The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 19 - The Collaboration Fluctuation - full transcript

♪♪

You know,
downward-facing dog

comes from the Sanskrit phrase
Adho Mukha Shvanasana.

Oh, that's beautiful.
What does it mean?

"Downward-facing dog."

Yeah, I guess they
don't have Sanskrit

for "butts up and heads down."

Hey, we wrote the Kama Sutra.

If it involves butts,
there's a word for it.

I thought we were getting
breakfast before work.

Oh, right, sorry.



It's my fault. I asked
Penny to do yoga with me.

If you want, I can get
ready in five minutes.

It's cute that you think that.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, can I ask you a favor?

Would you mind taking
Cinnamon for a walk?

Sure.
You're living here for free.

I guess I owe you.

Bye, Cinnamon.
Be a good girl.

Yeah, bye, sweetie!
Bye!

Yeah, yeah, bye, Leonard.

Okay, and tree pose.

Well, she's done.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪



♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪
*BIG BANG THEORY*
Season 10 Episode 19
"The Collaboration Fluctuation"

Things have been going
really well

with the infinite
resistance gyroscope.

That's great. How so?

Oh, the project is classified.

I can't tell you.

Oh, I suppose I could redact
the classified parts.

All right, um, I came up
with an elegant solution

to the...

I used the...

And then I...

And that did it.

Wow, I wonder
what they're redacting.

Why don't you ask me
what I'm working on?

Oh, very well.
What have you been working on?

And feel free to honk
during the boring parts.

I'm doing some experiments
to show

that the signal
to move a muscle occurs

before you know
you even decided to move it.

W... So you're attempting
to pinpoint

where consciousness resides
in the brain.

Yes, I'm trying to figure out
the nanometer

and the attosecond,
precisely where and when

an event of awareness
takes place.

Well, what do you know?

Here I was, waiting
to be bored with biology,

and instead you tickle
my intellectual fancy.

Which, unlike my body,
is an okay place to tickle.

You know, when I was six,

I wanted to marry the gorilla
from Good Night, Gorilla.

Maybe I was onto something.

Gentlemen,
the most interesting thing

just happened with this spoon.

Unless it was singing
"Be Our Guest," I doubt it.

Yeah, I picked it up
without thinking about it.

Which raises a
neuroscientific question,

when did I decide to pick it up?

The bigger question is, what are
you gonna eat with that spoon?

You didn't get any food.

He does raise
an interesting point.

Amy is studying the time lag
between intent and awareness,

and I realized that applies

to the measurement problem
in quantum mechanics.

Now, I recognize there
will be a time lag

between me saying that and
you Googling what it means,

so I'll wait.

I understand it, Sheldon.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm sorry, I spaced.

Are we still talking
about the spoon?

It's nice to see you
taking an interest

in Amy's work.

Well, don't get me wrong.

Neurobiology's nothing more
than the science

of gray squishy stuff.

But, you know,
when it connects to physics,

gas up the Ford, Martha,
we're going for a drive.

♪♪

So did you confront Jennifer?

I was going to,
but she called in sick.

And guess who else
called in sick.

Paul.
Paul.

Who's Paul?

Oh, you met him at the
office Christmas party.

He's married to Nancy.

Oh, sure.
Wait, Nancy?

I bet Jennifer gets
a promotion out of this,

which is so unfair because I
work twice as hard as she does.

Don't worry,
Jerry won't be fooled

by that type of behavior.

Jerry?

It didn't work for Randy,
it didn't work for Tina,

it sure as hell isn't
gonna work for Jennifer.

Well, I hope not.
I just hate when

people play
those kinds of games.

Tina?

With your sales record,
you have nothing to worry about.

Mm.

I went to your office
Christmas party?

You know, I like harp lessons,

but I'm thinking of switching
to elevator repair lessons.

What are you working on?

I was thinking about
your experiment

on the neuroscience
of decision making,

and I realized,

if we connect it
to the measurement problem

in quantum mechanics,
we have a chance

to disprove the role
of consciousness

in the Copenhagen
Interpretation.

Wait, are you saying if
we combine my experiment

with your calculations,

we can determine
the precise moment in time

when the wave function
collapses?

It could be the most
inspired combination

since I mixed red Icee
into my blue Icee.

It was like drinking
2/7 of the rainbow.

Sheldon, this is
really interesting.

Yeah, and this one won't
stain my teeth purple.

You know, we've never
collaborated

professionally before.

Are you worried it might
affect our relationship?

That is a valid point.

Perhaps we should establish
some ground rules.

