The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 6, Episode 24 - The Bon Voyage Reaction - full transcript

So anyway, last night on video chat, I spent,
like, 20 minutes just staring into Lucy's eyes.

- That sounds romantic.
- It was, until I realized the screen had frozen.

Still one of my top three dates of all time.

So we ever gonna hang out with this girl?

Ahh, I'd love that, but she's not
really comfortable around people.

Yeah, I used to be uncomfortable
around people, but then I learned a trick.

I pretend everyone I meet
is a beloved character from Star Trek.

How's that working for you?

Oh, like a charm,
unnamed crewman in a red shirt.

Leonard, I may have gotten you a job.

- I have a job.
- Yes, he does. He caters to my every whim.



No, in a couple of weeks, Stephen Hawking's
team is sending an expedition...

...to the North Sea to test
hydrodynamic simulations of black holes.

One of their experimental physicists
dropped out and I recommended you.

Well, do you really think I have a shot?

Yeah, I've worked with Hawking,
I talked you up. He knows your research.

- I think this could happen.
- He kno...?

Wow.

Wait, now, but do you think
that's a good idea?

You know Star Trek.

Should a guy with no name
and a red shirt really go on an expedition?

Hey, don't discourage him.
This is a fantastic opportunity.

No one asked you, Uhura.

Would you like to hear a classic
Sheldon Cooper factoid?

- What do you think?
- Great.



I've been doing some reading
about vehicular safety.

Did you know that the highest number
of drowning accidents...

...happen on or around boats?

Interesting that you would bring that up
when I might go work on a boat.

Well, that's the thing about factoids,
they're interesting.

I know what you're doing.

You don't want me going on this trip
because you're afraid to be alone.

I'm not afraid to be alone.

On land.

On the sea, it would be terrifying.

Because of all the drowning.

- Sheldon.
- Fine, no more drowning talk.

I'll change the subject.

Who do you think would win in a fight...

...you or a shark?

Look, I appreciate your signature blend of
concern for me and incredible selfishness...

...but if I get the chance to do this, there's
nothing you can say that's going to stop me.

Very well.

Things between you and Penny
have never been better.

I hope four months apart
doesn't change anything.

I should've opened with that, huh?

If you look carefully at Venus...

...you should be able to see
the International Space Station pass by.

Wow, your friend was actually up there?

Yeah, he brought me back
a T-shirt that said:

"My Friend Went to the Space Station
and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt."

Did he take the T-shirt to space?

Nope. It's exactly as lousy as advertised.

Speaking of friends,
they have been asking to meet you.

I was thinking maybe
we could all hang out sometime?

I don't know, how many are there?

Let's see. Six.

That's pretty cool. I have six friends.

I'm kind of like Sinatra.

Six strangers, that's a lot of pressure.

Staring at me, asking me
personal questions like, "What do you do?

Where are you from? Why did you
lock yourself in the bathroom?"

Okay, how about you just
dip your toe in and meet one of them?

- Will you be there?
- Of course.

Well, that's two. Three if you count me.
This is getting out of hand.

So then, during my afternoon shift,
I spilled an entire tray of drinks on myself.

- Oh, that's awful.
- Not really. My shirt was soaking wet.

I got, like, the biggest tip of my life.

So listen, do you remember
when I said the similarities...

...of the equations of general relativity
and hydrodynamics...

...suggest you could find the equivalent
of Unruh radiation in a large body of water?

I thought I said that to you.

Anyway, Stephen Hawking's team is looking
into that, and I've been invited to join them.

Wow, Hawking. Good for you.

Well, it is,
just, you know, I'd be gone for a while.

- Well, how long?
- Three, four months.

Whoa.

- When would you leave?
- Couple of weeks.

Wow.

- Okay, well, I'll just come visit you.
- That's the thing, you can't.

I'll be on a ship in the North Sea.

On a ship? Aren't they afraid
Hawking will just roll overboard?

He's not gonna be there. He's just
sending a team to research his theory.

Oh, sure. Like when you send me
to kill spiders in your bathtub.

Oh. Okay. So four months.

Yeah.

And I'm a little worried because
things between us have been so great...

...and I'd hate to do anything
that screws that up.

If you're gonna screw things up...

...it's gonna be while you're here,
not while you're away.

I mean, look, you have to go.
It sounds like an amazing opportunity.

And I'm just basing that on how much
I didn't understand what you said about it.

Okay. I'll confirm the travel arrangements
in the morning.

Okay, good.

- I do have to ask you one favor.
- Sure.

Sheldon's nervous about me leaving,
keep an eye on him while I'm gone.

Oh, I don't know. Remember what happened
when I took care of your goldfish?

Well, flush Sheldon down the toilet
and get me a new one.

