The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 1, Episode 9 - Winning Is Everything - full transcript

RACE ANNOUNCER:
We are flying over the desert racing area

outside the capital city of Aku,

here in the newly liberated country
of Taftan.

And top race drivers
from all over the world

are here preparing for the Dasht-I-Ravar
500-mile race

to be held here in Taftan
day after tomorrow.

(SIRENS WAILING)

OSCAR: Yes, Mr. Secretary,
he barely got away

after he dropped the cassette
at the bar.

That's right. And that's why
I've sent for

our bionic woman, Jaime SOMMERS.



Sent for? Kidnapped is
more like it.

Here she is. She just walked
in the door.

Yes, Mr. Secretary.
I'll keep you informed.

Right you are.
Thank you.

Oscar, what is so important

that one of your men has to call me
out of my classroom

in the middle of an algebra lesson,
throw me on a plane,

take me clear across the country without
one word of explanation?

Was that the Secretary of State?

Yes, it was. And do you have
your passport?

Where are we going?

Southwest Asia. Taftan.

Oh.

Taftan. I read about that yesterday in
the newspaper



that a military junta
took over the country, huh?

They've virtually sealed off the
borders,

broke off all diplomatic relations,
and, yesterday afternoon,

One of our diplomats there
is actually an O.S.I.agent.

He had on him a tape that was full of six months
of top-secret information.

Luckily, he dodged the military police

long enough to drop off the tape

at a predetermined place
and hid the tape.

Our job is to get it out of there before someone
else does.

So, how do you propose
we get in there?

Ever hear of the Dasht-I-Ravar
International Race?

That's the one in the tire commercial, isn't it?
Goes across the desert?

Yeah. A man and a woman
will be in each car

going right through the middle of the country.
Oh, no.

The military police and the new military
government

won't try to stop it because it's the year's
biggest tourist attraction,

and the course,
just by accident,

happens to run right by
the town of Ariram.

That's where the tape is hidden.

And Jaime is gonna be
in a race car in Taftan.

In 14 hours.

Oy?
- Oy.

RACE ANNOUNCER: There's only
one day now before the world famous

Dasht-I-Ravar 500-mile race.

The leading drivers in the world
will be competing

in a grueling 500-mile race

across an open desert course
in the country of Taftan.

These autos travel on this desert up to
100 miles an hour.

Wait a minute, Oscar. Now we don't have to
go that fast, right?

(STAMMERS)
'Cause I'm not in this thing to win.

Right?

Oscar?

Oscar?

Jaime,

there was something I didn't tell you
on the plane.

I didn't want to worry you.

But we're not the only ones that
know about this tape.

What does that mean?

We discovered a double agent working in our
communication center.

He found out about the tape, its location,
and sold the information.

To whom?
I don't know.

Might be more than one country
involved here.

But you can bet that at least one
of these drivers here

have got the same idea as we have.

Now, I'll answer your question.
I want you to win this race,

but not to the finish,

to that bar in Ariram.

And that's why I've gotten the fastest desert car
that money can buy,

and I've hired Tim Sanders as
your driver.

I've heard of Tim Sanders.

He is the best driver in the world,
in my opinion.

He's won four consecutive
Grand Prix races,

all before he reached
the age of 25.

He's had some bad luck in the last couple of
years, so, uh,

nobody will sponsor him.

Oh! Oscar Goldman excepted.

Oscar Bartholomew excepted.

Bartholomew?
(SHUSHING)

I don't want anybody
to recognize my name.

(WHISPERING)
Bartholomew. Even Tim Sanders.

I mean, he's a terrific driver.

But I don't want him to know this is
an O.S.I.mission.

Besides, I don't think
the name "Goldman"

would go over too well
in this country.

Tim Sanders?

Yeah.

Mr. Bartholomew?

This is your navigator,
Jaime SOMMERS.

She navigated two races in Baja last summer.
Won them both.

Hi.

Uh, is something wrong with my credentials?
(CHUCKLES)

No, no. Your credentials
are just fine.

Hi.

How's it going here?

As well as can be expected.
What does that mean?

(SIGHS)

Well, no offense, Bartholomew,

but this rig here is a turkey.

OSCAR: It's the best
money can buy.

Maybe. But it's sure
not Grand Prix.

I don't know how much
I can do with it.

Well, isn't there some way
you can fix it up?

It's too late. They don't allow any modifications
in the car after the inspection.

It's gonna be impounded until the start of the
race tomorrow.

(SlGHS)
Well, since there's nothing we can do here,

why not go back to the
hotel and have a drink,

discuss strategy?