Well, that would
make me feel better.

All right, let's
start right now.

Uh, rule number one,
no using sexuality

to get your way.

That's a ridiculous rule.

Is it?

Okay, how is that?

I can actually feel the toxins

being pulled out of my skin.

Well, this is
a moisturizing mask.

Oh, well, then I can
actually feel

the moisture going into my skin.

Hey, I hope you don't mind,
I used a little

of your eye cream last night.

I thought someone looked
brighter and tighter.

I'd still like to know
who Jerry is.

Don't worry about it.
Hey, after this,

how about we all go out
and do something together?

That would be great.
Thank you.

You want to go shopping?

Ooh, yes. Fun.

Or we could do something
we'll all enjoy,

like play a board game.

♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪

♪ I think about you
day and night ♪

♪ It's only right to think
about the one you love ♪

♪ And hold her tight ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪♪

♪ I can't see me
lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life ♪

♪ When you're with me ♪

♪ Baby, the skies will be blue ♪

♪ For all my life. ♪

♪♪

I believe I've
made some progress

- on our ground rules.
- Oh, good.

What are they?
Okay, uh,

number one:
in matters of physics,

I have the final say.

In matters of neuroscience,
you have the final say.

Unless I disagree.

Oh, here.

Number two: when we publish,
my name goes first.

Oh, subsequently, if we win any
awards, I speak first.

I don't want to be talking when
the orchestra plays us off.

Can I see that?

Oh, of course.

I'll get that back.

Like all my underwear,
that notebook says

"Property of Sheldon Cooper."

Sheldon, if we're
gonna have ground rules,

I'll tell you
the first ground rule...

I make the ground rules.

I'd write that down,
but I can't now, can I?

I mean, they didn't
say anything,

but I just kind of
felt like I was being

a weird third wheel.

Huh, so you can tell
what that feels like.

Interesting.

Anyway, I figured I can
hang out with my friends

and have fun, too.

Well, if your idea of fun
is riding in a minivan

to Target for diapers,

things are about to get nuts.

Oh, it's just nice
to be with people

who are happy to have me around.

Isn't that right, Halley?

Well, at least someone had
the courage to say it.

Thank you, you are
a good citizen.

Told you.

Go ahead, throw
my underwear out the window.

Same thing's gonna happen.

Terrific.

Do you want to hear our
new set of ground rules?

Fire away.

Number one:
we're on the same team,

we're not in competition.

That's smart, because
Sheldon: 1, Amy: 0.

Number two: disagreements
can happen politely.

There's no need
to call an idea stupid.

Aw, someone drew a penis in it.

Are you listening?

I'm sorry, go ahead.

Number three.

To avoid getting frustrated,
we take built-in breaks

and reward our successes
with a small treat.

Ooh, that sounds fun.

Now, we're talking about
real treats, right?

Not Bible verses like my
mother used to give me.

Whatever you want.

So, shall we get to work?

Biology and physics
coming together...

This is like the peanut
butter cup of the mind.

Oh, I know what I
want my treat to be!

♪ Imagine me and you, I do ♪

♪ I think about you
day and night ♪

♪ It's only right ♪

♪ To think about
the girl you love ♪

♪ And hold her tight ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪ If I should call you up,
invest a dime ♪

♪ And you say you belong to me ♪

♪ And ease my mind ♪

♪ Imagine how the world
could be, so very fine ♪

♪ So happy together ♪

♪♪

♪ I can't see me ♪

♪ Lovin' nobody but you ♪

♪ For all my life... ♪

♪♪

Wow.
Look at that.

Yes, this is remarkable.

So we're agreed:
it's complete garbage.

By the way,
your name can go first.

I mean, I'm glad
they're getting along,

but it's starting to
make me uncomfortable.

Well, are you worried he's
like another man in her life?

A little, until I saw them
in matching tops, so...

Nice. 174 diapers.

That ought
to get us to Wednesday.

Well, have you talked
to them about it?

Well, what am I
supposed to say...

"Stop having fun without me"?

This one says that
every time I go out.

See? I listen to you.

Look, Raj just
gets along with women.

I-I know, but he was my friend first.

It's like she's stealing him

and they're just
having the best time

doing all their dumb
girly stuff together.

You sure you don't fit in?

You sound like
a catty bitch to me.

I don't know where
we went wrong.

Yeah, the math is so inelegant.

I'm not even sure
it makes sense.

Well, don't give up.
Maybe we can fix it.

Can you stop breathing so loud?

I can hear your nose whistling.

