The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 15 - The Comic Book Store Regeneration - full transcript

I've invented a science joke,
would you like to hear it?

Sure.

How many Edisons does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

How many?

Who cares? He stole the idea
and doesn't deserve his own joke.

Is that really true?

Of course, that's how you
know it's a good joke.

It not only entertains,
it informs.

- Hey, sorry to interrupt.
- Uh, Barry,

uh, how many Edisons does it
take to screw in a light bulb?

Did you know Edison didn't
actually invent the light bulb?



What do you want, Barry?

Just wanted to drop this off
as a little thank you for Amy.

What's this for?

Your idea really
helped me out.

My light-cone quantization
paper's online already.

The response
has been amazing.

Well, that's fascinating.
I can't wait to read it.

Oh, no, me as well.

Why "dot-biz"?

Because I just gave
you the business.

Anyway, thanks again.

Cooper, suck eggs.

Since when do you help
out Barry Kripke?

Well, I'd been thinking about a cellular
automata approach to neuronal connectivity,



and I thought it might have
some interesting applications

to string theory--
it's not a big deal.

Oh, really?

When I was doing string
theory and hit a dead end,

why didn't you
try to help me?

I did-- you said the only
math biologists know

is if you have three frogs and one
hops away, that leaves two frogs.

That's pretty funny,
that does sound like me.

But that doesn't mean that you
should be standing on street corners

handing out your math
to whatever guy comes along.

Sheldon, we're all scientists.

I helped out a fellow colleague.
You're being petty.

I'm being petty?

You know Barry and I
have a professional rivalry.

You heard him--
he told me to suck eggs.

If we were friends, he would have
suggested I suck something more pleasant.

Why are you laughing?

Did you learn something?

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x15 ♪
The Comic Book Store Regeneration
Original Air Date on Fe

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

Okay, Ma. Say hi
to Aunt Gladys.

Yeah, I love you, too.

Bye.

Your mom having
fun in Florida?

Mmm, she loves it.

She finally found a place where everyone
talks about how sweaty they are.

Anyway, she wants us
to go to the house

and check in on Stuart because
he might be "lonely."

She's just being nice.

Well, I'm her son, how come she doesn't
send someone to check on me if I'm lonely?

Because you have a wife.

Yeah, well, sometimes
you work late.

I know you don't like
Stuart being in the house,

but the store's about to reopen, I'm
sure he'll get back on his feet.

That would be great. I'd love for things
between me and Mom to get back to normal.

Well, normal's a
strong word, but sure.

- Hey.
- Hello.

You okay?

If I was okay, I would've said "hello"
and not the much more ominous "hello."

- What's going on?
- I'm mad at Amy.

Did she leave pit stains in
your favorite crop top, too?

No.

She helped Barry Kripke make
an advancement in string theory.

Oh, that sounds
like a good thing.

Well, it would be, except
that I left string theory

because I decided
it was a dead end.

Yeah, and then she went behind my back
to help someone else prove me wrong.

My rival, no less.

(grunts)

I'm sorry you had
to see that.

I'm sorry I didn't
have a camera.

Why would she
do this to me?

Well, I'm sure she didn't
upset you on purpose.

Besides, aren't you
the one who says

there's nothing more important
than the advancement of science?

No, I said there's nothing more
important than me advancing science.

All right, well, if I'm
understanding this right,

and all she did was help
out another scientist,

I'm thinking you might
have to let this one go.

Ugh, "let it go."

I have heard that
my whole life.

Every time something upsets me
somebody says, "let it go,"

you know, like it's my fault,
and it's not okay to feel the way I feel.

(sighs)

I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, why don't you talk to her?

Is that all you have?

Shopworn tidbits like
"talk to her" and "let it go"?

Gee, Penny, life's giving me lemons.
What should I do?

Well, you could shove
them somewhere.

Okay, now you're
getting creative.

Thanks again
for your help.

- No problem.
- Our pleasure.

The place really
looks great.

Yeah, you should have
burned it down years ago.

I keep telling you
I didn't burn it down.

We know, we know-- because
burning something down

for the insurance money
is a "crime."

Stuart, this place
looks amazing.

(chuckles)
Thanks.

You really did a nice job.

And thank you for putting up with me
staying at your mom's through all this.

I-I couldn't have
done it otherwise.

I appreciate that, and I'm
glad you were able to...

Is that my mother's furniture?

Yeah, she said I could use it.
Doesn't it look great?

Not as great as it looks in
the den where it belongs.

- Howie. - Why don't you just
clean out the whole room?

Take the string art clown
I made her in third grade

and the ribbon I got in swim class
for putting my face in the water.

What is your problem?
She said it was okay.

