The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 4, Episode 20 - The Big Chicken - full transcript
♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Shoo! Get out of here!
Get out of there, now!
Elly May! Shoo.
Get, get, get goin'.
What's the matter, Granny?
Your chickens are in
my tomato patch again.
Well, I'm sorry, Granny.
Them tomatoes is gonna win
me a blue ribbon at the county fair,
and if I catch your hens
pecking at 'em again,
they's gonna be
swimmin' in hot gravy.
They'll hear you.
I'm giving 'em fair warning.
Them that eats gets et.
Take a look at
this beauty, Elly.
They can't grow tomatoes
like that in Californy.
Well, you're doing it.
These are back-home tomatoes,
growed with back-home seeds
with back-home know-how.
When the judges at the
county fair take a look at these...
That's a scarecrow you're
sitting on, you stupid crow!
Scare!
Is he one of yours?
No, ma'am. Can I have him?
You can have him in a pie
and them blasted
chickens with him!
Oh, really, this is too much!
Milburn! Milburn!
How long must I endure
those sordid sharecroppers?
What is it, dear? I'm late.
Granny is... Aren't
you going to the office?
Yes. As a matter of fact,
they're taking some pictures
of me for an ad campaign.
The idea is to project a new
youthful image for the bank,
so I thought I would
dress accordingly.
Well, the Clampetts are...
What is that?
Just a little hairpiece.
I am prematurely gray, you know.
How's it look?
Ridiculous.
Now go next door and tell...
Margaret, I am
supposed to personify
youthful, vigorous leadership.
Then personify it by
vigorously leading the Clampetts
out of Beverly Hills.
Anyone with $50 million is
entitled to live in a mansion.
If only they'd live in it,
with the doors and windows
closed and the curtains drawn.
But, no, they have to root
about outside, dig in the soil.
Look at Granny!
She's only trying to grow
a prize-winning tomato.
Ooh, which reminds me, I'm
posing with a beautiful model.
- What?
- Ad campaign, my dear.
- Business, business.
- But what about the Clampetts?
Later, my dear.
Duty calls.
He's posing with an ostrich?
Yep. He's gonna be the
symbol of our whole campaign.
Take a look at that
ad layout sketch.
"Don't bury your
head in the sand.
Look to the future with the
Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills."
Well, that-that's fine, but
Mr. Drysdale seems to be
under the impression that he's
posing with a beautiful model.
No, I tossed that
out. That's old hat.
Why, uh, this, uh,
ostrich idea is fresh.
It'll give us a
whole series of ads.
Like, uh, "Don't
stick your neck out."
"Take a giant step forward."
"Feather your
nest." It'll be terrific.
Miss Hathaway.
Well, I hope the
Chief thinks so.
Chief!
How's this?
Projects that youthful
image, doesn't it?
Well, it certainly does.
Did, uh, Nelson find a model?
- Well, yes, but...
- Well, how does she look?
Beautiful figure?
- Fantastic legs.
- Oh...
There's an ostrich in my office.
Yeah, she's the model
for the new ad campaign.
That's right, Mr. Drysdale.
Here's the layout.
Are you out of your mind?
I'm not posing with
that goofy looking bird.
Say, you know, it would be
a better picture without you.
- What?
- Just a big close-up
of the ostrich looking
right in the camera.
- A real attention-getter.
- You're fired!
Now take that thing
back to its owner.
Okay.
Here you are, Mr. Drysdale.
Her name is Miriam.
What's the idea?
- You're the owner.
- Me?
To make sure that
she'd be available
for the whole campaign,
the bank had to buy her.
Take good care of her.
Cost you $2,000.
Bye.
I'll send my bill in the mail.
What am I gonna
do with an ostrich?
- You can give her to the zoo.
- Give?
I want my money
out of this thing.
Well, we can advertise,
but meanwhile where
are we gonna keep her?
Miss Hathaway, I've
often heard you mention
how lonely it is
in your apartment.
How would you like
to have a roommate?
- Oh, Chief!
- Well, think it over.
I understand a pet bird
can be a lot of company.
Chief, I can't keep an
ostrich in my tiny apartment.
- Move into a larger one.
- Now, really!
All right, have
somebody take it up
and put it in my
garage temporarily,
- but get those ads going.
- Yes, sir.
Sh-Shall I buy one
large ad or a series...
