The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 9 - The Bitcoin Entanglement - full transcript

Why are they making
four more Avatar movies?

It's not like the first one
is even that good.

What are you talking about?
You love that movie.

You even went as Avatar
for Halloween.

I remember. That was
not a lot of clothes.

Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm, uh, I'm running
a special today, uh,

buy something, keep having
a comic book store to come to.

This is awkward.

I was actually gonna
return this.



What's wrong with it?

I-I finished it.

Speaking of something
I find interesting,

did anyone read that article
about Bitcoin I sent you?

Yeah, I can't believe
a single Bitcoin

is worth about $5,000 now.

Wait, didn't we mine some
a few years ago?

It was seven years ago.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Really? All I can remember
from seven years ago

is I couldn't get Kesha's
"Tik Tok" out of my head.

♪ Tik Tok, on the clock... ♪
Whoa, welcome home, Kesha.

No, we-we definitely mined some.

I-I remember sitting in your
bedroom and writing the program.



I think we ended up
with a bunch of it.

Wow, and at, like,
$5,000 apiece, that's...

Sounds like a lot of money,
which we agreed to share

'cause I-I was totally there.
I remember now.

I can't believe
we forgot about it.

It's not that surprising.

They were basically worthless
when we got them.

I wish I knew
how much we had.

Sheldon,
you must remember.

Of course I do.

Oh, yeah, he and I
totally remember.

You tell them, Sheldon.

I can't believe you haven't
seen Avatar yet.

What is wrong with you?

Penny and I just started dating,

and you know
I don't like big crowds.

Because you're afraid Penny will
leave you for someone in them?

Terrified.

Yes, instead of going out,

they just stay home
and have constant coitus.

Well, I didn't want to say it,
but I-I do like to hear it.

Yes, Ma, I'll be
home for dinner.

No, I'm not ruining
my appetite with candy.

Oh, we're having brisket?

Be home at 6:00.

Maybe we should double date.

I'll bring Penny
and you can bring your mom.

Oh, make your jokes,

but my date started
a savings account for me.

Did yours?

- Hey, you guys.
- Hey.

Oh, Stuart, good.
I was wondering,

will you be accepting Bitcoin?

Well, I don't know what that is,
but it's got "coin" in it,

and my cash register doesn't,
so... yeah.

Wait, what's Bitcoin?

It's a new online currency
that's been developed.

Uh, it's just like
actual money,

except you can't see it, hold
it, or spend it on anything.

Sounds like the kind of money
I'm familiar with.

If it's not tangible,
how do you know

it's not just gonna
vanish tomorrow?

Really? You're dating Penny, and
you're gonna poke at something

that could vanish tomorrow?

I'll buy some Bitcoin.

I just came into
a little extra money

when my dad raised my allowance.

You don't have
to buy Bitcoin.

You can mine it.

Mine it?
Like, mining gold?

Sort of.
There's a limited amount,

and we find it,
not by tunneling into the earth,

but by using a computer to solve
complex mathematical problems.

So let me get this straight.

We have to write
an elaborate program

in order to find a fake coin
that we can't spend on anything?

Yes.
That sounds fun.

Yeah, I'm in.

Staying up late,

writing code,
it sounds like a party.

Hey, Stuart.

You want to mine
some Bitcoin with us?

We'll write the program,
you bring the snacks?

Too rich for my blood.

All right, so just
the four of us.

Before we begin,

this may have some
unprecedented tax implications.

In fact, we should start
early 'cause we are gonna be

on the phone with
the IRS for hours.

Did anybody else
just get goose bumps?

Great, so just the three of us.

Oh, yeah.
We did it without you.

And do you remember
what happened next?

Your mom called my mom
and said we were being mean?

And after that?

You said that someday
we'd regret this.

And do you know

what today is?

The day we found out we're rich
and none of it is yours?

Yeah, that's right!
Up top!

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x09 ♪
The Bitcoin Entanglement
Original Air Dat

Okay, this is the laptop

I was using in 2010.

The Bitcoin
must be on here.

So what are you gonna do
with your share of the money?

Uh, well,
as a responsible adult,

I'll put that money into a CD,
wait for that CD to mature,

and then buy a tiger.

How about you?

Oh, that depends on

whether I tell
Bernadette or not.

Howard, I can hear you.

The baby monitor is on.

I know. I was joking.

I'm gonna put it

in a college fund.

All right, all booted up.

Wow, I-I knew you
were single back then,

but that is
a lot of porn...

Science!
A lot of science.

Wow, you were really
into Asian science.

I don't see the Bitcoin on here.

Hey, maybe it's in
that folder marked

"Private and Confidential."