[LAUGHS]

Really, you guys do not need
to throw me a going away party.

Are you kidding me?
How often can you say bon voyage...

...to somebody when they're
actually going on a voyage?

Hello, Rajesh.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

[IN INDIAN ACCENT]
Hello, Amy. Nice to see you.

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
What can I say, it's funnier with the accent.

There's beer in the fridge. Anyway, you guys
really don't need to make a big deal.

Leonard, you're being selfish.

We need to give you a proper send-off
so we'll have closure...

...when you die at sea
and crabs eat your face.

Sheldon, sweetie, shut up.

One of the things that helped me get through
Howard being in space for so long...

...was getting married before he left.

Bernadette, sweetie, shut up.

Okay, I have a request to make.

And now he can talk.

I want to cut open your brain
and see what the heck's going on in there.

The only person allowed
inside this head is Dr. Phil.

Anyway, I spoke to my new lady friend
about meeting you all.

She thought it would be easier
for her to start with just one.

Gee, I don't know,
my schedule is a little busy.

Actually, I was thinking Leonard.

Well, thank you, Raj, I'd be honored.

What the hell?
I thought I was your best friend.

You are, but you've got
kind of a big personality...

...with your flashy clothes
and your Woody Allen swagger.

Maybe she'd be more comfortable
meeting a girl first.

- Good idea. Bernadette?
- What the hell?

Well, you're very pretty, that could
be intimidating to another woman.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you don't think I'm pretty enough
to scare your girlfriend?

Calm down, Bernie, you're very scary.

It should be me.

Why? So you can make jokes
about cutting open my brain?

A, that was not a joke,
that was a sincere request.

And B, more importantly,
I was the outsider to this group...

...and I know how frightening that can be.

But you guys took me in
and made me feel loved, like I was family.

Fine, I'll do it.

So after I started dating Sheldon,
I met Leonard and then everybody else...

...and they've all been so wonderful to me.

That's really nice to hear.

Maybe next week we could all get together.

Lucy, you don't have to answer that.

Don't put her on the spot,
she hates that. Am I right?

Tell her how much you hate being
put on the spot. Go ahead, tell her.

He's a little nervous...

...because he doesn't think I understand
the severity of your social anxiety.

You can't talk about social anxiety
to someone who has social anxiety...

...it makes them socially anxious.

Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist,
I think I'm more qualified than you...

...to understand what's not working
in your girlfriend's brain.

Don't call her my girlfriend.

We haven't discussed whether
we're girlfriend and boyfriend yet.

Now that it's out there...

...are you my girlfriend? By the way,
if you say no, I'll never be happy again.

Not to put you on the spot.

I think I have to go to the bathroom.

[DOOR SHUTS]

We might as well go ahead and eat.
She's not coming back any time soon.

This is ridiculous.
We're shopping for a party.

This store doesn't have a party section.

Yeah, it does, and here we are.

I have to say, Penny,
I don't understand why you, of all people...

...are encouraging Leonard to do this.

Well, I'm his girlfriend,
of course I'm gonna support him.

Well, you're his girlfriend for now.

Maybe you're not aware of this,
but there is a rich tradition of men at sea...

...finding comfort in each other's arms
and britches.

Honey, this is a big deal for Leonard, okay?

He gets to work with Stephen Hawking, who,
by the way, will not be on the boat, I checked.

It's not that big of an opportunity. I mean,
even if Hawking's theories are correct...

...all they prove is
where the universe came from...

...why everything exists
and what its ultimate end will be.

Me? I'm interested in the big questions.

Oh, my God,
Sheldon the genius is jealous of Leonard.

I'm not jealous.

I'm just very unhappy that good things are
happening for him and not happening for me.

Sweetie, this is a natural thing to feel.

Just because good things
are happening to Leonard...

...doesn't take anything away from you.
Let me tell you a story.

There was a girl who worked
at the Cheesecake Factory...

- ...and she wasn't good at her job.
- It was you.

It wasn't me.

But she was also an actress.

We were both up for the same part
in a toothpaste commercial. She got it.

I was so jealous, but instead of
ripping out her fake blond hair...

You ripped out your own fake blond hair.

I looked her in the eye, smiled and said,
"I'm happy for you."

Because that's what friends do.

They lie so they don't look petty.

- Yeah.
- How?

Like this.

I am so happy for you.

Wow.

No wonder you didn't get
that toothpaste commercial.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I want to apologize for Amy last night.
She was completely out of line.

Are you not speaking to me
or did the screen freeze again?

Amy wasn't the problem.

Okay, I know, it was me.

I pushed too hard. I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You know, I've been thinking that maybe
meeting somebody one-on-one...

...is too intense...