Buy nothing.
Every supermarket
has a free bulletin board.
I've got enough money tied
up in that feathered freak.
For sale... one
ostrich... At cost, $2,500.
Twenty-five?
Our time is worth something.
Twenty-five...
hundred... dollars.
Come back with my hair!
Ravenswood, what
a magnificent tomato.
Wherever did you find it?
Right at your front door.
The greengrocer's truck.
That's exactly what I want.
How would you like it prepared?
Oh, it's not to eat.
I hope it will discourage Granny
from trying to grow her own.
By doggies, Mrs. Drysdale,
this is a fine tomato.
Surely Granny will realize
she can't possibly grow anything
as large as this.
Oh, it's a whopper, all right.
I never seen one to
beat it, even back home.
Where'd you grow this?
I didn't have to grow it.
The butler got it from
our vegetable man,
right at the front door.
Hmm. Mind if I
show it to Granny?
Please do. I hope
it'll convince her
that all this digging and
planting is a waste of time.
She'll never produce
a prize-winning tomato.
Mrs. Drysdale growed this?
Well, she let it slip that her
butler and vegetable man
done the work, but they
growed it out by her front door.
And you can bet your
boots she'll take credit for it
at the county fair.
Now, we ain't sure that she...
I know that spiteful woman.
She'd do anything to beat me.
Why, she never cared
shucks about growing nothin'
- till she seen me do it.
- That's true.
Well, we'll see
who wins first prize.
Where you going?
I'm gonna stir me up
the doggonedest batch
of tomato-growin'
tonic you ever seen.
Didn't know you had one.
I don't.
I'm gonna invent one.
And by the time
the fair rolls around,
my tomatoes will
make that thing look
like a bloodshot gooseberry!
Granny, that's about all them
tomatoes can take right now.
Your tonic is puddling
up on the ground.
Douse 'em again.
Well, why not let
it soak in overnight
and give 'em some
more in the morning?
I'll make another
batch in the morning.
Them tomatoes have
got to be force growed.
You can only push nature so fer.
Don't you tell me what I can do.
It's coming on for dark.
We'll get lanterns.
Your tonic's
commencin' to run off.
If we pour on any more,
it'll just run over into
Mrs. Drysdale's yard.
All right.
We'll start again at sunup.
Aw, Granny.
You be here with your
bucket at the crack of dawn.
I'm kind of sorry I showed
Granny Mrs. Drysdale's tomato.
Sure put grit in her gizzard.
Never seen her so worked up.
She's plumb wild-eyed.
Well, we got to
remember that back home
Granny used to win a lot
of prizes with her tomatoes.
And she was countin' big
on showing up
these Californy folks.
Yeah. Mrs. Drysdale whupped
her 'fore she even got started.
I wouldn't do no
laughing around Granny.
You'd be sleeping
horse-style tonight.
What you mean?
Standin' up.
Milburn. Milburn.
Wake up.
Wh-Wha-What?
Someone's trying to
break into our garage.
Garage?
Yes, I can hear them
pounding on the door.
Oh, that's the ostrich.
Ostrich?!
She'll quiet down.
Go back to bed.
See? I told you
she'd quiet down.
What's an ostrich
doing in our garage?!
Waxing the car.
Now get back to bed.
'Tain't the sun, Earl.
Just my lantern.
But it'll be coming
up pretty soon.
You go roust the
rest of the family.
I want to see how much
my tomatoes has growed.
You was good sized yesterday.
You really ought to
be a whopper by...
Where'd you go?
Chicken tracks!
They ate my prize tomatoes.
When I get my hands on you,
you're gonna be chicken stew.
Aha! I got you.
Now you're gonna get...
My growin' tonic.
Can't be.
I didn't see no big chicken.
I didn't feel no big chicken.
I just got up too early.
Morning, Granny.
Morning, Jed.
My, that coffee smells good.
Yeah. Well, there's
another pot on the stove.
I finished this one.
That's a heap of coffee.
Well, I want to make
sure I'm good awake
when I go out to
look at my tomatoes.
You're gonna be awake
for the next three days.
Well, come on, let's
go look at the tomatoes.
Oh, wait now, Jed.
You just sit there
and have your coffee.
I want to see 'em alone first.
How come?
Well, they's my tomatoes, and...
they was doused with
my growin' tonic, and...
