The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 18 - The Gates Excitation - full transcript

But why do they still call
Batman using the Bat-Signal?

Wouldn't it just be, like,
easier to text him?

The Bat-Signal isn't
just to alert Batman,

it's also to strike fear
in the hearts of his enemies

and let them know
he's coming.

Sort of like Sheldon's knock.

Comparing me to Batman?
I'll take it.

If we don't do anything,

how long do you think
they'll talk about Batman?

Well, I've know them
for 11 years, so... 11 years.

I believe they do text him.



The-the Bat-Signal is linked
to his phone via Bluetooth.

Has that been
in the comics?

No, it's just what I believe.

All right, I'm putting
a stop to this.

If you knew how,
why'd you wait 11 years?

Hey, guys, guess what?

Today at work, I found out
I am going to meet Bill Gates.

(excited chatter)

Sorry, Leonard,
you and Penny had a good run.

I'm not leaving him
for Bill Gates.

You sure? I-I bet
his Internet's really fast.

How did this happen?

Well, his foundation
is looking to partner

with a pharmaceutical company to
help develop affordable vaccines



so they asked me
to show him around.

That's great.
When's he coming?

Uh, he gets in on Sunday,
and Monday morning,

I'm gonna give him a tour
of the labs and offices.

Oh. He gets in
on Sunday, April first?

(chuckles)
Nice try, Penny.

What're you
talking about?

April Fools' Day.

This is another one
of your classic pranks

you try to pull on me
every year.

Literally never
pulled a prank on you.

Oh, really?
What about last year,

when you sent me that e-mail
with the photo attached,

but you didn't attach a photo.

That was a mistake.

Messing with me? Yes, it was.

And this year,

I am not falling for it.

Sheldon, I swear...
No... what are you doing?

Oh, you're right. He's
not coming. April fools.

You know
what they say,

fool me "N" times,

where "N" equals the amount of
times you've already fooled me,

shame on you.

Fool me "N" plus one times,
shame on me.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x18 ♪
The Gates Excitation
Original Air Date on

So you're gonna
spend a day

with Bill Gates.
I'm a little jealous.

Well, I'm a little nervous.

You know, if I do a good job,
I'm hoping they'll consider me

for a PR position
that's opening up.

Well, if you're nervous,
I-I know a lot about him.

I can fill you in
or maybe come along, whatever.

I think I'll be okay.

Well, I'm-I'm just saying,
what are you gonna do

when he wants to talk about
high-level language interpreters

for microcomputers?

What are high-level language
interpreters for microcomputers?

A way of programming computers

using words and commands
instead of binary code.

Oh. That's actually kind of
interesting. Tell me more.

Oh, well...

That, I'll do that. Mm-hmm.

- I didn't even see it coming.
- Yeah, well...

You never do.

Well, i-it's just,
he's an idol of mine

and I would love the chance
to hang out with him.

Look, I know you
want to meet him,

but I can't turn this
into a social thing, okay?

This is my job.
I really need it to go well.

I get it, I get it.
You're right.

Actually, I've-I've already
met him once before.

He gave a talk at Princeton
and my mom took me.

Oh, really?
Was he nice?

He's super nice.

I-I got pretty emotional
and started crying and...

He didn't make fun
of me or anything.

Well, you were a kid.

Uh-huh.

Bye, my babies,
I love you.

(high-pitched):
We love you, too, Mommy.

Yeah, don't do that.

AMY:
Bernadette?

Hi. Where you off to?
El parque.

El parque?

I'm learning Spanish so I can
talk to the other nannies.

How's that going?

Bueno.

Good?

Oh...

No bueno.

- Thanks for coming over.
- No problem.

Can I get you anything?

Juice box? 'Naners?

'Naners?

Sorry. Mom brain.

I think I've forgot how
to talk to grown-ups.

I meant Ba-naners.

You know what, I'm good.

Okay.

So, what are we watching?

Bob the Builder.
I'll catch you up.

That one's Bob.

He's a builder.

Isn't this a kids show?

It's what we watch
in this house.

Bob the Builder,
Dinosaur Train,

and Peppa Pig, which is
both funny and meaningful.

You want to take a break and
maybe get something to eat?

Sure.

Why does it not feel like
we're going?

Hang on, I-I just want
to see if Bob can fix it.

(chuckles)
Yes, he can!

Oh, hey.

I folded your laundry
for you. You're welcome.

Uh, that's not mine.

You're saying that these
aren't yours?

No.

So you're saying
that I'm touching

a stranger's underpants?

Yes.

And just like that,
it's the worst day of my life.

- Wait, why are you being so weird?
- (sighs)

It occurred to me that perhaps
you were telling the truth

about Bill Gates and it wasn't
just part of an elaborate prank.

