The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 1, Episode 13 - Mirror Image - full transcript

I was just in with Mr. Henderson.

His blood pressure seems to be stable.

Take him off IV. I'll see him later
in the day.

Open the drapes.

Morning.

Feeling better?

Good.

Today's the day the bandages come off.

But first, you practice.

All you have to do is nick him,

and Oscar Goldman's a dead man.



The moment of truth.
We remove the bandages.

Lovely.

Show her.

How do you like it, Jaime?

JIM: Jaime?
- You finished packing?

JAIME: Oh, just a few
more minutes.

Found your wallet on the front seat
of my car.

Your car?
How'd it get there?

Maybe you dropped it when you and Helen went
shopping for your swimsuit.

We took my car.

Well, I'm just glad to get it back.

Jaime, you aren't going to leave with your house
looking like this, are you?

Why not?

(LAUGHING)
Well, look at it.



Pretty raunchy, huh?

Guess it would be kind of hard
to have a good time in Nassau,

The plane leaves in an hour.
Um, course, I could have Helen come up.

Jim.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

JIM: All that in five minutes.

(LAUGHS)
Jaime, you're incredible.

JAIME: And late.

(IN BAHAMIAN ACCENT) Well, as they say in the
Bahamas, "Let's get on de way, Mon."

(IN BAHAMIAN ACCENT)
We've got just enough time, Mon.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JAIME: Why not?

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
Why not?

COURTNEY: Now, try it again.

Now you've got to lose
all of your Southern accent, okay?

(MIMICS JAIME'S ACCENT)
Why not?

Better.

JAIME: Pretty raunchy, huh?

I guess it would be kind of hard to have
a good time in Nassau,

knowing I'd have to come home to this.

Pretty raunchy, huh?

I guess it would be kind of hard to have a good
time in Nassau, knowing I'd...

No, she uses more contractions, Lisa.

Uh, "T'have"
instead of "to have."

The accent's good. Now try it again,
but without that cigarette.

Jaime SOMMERS doesn't smoke.
Come on.

Oh, brother.

Um...

I guess it would be kind of hard to have
a good time in Nassau,

knowing I'd have to come home to this.

Excellent.

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
That gal must be crazy.

If I was going to the Bahamas,

last thing I'd be worried
about is cleaning my house.

(CHUCKLING)

Now you've been working
on her for two weeks.

Voice, mannerisms, life history.

Do you think you're ready, Lisa?

Lisa?

Oh.

(MIMICS JAIME'S ACCENT)
Who's Lisa? I'm Jaime SOMMERS.

Oh, Rudy.

Can't you make a bionic skin that tans?

The least you could do, Rudy, is make me
some bionic baby oil.

(GREETING IN FRENCH)

(GREETING IN SPANISH)

Good afternoon.

(IN BAHAMIAN ACCENT)
Ah! An American.

Yes.

A most beautiful one at that.

Well, I don't know how you can tell

with me all wrapped up like this,
but thank you anyway.

Are you burned?

Oh, yeah. But I'm having trouble
getting an even tan.

(LAUGHING)

Yes, the sun here can be very devastating,
you know?

Do you mind if I sit down?

No.

COURTNEY: Camera.

Pens.

O.S.I. pass.

What is it?
A gas bomb.

Push the lipstick all the way up,

hold your breath,
throw it to the ground.

Everyone around you will be rendered unconscious.

Just in case.

Okay. I'm ready whenever you guys are.

PERKINS:
Bye, baby. Good luck.

Thank you, sugar pie.

Lisa?

Cigarette.

OSCAR: Brian, I think we're making a mistake
on this Howlitt Report.

I think it's too valuable
to be in my safe.

I think it should be reclassified
"For Eyes Only."

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Hang on a minute.
Yes, Betty?

I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Goldman,

but Jaime SOMMERS is here to see you.

Jaime?

Should I tell her to wait until
you've finished reading?

No, send her in.
Brian, I'll call you back.

Okay, pal.

Jaime.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
on some tropical island

a thousand miles away,
lolling on the beach.

Well, I got bored.

Clouds came in and I ended up spending
most of my time in my room.

So you came here.

Well, I have some news for you.
This isn't the most, uh,

exciting place in the world
all the time either.

Paperwork is paperwork.
And that's dull.

Oh, I know all about that.

I was four days behind in my homework grading
before I left.

