The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 7 - The Misinterpretation Agitation - full transcript

So, what are you
working on these days?

I'm studying
one-celled organisms

to try and find
the neurochemicals

that lead to the feeling
of shame.

What would a one-celled organism
have to be embarrassed about?

Same as all of us, getting out
of a car without underwear.

Speaking of underwear,

I have some interesting news...

Okay, if it's
sometimes Howie wears yours,

Leonard already told us.

He was being funny.



I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, I was asked to be
a part of a magazine article

about the 50 sexiest female
scientists in California.

Isn't that cool?

I think it's awful.

Why would you say that?

Bernadette is a
successful microbiologist.

She should be celebrated for
her achievements, not her looks.

I mean, what kind of message
does that send?

I think the message is-- "check
out the rack on that scientist."

Why can't someone be thought
of as both smart and pretty?

I just don't think
a professional woman should have

to flaunt her sexuality
in order to get ahead.

Okay, what's the big deal?



Look, if it helps me make
a sale with a physician,

I don't think it hurts
to flirt a little.

I mean, laugh at their joke,
touch their arm,

maybe crank up the AC
in the car beforehand, you know,

to wake up the girls.

Maybe it's different
in the world of sales,

but it's already hard enough

for women to be taken seriously
in science.

I was kind of excited
about the article,

but now you're making me
feel bad.

No, I think you should do
whatever you want.

You know, maybe
if fashion magazines had

female scientists
in them,

I would've become
a theoretical physicist.

Stop smirking
at each other.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x04 ♪
The Misinterpretation Agitation
Original Air Date on Octo

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

(door rattles)

(knocking on the door)

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Delivery men are
the unsung foot soldiers

of our nation's commerce.

It's because
of people like you,

people like me can limit
our human contact.

I'd shake your hand,
but, well, you know.

I'm not a delivery man,
I-I'm a doctor.

Although I do
often deliver

alarming biopsy results
to my patients.

That's humorous.

All right.

Yeah, I-I bet you leave
your patients in stitches.

That was
also humorous.

All right.

Are you bringing
flowers to a patient

to cushion the blow of
a terminal diagnosis?

(laughs)

That wasn't a joke.

All right.

These are actually
for a nice woman

who makes sales
calls to my office.

Hmm.

You know, they have
delivery people

that will do that
for you.

I was hoping
to impress her

by tracking her down
on the Internet

and then showing up
unannounced at her door.

Making the extra effort.

Good for you.

Great timing,
food just got here.

Ooh, Siam Palace?
Yes.

Uh, mee krob and chicken satay?
Yes.

Uh, extra peanut sauce?
No, but you can have mine.

Eh, well, very well.

Oh, and on the topic of
sharing things that are yours,

there is a
gentleman caller

bringing flowers
to your fiancée as we speak.

What?

Why didn't you say that first?

Why didn't you get
extra peanut sauce?

We can both play this game.

Can I help you?

Oh, hi.

Uh, does Penny live here?

May I ask why?

Well, uh...

I-I met her at my office,
she winked at me.

And, uh...

I-I came hoping to initiate
a romantic relationship.

Okay, um...

Look, I'm pretty sure
she didn't wink at you.

Oh, she did.

Seductively, like this.

And then she touched my arm
for two Mississippis.

Like, you know,
one Mississippi, two...

I got it, I got it.

Listen, um...

I think there's been
a misunderstanding.

See, Penny is my fiancée.

Really?

I've never seen her wear
an engagement ring.

WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPPALI:
Really?

So, am I to presume

that her flirtation was
just a sales technique?

I think so.

When will I learn?

It's just like the cute girl
at the pet store all over again.

Excuse me?

Oh, uh, she touched my arm
for five Mississippis,

and I bought
a $2,000 iguana habitat.

Which she was always too busy
to come over and see.

You give these to Penny.

You're, you're a lucky man.

Thank you.

Sorry.

Oh, uh...

You probably don't want her
to see this.

It's unnecessarily graphic.

Hold on, Doctor.

Leonard, where are
your social skills?

This man is
clearly upset.

We should invite him
in for a hot beverage.

He tried to score with Penny.

So have these two, and they're
having dinner with us.

So, how was
work today?

It was fine,
but you'll be happy to know

they pulled
the sexy scientists article.

What happened?

I don't know.

They just canceled
the photo shoot

and said they're rethinking it.

Well, I'm
really sorry,

but I think it's
for the best.

You want people focusing
on your achievements,

not staring at your
breasts in some magazine.

