The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 3, Episode 11 - Over the Hill Spy - full transcript

OSCAR: Slotsky's team stole the cypher chip from
our International Code.

He's probably the best agent we ever had and
a master of disguise.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

WOMAN: Help!

WOMAN: Is it a machine gun?

What are you doing to me?
This guy's a nut.

Stop that girl. Stop that girl.
She's stealing my creation!

You build an instinct
in this business.

Gotcha!

Without your glasses you couldn't tell Slotsky
from the rear end of an elephant.

MAN: There are two O.S.I. agents
in the hotel.



Make arrangements to kill them both.

Manning.
Oscar.

So?

I don't believe that guy. He's up to eight miles
and going strong.

MANNING: Oscar, are you
sure he's 68 years old?

If that's Terry Quinn,
he'll be 69 in March.

(SIGHS)
I followed him from his apartment.

It must be the right guy.

OSCAR: That's Terrence Quinn
all right.

Young at heart.
Still trying.

Almost gives you hope.

Well, I guess he is a has-been,

but he really was something.
He had charm, he had style,

he had grace.
He was really beautiful.



He's probably the best agent we ever had and
a master of disguise.

Turned Europe upside down in the early days of the
Cold War.

MANNING: Are we busting
the old guy for something?

OSCAR: No, no. I need him.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Badly.

I'm gonna ask him for his help.
Okay. Catch up.

Hello, Terrence.

Oscar. Oscar Goldman.

You mind if we stop for a minute?

Of course I mind!

Now get outta here before I kill you.
I wanna talk to you.

I mean it. Beat it!

Terrence, I couldn't
keep you on any longer.

You'd passed the mandatory retirement age. It
happens to all of us someday.

Why?

I was no run-of-the-mill agent.

I never made a mistake
on a mission in 30 years,

and I feel I deserve
a little more gratitude

than winding up in a crummy apartment with
a six-year-old car.

Nice seeing you, Oscar.

Terrence,

do you remember Boris Slotsky?

Course I remember him.

Still carrying two Luger slugs
he put in me in Amsterdam.

And on cold days my arm can feel the pain of
that letter bomb of his.

(CHUCKLES)

They bury him in Sicily or they take him back
home again?

Neither, he's still alive.

I knew the sights on that pistol were too high.

But I saw the car crash
in that ravine and explode.

He was probably thrown clear
as it fell down.

I have reason to believe that Slotsky is in this
country. In fact, I know he is.

Slotsky still alive!

Same as he's always done, he's an espionage
contact man.

You mean he's still working?

Well, that sure shows you the Russians know how to
take care of their people.

I should've defected years ago.

I'm trying to get your old job back, pal.

You're the only one that could identify
Slotsky's face.

My old job at my old salary?

The job won't take too long.

Two days ago, Slotsky's team stole the cipher chip
from our International Code.

With it he can decode every message that we've
transmitted in the last six months,

including the identification of
some of our top secret agents.

I see.

We have reason to believe

that Slotsky is meeting a Russian courier
at the Hotel Terranova.

He will give him the chip there.

Your job will be to identify Slotsky,

recover the chip before the courier leaves
for Moscow.

Nice talking to you, Oscar.
I'll see you.

Wait a minute.

Do you realize the lives of at least 20 secret
agents depend upon you, Terrence?

(SCOFFS)
Look around.

This is the future I'm saving them from. I'm being
kinder than you know.

All right. What do you want?

I'll get your cipher
back for you,

and I'll also get Slotsky. I'll enjoy that.
I really owe him.

My price is a 10-year
contract at full salary.

You know I can't clear that.

Those 20 agents are gonna
be sorry to hear that.

All right.
But I have one condition.

You'll be working with one of our agents,
Jaime SOMMERS.

Your job will be to identify Slotsky
and let her do the rest.

Think I'm too old to work alone, huh?

That's the deal, pal.

A girl, huh? Okay.
Send her on to my place.

Give her this so I'll know her.

And put our deal in writing.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Hi.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Excuse me, miss. I...
I left my key inside.

My husband's in there, but could you help me
with the bell, please?

Oh, sure.

