The Big C (2010–2013): Season 1, Episode 12 - Everything That Rises Must Converge - full transcript

Previously on the Big C...

Marlene, what are you doing?

I can't find my damn purse.

Do you know who I am?

Of course I do. I'm not stupid.
I just have Alzheimer's.

I get why you didn't want to tell me.
Telling people sucks.

- Are you home?
- I am home.

Don't move here for me.

God, you are such a cunt!

I used to be an optimist,
so I'm gonna start with bee sting therapy.

I hope you win.



Paul?

Hi. You're up.

Good morning. You want some breakfast?

What are you doing?

Just mopping, cleaning.
You know, general germ removal.

Who knows how much bacteria
has accumulated on these floors,

and seeped into the soles of your feet
since we moved in?

Fungal mould spores cause cancer.
Google it.

Gonna clean this place from top to bottom.

- Is this your handiwork?
- Yes.

It's called a vision board.

I read online that
when patients wake up to good thoughts,

-it helps with their healing.
- I'm ambulatory. I can still clean floors.

You can't do it all.



I m going to be your cancierge

Catchy, right?

You're not getting rid of me.

I might sleep on the couch,
but I'm not letting you do this alone.

We don't have a couch any more, remember?

I invite you to proceed downstairs
to view your new one!

You bought a new couch?

- Yeah.
- No!

In a delightful colour called Montana Moss.
It arrived this a.m.

- I wanted to pick out the new couch, Paul.
- Well, now you don't have to.

And I would be so more than happy

to accompany you up to Canada
to see the bee guy.

Now, I know you've asked your doctor,
but I ask you,

is he as much fun in a car as I am?

He wants to come because he's a doctor
and this is a procedure.

Yeah, and I want to go
because I'm your husband.

Look, I know you want to help. Thank you.

But I have things handled, okay?

Don't get all possessive
of your cancer, Cathy.

I've seen the X-rays.
There's plenty to go around.

I got this.

We got this.

Today we are tackling the "thank you" note.

People don't write them any more. Why?

Because they think
a smiley face on an e-mail says it all.

Well, it doesn't.

So stop emoticonning and start emoting.

It's almost the end of summer here, people.

I'd like to think
that I've taught you something,

so maybe you won't grow up
to be thankless shits.

So write to someone, anyone,
and thank them.

I've given you my good stationery,
so don't waste it.

- Jasper.
- Yeah, how do we send them?

You go to the post office. You buy stamps.

Oh, Jesus.

We'll cover that on Friday.

- So your dad moved back in, huh?
- Yeah. It's all good.

Yeah, a real soap opera, your family.

Hey, hey, don't... Don't... Don't...

Just take it easy with that thing.

That cuckoo clock is valuable.

You're the one who's cuckoo.
This thing is trash.

Yeah, well, it's valuable to me.

Growing up, when that clock hit 5:00 a.m.,
and that red cardinal came out,

we knew we had to hightail it to school
before our father tanned our hides.

You had to go to school at 5:00? That's lame.

We weren't good-for-nothings
like you kids these days.

Did you ride horses to school, too?

Dinner's almost ready!

Okay, laundry? Now you're going overboard.

Am I? Or have I merely found my niche?

Look at me work around those pleats.

I like doing laundry, Paul.
Laundry's my thing.

You know, the measuring, the smells.
It helps me relax.

Tell me about it. I feel like I'm in
a Zen fucking garden now. It's fantastic.

Don't take laundry from me, Paul.

Too late.

And you're welcome. Hey, buddy.
Paul's paella in 20 minutes.

I'm not eating Dad's crap. It smells.
I'm going to Brent's.

Who are you texting there?

- No one.
- Well, maybe I should get my phone.

I could go in the other room.
We could text each other.

It's a girl.

There's a cat on fire outside.

- What?
- Made you look.

We're going to the movies after dinner, okay?

Did you finish your chores with Marlene?

- Yeah.
- Okay, then.

That's Trevor and Brent. See you, Mom.

Adam, you left your phone.

It's Mia. Leave a message.

Mia, hi. Adam's mom.

I know this is a little unorthodox.

