The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 7 - The Veracity Elasticity - full transcript

Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

And welcome to the first
"on location" episode of

Dr. Sheldon Cooper and
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present:

BOTH: Dr. Sheldon Cooper's
Fun with Flags.

Hit it.

(keyboard intro)

(guitar and keyboard play)
♪ For joy and fun ♪

♪ There's no better manner ♪

♪ Than to fly a pennant ♪

♪ Flag or banner ♪



KOOTHRAPPALI:
♪ What fills my heart ♪

♪ And makes my eyes moist ♪

♪ Sending a flag ♪

♪ Up a pole on a hoist ♪

BOTH:
♪ Fun with flags ♪

♪ Fun with flags ♪

♪ Oh! Say can you see ♪

♪ It's fun with flags ♪

BOTH:
♪ Fun with flags. ♪

As you may notice, just one
of the changes around here

is our new house band.

(plays keyboard solo)

Who haven't learned
their place yet.

We're also coming to you
live from a different apartment.



Dr. Fowler and I began an
experiment in living together

after her apartment
became water damaged.

This is our
friend Penny's place.

You may remember her
from our episode

"Flags: And the People
Who Don't Understand Them."

So, in the spirit
of cohabitation,

the theme of today's episode
is flags of two regions

coming together as one.

Such as the flag of
St. Kitts and Nevis.

So, let's roll up our
"sleevis" and get to know Nevis.

(rimshot)

Well, I-I like that, but
next time check with me.

Did you know that the flag

was designed by a student
named Edrice Lewis...

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but can we watch the news

or something?

It's cute, they're having
fun living together.

Yeah, I wonder what
they're gonna do

when her apartment's ready.

Actually, it's been
ready for weeks.

What do you mean?

Well, they finished
the work early,

but she's been telling Sheldon
they're behind schedule.

So, she's just
been lying to him?

Well, you've lied to Sheldon.

Yeah, but to make him leave,

not to make him stay.

Buda and Pest
united to form Budapest.

And that's why Budapest

is the "Budabest."

Now.

Oh, right.
(rimshot)

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

Thank you for your services,
gentlemen.

Now, I'm hoping

to broaden our audience

with your youthful
rock and roll music.

(chuckling):
Aw,

you think you have
an audience, that's funny.

We don't get paid?
Nothing?

Not even a sandwich?

It's almost dinner time.

You in the mood for anything?

Yeah, we could get Thai food
near your apartment

and then drop in and
check on the progress.

Oh, you don't want do that,
it's a construction zone.

So?

Well, what about your fear of
stray nails and butt cracks?

I am terrified of
stepping on a nail

and falling into a butt crack.

Anyway, how about dinner?

You know, if
you'd like, I could

call your landlord and complain.

Thanks, but you don't have to.

Oh, I don't mind, I'm very good
at complaining.

If it were an Olympic sport,
I'd complain about

what a stupid sport it is
and then I'd take home the gold.

Good stuff.

So, uh, what about dinner?

Is it me

or are you purposely
changing the subject?

No.

And on the subject of subjects,

is your use of the word
"subject" the same or different

as when we speak about
the subject of a king?

I have a feeling
you're still doing it.

But I find that topic
irresistible, so,

now, in ancient Mesopotamia,

the king referred to the people
as his property.

I'm serious,

JPL's actually
developing a robot arm

that could grab an asteroid
before it hits us.

So their plan for saving
the Earth from Armageddon

is hoping a bunch of
scientists can catch a ball?

If we're all gonna die,
why am I eating so much kale?

You're awful quiet,
everything okay?

I'm concerned about Amy.

She's acting a bit odd lately.

Oh. Well, j-just
out of curiosity,

what registers as odd to you?

(laughter)

Her behavior.

No, I have the feeling
that she's hiding something.

I wouldn't worry about it.

She's probably just
distracted by work.

Well, whatever it is,
it's troubling me.

And I can't eat, I can't sleep.

And don't even ask
about the consistency

of my bowel movements.

You heard him, guys,
don't ask.

Why would she keep
something from me, you know?

I shared my body
with that woman.

And my Netflix password.

They recommended
Stella Got Her Groove Back

because of her.

Buddy, buddy, listen,

nothing bad is going on,

she just... she just
didn't want you to know

that the work on her apartment
was finished a couple weeks ago.

I don't understand.

She's enjoying living with you

and she didn't want it
to end early.

So, she's deceiving me

in order to spend
more time with me.

Yes.
Oh.

Well, I feel both
flattered and hurt.

Like when people say I
look like that skeleton

from Nightmare Before Christmas.

Oh my God, that's
who you look like.

Sheldon, this is not a big deal.