Oh. Over dinner, I hope.
(WHISPERS) I'm starving.

I think I'd like that.

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

OSCAR: And it's very important you take the
shortcut through Ariram. Look, Tim.

You're crazy, Bartholomew.
Stay on the main trail.

One out often drivers
gets through Ariram.

Nobody does it anymore.

Oscar?

Well, I realize it's a rough road,

but it's our only chance
for a sure win.

Now, we haven't got a fast car,
have we, Tim?

We can cut the time down one hour.

Or get stranded on a mountainside.

Jaime, you're the navigator,
tell him.

Well, Tim, actually,
I think that

Mr. Bartholomew does have a point.

Two against one.

So, it's settled, you'll go through
Ariram.

Oh, brother!

Hey, listen. We've got to
get some sleep.

We've got a big day tomorrow.

Stay for a drink?

Well, I might have some coffee.

Thank you. Good night,
Mr. Bartholomew.

Good night, Miss SOMMERS.

Good night, Tim.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Ariram?

I think it's very romantic.

(SIGHING)

You know, if I weren't waiting for a Grand Prix
sponsor right now,

I would have told Bartholomew what he
can do with that map.

Oh, you're going back into racing?
I didn't know that.

After the crash in Indianapolis...

I thought you'd retired.

At my age? Oh, I may have had
a slow year,

but, uh, I've got a Japanese firm
backing me now.

Matter of fact, I'm designing
my own car.

Oh, that's terrific.

CARLOS: Tim! Tiny Tim!

Oh, no!

Hey!

What brings you to the desert?

And who is this ravishing creature sitting
here with you? Hmm?

Jaime SOMMERS, my navigator.

Ah, Jaime SOMMERS.

And I'm here to race.

To race? So finally your Japanese firm came
through after all these years?

I was beginning to think
it was all a big lie.

My name is Carlos Scappini.

How do you do?

You might have heard of me.

What are you doing here, Scappini?

A dust run like this is a little below
your league, isn't it?

Might get your Guccis dirty.

Oh, I race where my sponsor tells me.

And usually I win.
I see.

And now, would you come and have
a drink with me?

Well, thank you,
but I'm with Tim.

Oh, no, you are not with Tim if you
come with me.

I don't give up easily.

(LAUGHS)
I can see that.

Why don't you leave us
alone, Scappini?

Per piacere, Jaime.

Scappini!

Excuse me, gentlemen. I think I'm gonna
go to my room.

(EXCLAIMS)
I will escort you.

See you tomorrow. No, no. That's quite all right.
I'm fine. Thanks.

Let go of her. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Hey, Tiny Tim.

Get out of my way.
You drive like a woman,

and you fight like a woman.

Well, uh, don't push me.

I said a woman and I mean
la Donna.

(ICE CUBES CLINKING)
(EXCLAIMS)

Come on, Jaime.
Let him cool off.

Excuse me, please.
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Tim.

(GRUNTS)

I'll get you for this, Sanders! I will get
you for this!

Come on. Let's get out
of here.

We've got to get some rest.

(CAR ENGINES REVVING)

Scappini?
The Italian driver?

Yeah. Tim said that, uh, he doesn't usually do
this kind of a race.

No, he doesn't. He's the hottest driver
on the Grand Prix circuit.

Well, he was the coldest last night.
(LAUGHING)

Huh?
Nothing.

In any case, whoever
the foreign agent is,

you can be sure he's after the tape.

Jaime, be careful. Once you're out
on that race course,

the fighting could get pretty dirty.

Tim? The pit stops are all set. Gas, oil, tires,
anything you need.

Here's your map.
Thank you.

I'll see you at the finish line.

Good luck, pal.
There you go.

What's that?

Your sick bag.

You'll need it.

(ENGINE REVVING)

RACE ANNOUNCER: And the Dutch driver, Flewning,
is also a major contender here today.

American driver, Tim Sanders,
is trying for a comeback

after his near fatal crash at Indianapolis
four years ago.

Our government also welcomes Le Mans winner
Carlos Scappini.

A late entry is the Soviet driver
Alexei Kolyma.

And finally, the team of Sato and Dizon
from Hong Kong.

All the drivers are now making final
adjustment on their gear

as the race is about to begin.

Their engines have all been tuned
to a fine pitch,

their brakes and transmissions checked
one last time.

Our helicopter will be tracking
the race overhead

to give you a play-by-play description
of all the action.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Scappini is moving into an early lead,

with the Hong Kong team
close behind him.

We certainly hope all the cars are
in good shape.

