The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 5, Episode 24 - The Gypsy's Warning - full transcript

♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed

♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed

♪ And then one day he
was shooting at some food

♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude

♪ Oil, that is

♪ Black gold Texas tea

♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire

♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"

♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"

♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly

♪ Hills, that is

♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪

The Beverly Hillbillies.

Gypsies!

Jed, quick! Gypsies!

Hide the young 'uns! Jed! Jed!

What's the matter, Granny?
What's all the yelling about?

Gypsies! Right outside!

They've come to steal Jethro.

- Jethro?
- They always steal boy babies.

Now, Granny.

That's a 230-pound
baby you're talking about.

They can do it.
They got a big wagon.

Hey, what's all the hollering?

Jethro, quick, get upstairs
and hide under the bed.

- What for?
- So the gypsies won't steal you.

- Gypsies?
- Oh, you’re my only baby boy,

and I love you!

Hey, Uncle Jed, what
is she talking about?

Get upstairs you
230-pound numbskull!

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Don't open it, Jed.

- Just shoot 'em through the door.
- Shoot 'em?

Maybe they'll take
the hint and go away.

I ain't turning nobody away from my
door without I know what they want.

- [KNOCKING CONTINUES]
- I told you what they'd want.

Besides they'll steal all
our pigs and our chickens.

There ain't a pig or a
chicken on this place.

They done cleaned us out.

For some reason you
always been scared of gypsies.

Now, you go hide under
the bed and I'll talk to 'em.

Please, Jed, if we
don't let 'em take Jethro,

they'll put a curse on us.

If they do take Jethro,
there'll be a curse on them.

A whole tribe of gypsies couldn't
steal fast enough to feed that boy.

- Howdy, ma'am.
- Greetings.

I am Narda, Queen of Gypsies.

We ain't got no boy babies.

- Granny.
- This is my son, Yerko.

- Howdy.
- Where did you steal him?

That'll do now. What
can I do for you, ma'am?

For small sum of one dollar,

I tell your fortune,
reveal the future.

- No thanks.
- Fifty cents?

It ain't the money,
you can have that.

You don't want
to see the future?

I believe I'd rather be
surprised, like everybody else.

Here's your dollar, though.

Don't give it to her,
Jed, she's a faker.

She can't tell nobody's fortune.

If lady let me see her
palm, I reveal her future.

Oh, no, you wanna
steal my rings.

You ain't wearing no rings.

- Please?
- How many fingers I got, Jed?

- Five.
- You see that I get five back.

Nice looking team of horses.

Thank you.

Where'd you steal them?

Granny, hush that kind of talk.

You can't tell me
nothing about myself.

You don't even know who I am.

I see flower...
flower of meadow.

White petals and golden heart.

Daisy. Does this
mean anything to you?

Not a thing. Not a thing.

Why Granny, that's
your name, Daisy.

Oh, yeah. [LAUGHS] I forgot.

Can you tell Granny
where she was born?

I see a ten and a C.

Does this mean anything to you?

Not a thing. I knowed
you was a faker.

Granny, you was
born in Tennessee.

Stop telling her everything.

What else do you see?

I see you, uh, leaving hills.

I see old truck.

On truck I see old bench.

On bench I see
young girl and old dog.

Who you calling a old dog?

Granny, I think she means Duke.

Oh, well that's all in the past.

How about the future?

Yes, now for
the future. I see...

- I see...
- What do you see?

Nothing. Narda can tell no more.

Why? What's the matter?

Don't ask. Come, Yerko.

But you got a dollar
to tell me the future.

Here, take it back.

Quickly Yerko, we must
leave before it happens.

Before what happens? Tell
me, I'll give you five dollars.

- No!
- Well, how about a baby boy?

A big rascal, 230-pounder.

- Granny.
- What do you say to that?

I say only this: heed
the gypsy's warning.

Leave this place
before it is too late.

- Come, Yerko.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]

Did you hear what she said?

Yeah, I sure am glad you’re too
smart to believe in that nonsense.

Yeah. Who does she
think she's trying to scare?

Faker! Baby stealer!

It takes more than an old
gypsy woman to scare me away.

- That's the spirit.
- We's staying right here.

- You betcha.
- [FORCED LAUGH]

She ain't got no powers.

Just cause she told me my
name and where I was born,

and how we left the hills and
came out here on the truck,

and me sitting up on the bench.

Jethro!

Get out from under that
bed and commence packing!

- Granny...
- Elly May, start loading the truck.

We's getting out of here.
This place is doomed!

Twenty, 30, 40...

Now, you're sure they'll leave.

You may depend on it.

Oh, I'm so happy.

For five years I've been trying to
rid the neighborhood of that blight.

Now, at last, my
dream has come true.