It's a little white lie,
everyone does it.

KOOTHRAPPALI:
Not me,

I'm a 100% honest

in all of my
relationships.

And how single
are you right now?

Eating-cake-on-the-toilet
single.

Well, I won't tolerate
deception in my relationship.

I have no choice
but to confront her.

Don't do that,
you've got gold here.

Hang onto it until
you're in trouble

and then...
throw it in her face.

LEONARD:
What?

Why would you tell him that?

That's terrible advice.

So you wouldn't want to
have anything on Penny?

Well, of course not.

So, if I actually
know something right now...

and I do...

...you don't want me
to tell you?

Uh...

Pfft, no.

I'll take that as a "Yes."

She's secretly been moving
your collectibles into storage

a little at a time
and you haven't noticed.

Are you kidding me?

See, I've known
that for weeks,

but, you know, I waited
till the moment

when it would cause him
the most pain.

Superman's gone,
my stormtrooper's gone.

Your Klingon word-of-the-day
calendar's gone.

I'd say "damn it" in Klingon,

but that wasn't until
next month.

It's "khoo-vakh."

Khoo-vakh!

She took my Where's Waldo.

Well, no, no, he's over there.

Oh, yeah, there he is.

So, what's the deal
with your apartment?

Why's it taking so long?

Um, it was a drywall problem.

Oh, no, what happened?

Well, the drywall got wet,
and you do not want wet drywall

because when drywall gets
wet, it's really more...

Wet wall?

Or damp wall, just as bad.
Mm.

So why don't they
just get more drywall?

Well, they went to get some,

but the woman at the wall store

said it was going on sale
and they should wait

because the savings...
Okay, are you done?

Bernadette told me
your apartment's ready.

I was done at wet wall,
but you wouldn't let it go.

But is Sheldon really
believing all this crap?

Well, he started to question it,
but then I fake sneezed on him

and he ran to take a shower.

Please don't say anything,
I feel terrible about this.

Oh, don't worry, I won't.

Thanks.

"The woman at the wall store?"
Let it go!

Are you going to confront Penny?

Eventually, I guess.

Although, I am kind of curious
how long she thinks

she can keep hiding my stuff
without me knowing.

Hmm.

You know, perhaps
instead of confronting them,

we should see how far
they're willing to spin

their tangled webs.

Like that
Spider-Man action figure

that used to be on your desk.

Oh, my God, I'm going blind.

Hi.
Food's here.

Oh.

Excellent.

I'm very hungry.

Yeah, speaking of which,

what's going on
with your apartment?

Oh, uh, they're still
working on it.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

Yeah, we swung by her apartment
on the way to the restaurant,

and they're gonna be fixing it
for a while.

Wait, uh...
you saw her apartment?

I did, still a mess.

Leonard?
Yeah?

W-Why are you
speaking Klingon?

Why are you speaking English?

This is ridiculous.

Penny, do you remember

when I taught you Ubbi Dubbi?

(speaks Ubbi Dubbi)

(speaking Ubbi Dubbi)

Oh, wait, stop that.

You stop that.

(speaks Klingon)

(speaks Klingon)

PENNY: Okay.

That's enough.
You know what?

What is going on?

Fine, I told
Sheldon that

her apartment's
been finished,

but then you just said it's not,

so now I'm all confused.

Penny was just
covering for me.

My place has been
ready for two weeks.

How could you lie to me?

Uh, she's enjoyed
living with you.

It's called being in love.

Mm-hmm, and
what's it called

when you
secretly get rid

of all your
husband's stuff?

Wha... That is not true!

Wh-wh-wh... Bernadette
told Howard, Howard told me.

Plus, I can see
all my stuff is gone!

Oh, so, you believe your friend,
and your friend's wife

and your own eyes over me?

Wow.

You really didn't
think I'd notice

my stuff was missing?

Uh, did you notice
your key chain?

Where's Batman?!

Hey.

Why did you tell Howard

I was hiding
Leonard's things?

One sec.

Why did you tell Leonard

I told you Penny was
hiding his things?!

It just came up

because we-we were talking
about secrets and...

Wait.

(speaks Klingon)

Everybody
stop it with that!

I'm not really a part of this,

so I'm just gonna dig in.

And I'd like to know
why you blabbed

about my apartment.

You're up, blabby.

Amy, I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have said anything.

I guess it's okay.

I'm sorry

that I lied about
my apartment.

It's all right.

And...

And what?

Your wizard robes
are next to go.

Now that everything's
out on the table,

you-you think you two
will keep living together?

Despite recent events,

I do consider our experiment

in cohabitation
to have been positive.

Are you saying you'd like
to live with me?

