The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 12, Episode 12 - The Propagation Proposition - full transcript

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

So I told my mom
she just needed to back off.

This is our wedding,
and if anyone's gonna

design the floral arrangements,
it's going to be my man.

Thank you.

I mean, I-I'm not trying
to be a Groomzilla,

but... this is my specialty.

Everything okay?

Yeah, it's just
Anu's doorbell camera.

I helped her install it.

You can't look at it.
That's spying.



Who the hell is this guy?

Ooh, let me see.

So you're still talking
to your ex-boyfriend?

Yes, and I'm not gonna
apologize for that.

And you need to delete
that app from your phone.

Because you're hiding
something from me?

No, because you
should trust me!

How can I trust you?!
I barely even know you!

Then what are we doing?

I don't know.

- Oh!
- Aah,

sad man!

This is so great.

Why don't we do it
more often?



Because you have two kids,

I have Sheldon,

and Penny's apparently
in the gym all the time,

'cause damn, look at her!

Yeah, so impressive
how you manage

to bounce back
after having no babies.

Ah, another reason why
we don't do this more often.

You've come
to a giant metal door.

I check the door
for traps.

There are no traps.

I use my wizard eye

to see what's on the
other side of the door.

Hey, that's sort of like how
you used a doorbell camera

to spy on your fiancée.

No, it's nothing like that.

Your wizard eye
reveals a monster.

- Oh. Is it alone and unloved?
- I guess.

I open the door and say,
"Hey, Raj."

I have a bottle
of champagne for you.

Oh, we didn't order this.

It's from the gentleman
at the end of the bar.

Oh. Well, if we drink it,
does that mean

we're making a promise?

'Cause I am happily married,
although I will watch.

We're not gonna do anything.

Really?
So all that work's for Leonard?

Why don't you just
call her? I'm sure

you guys can work this out.

I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just play.

Okay, the cyclops tells you

that the enchantress
you seek is staying

at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords.

Really? An inn?

Anu is a concierge at a hotel.

That's a little insensitive,

don't you think?

I hadn't noticed that
before you mentioned it.

Well, now that I've
mentioned it, how do you feel?

Bad.

Shame on you.

- Hey, ladies.
- Zack!

Hi. You guys
know Zack.

- Yeah.
- Of course.

Did-did you
send this over?

I did. I asked for the
most expensive one they have.

They said it was $200,

and I said
I want a more expensive one.

And then, they said it was $300.

But it-it was the same...

Don't.

Thank you, but you shouldn't
have spent so much.

Nah.

It's cool. I sold my company
for a boatload of money.

And then I bought a boat.

Then I got married.

Guess where.

On your boat?

No, but that would've
been awesome!

Well, congratulations.

Hey, you and Leonard

should come over and have
dinner with us on our boat.

Yeah, that would be so nice.

Leonard was just saying
how he was hoping to have dinner

with one of your ex-boyfriends
on his expensive boat.

- Well, then this worked out perfect!
- Oh, yeah.

♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x12 ♪
The Propagation Proposition
Original Air Date on January 10, 2019

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Hey. How was game night?

Oh, off the charts.

Literally.
Sheldon rolled a number so high,

it wasn't on any
of these charts.

That's funny.

Wow. I should not have
driven home.

How was ladies' night?

It was fun. Amy got drunk
and kept telling us

that Sheldon's chest is smooth
like a porpoise.

Well, it does squeak
when you touch it.

And we ran into Zack.

Oh. Yeah? How's he doing?

- He got married.
- Oh. Well, that's nice.

Yeah, and he sold his company
for a fortune and retired.

Huh.

And you ended up with me,
so everybody wins.

Wait. You're not
jealous of Zack, are you?

What? Oh, absolutely not.

In fact, he should be jealous
of me because I have you.

Oh.

And a dungeon with over 30 rooms
left unexplored

because no one thought
to search for secret doors

under the wizard's throne.

Oh. You know, I'd
like to go exploring.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I'll get the dice
back out.

Go away, Raj!

What are you doing?

I'm winning you back
Love Actually style.

I don't know what that means.

Really? You've never
seen Love Actually?

If you want to watch it
right now, I'll just wait.

I have nothing to say to you.

Look, we both made mistakes.

I am so sorry that
I spied on you.

I didn't mean to, but
I know it was not okay.

Now, do you want
to apologize to me?

You also said you don't trust me
and that you barely know me.

I really thought this would be
more of a back-and-forth thing.

Honestly, Raj, why do you even
want to marry me?

You know, family
and India and stuff.

Here's what I think.

All of your friends are married,

and you don't want
to be left behind.

And honestly, that's not
a good enough reason.

Uh, okay, well, how
is that different

than what you're doing? Hmm?

Worried that you wasted

so many years dating the
wrong people, and now,

you're just looking
for a shortcut.

