The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 7, Episode 10 - The Discovery Dissipation - full transcript

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

Sheldon, did you just figure out

a method for synthesizing a new
stable super-heavy element?

Did I?!

Well, that can't be right.

No one's ever done that before.

Except me because I just did it!

♪ Sheldon and his brain, yeah

♪ Sheldon and his brain,
yeah! ♪

I've made a horrible mistake.

What are you talking about?



This table,
it's in square centimeters

I read it as square meters.

You know what that means?

That Americans can't handle
the metric system?

Amy, I was off
by a factor of 10,000.

But the Chinese team
found the element.

Yeah, well, they shouldn't have.

My calculations were wrong.

The greatest scientific
achievement of my life

is based on a blunder.

I'm not a genius.

I'm a fraud.

You know, Sheldon,
in neuroscience,

we're forever finding something
in one part of the brain



that we thought was
someplace else.

Oh, great, now I'm
worse than a fraud.

I'm practically a biologist.
someplace else.

This is Science Friday.
I'm Ira Flatow.

My guest today is responsible
for the discovery of the first

stable super-heavy element.

Welcome, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

Thank you.

Uh, the university
made me come here.

I didn't want to.

Uh, big fan of the show.

So, I understand
that you actually discovered

this element by mistake.

Yes.

And some people in the science
community are calling it

"The Wonder Blunder."

Who? Give me their names.

I bet it's Wolowitz.

It's just such
a fascinating story.

Your calculations are way off,

but they find
the element anyway.

It's like misreading
a treasure map

and still finding the treasure.

Can we talk
about something else?

Do you know that I yodel?

That's interesting,
but this could be taking you

down the path
toward a Nobel Prize.

And in chemistry, no less.

And wouldn't
that be unusual?

Because you're a physicist.

Yes, yes, I'd be a physicist
with a Nobel in chemistry.

Everyone laugh
at the circus freak.

You know, I don't need to sit
here and take this, Flatow.

It is because of bullies
like you,

every day
more and more Americans

are making the switch
to television.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth ban to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x10 ♪
The Discovery Dissipation
Original Air Date on December 5, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

President Seibert, I don't
know why you're yelling.

You're the one who made me
go on the radio.

I was expecting a professional
science interview,

not an attack
by some morning zoo shock jock.

Well, if the university
needs money so badly,

perhaps you should start
a swear jar.

Whoa! That one's worth a dollar.

I know you don't like it,

but every time
you do an interview,

it raises the profile
of the university.

That translates to funding.

Yeah, well, I'm not just

some trained monkey
dancing for coins.

Of course you're not.

People love trained monkeys.

How can you not be happy?

You're tall, thin and famous.

Oh, my God,
I'm jealous of Sheldon.

Look, you're gonna be doing
this stuff for a while.

You're just gonna have to find
a way to get used to it.

But none of you know
what this is like.

Being celebrated for something
you wish you never did.

Mmm... you clearly haven't been
with me at Mardi Gras.

Want to pause the video game
and help me clean up?

I am cleaning up.

Look at the mess the Joker made
of Gotham City.

Come on, it's your friend
who's coming to stay here.

Raj grew up in India.

Trust me, he's seen worse.

Howie.

I promise I'll help out

the rest of the week.

The rest of the week?

You said it was just gonna be
a night or two.

Yeah, but if I told you a week,

would you have said yes?

No!
Then you left me no choice.

I love Raj, but that's
a long time for a house guest.

I know, but they're
tenting his building.

He can't find a hotel
he likes that allows dogs.

He's bringing Cinnamon?

For a whole week!

The nerve of some people.

Here comes
the Embarrassment Express.

With stops at Fraudville...

WonderBlunderberg...

and Kansas City.

Because it's a hub.

Sheldon, can I come in?

Do you have cookies?
No.

Good. I don't deserve cookies.
Come in.

Wil...?

Hey, Sheldon.

It's been a while.