I'm open to the possibility.

(gasps)

(speaks Ubbi Dubbi)

Whatever.

You know, if he moves
across the hall for good,

Leonard could keep the
stuff you don't like

in Sheldon's old room.

Solves everything.
That's a great idea!

Ooh, maybe I could turn it
into a gaming den.

That would be amazing.

Wait, wait,
hold on, do what?

Excuse me...
that's my room.

But you won't be living here.

But that's my room.

But you won't be living here.
But that's my room.

You guys might want
to start eating.

But you won't be living here.

Sweetie,
once you stop paying rent,

none of this is really yours.

But that's my room.

ALL:
But you won't be living here!

Thank you
for understanding.

Hey, I get it.

Everybody wants to spend
more time with me.

I'm like a man made of sugar
in a world of ants.

Good night.

Mm, night.
(smooches)

If we did continue
living together,

would it be here?

I don't know.

It-It could be.

Of course there's...

there's always
your apartment.

S-Sure, sure, we-we could
live in my apartment.

I hate your apartment.

Sorry, you brought it up?

Well, I suppose we could
find a whole new place.

You know, and, technically,

we don't even have to stay
in Pasadena.

We could, we could move
to Altadena...

or a place that doesn't
even end in "dena."

It's kind of exciting.

I mean... we could do
whatever we want.

But what if we move

and we don't like it?

What if there's a smoker
in the building?

Or pets?

Or there could be mold.

There could be
traffic noise.
(humming "Theme
from Star Trek")

I'm gonna have to learn
a whole new bus route.

(humming "Theme
from Star Trek")

(stops humming)

Are you trying to soothe me

by singing the Star Trek
theme as a lullaby?

Yes.

I'm not a child,
don't do that.

Sorry.

Do you know 2001:
A Space Odyssey?

(humming "Also
sprach Zarathustra")

All right, now
that's soothing.

(continues humming
"Also sprach Zarathustra")

Look, I-I get it,
this is still my room;

we haven't really
made it yours.

Thank you.

Which is why I got you

this Pink Power Ranger.

Put it anywhere you like.

Okay, but you may feel
some discomfort.

I'm kidding,
I want you to feel at home here.

Decorate it any way
that makes you happy.

Do you really mean that?

I really do.

Great, and just so you know,

I'm not getting rid
of all your stuff.

Yeah? What are you keeping?

That candle

and you.

What about my robot poster?

Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

I can make do
with just the candle.

What's going on?

I'm struggling with the thought
of leaving my old bedroom.

Can it be more
of an internal struggle?

I need to see it.

While I'm gone,

don't breathe on my pillow.

How about if I just don't
breathe at all?

That's my girl.

(dance music playing)

What on earth?

What is going on?!

Oh, hey, Sheldon.

We turned your room

into a sex dungeon.

Oh!

No!

What is happening?!

Okay, last question.

The chaps he was wearing...
assless?

Can we just focus on
the decision I'm facing?

We can, but for the record,

all chaps are assless.

Gentlemen, please,

this is a
significant decision.

Now, do Amy and I
continue living together?

Or do I move back in
with Leonard?

Over my assless chaps you will.

This isn't complicated.

Do you love Amy?

Yes.

Do you like living with her?

Yes.

Do you know what
you need to do now?

Apparently,
figure this out on my own

'cause you guys
are no help at all.

Hi.

Hello.

What are you doing?

I'm just contemplating
Buridan's donkey.

I understand.

I'll leave you be.

What, you're familiar
with the reference?

Of course.

Jean Buridan proposed

a philosophical thesis
stating that

a hungry donkey placed
between two equidistant

bales of hay would be
paralyzed by indecision

and would starve to death.

Exactly.

Well, I wouldn't want you
to starve to death, so...

...here's an eggplant.

Thank you.

You know, some people
believe that Buridan

was plagiarizing Aristotle.

Really?

Although,

in Aristotle's example,

he proposed an equally
hungry and thirsty man

caught between food and drink.

Huh.

Yeah, I wonder if that's related

to the 12th century
Persian philosopher,

al-Ghazali

and his story of a man

caught between two dates.

Are you suggesting al-Ghazali
was Aristotelian?

'Cause if anything,
he was anti-Aristotelian.

Al-Ghazali was
anti-Aristotelian?

Boy, you think you know a guy.

Okay.

Open your eyes and
see your new room.

Wow.

I-I know I went
a little overboard.

We can always
dial it back.

No, no, no, no, no,

it's-it's important to me

that you have
the bedroom you want.

Oh, that means so
much. I love you.

I love you, too.

(smooches)

Just hiding some stuff in
your closet, don't tell Penny.