You don't know me. I'm...

I don't know who you are
or what your intentions are with my son,

but I'm not stupid.

He giggled.

So, inferences made,

he likes you.

I knew it was only a matter of time before
the whole girlfriend thing happened, so,

here's the thing.

He's sweet.

And he's kind of shy.

It takes him a while

to talk about what he's feeling
and what he's thinking, so,

help him out.

And don't make him feel bad
if he doesn't make as much money as you,

or if he isn't the one at the dinner parties
that makes everyone laugh.

And don't you dare break his heart.

Okay. That's it.

Look forward to meeting...

Mom, I forgot my phone.

Yes, you did.

So are you a sweet, savoury
or meat-stick snacker?

I pegged you for savoury.

You pegged correct.

Excellent.

Thanks for coming.

Well, I couldn't let you do this alone.
You're my patient.

And plus, admit it,

-you've always wanted to go to Canada.
- I've been.

Look, I know I promised

to keep a positive attitude
about this bee-sting therapy,

but I gotta tell you, it sounds really out there.

Hey, if someone can be cured
by a few bee stings,

why shouldn't that someone be me?

I don't trust anybody called "the Bee Man."

He's the go-to guy.

He's got a website that plays Let It Be,

with the sound of bees
buzzing in the background.

So, what did Julie say when you told her
you were going abroad with another woman?

I didn't tell her.

We're, kind of, not talking right now.

No. Todd. Did you have a fight? Don't fight.
Life's too short.

You know that. You better know that.
It's your job.

I proposed.
She said she needed to think about it.

Julie's a jerk.
I mean, come on, what's to think about?

You're a smart, funny, handsome doctor.
Come on, you're a catch!

- You're sweet.
- No, I'm right.

So what now?

I don't know.

I don't know what's gonna happen.

I guess we're both
looking for answers in Canada, huh?

Jesus, how many Agatha Christies
does one person need?

The butler on the train did it!
You're welcome!

You better not have rearranged
my Reader's Digests.

Do you have any high-quality
reading material, Marlene? Any?

I said you could borrow a book,
not make fun.

Why don't you just go to a library?

Because, my young lad, a library card's
just the tip of the identity iceberg.

Next thing you know, they're tracking you
through the fillings in your teeth.

Bingo. Flannery O'Connor.
Queen of the Southern Gothic absurd.

High comedy, low tragedy and the grotesque.

Kind of like my life, actually.

That crazy-ass Rebecca
did a number on my psyche.

I just want to sit quietly and read
until my anxiety passes. May I?

Let me put my name in it.

Women are insane.

My mom called this girl I was texting
and left this really long message.

- Who does that?
- Crazy Cath.

Mia won't even tell me what she said.
That's how weird it was.

And I was getting close to making my move.

Your own mom cockblocked you.

No kidding. Now I'm screwed.

I'm gonna give you some advice,
my naive nephew.

You wanna make your way with the lady,

you gotta stop with the "sexting"
and the e-mails.

You gotta go back to
face-to-face conversation.

And say the magic words...

You got crap on your feet.

No, Marlene, the other magic words.
"Would you mind if..."

"Would you mind if..." what?

Anything! You put anything after that,
she's putty in your hands.

"Would you mind if I kissed you?"
"Would you mind if I touched your privates?"

- Hey!
- It works. Trust me.

Would you mind getting out of here
so we can go back to work?

My pleasure, Marlene. You see that?

Okay!

Well, even I expected something
a little more...

Clean? Legal? Medically ethical?
Pick any one of those.

- Buzz off.
- Funny.

I like this style. It's... It's very calming.

This is not an exam room.
They don't even have hand sanitiser.

You must be Cathy.

Yes, hi. Cathy Jamison.
It is so nice to meet you...

- And you, Cathy.
-...Bee Man.

Mr Bee Man. Dr Bee Man.

No, no, no. Just call me BM.

That's a little joke.
Sorry, occupational hazard.

And you must be Mr Jamison.

No. Dr Todd Mauer. I'm Cathy's oncologist.

May I ask you where you got your degree?

Yes.

What just happened?

