giving
us in your appalling show.
How did he die?
Who killed him? Talk.
The show is the truth, motherfucker.
- Three minutes with the Countess.
- He died a hero.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Oh, my God.
♪ Don't cry...
Allez.
We got to go. Come on.
Goddamn it.
Fuck!
God...
Hughie, my man.
You okay?
A-Alex? Uh...
Uh, where's Annie?
She's actually onstage
with Homelander.
It's a crazy fucking day, man.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, so glad that
you're-you're there with her.
Um, hey, why'd you, uh...
why'd you pick up the phone?
Well, you called three times
in the last three minutes.
- Is anything wrong?
- No, no, everything's good.
Everything's fine. Just tell her
that I called, okay?
Uh...
It is such an honor
to be with you all tonight,
celebrating my... my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
Now, before we bring out
Dame Judi Dench,
I would like to take a moment...
Uh, hey, Jay. What's that?
I'm supposed to be announcing
the Starlight House.
You sing me "Happy Birthday."
Fun, right?
Go on. Go for it.
Oh, hey, hey.
Hold on, hold on,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Um, Starlight.
Listen, Starlight, I-I...
...hate to direct you, but, um,
we're gonna need a little more
"JFK just got rimmed out
by Marilyn" version.
It's got to fit
with the routine.
A-Actually,
show her the routine.
You're gonna
fucking love this.
- That's your backup.
- Okay...
Okay, uh,
hold on, everybody.
Okay, ladies, thank you.
Just stand down, okay?
Real quick.
Can I talk to Roger?
- Uh, yeah, sure, abso...
- Problem?
I have...
concerns.
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, okay, well, uh,
what are they?
- It's demeaning.
- It's demeaning
to sing your friend
"Happy Birthday"?
Are you gonna sing all sexy
for me on my birthday?
Starlight, where... wh-what's
with all this animosity?
Hey, um, can we just have
one minute, please?
- Yes. Go.
- Thank you.
Hey, um... Okay.
- For the record...
- Mm-hmm.
I know you don't care
whether I sing or not.
This is a juvenile attempt
to get me to look like a sex
doll instead of a cocaptain.
I'm not doing it.
I have an idea.
Why don't you lighten
the fuck up?
Come on, you're gonna sing
the shit out of this song.
- Ready? Let's hit it.
- If Starlight
doesn't want to sing,
she doesn't sing.
Stan. What a surprise.
Our testing shows
that 76% of likely viewers
will make every effort to watch
tonight for Starlight.
As for you, 53% might DVR.
I think that that means
that she can
call her own shots. Don't you?
So how about I just walk, Stan?
How would that rate?
After the PR hole you dug
for yourself this past year,
I'd say you're lucky we're
putting on this farce at all.
But hey, it's your party.
You can cry if you want to.
- Damn, Annie.
- Hmm.
What happened to you
in New York?
I started making waves.
Thank you so much
for coming in.
Have you met
my new development exec?
Hi. I'm also Ashley.
Uh-huh.
We are super curious to hear
what you have for us today.
- Mm-hmm. So curious.
- I've been thinking a lot
about all the ways that I can
contribute around here.
Maybe I can't run
as fast as I used to,
but I've never just been
the world's fastest man.
Like, there's a lot
of layers to the A-Train
that people haven't seen yet.
Such as?
Well, I'm also a-a strong,
very proud Black man.
Right, Seth?
Seth, come on, man.
Tell them.
Right. Um...
The Seven have been dipping
in the African American demo.
Our numbers for Dawn of
The Seven have been soft.
People of color don't tend
to react well to Nazis.
- Facts.
- We thought a rebranding of A-Train
maybe could change that.
If done tastefully.
- A rebranding.
- So, listen,
we start with a docuseries
on Vought Soul.
A-Train to Africa.
- Boom.
- The art's, uh,
just a mock-up.
It'll trace his family's journey
from the plains of Africa
all the way to Vought Tower.
Yeah, like, I want to get back
in touch with my roots.
Like in Roots.
And for the Gen Z's,
a state-of-the-art interactive
learning experience.
Is that a video game
about the slave trade?
It's some powerful stuff.
It's really something.
I even had LJ redesign the suit.
You know, for the culture.
- I want to introduce it tonight.
- Oh, yeah, no,
let's have a beat on that
and think about that.
- Okay. Wow.
- Okay.
Thank you so much
for that pitch.
That was so well told.