The money, please.

Oh, yes, uh... where was I?

Twenty.

Thirty, 40, 50, 60...

What if they decide not to move?

You have but to call on us at tearoom.
Yerko and I will pay them another visit.

Of course, that will cost
you another hundred dollars.

Oh. Well, I hope that
won't be necessary.

Uh, let's see,
where... where was I?

Uh, 40.

Fifty, 60...

That's funny, I thought
I had a hundred.

Uh-uh.

Rich lady must not try
to cheat poor gypsies.

Oh, I wouldn't.

My goodness, I'd pay any price

to get rid of those
dreadful hillbillies.

Now, where was I?

Uh, 50.

Seventy, 90, 100. There.

Blessings of gypsies upon you.

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, not a
word of this to my husband.

He panics at the thought
of losing that 60 million.

Well, toodle-oo!

Or Zigeuner, or
whatever you gypsies say.

Gypsies say, "What 60 million?"

The Clampetts have 60 million
dollars in my husband's bank.

This you not tell poor gypsies.

What difference could it make?

Very rich people require
very special curse.

Oh, dear, I suppose
that costs extra.

Ah... Is a curse deductible?

This curse is complimentary,
to build good will.

Oh, wonderful.

Well, happy hexing.

Mother, she must have
had another 40 dollars.

Granny must have 15 million.

Yes, yes, but how do we get it?

Very simple, my son.

I will read her palm again.

I will see a dark, handsome
man. He will marry her.

Marry Granny? A
dark, handsome man?

So you're not handsome.

Me? Now, wait a minute.

Mother, mother, mother!
Listen, mother, please!

I'm sorry, chief, but
Granny just called

with an impossible
request, and I thought I'd...

Ms. Hathaway, when a woman
has 15 million dollars in my bank,

no request is impossible.

But she wants to take the
15 million out of your bank.

- Impossible.
- I thought you'd feel that way.

She'd like it in gunny
sacks out in front,

so she can pick it up on
her way back to the hills.

Again she's going
home? What is it this time?

Well, it seems a couple of gypsies told
her there was a curse on the mansion.

Oh, only a nut would
believe gypsies.

Your wife believed them.

I just said that.

Well, what two gypsies can
do, two more gypsies can undo.

Oh, chief, where are you going to
find two more gypsies in Beverly Hills?

Let's go, "Natasha."

[GROANS]

Back upstairs for
another load, young 'uns.

We gotta get out of this house
before something happens.

What is it that's gonna
happen, Granny?

- Don't ask, child.
- Well, why not?

'Cause I don't know.

Granny, I told you we ain't gonna let
them gypsies scare us out of our house.

But, Jed, she called every turn.

She might of heard it
coming through Bug Tussle.

Now, you young 'uns, tote
all that stuff back upstairs.

Jed, she seen doom
right here in my hand.

And I can see it now, too.

Look... cuts right
across my heart line.

You done that cleaning
catfish with a dull knife.

Is this house doomed, or ain't it?
'Cause I ain't gonna do no more toting.

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Aah! There's doom at the door!

Run outside young 'uns,
and save yourselves.

No, not that way, you're
liable to hit it head-on.

Granny, stop spooking the boy,
he's liable to run right through a wall.

Well, it's the gypsy lady again.

She come back for my baby!

You got a baby, Granny?

Hush up and duck!

I have good news, there
is no curse on this house.

Gypsy make mistake reading palm.

Oh, don't blame yourself,
ma'am. Granny's got a catfish scar.

If you will let me
see your hand again.

Run, Jethro! Get
away from me, gypsy.

You're in league with
the devil, forces of evil.

Don't you touch me! Jed,
get a gun and shoot her!

Your heart line. I
see love, romance.

I see dark, handsome
stranger coming into your life.

You do? Who is he? Where's
he from and when's he coming?

Before I can tell you
more, I must consult cards,

read tea leaves,
brew special potion.

Could my son and I make
camp here overnight?

Why, sure. Can't they, Jed?

Granny, I thought you
was scared of gypsies.

[CHUCKLES] Whatever
give you that notion?

Why, some of my best
friends are gypsies.

Like my friend Narda
here, she's a queen.

Well, we'd be pleasured to have you,
ma'am, but no call for you to camp out.

We got plenty of spare bedrooms.

Thank you.

Jed, gypsies is outdoor people.

To put a gypsy in a house
is like putting a bird in a cage.

Well, we would not mind.

Oh, now, you're
just trying to be nice.

We're not gonna
force our ways on you.

Granny, it gets pretty
cold out there nights.

But Jed, that's what gypsies
like, to sleep on the frostbit ground.

Why, to put a gypsy
in a warm bed...

why they's miserable!

He means well, he just
don't know your ways like I do.