You're going to meet Cathy.
And this is Cathy.

Look at that.

- Aren't they beautiful?
- Now, how exactly does this work?

Well, I place the bees on the skin
near sites of infection.

The venom activates an immune response
that quite literally eradicates disease.

Yes. Bees are nature's little wizards.

Yes, all of that is, of course, conjecture.

You MDs really piss me off.

He's just anxious. For me.

You're not allergic to bees, are you?

No, sir. I...

And what about you, Doctor?
Are you allergic?

- No.
- Just anti-bee in general, then.

No, that's not...

What part of Ireland are you from?

Who told you I was Irish?

Let's have you lying down here,
please, Cathy.

Now, do we have some paper
or something that we could...

- Todd.
- Todd.

Thank you.

Dude, you suck at this!

Really?

Shit! Wait, I didn't even see you!

'Well, that's just how I do-'s it
Best two out of three?

I have to go.

I'm meeting my dad
and his new girlfriend for dinner tonight.

Yeah, she's, like, 15 and has
these really ratty hair extensions.

- Fun.
- Yeah.

Hey, sorry again about my freak mom.

Hey, at least she gives a shit about you.

My mom's too busy
fighting my dad for money

to ever call up a guy and tell him I'm shy.

Jesus. She said that?

- Whatever. It's cool.
- I'm totally not shy.

- Okay.
- I'm not.

- Text me later.
- Okay.

Hey...

Would you mind if I did something?

Did what?

You know, would you mind
if the something I did was with you?

Never mind. I'll just text you later.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Are you all right?

Saying a quiet thank you to the bees.

Of course.

No other living being dies so selflessly
to give life to others.

We can learn so much from the bee,

if only we would listen.

Okay! Let's get this party started.

Yes, here's a happy bee.

At least it's a Canadian bee.
It'll be polite when it stings.

And with the exchange rate,

they'll be 20% less painful
than an American bee.

Canadian bee humour. That's a new one.

I am placing it on your skin.

Shit!

Shit, that hurt!

Loose bee. Loose bee.

Careful.

- Jesus! It's after me!
- Relax, relax. Be careful.

Careful. Careful!

Got it! Yes!

I'll just be outside.

Yes, that's a very good idea, Doctor.

- Hey.
- Hey! Jesus!

Marlene, I'm a big guy.

My heart could explode at any second.

What's with all the home improvements?

I saw you up on the roof
replacing shingles this morning.

You gonna sell this place or something?

No, no, no.
I promised Cathy that I'd repaint this frame,

and I never did.

Well, when Eddie was sick,
I just kept making banana bread.

Turns out, Eddie hated bananas.

I wasn't doing it for him.
I was doing it for me.

One day, he took a whole banana bread,
just threw it against the wall.

Cancer makes people very cranky.

- Can you blame them?
- Yes, I can.

For a few months now, you're the only one
who's known she was sick.

Well, now I know, too, and I love her,
and I want to help.

And what the hell is wrong
with letting me help?

Ever occur to you
she doesn't want to feel like a burden?

She's my wife. You know, sickness, health,
I buy into that crap.

No one likes to feel helpless.

She's not helpless. She's got me.

It's still her own journey. Don't hog the road.

So, what'd I miss?

Twenty more bees, a discussion
about condo prices in lower Canada,

and the realisation
that the Bee Man is probably a lunatic.

I wanted to support you.

You're drinking gin with me
at 3:00 in the afternoon. That is support.

God, my back is a throbbing mess. But, hey,
at least I got away with a parting gift.

You were really brave.

I was desperate.

I used to love getting my tarot cards read
when I was in my 20s.

I've been to a psychic or two
in my day, as well.

I'm not ashamed to admit it.

You are very gullible.

No, Todd, I am open. I am open.

But, you know, you get older and you
just don't want to hear the bad things.

So you stop going.
But, hey, now I know the bad stuff.

I am full of Canadian venom

and I'm gonna have my cards done.
Can I get my cards done?

Sure.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Pick seven.

Well, well. Yeah. Looking good, Cathy.

Todd.

An

Got to admit, he's kind of sexy.

He's a nutcase.

