The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 2, Episode 4 - Elly Starts to School - full transcript

♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪

♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪

♪ And then one day he
was shootin' at some food ♪

♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubblin' crude ♪

Oil, that is.

Black gold.

Texas tea.

♪ Well the first thing you
know ol' Jed's a millionaire ♪

♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪

♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪

♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪

Hills, that is.

Swimmin' pools, movie stars.

I ain't a-goin', and
you can't make me go!

Elly May, you come back
here now, and do as I say!

Get her, Jed, get her!

Make her mind ya!

Doggone it, Duke, I
sure would like to know

what all this
excitement's about.

Wish I was done eatin'.

You might as well give up, Jed.

She's made it to the big tree.

Granny, I'm goin' up after her

and bring her down.

That's a mighty tall tree, Jed.

And she's goi" plumb to the top.

Granny, this is somethin'

that can't be put off no longer.

That girl has got
to start to school.

Look, Duke.

For Elly May to take to
that girls' finishin' school.

I reckon you ain't much
interested in school.

You'd rather be chasin' a
raccoon up a tree, wouldn't ya?

I'm afraid Elly would, too.

Well, hello, Granny.

Did you get her into a dress?

I did.

Got her hair up in braids, too.

I kinda favor Elly May's hair

hangin' down nice
and loose and pretty.

Oh, Jed, she's
commencin' to school,

and a schoolgirl should
wear her hair in braids.

How come?

That's so the boy
that sets behind her

can stick her
pigtails in the inkwell.

That's how they get acquainted.

That might work all
right back in the hills,

but here in the city,
things is a mite different.

Boys is boys and girls is girls,

city or country.

I'll betcha Elly May has a boy

totin' her books home tonight.

Well, I'm afraid not, Granny.

You see, the school
where Elly's goin',

there ain't no boys there.

What kind of a
fool school is that?!

Shh.

Don't want Mrs.
Drysdale to hear ya.

It was her idea.

I might've known it.

That woman is a troublemaker.

She never did
cotton to us livin' here,

and she's up to somethin' now.

I'm gonna learn her to
mind her own business!

Now, hold on there.

Hold on, back up.

Mrs. Drysdale done
Elly May a favor

to get her into that school.

That's what you call
a girls' finishin' school.

Without any boys, I don't know

how they even get started!

Well, here I am, Pa.

Elly May, you are
prettier than sun-up!

And you wanna waste
her on a school full o' girls.

Come on in and see
yourself in the lookin' glass.

Pa, do I have to wear a dress?

Elly May, that's the dress

that your Aunt
Pearl made for ya.

Yeah, this is all
hand work, Elly.

Pearl spent four weeks on this.

And 50 cents in cash.

Ah, Elly May, you
just be thankful.

Why, there won't be a girl

in that exclusive
finishin' school

with a dress like this'n.

Or like the lunch
I fixed for ya.

I even throwed in a
su'prise for the teacher:

a nice, big, fat
baked ol' possum.

Swimmin' in gopher gravy.

I tell ya, Elly May,

you're gonna cut a wide
path through that school.

Pa, why can't I wear my
regular clothes to school?

Because this is Beverly Hills,

and girls is... Jed
Clampett speakin'.

Oh, howdy there, Mrs. Drysdale.

Well, yes, she's just
about ready to go now,

but she's wantin' to wear
her ol' pants and shirt,

and I told her that... It is?

Well, that sure is
gonna pleasure Elly.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Drysdale.

Bye.

Mrs. Drysdale
said it'd be just fine

for you to wear your
ol' pants and shirt

to that exclusive
finishin' school.

Miss Hathaway!

Oh, wait a minute,
Chief, your wife is here.

Yes, I know you'll
want to... Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello, hello to you!

Oh.

Any news from Milburn?

Oh, yes, yes,
he'll be in Friday.

Oh, good.

I rather imagine the Clampetts

will have moved away by then.

Moved away? What have
you done, Mrs. Drysdale?

Only what you and Milburn

have been urging me
to do... "be helpful".

I recommended a
school to Mr. Clampett

for his daughter, Elly May.

Oh, well, that was
very ni... What school?

One befitting the daughter

of a Beverly Hills
multimillionaire.

Our most exclusive
private finishing school.

Not the Willows!

Where else?

You and Milburn
keep reminding me

that under her blue
jeans and faded shirt,

Elly May is as good as anyone.

She is, but those
girls at the Willows

are insufferable snobs!

They'll cut her to ribbons!

Well, don't blame
me if she finds herself

beyond her social
and intellectual depth.

I've been saying from the first

that the Clampetts
didn't belong.

I've tried to spare them
this, uh, humiliation.

You are all heart.

They must be on their
way to the Willows.

After the reception
they get there,

I rather imagine
they'll be on their way

to the hills or the... caves

or wherever it is
they came from.

