The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 11 - The Celebration Reverberation - full transcript

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

Want to grab some lunch?

You know what? I don't think so.

Let me guess, you're not eating

because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?

No. That, that right there.

That's the reason.
You're always making fun of me.

Those are just jokes.

It's my way of saying
that we're friends,

and it wouldn't hurt you
to drop a few.

15 years of constant ridicule.



II think our relationship
has become toxic.

What are you saying?

I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.

Look, I...

I can see you're upset, but...

I'm gonna need
some ground rules.

While we're apart, can I see
other needy Indian men?

Get out!

Stuart, two questions:

Do you have the new Aquaman,

and do you mind if I use your
back room to smoke some meat?

Well, since it's you asking,

I'm gonna guess
that's not a euphemism.

Why are you smoking meat?



And why are you reading Aquaman?

I am trying to make Amy
a historically accurate.

Little House on the Prairie
dinner for her birthday, and...

I want to be able to say I was
reading it before it was cool.

Wow, well, that's
actually really sweet.

The dinner thing.
The Aquaman thing's dumb.

Isn't Halley's birthday
the same as Amy's?

Yeah, but we're not doing
anything big 'cause she's one,

Bernadette's on bed rest,
and I'm lazy.

Hey, guys.

Hello. Hey.

Howard.

Raj.

Excuse me.

Really? Is this still happening?

I'm willing to make up,
but someone's being a baby.

Ooh! I do love a riddle.
Let me see.

See, my first guess
would be Halley,

but that'd be strange to
accuse her of being a baby

'cause she is a baby. Um...

I suppose it could be Stuart;

His head does have
a certain milky scent.

Although...

Ilt's me, Sheldon.
HeHe's calling me a baby.

No, I don't know. I saw Leonard
put his keys in his mouth today.

You're a grown man; Act like it.

Big talk coming from a guy
holding an Archie comic book.

Hey, werewolf Jughead
is not your dad's Jughead.

Come on, you guys have been
friends forever. Quit fighting.

I have an extra ticket

to the opening of
The Last Jedi tonight.

It was gonna be Howard's,
but you can have it.

You two had a good run.

Who wants to go see
Last Jedi again tonight?

I'm in. Me, too.

It'll be nice to see the parts
I missed while I was blinking.

Hey, guys,
there's a change of plans.

We are having a party
for Halley's birthday after all.

Turns out Bernadette and "anyone
who's not a heartless monster"

thinks that's
the right thing to do.

I don't like kids,
but I do like birthday cake.

Wait, will there be
sugary icing flowers on it?

I don't know.

I'll risk it.

But if I have a tantrum and have
to leave early, you'll know why.

Here you go. Here you go.

See you two there.

Are you kidding me?

You're not gonna invite me
to Halley's birthday?

I'm her godfather;
That means something.

Or... hear me out on this...
it doesn't.

Okay, that's enough.

This fight either has to end
or get way more entertaining.

Don't worry about it 'cause
I'm done putting up with him!

I know you have a lot
on your mind,

but when do you think we'll have
an answer on those cake flowers?

Hey.

Hey. What you reading?

It's your brother's
Christmas letter.

If there's a picture
of his wife and his kids

and his dogs and his horses
all in matching pajamas,

I beg you to burn it.

Aw, the people's pajamas
have little horses on them,

and the horses'
have little people.

It's just his chance to brag
about how great his life is.

Come on, it's nice.

You know that nonprofit
he works with?

They built a hospital in Rwanda.

Look at me.
I built a hospital in Rwanda.

That is a good point.
I hadn't thought of it that way.

- Hello.
- Hey.

So this is for Amy's birthday.
Can I leave it here?

Sure. What is it?

A butter churn.

Aw, that's what I got her.

It's for her surprise
frontier birthday dinner.

I am making

hardtack, boiled salt pork,

and because it's a special day,
a chewable gob of tree sap.

Is that good?

Compared to other foods, no.

Compared to other parts
of a tree?

And then after dinner,
we will have birthday coitus.

Do you think that will also
be historically accurate?

I assume like
the rest of frontier life,

it'll be exhausting and short.

You're exhausting and short.

Hey, Stuart, you're coming
to Halley's party, right?

You bet.

Plus, I live there
and I was invited,

so it's already better
than my tenth birthday party.

Great. Can you
bring a few things?

Sure. What do you need?