I can hear your face
talking, so we're even.

All right, either blow your nose

or teach it to play
"Camptown Races."

Fine. Fine.
You want me to blow my nose?

Here, I'll blow it.

Better?

No, I can still hear it.

Oh, wait, that's me.
Never mind, it's fine.

You know, you're exhausting.

I knew working together
was a bad idea.

Hold on.

I see what's wrong here.
We did the propagation only to

the occipital lobe, not
to the prefrontal cortex.

That would mean that
this delayed parameter

should be increased
250 milliseconds.

Oh, that is much better.

Yeah, boy, if good ideas
came out of your brain the way

mucus comes out of your nose,
we'd be in good shape.

Now, take a sip,

swirl it around your mouth,

and try to notice the flavors,

the tannins, the textures.

Well?

I probably should have

spit out my gum first.

Yeah. You know,

the last couple of weeks
have been pretty rough,

but, uh, staying
here with you guys

has really helped take
my mind off of it.

Mm. Well, we've
loved having you around.

Right, sweetie?

Leonard?

Yeah, when did he leave?

Yeah, that's rude.

You know, it's nice
to spend time with people

who don't talk about work like
it's some kind of soap opera.

Jennifer still trying
to sleep her way to the top?

Yeah.

You should be happy someone
wants to do the stuff with Penny

you don't want to.

Yeah, I wish I had that
with Howard.

Wait.

What? What do I make you do?

Let's see:
the magic store,

the Doctor Who convention,

the National Belt Buckle
Collector's meet and greet.

It said right there
on the invitation,

"Buckle up for fun."

It's not my fault
you didn't listen.

I'm sure I'm overreacting.

You're entitled
to feel how you feel.

If you don't like it,
you should just talk to her.

I don't want to sound
like a jealous baby.

Oh, then maybe
you shouldn't talk to her.

♪♪

You know, I had a feeling

you were using the wrong
computational model,

but I didn't say anything
'cause you're so sensitive.

Just because
I am easily bothered

by light, heat, sound, smell
and the way birds look at me

does not mean I'm sensitive!

Hey,

I wonder what kind of success
we'd have

if we defined measurement
as the first moment

that an action potential
is seen by the visual cortex.

That is a daring
and insightful solution.

We're finally making progress.

I wish we could do it
without fighting.

What if the fighting is the
reason we're making progress?

I suppose it's conceivable
that the hormones associated

with our fight-or-flight
response

could be sharpening
our cognitive processes.

Well, if that's the case,

then your grandparents mumble
and have bad posture.

How dare you speak that way
about my Grammy...

Hey, wait a second. Wait.

Delta "T" could equal
alpha sub-zero.

It seems we have
a choice to make.

Abandon all ground rules
in the name of science,

or... give up collaborating for
the sake of our relationship.

There's only one clear choice.

Science it is.
No, you bonehead!

Name-calling,
that is perfect.

Now, when I get
to this equation here,

really let me have it.

You know? I-If it helps,
I'm not the sharpest dresser.

♪♪

Anyway, I know it's silly,
but since Raj moved in,

I've been feeling a little left out.

Well, sweetie, that's crazy.

No, no, Penny,
don't dismiss his feelings.

Thank you. I just feel...

Hang on, I'm not saying

that his feelings aren't crazy.

I just don't want him
to think that

this isn't a safe place.

Well, to be truthful...

Well, why wouldn't
this be a safe place? I mean,

he's surrounded by his wife
and one of his best friends.

I don't want to
speak for Leonard.

- Thank you. I...
- But when you're insecure,

no amount of external validation

can ever make you feel safe.

Yeah, you're right. You know,
you're really sensitive

about this kind of stuff.

- I'm a good listener.
- Yeah.

Hey, Olsen twins...

What?

Well, I-I mean, I'm
sitting right here.

You're talking about my feelings

and somehow leaving me
out of the conversation.

I'm sorry.
What did you want to say?

I don't know,
you pretty much covered it.

♪ So happy together. ♪

♪♪

Can you read them back?

"Revised ground rule number one:

We are on the same team,
but it is a competition."

Excellent. Excellent.

And on a related point,
you're going down, punk.

"Revised ground rule number two:

"There are definitely
stupid questions.

"And those who ask them
can be told so

right to their stupid face."

I love that one.

Thanks, babe.

"Number three:

"Fair topics for insult include

"educational pedigree,
scientific field,

intellectual prowess,
and mamas."

Yeah, that list is strong.

Like your mother's urge
to be promiscuous with sailors.

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