The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 18 - The Escape Hatch Identification - full transcript

Aw, man, did you see
this post from Raj?

What? Is it another
video of him and his dog

Lady-and-the-Tramping
some spaghetti?

No. He can't afford
his apartment,

and he's asking if anyone knows
of a cheap place to live.

I want to say "India,"
but it seems mean.

What's so funny?

Raj is looking for
a cheap place to live,

and I wrote "India."

Don't post that;
be supportive.

Maybe you should be supportive
of my hilarious jokes.



Fine, what should we do?

We're smart. I'm sure we
can think of something.

You want to let him
live here?

Oh, we're smarter
than that.

I know our
apartment's small,

but I think we
can make room.

No, Sheldon.

We are not getting
a life-size Spider-Man statue.

We do have Sheldon's old room.

If he really needs
a place to stay,

I guess we should
offer it to him.

You're a good friend.

Am I still a good friend
if I wait and hope

that Howard offers him
a place to live first?



You're an even
better husband.

I know if the roles
were reversed,

he would do it for me.

Where would he stay?

We already have Stuart.

Well, we can make some space
in the garage.

Maybe put a cot out there,

get him a space heater,
maybe a hot plate.

That sounds awful.

Let's hope he thinks so, too.

For the last time,

no Hulk, no Batman,
no life-size statues.

Wow. I'm starting to
think you didn't mean it

when you said you wanted
to spruce up the place.

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

? The Earth began to cool ?

? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

? That all started
with a big bang ?

? Bang! ?

? The Big Bang Theory 10x18 ?
The Escape Hatch Identification
Original

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

Hello.

Hey, uh, so we've been talking,
and if you need a place to stay,

we'd be happy to fix up
the garage for you.

That would be amazing!

I was literally just looking
at my moving boxes,

trying to pick one to live in.

I know it's not ideal,

but you'd have plenty of space
for your furniture,

and there's this cool button

that makes an entire wall
go up and down.

I cannot thank you enough.

It is our pleasure.

Hey, can you hold on one sec?

Hello?

Hey, buddy, you still
looking for a place to live?

Uh... yeah.

Why do you ask?

You know, we have
the extra bedroom,

and if you need it, it's yours.

Oh, my God, that's so generous!

It's the least we can do.

I-I really appreciate it.

Uh, can you hold on one second?

Hey, so, Howard, what's the
bathroom situation gonna be?

Well, there's a sink out there--

that takes care
of half your problems.

But I can use
the downstairs bathroom, right?

Yeah. We barely use it,
so it'll be like it's yours.

Cool, cool, yeah.

Yeah, hold on one second.
Wh...?

Hey, what's it like
sharing a bathroom with Penny?

Is there hair everywhere?

Does she use your loofah?

I don't have a loofah.

Okay, well, if I move in,
you can't use mine.

Hold on a second.

Hey, Howard, uh,
how's the Wi-Fi in the garage?

I don't know.

Why are you asking
all these questions?

Well, to be honest,
Leonard's on the other line,

and he offered me
their spare bedroom.

Great! Go live there.

But you made the garage
sound so fun.

I just didn't want you
to feel bad about it.

Unless Leonard's apartment
also has a raccoon

that chews its way in
on cold nights, go there!

One second.

Okay, I think we're close.

How do you feel about
a mini-fridge in my room?

Hey, pal, you want
to live here or not?

Oh, uh, hi, Penny. Yes, please.

Hey.
Hi.

Uh, Penny, this circular
is addressed to "occupant,"

but with our
apartment switch,

it's unclear whether
it's yours or mine.

What's it for?

Roofing.

Yeah, it's yours.

Okay, thanks.

"Just throw it out."

Speaking of occupants,
I'm given to understand

Raj will be moving
into my old room.

Yeah, for a little while.

What about his dog?

She'll be in her crate;
it's not a big deal.

I suppose that's
acceptable.

Well, Sheldon's getting
a little better with dogs.

He even took a picture
with Pluto at Disneyland.

If real dogs gave me buttons,
I'd like them, too.

Well, I think it's very nice

that you're helping out
our friend.

I think it's nice that you're
taking whatever medication

Amy's clearly giving you.

And what is that
supposed to mean?

Well, it's like
that science thing.

For every action,
you have a gigantic

and annoying reaction.

Just when I thought
you couldn't get any hotter.

Mm-hmm.

If you're implying
that I'd have some problem

with him moving into my room,
you're wrong.

Raj is in a difficult
financial situation,

and I'm glad that he's
making changes to improve it.

Do not adjust the dosage.
You nailed it.

Don't listen to them.

What's weird is
that Penny almost got

a science fact right.

I mean, it's unfair; people just
assume I'm going to be upset

by Raj moving into my old room.

But you are, aren't you?

Oh, I'm outraged.

Talk to me.
Tell me what's going on.

Well, that's been my room
since before I met Leonard,

and now someone else

is going to be living in it.

And that someone else is not me.

And you know how I feel about
people who aren't me.

There are a lot of memories
wrapped up in that room.

For me, too.

The first time you told me
you loved me was in that room.

Wrong.

We were standing outside
my room in the hallway.

And there is the love
of which I speak.

I realize it's irrational,

but with Raj moving in there,
I'm feeling a bit replaced.

Well, this isn't an
easy time for him.

He's losing his
apartment, he's in debt,

he's probably humiliated.

Yes, probably.

But until we know for sure,
how can I feel better?

Can I get anyone
anything at all?

Raj, you don't
have to serve us.

It's the least I can do for
helping me carry my stuff up.

It was really no problem.

Not for you,
Box of Towels.

Anyway, thanks again.

Hey, look at that.

You've got a Raj,
we've got a Stuart.

Maybe we should take them
both to the park

and let them
run around together.

I don't know.
Yours looks like he has worms.

You ready to go?

All set.

What's that?

A housewarming gift for Raj.

Well, a bunch of fake snakes
better not

spring out of it, 'cause that
was a lousy anniversary present.

It's nothing like that.

I just, I thought
about Raj's situation,

and I had a
change of heart.

You know, and
regarding your gift,

you said "surprise me,"
and, boy, did I.

- Hello.
- Hey. - Hi.

Perfect timing.
Food's ready.

Uh, wait-- before we eat,
I have a little

"welcome to the building"
gift for Raj.

Wait, is anything
gonna jump out...

No. I already asked.

Thank you, Sheldon.

It's a...
blank notebook.

Well, I had some of
my best ideas in that room,

and I'm sure you will, too.

He also never
had sex in that room.

That's something else
to look forward to.

This means a lot.

Well, I know this is
a difficult time for you.

Y-You're losing your apartment,
you're in debt,

and you just--
you must be humiliated.

Sheldon...

Oh, good grief.

She is such a stickler
for citing sources.

Those were Amy's words.

Sheldon...

I know, I know!

"Good grief" was originally said
by Charlie Brown, geez.

You're right,
I am humiliated.

Thanks for
pointing it out.

You're such a jerk.

Can you believe this guy?

Yes.

I-I thought that was
gonna break the other way.

Come on, Sheldon.

Maybe we should just
eat at our place.

Fine.

You took my room.

You turned my friends
against me.

I hope you're happy.

What do I have
to be happy about?

My life's a wreck.

How come he can say it
and I can't?

Just keep walking.

Hello, Sheldon.

What a pleasant surprise.

How are you?

Honestly, I've been better.

Do you have time?

Leonard says you're very busy
these days.

Oh, I just say that
because he prattles.

What's going on?

Well, our friend Raj
moved into my old room,

and it's brought up a lot of
negative feelings for me.

Mm. Well, what do you think the
loss of your room represents?

Beverly, you know I
hold you in high esteem.

Can we skip the part where you
pretend not to know the answer,

and get to the part
where you tell me the answer?

Very well, but, uh,
if you don't mind,

I'd still like to pause
for effect.

Now...

You've recently moved in
with Dr. Fowler, yes?

I have.

Clearly, your old room
represents an escape hatch,

and without it,
you're forced to confront

the terrifying reality
of being trapped

in a relationship
with Amy forever.

I hadn't thought about that.

And don't start
thinking about it now!

Hello, Amy.

Your defensiveness may indicate
similar insecurities

about your relationship
with Sheldon.

That's not true!

She said defensively.

This isn't about
me and Sheldon.

This is about Rajesh moving in
with Leonard and Penny.

Interesting.

They've found a need
to take yet another roommate.

Seems they're avoiding
some harsh realities themselves.

I had no idea

all our relationships
were such a disaster.

Boy, you're good.

That is the word
on the street, dear.

Maybe moving in
was a bad idea.

I haven't been here one day,
I'm already causing problems.

You didn't do anything.
It's Sheldon.

"You didn't do anything.
It's Sheldon."

That'd make a nice
needlepoint pillow.

So, relax.
We're happy to have you.

Thank you, but how do I know

you're not saying that
just to be nice?

Do you actually pay
for that haircut?

That'll do it.

Hey, Raj,
I owe you an apology.

Look, could you please
put your dog on a leash?

Sheldon, she's fine.

Well, then at least
hold her still

so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Raj, I let my emotions
get the best of me,

and I unfairly
took it out on you.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

No, I can't take all the credit.

I spoke with Leonard's mother,
and she made me feel better.

I don't know who you talked to,
but that wasn't my mother.

Beverly pointed out that
I'm experiencing insecurities

in my relationship with Amy,

in the same way that Leonard and
Penny are in their relationship.

What are you talking about?
We're fine.

Yes, you're fine
as long as you have a buffer

living with you to distract
from your marital problems.

It used to be me.

Now it's Raj
and his attack Tribble.

Anyway, I'm sorry
for everything.

Oh, and FYI-- if you cry
while they're fighting,

they'll take you to McDonald's.

Hello, Leonard.

Why are you saying
we have marital problems?

We don't have marital problems!

I see. You must be yelling at me
out of wedded bliss.

Look, just because we took
our friend in does not mean

that Penny and I are
afraid to be alone.

Yeah, this is a
special circumstance.

Sheldon mentioned
you tried to get your brother

to live with you, as well.

Yeah, well, a circumstance
can happen twice

and still be special.

Do you agree with that?

Well, now that
you point it out...

Are you kidding me?

We do seem to keep
finding roommates.

Now you're
taking her side?

Dear, I would never come
between you and Leonard.

That's for your parade
of roommates to do.

Howard?

Howard!

It's me!
It's just me!

What are you doing here?!

Well, I texted you,
but you didn't respond.

Leonard and Penny
were arguing...

Not on my watch!

It's fine.
It's just Raj.

You can hit him with
the bat, but it's fine.

And if my heart stops,
just let me go.

I'm sorry, guys.

Sheldon was upset,
Leonard and Penny were fighting.

I just wanted to go someplace
where I wasn't causing problems.

I'll say it again.

India.

Can I just stay in the garage?

Don't do that. We'll make
up the couch for you

and figure out something
in the morning.

Thank you.

Come on,
I'll get you some sheets.

Then we'll see
if I can beat my high score

on the blood pressure machine.

Never should've had all
these kids so close together.

You okay?

I can't sleep.

What's wrong?

Beverly believes

I unconsciously consider
my old room an escape hatch.

Is that bothering you?

Yes. I don't care for
unconscious thoughts.

My brain and I
are best friends.

It should tell
me everything.

I mean, how it relates
to our relationship,

not the bromance
between you and your brain.

What if she's correct?

Doesn't that say something
troubling about us?

I don't know.

I just think
you're the kind of person

who likes a contingency plan.

That is true.

Did you know
I figured out

in which order I would
eat all my friends

in the event of
an apocalypse?

You need to stop hanging out
with your brain so much.

It's not a good influence.

If you're looking
for spare change,

I already cleaned it out.

Well...

Didn't think this is
where my life would be.

Me, either. I'm in a bedroom
and you're on a couch.

I'm actually winning.

You know, we're both
down on our luck.

Maybe you and I should try
to get a place together.

Okay, listen to me.

There is no reason
to leave here.

This is great.
Everyone's nice.

It's comfortable.

If all goes according to plan,
this is my retirement home.

Wouldn't you feel better
about yourself

if you were more independent?

Better than I feel
in their steam shower?

I don't think so.

Penny would be
the entree.

Then Leonard's basically
a cheese course.

And because I love
you, you're dessert.

I want to say "aw,"

but I'm gonna say "ew."

No, you see,
I'm doing this

so I can stop being
spoiled and, you know,

grow as a person.

Good for you.

This sandwich has six dollars
worth of ham in it.

Don't you even feel a little
bad sponging off your friends?

Hey, look,
I went to art college,

I tried to make it
as a graphic artist,

a comic book artist,

and you know what I got
for my efforts?

A visible rib cage.

I'm not kidding.

You could see my heart beating.

Well, no offense, but
I didn't go to art school.

I have a PhD in
astrophysics.

Oh, great, it'll be easier
for you to look up at the stars

without a roof over your head.

Morning.

Did you know
Raj moved out last night?

What? Why?

"Leonard and Penny, I'm sorry
for all the trouble I've caused.

"I went to stay at Howard's.

"P.S., Cinnamon's with me,

"but if you feel like
messing with Sheldon,

tell him she's loose
in the building."

I feel terrible.

Should we go bring him back?

Well, you're
the one worried

having someone live with us
is a sign of problems.

Oh, that was just because
my mother got in my head.

It's like being possessed,
but instead of Satan, it's--

Actually, it's the same thing.

All right, so we'll
ask him to come back.

Well, great.

Don't you want
to get dressed first?

Just one second.

Help! Cinnamon's loose
in the building!

Amy, quick, lock the door!

We're so sorry if we made you
feel uncomfortable.

We really weren't
fighting about you.

I just never want to be
a burden on my friends.

Me, either.
Don't want to be a burden.

Hey, is that the baby?
I'll go check.

You are not a burden,

and we want you to come
back and stay with us.

But I also upset Sheldon,

and he's not gonna want
to come over if I'm there.

More reasons
for you to stay.

Halley's fine.

You know she's at
my parents' house, right?

And she's having
the time of her life.

If you ever want
to change things up,

you're always
welcome here.

Just not in our bedroom,
you dumbass.

I appreciate it, but I think

staying with Leonard and Penny
makes more sense for everyone.

Then it's settled.
And just so you know,

it's only temporary.

I'm not gonna get
too comfortable.

Good.

Nobody needs a mooch living
in their house forever.

Hey, that's no way
to talk about your baby.

You know what?
I'm proud of us.

Yeah, with Penny and
Leonard taking in Raj,

and Stuart living with
Howard and Bernadette,

we're the only couple
of our social group

who doesn't need
to fill the holes

in their relationship
with a third party.

Yup, we're killin' it.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man