They are really going to take a beating out there
on our course.

And the racers are moving out
of the starting area

and off into the beautiful, open desert country
of Taftan,

which our new military government pledges
to preserve unmolested,

in all its natural beauty.

The American team is
overtaking the Soviets,

but the Soviet driver Kolyma
is not anxious to be passed,

and is trying to nudge his way
back into the lead.

The American, Tim Sanders,
has been run off the course!

(SlGHS)
This car's a dog.

If those Russians hadn't been
better equipped,

they'd have never squeezed past me.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

RACE ANNOUNCER:
The Americans are back in the race now.

Carlos Scappini is enlarging his lead,

but the team from Hong Kong
is close behind.

The Dutch driver, Flewning,
in third place.

Fourth place,
the driver from Israel, Adis.

In fifth place,
the Greek, Disota.

One hundred miles into the race.

The Soviet team is moving up fast,

closing Scappini's 10-minute lead as they
approach the first pit stop.

Oh, have you got another sick bag?

RACE ANNOUNCER:
The Americans, Sanders and SOMMERS,

have just pulled into their
first pit stop now,

three minutes behind the Soviets.

Where's the tires and the equipment?
I don't know.

They couldn't have just gotten up
and walked away.

How does Bartholomew expect me to win this race
if the equipment's not here?

I'll find them myself.

(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT)
Did you Americans lose something?

You have a saying, "The early bird
get the worm."

I see you in Ariram.

JAIME: Well, now we know
where those tires went.

(CLANKING)

(LOUD WHIRRING)

Well, the stuff's not here.
Couldn't find it anywhere.

Where did you get the tires?
Who changed them?

Some guys came by with the stuff and
helped me put it on.

I guess I would have
helped you myself.

Let's get gassed up and get out of here.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
Kolyma in eighth, Bennett in ninth.

Tenth place,
Sanders and SOMMERS.

JAIME: What happened
to the Russians?

TIM: Up there.

TIM: Now, we're cooking.

JAIME: Tim, what is it?
- Can't steer.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(METALLIC CREAKING)

Tim?

(CAR APPROACHING)
Tim?

(BEEPING)

RUSSIAN WOMAN:
- So much for the Americans.

Faster, Ivan. Faster.

(TIM MOANING)

JAIME: Hey! You okay?
(SIGHING)

Reasonably.
What happened?

We hit a log and we flipped.

You okay?
I'm fine.

It's just a good thing
we didn't stay upside down.

(SlGHS)
It's a good thing we didn't end up dead.

Steering failed.
The piece of junk.

Well, let's see what Bartholomew
fouled up this time.

You all right?
Yeah.

TIM: Somebody loosened
the steering linkage.

Pulled out the cotter pin.

Well, can you fix it?

Yeah. Get me the tool kit,
will you?

I'll get you for this, Sanders!

I will get you for this!

Scappini.

Scappini did it!

RACE ANNOUNCER: After the second checkpoint,
300 miles into the race,

Scappini still leads.

D'Angosto is second.
Three, Flewning,

Any sign of the Americans?
Sanders and SOMMERS?

RACE ANNOUNCER: Six, B'Zawni.
- Seven, Johnson.

TIM: We're never gonna catch up now.
- JAIME: We can do it, Tim.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
The Americans are still far behind.

But the Dutch driver,
Flewning, is gaining ground,

as is the team from Hong Kong in
the yellow truck, number 28.

The leader, Carlos Scappini, is approaching the
dangerous Ariram turnoff.

He has passed it up for the safer,
but longer route,

as we expect most of the
drivers to do.

Who's in the lead?
Carlos Scappini.

Came through 20 minutes ago.

What about the Russians?

Four or five minutes ago.

Give us a full load. Hurry!

ATTENDANT: Okay.

(CHUCKLES)

I don't know why I said that. We don't
stand a chance

of making up 20 minutes
in this rig.

Oh, sure we do, Tim.

The Ariram trail is gonna cut off
at least an hour.

Do you think I was serious
when I told Bartholomew

I'd take that shortcut
through Ariram?

There's no way. That route's
too dangerous.

It's the only way we can win.

Oh, come on, Jaime. Do I have to go
through that again?

We wouldn't get two miles
up that mountain path.

Well, we can try.

The answer is no.

You promised Bartholomew.

No!

I have won four Grand Prix championships.

I've been in over a thousand races,

and no half-baked sponsor
and his female navigator

is gonna tell me how to drive my race.

Half baked? (STAMMERS) Who do you think
you're talking to?

I'm talking about this turkey rig.