Well, I'm her son,
and I say it's not okay.

Some son-- looks like you spent
ten minutes on that clown art.

Well, maybe I should've gone
to a fancy art school like you.

Then I could run a failed comic shop
and mooch off some guy's mother.

Why don't we leave
so you can cool off?

I think that's a good idea.
Take him out of my store.

Your store?! My mother gave
you the money to reopen.

I'm not going anywhere.

Why don't we go get
the food for the party.

Thank you.

Smart-- looks like
we're being helpful.

Mmm, when really we're just exiting
an uncomfortable situation.

Kripke, you know, of all
the people-- Barry Kripke.

I'm so... Are you folding it like a crazy
person to get me to do it for you?!

No.

Oh, give me that.

Just out of curiosity,

if I were to let
something go,

how would I do that?

I don't know-- just think
about something else.

Can I think about
the spiny anteater?

Sure.

The spiny anteater...

never went behind my back
and worked with Barry Kripke.

That didn't help at all.

You know, some people
try visualization.

How does that work?

Okay,

imagine your problems
are a pen.

Okay.

Now imagine you're
holding that pen.

Okay.

Now open your hand
and let it go.

But I just got this pen.

It's got my initials on it
and everything.

Look.

Sheldon, this isn't
that hard.

I may have a better way
that you can teach me.

How?

What if I told you that
over the past few months

Amy has secretly been
giving you little puzzles

to test your intelligence
against chimpanzees in her lab?

What? She didn't
give me any puzzles.

Are you sure?

Boy, I just can't seem to get
these scissors back together.

Can you do it?

Darn it. There's something
in my eye,

and I need to sort
these coins by size.

Can you help?

Penny?

I really want to eat this banana, but
it's stuck inside this bamboo puzzle box.

Son of a bitch!

Okay, that's great. Now,

let it go.

I can't believe you were
testing me against a chimp!

Well, excuse me,
Amy was testing you.

I was rooting for you.

Good job on that banana
box, by the way.

Why would she
even do this?

She's been conducting
an experiment on apes

where they're given
various puzzles to solve.

I was surprised at the complexity
of the puzzles

and thought some humans
wouldn't be able to solve them.

That's when Amy said,
"Want to make this interesting?"

"Make this interesting"?
You bet money on me?

No, no. We designed
an experiment involving you.

See? Now, isn't that
interesting?

It's not interesting.
It's incredibly insulting.

Okay, (stammers)
maybe this will help--

imagine you're
holding a pen.

Before you go too far, not a special pen
with your initials engraved on it--

- that'll make the next part really hard.
- Oh... That's it. Get out!

I don't understand why
you're mad at me.

You should be mad at Amy.

Like I was this afternoon.

- Hey, look at that-- I let it go.
- Get out!

- SHELDON: - Penny?
- What?

I think I left
my pen in there.

I understand
why you're upset,

but he worked really hard
to get the store ready.

And it's just furniture.

It's my mom's furniture. It belongs
in the house I grew up in--

next to that pile of TV Guides
and in plain view of what,

for a ten-year-old, was
a quality piece of string art!

Howie, if the store succeeds,
Stuart has a source of income,

and he can move out
of your mother's house.

Seems like some old furniture is
a reasonable price to pay for that.

That is a good point.

But I didn't marry you
for good points.

I married you to blindly support me
no matter how ridiculous I'm being!

This is why I had to rewrite
our wedding vows.

Hi, we're here to pick up
an order for Comic Center.

Sure, let me go
check on that.

Dude, I-I think
that's Nathan Fillion.

- Oh yeah, look at that.
- (gasps)

And he's picking the tomatoes out
of his salad just like I do.

I always did feel
a connection with him.

Oh, I have got an idea.

We're not selling
his tomatoes on eBay.

No, if we got Captain Reynolds from Firefly
to do a signing at Stuart's store,

- that would be amazing.
- That would be great.

So should we go
talk to him?

I don't know.

I mean, if he's not nice,
it's gonna make it hard for me

- to watch him in anything again.
- What?!

The-the guy who plays
Jon Snow was a jerk.

We still watch
Game of Thrones.

He was a jerk because
you rear-ended him.

I was distracted.

It's weird seeing a member
of the Night's Watch

with a kayak
strapped to his car.

- Come on.
- (groans)

KOOTHRAPPALI: Hi, excuse me, s-s...
I-I don't mean to bother you,

but we're just really
big fans of Firefly.

A-And Dr. Horrible.

Oh, uh, I think you made a mistake.
I'm not an actor.

Don't say that.

I mean, you're not Dame Judi
Dench, but you're pretty great.

Oh, yeah, I get it-- you think
I'm Nathan Fillion, but I'm not.