It's not!

Okay, the program
is almost ready to run.

Mining for coins
sounds so manly.

Ooh, we should sing
a mining song.

Do you know a mining song?

I don't know.

Does "Tik Tok"
by Kesha count?

Because it has tunneled
its way into my heart.

Howard, what's going on?

Are you boys roughhousing?

No, we're not roughhousing!

We're scientists!
Scientists don't roughhouse!

Excuse me, Mr. Grown-up.

Aw, man,
what happened?

It crashed.

It's been doing that lately.

I think it's got a virus
from all the...

music I've been downloading.

What kind of music?

Mostly Asian.

Some oldies.

Well, we can
use my laptop.

Howard, I made cookies

for you and your little friends!

They're not my little friends,
and we don't want cookies!

Actually, a cookie sounds good.

All right, we'll have cookies!

Thank you very much!

That's right.
It must be on my old laptop.

Well, let's go.

Hey, Bernie, you mind if
I run to Leonard's and...

Get a laptop full of money?

Why are you still here?
Go, go, go!

So, how's the wedding
planning going?

Great.

Although, we're having trouble
agreeing on a location.

I thought you were looking
at a cliff on the beach.

We were, but Sheldon
didn't like any of them.

Some were too beachy,
some were too cliffy.

And all of them
were too outsidey.

Well, weddings aren't
about the location.

They're about standing up in
front of your family and friends

and promising that Sheldon
will never move back in here.

- Hi.
- Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Uh, we have a bunch of Bitcoin
on an old laptop,

and it could be worth,
like, a lot of money.

What... You're kidding.

No. We-we could be
sitting on a fortune.

Okay, let the record show,
I did not marry you for money,

but you just got
way more attractive.

Damn it,
it's not in here.

If only you had someone around
with an eidetic memory.

I bet they would know
what happened to it.

If you know, just tell us.

Excuse me, but if I recall
from seven years ago,

you don't want me
to be a part of this.

Sheldon,
you can't still be mad.

Oh, please.

I have grudges that
go back to preschool.

Someday, I'm gonna find
a grown-up Elaine Dwyer

and eat her favorite crayon
while she watches.

Is that why there's an
Elaine Dwyer on our guest list?

Yes.

That night, I'm going to have
the first dance

and the last laugh.

Sheldon, please.

Should I be the bigger man?

I think you should.

Oh, why'd I ask you?

Hey there, pretty lady.

I'm not waiting
on your table for you.

Come on,
this one is so annoying.

Excuse me, waitress.

You guys ready
to order?

Can you take
our picture, please?

Oh, sure.

Smile!

Perfect.

Thank you.
You may go now.

It was nice to meet you,

and I mean that politely,
not sincerely.

What was that?

I need to prove to my mother
that I'm on a date.

If she thinks
I faked the picture,

I might need you as a witness.
What's your name?

Bernadette.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey.
Everybody good?

- Yeah. - Fine.
- Sure.

You don't have to whisper,
you can just nod your head.

Or you could just speak.

You having a good day?

No, I missed an audition

because my computer broke,
and I didn't get the e-mail.

Would've been
a perfect part for me.

Was it waitress
who ignores her customers?

Because that's the role
you were born to play.

Shut up and eat your burger.

Actually, it's a turkey club.

Didn't you order a burger?

I did, and yet here we are.

You know what,
if you need a computer,

you can use my laptop.

Oh, that's sweet, but I'm not
gonna take your computer.

Oh, it's fine.
I-I'm getting a new one anyway.

- Are you sure?
- Don't be silly.

He's desperate
to hold on to you.

You can get anything out of him.

His car, his watch...

Maybe a kidney.
You already have his testicles.

You can start a collection.

Oh, my God, that's right.
You gave me your laptop.

That was so sweet.

So you know where it is?
Of course.

- All right! - Yes!
- Great!

I gave it to
my ex-boyfriend Zack.

- Come on! - Why?
- No!

Okay, Zack,
thank you so much.

We'll be right over.

He still has it.

I can't believe you took
a gift from me

and gave it to another man.

Really?

Of all the things she's given
to other men,

that's what you're
concerned about?

Please don't make
a big deal about this.

It was a long time ago,
we were broken up.

Which breakup was that?

Was that the Saint
Valentine's Day Massacre?

No, no.

This might've been during
the Comic-Con Dump-A-Thon.

You have names for our breakups?

Well, they would really
blur together if we didn't.

The Comic-Con breakup's
easy to remember

because Leonard
was the saddest Pikachu.

Right, and he wiped his nose
on your cape,

and then you were
the saddest Darth Vader.