Well, uh, never mind.
Now y-you just stay there.
Funny, the things you
think you see in the dark.
Ha.
Seven-foot chicken.
Drumsticks like that.
Everything looks
different in the daylight.
Sure did seem real
last night, though.
Here I was walking along and
all of a sudden there was that...
seven-foot chicken.
Oh, no.
I turned a sweet little
hen into a monster.
You can only push nature so fer.
Well, it ain't my fault.
Why didn't you stay
out of my tomato patch?
That tonic has growed
you all out of shape.
It's not that you
ain't good-looking.
It's just that you're
kind of different.
Your middle hasn't caught up
with your neck or
your drumsticks.
I don't want to be
around when it does.
Now, don't you worry.
I'm gonna invent something
to shrink you back to size.
But until I do, I got to find
some place to hide you.
Now, you stay right here.
I can put you in Drysdale's
garage till they get up.
Then I'll... Where'd you go?
Oh, no!
Get out of there!
Don't drink that!
That's the stuff that did it
to you, you crazy chicken.
I'm sorry, I guess you don't
feel too happy
about this neither.
Come on, I got a place
to hide you for a spell.
Can't figure out what Granny's
doing down there all this time.
I thought she'd
have us out there
sloshing on tomato
tonic at sunup.
Well, she was kind
of upset this morning.
She... She went
out of here... Boy?
Huh?
How many bowls you had now?
Just one.
One?
Yes, sir.
Filled it five times, but
this is the only bowl.
There she is.
Oh, hi, Granny. How
your tomatoes look?
Did they grow much?
No. No, they didn't.
Well, we'll go right
down and tonic 'em.
Come on, Jethro.
No, no! Wait.
That tonic didn't do so good.
I got to make up a new batch.
Oh, good.
That'll give me time for
a couple more helpings.
No, no, no, you won't.
I want everybody
out of my kitchen.
Well, I'll go feed the chickens.
No, no, no, no!
I'll do that.
Well, there's plenty other
chores around the place.
Come on, young'uns.
Oh, uh... I just remembered.
I need some stuff
for my new tonic.
Y'all go get it for me.
What do you need?
- Pasadena berries.
- Pasadena berries?
I never heard of them.
What do they look like?
You'll find out when
you get to Pasadena.
Go out the front door.
It's closer to Pasadena.
- Huh?
- What?
Well, she's right, young'uns.
Uh, come on, let's go.
Now, look, high-pockets,
I'm gonna do everything I can.
But you got to stay
where I put you.
If there's one
thing I can't abide,
it's a pushy chicken!
Now, wait right there!
Forget it, Earl.
Well, I reckon you young'uns
are smart enough to see
right through Granny's business
about the Pasadena berries.
- Sure, Pa.
- Heck, yeah.
Good.
Want to take along some baskets
for the berries or pick
'em up in Pasadena?
Jethro, there
ain't no such thing.
Yes, they is.
That's where they
hold the Rose Parade.
Pa's talking about berries.
Oh.
Now, we all know that there's
something mighty powerful
vexing Granny, or she wouldn't
have gone to such trouble
to get shed of us.
Now, the way I got it figured...
Uncle Jed, can't
we talk about this
on the way to Pasadena?
Boy, we ain't going to Pasadena.
How else we gonna
get Pasadena berries?
Jethro, Granny just said
that to get us out of the house
so we wouldn't find
out what's got her
jumpy as a grasshopper
in a chicken pen.
Now, the way I got it figured,
it's got something to
do with the tomatoes,
so let's get around
back and take a look.
Uh, before we go to Pasadena?
Yeah.
Uh, oh, w-want me to
get some berry baskets?
No.
Well, wait, where
are we gonna put 'em?
How about your hat?
Oh, I ain't wearin' no hat.
Well, get one, because
a brain like yours
ought to be protected.
Thanks, Uncle Jed.
Beg pardon, sir. Miss
Hathaway to see you.
- Good morning, Chief.
- Morning.
Sit down and have some coffee.
I'll get some fresh.
I wanted to bring
you the good news.
We have two possible
buyers for the ostrich.
- Wonderful!
- Where is it?
In the garage.
No, I just looked there.
The side door is open,
and the ostrich is gone.
Gone?!
I'm afraid so.
Stolen!
So that's what I
heard last night.
