The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 21 - The Separation Agitation - full transcript

All right, we're
about to go live.

Everyone on
their A-game!

Good energy!

Hello.

I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

And welcome to a
special retrospective,

where we will take a
look back at the history

of Fun with Flags on an
episode we're calling...

?Fun with Flags:
Behind the Flags:

A Retrospective.?



? Wondering how
it all began?

? You'll need
a good attention span ?

? For information
and entertainment ?

? That's equally effective ?

? It's fun with flags ?

? Behind the flags ?

? A retrospective ?

? Flags. ?

Mind you, when we say
?behind the flags?"

we don't literally
mean these flags.

That's just where
we have dinner.

Now, I'm sure many of you
are wondering

how Fun with Flags began.

So let's hear from some
people who were there



at the very start.

H-Howard.
Flashback sounds.

Could have played
that on my harp.

Just roll the clip.

So tell us in your own words

about that magical moment
when Fun with Flags was born.

I honestly
don't remember.

Sure you do.

I was telling you both
the story

about how Haiti
and Lichtenstein

discovered they had
the same flag.

It was at
the Summer Olympics of 1936,

and two plucky nations...

Oh, wait. I remember.

Oh, and do you remember
what you said?

Yes. ?Please find
someone who cares?"

And that's exactly what I did.

I found a lot
of someones.

Almost 200.

Many of them on purpose.

And now we're going to turn
it over to you, the viewers,

to call in and share

your favorite
Fun with Flags moments.

And-and don't get discouraged
if the phone lines are jammed.

Just keep trying.

Oh, thank God!

Welcome to Fun with Flags!

Hey, Sheldon.

Hey, Amy. It's Bert.

Hello, Bert.

What is your flag-related
comment or query?

I have a girlfriend.

And what does that
have to do with flags?

Nothing. I just wanted everyone
to know I have a girlfriend.

Bert, you're
tying up the line.

My apologies
to all of you

trying to call in with
legitimate flag comments.

Ooh, ooh. All right.

W-We have our next caller.

Her name's Rebecca.

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

? The Earth began to cool ?

? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

? That all started
with a big bang ?

? Bang! ?

? The Big Bang Theory 10x21 ?
The Separation Agitation
Original Air Dat

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Should we get lunch or
you want to eat at the zoo?

?Oh, Howie, I don't need food

as long as I can
look at my phone?.

I don't like
when you imitate me.

You want to hear my Stuart?

?It's been a
while since I've gone on a date.

You mind if we watch
the monkeys doing it??

I said that to you
in confidence.

This is supposed to be
our family fun day.

What's so important
on your phone?

I'm on the day care's
Web site.

Stop looking at that.
The day care's great.

It's on campus.

My office is
two minutes away.

There's nothing
to worry about.

What if she likes the people
who work there more than us?

She already likes soap bubbles
more than us.

When I go back to work,

we're gonna leave her
with these people.

We don't know anything
about them.

They're highly-trained educators
with background checks.

They're even required to be
current on all vaccinations.

You leave her with me,
and I'm not any of those things.

Where's Howard?

He took the day off.

Oh, let's take advantage
of his absence

and tell the kinds of jokes
only physicists get.

I'll go first.

Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is
pulled over by a police officer.

And the policeman says,

?Did you know you were going
85 miles per hour??

And Heisenberg says,

?Darn it, now I don't know
where I am.?

- So Howard back Monday?
- Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hello.
Hey. Want to join us?

But he's a geologist,
and I have more physics jokes.

Oh, quick! Sit!

So, Sheldon says
you have a new girlfriend.

Yeah, which he rudely
announced on my flag show.

People were so
upset about it

no one else called in
the rest of the night.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

I guess I just love love.

Well, I'm very
happy for you.

Hey, we're all having
dinner tonight.

Why don't the two
of you join us?

Yeah, wh-- Hold on.

We don't know anything
about this woman.

What do you want to know?

Is she a geologist?

No.
Oh, great. See you at 7:00.

How about after this
we go see the exotic bird show?

Not a good idea.

My hair is a coveted
nesting material.

Learning anything?

Well, sloth babies cling
to their mothers' bodies

for almost a year.