Mm-hmm. So well told.
All right. Yeah.
We're gonna discuss
with the team
and-and get back to you.
Cool. Yeah. Thanks.
See you tonight.
I'm kind of surprised that
they didn't buy it in the room.
She hated it.
What? No.
Man, she said it was
"well told."
Yeah, that's code
for she fucking hated it.
Look, man, she didn't buy it
because it's total bullshit.
You couldn't care less
about your African roots.
You know it, and she knows it,
and frankly, Africa knows it.
Yeah?
You don't have a fucking dick.
So, uh, where at Vought
do you work?
Um, uh, the Tower,
social media, up on 47th.
Um, I'm sorry,
you said you don't get
many potential parents?
Well, you know what kind
of a home we are, right?
Yeah, no, of course,
it's a group home...
...for the s-super-abled.
Mason, please get down
from there.
Yeah, uh,
so many tragic stories,
but, uh, with
the right attention,
uh, they can bounce back
so quickly.
Yeah, they're little treasures.
Geez.
Teddy Still well,
we don't teleport.
- Can I play with my toys?
- Yeah.
So, their-their parents,
they're, uh...
Well, uh,
some of the kids,
they discovered their gifts
quite early,
before they were able
to control them.
But listen, I-I'm sure
you'd be perfectly safe.
Hey, can you...
Can you, uh... can you show me
the rest of the place?
- Uh, what did you want to see?
- Anything.
- Whatever you got.
- Oh.
Sorry, what, uh...
what is it, Teddy?
Hey, wait a minute. I know you.
You're Starlight's boyfriend?
- Uh...
- And you work at the bureau.
- Uh... No, no, I can...
- This is highly irregular.
Hey, hey, I-I can explain.
Um, okay, the-the truth is...
Starlight is-is the one
that sent me here.
I'm completely sterile.
Doctor says my sperm are bad.
Like, really, really bad,
like a bunch
of fat, dead tadpoles.
But we-we want a kid, and, um,
she wanted to keep it quiet,
so she sent me here
to cover for her.
I-I was never here, by the way.
We just want to keep it
about love and not publicity.
You know?
This is fantastic.
With a superhuman mother,
there is far less chance
of parental fatality.
Oh, yeah. That's great...
That's great news.
So, I have
a few standouts
that I think you'll be
pretty thrilled with.
You mind if I, uh,
just kind of flip around a bit?
Oh.
Thank you. Thank you. Sorry.
Move this over.
Sorry.
Is there
anything in particular
that you're looking for?
Um, boy, girl?
No, you know, we don't really
see gender that way.
- Well, Samir is South Asian.
- Mm-hmm.
That is
very hot right now.
No, that sounds great.
Wh... Uh, Samir...
- Right here? Okay.
- South Asian.
Nadia, do you
know why you're here today?
Did I do something wrong?
Not at all.
You've made so much progress.
That's why you're here.
You're getting
what you've always wanted.
You're-you're adopting me?
No, I can't adopt you,
sport, not technically.
It's more complicated
than you need to worry about.
But you are a very rare
and exceptional girl,
and you're coming with me.
I'm gonna take care of you now.
Is that all right?
"It has been
a terrible, horrible,
no good, very bad day.
My mom says
some days are like that.
Even in Australia."
You want me to read it again?
- Actually too old for that.
- Oh, you smart-ass.
Scoot. Let me talk to your mom.
Bad days do happen.
Maybe I need
to read this to you.
You have. About a million times
before bed.
- Anything in the news?
- Still nothing.
Good.
Tony was a friend of yours.
I understand why you'd be upset.
Somebody at Vought
dropped the ball.
I can't have people showing up
at my work calling me Nadia.
A cleaning crew
sterilized the site
within 15 minutes
of the incident.
No witnesses have come forward.
And if they do,
we'll deal with them.
The same way
you dealt with Tony.
Come on, sport.
Haven't I always
taken care of you?
Welcome. Next.
Ah, ah.
Oh. Sorry, mate.
Here you go.
Nice piece. Welcome.
Next.
Come through.
♪ And cheer for the freedoms
that it gave to you...
And I'll tell you
something,
if "Dakota" Bob Singer
gets elected president,
well, you say hello
to left-wing socialism.
'Cause I'll tell you this
right now,
he is gonna follow
the George Soros
globalist playbook to a T.
Step one, oppress the citizens
and confiscate their firearms.