I'm talking about pit stops where
nothing is there.

I'm talking about this crummy race
in this crummy desert.

Listen, you're lucky to be in this race
at all.

No one else would have
hired you as a driver.

And don't give me this junk about
a Japanese firm

sponsoring your next race, or about this being
a lousy car.

Now, Bartholomew was nice enough to
give you this job,

the least you can do
is go where he asks.

(SlGHS)
Oh.

I'm sorry, Tim.

You're right.

Right to the jugular.

All I'm doing is making excuses
for my driving.

(SlGHS)
I guess the kid just ain't what he used to be.

Hey, come on, Tim.

ATTENDANT: All right.
- Move her out.

Tim.

Let's try that mountain trail, huh?

RACE ANNOUNCER:
The American car has left Checkpoint B,

well behind the Soviets.

Rjukan is 19th, and in the last position
is the American car

driven by Tim Sanders
and Jaime SOMMERS.

JAIME: Oh, look. There's somebody
who didn't make it.

TIM: The German team.

I wonder where the Russians
are now.

RACE ANNOUNCER: taking the extremely
treacherous and dangerous route

through the town of Ariram.

It appears that the Americans are going to take
that route also.

Tim, the Russians are taking it, too.
Come on.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
We wish them good luck.

We're going back to catch up with
the leader, Scappini.

JAIME: Oh! My stomach!

TIM: Keep your eyes closed. We're out
of sick bags.

Hey, we're catching up
to the Russians.

(INAUDIBLE)

TIM: Come on, you dumb car!
- Come on!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

JAIME: You can do it!
- Come on!

We got them, Tim.
Go!

You drive like a woman.

Oh, go!

TIM: We can't make it!

Tim, we could have had them.

We could have won.
What are you...

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

But, why?

You heard the man.
I drive like a woman.

Chauvinism intended.

You didn't answer my question.

Oh, I thought you knew the Tim Sanders
story by now.

How he was the golden boy
of racing,

who got too much too soon.

He couldn't handle the pressure and cracked.

He got careless at Indianapolis and
nearly killed himself.

I'm a loser, Jaime.

Bartholomew was crazy to hire me.

Bartholomew happens to think you're the best
driver in the world,

and after what I just saw
coming up that mountain,

I'm not about to argue with him.

Oh, cut the pep talk!

I am so sick and tired of hearing that
self-righteous "you can do it" line.

Yeah, you know, I guess you're right,
Tim.

(STAMMERING)
I'm sorry. Yeah, you really can't do it anymore.

You, uh, just can't cut it.

You're a 29-year-old has-been.

Is that what you want to hear?

What do you want from me?
I'm admitting it.

It's not the car. It's not the course.
It's me.

I can't hack it anymore,
so get off my...

The only reason you can't hack it anymore is
because it's in your head.

That's the way you're thinking.

Listen, Tim, I used to
be a tennis player,

and I know a self psych-out
when I see one.

Hey, you just beat yourself.

So what?

(SlGHS)

I suppose the next thing you're gonna tell me
is that, uh,

I'm afraid of winning, right?

Well, you've only got two choices.

And winning certainly can't be as bad
as losing.

(ENGINE REVVING)

TIM: Come on. Let's find
those Russians.

Tim.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(METALLIC CREAKING)

Jaime. It'll explode.
Jaime!

You could have been killed.

(RUSSIAN WOMAN MOANING)

(PANTING)
The steering wheel. No steering.

Sabotage.

Sabotage.

(BEEPING)

(CAR ENGINE STARTING IN THE DISTANCE)

TIM: Who?
I don't know.

Any word?

The rescue chopper spotted the smoke.

They should be here any minute.

Guess the only thing
we can do is wait.

No, no. We got to get going.

There's nothing more
we can do here.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
Helicopter rescue is on the way.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

There they are,
the team from Hong Kong.

They're the leaders and they're gonna
beat us, unless...

Give me that map.

Now, they're taking this curved trail
over there.

The only way to beat them to Ariram and get back
into the race

is to take this dried-up riverbed
right over there.

Okay. Let's go.

JAIME: Sure hope we don't
run into a flash flood.

(METALLIC THUDDING)

What happened?

TIM: Rear axle's stuck.

Marooned's more like it.

Come on.
We can push it off.

We can give it a try.

One, two, three!

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(METALLIC CREAKING)

(EXCLAIMING)

It's amazing what you can do when you try,
isn't it?

Come on. Come on.
Let's take them, Jaime.

Yeah, we beat them!
We beat them! (LAUGHS)

Now we got to beat them to Ariram.