I do the same thing all the time,

except I don't have a husband
at home to answer the bell.

Sometimes I even have to
crawl up through the window to get...

(JAIME MOANS)

QUINN: Same ring, all right.
- Must be her.

Hmm.

Awake, huh?

I've always preferred
chloroform.

Simple, easy to come by,
has minimal aftereffects.

An attractive woman like you
should understand that.

(IN OLD WOMAN'S VOICE) A woman, living alone,
even in a good neighborhood,

never knows who may come calling.

What are you doing?

What...

What are you... (SIGHS)

What is this?

How do you do?
Quinn's the name.

I'm just trying to make a
point simply and effectively.

Goldman tried to force you on me,

but I've got 10 years
of good living

riding on my bringing back
Slotsky and that cipher chip.

That make it clear?

Not in the slightest.
I don't need you, kitten.

I can't afford to have an amateur tagging along
and lousing things up.

What...

Now, you'll be relatively comfortable,

and I'll get back as soon as I can. Right?

Wrong!

You'll change your mind
after awhile.

Well, I've gotta get out
of this and get going.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Oscar, come in.
This is Jaime.

Oscar Goldman, do you read me?

Yes, Jaime?

What are you doing to me?
This guy's a nut!

Oh, so you two aren't hitting it off, eh?
Hitting it off?

Well, so far he has chloroformed me,

he's tied me up and he doesn't even
know my name yet.

Well, Terrence does have his ways.

Give him another chance,
will you, babe?

You know how important it is.

Against my better judgment, this guy better be
as good as you say he is.

(SIGHS)

He's crazy.

I'll just take these out
to the car.

How did you do that?

Double-jointed.

Listen, Quinn,

I think you better get the
good guys and the bad guys

straightened out in that little
pea brain of yours,

otherwise we're gonna have
some serious confrontations.

Do you understand?

Now,

shall we do this thing together?
What have you got in here?

My career.

I've been all over the hotel
getting the layout.

Now there's a group of international fashion
designers meeting today

and a convention of world economists
coming in tomorrow.

We sure could use a look
at that hotel registry.

The signatures might tell us something.

I'm taking care of that now.

You go on back to my room. I'll meet you there
in a moment.

But...

Go!

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

WOMAN: What's happening?

Help! Help!

MAN: Everyone stay calm.

Come on.

QUINN: Broke my glasses. - So what?
Let's get out of here!

QUINN: I can't see.

(HOTEL STAFF CLAMORING)

Well, it was a harebrained stunt and you know it.
It worked, didn't it?

(SCOFFS)

Besides, we haven't got
time for subtleties.

Suppose you want to wait up until midnight
and rob the safe?

Hey, look, all I'm asking is that the next time
you decide to celebrate

the Fourth of July,
inform me first. Okay?

JAIME: Did you get anything at all?

Couple of possibilities. Juan Robles,
a Spanish couturier,

and Vilmos Vanovic,
a Yugoslav economist.

Slotsky could play either one of them,
and the "R" in Robles

and the "L" in Vilmos
could be his handwriting.

I know it's not much to go on,
but it's all we've got.

All right.

But I think our priority
should stay with the Spaniard,

because that fashion show's
gonna be over tonight

and then that'll give us all day tomorrow to work
on the economist, huh?

Operator, yes, please
ring Señor Robles' room.

I see, thank you.

He's lunching by the pool.

Room service, yes,
this is room 172.

I'd like to send a bottle of Dom Perignon to
Señor Robles' table by the pool.

Compliments of a friend.

Thanks.

That'll spot him for us.

Well, there's only one other problem.

Slotsky can recognize me, too, so we've gotta
throw him off.

Wear this.

And this.

Are you joking?

Certainly hope we're not going anywhere
the vice squad visits.

This is a convention hotel.
You'll fit right in.

Oh!

Do you see the champagne bottle?

Yes. The table right
in front of the railing there.

I'll get us a table as close as possible.

I say, old boy, I'd like that table
just there.

Well, sure, sir.
Go right ahead. Thank you.

Come, sweets.

This way, please.

I feel ridiculous.

HOST: Enjoy your lunch.
- Thank you.

Is that Slotsky?

Could be.