What brings you to Washington?
Not that I mind.

The O.S.I.

Oscar, um, I do a lot of work for you,
and I love it.

But sometimes I just feel isolated,

like I really don't know
what's going on.

I mean, I'm in Ojai, and everything else is
back here in Washington.

And, well, your paperwork, for example,

now that could be interesting
to me, you know.

Oh.

I just thought it would be kind of fun
to spend a couple of weeks

learning more about the work that I do
and what the O.S.I. is all about.

No.

No?
No.

Why? I've got a Security Six Clearance.

Okay.

But I can't imagine why you'd rather
be here, Jaime,

than in the Bahamas.

All right, I'll go to Security and get you
a security building permit.

Be right back.

Okay.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(CLICKING)

I still find it hard to believe that you
recognized me so easily, Mr. Beaumond.

Oh, come now.

I've watched you play in at least, uh,
15 world-class tennis matches.

It would have been very hard to miss you.

(CHUCKLES)

It's awfully nice of you
to entertain me like this.

It's my pleasure.

To your health.

(TOASTING)

Something wrong, Miss SOMMERS?

Miss SOMMERS?

(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
She's out.

Get the box and head it out
to deep water.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Hmm. Thank you.

MATTHEWS: Put it out.

Give me the pack.

Come on.
Lisa!

You can't afford to let down now,
not even for a minute.

Remember that.

(SIGHS)

So how's it going?
Got anything?

Yeah.

It's something called the Howlitt Report.

I think it's important.
How's it going in Nassau?

It should be all over right now.

(IN BAHAMIAN ACCENT) There is nothing more moving
than a burial at sea, Mon.

BEXLEY: Goodbye,
Jaime SOMMERS.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

OSCAR: ls Miss SOMMERS back
from lunch?

BETTY: Yes, Mr. Goldman.
- She's waiting in your office.

Jaime, took a little while,
red tape from the government,

but I've got your top...

You know, some of this stuff
is pretty interesting.

Miss SOMMERS, are you always in the habit of
reading other people's top-secret briefs?

Oh, only when I'm sitting in their chair.

Well, get out of the chair.
Get me some coffee...

Yes, sir.

While I read the top-secret briefs.

Chauvinist.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Yes, Betty?

Uh, Mr. Goldman, [don't know
if you want to take this,

but there's a woman on the line who claims
she's Jaime SOMMERS.

Jaime SOMMERS is standing
right in front of my desk.

Thank you very much and, uh, hang up.

I'm sorry, Mr. Goldman, but she says
it's an emergency.

Where's she calling from?

Nassau in the Bahamas.
What should I tell her?

I'll talk to her.

Hello?

Oscar?

This is Oscar Goldman speaking.

Oscar, this is Jaime.

Get her!

What is this?

Who are you?

Hello?

Hey, what's going on there?

Jaime, [don't know how to explain it.

Oscar, please listen to me. Somebody just tried
to kill me,

and they came pretty darn close.

Where are you?

I'm on the beach in Nassau.

They tried to drown me.

Who?
I don't know. Two men.

Well, now, listen. Do this.
Go to the American Embassy.

Don't go back to your hotel.
I'll get somebody to pick up your stuff.

Be at the airport in one hour,
and I'll send a plane down from Miami.

Oscar, I'm really scared.

Babe, I know how you feel.

Jaime, you're not gonna
believe what's happened.

PILOT: Nassau Center, please advise Washington
of our ETA at Dulles.

0200 hours.

MAN 1: Roger, Falcon. - Four-niner uniform.
Will advise.

MAN 2: Falcon,
four-niner uniform.

You have priority taxi clearance
to Gate D4.

Be advised that a limousine is waiting.

PILOT: Thank you, Dulles. - We have one tired lady
on board.

OSCAR: Get any sleep
last night?

JAIME: Yeah,
a little on the plane.

Okay, Oscar, when are you gonna end
all the suspense, huh?

The answer, my dear,
is right in that office.

Russ, how's it going?

Tight as a clam. She hasn't opened
her mouth to yawn.

Who hasn't?

Russ?

Let's go.

Oh, my God.

Oscar, who is she?

I don't know. I just don't know.
Nothing works.

Nothing fits.

Fingerprints, dental work,
birth marks...

All we know is that she had
plastic surgery recently.

And she had you down cold.

How long has she been here?

One day.

One single day.

