The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 3, Episode 21 - The Plimpton Stimulation - full transcript

Hold.

What?

Explain your sneeze.

I'm sorry?

Do you have allergies? No.

Is there too much
pepper on your salad?

I don't put pepper on salads.

I've heard enough. Sit over there.

Oh, come on.

I don't want to sit by myself.

That's what Typhoid Mary said,



and clearly, her friends buckled.

Guys, help me.

Sheldon, come on.

Yeah, it's just one sneeze.

You're on your own. See you, buddy.

Oh, Leonard,
I have something for you.

Per our roommate agreement, this is

your 24-hour notice
that I will be having

a non-related female spending
two nights in our apartment.

When you say "non-related female,"

you still mean human, right?

Of course.

Pets are banned under
the roommate agreement,

with the exception of service animals,
such as seeing eye dogs



and, one day, cybernetically-
enhanced helper monkeys.

Are you planning on
kidnapping a woman?

Sarcasm?

Yes, but mixed with
genuine concern.

For your information,
I'll be playing host

to Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton.

The cosmological
physicist from Princeton?

Yes.

And until you acquire
a surgical mask,

please address your comments
to me through a napkin.

We've been corresponding
for years about

our mutual interest in

gravitational wave signatures

of inflatons in the early universe.

And now she's under consideration

for a position at our university.

Why didn't you tell me you
knew Elizabeth Plimpton?

I am a huge fan of hers!

I didn't realize I was obligated
to share my connection

with things you're a fan of,
but very well.

You enjoy Canadian bacon.

I've been to Toronto.

Okay, fine.

Where is she going to sleep?

My room, of course.

Holy crap!

Holy crap!

Yeah, um, I have a
two-part question.

Go ahead.

A) Are you kidding me?

And B) seriously,
are you freaking kidding me?

A) I rarely kid.

And B) when I do kid,
you will know it

by my use of the word "bazinga."

So you're saying the two of you

are going to be sleeping
in the same bed?

Yes.

Bazinga.

Leonard?

Thank you.

Why is a world- renowned scientist

staying in our apartment
instead of a hotel?

Well, she doesn't care for hotels.

And who can blame her?

Windows that don't open,

multi-user linens,

keys shaped like credit cards-
as if one walks around

with unassigned slots
in one's wallet.

All right, I believe I have time

for one more question.

Yes, Raj?

When can I sit with you again?

When I've seen

two consecutive
negative throat cultures

spaced 12 hours apart.
You know the drill.

All right,

if you'll excuse me,
I am off to start

a prophylactic course
of antibiotics.

I can't believe he's friends
with Elizabeth Plimpton.

I can't believe they
let him into Canada.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You heard the man.

Where's your throat cultures?

Kidding. Sit down.

♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We
built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

The Big Bang Theory 3x21
The Plimpton Stimulation
Original Air Date on May 10, 2010

Hey, Sheldon.

Oh, Penny, excellent.

I have a question
about these maxi pads.

Are the wings truly functional

or have I fallen victim
to marketing hype?

What?

Why are you doing with-- what?

The stock boy at Walgreens

was frustratingly
uninformed on the subject.

Sheldon, what are you
doing with maxi pads?

I have a lady friend

who will be staying
with me for a few days.

Oh.

What?

I want her to feel at home.

I also bought scented soaps,
pantyhose, Midol,

calcium chews and what
is apparently a yogurt

specifically designed to
regulate the female bowel.

Wait, wait, hold on, back up.

You're having a
woman stay with you?

Yes.

Why does that seem to
flabbergast everybody?

Oh... no, no, no, no.

I'm not flabbergasted.

I'm... puzzled.

Yeah, let's go with puzzled.

A word of warning.

My guest is a noted physicist

and the leading expert
on quantum cosmology,

so please try to avoid
wasting her time

with female jibber jabber.

Female jibber jabber?

Shoe sales, hair styles,

mud masks, gossip about your
friends Brad and Angelina.