Somebody broke in
and took my $2,000 bird.
Call the police.
Well, now, Chief, maybe
it got out and wandered off.
Don't you think we
should look for it first?
Is it insured?
I'm afraid not.
Well, then we'll look for it.
Now, you cover
the Benson estate,
I'll take the Clampetts',
and Ravenswood,
you search our grounds.
Very good, sir.
Uh, beg pardon, sir.
What are we hunting for?
Ostrich!
Wouldn't we have
better luck in Africa, sir?
Dad-blamed pushy chicken!
Now, look, I'm
doing the best I can.
I'm working agin time
trying to come up
with a chicken shrinker.
Don't look at me like that.
I know you got a
right to be upset,
and I know I hadn't ought
to meddle with nature,
but give me a chance!
Big overgrowed pullet!
Now, look, you ain't helping any
by standing there
kicking on that...!
All right, you can
come in and watch.
By doggies, the
ripe ones is all gone.
It wasn't my chickens
that got 'em, honest, Pa.
I know that.
They couldn't even
reach them high ones.
Well, maybe the crows got 'em.
There was a big
one here yesterday.
Yeah, that could be.
He brung a bunch of
his friends over here
and had a tomato party.
Looky here, Uncle Jed.
Ain't nothing left
hanging on the vines
except these little
old green rascals.
Jethro, you hadn't
oughta picked 'em.
Well, how else was I
gonna fetch 'em to you,
unless I ripped up the vines?
What's the matter
with you this morning?
Nothing, 'cept I'm awful hungry.
Hungry? You had
five bowls of flakes.
That's just it. I never
got to finish breakfast.
Now we know what's
got Granny all upset.
Yeah, she ain't gonna
win no prize with these.
Well, young'uns, we got
to go down to the store
and get Granny the best
tomatoes we can find.
Well, she ain't
likely to win no prize
with store-bought
tomatoes neither.
No, but we can make her
think she could have won,
and sometimes
that's just as good.
Hey, Uncle Jed, are we gonna
go to the store before we go
to Pasadena and pick berries?
Jethro, try to get this
through your head:
we ain't going to
Pasadena to pick berries.
Now come on.
Let's go to the store.
Oh, I see.
We're gonna buy
'em ready-picked.
Well, I hope this does it.
I put all my scientific know-how
into this one shrinking pill.
And if it don't work, well,
we won't talk about that.
So, cross your
fingers or your feathers
or whatever you do and hope
for the best, 'cause here we go.
You need some water
to help you swallow it?
Mr. Clampett! Granny!
Anyone home?
Come on, come on. Get it down!
You got to shrink
back to chicken size
'fore anybody sees ya!
Hello? Where is everybody?
We'll never make it.
Come on! I got to hide you.
Move, you big cluck!
Anybody here?
Now stay in there
and keep quiet!
Mr. Drysdale,
how nice to see ya.
You must come again sometime.
Bye!
Granny, I want to talk to you.
Are you alone?
Just me and the chicken...
Uh, just us chickens.
Well, I want to know if
you've seen my ostrich.
- Your what?
- Ostrich.
It cost me $2,000.
Oh, it must be a dandy.
You can take me for
a ride in it tomorrow.
Keep quiet in there!
Gran-Granny, I-I guess you
don't know what an ostrich is.
No, and I don't
care. Now I'm busy.
What was that?
- Somebody at the side door.
- Oh.
Well, I just wanted to see if
you've seen a great big bird
about so high with a long neck,
black feathers and long legs.
Have you?
Why, yes, it was in my garage.
- You seen it?
- Yes!
You're having visions. I
got to answer the door!
They got tired of waiting.
That's terrible. I'll
speak to them about it.
No! I'll tend to it.
Now, you get out, or I
won't have no house left!
Oh, no.
The pill didn't work!
You're just as big as ever!
Now, young'uns, we got
to make Granny believe
that her growing tonic turned
them little green tomatoes
into these since this morning.
Reckon she'll swallow it, Pa?
It's worth a try.
She'll always believe if it
hadn't been for them crows
eating the big'uns,
she'd have won the first
prize sure as shooting.
Hey, looky yonder. What's that?
Granny?
What's she riding?
Whoa, girl, whoa!
Granny, what in
tarnation is going on?
Jed, I might not win no
prize for my tomatoes,
but wait till them judges
take a look at my chicken!