It's been 10 years since I saw him last.

Same general build.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Gentlemen, it will be
the greatest coup of my career

and I don't want anything
going wrong now.

I wish I could hear what he's saying.

Oh, well, he said that this
could be the biggest coup of his career

and he doesn't want anything to go wrong now.

How could you hear that?

Can't you do it?

What?

Well, read lips? Didn't they teach you
that in your day?

No, they didn't.
Well, they should have.

All right, look, I'm gonna search
his room.

Call me if he leaves.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

It pleases me very much that it will all end
tonight and I can go home.

One moment, madam.
I'll call you back.

Your check, please.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Come on. Come on.

Oh, no!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

This way, sweets.
Thank you, dear.

I told you to call me.

The phone was being used.

Well, you should've thought of something.

I did! You're out, aren't you?

Barely.

Listen, the sooner we finish this job,

the sooner we don't have
to work together anymore.

Now did you find anything at all?

An almost foolproof way
to pass that cipher

in a room full of people
without anybody noticing.

How?

Well, his cover's a fashion designer,

so he puts the chip in one of his own creations
and sells it at the show.

I saw the drawings, lots of sequins to hide
the chip behind.

Well, let's get it.

Gee, I never thought of that.

Hmm, let's see, now.

Oh, Quinn, come on. You're not gonna start
that again, are you?

Look, it was open season on me
for 25 years.

I managed to keep alive because nobody was ever
quite sure it was me

until it was too late.

I mean to keep it that way.

Monsieur, going down?
No, up to the Roof Garden.

You know him?

No, but you build an instinct
in this business.

I feel it from the hairs
on the back of my neck,

and I would swear that man
is working for Slotsky.

WOMAN: As we all know, Yves Saint Laurent is
alive, well and designing in Paris.

And here we have tangible proof...

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Yes. Well, we'll show this
in the number six position.

Put this on, my dear, in there. The fitter
will sew you into it.

And I'll be out front
talking to the buyers.

MAN: Miss Valerie, where is
the model for number four?

Let's get it. WOMAN: She's over here, Jerry.
Don't panic.

Look, you see if you can keep him occupied.

I'm gonna go peel that outfit off the girl,
okay?

I was thinking of helping
with that myself.

Oh, I'm sure you were.
Get out of here.

Oh, pardon me, sir.
Yeah?

Could you tell me where is the dress collection
for toys?

Little bitty dress, little bitty things for
little girls and boys?

You know where that is?
I'm sorry, sir.

You don't... Oh, never mind.

What a fruitcake.

Hi.
Who're you?

I'm the fitter. I'm supposed to sew you
into this thing here.

Oh, okay.

This hem looks a little strange. Come here.

Hmm, look at this.

What happened?

Well, somebody sewed
it up all wrong.

Take it off, I'll try
and fix it real quick. Okay?

Would you go get Robles?
I think we better do that.

He's out front talking
to one of the buyers.

All right.

Thank you.
Sure.

Oh. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Where're you going?

Get it on.
I've gotta sew you into it.

Oh, I can do this one myself.
That's okay. Thank you.

Oh, stop talking foolishness
and get it on.

Okay.

You must be somebody new.

Robles going for the healthy-girl look?

Well, he was kind enough
to give me a break.

I've been on this crash diet for a week
already and I've got such a headache from it.

Would you please get me some aspirin?

Soon as I finish here.

Certainly would be a shame if I would faint in
this outfit now, wouldn't it?

WOMAN: Come on, girls,
you're on.

Hey, wait! Stop that girl!
Stop that girl!

Stop that girl!

She's stealing my creation.

(ALL CLAMORING)

It's not there, Quinn.

It's gotta be!

Know what I think?

I think this is just an outfit,

and I think Robles is just a designer

and you've been faking it
through this whole thing.

I tell you, it's gotta be here.

Come on. It's over.
All right?

Look, I'm not condemning you for your sight,
but without your glasses

you couldn't tell Slotsky from the rear end of an
elephant at six feet. True?

Doesn't matter.

QUINN: We've got another lead,
he's probably the economist.

I told you that 'L' could
be Slotsky's handwriting.

