The Boss Baby: Back in Business (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Family Fun Night - full transcript

[grunts]

Hold all my calls.

[giggling]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the boss, Boss Baby
Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large
I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib
Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify, you just got to pay me ♪

-♪ Who's in charge? ♪
-♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪



He's planning something. Something big.

[groaning]

Focus, Templeton. Facts on the ground:

We've got Bootsy Calico,
a madman raised by kittens.

He wants to make the world love cats
more than babies, which is...

[laughs] ...ridiculous.

Cats make doody in boxes.
Boxes, Templeton!

Like medieval England
or modern-day Canada.

No. Bootsy has to play dirty to win.
So what's his play? Is it a game changer?

Is he changing the game? It's the game!
He's changing it. [whooping]

This is a roller coaster
of corporate intrigue.

You keep saying "play" and "game"
and "roller coaster."

-Do you know what any of those are?
-He's no fool.

He must've studied the same
past market performance tracking.



-Work, work, work...
-[groaning]

[Tim] There's no escape for Doug Peterson,
the dinosaur hunter who is also a robot.

[growls]

If you're going to kill me,
do it now, Tyrannosaurus Works!

[growls]

-Worky, worky, worky...
-Stop...

[groans] ...boring me to death. [screams]

-[squeaks]
-Ow! What was that for?

I didn't want you
to miss the exciting part.

[groaning]

-[door creaks]
-[yells]

-Boys, we have an announcement.
-[Tim] Wait.

Is it another baby?

-[toy crashes]
-Ow!

-No, not another baby.
-Not even a chance. Trust me. Ow!

Got a coupon for tonight's grand opening
of a new family restaurant.

And since it's been a while
since we left the house,

we figured our wittle baby might be weady.

Is the baby weady to weave the house
without making a big fuss?

-"Weady to weave the house" for what?
-Templeton Family Fun Night!

[gasps, shrieks] Family Fun Night!

Yes! I love it, I love it, I love it!
Yes, yes, yes!

Wait. You're not lying, are you?

Because sometimes
people talk about roller coasters,

but there's no real roller coaster, just--

-[toy crashes]
-Ow!

We're leaving soon, so get ready.

Family Fun Night! [vocalizing]

Yeah! That's my groove!
[imitates bass guitar]

[Mom] Make that bass line walk, Ted.
Woo-hoo!

Family Fun Night is the best!

Mom and Dad just relax, and we joke around
and have an awesome time.

I'd love some family QT,
but it's not a good time.

Think Bootsy Calico's taking a night off?

No, he's plotting. I have to counterplot
to keep babies number one.

[in Italian accent] Is just business.

[without accent]
Let's doodle in "Fun Night" another day.

Fiscal October, maybe?

But it's the grand opening. [gasps]

I bet there'll be balloons.
I love balloons! We have to go tonight.

-I don't have to do anything.
-You have to do everything we do.

-You're a baby.
-And like all babies,

I'm trained in the art
of obstinate resistance.

Fun fact: Did you know a baby can add
50 pounds of weight by going limp?

-[crying]
-[grunts]

It's like he weighs an extra 50 pounds!

This is going to be so much fun
once the baby calms down!

Which I know he will.

-[crying]
-Are we sure baby's ready for this?

[screeches]

Hey, let's make up songs!

♪ Family fun night is so much fun
That's why we all love it ♪

♪ And that's why baby will quiet down
And we'll have fun ♪

[yelling] Should we do Family Fun Night
another time?

No. Eyes on the prize, Dad.

The baby will quiet down,
if he knows what's good for him.

-[shrieking]
-[groans]

It's a Family Fun Night miracle.

[both chuckling]

[sighs, grunts]

This isn't for you, Templeton.
It's for the good of Baby Corp.

Public tantrums are terrible
for the brand.

I'll be calm,
but don't mistake that for enjoyment.

I get it. You're boring.
But don't stop me from having fun.

[cries, laughs]

Kidding. See, we have fun.
Now let's get this over with.

[sighs]

[Hawaiian music playing]

Wow!

-Remind you of our honeymoon?
-We honeymooned in Cleveland.

Yeah, but remember the motel
had that palm tree in the lobby?

[chuckles] Cleveland!

You caught me at a bad time.

-[both chuckle]
-Not bad, fish. Not bad at all.

[chuckles]

-Aw!
-[both gasp]

Oh. Snug harness. [grunts]
Elegant comfort. Sleek, modern design.