Giddyap!
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
Shoo! Get out of here!
Get out of there, now!
Elly May! Shoo.
Get, get, get goin'.
What's the matter, Granny?
Your chickens are in
my tomato patch again.
Well, I'm sorry, Granny.
Them tomatoes is gonna win
me a blue ribbon at the county fair,
and if I catch your hens
pecking at 'em again,
they's gonna be
swimmin' in hot gravy.
They'll hear you.
I'm giving 'em fair warning.
Them that eats gets et.
Take a look at
this beauty, Elly.
They can't grow tomatoes
like that in Californy.
Well, you're doing it.
These are back-home tomatoes,
growed with back-home seeds
with back-home know-how.
When the judges at the
county fair take a look at these...
That's a scarecrow you're
sitting on, you stupid crow!
Scare!
Is he one of yours?
No, ma'am. Can I have him?
You can have him in a pie
and them blasted
chickens with him!
Oh, really, this is too much!
Milburn! Milburn!
How long must I endure
those sordid sharecroppers?
What is it, dear? I'm late.
Granny is... Aren't
you going to the office?
Yes. As a matter of fact,
they're taking some pictures
of me for an ad campaign.
The idea is to project a new
youthful image for the bank,
so I thought I would
dress accordingly.
Well, the Clampetts are...
What is that?
Just a little hairpiece.
I am prematurely gray, you know.
How's it look?
Ridiculous.
Now go next door and tell...
Margaret, I am
supposed to personify
youthful, vigorous leadership.
Then personify it by
vigorously leading the Clampetts
out of Beverly Hills.
Anyone with $50 million is
entitled to live in a mansion.
If only they'd live in it,
with the doors and windows
closed and the curtains drawn.
But, no, they have to root
about outside, dig in the soil.
Look at Granny!
She's only trying to grow
a prize-winning tomato.
Ooh, which reminds me, I'm
posing with a beautiful model.
- What?
- Ad campaign, my dear.
- Business, business.
- But what about the Clampetts?
Later, my dear.
Duty calls.
He's posing with an ostrich?
Yep. He's gonna be the
symbol of our whole campaign.
Take a look at that
ad layout sketch.
"Don't bury your
head in the sand.
Look to the future with the
Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills."
Well, that-that's fine, but
Mr. Drysdale seems to be
under the impression that he's
posing with a beautiful model.
No, I tossed that
out. That's old hat.
Why, uh, this, uh,
ostrich idea is fresh.
It'll give us a
whole series of ads.
Like, uh, "Don't
stick your neck out."
"Take a giant step forward."
"Feather your
nest." It'll be terrific.
Miss Hathaway.
Well, I hope the
Chief thinks so.
Chief!
How's this?
Projects that youthful
image, doesn't it?
Well, it certainly does.
Did, uh, Nelson find a model?
- Well, yes, but...
- Well, how does she look?
Beautiful figure?
- Fantastic legs.
- Oh...
There's an ostrich in my office.
Yeah, she's the model
for the new ad campaign.
That's right, Mr. Drysdale.
Here's the layout.
Are you out of your mind?
I'm not posing with
that goofy looking bird.
Say, you know, it would be
a better picture without you.
- What?
- Just a big close-up
of the ostrich looking
right in the camera.
- A real attention-getter.
- You're fired!
Now take that thing
back to its owner.
Okay.
Here you are, Mr. Drysdale.
Her name is Miriam.
What's the idea?
- You're the owner.
- Me?
To make sure that
she'd be available
for the whole campaign,
the bank had to buy her.
Take good care of her.
Cost you $2,000.
Bye.
I'll send my bill in the mail.
What am I gonna
do with an ostrich?
- You can give her to the zoo.
- Give?
I want my money
out of this thing.
Well, we can advertise,
but meanwhile where
are we gonna keep her?
Miss Hathaway, I've
often heard you mention
how lonely it is
in your apartment.
How would you like
to have a roommate?
- Oh, Chief!
- Well, think it over.
I understand a pet bird
can be a lot of company.
Chief, I can't keep an
ostrich in my tiny apartment.
- Move into a larger one.
- Now, really!
All right, have
somebody take it up
and put it in my
garage temporarily,
- but get those ads going.
- Yes, sir.
Sh-Shall I buy one
large ad or a series...
Buy nothing.