What would the
prank part even be?

I show up to meet Bill Gates
over your "objections,"

but it's not
Bill Gates at all, no.

It's one of those look-alikes
that you hire for a party.

And then when
I go around

showing everybody
the balloon animal

that "Bill Gates" made for me,
I'll look like an idiot.

Have you been eating
laundry detergent?

I just need you
to tell me the truth.

This is driving me crazy.

Sheldon, he is really coming.

Is he?
He is.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, now I don't know
what to believe!

Thanks for getting me
out of the house.

I feel like my brain
is turning to mush.

Happy to help.

Did I show you the video
of the kids sitting?

Yes, you texted it to me
at 3:00 a.m.

Thought someone was either
in jail or dead.

I'm sorry.

No, no, i-it gave me
something to watch

while I tried
to go back to sleep.

You know what? I don't want
to be one of those moms

who can only talk
about her kids.

Okay, well, I'm reading
a pretty good book.

It's the untold story of female
artists during the Renaissance.

Oh, I'm in the middle
of a book, too.

It's three pages long
and floats in the bath.

All right, we can talk
about something else.

It also quacks
when you squeeze it.

You should've seen Michael
laugh. I think I have a video.

Or maybe we can't.

Why is your screen name
"JohnWilliams"?

Uh, because I always score.

Hey, I think I'm gonna head to
the office for a little bit.

On a Sunday?
Yeah.

Want to make sure
I'm prepared for tomorrow.

Do you think you could
get Bill Gates

to sign something for me?

Yeah, maybe, like what?

Oh, my arm, my chest, his call.

His call will be to the police.

Penny, remember when
I introduced you

to 100 calorie Dove bars

and you said you owed me,
like, big-time?

Guys, even if I wanted
to introduce you,

there is no room
in his schedule.

I mean, look.
Look at this itinerary.

I meet him at his hotel
first thing tomorrow morning,

then we're on the go
all day long.

You're right.
Guys, this is her job.

We need to respect that.

Thank you, honey.
Proud of you.

Love you.

(door closes)

I totally just saw
what hotel he's staying at.

What are we waiting
here for?

For Penny to walk
down the stairs,

get in her car, and drive away.

Right, smart.
(clears throat)

Is that long enough?
She's pretty quick, let's go.

What would you do
if you had a billion dollars?

Same as Bill Gates,

try to make the world
a better place,

but I'd do it
in a working Iron Man suit.

I didn't know that came
in a boys' medium.

Th-This is a bad idea.

Maybe we should go.

What are you talking about?
I don't know.

I'm just feeling guilty,

like I'm kind of sneaking around
behind Penny's back.

We're not doing
anything wrong.

We're just hanging out
in a hotel lobby.

Plenty of people
do that:

businessmen,
high-end prostitutes.

That's a fun new game,

CEO or Ho.

No, this is wrong, let's go.

Guys, guys, that's him.

- Be cool.
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Cooler.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Uh, M-Mr. Gates, I'm-I'm
Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.

We've actually met before.

Sorry, I don't remember.

You were so nice, a-and
it was really special to me

because you've been such
a big influence on my life.

I mean, ever since
I was a little kid,

I've looked up to you
like-like a hero.

Oh, now I remember.

Would you like a tissue?

How about a hug?

How-how about a tissue?

Sorry I talked about
my kids the whole time.

Oh, don't worry about it.

I mean, besides you cutting up
my meat for me,

it was a lovely lunch.

God. What's happening?

I'm a smart, educated,
successful...

"Woman"?

I was gonna get it.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Pregnancy and childbirth
actually cause physical changes

to the structure of your brain.

I liked the old structure
of my brain.

But then, I liked a lot
of my old structures.

Well, these are
positive changes.

Studies with rats
show that new mothers

are more sensitive to danger,
better at multitasking

and bolder
in the pursuit of food.

I did stick a couple
lamp chops in my purse.

So that's what I was smelling.

Look, even though your
brain is different,

in many ways, it's better.

But were you bored?

Of course not.

You're lying.

Which you can tell, because
your maternal brain is better

at sensing nonverbal cues.

Now you're just being
condescending.

(laughs softly)
Look at you, two for two.

LEONARD:
Uh, hold the door.

Hold the door!

(keys jangle)

Oh. Hi, Leonard.

Didn't you hear me
yell "hold the door"?

I did. But you know
what they say,

"hold the door,
get robbed some more."

No one says that.

Oh. Well, they should,

because it's true,
and it rhymes.

So where have you been?

Actually, I met Bill Gates.

(sighs)
I see.

You're all in on it.

Uh, nice try.

It's not an April
Fools' joke, Sheldon.

I actually went to a hotel
and met him.