Step two,
have it all gleefully reported
by the so-called news media.
- Fake news!
- And step three,
in every classroom
around the country,
they're gonna teach
your kids to hate America,
the Constitution
and the Second Amendment.
Good for us,
the silent majority,
and the Vought
Rifle Association,
let me tell you something,
we are armed and we're ready
to fight back.
Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't forget, two-for-one
on hollow-points on the way out.
Use the promo code "Gunpowder."
God bless y'all.
Excuse me, Mr. Powder.
I'm your number one fan.
I've bought all your rifles.
Every one of them.
That Vought VR-15. Ooh.
That is a hell of a gun.
Smooth trigger pull.
Smooth.
I'd shake your hand,
but, uh, well, you know.
Well, I appreciate that.
Yeah, I followed you
since your Payback days.
I mean, 14 years old,
picked to be
Soldier Boy's sidekick.
He was a great man.
Well, it's nice
meeting you, buddy.
You must've been chuffed, eh?
Helping him on his missions,
letting him watch you
on the bog,
stick his finger
up your bum a bit,
give him a sloppy little nosh.
All in a day's work
for a young ward, innit?
Like I haven't heard
that sidekick pedo shit
a thousand times before.
Why don't you do me a big
favor, buddy, and fuck off.
You're right. I'm sorry.
That's a filthy,
unsubstantiated rumor.
Goddamn right it is.
Till now.
This is a complaint
you filed to Vought,
begging to be taken off Payback
on account of, and I quote,
"Soldier Boy's habitual abuse."
Of course they buried it,
Vought being the cunts they are.
That right there is a fake.
- Course it is.
- I'm sorry, who are you?
I told you. Biggest fan.
And I want to help you.
Keep shtum.
Be a crying shame if your
red-meat faithful out there
found out you were Soldier Boy's
underage nob-gobbler.
Now, all I want to know
is what happened to him,
and you're gonna tell me.
Or maybe I put a bullet
in your head.
You do that,
and it'll be all over
the Interweb within an hour.
See, buddy, I don't give a shit.
'Cause that never happened.
Soldier Boy never
touched me like that.
Fuck.
Oh, my God! Don't jump!
Hi, Chelsea.
It's your lucky day.
Well, considering.
You're-you're my annual
birthday save.
- Don't come any closer.
- Life is a precious gift.
To throw yours away would be
a real slap in the Lord's face,
don't you think?
You don't want to go to hell
for all eternity, do you?
I'm Jewish. I...
All right, well, regardless,
just step back
from the ledge, please?
Okay, that's good.
Just don't be afraid
of the zoom.
You're not Roger Deakins.
Mike, frame up. He could
be flying down any second.
Yep. You got it.
Oh, fuck.
Come on, look. I'm here now.
If you jump, I'm just gonna
fly down and save you anyway.
It's all futile and...
Sh-She wouldn't...
It's my... It's my birthday.
She...
She...
You probably don't know this
because, you know, Jew,
but Jesus wasn't born
on the 25th of December.
That was piggybacked off a
pagan festival, and guess what.
Today is not
my birthday, either.
Nope.
Don't know when it is,
but sure as hell ain't today.
This was just chosen for me
by a marketing department.
I mean, I can't even
have a birthday at all.
I wasn't born.
I was just poured
out of a fucking test tube.
Immaculate conception.
I know exactly
how he must have felt.
Jesus.
You give
and you give...
You give
your whole fucking life,
and what happens?
People just tear you down.
Why do people
destroy their gods?
H-How is it fair
that you get saved,
while a beautiful,
perfect god gets killed?
You know what, Chelsea?
I think you should jump.
I-I don't think I want to.
You don't want to?
Why don't you show a little
follow-through, Chelsea?
- Jump.
- Please, I... I just want to get down.
I'm not suggesting anymore.
Jump.
No. No, please.
Oh, God, oh, God.
No, no, no.
No God.
The only man in the sky is me.
How the fuck did she bite off
her own tongue?
Storm front Million Dollar
Babied herself.
- That's horrible.
- Oh, so...
Daddy? It smells smoky.
It's okay, baby, I got it.
Fucking piece of shit.
Shut the fuck up!
I'm sorry.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hughie.
- Hi.
- Hey, where you been?
- Uh...
You know, just, um,
- working from home.
- Oh, my God, your hand.
Yeah. Yeah, no, that's...
It's nothing.
- I'm fine.
