The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 13 - The Solo Oscillation - full transcript

Hey! Look what I got everybody.
Newspapers? Did you find
a portal back to the 1990s?
No. If he had that,
he'd be trying to prevent NSYNC
from breaking up.
Oh, please.
I'm glad they broke up.
Otherwise, Justin would
never have brought sexy back.
One thing you can't get
on an iPad,
(inhales)
the smell of ink and paper.
One more reason
iPads are better.
They reviewed
my planetarium show.
Yeah. It's on page three
of the Arts and Leisure section.
Oh, look, they still
have Far Side.
Oh, I don't
get that one.
Oh, he's pushing
when he should be pulling.
Hmm. I don't think he belongs
in that gifted school, then.
What are you doing?
Making a boat.
When I was a kid,
my dad showed me how.
Boy, you'll do anything
to avoid reading.
Guys, it's under
"Things to do this weekend."
I can't find it.
What does it say?
That it's a thing
to do this weekend.
That's great, Raj.
Congratulations.
You know, while we're bragging,
The Journal
of Prosthetic Medicine
just wrote up the project that
Howard and I are working on.
Well, you didn't
tell me that.
Oh, it just came out.
It's just a little blurb.
Oh, well, good for you.
You know, Bert and I have
started isolating zircons
from meteorites
for our dark matter search.
Oh. Well, how nice.
Everyone's doing
impressive work.
What have you been
working on these days?
Whoa, whoa. Where'd
that come from?
Where did what come from?
(stammers)
I try to be supportive,
and you break out the hot
lights and the rubber hose.
I just asked
what you've been working on.
Oh, my God, let it go.
Do you believe this guy?
I did it!
See? It's a... it's a boat.
It's also a hat.
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago, expansion started-- Wait! ♪
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
♪ Bang! ♪
Okay, how do you want
to play this?
Do you want to pretend like
nothing's bothering you
and blow up later,
or do you just want to be
a maniac right now?
Nothing is bothering me.
Fine. Be that way.
If you want to talk,
I'll be flushing my sinuses.
Wait.
I have a confession.
When I berated Leonard,
it was a clever ruse
to conceal the fact
that I'm not
working on anything.
Well, I think
I speak for everyone
when I say, "No!"
The truth is I have
nothing of interest to pursue.
Well, maybe this is
the perfect opportunity
to take some time
for yourself and refocus.
I'm sure you'll find something
you're excited about.
Thank you, Amy.
I don't know what I'd do
without you.
Hey, can I stay here?
Sheldon kicked me out.
Well, is everything okay?
Yeah. He just wants
some alone time to work.
Fine.
Make yourself at home.
Yeah. We were just about
to watch a little TV.
You're welcome
to join us.
Thanks. I'll be right with you.
I just have to, uh,
do my neti pot.
So what are you guys
gonna watch?
Okay.
Hey, uh, what do you think
we should open our show with?
Uh, "Thor and Doctor Jones"
or "Let's Get Astrophysical"?
I don't know. I think
we should start with something
that gets them up on their feet.
Maybe
"Sherlock Around the Clock."
Great, yeah.
Uh, let's give it a try.
(playing rock music)
BERNADETTE (over monitor):
Halley's napping! Keep it down!
Oh. Right. Sorry.
It's cool.
We don't need volume to rock.
Instead of blowing
the roof off this place,
we can gently lift it off
and set it quietly down
in the backyard.
(whispering):
Okay.
One, two, three, four.
(playing quietly)
(quietly):
♪ Holmes said to Watson ♪
♪ On Baker Street ♪
♪ Come on, Doctor ♪
♪ Time to move them feet ♪
(whispers):
Sing it with us.
♪ Sherlock, Sherlock ♪
♪ Sherlock around the clock ♪
(whispers):
We can't hear you.
♪ Sherlock, Sherlock ♪
♪ Sherlock around the clock ♪
(Halley crying)
BERNADETTE:
Nice going.
Sorry. Sorry. I'll get her.
One sec.
(Halley continues crying)
BERNADETTE:
You bought diapers, right?
Be right back.
(whispers):
Rock and roll!
Okay. Scratch paper, check.
Whiteboard, check.
Chex Mix, check.
And here we go.
(grunts)
(ringtone playing)
Oh, dang it.
Hello, Mother.
Hi there, Shelly.
You will never believe
who I ran into
at the barbecue festival.
I am right in the middle
of some very important work.
I don't have time for this
right now.
Then why did you
answer the phone?
Because you raised me
to be polite.
Now stop bothering me.
Hello again.
Who did you see
at the barbecue festival?
Mr. Watkins.
Really?
You called me and interrupted
my work to tell me
that you ran into somebody
you could plausibly run into?
I'm sorry, Mother,
I really need to focus here.
I will speak to you next week.
Okay, sweetheart.
I'll talk to you then.
(sighs)
I thought Mr. Watkins
moved to Florida.
He did.
He was back visiting his son.
Oh, gosh darn it,
that is interesting.
Was it Tommy or Joe?