Enough time to photograph a half a dozen
top-secret papers,

and get the film out of here.
This a camera?

Camera. You know what I found
in that camera?

Film. Photographs of my yesterday's mail.

And what's more important, on my desk I had a
top-secret report on the SALT talks,

the Howlitt Report.

It could blow our negotiating
position sky high.

We've got to find her contact, her connection,
and we've got to get that film back here.

How?

(SIGHS)

I don't know.

I just don't know.

(SIGHS)

I suppose we could let the information pass

and hope that one of our double agents
could intercept it.

Sounds pretty iffy.

It is.

Oscar,

if she could make all of you
think that she was me,

maybe I can make her people
think that I'm her.

What about the clothes? Can you match the dress
she was wearing?

Oh, come on now. If she can match my face,
I can match her clothes.

Jaime, after all you've been through?

Hey, listen, as far as I know,
I've got the patent on this face.

Now if somebody's cranking
them out in quantity,

I think it's up to me
to do something about it.

Have you got any clues at all?

Just this.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Well, back again?

Yeah. Hi.

So what'll it be?

Oh, same thing I had last time.

Sorry, remember faces, but I'm a little weak
on drinks.

Oh, in that case, I'll have a club soda.
(LAUGHS)

Thank you.

I think I'm gonna float away.

(CHUCKLES)

Say, um, are you waiting
for somebody?

Yeah. I think so.

Okay.
I'll have another soda.

And put some scotch in it.
And bring me one, too.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you in business?

Oh. Yeah.

Ah, I knew you were a pro
the moment I laid eyes on you.

Oh, no, no, you don't understand...
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Don't get cold on me, baby.

Take your hand off me, please.

(STAMMERING)
But I bought you a drink.

I said take your hand off me.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Man, where did you get a grip like that?

In the police academy.
(GASPS)

Police academy?

Excuse me, Officer.

Was he giving you trouble?

Nothing I couldn't handle.

What're you, um, drinking?

Scotch and soda.

Thought the only way you liked scotch
was on the rocks.

Oh, well, the gentleman who just left bought it
for me.

You drink it.

Thanks. Have the film?

Nothing today.

Why'd you set up this meeting?

You said you had more pictures.

I just wanted to talk.

(SIGHS)

You could've called.
It was along drive.

Well, it's too important.

All right. But you know how he doesn't like
unnecessary meetings.

What is it?

I can't tell you.

What?

I've gotta see him in person.

You must be crazy.

For your sake, it better be good.
It better be good, Lisa.

(RINGING)

Hello. Yeah, he's here.
Hold on.

It's Matthews.

COURTNEY: What is it, Matthews?
Any problems?

(BEEPING)

MATTHEWS: Lisa wants
to see you in person.

I told her she was on her own
for the next two weeks.

If anyone sees her coming here,

she will jeopardize the entire operation.

She says it's important, something you'd be
interested in.

Is she there?
Yes, sir.

Put her on.

(SIGHS)
Lisa.

Hello.

Lisa. I want to congratulate you
on the photographs.

I'm looking at them now.
They're excellent.

Thank you.

Now, what's all this
about a meeting?

Well, I have some information, but it's not on
film, it's in my head.

So if you want it,
you're gonna have to see me.

What's it about?

Well, let me just say that, uh,

it makes the Howlitt Report
look like a seventh grade term paper.

You know, if I didn't know
you were Lisa Galloway,

I'd swear I were talking
to Jaime SOMMERS.

(LAUGHS)
All right.

Tell Matthews to bring you
back with him.

Okay. Let's go.

JAIME: We're changing cars?

MATTHEWS:
Yeah, just in case.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Safe now.

Oh, no, thank you.

You're kidding.

I thought by now a chain smoker like you would
be going out of your head.

Oh, I just can't get this Jaime SOMMERS
out of my mind.

(COUGHING)

Something wrong?

I just got something caught
in my throat.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Finished already? Whoo! You must've
been desperate.

Here.

Have another one.

Thank you.

You tell me who you work for,

and I will personally guarantee you
a lighter sentence.

(PHONE RINGING)

Now, I think that's very generous,

considering the charges.

Hello.

No, Russ. Yeah.
Just a minute.

For you.

Yes, put him on.

Yes, Bill.

What? How?

Lost her.

No.

No, come back. We'll try to find her
from here.

You hop out here. I got to go park
around the front.