You've been out of action for a long time. You're
not as sharp as you used to be.

I cut a deal with Oscar.

I can't take a chance on that.

Fine. You're going for a deal with Oscar,

but there are a lot of
agents' lives involved here.

(SIGHS)

I'll tell you what, uh, if I get Slotsky
and the cipher chip,

I will make sure that Oscar keeps his deal.
All right?

Room 447, please.

Yes?

There are two O.S.I. agents
in the hotel.

I heard them mention
Slotsky by name.

They're here to get him and the cipher chip.
All right.

Make arrangements to kill
them both as soon as possible.

Consider it done.

Slotsky doesn't have to worry. The two have
been taken care of.

You're sure?

In three minutes and 21 seconds, the man
and the woman will be dead.

Somehow, someway, if I could just get
into Vanovic's room.

I could plant a bug or something.

Quinn, I'm sorry about
the way I came down on you.

It wasn't fair. I mean, Robles could've been
the Russian agent.

It was an understandable mistake
and I really am sorry.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

That's our lunch, I hope.

Who is it?
Room service.

Come on in.

Thank you.
Welcome.

Don't you want me to sign the check?

Almost forgot.

Thank you.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Okay. Come on now. You have to eat something.
I'm not hungry.

Please.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(TICKING)

Oh, my God!
They're trying to kill us.

Don't be ridiculous!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(SIGHS)

That was a bomb. They planted a bomb
under that table!

It's no wonder that guy
wanted to get out of here.

I've told Oscar a hundred times.

The trouble with women agents

is they have a tendency to get hysterical,
to exaggerate, fantasize.

Which makes them somewhat unreliable.

I know what a bomb is
and that was a bomb!

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Feminine intuition.

All right. Vanovic's not in his room.
Now's my chance.

You can't handle them.
I'll go, too.

Wrong.
You're gonna stay right here.

But if Vanovic is Slotsky,
you're in danger.

Listen, I promise you
I will be very careful.

What I would like you to do is stay here, have
some lunch, get a little rest.

Now I'm gonna search
Vanovic's room,

hopefully I can find something
that proves he's Slotsky,

and then, if I do, I'll come back. We'll work out
a game plan together. Okay?

All right.
Bye.

That girl needs help whether
she knows it or not.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

MAN: You have made an important contribution

to world economic stability,
Mr. Vanovic.

Thank you, my friend.

I hope it will make for better relations among us.

Come, I have a very special
present from my mother.

Just a tiny memento.

I hope it is one of her
roast chickens with dumplings.

Not exactly.

Excuse us. We will see you
downstairs later.

How is the dear woman? Oh, she's very well.
Very well.

Has the courier arrived yet?

No, not yet.

He'll be here for the reception.

It would be safer if I
deliver the chip to him.

If there's a problem, face it, comrade,
you are a little old.

Moscow trusts you to steal
United States secrets,

but not for sensitive
and important assignments.

Only I have that honor
and responsibility.

You must've blackmailed somebody.

The courier will expect me
to talk of my grandchildren

and to hand him a photograph.

The chip is pressed between the photograph
and the backing.

Thank you.

(KNOCKING)

Hotel security, sir.

QUINN: Is there a
- Mr. Vanovic here?

Just a minute.
Mr. Vanovic.

Yes? What is it?
Hotel security guard.

I am Mr. Vanovic,
what do you want?

Oh, there's been a second bomb threat, sir. And
we're checking all the rooms.

I can assure you there's no bomb
in this room.

Well, I'm sorry, sir. I've gotta check it anyway.
It's for your own safety.

Nope. No bomb here.

Jaime.

I don't know how you two
managed to escape the bomb, but no matter.

I'll think of another way
to end your interference.

You wonder why I would not trust you
to meet the courier.

You embarrass the KGB
with your feeble attempts

to get rid of these enemy agents.

Your superior shall hear
of this in detail.

They won't cause us any more trouble.
I guarantee it.

That is not the point. The OS! is breathing down
our necks.

I'm changing the plan.

The moment the courier arrives
I will deliver the chip to him

and instruct him to leave
immediately for Moscow.

That's...
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Over there.

I will be at the reception
in the rose garden.