You can't tell me this is a-- [gasps]

Kinderglückseligkeit!

The finest German engineering
money can buy!

[Tim] Hey.

Okay. This place isn't all terrible.

Maybe cracking Bootsy Calico's next move
can wait for an evening.

-Told you it'd be fun.
-What is this?

Whoa! Are those menus?

-[laughs]
-What the heck?

It's like a game. Get the menu!

That's... odd.

[Mom and Dad laughing]

This place has everything.

Oh, the baby's pretending
to read the menu.

Look at him really concentrating.

"Oh, I'm a little professor."

"Hampurrger"? "Tabby Melt"?
"Meowlk Shake"? All cat puns.

I can't decide
if I want a hot cat or a corn cat.

Meow there. I'd like you to know
that here at Mr. Pineapple's,

we don't use utensils or our hands.

-Lick away.
-[chuckling] This is nuts!

-No. I don't like this. No!
-[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

please put your hands together
for the legend himself, Mr. Pineapple!

-[crowd cheering]
-[vocalizing meow]

[gasps]

"Hampurrger..."

Meow there.

I can't decide
if I want a hot cat or a corn cat.

-[Boss Baby] All cat puns.
-Lick away.

This is nuts.

[Boss Baby] He's planning something.

Meow. [echoing]

Aah! This place is Calico's next move.
[gasps]

Well, howdy hey.

Welcome to my humble café.

I hope y'all are having
a peach-perfect time.

Especially this little cutie.

I am just tickled he's here to see this.

-Oh, no! Oh, my-- I'm so sorry.
-Thank you, but I can manage.

I know babies can be very difficult.
More trouble than they're worth, really.

Hey, I know you. Dr. Calico!

You were our vet when we had the cat
who tried to kill the kids.

-Aren't you evil?
-Timothy! Don't be rude.

[laughs] Kids.
I'm just plain old Bootsy now.

A simple businessman with a dream:

a restaurant where the whole town
can come together to eat food

and love kittens, I suppose.

How about that Mr. Pineapple?

[man 1]
I feel like I'm on an island getaway.

-[man 2] Precious thing.
-[woman] We love you!

[man 2] He's just so adorable!

That sweet, mellow ukulele playing
sure makes me love kittens.

I'll say. Congratulations, Bootsy.
This place is the cat's pajamas.

[Dad and Bootsy laughing]

Madam, you're making me flush.
Well, y'all enjoy now.

-I'll enjoy watching you squirm.
-[gasps]

[gasps] Chief Biff, you old stink bomb.

-What are you doing here?
-[hisses]

This is all wrong. Tell Mom and Dad
you need to go number two.

I do not go number two
in public bathrooms.

Exactly. I need to get out,
put a call in to the office.

No way. This is Family Fun Night,
not Baby Work Night.

No work stuff.

You're not gonna do this the easy way,
are you?

I'm not gonna do this the any way.

[sighs]

Forgive me, Baby Corp.,
and babies everywhere. [screeching]

-What's wrong with the baby?
-What did you do to the baby, Tim?

Nothing.

[Dad] Shh. Shh. Baby want some toys?

Hmm? [growls]

-[crying continues]
-[chuckles]

This is so embarrassing. The anchorwoman
from the news just gave us a look.

[gasps] Marsha Krinkle is here?

-Channel Eight, "Eye on the News."
-[gasps]

Big fan.

Let's focus on calming the baby.

-Maybe we should go.
-We can't just leave!

It's okay. We haven't even ordered yet.

No!

-[gasps] Timothy Leslie!
-I will not let Family Fun Night end.

The baby just needs to work off energy.
I'll see if there's a ball pit.

See? Enjoy some quiet time.
Pick yummy appetizers.

Remember, I don't like anything
with cheese on the inside,

but I love everything with cheese
on the outside.

Uh, well, if it means that much,
we'll give it a shot.

-I am getting into this ukulele kitten.
-Back in a bit.

Ugh!
Thanks for getting me out of that hotbox.

Let me just call in some backup-- Hey!

What's the play here, Templeton?
Torture? You don't have the stones.

You made a choice. You joined a family.

Here it comes.

This is Family Fun Night,
and this place is really, really fun.

This place is fun?
It's a breeding swamp for cat love.

We need to burn it down.

Just give us one hour, okay?

Tomorrow, you and me versus Bootsy Calico.

Tonight, put your work away and have fun.

[laughs] You're talking gibberish.
Who has fun when work's put away? [grunts]

We are not leaving this car
until you promise to enjoy yourself.