Every supermarket
has a free bulletin board.
I've got enough money tied
up in that feathered freak.
For sale... one
ostrich... At cost, $2,500.
Twenty-five?
Our time is worth something.
Twenty-five...
hundred... dollars.
Come back with my hair!
Ravenswood, what
a magnificent tomato.
Wherever did you find it?
Right at your front door.
The greengrocer's truck.
That's exactly what I want.
How would you like it prepared?
Oh, it's not to eat.
I hope it will discourage Granny
from trying to grow her own.
By doggies, Mrs. Drysdale,
this is a fine tomato.
Surely Granny will realize
she can't possibly grow anything
as large as this.
Oh, it's a whopper, all right.
I never seen one to
beat it, even back home.
Where'd you grow this?
I didn't have to grow it.
The butler got it from
our vegetable man,
right at the front door.
Hmm. Mind if I
show it to Granny?
Please do. I hope
it'll convince her
that all this digging and
planting is a waste of time.
She'll never produce
a prize-winning tomato.
Mrs. Drysdale growed this?
Well, she let it slip that her
butler and vegetable man
done the work, but they
growed it out by her front door.
And you can bet your
boots she'll take credit for it
at the county fair.
Now, we ain't sure that she...
I know that spiteful woman.
She'd do anything to beat me.
Why, she never cared
shucks about growing nothin'
- till she seen me do it.
- That's true.
Well, we'll see
who wins first prize.
Where you going?
I'm gonna stir me up
the doggonedest batch
of tomato-growin'
tonic you ever seen.
Didn't know you had one.
I don't.
I'm gonna invent one.
And by the time
the fair rolls around,
my tomatoes will
make that thing look
like a bloodshot gooseberry!
Granny, that's about all them
tomatoes can take right now.
Your tonic is puddling
up on the ground.
Douse 'em again.
Well, why not let
it soak in overnight
and give 'em some
more in the morning?
I'll make another
batch in the morning.
Them tomatoes have
got to be force growed.
You can only push nature so fer.
Don't you tell me what I can do.
It's coming on for dark.
We'll get lanterns.
Your tonic's
commencin' to run off.
If we pour on any more,
it'll just run over into
Mrs. Drysdale's yard.
All right.
We'll start again at sunup.
Aw, Granny.
You be here with your
bucket at the crack of dawn.
I'm kind of sorry I showed
Granny Mrs. Drysdale's tomato.
Sure put grit in her gizzard.
Never seen her so worked up.
She's plumb wild-eyed.
Well, we got to
remember that back home
Granny used to win a lot
of prizes with her tomatoes.
And she was countin' big
on showing up
these Californy folks.
Yeah. Mrs. Drysdale whupped
her 'fore she even got started.
I wouldn't do no
laughing around Granny.
You'd be sleeping
horse-style tonight.
What you mean?
Standin' up.
Milburn. Milburn.
Wake up.
Wh-Wha-What?
Someone's trying to
break into our garage.
Garage?
Yes, I can hear them
pounding on the door.
Oh, that's the ostrich.
Ostrich?!
She'll quiet down.
Go back to bed.
See? I told you
she'd quiet down.
What's an ostrich
doing in our garage?!
Waxing the car.
Now get back to bed.
'Tain't the sun, Earl.
Just my lantern.
But it'll be coming
up pretty soon.
You go roust the
rest of the family.
I want to see how much
my tomatoes has growed.
You was good sized yesterday.
You really ought to
be a whopper by...
Where'd you go?
Chicken tracks!
They ate my prize tomatoes.
When I get my hands on you,
you're gonna be chicken stew.
Aha! I got you.
Now you're gonna get...
My growin' tonic.
Can't be.
I didn't see no big chicken.
I didn't feel no big chicken.
I just got up too early.
Morning, Granny.
Morning, Jed.
My, that coffee smells good.
Yeah. Well, there's
another pot on the stove.
I finished this one.
That's a heap of coffee.
Well, I want to make
sure I'm good awake
when I go out to
look at my tomatoes.
You're gonna be awake
for the next three days.
Well, come on, let's
go look at the tomatoes.
Oh, wait now, Jed.
You just sit there
and have your coffee.
I want to see 'em alone first.
How come?
Well, they's my tomatoes, and...
they was doused with
my growin' tonic, and...
Well, uh, never mind.