Why are you here?

Amy said you were
having a rough time,

and I thought maybe
we could talk.

Is that okay?

Certainly.

Although...

right now,
I'm having a rough time

because there's
three people in my room,

and it's starting to feel
like a discotheque.

Sheldon, you said you were
unhappy getting attention

for something you wished
you never did.

Yeah, I know a little
something about that.

Oh, nonsense, Wil.

Your endless tweets are
not that bad.

I remember why
it's been a while.

Sheldon, I was actually talking

about when I was a kid
on Star Trek.

How could you not
like getting attention

for playing Wesley Crusher?

You were wonderful.

A know-it-all boy genius
with an eidetic memory.

Who couldn't relate to that?

Well, not everybody
felt that way.

A lot of people
really hated the character,

and some of them
hated me because of it.

I would do interviews,

and people would be mean to me.

That just happened to me.

Next time you're stuck
for a tweet,

feel free to say
what a jerk Ira Flatow is.

Sheldon, the point is
Wil learned to embrace

that part of his life and moved
on to bigger and better things.

Yeah, I'm an author now,

I do public speaking,

and I have my own Web series
about board games.

Uh...

We're trying
to cheer him up, so...

I'm just saying
that there was a time

when I thought I would never get
out of Wesley Crusher's shadow.

But now,

it's just one small part
of a pretty great life,

and it's a part
that I'm happy is there.

I do see what you're saying.

That helps.

Good.

Would you two like to stay

and play trains with me?

Sure.
Okay.

Oh, great!

Now...

I work the controls.

I say "All aboard""

You sit quietly and watch.

Can I blow the whistle?

You should probably go.

You're gonna brush
your teeth on my couch?

No, I'm gonna brush
Cinnamon's teeth.

Why bother?

She spends half the time

licking her butt.

And the other half
licking my face.

That's why I'm brushing
her teeth.

Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm so late.

Did you already have dinner?

No, we were waiting for you.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Yeah. So what do you
feel like making?

Howard, the poor thing

just got home from work.

Let me get you a glass of wine.

I'll cook dinner.

- Oh, Raj, you're our guest.
- Don't be silly.

Sit. You look
like you've had a long day.

No, she always
looks like that.

Because she married an idiot.

Thank you, Raj.

Please, this is

my way of thanking you

for letting me stay here.

Now, tell us all about your day.

Okay, um, well, first,

I was late to a meeting
'cause I was stuck in traffic.

Well, I keep telling you to put
that traffic app on your phone.

Hey, when you got home today
complaining that you felt sick

from eating
too many jelly beans,

did I tell you how to fix it?

No.

I said, "Aw, that must hurt,"
and I rubbed your belly.

I thought of you
the whole time.

All I'm saying is there's
a time to just listen.

Thank you.

There's also a time to stop

eating too many jelly beans.

And it's when you're ten.

Hello, President Siebert.

Thank you for taking my call.

I just wanted you to know
that you can now expect

enthusiastic participation
from me regarding my discovery.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No need to thank me.

Thank my friend, Wil Wheaton.

For your information,
I have nine friends, hmm?

Ten if we include you.

Nine it is.

Ah, it's ten.

I'll count Wolowitz.

Hello, friend Leonard.

Hey, you're in a good mood.

I'm in a great mood.

Well, you're about to be
in an even better one.

I didn't want
to say anything

until I knew for sure, but...

I've been re-running the tests
on your element in my lab

and I disproved it.

Your element does not exist!

Yeah, but what about
the Chinese research team?

They found it.

Yeah, it turns out someone added

simulated signals
to the data files.

They faked the results.

Really?

Yes! Do you know
what that means?

That means all of this attention
that you hate goes away.

So no more interviews?

No, it's all over.

I can't believe it.

Well, you're welcome.

You robbed me

of my greatest achievement!

What?!

I'm back down
to nine friends!

Make it eight--
I'm sick of Wolowitz, too!