[sighs] Fine. I promise to enjoy myself.

-With family stuff.
-With family stuff.

You're an inspiration. Amen.
Throw the confetti. [blows raspberry]

Can I just... [inhales sharply]

Can I get a moment to compose myself?
Alone?

Okay.

Staci, Jimbo, pinging my coordinates.
I need you here now.

Sorry, Templeton.

[Dad] Whoo, whoo! Pineapple! Pineapple!

-Yeah! Sing it, Mr. Pineapple!
-Isn't this the best?

A thrill. I've always dreamed of
passively observing Mommy and Daddy

-turn into mindless kitten-lovers.
-Shoot us some mellow vibes!

Your appetizers.

Remember, no utensils, no hands.

-So fun! [slurping]
-[both gasp]

-Kitty living.
-[both laughing]

[slurping]

-Ugh!
-[Staci] Sir!

[grunts]

[both sigh]

Talk to me.

You weren't kidding.
Cat love is off the charts.

[monitor beeping]

This whole place is bad news.

-I know that. Find me good.
-Hi. I'm good.

Yes, Jimbo, you're a very good boy.

[chuckling]

I need intel on this Mr. Pineapple.

Why so laid back?
How is Bootsy taming him?

-[Jimbo giggles]
-[grunts]

I see his food bowl.
Some fancy-schmancy clam platter.

Shellfish. A kitty delicacy.

-What kind of clams?
-[Staci] Sending a pic to the lab now.

Is it an elephant?

[both] No.

Is it a giraffe?

[both] No.

Is it a Shanghai penguin clam?

[both gasp]

[all giggling]

They're the world's most yummiest clams,
and also super illegal in this country.

Bootsy's got Pineapple hooked on clams
only he can provide.

That's how he's trained him.

Those clams are the key
to this whole operation.

-If we control them...
-We control Mr. Pineapple.

And we can shut down
this whole kitty love fest.

On it. Jimbo's already figured out how
to get past the guard.

-[growls] I'm a dirty mouse.
-Seems solid. Get those clams.

And lure that feline folk singer out
before he turns the crowd into cat lovers.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Cat style!

-[chuckles] Oh, I will beat 'em.
-[baby babbles nearby]

Shush, honey. Mommy and Daddy
are trying to watch the kitty.

Gah!

[monitor beeps]

-This plan of yours, it had better work.
-[Staci] Yeah, it already didn't.

Jimbo got too deep into character.

Now he's stuck in the glue traps
he set for the actual mice.

[grunts]

Uh-oh.

Sorry to do this to you, BB,
but we need an extra set of legs.

[whispering] And brains.

-Can you get away?
-[Hawaiian guitar music]

I'm dying to.

-[grunting]
-[Mom] Oh, honey, look!

The baby's trying to dance.
He loves Mr. Pineapple's music too.

-Care to show him how it's done, milady?
-Yes, I do, migentleman. [giggles]

[Hawaiian guitar music continues]

[grunting continues]

Curse these German engineers
and their impeccable baby-proofing.

[grunts]

[Tim grunts]

What is this?

Uh...

Templeton, I respect you too much
to tell you a lie

that I can't come up with anyway.

Just help me down, let me defuse
this Calico/Pineapple situation,

and boom, right back to family fun.

Come on. Uppies?

-You lied to me!
-[Marsha clears throat]

Do not make me come over there.

[both grunting]

[Staci thuds]

-Yay! [giggles]
-[grunts]

[Staci groans]

-Forever hugs.
-[growls]

You promised me.

Tonight is about family. I thought
a businessman is only as good as his word.

Yes. In business,
my word is gold-plated and triple-A rated.

My word as a family man, I'll admit,
kind of garbage. But I will work on that.

I promise.
Give me that! Give it back, Templeton.

[snores]

Did you just fall asleep?

Tai chi meditation! Ya!

-[grunts, screaming]
-[chuckles]

[gasps]

Uh, situation update?

We got a... yelling kid,
some... sporadic dancing.

[man over radio]
Are those clams still safe?

Situation update...

I am fired.

BB, we got the clams.

Give me a second.
I'm dealing with the kid.

[yelling]

-[man] Oh, come on!
-Tim.

Hi. I'm TV's Marsha Krinkle,
and here's the news.

Control your children.

I am so sorry.

[indistinct complaints from patrons]

-Big fan. Uh...
-Ugh!

[sighs]

Tim, honey, knock it off.