I'm going back to work
after only four months,

so I've learned I hate
myself, I hate sloths,

and I hate you for
bringing me here.

Me I get, but that sloth
is pretty cute.

It's not just the sloth.

Polar bears nurse their cubs
for almost eight months.

The orangutan mother builds her
baby a new home every night.

And what do I do? I choose
my career over my child!

Told you we should
have gone to Legoland.

Can't believe Bert has
a girlfriend and I don't.

I thought you were
taking a break from women

to focus on your career.

Oh, grow up.

Don't you have
any friends he can date?

Hey, I already set up
Howard and Bernadette.

It's your turn to ruin
some poor girl's life.

Oh, hey, guys. Come in.

Thanks.

Everyone,

this is Rebecca.
Hi.

Hey.

She's younger and far more
attractive than he is.

They're copying you two.

What are you making?

Chicken.

Birds mess with my hair,
I come back hard.

Finally get Halley down?

Yeah, eventually.

She's still not happy about
taking a bottle, though.

Look, if you're not
ready to go back to work,

we'll figure
something out.

No, I'll be fine.

It might be
good for her.

Howard's mother was around him
all the time,

and he's a world-class
mama's boy.

I mean, wh-why
would you say that?

Go ahead, have a tantrum;
that'll prove me wrong.

It would be nice to raise Halley
to be a little more independent

than you were.

I guess.

It wasn't until college
that I learned

you can put a thermometer
in your mouth.

On that charming note,
dinner is served.

So is this your first time
dating a scientist?

'Cause I'm thinking of starting
a support group.

Actually, I'm not new to this.

I was engaged
to a Scientologist.

Bert, Rebecca.

I'd like to apologize for my
insensitive comment earlier.

Don't worry about it.
It's fine.

See? It was fine.

I didn't need a time-out.

It wasn't a time-out.
Let's get some food.

You made me sit on the stairs
and think about what I did.

Get your food!

So how did you two meet?

Oh, it's such
a cute story.

We met on
a dating Web site.

Is that it?

Oh, sorry. The end.

That's nice.

I haven't had much success
meeting people online.

I didn't either, until
I revamped my profile.

What'd you do,
delete your photo?

Go.
Fine.

And don't you slam that door.

Aw, man.

Did I say something wrong?

No, it's always him.

So, Bert, you were telling us
how you updated your profile?

Right. I wasn't getting any
responses, and then I added,

?Recent $625,000
MacArthur grant winner?,

and five minutes later,

I met my soul mate.

I was wrong.
You can come back in.

So, Rebecca, how did you become
a personal trainer?

I came to Los Angeles
to be an actress,

and things
didn't really work out.

I'd say she's copying you
again, but...

...I'm getting tired
of sitting in the hall.

I'd love a personal trainer.

I haven't seen my abs
since they opened a Shake Shack

on my drive home.

I could give you
some free sessions.

Oh, is that offer
for everybody?

Nice try.

I'm not going.

Where's your bathroom?

Mm, just down there.

She's so perfect, sometimes
I think she isn't real.

And then she goes to
the bathroom, and I know she is.

Aw, that's so weird.

I'm sorry, Bert,

but aren't you worried she's
only with you for your money?

She better be.
On our first date,

I bought her
an 80-inch flat-screen.

Your first date?

Did you even
measure her walls?

You know, on
our first date,

Leonard used a coupon
to buy me a pretzel.

And we lived
happily ever after.

The end.

Well, guess
I'm ready to go.

Have a great first day back.

You have everything
she needs for day care?

Yep, all in the bag.

Good.

Okay, sweetie,

Mommy's gonna go to work now,
so you have fun today.

I told her if day care
is anything like prison,

find the biggest baby
and knock him out.

Bye, cutie.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna be
waiting right here tonight

when you get home.

Stop, you're gonna
make me cry.

Great, now everybody's crying.

At least Halley's not.

That's good.

She's not gonna see us all day,
and she doesn't even care!

Who's ready to laugh?

Okay. So...

Feynman, Einstein
and Schrodinger walk into a bar.

Feynman says,

?It appears
we're inside a joke.?