I bet it was Joe, 'cause
he and Tommy had a falling out
over that time-share.
You guys do anything
fun after dinner?
Well, actually Amy came
back over and we hung out.
Did you know that we're both
spelling bee champs?
We stayed up for hours
trying to stump each other.
Who won?
Oh, she thought she had me
with "appoggiatura,"
but I shut that down
expeditiously.
E-X-P-E-D-I-T-I-O-U-S-L-Y.
Expeditiously.
Wow. I bet that made Penny
take off all of her clothes.
Put her pajamas on and
then go to bed early.
At, like, 9:00.
Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, are we still on
for band practice this evening?
Oh, shoot.
I promised I would take Halley
over to Bernadette's parents.
Dude, the gig is,
like, next weekend.
I know.
I'm sorry. (sighs)
I really want to do this,
but I just don't think
I have the time.
Okay. I-I guess
I'll have to cancel.
Toby Greenbaum will have to
become a man without us.
Too bad, you guys
kill at bar mitzvahs.
And other events that
people can't leave.
I don't want to be the one
who breaks up the band.
You know, maybe you should...
(chuckles)
think about replacing me.
Okay.
I mean,
I know it'll be hard since we...
Oh, I bet Bert could do it.
He plays guitar.
I'm gonna go ask him.
I guess he forgot that
I play the cello.
I-I don't think he did.
Okay, I think it's ready.
Should we put on
safety goggles?
Well, the funnest fun
is the safest fun, so yes.
Hey.
Hi.
Hello.
Oh, Amy, you're here... again.
Yeah, Sheldon said he needed
another night to work,
so I said I'd give him
some space.
So what's all this?
Well, Amy and I were talking
about old science fair projects,
and how fun it would be
to recreate them.
We're making hot ice.
Mm-hmm. It's pretty cool.
(chuckles)
Nice one.
Yeah.
Turns out we both
did this as our science fair
projects in ninth grade.
Do you remember any of
your high school projects?
Uh, well, I remember
telling Jenny Runyon
that I would teach her
how to flirt with boys
if she put my name
on her project.
I got an "A," she got pregnant.
Girls like you are why I had to
come straight home after school.
Check this out.
PENNY:
Wow, that's amazing.
LEONARD:
Mm-hmm.
The crystallization is
an exothermic process,
so the ice is actually hot.
I won first place for this.
So did I.
I threw Jenny's baby shower.
Oh, hey, in seventh grade,
I built a cobra wave.
You want to do that?
Oh, we can come up with
a wave speed formula,
and see how accurately
we can predict the amplitude.
Wow, I didn't think
anything could top
last night's spelling bee,
but here comes math.
I'm sorry, we-we don't
have to do more experiments.
Let's do something
we can all enjoy.
Hey, uh, you want to watch
that show you like
where people want to buy a house
and then they do?
No, no, you guys do
your experiments.
I'll go pick up dinner.
Are you sure?
Yeah, you're having science fun,
and I don't want to interfere,
or watch you.
Did I actually do it?
I did. I did.
The answer is one in 18 million.
What is?
The odds of you
running into Mr. Watkins.
Oh, Shelly.
I have bad news.
Mr. Watkins passed this morning.
Oh.
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
I know.
What are the odds of that?
Call you back.
LEONARD: Now let's
calculate the amplitude!
AMY:
All right!
Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon?
It's annoying
when you do it.
I brought pizza.
Oh, thank you.
I have been working
pretty hard.
I-I could use a break.
What's that?
Oh, yeah, that is an experiment
to see how many parallelograms
I could draw
while holding my breath.
Is that where you blacked out?
No, actually,
that's where
I blacked out.
And this?
That is a list
of all the different types
of natural disasters.
"Fire-quake"?
I made that one up.
Which I shouldn't have,
because now I'm scared of it.
Hey, I thought you were
working on actual science.
I am.
I'm trying to come up with
a new approach to dark matter,
but people keep
distracting me.
First, my mother kept answering
the phone when I called,
even though she knew I was busy.
And now you show up
with my favorite shape of food--
a circle made of triangles
served in a square box.
Maybe I'll just eat this
in the laundry room.
No, no. Wait.
You don't have to go,
as long as you sit quietly
and don't say anything.
Fine.
(clears throat)
Mmm.
Good.
Mmm.
Are you mocking me?
Hey, you want to hear
one of my geology songs?
So it's about rocks?
Better. It's about a boulder.
Isn't that the same thing?
Far from it.
A boulder has a diameter
greater than 25.6 centimeters.
Is that fact in the song?
No.
Yes.
It's sung from the viewpoint
of the boulder
that chases Indiana Jones.
That's right up our alley.
Let's hear it.
Okay.
(playing rock music)
♪ Alone in my temple
in the middle of Peru ♪
♪ A giant stone ball
with nothing much to do ♪
♪ But if you steal my idol ♪
♪ I will roll right over you ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons of
granite and micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah,
I'm six tons of granite and ♪
BOTH:
♪ Micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons of granite
and, uh, micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons
of granite ♪
♪ And, uh, micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six... ♪
So, I think if we want
to predict the height
of the wave, we need to use
elasticity theory
and model the lattice
as one continuous
flexible piece.