Well, just this once
we could sleep in...

Now, Narda, I know that
you draw a heap of powers

from sleeping out
under the moon.

And I want you at your peak when
you conjure up my dark, handsome fella.

Now, you take your wagon and go
off by the cement pond and camp there.

I'll see you later.

Granny, it's gonna get
pretty nippy out there tonight.

Jed, you don't know
these people like I do.

A frostbit gypsy
is a happy gypsy.

Drive around back and
make camp for the night.

Make camp?

There must be at least a
dozen bedrooms in this mansion.

We are outdoor people.

Not me. I'm a tearoom gypsy.

Do as I say and you
will be a rich gypsy.

But I don't want
to marry Granny.

And... and maybe she
won't want to marry me.

Oh, she will, my son.

You will serenade her.

Your gypsy violin will cry.

If you think it's gonna
cry, wait 'til you hear me.

Has my dark, handsome
stranger come yet, Jed?

- Not yet.
- Well, I'm ready for him.

[LAUGHS]

Skillet, skillet in my hand,

who's the fairest in the land?

You, you little doll. [CHUCKLES]

Granny, I hope you ain't setting too
much store by what that gypsy told you.

Dark handsome men
don't grow on bushes.

Jed, I know my gypsies.

Why, they got powers that even
you and me can't understand.

If Narda says a man is
coming, he's a-coming.

- I hope so.
- Why, she'll throw a spell on him

where he can't
even help himself.

- [KNOCKS ON DOOR]
- I have brewed magic tea.

- Come drink.
- Hot diggity-dog!

There. Now, where's my fella?

I find him in tea leaves.

You should of told me.
I swallowed half of him.

- It's all right. I see him.
- What's he look like?

- [VIOLIN PLAYING]
- Very dark, very handsome,

has mustache, comes on
wings of song, any moment now...

Stop that racket!

- I can't hear what the gypsy's saying!
- [VIOLIN STOPS]

Oh, it's you, Jerko.

- Yerko.
- Sorry I yelled at you.

Go ahead and play.
I like fiddle music.

- Very good for romance.
- Nothing better.

How's that for service, Jed?

She's not only
conjuring me up a fella,

but she furnished a fiddle player to
put him in the mood when he gets here.

She's going whole hog.

You done your part, Narda.

- Now it's up to me and Yerko.
- [HITS SOUR NOTE]

The gypsy's blessing upon you.

And on you, my son.

That the only tune
you know how to play?

Oh, no, anything you want.

Well, how about
something popular,

like "Ten Cent Cotton
and Forty Cent Meat"?

I... I don't believe
I know that one.

How about "Letter Edged in
Black"? That's purty on the fiddle.

Or, "The Coffin in the
Baggage Coach Ahead"?

Well, they ain't exactly
courting tunes, Jed.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- There he is. How do I look, Jed?

Fine, Granny, you
want me to go let him in?

No, I'll go. You stay here and try and
learn that goomer some courting music.

- You know the Crawdad Song?
- I don't think so.

Well, you'll catch on in
a hurry. It goes like this.

♪ You get a line and
I'll get a pole, honey

♪ You get a line
and I'll get a pole, babe

♪ You get a line
and I'll get a pole

♪ We'll go down
to the crawdad hole

♪ Honey, baby, mine

- Now you're getting it.
- [PLAYING UPBEAT MELODY]

Yeah!

Are you sure gypsy men wear
earrings? I feel like a darn fool.

You look fine, chief.
Very handsome.

I'm coming, lover.

Ooh! Dark and handsome,
with a mustache.

Maybe it's Dustin
Farnum or Bull Montana.

It's a gypsy!

Yes. I am Zarko,
King of Gypsies.

I'm sorry. Spell or no
spell, I can't marry you.

- What?
- I'm too old for a outdoor honeymoon.

A frostbit Granny is
a miserable Granny.

Now, you stay in
here, I'll go get Narda

to take the curse
off you, Zarko.

But we only want to tell you there
is no gypsy curse on this house.

The heck there ain't. The
place is crawling with gypsies.

- There are others?
- Others?

You can't swing a cat
without hitting a gypsy.

- I'll go with you.
- No, you stay here.

The less you see of me,
the easier it's gonna be

for you to get over that
mad passion for me.

Come on, let's find those
gypsies and expose them.

Don't forget, chief, those
gypsies can expose us.

Oh, there you
are. Listen to this.

♪ You get a line and I
get a pole, Ochi Chornya

♪ You get a line and I
get a pole, Ochi Strastnye

Yeah, yeah, that's
fine. That's fine.

Will you marry me?

Marry you? I just
turned down your king.

Uncle Jed, the gypsy woman
just looked into my future.

Mine, too.