Mrs. Drysdale, this may
cost me my position here,

but there is
something I must say.

You... are a fink.

♪ This is the way
we go to school ♪

♪ Go to school,
finishin' school ♪

♪ This is the way
we go to school ♪

♪ With a possum
for the teacher. ♪

Cynthia, I still do not approve

of your attending school
in such casual attire.

None of the other girls

are wearing slacks
and sweatshirt.

Oh, Mama, relax.

The other girls look
to me to set the pace.

Tomorrow, everyone'll be
wearing mink sweatshirts.

And then, of course, I
shall switch to chinchilla.

Do you want Mother to go
in and help you enroll, dear?

Oh, no, darling.

I'm taking the same
subjects as last year.

Golf, fencing, tennis, riding,

history... and-and water skiing.

Oh, do try to stick with
it this time, Cynthia.

You're becoming a
finishing school dropout.

Toodle-oo.

Who ran that up for you, Cynth?

My couturier, but, of
course, the idea was mine.

Oh, pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle,

je cherche
Mademoiselle Clampett.

Uh, well, I'm afraid my
French is a little rusty.

I am from Haute Couture,

ze famous Parisian
fashion magazine.

Oh, well, this is
my own concept.

Well, we cannot all
be creative, n'est pas?

Oh, but getting back to
Mademoiselle Clampett.

We understand she's
enrolling here today,

and naturellement, she'll
set a new style trend,

just as she always does.

Clampett?

Oh, yes.

They-they have just moved here

from their mountain chateau.

They're ghastly
rich, swimming in oil,

complete,

uh, non-conformists,
fiercely original.

They sometimes
weave their own cloth.

Oh, well, that is original.

Shh!

I think she is arriving.

♪ This is the way
we go to school ♪

♪ With a possum
for the teacher ♪

In that old truck?

Oh, that must be part
of the overall motif.

She spares no expense
to create total effect.

Well, here you are, Elly.

Want us to go in with you,
see you get a good desk?

I'll be all right, Pa.

I see Miss Jane up
yonder by the porch.

Eh, bet you Mrs.
Drysdale sent her over,

see Elly feels at home.

She's just wearing blue jeans

and a shirt and
a rope for a belt.

How basic.

How understated.

How Zen.

She looks like a hillbilly.

Voila!

You've given this
new vogue a name!

It will sweep Paris
like-like wildfire!

I must run and
get my sketch pad.

Here's your possum, Elly.

And remember, when
you give it to the teacher,

don't slop no hot
gopher gravy on her.

I won't, Granny.

Bye-bye, Elly.

Bye, Elly. Bye, Elly.

Bye.

Learn your cipherin', Elly.

And be a good girl.

Bye-bye.

Cynthia, she's
carrying a... bucket.

Yes. It's the ultimate
simplicity in purses.

Next week, Jackie
Kennedy will have one.

Here she comes now.

Oh, I do hope she
will remember me.

It would be such a thrill.

Well, howdy there, Miss Jane.

Sure is good to see you here.

Oh.

She remembers me.

Oh, Mademoiselle Clampett.

C'est si ravissant!

C'est un si grand honneur.

Gosh almighty, I can't
figure a word you're saying.

That is what I
call "total effect."

She has even
mastered the accent.

S'il vous plaît.

Vous etes formidable.

She's your daughter, Jed.

And I ain't one for telling
you how to raise her

or where to send her to school.

Unless of course,
you was to ask me.

If you want to send Elly May
to school where there's no boys,

that's your business.

And you ain't gonna
get one word out of me.

Unless you ask.

Granny... You're
making a mistake!

Pa.

Howdy there, Miss Jane.

Elly May, you didn't spend
no time at all at school.

Well, I know, Pa.

I met just one girl, then Miss
Jane said we'd ought to leave.

Well, I thought it best to...

Elly May, you didn't give
the teacher her possum!

Well, Miss Jane wouldn't let me.

What? Oh.

Well, you-you see, Granny,
there are a dozen teachers,

and I was afraid
they'd fight over it.

Well, she's right.

One possum wouldn't hardly
feed no more than two people.

That's right.

I'll get busy, and tomorrow
I'll bake you six possums.

Miss Jane said I hadn't
ought to go back tomorrow.

Why not?

Well, I...

You mean Elly May ain't good
enough for them other girls?

Oh, it's not that!

Let's have the truth, now.

Well, if you want the truth,

they are not good
enough for her.

Elly May, don't you
listen to that kind of talk.

Miss Jane, we don't
hold with some folks

thinking they's
better than others!

Mr. Clampett, not
everyone feels that way.

Anyone can get a
spiteful spell now and then.

Yeah, now, you
take Mrs. Drysdale.