This is fun.
Mm-hmm.
Playing with Popsicle sticks,
exploring ways
to store kinetic energy.
It's like preschool
all over again.
Except now if I eat paste,
it's because I want to,
not because
Craig Schultz is making me.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Is it, "Where was the teacher?"
She was in the bathroom smoking,
that's where.
It wasn't, but I'm glad
to see you've moved on.
I was gonna ask if being married
felt any different.
Oh. Uh... not really.
Sorry. That probably wasn't
the answer you were looking for.
No, actually it is.
I mean, Sheldon and I are in
a really great place right now,
and I just, I don't want
anything to mess that up.
Mm-hmm.
You do remember you're here
because he kicked you
out of your apartment?
Yes.
His work is important to him.
It's one of the
things I find
the sexiest about him.
Well, that and...
Aah!
...his butt.
And then I was
thinking about
inventing a new
dark matter particle
to evade the omega
baryon constraints,
but that just seems
like something
anyone could
come up with.
Mm. Agreed.
(clears throat)
You know
what's blowing my mind?
Somebody thought about
putting cheese in this crust.
I just wish I could find
something that excites me.
You do understand
that crust doesn't normally
come with cheese in it?
Okay, all right, look.
What got you excited about
dark matter in the first place?
Well, I left
string theory,
which I'd been working
on for a long time,
and everyone was talking about
how cool dark matter was,
and I thought, "Well, sure,
I'll give that a whirl."
So it's your rebound science?
What's that?
Well, not the science you spend
the rest of your life with,
but the one you use to make
yourself feel pretty again.
Well, if I'm being honest,
I never forgot about
string theory.
It's remarkable.
It's the closest we've come
to a theory of everything,
something even Einstein
couldn't figure out.
Well, if he couldn't figure
it out, maybe it's just wrong.
But it's so elegant.
I mean, look,
string theory posits
that the fundamental particles
we see in three dimensions
are actually strings embedded
in multidimensional space-time.
Interesting.
So that would mean...
that...
Can't do this by myself, buddy.
(keyboard keys clacking rapidly)
What is happening?
I was trying
not to wake you.
Did it work?
Sorry.
I just realized,
now that I'm not in the band,
I can focus on my own music.
You know? Go solo.
You said you were
taking a break from the band
to help with me and the baby.
Yes, and write
an astronaut musical.
Picture this.
The curtain opens.
There's a lone astronaut
floating
in the inky blackness
of space.
Maybe wires, maybe fog.
I'll let the director
figure that out.
♪ I really don't know when ♪
♪ I'll run out of oxy... gen. ♪
Good news!
I'm back in the band!
So, Bernadette doesn't mind?
It was her idea!
So it's sort of like
a guitar string,
but instead of making
an actual sound,
each vibration is
a different particle.
Precisely. And when
you express it in 11 dimensions,
Einstein's relativity equations
pop out.
Does that sound
like a coincidence?
It does not.
Yup.
That's what I think.
So, so, did we do it?
Did we just solve string theory?
Oh. (laughs)
I appreciate
your enthusiasm,
but this is not
the sort of thing
we can figure
out in a night.
People have been
stuck on this for decades.
Well, decades? Really?
It's-it's a string.
How hard can it be?
It's straight, it's in a loop,
it gets knotted up
with other strings. Uh...
Well, actually
there are no knots
in anything greater
than four dimensions.
Ooh, unless
we get around that by
considering them as sheets.
You know,
topologically speaking,
that has a lot
of interesting possibilities.
See? How long did that take me,
like a minute?
Thought you were
getting us dinner.
Sorry.
I had to stop at Sheldon's
and help him solve
string theory.
What?
Yeah, turns out
the answer's knots.
That's cute,
but you can't have knots
in more than four dimensions.
Mm, you can if
you consider them sheets.
Good night.
What up,
my Hebrews and She-brews?!
We are Footprints
on the Moon.
KOOTHRAPPALI:
Toby, today you are a man,
and you will face
many obstacles in life.
And some of those obstacles
are gonna feel like boulders.
This first song is about
the greatest boulder
in the history of cinema.
One, two, three.
(rock music playing)
♪ Alone in my temple
in the middle of Peru ♪
♪ A giant stone ball
with nothing to do ♪
♪ But if you steal my idol ♪
♪ I will roll right over you ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons
of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons
of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
(shouting):
♪ I'm gonna crush you,
I'm gonna mush you ♪
♪ You took my idol,
I'm homicidal ♪
♪ Gonna roll over you
till your brains come out ♪
♪ And your bones will crunch
and your blood will spout! ♪
I'm not just a rock, baby.
I'm a boulder.
(yelling wildly)
♪ 'Cause I'm six tons
of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons
of granite ♪
♪ And micaceous schist ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm six tons
of granite... ♪