Balloons, streamers,

ice, snacks, a bounce house,
face painter,

and a couple kids whose parents
are willing to lie and say

they know me from the Daddy
and Me class I've never been to.

Where do you and Halley
go every week?

The important thing
is we're together,

and if the movie gets
too violent, I cover her eyes.

Don't stress about this party.

She's one; She's not
gonna remember.

The other day I showed her
her toe, and she was shocked.

It's not for the baby;
It's for Bernadette.

She's feeling guilty

about all the stuff she's
missing with Halley.

All right.

Uncle Stuart's got your back.

Ain't no party
like a Stuart party

because Stuart's never
invited to parties.

Did the electricity go out?

I don't know what you mean
by "electricity," ma'am.

I am just a farmer boy living in
a little house on the prairie.

I'm glad you're happy.

I wanted to do something special
for your birthday.

You did, you did! It's perfect!

You do know that my birthday's
tomorrow, right?

This is just step one
of your birthday weekend.

Now, would you care to join me
for an authentic frontier dinner

made entirely from scratch?

I can't believe you
did this. It's amazing!

It's not a big deal.

Just to be clear,
it was a big deal.

I was being modest.
You got that, right?

Loud and clear.

Well, I hope you're hungry.

I'm starving.

Good. Starvation is
authentic to the time period.

If you also have malaria

and a deep distrust
of Native Americans,

we're really cooking
with a woodstove.

Is that butter?

Yes.

But don't blow it all
on one biscuit.

Took me nine hours to make that.

I think I got churner's elbow.

I know we only have coitus
on my birthday,

but I don't know if I can wait
until midnight.

Well, you'll be glad you did.

Everyone knows the best foreplay

is rigid adherence
to a strict schedule.

Hey. What are you doing?

I've decided to write
my own Christmas letter.

So I'm gonna make a list

of all the cool things
we did this year.

Fun. Can I help?

Yes. Can you think of a single
cool thing we did this year?

Well, both of our jobs
are going great.

Sure. I mean, my Air Force
project got taken away,

and you're not crazy about
selling pharmaceuticals.

I'll just write down
"still employed."

We had our second anniversary.

Yeah,

but we did kind of
forget about it,

so maybe just write
"still married."

Great. Okay.

Okay, that's a start.

What else?

You know, maybe this is enough.

Let's look at our pictures;
Thatthat'll jog our memories.

What is that a picture of?

That's a mole on my back.

I wanted to make sure
it wasn't growing.

How'd you get a picture
of your own back?

Sheldon took it.
We're kind of mole buddies.

Hey, that's a cute picture.

Isn't that the day
we almost went to the beach?

Memorial Day?

No, that was the day we almost
went to the mountains.

That's the great thing
about California;

You can almost go
to the mountains

and almost go to the
beach in the same day.

Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry about
not inviting you

to Halley's birthday.
That wasn't cool.

And of course we would
love to have you. Here.

Thank you.

I'd really like to be there.

Great, 'cause it's tomorrow,
and I need you to plan it.

What?

Stuart was gonna help,

but the free clinic had
an open spot for a colonoscopy,

and he jumped on it.

Sososo you're just apologizing
because you need something?

Yes, and I think it's pretty
mature of me to admit it.

Well, that's very insulting.

Right again.
Are you gonna help me or not?

No, I will not help you.

But I will help Halley.

She's my goddaughter,
and I love her.

And I have a lot of party favors

left over from
Cinnamon's birthday, so...

I hope she likes things that
squeak when you chew on them.

ShShe's a human being,
not an animal.

But that actually
would be a hit.

Can I get you anything else?

No, thanks.

I think I'm good.

You sure? There's
still plenty of pork fat.

Although, if we don't eat it,

I suppose we could
turn it into soap.

That might taste better.

I think I'm just gonna go over
here and sit on the couch.

Great.

Then we will move on
to stage two:

The pitching of woo.

Ooh.

Should I read you some bawdy
19th century limericks?

Okay.

Here.

"There once was a priest
from Terre Haute

who purchased a
sheep and a goat..."

Hold on a second.

Is it getting hot in here?

Well, I didn't even get
to the dirty part yet.

No, II'm serious.

Do you think there was
something wrong with that food?

Frontier scallops?
I shouldn't think so.

My stomach's feeling
a little weird.

Yeah. Mine, too.

I'm sure it's just the first
sharp cramps of arousal.

No. ThThis doesn't feel right.