- So, who's Nadia?
Nadia?
Yeah, Scotty said some guy came
in yesterday, asking for Nadia.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
no, there was, there was a guy,
um, and he... he was
looking at your picture,
he said your name was Nadia,
said he knew you...
from, like, way back when.
You weren't gonna tell me?
Uh, no, I mean,
it was just some guy
off his meds, seemed like, yeah.
I'm sorry, I-I mean,
you're missing work, your hand.
- Lot going on.
- Hmm.
Is there something
I should know?
He was with me.
I'm sorry for stealing him
away from you, but...
we had some things
that we needed to discuss.
Very loudly, actually.
We made quite the scene
at Panera.
- Oh.
- I mean, it's a miracle nobody recognized me.
Yeah, sorry, I was, I was trying
to preserve just a tiny,
little shred of my dignity,
but, uh, we had a fight.
We didn't leave things
in the greatest place,
- so I thought I would come by and...
- Check up on me?
- Well, I was worried about you.
- Yeah, well, you know I can
handle some things
by myself, right?
- Okay, I'm just trying to help.
- I don't always need your help.
- I mean, you don't have to treat me like I'm a kid.
- Here I was thinking that I was
- treating you like my boyfriend.
- Well, you...
You know, this is actually
none of my business,
so I'm just, I'm gonna go.
Good-good luck with all of that.
- Oh, and Hughie?
- Yeah.
Cut her some slack.
You shouldn't be afraid
of a powerful woman.
Oh...
my God.
Uh, thanks for the save,
by the way.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
Well, uh, Alex said
that you were acting weird,
and I've been calling you
literally every five minutes.
- So...
- Right.
Shit. Sorry, I left
my phone off at Red River.
I thought we were gonna
handle that together.
I know.
I'm sorry.
- And you're bleeding.
- I know, because I can't open a fucking jar,
- because I can't do anything fucking right.
- Hughie.
What's going on?
Vicky was my friend.
I know her daughter.
She-she-she surprised me
in the office on my birthday.
We used to roll
through that office
like we were
the fucking Untouchables.
I thought things were finally,
finally going my way.
God, what a goddam joke I am.
Hey, that's not true, Hughie.
Oh, um...
I may have signed us up
to adopt a child.
Hey, look at that.
- There you go.
- Seven Tower.
- Amazing.
- Bye, Dad.
I love you,
baby.
- I love you, too.
- Mm.
All right.
Is Monique here?
Uh, Monique, Marvin's here.
Hey, you gonna stay for
Homelander's birthday special?
I got some brats on the grill.
Think I'll pass, but thanks.
Oh.
You know
I've been trying, Monique.
Been trying to stay away
from all of it.
The Supes.
Butcher.
For Janine.
- And for you.
- I know.
But this...
this Soldier Boy thing came up,
and you know
the baggage there, I...
I tried upping my meds, just...
You're having
bad thoughts again.
And the tics
and the compulsions.
Monique, I lost my shit
in front of Janine.
It's like, Soldier Boy,
he's like this...
this steel sliver
inside of my brain, after he...
I don't know what to do.
You need to go back to Butcher.
That's what.
I never wanted to try to turn
you into something you're not.
I-I hate that you're making
yourself sick over it.
Maybe I can't be
with you anymore, Marvin,
and I am so sorry for that.
But you should go do
what you have to do.
Face this shit down.
Please don't tell Janine
about this.
About any of it.
My pops, none of it.
I just want
to leave her out of it.
Janine will be
right here, waiting.
Just... stay safe for her.
Storm front
was right!
Storm front was right!
Storm front was right!
The Storm chasers
marched in Portland today,
mourning their fallen idol Storm front...
...when violence
broke out between...
Mon coeur. Look.
Look at this.
Six Flags in Queens bury.
We go tomorrow,
we ride the Greezed Lightnin'
and, uh, Steamin' Demon
until we vomit
the doughnut hamburgers, huh?
It was never about
the roller coaster.
I know.
Kenji and I didn't have
a childhood.
I just did the same thing
to that little girl
- and her brother.
- Little girl.
- No...
- How can they ever be children again?
Mon coeur, no.
That wasn't your fault.
I'll never be a normal girl
who likes roller coasters.
I'm broken
and can never be fixed.
Because of this poison,
this curse in my veins.
Hi, buddy.
I'm sorry I'm running late.
I thought I'd have time
to sneak in a haircut.