For a time there,
she was treating us

like we was
polecats at a picnic.

But just yesterday,
she turned real nice,

and she told me about
that school for Elly to go to.

I can see this is
going to take time,

and I must get
back to the office.

Now, don't let Elly May
have anything more to do

with those girls at the Willows.

I declare, I never thought

Miss Jane would put on airs!

Me, neither.

Elly May, I hope them
girls over to the school

didn't get the feeling that
you held yourself above 'em.

Well, I hope not, too, Pa.

Why don't you invite the
whole kit and kaboodle of 'em

over here for a possum supper.

Granny, I just met one girl.

Cynthia Fenwick.

Well invite Cynthia
and her whole family.

I'll do it, Pa!

Oh, Cynthia, darling.

Hi, Mummy, darling.

Homework tonight,
forehand volley.

Cynthia, the most ghastly person
has been phoning for you today.

Mummy, I don't even
know any ghastly persons.

Precisely what I said.

I said, "See here,
Miss Clampett,

you ghastly person..."

Clampett! Elly May
Clampett has been calling me?

Yes, and she had the cheek
to invite us to her home.

I suspect a kidnap plot.

She has the strangest accent.

Mummy, the Clampetts
are the avant-garde

social leaders of the season!

Are you serious?

Mm, dreadfully serious.

You mean, we should accept?

Don't just accept.

Call them immediately
and beg to be invited!

Beasley, where is
the nearest phone?

Front seat or back?

Front seat.

I tell you, Granny,
I never talked

to nobody so pitiful anxious

to come for vittles
as them Fenwicks.

They must have fell
on hard times, Jed.

Well, that could be.

You know, it turns out,
she's a widow woman.

Oh, Elly May, Ms.
Fenwick called back,

and she's coming for
supper, her and Cynthia.

Oh, good, Pa.

Cynthia sure looked like
she could use some vittles.

Powerful skinny girl.

I told you, Jed, they
fell on hard times.

That's a fact.

Cynthia was wearing
the oldest-looking clothes

I ever did see.

She was?

Had on a fur

she must have
outgrowed 15 years ago.

It barely come to her middle.

And her pants had been
wore till they was plumb shiny!

Her ma's in worse
shape than she is.

That poor old widow
ain't got nothing to wear.

You don't say!

Well, it must have shamed
her something terrible

to have to say it, but
right on the telephone,

she asked me, did she
have to dress for dinner?

Cynthia, I have always tried

to indulge your every whim.

I have been a very generous,

and I've been a very
understanding mother,

but I refuse to go to
dinner in blue jeans!

Oh, Mummy, either we go dressed

in the height of fashion,

or I shall hold my
breath until I turn purple!

And think how that will go
with this orange peignoir!

Oh!

But, dear, they're not
showing blue jeans.

Not in Vogue, not in Harpers.

And every couturier we've
called has hung up on us.

Now, how can they
be fashionable?

Because Elly May
Clampett has decreed it!

Think of it, Mummy.

We can wear them
before Princess Grace

and Jackie Kennedy!

Ooh!

Are they going to be at
the Clampetts' dinner?

No, Mummy,

and neither will we, unless
I can find some blue jeans.

I best call Elly May,

and explain why
we're running late.

Why sure, Cynthi, you and
your ma just take your time.

That's all right.

Bye.

Pa, you sure was right about
them folks being hard up.

They's gonna be late

because they can't
find clothes to wear.

Elly May, you're thinking
about the same thing I am.

Take 'em some of mine?

Providing it's done in a way

that don't rob
them of their pride.

Jethro, I want you
to drive Elly May.

She's going over to the Fenwicks

to take them some clothes.

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, they can have
some of mine, too.

Mine, too.

That's the spirit!

Come on, Jethro!

Hey, Jethro, you sure
this is the right place?

It's awful little.

Yeah, this is
it, all right, Elly.

Says right on it, Fenwick House.

I reckon no one's home.

That's good. We can
leave these clothes

without shaming 'em none.

Yeah, I'll set 'em
right inside the door.

Lookit, Elly, just one
teensy little room.

And not a stick
of furniture in it.

Hey, and look.

They's trying to
grow a little garden

right here in this box.

No wonder poor
Cynthia's so thin.

There ain't enough in
there to feed a baby rabbit!

Cynthia... perhaps we
could buy blue jeans

already made at, um...
What do they call it?

Um, a clothing store.

What do you think of that?

Oh, Mummy!

Well, you needn't
be crude about it!

The butler's buzzing.

Yes, Jason?

Mummy, are you expecting a call?

There seems to be
someone at the gatehouse.

No, dear.

No, Jason.

Mummy! The gatehouse!

The gardeners sometimes
leave work clothes there!

Surely, you're not
suggesting that...

This is an emergency.