Oh, they're not my friends.

I'm not surprised,
considering the way

you talk about them
behind their backs.

She's here, she's here.

How do I look? Do I look smart?

Oh, good grief.

This isn't about you.

Coming!

Now, listen.

One of the great minds

of the 21st century
is about to play host

to one of the other great
minds of the 21st century.

So pay attention.

Years from now,

my biographer might ask
you about this event.

Oh, I have so many things
to tell your biographer.

Dr. Cooper, thank goodness.

I completely forgot your address.

But then I remembered that
I'd written it on my hand.

Lucky for me,

I didn't confuse it
with what I'd written

on my other hand,
which are the coordinates

for a newly discovered
neutron star.

'Cause if I tried to go there,
I'd be crushed by hypergravity.

Anyway, hello. Hello.

Nice to finally meet you in person.

I would imagine it is.

This is my friend and roommate, Dr.
Leonard Hofstadter.

Hi-lo.

Oops.

I-I started to say "hi,"

and then I switched to
"hello" in the middle.

It came out "hi-lo."

Duh.

Uh, it's nice to meet you.

I-I've read both your books
and most of your papers.

I-I'm Leonard, I live here,
you're brilliant.

I apologize.

He's only an
experimental physicist.

No need to apologize.

Some of my best friends are
experimental physicists.

Well, not

my best friends, but I know them.

My best friend is

a molecular chemist named Wendy.

I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

Hi-lo.

Are you hungry, thirsty?

Can I offer you anything?

No, she's my guest.
If anyone should

offer her anything,
it should be me.

Elizabeth, can I get you something?

Perhaps a feminine hygiene product

or a bowel-regulating yogurt?

Interesting choices.

Based on my current needs,
I guess I'd pick the yogurt.

Excellent.

If the yogurt works,

I bought some delightful
scented candles.

Look, it's you.

Thank you so much for
opening up your home to me.

Well, who wants to stay in a hotel?

Windows that don't open,
those crazy card-shaped keys.

I'm so glad you understand.

No, he doesn't understand.

I understand.

Well, I understand, too.

You're just misappropriating
my understanding.

Oh...

I think any university
would want you.

Except, of course,

any university that
had already had you.

Because they would've
already wanted you

before they, you know, got you.

From the mind that
brought you "hi-lo."

Let me show you to your room.

All right.

I guess I am tired.
Good night, Leonard.

Uh, sleep night.

I mean, obously, good night.

I started to say "sleep tight,"

then I changed my
mind in the middle.

I swear to God, I'm smart.

Get it together, man.

All right, let me show you

some of the features of the room.

First, windows.

Conventional.

Open, closed.

Open, closed.

Halfway open.

Or halfway closed, depending
on your philosophical bent.

Over here is my comic
book collection.

Feel free to browse.

There's a box of
disposable reading gloves

on the night stand.

Good to know.

In here, you'll find

emergency provisions.

An eight-day supply of
food and water, a crossbow,

season two of Star Trek:
The Original Series

on a high-density flash drive.

What if there's a disaster

that destroys all the USB ports?

Then there's really no
reason to live, is there?

Can I ask a question
about your roommate?

He's an odd duck, isn't he?

What's his relationship status?

Well, there was a
misbegotten adventure

with a waitress who
lives across the hall.

It ended as inexplicably
as it began.

They had very little in common,

except for carnal activity.

That's why I acquired

these noise-canceling headphones.

If you decide to use them,

please clean the ear
pieces afterwards

with the Wet Wipes you'll
find in the bathroom.

They're in the drawer
labeled "Wet Wipes."

Okay.

Good. I'll leave you

to your nighttime ablutions.

I've e-mailed you the
morning bathroom schedule.

You'll also find a laminated
copy in your welcome packet.

It's on the back of the
emergency escape route diagram.

How thoughtful.

Sleep well, my friend. You, too.