You're surrounded with love.

She's gonna have to ease in
with the good stuff.

You two are very happy together.

No, we're not a couple.

- No.
- Okay.

What's with the frown? See, here it comes.
Bring on the bad.

Well, you know,
it's really how you interpret it.

You can't scare me.

Someone close to you is going to die.

No shit.

- It's not funny.
- It kind of is. You know, you're very good.

Todd.

Todd.

You shouldn't joke so much about dying.

Well, it's better than crawling into bed
with a fifth of vodka,

and crying my way to my grave.

Todd, we need to be more realistic here.

Those 23 bees are probably
not saving my life. You're my doctor.

You know how this story ends.
I'm going to die.

I don't want to go there, okay?

Don't they teach you some sort of technique
to make you stop caring or something?

You're an oncologist,
and if you have trouble with this death stuff,

then you probably should have
gone in to feet or ears or something,

because trust me, I'm not gonna be
the only one to kick the bucket.

But you'd be my first.

Am I gonna pop your death cherry?

I gotta get some air.

Yes!

Come on, Cathy! Dance with me!
Come on, come on, come on. Come here.

Get the hell out of my house.

Yeah, trust me, I'd love to.

Get off the ladder and get out!

I said get out of my house,
or I'll blow your brains out!

Come on, Marlene. Stop...
Stop joking around.

How do you know my name?

It's... It's me, Adam.

If you took anything out of this house,
I'll have you thrown in jail.

It's okay. It's fine. I'm leaving.

I love this place.

I chill out after a long, hard day's work.
TGIF, baby!

Except it's Tuesday.

But it's Friday somewhere.

Actually, I don't think it is.

You're sassy. I love sassy.

Okay. Easy there, Bee Man.

- May I cut in?
- I don't swing that way, fella.

Yeah, I meant her.

I'll be right over there if you need me.

- Thanks for the rescue.
- No problem.

We can... We can stop dancing if you want.

No, I actually like this song.

I'm sorry I was so blunt before.
Cancer makes you crazy honest.

That's okay.

You're right. I got to get tougher.

But don't get tougher until I die, okay?
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I said it again.

I care about you, Cathy.

It's got nothing to do with you being my first.
I just...

I don't want you to die.

That makes two of us.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- No.
- I just...

Jesus, what am I doing?

It's okay. You were drunk.
I mean, you're drunk.

- Right?
- I don't know. Maybe.

You know, we're at a high altitude.
Sometimes that can make it worse.

No, it's just in reaction to the Julie thing.

No, it's not. This is so fucked up.

I've been really confused.

I shouldn't have feelings, but I do.

I really like you, Cathy.

In a doctor-patient sort of way.

I'm an awful person.

I'm an awful person and a really awful doctor.

No, no. Neither.

You are a good, kind, smart, smart man

who has deceptively soft lips.

But, Todd,

you have to pick the girl who lives.

It was an hour ago.
You can't remember where you put a gun?

I have Alzheimer's.

I don't remember
where I put my teeth half the time.

Well, then, you know what?
You shouldn't have a goddamn gun.

You almost killed my son.

I am so sorry. I would never hurt him.
He's a good boy.

Marlene, you didn't know who he was.

When you find that gun,
I want you to give it to me, okay?

I will.

You stay away from my kid.

"Dear Cathy. I wanted to say thank you
for being my friend.

"People don't say that often enough.

"When I first met you,
I couldn't believe what a pain you were

“But then I got to know you.

"You were still a pain,
but you got to be like family to me.

"So thanks for that.

"So, listen, I know you're sick and all,

"but you got to pull your head
out of your ass.

"You have a family that loves you.

"They want to take care of you, so let them.

“Adam's a good kid. Be nice to him.

"Tell him I'm sorry.

“And look out for Thomas, okay?
He likes you.

“It was time for me to go. I'm Looney Tunes.
You're not.

"Don't screw up what you have left.

“Go places. Buy crap you want.

"Don't be afraid.

"When it's really your time to go,
I'll be waiting for you.

“But until then,
live your life as hard as you can.

“That's it.

"That's all I wanted to say.

“Love, Marlene. "