What? The baby started it.

[caterwauling]

Oh. Oh, heavens, no, Mr. Pineapple.
It's not your fault. Are you all right?

-[screeches]
-[Bootsy] You need your din-din. Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Pineapple
is going to take a short intermission.

Why? Because children ruined everything.

Yeah. Specifically,
that family with the baby.

-Oh, boy.
-Boo!

Yeah, time to go.

-[crowd booing]
-[meows]

The crowd's turning on us.
Baby love is cratering.

Lure Pineapple out of here!

[meows]

[confused meow]

-[mournful cry]
-[Staci] Hey, Pineapple!

Come and get 'em, you filthy animal.

[snarling]

-Jimbo, break for the exit!
-[whimpers] Where is it? I don't see it--

-[grunts]
-[Mr. Pineapple yowls]

-[chuckles]
-[Bootsy] All done with num-nums?

[Mr. Pineapple grunting]

Come on, Mr. Pineapple.
Time for the grand finale.

-[Jimbo chuckling]
-[gasps]

[purring, meows]

[server] Kitty goes in the box!
Meow, meow, meow!

Pineapple was just the warm-up.

[Staci] Bootsy's sending everyone home
with a takeout kitten.

[gasps]

[gasps]

-How do we stop it, Boss?
-I... I don't know. I need a plan.

-How much do we owe for the clawb salad?
-No! Don't pay the bill yet.

We're sticking this out as a family.

No! Give me that.

[grunting]

-No! Not the baby death grip!
-Hi. Do I need to speak with somebody?

I am so sorry, TV's Marsha Krinkle.
We're getting the kids out of here.

[grunting] Why... do you have to...
ruin... everything?

This just in:

You're a noisy, mess-making monster
and your parents should be ashamed of you.

[gasps]

-[gasps]
-He gets it from his mother.

-Ah!
-I am not ashamed of my children!

Family Fun Night!

-Oh, boy.
-[clattering]

-Tim! Let's not go overboard.
-[woman shrieks]

Chaos. That's what we need.

Staci, Jimbo, I have our plan.

-Copy that, boss.
-[giggling]

Jimbo! Will you please stop
petting that kitten?

-I'm not.
-[meowing]

My, my. What a tasty batch of chaos
y'all cooked up.

But... uh-oh, frowny face. Too late.

So, you like chaos, Calico?

You are one smart little baby, aren't you?

Oh, I know lots of things. I know the sky
is blue, I know the cow goes moo,

and I know there is no such thing
as a mellow cat. [snaps]

[gasps]

-Ow!
-[meows]

[excited meow]

No.

-Easy, Mr. Pineapple.
-[yowls]

[yelling]

-[grunting]
-[Jimbo giggling]

-[patrons gasping]
-Eww!

-[man gasps]
-[yowling]

-[Bootsy grunts]
-[hisses]

[man shouts, growls]

[patrons shouting]

[snarls, yowls]

-Who else wants a take-out ki--? Oh, wow.
-[dishes crashing]

[all meowing, yowling]

[patrons shrieking]

-Cat love is plummeting.
-[monitor beeping]

-We did it!
-Outstanding work. Take tomorrow off.

-Yuck!
-[chuckles] Kidding.

-I'll clear you for more overtime.
-See you tomorrow.

[Jimbo giggles]

-[giggling, babbling]
-Honey, tip generously.

But we didn't even eat-- Fine.

-[both chuckling]
-[babbling]

Sounds like the baby wants to keep
this Family Fun Night going.

Yeah!

Take-out kitten?

Y'all still love kitty cats
deep down inside, right?

At least stay for dessert.

We've got tira-meow-su.

Hey, Calico, your restaurant
turned into a real cat-astrophe.

Or is it a clam-ity?

[giggles]

-[dramatic music playing on TV]
-[horse whinnies]

Popcorn?

Choking hazard.
You can't get rid of me that easy.

I'm sorry I said you ruin everything.

Eh, it was an accurate performance review.
I'm having a wonderful time, by the way.

The horsie in this film amuses me,
and I find comfort in Mother's laugh.

[Mom laughing and snorting]

Enjoy tonight, Templeton.
Tomorrow, we go back to work.

I have a feeling Mr. Pineapple's Café
was the first hostile takeover attempt

in a very long corporate war.

Hmm?

Oh!

[grunts]

Well, hello there.

[meows]

"Property of Channel Eight News."

-Well, I guess you're our cat now.
-[meows]

[theme song playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