I guess.

It's really not that important.

Hey, up here.

Sorry, we're...
we were talking about them.

So, look, I-I wasn't going
to say anything,

but since you seem to be okay
with the article being canceled,

I have a little confession.

I'm the reason it was pulled.

What? How?

I sent the editors
of the magazine

a pretty scathing e-mail.

Amy, what did you say?

I simply pointed out

that they would never consider
doing an article

ranking male scientists
on their sexuality,

let alone showing them
in various stages of undress.

Because no one wants to see
Neil deGrasse Tyson

in a wet T-shirt,
bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Well, it doesn't
make a difference,

because they agreed it was
in bad taste,

and now you agree, so...

Amy saves the day.

No, what happened was
you got jealous,

so you took away a chance
for me to get some publicity.

But it was bad publicity.

That's for me to decide,
not you.

I disagree.

As a female scientist, I think
what you do affects all of us.

And I think
you don't like people

expressing their sexuality

because no one wants you
to express yours.

Oh, Amy, I'm so sorry.

That was over the line.

You have a nice night.

Please don't go.

Up until my vicious attack,
you were the one in the wrong.

Here you go, Doctor.

Red Zinger
with one teaspoon of honey.

Thank you.

Neat Star Trek mug.

I actually have
one of the phasers

from the original TV show.

Oh, cool.

How'd you get that?

Oh, easy, Gene Roddenberry
needed a vasectomy.

Wait a minute.

You've snipped
Gene Roddenberry's vas deferens?

Yes.

Wow, he really went
where no man has gone before.

I don't like to brag,
but, uh, you see,

I'm kind of the doctor
to the stars' urinary tracts.

ALL:
Wow.

Uh, you, you want to see
James Cameron's kidney stone?

ALL:
Ooh.

He was so happy after he passed
it, he gave me a Terminator.

That is amazing.

How long have
you been collecting?

Ever since I was a kid,

but, uh, I didn't really
get serious

until William Shatner's
bladder infection.

What'd you get?
What'd you get?

Well, he said it was a tribble.

It could be a toupee,

but either way,
it's pretty cool.

I-I would love to
see your collection.

Anytime.

Uh, I've got some cool stuff.

When I first started,

I thought it would be
a good way to meet women,

but, well, you know...

Sure. Preach.
SHELDON: We know.

Can I ask you
a personal question?

Sure.

Um, I mean,
you're a guy like me,

so how'd you get
a girl like Penny?

Oh.

Well, you know, just...
(sniffs)

being myself, really.

Oh, please!

You know, I'll tell you
how he did it.

Implacable,
relentless badgering.

In urology terms,

he was a drug-resistant
staph infection.

And she was a urethra
that could not shake him.

I don't know that I'd call
myself an infection.

A gallant man would
defend his fiancée

for being called a urethra.

Can we please
change the subject?

Hi.

Well, that didn't
go your way.

Dr. Lorvis,
what are you doing here?

Uh, well, actually
I came to see you.

Really? Why?

Ah, that's a good question.

Apparently someone was
being awfully flirty

while not wearing
their engagement ring,

causing another
someone to show up

here thinking the first
someone might be available.

Oh, God. Don't make it
so hard on her.

Look, the first someone
is the deceitful you.

The second someone

is the delightful
Dr. Lorvis.

Oh, this is very embarrassing.

Dr. Lorvis, I am so sorry.

I did not mean to lead you on.

You touched my arm
for two Mississippis.

Oh.

That's why you were
mumbling "Mississippi."

Can we talk in private?

Please, yes.

I'll be right back.

So what other

celebrity genitalia
have you handled?

So, uh, what's the deal?

You take off your ring
when you go to work?

What? No! No!

I just put it
on the other hand and...

turn it around.

Keep that hand in my pocket.

Why?

Well, what do you mean why?

Look, I make more sales

if these doctors
think I'm single.

I did the same kind of
thing as a waitress.

The real question is, what is
he doing in your apartment?

Oh, he was upset.

So Sheldon invited him
in for a hot beverage.

You were okay with that?

No. I got upset!

And Sheldon made me
a beverage, too.

Okay, he just
showed up at my door.

Don't you think
that's a little weird?

A little, but... he's
basically harmless.

He's actually kind of a nice guy.
Okay.

Whatever, look,
my company does not allow me

to socialize with doctors
outside of work.

You got to get rid of him.

Why am I the one that
has to get rid of him?

I can't do it!
He's my best client!