I-I don't understand.

All you've done
since you discovered

this stupid element
was complain.

I was trying to make you happy!

By taking away
my only claim to fame?

Well, if you wanted
to make me happy,

you could have told me a joke.

Or shown me a cute video

of a koala and an otter

becoming unlikely friends.

Oh, there is
no winning with you.

And koalas and otters don't
even live near each other!

That's what makes
their friendship unlikely!

Hey!

What's with all the yelling?

Leonard disproved my element.

Now all the attention
is going to go away.

Oh, that's great.
You must be thrilled!

That's it!
I'm down to seven friends.

He's counting hobbits
and superheroes, right?

When I thought the element
was real, I didn't want it.

But now that Leonard
made it not exist,

I want it more
than anything in the world.

The-the element never existed.

I didn't take it away,
science took it away.

Be mad at science.

Don't you dare use
science against me.

Science is my best friend!

Oh, good,
I'm back up to eight.

Will you tell him
he's out of his mind.

Actually, I get
what he's saying.

Oh, yes! Nine!

Welcome back, buddy.

It's like if you're dating
someone you're not that into,

and then they break up with you

and then you want them
more than ever.

I have no idea what
she's talking about.

but we're ganged up
on you so I agree.

Okay, Sheldon, what do you
want me to do,

hide the information?

If I don't publish it,

it's just a matter of time
before someone else does.

No, no, of course
you have to publish.

That's your responsibility
as a scientist.

Doing otherwise
would be unethical.

You have no choice.

Fine, I'll publish.

Can you believe this guy?

Aw! Raj did the dishes.

How do you know
I didn't do them?

Because once, when all
the knives were dirty,

you cut a bagel with your keys.

Good morning, everybody.

I picked up coffee
while I was out.

Bernadette, here's
your soy peppermint mocha.

Aw, you didn't have to do that.

Oh, my pleasure, and don't worry

about your presentation today.

You're gonna be great.

Yeah, you're gonna
knock it out of the park.

What presentation
do I have today?

Just go.

He loves you.

What are you doing?

Are you trying
to make me look bad?

I'm just being
a good house guest.

No, you're being
a better husband than I am.

Doing the dishes,
getting coffee,

knowing about her life--

who does that?

Oh, come on,
I brought you one, too.

I don't want coffee.

That's why I got you
hot chocolate.

Give me that.

Just stop showing me up.

Howard, listen to me.

You're a great husband.

Yes, your listening skills
could use some work.

But it's amazing how far
you've come given that you're

an only child raised
by an over-protective mom.

Um, is this getting weird?

Hang on.

So, yes.

Hey.

I just wanted to let you know
that I-I posted my findings.

I saw.

And I just

posted a retraction of my paper.

Now the whole scientific
community knows I was wrong.

These things happen
all the time, Sheldon.

Not to me.

The only other retraction
I ever had to issue

was when I was seven
and I conceded that my brother

was the greatest ninja
in East Texas.

But that was just a ploy to get
my face out of his armpit.

There he is!

It's my favorite superhero--

the Retractor!

Come on, don't give him
a hard time.

I'm sorry, Cooper.

I retract it.

By the way, Hofstadter,

nice job disproving
the Chinese team.

It's not a big deal.

It's a huge deal.

Cooper, maybe physics
just isn't your thing.

Have you ever considered
a career in retail?

That way you could take
things back for a living.

Okay, Barry, that's enough.

Oh, no, that's okay.

I can fight my own battles.

Isn't that right, "Bawwy."

Is...?

Is that a reference
to my speech impediment?

That's pretty hurtful.

I...

I can't control it.

You're right,

That was uncalled for.

I take it back.

Of course you do.

Because you're the Retractor!

Raj, this dinner was amazing.

If you're here much longer,

I'm gonna have
to buy bigger clothes.

Nonsense.

You need
a little fattening up.

You've been looking
too skinny lately.

Aw.