Oh, let me just get one thing.

It's my backup
emergency supply kit.

The living room escape route
doesn't pass through here.

Now, good night.

And if there's an apocalypse,
good luck.

Yes?

I saw your light on.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, I just couldn't sleep.

Me neither.

Oh, look what I'm reading.

It's you.

I thought you already read it.

I did, but it's been a while,

and I wanted to sound
smart over breakfast.

Aw, you're smart.

Oh, good.

Wasn't sure it was coming across.

What chapter are you on?

Uh, six.

Oh, the extragalactic
distance ladder.

Want to know a little secret?

Sure.

I wrote the section on
the Wilson-Bappu Effect

completely naked.

Really?

Uh, sure doesn't read that way.

Here, let me show yo

When we consider the brightness
of pulsating variable stars,

we start to see

a possible explanation for
some of the discrepancies

found in Hubble's constant.

Wow.

You really make science come alive.

Vocal test. Morning vocal test.

Second vocal test.

Second morning vocal test.

Morning, Sheldon.

Morning.

Morning, Sheldon.

Morning.

I trust you had a pleasant night.

More than pleasant.

Excuse me, I'm going
to relieve myself.

How do you take your coffee?

Black. Okeydoke.

Pee for Houston, pee for Austin,

pee for the state my
heart got lost in.

And shake twice for Texas.

Something his mother taught him.

All right, Elizabeth,

the bathroom is yours.

The seat is down, and has been
sanitized for your protection.

That's very thoughtful,
but I think I'll finish my coffee first.

Ah, so the yogurt didn't work.

I'll fire off

a critical e-mail
to the manufacturer.

Oh, good, you're up.

Look, my car won't start.

I need a ride to work.

Did you once again ignore
your "check engine" light?

No, Mr. smarty-pants.

I ignored the "fill
gas tank" light.

Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any
residual feelings you have for her

in order to get a ride to work.

Oh, yeah, sure, let me just
put this in a travel mug.

Hello.

Hi.

Oh, Penny, this is Dr. Plimpton--

a leading expert on
quantum cosmology.

Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress

who doesn't understand
the role gasoline plays

in the internal combustion engine.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Are you enjoying your stay?

Yes, very much.

Good.

Wonderful. Meaningless
pleasantries accomplished.

Elizabeth, Leonard's
bathroom time is coming up,

and believe me,
you do not want to follow him.

Excuse me.

Okay, well, I guess
I should get dressed

so I can take everyone to work.

You and Sheldon

and Sheldon's friend,

Dr. Plimpton, who you just met.

Gonna be fun.

Like a clown car.

Hang on. Hmm?

Yeah? What? Huh?

We just broke up.

Wha-- uh, you and me? Yeah, we did.

Not too long ago.

How are you doing with it?

Not as good as you apparently.

I, um, I don't follow.

You know what? It's,
it's none of my business.

If you want to sleep with
Sheldon's doctor buddy

right after we stopped
seeing each other, go for it.

Well, now... Excuse me.

I'm uncomfortable
with you recommending

that Leonard pursue having
intercourse with Dr. Plimpton,

who I assure you has
better things to do.

I'm not recommending it.

I'm saying it already happened.

That's preposterous.

Tell her, Leonard.

Well...

No.

Come on. It wasn't my fault.

The implication being
that you sow tripped

and fell into her lady parts?

You know what?

I'm just gonna take
the bus to work.

Penny, I can still drive you.

Oh, no, no, it's okay.

You might slip on a banana peel

and get me pregnant.

I must say,

I'm ocked by this betrayal.

I didn't betray Penny.

Not Penny, me!

How am I betraying you?

izabeth's my friend,
and you're playingith her!

Yeah, I guess I did.

What the hell are you doing?

Relax, it's Nyquil.

You still have a cold?

Maybe, but I don't care.

That's the great thing

about Nyquil,
it's like ten-percent booze.