All right, I'll
get rid of him.

But you owe me one.

Hey, we're going to Oliver's
house to see his collection.

You want to go with us?

Yeah, sure.

You owe me.

(buzzing, beeping and whirring)

Oh, my God!

Leonard, I was wrong.

Heaven does exist.

And it's in the basement
of a urologist's house

in Sherman Oaks.

Welcome to
my Fortress of Solitude.

This is where I go
to get away from...

all my other solitude.

Oh, come on.
It's a replica.

Original.

Oh, I think I just
cheated on my wife.

The gun from Hellboy?

Yup.

How did you get it?

Bought it at auction.

Oh, I was hoping
for a juicy tidbit

about Ron Perlman's testicles.

WOMAN:
Oliver! I'm going to play bingo!

Okay, Mother. Have fun.

Still lives with his mom.

Yikes, right?
(laughs)

Yeah, I'm not quite
sure how to respond.

Wow, Donkey Kong!

This-this was my game
when I was a kid!

Because it's a story

of a pretty blonde girl

tirelessly pursued
by a small, oddly-shaped man?

No, because I liked it.

Well, now, don't get defensive.

You're oddly-shaped,
but you got the girl.

So, I've noticed Leonard
gets teased a lot

about his relationship
with Penny.

Yes. If you'd like to join in,

the premise is their love seems
unlikely and doomed to failure.

So, you think
she'll be single soon?

Oh, if you want
to get in on the pool,

you're too late...

All the squares
have been purchased.

Interesting.

Excuse me, I have to
take care of something.

Leonard, as your friend I feel

I should tell you something.
What?

I'm still upset
about that peanut sauce.

Oh, could you
hold the door?

Nice flowers.
Thank you.

They're for a girl.

Uh, I'm being implacable
and relentless.

Isn't she lucky?

She keeps sending me
mixed signals.

But I-I think we both
want the same thing.

What's that?

Unconditional love.

I guess that's
all anybody wants.

I guess so.

Well, I hope you get it.

One Mississippi,
two Mississippi.

Next game,
let's switch helmets.

No, I'd look silly
in that helmet.

I-I can't take these.

Well, why not?

I mean, you want what I want.

And we had
two wonderful Mississippis.

But what about
the other girl?

Oh, right.
(stammers)

I'll tell her

we should just be friends.

Dr. Lorvis?

Penny, we should
just be friends.

Happy?

You think he bites?

Stick your hand in there
and find out.

You fooled me with that
goat at the petting zoo.

You will not fool me again.

I wonder where Dr. Lorvis is.

He's been gone a while.

Maybe he's playing
bingo with his mommy.

It's sad how some guys

can't cut the apron strings.

Okay, now you're
messing with me.

Uh, guys, we're locked in here.

Oh, this day just
keeps getting better!

So, you just left them alone
playing games in your house?

Well, they seemed happy and...

I thought
that would give me time

for you and I to get
to know each other better.

That was before we met.

We all have a past.

Doc, you've got to see what
you're doing

is-is a little creepy.

You sound just
like Sigourney Weaver

when I followed her
into a restroom.

Okay, you can't
just go chasing after

every girl who's nice to you.

Well, that's not
what Sheldon says.

And he seems to know
his way around the ladies.

(cell phone ringing)

Hey, Leonard. Guess who's back!
Dr. Lorvis!

Yeah. You care to join us?

What?!

You locked them
in your basement?!

Well, they're,
they're not locked in.

The door just sticks.

Okay, so how do they unstick it?

They'd need the key.

PENNY:
Okay.

Nope. That's it.

We are gonna go
over there right now.

And you are going
to let them out.

Three Mississippi,
four Mississippi...

Move it!

Oh, good, you're here.

Amy, I am so sorry.

That has to wait.
This weirdo locked

the guys up in his basement.
What?!

She seems nice. Who's she?
Just walk.

SHELDON:
You can do this.

One ladder left!

Oh-ho! Yeah!
Yes!

Next level!

Leonard, are you okay?
Better than okay.

I am having the game of my life!

Dr. Lorvis, isn't there
something you want to say?

Yes.

I'm very sorry
for locking you in my home.

Yeah, that was very uncool.

Get the hammer!
Get the hammer!

Got it.

(guys cheering)

Okay, Leonard, let's go!

J-Just hang on!

Well, while we wait,

would you like to see Tobey
Maguire's prostate sonogram?

Sure.
Yeah.

Oh, spoiler alert.

Uh, he was worried
about nothing.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man