...so Friday night,
my friends are having a party.

- A party?
- A little one.

It's a farewell for Leonard,
so all the attention will be on him.

If you wear something brown and sit on the
couch, they won't even know you're there.

- I'm not sure.
- Please.

- Raj.
- Come on, don't make me beg.

And I'm from India, so I know how to do it.

Okay.

Yeah, thank you. This means a lot to me.

My friends are like my family.

Unless you don't like them,
in which case, they're dead to me.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]

- You ever spent a long time in a boat before?
- Yeah.

Are you referring to the time we got stuck
on the Small World ride at Disneyland?

[SADLY]
Yeah.

I'm proud of you, Leonard.

Working out on the North Sea for months?
That's really something.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I know.

As far as science goes,
this is the adventure of a lifetime.

Ha, ha. Maybe your lifetime, I went to space.

It's not a competition.

You're right, you're right.

I'm really proud of you,
and I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

And space beats water.

Rajesh, I thought Lucy was coming.

She is. She's just running a little late.

You know how it is, girls, always fussing
about their hair, their makeup, she'll be here.

Just give it a rest, okay?

[TURNS OFF STEREO]

Can I have your attention, everyone?

[CLINKING]

That's B-flat for those
who don't have perfect pitch.

I would like to propose a toast
to my best friend, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.

He has been presented
with a wonderful opportunity...

...and I couldn't be happier for him.

Thank you, Sheldon,
that must have been hard for you to say.

Well, I mean it. I'm really happy for you.

And that's how you get
a toothpaste commercial. Cheers.

Cheers.

That's really nice of you
to try to be happy for Leonard.

- Thank you.
- It must've killed you when I went to space.

- Oh, no.
- Buddy, you okay?

Oh, man.

What's going on?

Go ahead, read it.

"Raj, I can't come to the party.
This is all just too much for me.

I don't think we should
see each other anymore. Sorry. Lucy."

Excuse me.

Raj, I'm so sorry.

AMY:
Me too.

[DOOR SHUTS]

It did not kill me when you went to space.

Monkeys went to space.

[PENNY SIGHS]

Well, here we are.

Yep.

I'm really gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you too.

Penny, we're in the red zone.

The white zone
is for loading and unloading.

We're breaking the law.

- There's no space in the white zone, so...
LEONARD: Anyway...

...we can e-mail and I think
the phone connections are good.

You have to get out of the car now.
I'm not going to jail.

- Would you just relax?
- Oh, I see a space in the white zone.

Quick, circle the airport.

- Did you bring enough inhalers?
- Yeah.

And extra Dramamine? You remember
what happened on It's a Small World.

- I'm covered.
PENNY: Okay.

Dear Lord, a police officer
is glancing in our direction.

We've been made.

Calm down, I'm getting out.

- I have something I want to give you.
- Oh, Leonard.

It's a locket with Leonard's face in it.

He got it at the mall on clearance.
Move, move, move!

I love you.

I love you too.

Don't worry, officer, they just love
each other, we're not smuggling drugs.

Raj? It's Penny, are you in there?

Hang on.

Hey. I'm coming back from the airport.
I wanted to see how you're doing.

That's very nice of you.
Come, come. Come on in.

I can't stay long. I left Sheldon in the car
with the window cracked open.

He's gonna go through that
activity book in, like, 30 seconds, so...

Are you okay?

No.

I'm so sorry.

It's my fault.

I finally found someone who's right for me
and I drove her away.

Raj.

Penny...

...I miss her already.

I know how you feel. I miss Leonard too.

What's...?

What is wrong with me?
Why can't I ever have love?

- You will.
- No, I won't, I'm unlovable.

That's just the booze talking.

No, it's not.
I haven't had a drink since last night.

You're talking to me.

- I am.
- Aah!

And now I'm crying
for a whole different reason.

Me too.

So I guess what I'm saying is,
I get where Lucy's coming from.

- That's great. Do you want some wine?
- No, water is fine.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about it a lot,
and I totally see why Lucy did what she did.

I pushed too hard, but if I back off
and give her enough space...

...maybe there's still a future for us.

The funny thing about life
is that sometimes something you think...

[WHISPERS]
Does he ever shut up?

RAJESH: But then it turns good again
and that means it's better...

...than if it had never been bad a while.

And now things aren't good.
They are in fact...

...very, very bad...

...but at least my heart is starting to heal.
Slowly, but surely.

How I cried, it was like a little thunderstorm
on my face.

But I'm a man, okay?
So I need to pull myself together...

...pick up a pen and get it all out
in my journal. I mean...

...it's not all bad. Having my heart broken
has allowed me to speak in front of you...

...so, you know, the silver lining.

[English - US - SDH]