I shall dash right
down to the gatehouse

and have a look!

Jason, have the car
brought around immediately.

It would have broke your
heart to see where they live.

Their whole house ain't no
bigger than a chicken coop.

They don't even
have a place to roost!

Not one stick of furniture!

And no vittles except
some little old greens

they was trying
to grow in a box.

Pitiful, just pitiful.

You know, I always wondered
why the Lord give us so much,

but I reckon this is the reason.

He wanted us to share
with poor, needy folks

like the widow Fenwick
and her young'un.

Now, Elly May brought
'em some clothes,

Granny is gonna
give 'em some food.

What they need
now is furnishings

for that poor, little
house of theirs.

Now quick, let's load up
the truck before they get here.

Granny and Elly, you get some
dishes and some eating tools.

Jethro and me'll
find some furniture.

I want you young'uns
to learn something now

that I hope will abide with you

for the rest of your days.

"The greatest joy of living

is the joy that
comes from giving."

It worked.

They're moving!

The Clampetts
are actually moving!

Sure they only got
room for one bed, Jethro?

Just barely.

Reckon it'll be big
enough for the both of 'em?

All I hear from Elly,

that Cynthia
Fenwick is so skinny,

you couldn't hit her
with a handful of corn.

Yoo-hoo, Mr. Clampett!

I thought I saw you
moving things out.

I hope you're not angry

over Elly May's
experience at The Willows...

but, apparently, it
did open your eyes.

It sure did.

We didn't know there was people

like the Fenwicks
in Beverly Hills.

The Fenwicks?

Did Elly May meet
Cynthia Fenwick?

Yes, ma'am. That's how come

we's loading all this
stuff... Now, Jethro,

no use robbing
folks of their pride.

He's right, Jethro,
the less said the better.

Just load up and go.

We's hurrying quick as we can.

Let me help.

Well, that's mighty
neighborly of you.

I'll go see how Granny
and Elly's getting along

in the kitchen.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

who is the most
understated and Zen of all?

You, Cynthia Fenwick,
you little darling.

Come to the mirror, Mums.

Let's see how you look.

I can't look.

I just can't.

Don't be silly.

Now, here's your bucket.

Bucket?

Well, it's part of
the Clampett look.

Now, of course, you must
picture your hair in braids.

Oh, really.

Jason, come quickly.

Bring some cold champagne
to pour over Mummy.

It doesn't matter.

Any vintage year will do.

By doggies, I never seen a woman

so overcome with the spirit
of giving as Mrs. Drysdale.

She's still toting things out.

I wish she'd get the spirit

and start giving some
of her own things.

Yeah, if she don't let up
soon, I may hint about that.

Jed Clampett speaking.

Oh, well, howdy
there, Miss Cynthia.

Y'all coming over today?

Well, I'm afraid
Mummy's not well.

Might we have a rain check?

Why, you bet you you can.

Just a minute.

Granny, is it
gonna rain tonight?

All the signs point to it.

Granny says yes.

You'd best keep your ma
inside and in the dry tonight.

Yes, well, I-I shall.

How about tomorrow?

Just a minute.

How about tomorrow, Granny?

Fair and sunny.

Granny says
tomorrow will be fine.

Y'all come over and
spend the whole day.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Clampett.

Thank you and bless you.

We are so deeply grateful to you

for your kindness
and understanding.

Well, I'd, I'd really
just love to say more,

but Mummy has fainted
and I must attend to her.

Well, yes, ma'am, you do that.

Them Fenwicks is so overcome

by that little show
of kindness of ours

that, uh, Cynthia
is just about bawling

and the widow fainted dead away.

Uncle Jed, you'd best
come see to Mrs. Drysdale.

I'm afraid she's going
to strain something

working the way she is.

Yeah, I'll tend to that, Jethro.

You get the truck under cover

before it rains.

Oh.

Elly, we got to get upstairs
and close them windows.

Whoa, whoa, Mrs. Drysdale,
hold on there, hold on.

Tomorrow's another day.

You will continue
moving tomorrow,

you promise?

We's gonna spend the whole day

just making the Fenwicks happy.

And me.

I'll come here early to help.

Well, why don't you
just rest up tomorrow?

You must be all tuckered out.

No, no, I shall be here early.

Never did see such a change
of heart come over a woman.

Jed... Jed!

Jed! Oh, Granny,
let's have vittles early

so we can all
get to sleep early.

Tomorrow's a big day.

Ain't none of us going

to get to sleep early
tonight, Jed Clampett.

Why not?

Mrs. Drysdale's done
emptied out all 12 bedrooms.

♪ Well, now its time
to say good-bye ♪

♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪

♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪

♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪

♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪

♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality. ♪

Hillbilly that is.

Set a spell.

Take your shoes off.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

This has been a
Filmways Presentation.