You know, Penny and I aren't
the only ones who've broken up.

So did Howard and Bernadette.

Uh, not to brag, but all
my breakups have lasted.

I'm so sorry to hear
about you and Howard.

Thanks. I just
didn't think he was

the kind of guy who would be
doing weird stuff online.

Really? Wow, I thought
it was so obvious, but okay.

Look, I know it's hard,
but I think the best thing

to do after a breakup
is to take some time

and be by yourself.

Yeah, that's healthy.

Hey, babe,
ready to go?

Do as I say, not as I do.

I cannot believe you're mad.

I'm not mad.

Oh, really?
Tell that to your eyebrows.

Bet I could place a
quarter between them,

and it would
just stay there.

Fine, I'm mad.

I guess I was more upset
by our breakup than you.

That is not true.
Of course I was upset.

Didn't seem like it.

You started dating the first

tall, handsome hunk
you could find.

I'm sorry,

are you mad that I dated Zack
or that you didn't?

- Hi. - Hi.
- Hey, Zack.

So good to see you guys.

Man, we should
do this more often.

Come over to get laptops
back from you?

Totally.

So do you have it?

Of course I do.
Penny gave it to me as a gift.

You don't get rid
of something like that.

Huh.

All right, I'm sorry
I gave away your stupid laptop.

You should be. We were broken
up for, like, five minutes.

Are you guys fighting?

Yeah.
No.

Are you fighting about

whether or not you're fighting?

'Cause I've had
that fight before.

Turns out we were,
and I lost.

Leonard thinks when we broke up,
it didn't bother me.

That's crazy.

When we were going out, she used
to talk about you all the time.

In fact, I think
she only dated me

because I reminded her of you.

Sure.

Because we're both...

people?

Damn right we are.

Oh, also, there was that video
about how much she missed you.

What video?
The one on the laptop.

I didn't mean to invade your
privacy, but I am a huge snoop.

Ask my neighbor.
She'll tell you.

But not right now;
she's in the shower.

Hello, Leonard.

I was gonna write you an e-mail,
but I'm a little drunk,

and spelling is
a sober person's game, so...

I feel I owe you a 'splanation.

I... I'm sorry.

A 'splanation.

Penny. Penny.

Penny.

Sheldon, go away.
I'm making a video.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll come back
when you're alone.

No, no, no.
I am alone.

I'm just telling Leonard
why I broke up with him.

Oh, he knows.

The video I want to see

is why you went out with him
in the first place.

I went out with him
because he's great.

And if I kept
going out with him,

I probably would've married him,

and that's
a little scary

because I just don't think
I'm ready for that.

You know, plus I have got to
learn how to spell Hofstadter.

I-I know there's
a "D" in there,

but it keeps moving
every time I try and write it.

Sheldon, what do I do?

Try to pass out facedown, so you
don't choke on your vomit.

I am not
gonna pass out.

But thank you anyway.

Wow.
I know.

There's, like, two more hours
of her just lying there.

Aw, you love me
so much.

I married you,
jackass.

I... I know, and not
just out of pity

like everyone said
in their wedding toast.

You want to see the part
where she falls off the chair?

No.
Totally.

That's my wife.

I got to see that again.

Got the laptop.
Hand it here.

Oh, this is
so exciting!

Hey, when we sell the Bitcoin,
are you gonna pay your dad back

all the money you took from him
over the years?

Never even
crossed my mind.

Okay, here's
the Bitcoin folder.

Yeah, how much
is in there?

It's empty.

What?
Th-That's impossible.

Do you think Zack stole it?

No, he doesn't know
how to steal Bitcoin.

I mean, he waves at trucks.

Hmm...
who could it have been?

Sheldon,
what did you do?

I plotted my revenge.

If you get a dish,
I'll serve you some cold.

What, y-you stole
our Bitcoin?

Oh, calm down.

All I did was sneak
onto your computer

and download your Bitcoin
onto a flash drive.

What?

I'm not keeping it.

I just wanted
to watch you sweat.

If you want to watch
him sweat,

walk up a flight
of stairs with him.

I've waited seven long years,
but it finally happened.

Where's our money?

That's the best part.

It's on the Batman flash drive
on your key chain.

You've had it
in your pocket all along.

Sheldon...

I lost that key chain years ago.

Really?

D-D-Did you look under things?

Well, that is unfortunate.

I guess we've all learned
a lesson today.

What was the lesson?

I don't know.

Huh. What's that?

Ooh, Batman flash drive.

Pretty cool.

Huh, if I erase this,

I could probably resell it
for, like, ten bucks.

Things are finally
going my way.