I'll meet you in his office.

Okay. Whose office?

Courtney's, who else?

Albert Schweitzer?

Oh, and, Lisa?

You can drop that Jaime SOMMERS routine

and start talking like yourself.

You're among friends now.

Talk like myself?

(BEEPING)

BEXLEY: Courtney says to lock the negatives
in the basement vault.

Lisa really must be coming through.

Howlitt Report. Must be something
pretty important.

(SCOFFS)
And profitable.

Lisa!

Oh.

Oh, baby, just one day
and I was crazy without you.

Listen, Courtney's seeing a patient.

Let's go someplace we can be alone, huh?

Baby, I've been worried
about you.

Courtney's not a man to fool around with.
You know that.

Whatever you're gonna
tell him, it better be good.

It is.

Hey, listen, stop talking
like Jaime SOMMERS.

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
Where's my fiery little Georgia peach, huh?

Well, I just don't feel
like it right now.

Hey, Lisa.

Oh, honey.

Why are you being so difficult?

Now this is your last chance
to cooperate.

Are you gonna tell us
who you work for?

All right, that's it.
You stay with her.

I'm gonna get a car and take her
to a maximum security cell.

Mr. Goldman.

Well, well.

She does talk after all.

Are you finally willing
to cooperate?

I really feel as though
I look a fright.

(SNIFFLING) Would you mind
if! put on some lipstick before we go outside?

PERKINS: That a new kind
of perfume?

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
Uh, yeah. I bought it yesterday.

Uh, honey lamb, do you happen to know where
Courtney took that Howlitt Report?

Yes, with the other stuff.
You know more about that than I do.

Hmm.

Hey, come on,
you're not kissing me back.

In the basement?

Yeah, the vault.

You're making me feel unloved.

Oh, poor baby.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

(EXCLAIMS)
What the...

Oh, look at that!
You're getting all wet!

What in thunder is going on?

Get the janitor.

And somebody take Goldman
and the pens to the basement.

You come with me.

(ALL COUGHING)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Cigarette?

Thank you kindly.

How do I know you're not the real
Jaime SOMMERS?

(COUGHS)

Because I'm prettier.

Besides, isn't the real Jaime SOMMERS at the
bottom of the deep blue sea? Hmm?

Is she?

Wait outside. I'd like to talk
to Miss Galloway alone.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and see how Perkins is getting along
with that pipe.

Is Perkins the reason
you came back?

Or do you really have something
to tell me?

Come on. Would you let me come back here if you'd
have thought I didn't?

Then don't waste my time.
What is it?

Well, first, I want to make sure it's gonna
be safe in the basement.

What're you talking about, Lisa?

You mean after two years
as my secretary,

you still don't know
the capabilities of our safe?

Two steel doors, eight inches thick,
impossible to break in.

Well, it's not the vault I'm worried about.
It's location.

(COUGHING)

You should be worried
about lung cancer,

not about an impregnable vault
in the laundry room.

Now why are you stalling?
More money?

You ain't just whistling Dixie, honey.

What about the license number?

Where?

Good.

She took a taxi at the side gate.

The guard said he heard something about
a Courtney Clinic.

That's in Bethesda. It's about a half an hour
from here.

Let's get outta here.

Hurry, driver.

All right, Lisa.
Get the cash box.

Where?

In the wall safe,
where it always is.

You know the combination.

Right.

(BEEPING)

(CLICKING)

Good, Lisa. For a minute there,
you had me worried.

NURSE ON PA: Dr. Courtney
to Intensive Care.

Dr. Courtney to Intensive Care.

Close the safe and wait for me here.

We'll discuss the value of your information
when I get back.

(BEEPING)

COURTNEY: See that she doesn't leave and
that Perkins doesn't get in.

Lisa's behaving strangely.
I don't know what it is.

Oh, and have the switchboard pull out my line
until I return, just in case.

(DIAL TONE BUZZING)

(DIAL TONE STOPS)

This is Goldman. Patch me into
all backup units.

Drive to the Courtney Clinic
in Bethesda.

She's got 20 minutes on us,
so make it fast.

If she's already with Jaime,
no telling what will happen.

(SIGHS)

(SNAPPING FINGERS)

Hey!

Oh, I'm so glad to see you, honey.

Hey, babe,
how did you get down here?

I got to talk to Courtney.

Yeah, I know.