I call it the nighttime sniffling,
sneezing, coughing

so you can talk to girls medicine.

Are you having trouble sleeping?

'Cause, boy, I was up all night.

Did you get a cold, too?

No, but I was awake all night.

If you want,

I can give you some of
my mom's sleeping pills.

She won't notice they're missing?

She doesn't kn she takes them.

No, that's okay.

It was something else
keeping me up last night.

And again this morning.

And... I didn't mind.

I was up last night.

I was up this morning.

I didn't mind.

Those are your clues.

Ooh, ooh.

Did the pigeon on your
windowsill have more babies?

No.

Were you up mang another
stop-motion Legoovie?

No.

'Cause let me tell you,

it's not enough to
make the Legos move,

they also have to
capture your heart.

Okay, I'll give you one more clue.

It involved another person.

did you get a Japanese love pillow?

How is a Japanese love
pillow another person?

It is if you love her
and give her a name.

Dr. Plimpton, I'd like you
to meet my colleagues--

Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali

Hi. and not-a-doctor
Howard Wolowitz.

Hi.

I'm a big fan of your work.
Thank you.

And of course, you've
already introduced yourself

to Dr. Hofstadter.

Hey, you.

Hey, you.

Boy, I'm kind of tuckered out.

How are you feeling, Elizabeth?

You know what?

I am a little tired.

Would you be a dear and
get me a cup of coffee?

Sure.

Black, right?

Actually, now I think I want it hot,
brown and sweet.

Coming right up.

What?

What do you mean "what?
" It's Halo night.

I can't. I'm too sick.

Go away.

That's why we moved
Halo night here.

Look, I brought my
mom's chicken soup.

I'm not hungry.

Don't send him away.

Let him in. Who's that

I bought a parrot.

Yeah, right.

Dr. Plimpton?

Hi. Howard, right?

Uh, yeah.

Can I ask you a question, Howard?

Do you like role-playing games?

Yeah, sure.

In fact, I'm a dungeon master.

Not tonight.

Tonight you are a delivery man.

You brought soup,

but uh-oh, Raj and I don't
have enough money to pay you.

So we'll have to come to some
other kind of arrangement.

Beg your pardon?

You two figure out the details,

I'm going to go
change into something

I don't mind getting
ripped off my milky flesh.

What the frak?

Go away.

She wants New Delhi,
not Kosher deli.

Besides, you have a girlfriend.

We broke up weeks ago.

Why didn't you say anything?

I was waiting for the right time.

This is the right time.

Hey, who's ready for Halo?

Oh, this is like a nightmare.

Get lost!

He's right. The numbers
are shaky enough as it is.

I don't understand.

Oh, good.

Leonard's here.

Good?!

Elizabeth?

What's going on?

What's going on is you and
Howard are my moving men

and Raj is my new landlord

and I don't have enough
money to pay any of you.

Is she suggesting what I
think she's suggesting?

Yep.

Welcome to the Penthouse Forum.

Okay, show of hands.
Who's up for this?

We'll all be naked in
front of each other.

I'm out.

Everybody ready?

Follow my lead.

Almost.

We're, we're going to go out

into the hallway and, uh,

make a dramatic entrance.

Oh, good. It's so much
better when everyone commits.

Run. Run, run, run.
Don't look back.

I thought we had something special.

So, you say you can't
pay your rent...

Oh, Leonard?

Hey.

I found these in the dryer.

I'm assuming they
belong to Sheldon.

Thanks.

It's really hard to
find these in his size.

So, listen.

I've been meaning to talk to
you about the other morning.

You mean you and Dr. Slutbunny?

Yeah, I wanted to explain

Well, you don't owe
me an explanation.

I don't?

No, you don't.

So you're not judging me?

Oh, I'm judging you
nine ways to Sunday,

but you don't owe
me an explanation.

Nevertheless, I'd like
to get one on the record

so you can understand
why I did what I did.

I'm listening.

She let me.