You're right.
It's not different.

Okay, so we agree.

- Yeah.
- Great.

Wait. What did we
just agree on?

That we shouldn't
see each other anymore.

You know what?

Why don't you shut the door,
and I'll just do the cards?

Uh, do you remember
Penny's ex-boyfriend Zack?

Leonard, I remember all
of Penny's ex-boyfriends.

If you'd like, I could
list them alphabetically.

No, thank you.

Fun fact.
You would think

Zack would be
the last one on the list,

but she also dated two Zekes.

Well, apparently,
Zack sold his company

for a ton of money and retired.

And that bothers you?

I don't know. I mean...

I guess so. Yeah.

It doesn't seem fair.

I work hard.

I'm really smart.

I've made substantial
contributions to my field.

But Zack gets to be rich,

while I'm still working
for a paycheck?

Well, a lot of people
you don't know are rich.

That doesn't seem to bother you.
Mark Zuckerberg,

Sultan of Brunei,
Gordon Letwin.

Who's that?

He's one of the first
11 employees of Microsoft.

Yeah, well, I don't

have to hang out with Gordon Letwin.
- Well, that's too bad.

He helped create
the HPFS file system.

Oh, the stories he could tell.

Penny told him we'd go have
dinner with him and his wife

on their stupid boat.

Well, just tell her
you don't want to go.

Well, then, she'll think
I'm being jealous and petty.

So you want to seem
mature and confident.

I make one mistake, and she says
she doesn't want to marry me.

- Like she never screwed up.
- Did she?

Well, she agreed to marry me.

Honestly,

I think you dodged a bullet.

I don't think
she was right for you.

Howie, shh.

What?

You can't bad-mouth Anu.

They're gonna
get back together,

and you're gonna look
like a jerk.

I mean, remember

when we broke up, and Penny said
all those mean things about you?

What did she say?

I don't want to get into it.

Some of it was hurtful,
most of it was true.

So I'm just supposed
to lie to my friend?

I don't want you to lie to me.

No one's gonna lie to you.

Lie.

She says

the only reason I'm marrying her

is because
all my friends are married,

and I don't want
to feel left out.

Oh, that's nonsense.

No.
She's right.

Now what do I say?

So, Marissa, how

did you guys meet?

Oh, it's a pretty
funny story.

We met in a bookstore.

That is funny.

Yeah, I was just there
using the bathroom,

but this one had a stack
of books, like, this tall.

Oh. So, you really like to read?

Oh, no. I work there.

Yeah, she is super smart.

Seriously, you name,
like, any book,

she'll tell you if
she's heard of it.

Go on, try her.

Oh, uh, well, uh...

Catcher in the Rye.

Nope.

Look at that, Penny.

I guess we both like nerds.

So, uh, we gonna
take this thing out?

Nah. It's a little
choppy tonight.

Yeah, that's okay-- this is
nice, sitting under the stars.

It's actually kind of peaceful.

Well, it's a beautiful boat.

Thanks, man.

We love it.

Although, he's so tall
he bangs his head

almost every time
he goes downstairs.

After the first couple,
you don't even feel it.

Where are our manners?

Zack, let's get our guests
something to drink.

Oh, you got it, babe.

I can't believe
that guy's rich.

Ooh, watch your head.

That was a close one.

Are you jealous?

I know, I know,
I shouldn't be.

He's super sweet.
I should be happy for them.

Oh, it's driving
me crazy, too.

- Really?
- Yes. I was trying to pretend

like it wasn't so you
wouldn't think I was petty.

Wha-- turns out
we're both petty.

I love you so much.

Aw.

Cheers, guys.

- Aw, thanks.
- Thank you.

So listen, I got
to be honest.

We sort of have another reason
for asking you here.

We want to have a baby,

but we can't do it
on our own.

It could be because of the game me
and my frat brothers used to play

where we kicked each other
in the balls over and over.

But the doc says
there's no telling.

We just don't know.

Huh.

You went to college.

And Zack's
always admired you

because you're
the smartest person he knows.

Okay, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa. You know, this
has been such a nice evening.

Let's all just stop before
anyone says any more things.

Leonard, would you be
the father of our baby?

Aw, you said a thing.

Wow, this is
really flattering.

And also really weird, right?

Oh, just to be clear,

you don't get to...
you know.

No, I...

- I got it.
- Just because I slept

with your wife doesn't mean
you get to sleep with mine.

We... we get it,

but... thank you
for saying it out loud.

You're welcome.

I know it's a big ask,
but it would mean so much to us.

Yeah, and we

really don't want
a stranger's, you know...

- I know.
- ...sperm.

And Zack's always talked about
what a great guy Leonard is.

I...

I really
don't know what to say.

Really? You don't know
what to say?

You know, I-I think we
should talk about this.