Hey, hey, save that sexy talk
for the bedroom.

You know, if you'll excuse me,

I am just going
to go freshen up.

Sheldon?

I'll be out in a minute.

I don't have a minute!

I can't believe you pulled
this all together overnight.

If I had more time, I could
have gotten the Blue Man Group.

One of them goes
to my dry cleaner.

Who, by the way, hates him.

You really saved the day.

Well, it's not for you.
It's for Halley.

And I'm sure

she'd appreciate it, if she knew
what's going on or who you are.

Morning.

Happy birthday.

Yeah, sure.

Did you sleep at all?

No. You?

I passed out on the toilet once.

I don't know if that counts.

Feel any better?

I feel terrible.

Well...

should we make love now?

How can you even think
about sex?

Hey, I'm a man; I have
annual needs just like anyone.

And besides,

it's our birthday tradition.

You think you can do it

while I lie perfectly still
and you don't touch me?

I can try.

Want to do it again?

Morning.

Morning.

"Kept Fern alive"? Who's Fern?

No, the fern.
The one in the bathroom.

We're really calling
that brown thing alive? Okay.

So, how long have you
been working on this?

Couple hours.

I took a break to try to beat
my high score on Mario Kart.

Well, did you do it?

Do you see it on the board?

Okay, this is silly.

Our lives are great.

I think so, too.

So then why is this
bugging you so much?

I guess it feels like
everyone's moving forward

and we're stuck.

What do you mean?

Well, we've been
married two years.

Should we think
about what's next?

Like buying a house
or having a baby?

Look, I want to do
all those things someday,

but there's a bunch of stuff
I want to do first.

Okay, like what?

I don't know,
stay thin and have money.

No, no, II'm serious.

If there's things we want to do,
let's start doing them.

Okay. Well, we've never been
on a big trip together.

I would love that.

Okay, there's something
for your letter:

"Considered going on a trip."

It's just a day trip,

but we could take the
ferry out to Catalina.

Great, let's do it.

Amy's in the bathroom
and I need to...!

It's like I can hear
the ocean already.

Okay. Thanks for
letting me know.

Hey, what's going on?

Bernadette's sister's kids
are sick and they're not coming.

But they're the whole reason
the cupcakes are vegan!

- How's the party coming?
- Good!

Great! Our friends
should be here any second!

Those are the only
other people you invited?

What about the kids
from the Daddy and Me class?

Grow up.

What?

I left the food out.

You afraid it's gonna go good?

How are you feeling?

My stomach aches,
I got the chills,

my mouth tastes weird,

it hurts to swallow,

and I've got
a little double vision.

Yeah.

I'm feeling better, too.

Well, this party's a disaster.

Don't blame the party!

You know how many favors
I had to call in

with my bounce house guy
to get Wonder Woman?

Is that Wonder Woman?

Technically,
it's a Chinese knockoff called.

Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.

Then I take it back;
It's a great party.

Well, you can sit here
and sulk if you want.

I'm gonna go celebrate
Halley's first birthday.

Which I planned
with no help from you.

What are you doing?

It's a bounce house!
I'm gonna go bounce in it!

You're supposed
to take your shoes off

before you go in there!

You know what?

I'm stressed about
my daughter's birthday party.

I don't need your attitude.

Well, I worked
really hard on this,

and you haven't even
said thank you.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

Thank you for blaming me

for everything
that's wrong in your life!

Thank you for walking out
on our friendship!

You are welcome!

And thank you for mocking me
for all of these years!

Thank you for making it so easy!

Why are you being such a jerk?

Because you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

Well, you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

I can't believe you shoved me!

Well, I can't believe
you shoved me!

But it was kind of fun,
wasn't it?!

It was! Do it again! Gladly!

Okay, now at the same time!

That was awesome!

Yeah, okay, this time,
knees, then feet.

One, two, three.

Again! Again!

Hello.

Hi. You made it.

How you two feeling?

A little better.

Those books should
have been called.

Little Outhouse on the Prairie.

Halley's awake
and ready for her party!

Be right up!

Ooh, I want to see
the birthday girl.

I'd love to see her.

Walk slow it takes a
while to get this bra back on.

You know...

it's still your birthday.

It is.

And...

we are both... feeling better.

We are.

And there's no one
in that bounce house.

No.

Great.

Let's go jump for a bit,

and then find a bedroom
to have coitus in.

.Srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.XII.MMXVII