(CAR APPROACHING)

JAIME: Tim, stop! Just stop!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's the matter?
Are you sick?

Tim, I have to go into a bar right
back there.

What are you talking about?

They're gonna catch up with us in less
than a minute.

I don't have time to explain it right now.

Jaime, we can win this.

I can win it for the first time
in four years,

and you want me to stop?
You're crazy!

Why? Give me a reason.

I can't, Tim.

I'm not giving this one up.

Tim! Wait a minute.
Believe me, it's important.

You said winning this
was everything.

(STAMMERS)
I work for the government,

and I've got to pick
something up in that bar.

And it's only gonna take me a few minutes,
okay? So, will you wait?

Please?
See you.

(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)

No!

Tim!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Hi.

(STAMMERING)
I came to pick up the tape.

I came to, uh, pick up the tape.

(STAMMERING)
It's a tape.

It's a very small little
cassette thing like...

It's about that big, you know,

and it goes around in a circle...

Lady, I speak English, and I know what a tape
cassette is.

But aren't you supposed
to give me something first?

Oh!

Sorry.

This all they gave you?

That's it.

You got a credit card?

Come on. Give me the tape!

(CAR DOOR CLOSING)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(GUN FIRING)

(GUNS FIRING)

JAIME: Tim, we had them.
- We could have won.

Bartholomew feels that you're the best driver
in the world.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(GUN FIRES)

(GUN FIRES)

(GUN FIRES)

(GUN FIRES)

What's going on?

(TIRE BURSTS)

Let's go. Would you please tell
me what's going on?

Who were those people?

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

Your legs and the way
you threw that wrench...

Tim, will you just drive?

(YELLING IN MANDARIN)

TIM: Look. It's Scappini.

Come on, Tim.
We can win.

(GUN CLICKING)

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

RACE ANNOUNCER:
Carlos Scappini still has a commanding lead.

He's way out in front,

and it looks like he'll be the sure winner

of the Dasht-I-Ravar
500-mile race.

JAIME: We're gaining
on him now.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
Carlos Scappini proving once again

what a tremendous driver he is.

Now, they're all alone
in number 230.

Wait a minute! Another car has just pulled on
from the Ariram trail.

It is number 239, the American car with
Sanders and SOMMERS.

They're coming on strong and really putting the
pressure on Scappini.

Tim Sanders,
the long-shot American,

who had been going downhill for the
last few years,

is certainly making up
for lost time now.

TIM: We're gonna take him, Jaime.

JAIME: (LAUGHS) If my kidneys
don't give out first.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
Sanders is doing better than

110 miles an hour down there

and closing the gap. Scappini hasn't seen
him yet.

And is he in for a surprise!

Sanders is almost on
top of Scappini now.

And he's done it. It's a two-car race
for the first time.

But there's a big obstacle around
the next turn.

Come on. Go, Tim!

RACE ANNOUNCER:
The course narrows near the Basti River.

There's only room for one of those cars.

They're both maneuvering
for position.

Scappini trying to force
Sanders off the road.

Oh, Sanders is dropping...

(JAIME EXCLAIMING)

Beautiful piece of driving by Sanders.

But there is still only
room for one car.

JAIME: Come on.

RACE ANNOUNCER:
And Scappini has bailed out!

Carlos Scappini into the Basti River
and out of the race.

So, with only five miles
to the finish line,

the victory clearly belongs to Tim Sanders
and Jaime SOMMERS.

(LAUGHS)
You really cooled him off again, huh?

JAIME: All right.
- We got a race to win.

TIM: You've got it.

JAIME: Thank you.

(TOASTING IN ITALIAN)

So, the tape is on its way back
to Washington?

Yep.

What's gonna happen to the people who
shot at us?

I guess they'll be, uh, charged for sabotaging
the cars.

Tim, you're a winner now.

Are you gonna go back
on the Grand Prix circuit?

Yeah.

It's something I have to do.

You?

I'll go back to Ojai and teach.

I'm really happy for you, Tim.

You know,

I know I didn't win that race by myself.

Look, Tim, if anything,
I held you back.

I mean, if I hadn't been in that car
with you,

you could have won that race
by a mile.

Yeah, you're right.

(LAUGHING)

Tim, driver's ready to take you to the airport.

Thanks for the chance,
Mr. Bartholomew.

We couldn't have done it without you.

You won't be in my next race, will you?

You don't need me, kid.
You're a winner.

Bye.

So...

To the winner.

(TIM LAUGHING)

(INAUDIBLE)

And to the woman who made him a winner.