Yeah, I'm gonna meet a
dark, handsome stranger.

- Me, too.
- Come on, Elly.

- GRANNY: Narda!
- Hold on, young 'uns.

Let's see how
Granny made out, first.

Well, Granny,
your fella show up?

Yeah. In fact, there's two
fellas wanting to marry me.

Looks like Narda
delivers the goods.

Yeah, she's long on volume
but a mite short on variety.

- What you mean?
- They's both gypsies.

Appears that's all
she can conjure.

- Hear that, young 'uns?
- I don't care, gypsy gals is purty.

- And gypsy fellas is handsome.
- Come on, Elly.

Gypsy living is all right for
young 'uns, but not for me.

Betwixt the froze ground and
them stole squawling babies,

I never would get any sleep.

Narda? Narda!

Yerko, my son,
where are you going?

Back to the tearoom.
These people are meshuga.

Sixty million dollars
they can be meshuga.

But I proposed to Granny,
and she turned me down.

There are three
others in the family.

Between us we will unload a dark,
handsome stranger on one of them.

Who are you?

I am Zarko.

I am daughter of Zarko.

- I am Yerko.
- I am mother of Yerko.

I am Jethro.

I am cousin of Jethro.

You must be that gypsy
gal I was supposed to meet.

But of course.

And you must be my gypsy fella.

Heh! What else?

Come on, let's get acquainted.

What tribe you from, gypsy?

What tribe you from?

I am Queen of Zagracks.

I am King of Greenbacks.

You tell fortune?

Yes, and I see
jail in your future.

Now hit the Romany trail
before I call the Bunco Squad.

Wait, don't spoil good thing.

Is plenty here for all gypsies.

Very rich hillbillies.

Those are my
very rich hillbillies.

What is the meaning of this?

I paid you gypsies
a hundred dollars

to frighten the Clampetts
back to the hills.

- You did?
- You know very well I...

Please don't take offense,

but you bear a striking
resemblance to my husband.

"Striking" is exactly the right
word. Wait'll I get you home.

- Milburn!
- Yes!

Now, hand over
that hundred bucks.

Stay away. I put curse on you.

[LAUGHS] I'm married to her and
you're gonna put a curse on me?

Put it there.

I see money in your hand.

Yes, well I don't,
so hand it over.

I see much money,
killing in stock market.

Oh, I don't buy that gypsy jazz.

I'm a practical,
down-to-earth banker.

So put the hundred
bucks in that hand.

- Milburn...
- And this hand I'm saving for you

right over my knee,
when I get you home.

Milburn, darling,
please don't be angry.

I'm sorry for what I did. I'll
be a good wife from now on.

It won't do any good to plead.

I'll be a loving wife. I'll shower
you with hugs and kisses.

And threats won't work, either!

How big a killing
in the stock market?

Very, very big.

And what stocks shall I buy?

Is cloudy. For cash,
clouds might lift.

Uh-huh? How much?

For fellow gypsy, can
have at cost, 90 dollars.

Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50...

- Daddykins!
- Margaret, please.

But Babykins loves Daddykins!

And Daddykins loves moneykins.

Now, where were we?

Twenty.

Thirty, 40, 50...

- Sweetiekins!
- Margaret!

You're my dark, handsome
gypsy sweetheart.

- Please.
- No!

Narda, break the spell on Zarko.

He's done grabbed
hisself a married woman.

Think of your
husband, Ms. Drysdale.

- Let go!
- But, Granny...

Besides, I already
turned him down.

Yore gettin' him on the rebound.

You don't want a
secondhand gypsy.

- But, Granny, listen...
- Now, you listen.

Even if you were
free to marry him,

you ain't no more up to an
outdoor honeymoon than I am.

Now, where was I?

- Forty.
- Ah, yes.

Fifty, 60...

That wasn't a hundred dollars
there. My wife cheated you.

Happens to poor
gypsies every day.

- Did you call off the spell?
- Not yet.

It must have been a humdinger to
give him a hankering for that old biddy.

True.

I wanna see how you do it.

- [FIDDLE MUSIC PLAYING]
- JETHRO: Yee-haw! Yee-haw!

[CHEERING, CLAPPING]

What's going on in there?

Oh, come on in and join us.

Yeah, Granny, my gypsy
fella plays a real good fiddle.

And my gypsy gal
dances up a storm.

Can you square dance, gypsy?

No.

Oh-ho-ho! My father joke.

He do big hotfoot
Hungarian hoedown.

Well, le's go! And remember,
the spell is still on you.

Just dancing, no sparking.

Let her rip, Yerko!

[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

[ALL CHEERING]

♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin

♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in

♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality

♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality

♪ Hillbilly, that is

♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪

Y'all come back now, you hear?

ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.