It always takes longer
than I think it will.
There's some Double Stufs
in the pantry,
but only two, mister.
More than two,
and I will know.
Okay. I'm hanging up now.
Just wanted to tell you that I
love you and I'll see you soon.
So, I love you,
and I'll see you soon.
Butcher?
You all right, mate?
Hey, um...
Frenchie told me
about Crimson Countess.
What the hell happened?
We was chasing down
something, but...
I-I'm gonna knock it
on the head.
Y-You was right the other day.
Things are good.
Ryan's good.
I should leave it
well enough alone,
before I go and fuck it all up.
You there?
Neuman's a Supe.
She's the head popper.
- Yeah, what?
- Yeah, she's pretty much Stan Edgar's daughter, too.
Past year of my life
has been a waste.
I thought we could fight Vought
the right way, but we can't.
It's all rigged.
If we're gonna take them down,
we have to do whatever it takes.
We have to do it your way.
Butcher, you there?
You got to be
fucking kidding me.
Get your ass off of my car.
Why you protecting Soldier Boy?
If he'd have slipped me
a length, I wouldn't hesitate.
I'd throw him
to the fucking dogs.
Oh, shit.
Okay, okay.
Please.
Soldier Boy used to slap me
around a little bit, all right?
It was just hazing
that went too far, all right?
- That's it.
- What fucking happened to him?
He didn't die in an accident,
all right?
The whole nuclear meltdown
thing, it was just bullshit.
I fucking know that.
What killed him?
I don't know.
I-I don't know!
I don't fucking know!
All right? We were in Nicaragua,
in fucking '84,
but I didn't see it happen.
- Well, you must have seen something.
- I didn't see shit.
Fuck, I was just a kid.
Ask the others.
Ask the fucking CIA.
- CIA?
- Yeah.
Yeah. We were
working with the CIA.
Who was the case officer?
Grace.
Grace... Grace Mallory.
All right? Fuck.
Look, please.
Please, look...
Look, I told you
everything I know.
All right? Please, just-just...
I know you did.
But it don't change
what you are.
Yeah.
- What the fuck is he wearing?
- Yeah!
What the fuck is he wearing?
Yeah, all right. Let's hear it
for Supersonic, everybody.
Get me fucking wardrobe.
Get me fucking wardrobe
so I can fucking choke them out!
All right, so now, I would like
to bring out our cocaptains.
So let's give it up
for Starlight
and the man of the hour
himself, Homelander!
- Happy birthday, Homelander.
- Hey, thank you.
- Yeah.
- I can see your girdle, you disgusting fat fuck.
Get off
the fucking stage.
Wow, I'm so honored
to be with you guys tonight
to celebrate my dear friend
and mentor Homelander.
I'm here to do more than wish
you a happy birthday, though.
I'm thrilled to be announcing
a project that is near
and dear to my heart.
The Starlight House
is a nonprofit foundation
dedicated to helping
homeless and at-risk youth.
Hey, Homelander! Your Nazi died!
Did he just say his Nazi died?
Let's go.
Homelander...
He's just, he's a human.
He's just like the rest of us.
And we all make mistakes, right?
But we all deserve
second chances.
In that spirit,
Homelander has agreed
to donate $10 million...
- to the Starlight House, which is, I mean...
- No.
- Give... Come on. Give it up.
- No.
- Give it up for this guy.
- No. No. -
No.
Starlight lied to you just now.
She did.
I don't make mistakes.
I'm not "just like
the rest of you."
I'm stronger. I'm smarter.
I'm better. I am better.
I'm not some weak-kneed
fucking crybaby
that goes around fucking
apologizing all the time.
And why the fuck
would you want me to be?
Go to fucking commercial, Roger.
Go to fucking commercial.
Don't you dare
stop rolling, Roger!
All my life, people
have tried to control me.
My whole life.
Rich people, powerful people
have tried to muzzle me,
cancel me,
keep me impotent and obedient,
like I'm a fucking puppet.
You know what? It worked.
Because I allowed it to work.
And guess what.
If they can control me,
then you can bet your ass
they can control you.
They already do.
You just don't realize it.
I'm done.
I am done apologizing.
I am done being persecuted
for my strength.
You people should be
thanking Christ
that I am who and what I am,
because you need me.
You need me to save you.
You do.
I am the only one
who possibly can.
You're not the real heroes.
I'm the real hero.
I'm the real hero.
♪