Right, right. Okay, so, uh,

"Bill Gates" was at the "hotel"
that you "went to."

Why is "went to" in quotes?

Fine.

So "Bill Gates" was at
the "hotel"

that you went to.

That's you and Bill Gates.

It is.

Were you crying?

No.

So,

it wasn't a joke, and I actually
could've met him?

Well, he's probably still there.

(gasps)
What hotel?

The La Quinta Inn
in Thousand Oaks,

under the name Hernandez.

Thank you, thank you so much!

April fools.

Hey.

Hey, where you been?

Uh, just hanging out
with the guys.

They still mad at me?

Uh, they were,
but then I was like, "Hey,"

and they were like, "What?"
and I was like, "You know,"

and they were like, "Okay."

You're a good husband.

Well, it's not for me to say,
but you just said it,

so you're probably right.

Well, as it turns out, there is

a little reception
for Mr. Gates tomorrow night.

I asked if I could bring you,
and they said yes.

What?

Yeah, you get to meet
Bill Gates again.

Wait, what do you mean "again"?

'Cause you met him
that one time with your mom.

Yes.

And then again tomorrow,

for a total of two,
and only two times.

Yeah. I wonder
if he'll remember you.

Yeah, I wonder that, too.

BERNADETTE (over baby monitor):
The sun is losing about

six times ten to the 12th grams
per second,

so the fraction of the mass
it loses every year

is about ten
to the negative 13th.

But don't worry.

It'll be millions of years
before we all freeze to death.

Sweet dreams.

Wow.

Hop on Pop took
a dark turn there at the end.

Amy made me realize that new
mothers are cognitively primed

to take in new information,
and I've been wasting it

making up songs
about our babies' toes.

To be fair, I cowrote
"Pinky Toe, Pinky Toe."

Evolution gave me this mom brain
to focus on the baby,

but I figure I can hack it to
learn all kinds of new things.

Well, that's great.

Yeah. There was a problem,
and I fixed it.

Like Bob the Builder
in that giraffe cage.

Spoiler alert.

I didn't see that one yet.

So that's fun.

You get to meet
Bill Gates again.

It's not fun, I'm screwed.

It's fun for us.
(chuckles)

Maybe he won't
remember you.

(sighs)
I snotted on his tie.

Yeah, you did,
like, a lot.

Hello, Leonard.

Thought I'd find you here.

You snake.

What's going on?

He sent me all the way
to Thousand Oaks

to meet Bill Gates

when he knew full well
he wasn't staying there.

Wha-- Leonard,
that's terrible.

Yeah, why would you do that?

You know he's staying at the
DoubleTree in Long Beach.

Aha!

Wait.

How do I know
you're not tricking me?

We probably are.

But what if we're not?

You think you're so smart.

You think I'm going to fall
for it again, don't you?

Well, I won't.

Where you going?

Shut up.

Aw, are you sure you can't come?

I want to,
but I'm just too sick.

Aw.

And you really wanted
to meet him.

I know.

And I've been trying
to hide it so I could go,

but I don't want
to make him sick.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do look
pretty pale and clammy.

Yeah.

Have fun.

Well, feel better, okay?

No, that's just my regular
pale and clammy.

I mean, really, the bigger
danger isn't the loss of mass.

Instead, it will
run out of hydrogen

to use for nuclear fuel,

swell up into a red giant,
and fry the Earth.

So you don't want
to split a salad?

No, thank you.

But speaking
of splitting things,

did you hear about the
light-splitting greenhouse film

that could improve
photosynthetic efficiency?

No.

Just a little something I read

while nursing a human being
that I made.

I'm just gonna get the chicken.

Ah.

N-E-K-C-I-H-C:
chicken backwards.

Boom, mom brain.

And a whole bottle of wine.

Whoa. Oh, oh, oh, oh!
(laughs)

In your face!

(Skype chiming)

(weakly):
Hello?

Aw, hey, sweetie,
how you feeling?

(moans)
Okay. I'm just resting.

Well, I have a surprise
that might make you feel better.

Oh, really?

Yeah, look who's here.

Wait, I know you.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

You were waiting for me
at my hotel.

You ruined my tie.

Wait, what?

What's he talking about?

Uh, he, uh-- obviously,
he's kidding.

That's a,
that's a good one, Bill.

I got to go.

Stupid Leonard,

meeting stupid Bill Gates,

without stupid me.

Aw.

I am so sorry-- Sheldon?

Oh, Leonard,
I can't stay mad at you.

Come here.
(laughs)

Apology accepted.

What's for dinner? I'm starving.

Hola.

How are you ladies doing?

Raise your hands
if you're bueno.

(Letty laughs)

Me llamo Stuart Bloom.