Oh, yeah. Definitely,
you guys should talk, yeah.

Take your time.

He means privately.

- Right. Sorry.
- Sure. Yep.

- Come on,Zack.
- Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

You really think
those two should be parents?

There's nothing
wrong with them.

Ow!

Hello, Daddy.

Did you install a camera
to spy on your fiancée?

What?!

No!

That's what her parents told me

when they said they
were calling off the wedding.

But I told them you would never
do such a thing.

Thank you.

I mean, I did install a camera

and I did spy on her, but I did
not install it to spy on her.

Well, that's not going
to be our story.

Our story is that she's a liar.

And-and old.

An old, dirty liar.

Oh, no.
She's-she's actually great.

I'm the one who screwed up.

Well, don't say that to them.

She's bad. You're good.

They have to pay me back
for my wedding deposits.

This is all my fault.

I should have...
I should have just trusted her.

So you're saying
you still want to get married?

Fine. Then I'll call her parents

and we'll straighten
this whole thing out.

I don't think
she wants to marry me.

And honestly...

she deserves someone better.

Rajesh, you need to stop
being so hard on yourself.

You're a good man.

Wow.

Y-You've never told me that.

You're also a dope.

That you've said.

But your heart's
in the right place,

and you deserve happiness.

So you just need to figure out
what you want,

and if that means cancelling the
wedding, we cancel the wedding.

Thank you.

But figure it out quickly,
or I'll be celebrating

my next birthday
with a lot more elephants

and marigolds than I expected.

And Leonard just stood
there with a big, dumb smile on his face,

like he was watching a puppy
and a monkey make friends.

Well, I can see how he'd
be flattered to be asked.

It's not flattering.
It's creepy.

Well, something can be both
flattering and creepy.

You know, just the other night,
Sheldon said that my feet

looked like
Richard Feynman's hands.

Really? So
you'd be okay

if someone wanted to use Sheldon
as their sperm donor?

Oh, absolutely not. I am
the only handmaid in this tale.

So Leonard's
really considering this?

Yes. We got in a
huge fight about it.

He said, well, if I
don't want to have his baby,

then why shouldn't someone else
be able to? Do you believe that?

What?

Well, there is
a deep-seated biological drive

to pass on your genes.

It's only natural.

So you're on his side?

Well, viewing
Leonard as a mammal,

it's perfectly
understandable.

But viewing him
as your husband, he stinks.

And we hate him.

Really? Zack wanted you to donate

your genetic material
for his baby?

Yeah. So I'd be helping out a
couple who really want a baby,

and they were gonna pay us,
and Penny freaked out about it.

- That doesn't make any sense.
- I know.

They wanted you?

Yes, Sheldon,
they wanted me.

I'm smart. I'm nice.
I'm smart. I'm nice.

And I can eat cheese
without clearing out a room.

Are you upset he
didn't ask you?

Of course not. I just
think it's interesting

that of all the people he knows,
he thinks you're the best choice.

Well, he does.

I don't see why Penny
is so against this.

Well, perhaps Penny's worried
that you haven't considered

the emotional toll of knowing
there's a child out there

who is biologically yours
but not actually yours.

Wow, that's
really insightful.

Yeah, I'm taller than you
and I don't have asthma.

Those people are crazy.

Come on, I know you're there,
and I know you know it's me.

- You're just making this harder.
- Look...

you were right.

I was doing this for
the wrong reasons.

You deserve to marry
someone who knows

how amazing you are...
and who proposes

because he doesn't want to spend
a single day without you.

Not... not because he wants
to catch up to his friends.

Thank you.

And I want you to know, I
think I could be that man.

Raj, I'm not gonna marry you.

- I'm not asking you to.
- Then why are you here?

Because I like you.

Okay? I like you.

I-I like you enough
to start this relationship

at the beginning,
not in the middle.

So...

will you go out
on a date with me?

I don't know.

Okay.

But I warn you,

I just got out of
a weird relationship,

and I might complain
about my ex a lot.

Maybe he's being weird because he
doesn't know how to ask for his ring back.

Hey.

Hi.

Where you been?

Just out.

All right, look, um...

I'm sorry that we fought before.

I know this is
a really unusual situation,

and if you don't want me
to do it, I won't.

Really?

Yeah.

We're a team.
We're in this together.

I'll be right back.

What is that?

It's a sample cup.

Really? 'Cause it looks like
the top off the NyQuil bottle.

It's the closest thing
I could find.

- It's a gesture. Shut up.
- All right, sorry.

So... are you saying
you're okay with this?

I don't know,

but... when I told you
I didn't want to have kids,

you didn't have a say
in that, so...

maybe I don't need
to have a say in this.

Thank you.

They couldn't have picked
a better person.

Are you calling Zack?

No, Sheldon. Would you say
that last part one more time?

Oh, my...

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man