Let's get this open for the woman.
All right.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Okay.

How in the world...
Just listen.

Slotsky is gonna pass that chip to a courier
any second now

and I still don't know which of the delegates he
is, so that's where you come in.

I know you can't see anything
without your glasses.

But what you can do for me
is tell me about him. Okay?

Tell me about his habits, his idiosyncrasies,
any tics, anything like that.

Anything at all that would help me identify
him in a crowd.

But...
And

we are partners, all right?

We're gonna do this thing together. There will be
no going off on your own.

Is that a deal?

Deal.

Come on now, you're gonna have to tell me how
I can identify Slotsky.

Thinking.

What about his hair? No. He changes it
all the time.

All right. Nervous habits
of any kind?

Nervous habits. Let's see. Sometimes he scratches
his head when he's nervous.

Okay. Okay.

Doesn't look like he's very nervous.

What else? Is he right-handed,
left-handed? Left-handed.

Left-handed.

Okay. There's one, two,

three, four men holding drinks
in their left hand.

What else? Come on. Quick.
I'm trying.

I know you are. Come on.
Oh, I've really botched this, didn't I?

Okay. Relax,
will you, Quinn?

You can think of something,
I know you can.

You're gonna have to because
I'm getting a headache

watching all four of these guys.

Oh, great. Now there's a fifth guy with a drink
in his left hand.

The watch fob.
Huh?

Slotsky sometimes carried
a pocket watch in his vest.

He's used it to identify
himself to couriers.

All right.
What's it look like?

It's got diamonds on it and an emerald
in the center.

Okay. A diamond watch fob.

With an emerald in the center.
Okay. Okay.

Come on. Come on.
Where is it?

Diamond watch fob.

And with emeralds in the center.
Emeralds.

That's it. That's it! It's right there. You did
it! You actually did it.

Okay.

Oh, boy. Now Slotsky's
handing that picture

with the chip on it to another guy.

All right. I'm gonna go get that guy.
You get Slotsky!

Okay.

Pardon me, sir. I'm looking for a delegate with
a diamond watch fob.

Have you seen him?

Sorry.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

JAIME: Oh, no.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Is he all right?
Yeah.

I got here as soon as the police reported
the bomb explosion.

Okay. He's the courier and the cipher chip
is behind this picture.

Now I'm gonna find Quinn.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Beg your pardon. I'm looking for a delegate with a
diamond and emerald watch fob.

Can you help me?

Sorry, I haven't noticed.

MAN: That's a lovely piece.
- Emerald, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Must be quite expensive.
Have you had it for long?

Yes. I purchased it in
Amsterdam years ago.

Gotcha!

You sure look different, Boris,
as near as I can tell.

Here, Terrence, try these.

Still wouldn't have known you.

Your face is completely changed.

What did you expect?

I landed on it when I fell from the car in Sicily.
It was all reconstructed.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

come to me for sympathy.

You kept your job.
I got put out to pasture.

Believe me, being old,

having younger men hiding their contempt for you,

constantly trying to elbow
you aside to get your job.

You don't know how lucky you are.

I would gladly have traded your pasture
for mine anytime.

You're kidding.

It's true. I would have
retired years ago,

but the KGB retirement
isn't so easy. I tried.

But I knew so much they wouldn't let me out.

Now,

failure in a mission like this,

I would have been finished
even if I'd gone back.

It's too bad.

I always saw myself in a far-away tropical place.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I can't take the Moscow
winters anymore.

Sitting in the sun writing my memoirs.

I won't be doing that
in your federal penitentiary.

I was thinking of doing some writing myself.
But I only had one half of the story.

Only you knew the other half.

My friend, we are old fools.

The war between us is over,

passed us by without
us even noticing.

We should've left it
to the younger ones years ago.

Well, I see you caught him.

Now that you caught him,
what're you gonna do with him?

Turn him over to Oscar.

I guess that's the right thing to do.

It'll be a nice surprise
for Oscar, too.

Considering that I'm the only one who knows
you've got him...

I'll go get Oscar,
it'll only take me about

half an hour.

Nice when wars are over,
Mr. Quinn.

Good luck.