So if you don't mind, I would
just love to eat my lunch.

Come on. Sorry
to bother you.

Don't know why
he's so grumpy.

I got mistaken for that guy in Life
of Pi once, and I'm still floating.

Sheldon, it's me.

Oh, hey. D-Did
you see that?

I-I figured out how to open
the door all by myself.

Maybe I'll fling some feces
around my cage to celebrate.

What are you talking about?

I know you've been giving
me secret puzzle tests.

- Sheldon, open the door.
- SHELDON: I can't.

I'm naked.

I just saw you.

Hang on.

Open the door now.
(door opens)

- Oh, hey.
- Pull up your pants!

(door closes)

It's not a big deal.

I run tests like this on
undergrads all the time.

If you fill out some paperwork
at the university, I can get you $5.

I don't want $5.
I want my dignity.

So what are we talking,
like, ten bucks?

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- Sorry again.
- No problem.

A-Are you sure
you're not him?

Uh, you can tell us.

We're scientists,
not crazy fanboys.

All right, fine.

I'm him.

And you're eating
alone at a deli.

I don't buy it--
you're not him.

(chuckles)

I just wanted to eat
my lunch in peace.

But I really am him. And thank
you very much for being a fan.

If you want, uh,
let's take a picture.

That would be great.

- Great. You bet.
- Yeah, thank you.

Wait, hang on.

If you're really
Nathan Fillion,

what's the line from Firefly
about your bonnet?

"I swear by my pretty floral
bonnet, I will end you."

That's it,
that's the line.

Although...

I knew the line-- doesn't
make me Nathan Fillion.

- Do you want the picture or not?
- I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.

How about a picture with a guy
who looks like Nathan Fillion

but a little more annoyed
than Nathan Fillion usually is?

What do you think?

Eh, it's good enough
for Facebook.

I can't believe
they did that.

I know-- it's so insulting.

At one point, they had me figure out how
to get a banana out of a puzzle box.

Wait, Sheldon gave me
a banana in a box.

He was testing me, too.

Unbelievable.

And how could a chimp
even solve that?

That was impossible.

Really? You couldn't
get it out?

Thank you.

AMY: Wow, the
store looks great.

So you guys were testing us both?
What is the matter with you?

PENNY: Eh, what's
the matter with them is

they think they're so smart they don't
care if they hurt other people's feelings.

- Sounds like us.
- That's not true.

I still don't understand
why you're upset.

You solved every puzzle faster
than all of the chimps.

Well, except Barnabas,
but he was on Adderall.

I'm sorry, but it's
making me crazy.

Can you please
just let it go?

Oh, I can help
you with that.

Imagine you're holding
an ordinary pen.

While your favorite pen is safe
and secure in your pocket.

(cell phone rings)

Hold that thought.

Hello?

How can I make
this up to you?

The answer's in this puzzle box.
Let's see if you can open it.

You could have at least warned
him about the furniture.

That's what I said
when we moved it.

You helped him?!

No, Stuart picked out those
throw pillows all on his own.

Hey, you okay?

Uh, no.

- What's wrong?
- Um...

my mom died.

What?

Uh... (clears throat)

that was my aunt.

Ma took a nap.

She never woke up.

Oh, my God, Howie.

I'm so sorry.

What can we do?

I don't know.

- May I say something?
- Not right now, Sheldon.

But I think it would
be comforting.

- Buddy...
- No, it's okay.

What?

When I lost my own father,

I didn't have any friends
to help me through it.

You do.

(choked up): I really thought
he was gonna say, "Let it go."

Okay, thanks, Bernadette.

Travel safe.

Okay, bye.

(sighs)

They booked a flight. They're
heading to the airport now.

How's Howard holding up?

He's hanging in there.

How are you doing, Stuart?

Still can't believe she's gone.
I mean, that woman took me in.

If it wasn't for her, I-I
would have been homeless.

One of us would
have taken you in.

Yeah, I don't
recall any offers.

But, you know, uh, I-I'm glad it
worked out the way it did because

I got to know this
wonderful person.

Yeah.

Mrs. Wolowitz was
pretty special.

When I first moved
to America,

Howard was my only friend.

She made me feel so
welcome in her home.

Which says a lot, because,
those first few years,

she thought I was
the gardener.

Whenever I saw her, she'd say I was
too skinny and try and feed me.

(chuckles)

She did that to me, too.

Don't take this
away from me.

I didn't care for
her yelling.

But now that I'm not going
to hear it again, I'm sad.

If you want, I can
yell at you later.

It won't be as good.

Let's have a toast.

To Mrs. Wolowitz.

A loving mother...

...to all of us.

We'll miss you.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther