The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 5, Episode 25 - His Royal Highness - full transcript
♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was shooting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is
♪ Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
- ELLY: Paw! Granny!
- JETHRO: Uncle Jed!
- Paw!
- Here I am.
Uncle Jed?
- Wait'll you hear.
- I want to tell him.
- I'm gonna.
- You ain't, 'cause I am.
- You ain't! You ain't!
- I am! I am!
Hold on. Jethro, you tell me.
Well... I forgot.
There's a king coming to
stay at the Drysdales' house.
- King Alexander of...
- Now I remember! Let me tell him!
Well, I'm telling him.
- You ain't!
- I am!
- Ain't!
- Hold on, now. Jethro, you tell me.
Well, it's a
foreign-sounding name.
King Alexander of Sabalia.
A real live king, huh?
No wonder they had so many
folks over there fixing and cleaning.
Ms. Drysdale even hired us.
- To do what?
- Stay away.
You take that back to her and...
Now, wait a minute, Uncle Jed.
We can make a lot of
money if you'll just play along.
- What you mean?
- Well, she said she'd double this
if we could keep you and
Granny out of sight, too.
- Good morning, chief!
- Good morning.
Get someone to sit in for you.
I want you to drive
me to the yacht harbor.
I'm meeting Margaret down
there to pick up King Alexander.
How exciting. And
you look so handsome.
- What is that medallion you're wearing?
- Oh, that's Margaret's idea.
She thought when I met the king
I should be wearing a decoration.
It's very impressive.
Where did she get it?
From my den. It's an ashtray.
Watch it, Ms. Hathaway.
I'm up to here with
this nobility business.
And I haven't even
met the royal jerk yet.
Chief, what about Elly May?
Your wife says King Alexander is one
of the world's most eligible bachelors.
Wordly, handsome,
witty, charming...
Look, those things don't count
when we're talking about a lifetime
companion for my sweet little Elly.
Well, naturally he'd need
other important qualities
- to make him a good husband.
- Right, and he doesn't have them.
- No?
- Not a nickel.
That's not what I meant.
But why do you say that?
Because I checked every
financial rating book here
and he isn't even listed.
Well, he probably has a
secret Swiss bank account.
Alexander is the last of
the big time monarchs.
Always at one resort or another
- or on a yacht somewhere.
- Really?
Yes, I've read that
he's worth billions.
Billions?
Well, well, maybe he's a
man of good character after all.
- Good character or good credit?
- There's a difference?
Oh, Ms. Hathaway, what
if the king and Elly May
were to fall in love
and there was a merger.
- I believe you mean "marriage."
- Yes.
We've got to introduce
them right away.
But, chief, it would
take time to teach Elly
enough protocol
even to meet the king.
Sir Milburn Drysdale, banker
to Their Royal Majesties.
Oh, with the king's billions and
the Clampetts' millions in my bank,
I can wheel and deal
with the big money boys.
The Rockefellers, Baron
Rothschild, Bing Crosby.
Mr. Drysdale?
- Hello, Mr. Clampett.
- Howdy. Ms. Jane.
I'm sorry to bother you, but it's about
that king that's coming to visit you.
Not me, you.
- Chief!
- Me?
And your family.
I told him all about the Clampetts
and he wants to meet you right away.
- Chief!
- Well, doggie. Think of that.
A bunch of old sorghum lappers like
us rubbing elbows with a real live king.
Oh, chief.
Something wrong, Ms. Jane?
Oh, she's just a little upset
because we had planned
to surprise you with him.
Oh, I reckon that
explains the money.
- Money?
- Yeah.
Your missus wanted
to pay the young 'uns
to stay away from your
house whilst the king was there.
I reckon she didn't want 'em
to find out about the surprise.
[LAUGHING] Of course.
And big mouth
Milburn put his foot in it.
Both feet, and it's too
late to pull them out.
Well, we'll have to be
leaving to pick up the king.
Now, you go home and I'll have
His Highness there in about an hour.
And have Elly in
her nicest dress.
Oh, we'll be ready. I see
you're all slicked up to meet him.
- [CHUCKLES] Yes.
- Yes, mighty handsome.
Thank you.
I don't know when I've
seen a prettier ashtray.
Oh, uh, don't let His Highness
put on the feed bag before
he comes to the house.
Granny has always
said that her hog jowls
is fit for a king, and
now she can prove it.
No more.
MAN [ON INTERCOM]: Telephone
call for His Royal Highness,
King Alexander of Sabalia.
Put the call in here.
It's for you, Alex.
Yes?
Thank you.
My new hosts, Mr. and
Mrs. Drysdale just drove in.
Alex, why don't you stop being
an international freeloader?
If you settle down and apply yourself
you could be a first class bus-boy.
I am a king, not a steward.
I was supposed to be
a guest on your yacht.
For the first two years,
you were a guest.
From then on, you
pay for your passage.
I offered to pay.
I have billions in my
Swiss bank account.
[CHUCKLES] You have
billions of Sabalian Glotnys.
The currency of my country.
Why, this paper napkin is
worth more than a glotny.
Wait a minute.
It is a glotny!
I ran short of napkins.
Oh, the... the
Drysdales are just here.
Please go, huh?
Oh, excuse me, uh...
can I borrow your coat?
- All right.
- Ah, thank you.
I shall remember your kindness
when my people return
me to the throne of Sabalia.
Oh, stop dreaming, Alex.
You're down to sponging off
bourgois Beverly Hills bankers.
Yes, but they will know
bourgois Beverly Hills heiresses.
I will marry one,
and then, presto,
the glotny will again
be worth something.
Well, they're worth something
already. They make fabulous napkins.
[GASPS] Your Majesty!
Mr. and Mrs. Drysdale.
You may rise.
[WHISPERS] Milburn, help me!
We are very honored to have you
stay with us at our home,
Your Money... Majesty.
Yes, Your Grace, we feel a
great kinship to the aristocracy.
I have very pure blood lines,
and of course, Milburn
is no stranger to nobility.
Oh, thank you.
That's very thoughtful.
Well, with your permission, we will
proceed home now, Your Highness.
Of course.
[FABRIC RIPS]
Milburn, help me.
Oh, I popped a seam!
Ms. Hathaway will
have to drive me home.
You bring His Highness
in the limousine.
Of course, my dear.
Excuse me, Your Highness,
speaking man to king,
I've heard you're worth
billions. Is that true?
- Quite true.
- Really?
Well, I know a
family you must meet.
Mm, if you like.
Oh. Shall we?
His Highness will be
here any minute now.
Where's the young
'uns? You ready for him?
Don't go getting excited. What
do you mean, am I ready for him?
Well, I mean like
special victuals and such.
It ain't every day we get to
swap howdies with a king.
His Highness is gonna get
my ordinary company victuals,
just like anybody else.
Being a king don't make him
no different than you or me.
All right, Granny.
You ain't gonna catch
me carrying on about him.
He's just folks, as
far as I'm concerned.
I ain't gonna get excited or
flustered or discombobulated.
All right, Granny, but I
don't think you'd be making
too much fuss over him if
you was to put on some shoes.
- Aaaahh!
- Take it easy.
I am! I just don't know
what happened to 'em.
I had 'em on just before I
put my corn pone in the oven.
Granny, there's your corn pone.
Oh!
Thought you said you wasn't
excited about the king coming.
- I ain't.
- All right, you ain't.
Now, come on, so we can
be out front when he comes.
All right. Don't get excited.
Just wait'll I put on my hat.
I'll take you to my home
in a moment, Your Majesty,
but first you must
meet the Clampetts.
Nice little place. Is
there a Ms. Clampett?
Yes. And I think you'll
find her most unique.
Not what you'd expect from a
daughter of a multi-millionaire.
Multi?
Is that in dollars,
drachmas, rupees... what?
Dollars.
Oh, they're just one of my
smaller accounts at the bank.
Seventy million or so.
- Seventy million?
- Mm-hm.
Of course that's nothing
compared to your assets.
- Fortunately.
- I beg your pardon?
Fortunately I have
learned the common touch.
I am looking forward to
meeting Ms. Clampett.
Oh, her name is Elly.
Just pretend he's
company from home.
It ain't the same.
Jethro says that kings wear gold
crowns and fur-trimmed capes and...
Come in. Come in.
Come in, Your Highness.
I, uh, I seem to have
lost my money clip.
You see, he ain't nothing
to get all boggled over.
You can say that again.
I'll look outside.
May I present His Most
Royal August Highness,
King Alexander of Sabalia.
Howdy, I'm Jed Clampett.
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Clampett...
Oh, no, we ain't married.
Oh, then you must be the beautiful
lady I've heard so much about.
Ms. Clampett... Elly.
What an exquisite
creature you are.
Silver-haired beauty.
Elly.
[WHISPERING] Granny,
he thinks you're Elly.
- Say something.
- In good time, Jed.
Granny.
All right.
[WHISPERING] I ain't Elly.
I ain't Elly.
This here's Granny,
yonder's Elly May.
Beauty begets beauty.
The sun has given
her light to the moon.
This here's the
King of Sabalia, Elly.
Well, howdy, King.
Excuse me.
Call me Bobo...
all my friends do.
Okay, King Bobo.
Where is he? Where's the king?
Where is His Highness?
What'd you do with him?
That's my nephew, Jethro.
He got that outfit from my
movie studio, special for you.
He looks positively ludicrous.
Well, thank you.
He'll be pleased.
I couldn't find your money clip.
- But he did.
- I missed him.
He's gone, and all that's
left is his royal napkin holder.
You big dope, this
here's His Highness.
Him?
Gee, you sure don't look like the
king in my Big Blue Book of Fairy Tales.
Anyway, my liege.
Let's all go in the parlor
and get acquainted.
- Hello, Ms. Hathaway.
- Chief, where have you been?
Your wife has been phoning every
five minutes since I took her home.
She thinks you've
kidnapped King Alexander.
For once she's right.
And he couldn't have cared less
about protocol when he saw Elly May.
- I hope there's no language problem.
- What do you mean?
Those two can speak in
the universal language.
You mean love?
- Money.
- Money.
- MRS. DRYSDALE: Milburn.
- Quick, lock the door.
Hello, Uncle Milby.
Doreen, what are
you doing in town?
The question to be answered is,
what have you done with His Highness?
I asked first. What
is she doing here?
She's my niece, and
I asked her to fly here
and be King Alexander's
companion during his visit.
Companion? What
about getting married?
You are already married.
No, she and Leonard are no more.
Poor little thing, she rushed
into it before she was ready.
But I'm not bitter.
Maybe my next
husband will be Mr. Right.
Seven's my lucky number.
Leonard was number seven, dear.
Now, what have you
done with Alexander?
I think he's visiting friends.
I don't know what
you're up to, Milburn,
probably something
to do with his money,
but Doreen is not going
to let you out of her sight
until she meets the king.
Right, Auntie Meg. I've
never married royalty before.
Unless you count
the Pancake King.
You stay right here, dear.
I'm going to see if His
Highness is in the basement.
Doreen, why don't you
fix your makeup in there.
You want to look your best
when you meet the king.
Oh, I sure do. How's
this for openers?
You always were
a shy, little thing.
What am I gonna do?
She'll wreck everything.
Howdy, Mr. Drysdale, Ms. Jane.
- We done invited to King Alexander...
- Shh!
We done invited King Alexander
to stay with us for a while.
I got to get you to tell me
where to pick up his suitcases.
Wonderful. Thank you...
Oh, I know who you are.
- You do?
- I've been looking for you.
You have?
Chief, she thinks he's King...
My name's Doreen.
Can I be one of your
friends and call you Bobo?
Shucks, you can call me
"gatorface" if you want to.
[CHUCKLES] Bobo's okay.
Why don't we get out
of here and go for a ride?
All right. I see
your dressed for it.
You bet.
Let's go!
Ain't nothing that turns a girl's
head like a uniform. [LAUGHS]
Jed, where's His Highness?
I'm already to serve him
and Elly a courting dinner.
I'm having groundhog goulash...
Granny, try and hold
up on the victuals a mite.
He just went down to the
cement pond to talk to Elly,
and I never seen
anybody in such a dither.
Well, after all, he's the
first king Elly ever met.
Well, it ain't her that's
in a dither, it's him.
- Let me look.
- Hold on, now.
- I don't want to go spying on 'em.
- Then you wait here. I will.
- Tend your victuals.
- Oh, all right, Jed.
It's just that I'm so
dad-blamed excited.
I know what you mean.
Thinking about Elly
getting married to a king.
I can't. It's enough to think
of Elly getting married at all.
I got to admit, it looks
pretty good, though,
him accepting our
invite to stay over
and sending Jethro
out for his bags, and all.
And we know he
ain't no fortune hunter.
Mr. Drysdale says
he's a billionaire.
[CACKLES] I
think I'll just slip out
and give Elly some
advice on romance.
Granny, love will find a way...
it don't need you riding point.
Ah, Elly May, look
at these hands.
These little hands.
They is kinda small for a man.
Elly, you are driving me mad.
- I am?
- Believe me, you are.
My sweet.
My angel.
Ah, Elly May.
Hey, why... why are you
always kissing hands?
Ain't you never heared
of kissing on the lips?
Elly.
Sorry, I hope I didn't hurt you.
Why did you do that?
Well, 'cause Granny said
to when it's the first date
and it ain't a good night kiss.
Then it was not your idea?
Heck, no. I like kissing.
But I dassn't disobey Granny.
Then your hand will do nicely.
Would you mind switching.
This one's getting
awfully chapped.
Well, here we are.
This is the Drysdale place.
I thought you owned all
sorts of fabulous sports cars.
No, just this one.
Well, thanks for the ride.
Yeah, now, I'll pick you up
right here for our date tonight.
But I thought you
were staying here, too.
Oh, heck no. I
already live next door.
- Well, that's a break.
- Beg your pardon?
What are we going
to be doing tonight?
Oh, I got some real big plans.
We's gonna go frog-hunting.
Frog-hunting?
But... you're the king.
Yeah, I am pretty good at it.
You sure aren't what I expected.
This truck and
frog-hunting tonight.
And as for your famous
wit... I've only seen half of it.
Thank you. I ain't
warmed up yet.
Well, until tonight.
Yeah. And wear some old shoes.
Thank you.
I never seen the like, Jed.
Best courting dinner I ever served
up, and that king never touched a bite.
How can any man pass
up groundhog goulash,
baked buzzard eggs
and minced crawdads?
Maybe he just
don't like rich food.
I'm beginning to
wonder about him.
How can you trust a fella that
don't like fricassee of barn owl?
I wouldn't fault
the king, Granny.
The way he tells it, all
Sabalians has tetchy stomachs.
What you mean?
Well, he says nobody in
his country eats very good.
They's all suffering from
something called, um...
inflated glotny.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
I heard you were staying, so I
dropped by with your luggage.
I'm sorry there
is so much of it.
[CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTS]
I'm carrying several
suitcases full of currency.
Really?
Of course, with
your kind of money,
I suppose a suitcase full here
or there doesn't amount to much.
With my kind of money,
you are absolutely right.
So, if you're staying here,
why don't you let me
keep it for you at my bank?
Very well, why don't you
open an account for me...
with... with the money
in these two, huh?
Wonderful. And do
you want me to contact
your Swiss bank for the balance?
Well, perhaps after
Elly and I are married.
- You're getting married?
- I am mad about her.
Unfortunately her enthusiasm
for the idea does not equal mine.
Well, just how much
enthusiasm does she have?
Roughly speaking, none.
But she can't refuse you,
you're the King of Sabalia.
I know.
But to use her exact
words, she said, uh...
"That don't cut no
mustard with me."
Pardon me, Your
Highness, maybe it's because
- you're not acting enough like a king.
- What?
I mean, don't you have a
uniform you can impress her with?
A crown, or a cape,
or something like that?
Of course, but do you think
that will make much difference?
Oh, howdy, my
liege. Mr. Drysdale.
Somebody left these
suitcases on the front porch.
They belong to His
Highness. Thank you, Jethro.
Thank you. That niece of
yours sure took a shine to me.
I don't know what done it.
Either my uniform or my
personal poise and magnetism.
Maybe it would help to
wear my cape and crown.
Here we are, Ms. Hathaway,
King Alexander's first deposit.
In cash?
There must be a
$100,000 in each of these.
And he's got three billion more.
[CHUCKLES] Wait a
minute. What's this stuff?
It's Sabalian currency.
King Alexander's a
billionaire all right, in glotnys.
Well, they must be
convertible to dollars.
- Look it up in the exchange rates.
- I am. Let... let's see.
Francs, guilders, glotnys... yes,
they're worth four to the dollar.
Well, that's still almost
one billion dollars.
Chief, the rate is four
tons of glotnys to the dollar.
Wait, there's a footnote.
This rate is good only
during world paper shortages.
The rest of the time
they're absolutely worthless.
Chief.
[SOBBING]
Oh, don't take it so hard.
You're not out anything.
I may be out the Clampetts.
That royal thief is up there right
now sweeping Elly off her feet.
And I told him how.
Pass the glotnys.
Maybe we're not too late.
KING ALEXANDER:
Elly May, I am a king.
I offer you a life
of complete luxury.
Never again will
you wear blue jeans.
You will always be at
the height of fashion.
Only the nobility
will speak to you.
They will call you
"Your Majesty."
- King...
- Silence.
Servants will wait
on you hand and foot.
You will drink vintage
wine and eat gourmet food.
You'll do no work. You'll
sleep 'til noon every day.
You will lack for nothing.
Now say you'll accept.
I'm, sorry, King, but
it sounds just awful.
You are refusing me?
Yes, Your Majesty.
- But I ain't!
- What?
I was listening to the whole
thing. And boy, that's the life for me.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi, Doreen.
There's the king. He's the
one that took me for the ride.
He took you for a ride,
all right. That's Jethro.
There's the real king.
Your Majesty.
Doreen, I got to
break our date tonight.
I'm going to Sabalia
to live a life of luxury.
[MOUTHING] Help me.
Mrs. Drysdale... Madame.
I'm afraid I must say goodbye.
The yacht I came in
is sailing in two hours.
Hot dog. I'll get packed.
But you can't leave. You
haven't gotten to know Doreen yet.
Oh, forget it, Aunt Meg. I
am going back to Boston.
Jethro was bad enough,
but this one looks like
something out of the Big
Blue Book of Fairy Tales.
Doreen! Forgive
her Your Majesty.
She's really lovely. And single.
Is she by any chance rich?
Well, she's gotten seven
divorce settlements.
Wait,mademoiselle! Wait!
I will make you my queen!
Well, this is the last of the
courting dinner leftovers.
Elly, I hope you
don't feel too bad
about the king leaving
and chasing back to Boston.
Oh, heck, no. I
never did love him.
And when he put on that
crown and got so uppity,
well, I didn't even like him.
Leastways, he said we
could have his suitcases.
I can hardly wait
to see what's in 'em.
I already looked, and every one was
filled with nothing but paper napkins.
But they're nice ones.
Well, tuck 'em in and let's eat.
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.
story 'bout a man named Jed
♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed
♪ And then one day he
was shooting at some food
♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude
♪ Oil, that is
♪ Black gold Texas tea
♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire
♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"
♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"
♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly
♪ Hills, that is
♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪
The Beverly Hillbillies.
- ELLY: Paw! Granny!
- JETHRO: Uncle Jed!
- Paw!
- Here I am.
Uncle Jed?
- Wait'll you hear.
- I want to tell him.
- I'm gonna.
- You ain't, 'cause I am.
- You ain't! You ain't!
- I am! I am!
Hold on. Jethro, you tell me.
Well... I forgot.
There's a king coming to
stay at the Drysdales' house.
- King Alexander of...
- Now I remember! Let me tell him!
Well, I'm telling him.
- You ain't!
- I am!
- Ain't!
- Hold on, now. Jethro, you tell me.
Well, it's a
foreign-sounding name.
King Alexander of Sabalia.
A real live king, huh?
No wonder they had so many
folks over there fixing and cleaning.
Ms. Drysdale even hired us.
- To do what?
- Stay away.
You take that back to her and...
Now, wait a minute, Uncle Jed.
We can make a lot of
money if you'll just play along.
- What you mean?
- Well, she said she'd double this
if we could keep you and
Granny out of sight, too.
- Good morning, chief!
- Good morning.
Get someone to sit in for you.
I want you to drive
me to the yacht harbor.
I'm meeting Margaret down
there to pick up King Alexander.
How exciting. And
you look so handsome.
- What is that medallion you're wearing?
- Oh, that's Margaret's idea.
She thought when I met the king
I should be wearing a decoration.
It's very impressive.
Where did she get it?
From my den. It's an ashtray.
Watch it, Ms. Hathaway.
I'm up to here with
this nobility business.
And I haven't even
met the royal jerk yet.
Chief, what about Elly May?
Your wife says King Alexander is one
of the world's most eligible bachelors.
Wordly, handsome,
witty, charming...
Look, those things don't count
when we're talking about a lifetime
companion for my sweet little Elly.
Well, naturally he'd need
other important qualities
- to make him a good husband.
- Right, and he doesn't have them.
- No?
- Not a nickel.
That's not what I meant.
But why do you say that?
Because I checked every
financial rating book here
and he isn't even listed.
Well, he probably has a
secret Swiss bank account.
Alexander is the last of
the big time monarchs.
Always at one resort or another
- or on a yacht somewhere.
- Really?
Yes, I've read that
he's worth billions.
Billions?
Well, well, maybe he's a
man of good character after all.
- Good character or good credit?
- There's a difference?
Oh, Ms. Hathaway, what
if the king and Elly May
were to fall in love
and there was a merger.
- I believe you mean "marriage."
- Yes.
We've got to introduce
them right away.
But, chief, it would
take time to teach Elly
enough protocol
even to meet the king.
Sir Milburn Drysdale, banker
to Their Royal Majesties.
Oh, with the king's billions and
the Clampetts' millions in my bank,
I can wheel and deal
with the big money boys.
The Rockefellers, Baron
Rothschild, Bing Crosby.
Mr. Drysdale?
- Hello, Mr. Clampett.
- Howdy. Ms. Jane.
I'm sorry to bother you, but it's about
that king that's coming to visit you.
Not me, you.
- Chief!
- Me?
And your family.
I told him all about the Clampetts
and he wants to meet you right away.
- Chief!
- Well, doggie. Think of that.
A bunch of old sorghum lappers like
us rubbing elbows with a real live king.
Oh, chief.
Something wrong, Ms. Jane?
Oh, she's just a little upset
because we had planned
to surprise you with him.
Oh, I reckon that
explains the money.
- Money?
- Yeah.
Your missus wanted
to pay the young 'uns
to stay away from your
house whilst the king was there.
I reckon she didn't want 'em
to find out about the surprise.
[LAUGHING] Of course.
And big mouth
Milburn put his foot in it.
Both feet, and it's too
late to pull them out.
Well, we'll have to be
leaving to pick up the king.
Now, you go home and I'll have
His Highness there in about an hour.
And have Elly in
her nicest dress.
Oh, we'll be ready. I see
you're all slicked up to meet him.
- [CHUCKLES] Yes.
- Yes, mighty handsome.
Thank you.
I don't know when I've
seen a prettier ashtray.
Oh, uh, don't let His Highness
put on the feed bag before
he comes to the house.
Granny has always
said that her hog jowls
is fit for a king, and
now she can prove it.
No more.
MAN [ON INTERCOM]: Telephone
call for His Royal Highness,
King Alexander of Sabalia.
Put the call in here.
It's for you, Alex.
Yes?
Thank you.
My new hosts, Mr. and
Mrs. Drysdale just drove in.
Alex, why don't you stop being
an international freeloader?
If you settle down and apply yourself
you could be a first class bus-boy.
I am a king, not a steward.
I was supposed to be
a guest on your yacht.
For the first two years,
you were a guest.
From then on, you
pay for your passage.
I offered to pay.
I have billions in my
Swiss bank account.
[CHUCKLES] You have
billions of Sabalian Glotnys.
The currency of my country.
Why, this paper napkin is
worth more than a glotny.
Wait a minute.
It is a glotny!
I ran short of napkins.
Oh, the... the
Drysdales are just here.
Please go, huh?
Oh, excuse me, uh...
can I borrow your coat?
- All right.
- Ah, thank you.
I shall remember your kindness
when my people return
me to the throne of Sabalia.
Oh, stop dreaming, Alex.
You're down to sponging off
bourgois Beverly Hills bankers.
Yes, but they will know
bourgois Beverly Hills heiresses.
I will marry one,
and then, presto,
the glotny will again
be worth something.
Well, they're worth something
already. They make fabulous napkins.
[GASPS] Your Majesty!
Mr. and Mrs. Drysdale.
You may rise.
[WHISPERS] Milburn, help me!
We are very honored to have you
stay with us at our home,
Your Money... Majesty.
Yes, Your Grace, we feel a
great kinship to the aristocracy.
I have very pure blood lines,
and of course, Milburn
is no stranger to nobility.
Oh, thank you.
That's very thoughtful.
Well, with your permission, we will
proceed home now, Your Highness.
Of course.
[FABRIC RIPS]
Milburn, help me.
Oh, I popped a seam!
Ms. Hathaway will
have to drive me home.
You bring His Highness
in the limousine.
Of course, my dear.
Excuse me, Your Highness,
speaking man to king,
I've heard you're worth
billions. Is that true?
- Quite true.
- Really?
Well, I know a
family you must meet.
Mm, if you like.
Oh. Shall we?
His Highness will be
here any minute now.
Where's the young
'uns? You ready for him?
Don't go getting excited. What
do you mean, am I ready for him?
Well, I mean like
special victuals and such.
It ain't every day we get to
swap howdies with a king.
His Highness is gonna get
my ordinary company victuals,
just like anybody else.
Being a king don't make him
no different than you or me.
All right, Granny.
You ain't gonna catch
me carrying on about him.
He's just folks, as
far as I'm concerned.
I ain't gonna get excited or
flustered or discombobulated.
All right, Granny, but I
don't think you'd be making
too much fuss over him if
you was to put on some shoes.
- Aaaahh!
- Take it easy.
I am! I just don't know
what happened to 'em.
I had 'em on just before I
put my corn pone in the oven.
Granny, there's your corn pone.
Oh!
Thought you said you wasn't
excited about the king coming.
- I ain't.
- All right, you ain't.
Now, come on, so we can
be out front when he comes.
All right. Don't get excited.
Just wait'll I put on my hat.
I'll take you to my home
in a moment, Your Majesty,
but first you must
meet the Clampetts.
Nice little place. Is
there a Ms. Clampett?
Yes. And I think you'll
find her most unique.
Not what you'd expect from a
daughter of a multi-millionaire.
Multi?
Is that in dollars,
drachmas, rupees... what?
Dollars.
Oh, they're just one of my
smaller accounts at the bank.
Seventy million or so.
- Seventy million?
- Mm-hm.
Of course that's nothing
compared to your assets.
- Fortunately.
- I beg your pardon?
Fortunately I have
learned the common touch.
I am looking forward to
meeting Ms. Clampett.
Oh, her name is Elly.
Just pretend he's
company from home.
It ain't the same.
Jethro says that kings wear gold
crowns and fur-trimmed capes and...
Come in. Come in.
Come in, Your Highness.
I, uh, I seem to have
lost my money clip.
You see, he ain't nothing
to get all boggled over.
You can say that again.
I'll look outside.
May I present His Most
Royal August Highness,
King Alexander of Sabalia.
Howdy, I'm Jed Clampett.
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Clampett...
Oh, no, we ain't married.
Oh, then you must be the beautiful
lady I've heard so much about.
Ms. Clampett... Elly.
What an exquisite
creature you are.
Silver-haired beauty.
Elly.
[WHISPERING] Granny,
he thinks you're Elly.
- Say something.
- In good time, Jed.
Granny.
All right.
[WHISPERING] I ain't Elly.
I ain't Elly.
This here's Granny,
yonder's Elly May.
Beauty begets beauty.
The sun has given
her light to the moon.
This here's the
King of Sabalia, Elly.
Well, howdy, King.
Excuse me.
Call me Bobo...
all my friends do.
Okay, King Bobo.
Where is he? Where's the king?
Where is His Highness?
What'd you do with him?
That's my nephew, Jethro.
He got that outfit from my
movie studio, special for you.
He looks positively ludicrous.
Well, thank you.
He'll be pleased.
I couldn't find your money clip.
- But he did.
- I missed him.
He's gone, and all that's
left is his royal napkin holder.
You big dope, this
here's His Highness.
Him?
Gee, you sure don't look like the
king in my Big Blue Book of Fairy Tales.
Anyway, my liege.
Let's all go in the parlor
and get acquainted.
- Hello, Ms. Hathaway.
- Chief, where have you been?
Your wife has been phoning every
five minutes since I took her home.
She thinks you've
kidnapped King Alexander.
For once she's right.
And he couldn't have cared less
about protocol when he saw Elly May.
- I hope there's no language problem.
- What do you mean?
Those two can speak in
the universal language.
You mean love?
- Money.
- Money.
- MRS. DRYSDALE: Milburn.
- Quick, lock the door.
Hello, Uncle Milby.
Doreen, what are
you doing in town?
The question to be answered is,
what have you done with His Highness?
I asked first. What
is she doing here?
She's my niece, and
I asked her to fly here
and be King Alexander's
companion during his visit.
Companion? What
about getting married?
You are already married.
No, she and Leonard are no more.
Poor little thing, she rushed
into it before she was ready.
But I'm not bitter.
Maybe my next
husband will be Mr. Right.
Seven's my lucky number.
Leonard was number seven, dear.
Now, what have you
done with Alexander?
I think he's visiting friends.
I don't know what
you're up to, Milburn,
probably something
to do with his money,
but Doreen is not going
to let you out of her sight
until she meets the king.
Right, Auntie Meg. I've
never married royalty before.
Unless you count
the Pancake King.
You stay right here, dear.
I'm going to see if His
Highness is in the basement.
Doreen, why don't you
fix your makeup in there.
You want to look your best
when you meet the king.
Oh, I sure do. How's
this for openers?
You always were
a shy, little thing.
What am I gonna do?
She'll wreck everything.
Howdy, Mr. Drysdale, Ms. Jane.
- We done invited to King Alexander...
- Shh!
We done invited King Alexander
to stay with us for a while.
I got to get you to tell me
where to pick up his suitcases.
Wonderful. Thank you...
Oh, I know who you are.
- You do?
- I've been looking for you.
You have?
Chief, she thinks he's King...
My name's Doreen.
Can I be one of your
friends and call you Bobo?
Shucks, you can call me
"gatorface" if you want to.
[CHUCKLES] Bobo's okay.
Why don't we get out
of here and go for a ride?
All right. I see
your dressed for it.
You bet.
Let's go!
Ain't nothing that turns a girl's
head like a uniform. [LAUGHS]
Jed, where's His Highness?
I'm already to serve him
and Elly a courting dinner.
I'm having groundhog goulash...
Granny, try and hold
up on the victuals a mite.
He just went down to the
cement pond to talk to Elly,
and I never seen
anybody in such a dither.
Well, after all, he's the
first king Elly ever met.
Well, it ain't her that's
in a dither, it's him.
- Let me look.
- Hold on, now.
- I don't want to go spying on 'em.
- Then you wait here. I will.
- Tend your victuals.
- Oh, all right, Jed.
It's just that I'm so
dad-blamed excited.
I know what you mean.
Thinking about Elly
getting married to a king.
I can't. It's enough to think
of Elly getting married at all.
I got to admit, it looks
pretty good, though,
him accepting our
invite to stay over
and sending Jethro
out for his bags, and all.
And we know he
ain't no fortune hunter.
Mr. Drysdale says
he's a billionaire.
[CACKLES] I
think I'll just slip out
and give Elly some
advice on romance.
Granny, love will find a way...
it don't need you riding point.
Ah, Elly May, look
at these hands.
These little hands.
They is kinda small for a man.
Elly, you are driving me mad.
- I am?
- Believe me, you are.
My sweet.
My angel.
Ah, Elly May.
Hey, why... why are you
always kissing hands?
Ain't you never heared
of kissing on the lips?
Elly.
Sorry, I hope I didn't hurt you.
Why did you do that?
Well, 'cause Granny said
to when it's the first date
and it ain't a good night kiss.
Then it was not your idea?
Heck, no. I like kissing.
But I dassn't disobey Granny.
Then your hand will do nicely.
Would you mind switching.
This one's getting
awfully chapped.
Well, here we are.
This is the Drysdale place.
I thought you owned all
sorts of fabulous sports cars.
No, just this one.
Well, thanks for the ride.
Yeah, now, I'll pick you up
right here for our date tonight.
But I thought you
were staying here, too.
Oh, heck no. I
already live next door.
- Well, that's a break.
- Beg your pardon?
What are we going
to be doing tonight?
Oh, I got some real big plans.
We's gonna go frog-hunting.
Frog-hunting?
But... you're the king.
Yeah, I am pretty good at it.
You sure aren't what I expected.
This truck and
frog-hunting tonight.
And as for your famous
wit... I've only seen half of it.
Thank you. I ain't
warmed up yet.
Well, until tonight.
Yeah. And wear some old shoes.
Thank you.
I never seen the like, Jed.
Best courting dinner I ever served
up, and that king never touched a bite.
How can any man pass
up groundhog goulash,
baked buzzard eggs
and minced crawdads?
Maybe he just
don't like rich food.
I'm beginning to
wonder about him.
How can you trust a fella that
don't like fricassee of barn owl?
I wouldn't fault
the king, Granny.
The way he tells it, all
Sabalians has tetchy stomachs.
What you mean?
Well, he says nobody in
his country eats very good.
They's all suffering from
something called, um...
inflated glotny.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
I heard you were staying, so I
dropped by with your luggage.
I'm sorry there
is so much of it.
[CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTS]
I'm carrying several
suitcases full of currency.
Really?
Of course, with
your kind of money,
I suppose a suitcase full here
or there doesn't amount to much.
With my kind of money,
you are absolutely right.
So, if you're staying here,
why don't you let me
keep it for you at my bank?
Very well, why don't you
open an account for me...
with... with the money
in these two, huh?
Wonderful. And do
you want me to contact
your Swiss bank for the balance?
Well, perhaps after
Elly and I are married.
- You're getting married?
- I am mad about her.
Unfortunately her enthusiasm
for the idea does not equal mine.
Well, just how much
enthusiasm does she have?
Roughly speaking, none.
But she can't refuse you,
you're the King of Sabalia.
I know.
But to use her exact
words, she said, uh...
"That don't cut no
mustard with me."
Pardon me, Your
Highness, maybe it's because
- you're not acting enough like a king.
- What?
I mean, don't you have a
uniform you can impress her with?
A crown, or a cape,
or something like that?
Of course, but do you think
that will make much difference?
Oh, howdy, my
liege. Mr. Drysdale.
Somebody left these
suitcases on the front porch.
They belong to His
Highness. Thank you, Jethro.
Thank you. That niece of
yours sure took a shine to me.
I don't know what done it.
Either my uniform or my
personal poise and magnetism.
Maybe it would help to
wear my cape and crown.
Here we are, Ms. Hathaway,
King Alexander's first deposit.
In cash?
There must be a
$100,000 in each of these.
And he's got three billion more.
[CHUCKLES] Wait a
minute. What's this stuff?
It's Sabalian currency.
King Alexander's a
billionaire all right, in glotnys.
Well, they must be
convertible to dollars.
- Look it up in the exchange rates.
- I am. Let... let's see.
Francs, guilders, glotnys... yes,
they're worth four to the dollar.
Well, that's still almost
one billion dollars.
Chief, the rate is four
tons of glotnys to the dollar.
Wait, there's a footnote.
This rate is good only
during world paper shortages.
The rest of the time
they're absolutely worthless.
Chief.
[SOBBING]
Oh, don't take it so hard.
You're not out anything.
I may be out the Clampetts.
That royal thief is up there right
now sweeping Elly off her feet.
And I told him how.
Pass the glotnys.
Maybe we're not too late.
KING ALEXANDER:
Elly May, I am a king.
I offer you a life
of complete luxury.
Never again will
you wear blue jeans.
You will always be at
the height of fashion.
Only the nobility
will speak to you.
They will call you
"Your Majesty."
- King...
- Silence.
Servants will wait
on you hand and foot.
You will drink vintage
wine and eat gourmet food.
You'll do no work. You'll
sleep 'til noon every day.
You will lack for nothing.
Now say you'll accept.
I'm, sorry, King, but
it sounds just awful.
You are refusing me?
Yes, Your Majesty.
- But I ain't!
- What?
I was listening to the whole
thing. And boy, that's the life for me.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Hi, Doreen.
There's the king. He's the
one that took me for the ride.
He took you for a ride,
all right. That's Jethro.
There's the real king.
Your Majesty.
Doreen, I got to
break our date tonight.
I'm going to Sabalia
to live a life of luxury.
[MOUTHING] Help me.
Mrs. Drysdale... Madame.
I'm afraid I must say goodbye.
The yacht I came in
is sailing in two hours.
Hot dog. I'll get packed.
But you can't leave. You
haven't gotten to know Doreen yet.
Oh, forget it, Aunt Meg. I
am going back to Boston.
Jethro was bad enough,
but this one looks like
something out of the Big
Blue Book of Fairy Tales.
Doreen! Forgive
her Your Majesty.
She's really lovely. And single.
Is she by any chance rich?
Well, she's gotten seven
divorce settlements.
Wait,mademoiselle! Wait!
I will make you my queen!
Well, this is the last of the
courting dinner leftovers.
Elly, I hope you
don't feel too bad
about the king leaving
and chasing back to Boston.
Oh, heck, no. I
never did love him.
And when he put on that
crown and got so uppity,
well, I didn't even like him.
Leastways, he said we
could have his suitcases.
I can hardly wait
to see what's in 'em.
I already looked, and every one was
filled with nothing but paper napkins.
But they're nice ones.
Well, tuck 'em in and let's eat.
♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin
♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality
♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality
♪ Hillbilly, that is
♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪
Y'all come back now, you hear?
ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.