Now y-you just stay there.
Funny, the things you
think you see in the dark.
Ha.
Seven-foot chicken.
Drumsticks like that.
Everything looks
different in the daylight.
Sure did seem real
last night, though.
Here I was walking along and
all of a sudden there was that...
seven-foot chicken.
Oh, no.
I turned a sweet little
hen into a monster.
You can only push nature so fer.
Well, it ain't my fault.
Why didn't you stay
out of my tomato patch?
That tonic has growed
you all out of shape.
It's not that you
ain't good-looking.
It's just that you're
kind of different.
Your middle hasn't caught up
with your neck or
your drumsticks.
I don't want to be
around when it does.
Now, don't you worry.
I'm gonna invent something
to shrink you back to size.
But until I do, I got to find
some place to hide you.
Now, you stay right here.
I can put you in Drysdale's
garage till they get up.
Then I'll... Where'd you go?
Oh, no!
Get out of there!
Don't drink that!
That's the stuff that did it
to you, you crazy chicken.
I'm sorry, I guess you don't
feel too happy
about this neither.
Come on, I got a place
to hide you for a spell.
Can't figure out what Granny's
doing down there all this time.
I thought she'd
have us out there
sloshing on tomato
tonic at sunup.
Well, she was kind
of upset this morning.
She... She went
out of here... Boy?
Huh?
How many bowls you had now?
Just one.
One?
Yes, sir.
Filled it five times, but
this is the only bowl.
There she is.
Oh, hi, Granny. How
your tomatoes look?
Did they grow much?
No. No, they didn't.
Well, we'll go right
down and tonic 'em.
Come on, Jethro.
No, no! Wait.
That tonic didn't do so good.
I got to make up a new batch.
Oh, good.
That'll give me time for
a couple more helpings.
No, no, no, you won't.
I want everybody
out of my kitchen.
Well, I'll go feed the chickens.
No, no, no, no!
I'll do that.
Well, there's plenty other
chores around the place.
Come on, young'uns.
Oh, uh... I just remembered.
I need some stuff
for my new tonic.
Y'all go get it for me.
What do you need?
- Pasadena berries.
- Pasadena berries?
I never heard of them.
What do they look like?
You'll find out when
you get to Pasadena.
Go out the front door.
It's closer to Pasadena.
- Huh?
- What?
Well, she's right, young'uns.
Uh, come on, let's go.
Now, look, high-pockets,
I'm gonna do everything I can.
But you got to stay
where I put you.
If there's one
thing I can't abide,
it's a pushy chicken!
Now, wait right there!
Forget it, Earl.
Well, I reckon you young'uns
are smart enough to see
right through Granny's business
about the Pasadena berries.
- Sure, Pa.
- Heck, yeah.
Good.
Want to take along some baskets
for the berries or pick
'em up in Pasadena?
Jethro, there
ain't no such thing.
Yes, they is.
That's where they
hold the Rose Parade.
Pa's talking about berries.
Oh.
Now, we all know that there's
something mighty powerful
vexing Granny, or she wouldn't
have gone to such trouble
to get shed of us.
Now, the way I got it figured...
Uncle Jed, can't
we talk about this
on the way to Pasadena?
Boy, we ain't going to Pasadena.
How else we gonna
get Pasadena berries?
Jethro, Granny just said
that to get us out of the house
so we wouldn't find
out what's got her
jumpy as a grasshopper
in a chicken pen.
Now, the way I got it figured,
it's got something to
do with the tomatoes,
so let's get around
back and take a look.
Uh, before we go to Pasadena?
Yeah.
Uh, oh, w-want me to
get some berry baskets?
No.
Well, wait, where
are we gonna put 'em?
How about your hat?
Oh, I ain't wearin' no hat.
Well, get one, because
a brain like yours
ought to be protected.
Thanks, Uncle Jed.
Beg pardon, sir. Miss
Hathaway to see you.
- Good morning, Chief.
- Morning.
Sit down and have some coffee.
I'll get some fresh.
I wanted to bring
you the good news.
We have two possible
buyers for the ostrich.
- Wonderful!
- Where is it?
In the garage.
No, I just looked there.
The side door is open,
and the ostrich is gone.
Gone?!
I'm afraid so.
Stolen!
So that's what I
heard last night.
Somebody broke in
and took my $2,000 bird.