Einstein replies,
?But only to an observer

who saw us walk in
simultaneously.?

To which
Schrodinger says,

?If someone's looking
in the window, I'm leaving.?

That's
actually funny.

You should send that
to Jimmy Fallon.

Hey.

Oh, hello. Join us.
Hey. Yeah.

Hey, sorry if last night
was awkward.

Actually, it got me thinking

that I shouldn't flaunt my money
to find love.

I might break up with Rebecca.

Wow, that's a big step.

I think it shows
a lot of character.

I'm gonna hold out
and see if I can find

a hot young blonde
who likes me for me.

That's a good one.

Okay, now, Leonard,
you tell a joke.

How's she doing?

She's great. Look.

I see a wall...

floor...

some Asian baby...

There she is.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna try
and get some work done.

Yeah, me, too. Love you.

Love you, too. Bye.

How is she?

What are you doing here?

Can't a guy hang out
at a college he doesn't go to

and stare at a baby
that isn't his?

I get it.

I haven't even made
it to my office yet.

Is it weird if we just stand
here and watch her all day?

Probably.

We should go.

Yeah.

Or we could take her
to the aquarium.

I'll get her,
you grab her bag.

Hang on, Halley,
we're busting you out of there!

What are you looking at?

Comments from our Behind
the Flags retrospective.

Get this, people
are calling it

?the longest one yet?"

Hello? Anybody home?

Is that Bert?

It's Bert.

I think it's Bert.

Hey, what's up?

I broke up with Rebecca.

- Oh.
- Oh.

You know, good for you.

No, I miss her.

I don't know why
I listened to you.

He's not wrong.

It was your crackpot idea
that he deserves love.

You know, you need to start
raising your hand

before you speak.

Yes, starting now.

Bert, you're a good guy;
you deserve a woman

who's interested in
more than just your money.

She was also interested
in walking around my house

in her underwear.

Now the only one
doing that is me.

If you're that upset,
go get her back.

I tried.

She's not answering my calls.

Which really hurts
because I bought her that phone.

I made a huge mistake.

No, you didn't.

Okay? Look, Bert,
when I had money,

I dated lots of girls
who weren't right for me.

And then I gave
up my money,

and now I'm alone and
living with my friends,

and somebody else should
probably talk now.

Look, sweetie,

relationships
aren't about money, okay?

It's about respect
and having things in common

and...

Yes, Sheldon?

You and Leonard
don't have anything in common.

Maybe you should break up.

You called on him.

Guess who's home from day care?

It's Halley.

Unless somebody else put an ?X?

on the bottom
of their kid's foot.

You realize they called
when you took her.

Guess who's
home from the aquarium?

Sorry again
for barging in.

You don't have to go.
You're welcome to hang with us.

Actually, our friendship
group is at capacity.

But if anybody drops out,
you're at the top of the list.

Unless it's Raj,

in which case, we'll probably
get a person of color.

You guys are nice,
but I'm just gonna

buy Rebecca a Jet Ski
and see if that gets her back.

I feel bad for Bert.

So he's using his money
to attract a mate.

Is that any different
than me using my intelligence

to attract Amy?

Or Leonard using his power
of groveling to get Penny?

It's totally different.

Bert's money might run out,

but I can beg
until the end of time.

All that
and he's shorter than me.

Sheldon, what did Amy have
that attracted you?

Oh, so many things.

Her mind, her kindness,

and especially her body.

Really?

Relax.
We're the same blood type.

He knew he could
harvest an organ.

She does look happy.

See? This is
the right thing for her.

Let's all just
go to work.

Anytime.

Let me just say good-bye.

Halley. Look at Mommy.

Over here, honey.

Say good-bye to Mommy!

Look at me!

Look at your mother!

All right, we can go.

Hello.

I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

Based on the
glowing reception

of our recent Behind
the Flags retrospective,

we thought you might like to
see how it all came together.

So welcome
to tonight's episode...

Fun with Flags:

Behind the
Behind the Flags:

A Retrospective Retrospective.

Ooh, we already have
our first call.

Oh.

Hello, you're on
Fun with Flags.

The Jet Ski worked.
I got her back.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man