Howie, how come you never
say anything sweet like that?

What are you talking about?

Remember last week,
when I asked you

if you were wearing Spanx
and you weren't?

How's that different?

Maybe you could try being
more thoughtful,

like your friend Raj.

Yeah, well, maybe you could
try being more like Raj.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah.

He packed me
a lunch this morning.

And there was a note inside
that said, "Go get 'em""

Like I don't do enough
around here.

Now I need
to pack your lunch?

And by the way, why do you need
a note telling you

to "go get 'em"?
You're a grown man!

You should know to "go get 'em"!

I do know to "go get 'em""

but sometimes it's nice
to have emotional support

when I'm going and getting them!

Hey, hey, do you
hear yourselves?

Let's just, you know, all calm
down and take a step back.

This is stupid.

Why are we fighting?

I don't know.

I guess I was just feeling

like I'm a lousy husband.

You're not a lousy husband.

You're a great husband.

I was the one feeling
like a lousy wife.

Are you kidding?
You're the best.

I know what the problem is.

It's him!

Oh, what did I do?

You made us feel like we're
not trying hard enough.

Yeah, we were totally fine
half-assing our marriage

till you showed up.

Look, I'm sorry
you're upset with me,

but I just have to say
it's nice to see

the two of you on the same page.

Oh, it does feel good

to have you backing
me up for once.

I back you up all the time!
That is not...

He's doing it again!
What is wrong with you?!

I can't believe
they kicked you out.

I can't believe
they're still married.

Oh, no, I forgot Cinnamon's
toothbrush at Howard's.

I guess you're sharing
with Daddy again.

Bark once if you need me
to call PETA.

What's that animal doing
in our apartment?

Oh, relax, she's in her crate.
She can't get out.

I have two words for you:

Jurassic Park.

This day just keeps
getting worse and worse.

You know, if it makes
you feel any better...

It probably won't.

You're probably right.

Sheldon, it's a beautiful night.

Why don't you and I
go for a nice walk together?

Oh, everything is just sex
with you isn't it?

Sheldon, I think
you might find the support

you're looking for,
if you realize

that relationships
are a give and take.

She can only be there for you

as much as you are for her.

Thank you, Rajesh.

And, Amy, you need
to be patient with Sheldon,

instead of pressuring him to
accept intimacy on your terms.

You should probably go.

I'm Ira Flatow,
and this is Science Friday.

I'd like to welcome back
Dr. Sheldon Cooper,

who thought
he had discovered

a new super-heavy element
only to have it disproved

by my next guest,
Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.

Welcome to Science Friday,
gentlemen.

Thanks.
Thank you.

Ira, if I may,
I'd like to apologize

for my behavior last week.

It's all right.

Now, isn't there something
you'd like to say to me?

No.

Now, Dr. Hofstadter.

Can you walk us
through the process

you used to disprove his theory?

Well...
I believe I can answer that.

He asked me.

Fine.

As I was saying...

You're telling it wrong.
Ira...

to really understand
the story here,

you have to start
at the very beginning:

A small town in East Texas,
where a young genius named...

Sheldon...
That's right, Sheldon Cooper.

He was bitten
by his neighbor's dog,

leading to his first
scientific breakthrough--

the doggie death-ray.

Which, sadly, he couldn't build

because Santa wouldn't bring him
enriched uranium.

I mean, I'd really like
to hear it from Dr. Hofstadter,

if it's okay with you.

What a surprise.

Did-did you invite me back
just so you could ignore me?

Actually, I didn't invite you.

You came in, you took a seat,

and I'm not comfortable
with confrontation.

Sheldon, this interview
is supposed to be about me.

Well, that seems like a snooze.

Even for public radio.

You know, if we did
a shot every time

they said something
embarrassing,

this would be one hell
of a drinking game.

A little early
for alcohol, isn't it?

You know, I don't just say smart
things about science.

I also yodel.

I'll get the vodka.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man