Call the police.
Well, now, Chief, maybe
it got out and wandered off.
Don't you think we
should look for it first?
Is it insured?
I'm afraid not.
Well, then we'll look for it.
Now, you cover
the Benson estate,
I'll take the Clampetts',
and Ravenswood,
you search our grounds.
Very good, sir.
Uh, beg pardon, sir.
What are we hunting for?
Ostrich!
Wouldn't we have
better luck in Africa, sir?
Dad-blamed pushy chicken!
Now, look, I'm
doing the best I can.
I'm working agin time
trying to come up
with a chicken shrinker.
Don't look at me like that.
I know you got a
right to be upset,
and I know I hadn't ought
to meddle with nature,
but give me a chance!
Big overgrowed pullet!
Now, look, you ain't helping any
by standing there
kicking on that...!
All right, you can
come in and watch.
By doggies, the
ripe ones is all gone.
It wasn't my chickens
that got 'em, honest, Pa.
I know that.
They couldn't even
reach them high ones.
Well, maybe the crows got 'em.
There was a big
one here yesterday.
Yeah, that could be.
He brung a bunch of
his friends over here
and had a tomato party.
Looky here, Uncle Jed.
Ain't nothing left
hanging on the vines
except these little
old green rascals.
Jethro, you hadn't
oughta picked 'em.
Well, how else was I
gonna fetch 'em to you,
unless I ripped up the vines?
What's the matter
with you this morning?
Nothing, 'cept I'm awful hungry.
Hungry? You had
five bowls of flakes.
That's just it. I never
got to finish breakfast.
Now we know what's
got Granny all upset.
Yeah, she ain't gonna
win no prize with these.
Well, young'uns, we got
to go down to the store
and get Granny the best
tomatoes we can find.
Well, she ain't
likely to win no prize
with store-bought
tomatoes neither.
No, but we can make her
think she could have won,
and sometimes
that's just as good.
Hey, Uncle Jed, are we gonna
go to the store before we go
to Pasadena and pick berries?
Jethro, try to get this
through your head:
we ain't going to
Pasadena to pick berries.
Now come on.
Let's go to the store.
Oh, I see.
We're gonna buy
'em ready-picked.
Well, I hope this does it.
I put all my scientific know-how
into this one shrinking pill.
And if it don't work, well,
we won't talk about that.
So, cross your
fingers or your feathers
or whatever you do and hope
for the best, 'cause here we go.
You need some water
to help you swallow it?
Mr. Clampett! Granny!
Anyone home?
Come on, come on. Get it down!
You got to shrink
back to chicken size
'fore anybody sees ya!
Hello? Where is everybody?
We'll never make it.
Come on! I got to hide you.
Move, you big cluck!
Anybody here?
Now stay in there
and keep quiet!
Mr. Drysdale,
how nice to see ya.
You must come again sometime.
Bye!
Granny, I want to talk to you.
Are you alone?
Just me and the chicken...
Uh, just us chickens.
Well, I want to know if
you've seen my ostrich.
- Your what?
- Ostrich.
It cost me $2,000.
Oh, it must be a dandy.
You can take me for
a ride in it tomorrow.
Keep quiet in there!
Gran-Granny, I-I guess you
don't know what an ostrich is.
No, and I don't
care. Now I'm busy.
What was that?
- Somebody at the side door.
- Oh.
Well, I just wanted to see if
you've seen a great big bird
about so high with a long neck,
black feathers and long legs.
Have you?
Why, yes, it was in my garage.
- You seen it?
- Yes!
You're having visions. I
got to answer the door!
They got tired of waiting.
That's terrible. I'll
speak to them about it.
No! I'll tend to it.
Now, you get out, or I
won't have no house left!
Oh, no.
The pill didn't work!
You're just as big as ever!
Now, young'uns, we got
to make Granny believe
that her growing tonic turned
them little green tomatoes
into these since this morning.
Reckon she'll swallow it, Pa?
It's worth a try.
She'll always believe if it
hadn't been for them crows
eating the big'uns,
she'd have won the first
prize sure as shooting.
Hey, looky yonder. What's that?
Granny?
What's she riding?
Whoa, girl, whoa!
Granny, what in
tarnation is going on?
Jed, I might not win no
prize for my tomatoes,
but wait till them judges
take a look at my chicken!
Giddyap!
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.