Got a smoke?

Yeah, sure.
Where is he?

Courtney?
Hmm.

Uh, in his office.
Oh, good.

I'll see y'all after I talk with him.

Hey, Lisa, weren't you just...

Lisa.

How did you get out here?

LISA: What are you talking
about, Matthews?

MATTHEWS: You were just in his office.

What's the matter with y'all? Courtney in there?
I've got to talk to him.

MATTHEWS: Talk to him?
You just did.

LISA: Well, how could I?
I just got here.

Let go of me.
I gotta get in.

MATTHEWS: Lisa!

Where is he?

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

All right, Lisa,
how did you do it?

Do what?
I'm gonna get Courtney.

Lisa!

(SIGHS)

Lisa? What are you doing?

Hi, honey.

Did you find Courtney?

Courtney? Of course.

You were there when I was talking
to him, honey pie.

Oh, yeah, I know, babe...

Oh, I gotta go. Bye.

Bye.

Hi, sugar.

Lisa? How'd you do that?

Y'all seen Courtney, sweet cakes?

I thought... Didn't you just tell me
that you found him?

I'm looking for him, baby doll.

What's wrong with everybody?
Y'all gone crazy?

Oh, I'll check with the charge nurse.

(BEEPING)

Perkins.

(SIGHS)
Have you seen Lisa?

Yeah, a couple of times.

Well, where did she go?

Last time I heard,
to see Courtney.

Intensive Care.
Intensive Care.

Dr. Courtney, oh, thank goodness
I've finally found you.

What are you doing down here? I told you to wait
in my office.

I haven't even seen you today.

We talked less than an hour ago.

Oh, sweet Georgia, she's here.

What are you talking about?

Jaime SOMMERS.
She's here.

SOMMERS? I killed her in Nassau,
watched her go down.

That's why everybody's
been acting so strange.

Lisa. I'm sorry, Doctor.
I don't know how she got out.

SOMMERS is alive?

Oh, yeah.

They caught me, and I saw her
before I escaped.

I don't believe it.
She was tied to an anchor.

That explains a lot of things.
Did they follow you?

No.

Then as long as we haven't
blown our cover, find her.

Lisa, you and Bexley
cover the basement.

Matthews and I will stay up here.

Oh, wish you were the real thing.

How much further?

About five minutes. If we push it,
we can make it in four.

Then do it.

You got that, Pete?

Yes, sir.
We'll make it in four.

Look, you check down there. I'm going down
to the laundry room.

(BEEPING)
(GUN COCKING)

This time I'm gonna get you.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Come on out, Jaime.

Stop wasting everybody's time.

Don't make me put holes
in all them clothes.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Let's go!

They're coming from the basement!

Hold it! Drop the guns!
Drop it!

Jaime!

I believe it's time for you and me to
have it out, sugar pie.

There's only gonna be
one Jaime SOMMERS now.

(DART FIRING)
(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Oscar, there's Lisa.

Oscar, it's me.

For heaven's sake, Oscar,
can't you see it's me?

Jaime?

Not bad.

All right.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

Satisfied?

Yeah.

(BIONIC POWERS ACTIVATING)

You should be dead.

(SIGHS)

Well, I guess that's it, sugar.

I got your looks, but I sure don't have
your moves.

Courtney's vault was full of stolen papers,
more than I could imagine.

The Secretary wanted
to thank you personally...

Oh, but he was on his way
out of the country, right?

That's right. So he asked me to do the honors.
Danke schön.

Okay, well, you tell the Secretary
he's very welcome

as soon as he gets back into town.

I will tell him.

What's gonna happen to Lisa?

She's going to prison.

Really?

(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT)
Looking like Lisa Galloway?

No. Jaime SOMMERS.

It's gonna take a year
for that scar tissue to heal

before it'll be safe to have
any more plastic surgery.

So you're gonna have
a jailbird for a twin.

Oh, terrific.

Well, that won't be bad.
As long as she stays put.

Well, how would you like it if there were
two Oscar Goldmans?

I'll worry about that
when it happens.

Come on in.

Oh, I'm just gonna make
a phone call first.

Okay.

OSCAR: Jaime!

Yes, Oscar?

Oh, my...
Oh, you look so pale.

What you need is a trip
to the Bahamas.

It would do your complexion
a lot of good.

I know this fantastic place
to go swimming.

You're just gonna love it.