The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 2, Episode 30 - The House of Granny - full transcript
The Clampetts try to turn their newly acquired Beverly Hills dress boutique, The House of Renee, into a country store, The House of Granny.
♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
(banjo playing "Reveille")
(metallic clanging)
Jethro!
Did you go back to bed again?
Now you get down here!
It's pretty near daybreak!
I'm up, Granny.
You been up twice before!
Now if you ain't dressed
and down here in five minutes,
you'll go without breakfast!
Morning, Uncle Jed.
Boy, I sure did
sleep up a appetite.
Hold on, boy, wait a minute.
Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Jed.
Is these yours?
Them is sugar pine shavings.
They sure do got
more names for cereals.
Sugar pine shavings
ain't one of them.
Corn Flakes is over there.
Have them for breakfast.
Mmm, yes, sir,
them's my favorite.
Elly May, ain't you up yet?
Yes'm, Granny, I'm up.
It ain't even daylight yet.
The lazy days of
lolling around in bed
until sunup is over.
We own a store now,
and we have to get
into town to mind it.
Well, Granny, I
don't hardly think
the stores in Beverly
Hills open this early.
Why especially at one
of them fancy dress stores
like The House of Renée.
When the Clampetts own a store,
it's gonna open at decent hour.
At the crack of dawn.
Yes'm, Granny.
You see, we'll change it
from The House of Renée
to The House of Granny.
JETHRO: That'll gonna
make her real proud.
Yeah, we'll
surprise her with it.
Uncle Jed, after we
get the sign put up,
what's there gonna
be left for us to do
around a woman's dress store?
Oh, we'll see.
Generally speaking, there's
a lot of chores connected
with runni" a business.
Layin' in supplies,
countin' money,
waitin' on folks.
Miss Jane said advertisin'
is real important now.
You mean like puttin' up signs?
Yes, sir.
I could make a sign,
carry it all over
Beverly Hills sayin',
"Follow me to Granny's store."
The House of Granny.
Oh, yes, sir.
Jed Clampett, you makin'
a slingshot at your age.
This ain't no slingshot, Granny.
What is it, then?
"Y."
'Cause I ask, that's why.
Now you get over here
and eat your cereal.
But, Granny, them's
sugar pine shavings.
I ain't gonna eat them.
Well, then why
did you fix yourself
such a big helpin'? I didn't.
Them is shavings from
Uncle Jed's whittlin'.
What's he whittlin'?
A "Y."
A-'cause I want to
know, that's a-why.
And one more sassy
answer out of you
and I'm gonna box
your jaws for you.
Uncle Jed, don't just sit
there grinnin', help me.
The boy didn't mean
to sass you, Granny.
Uh, what I'm
whittli" is a letter.
Why? That's it.
That's what I been
tryin' to say... "Y."
You're raisin' your
voice to me again, boy.
Tell you what,
whilst you're gettin'
Elly May dressed
and fed and all, uh,
Jethro and me'll take
a quick run downtown
to open up the
store, lay a fire,
and sweep out
and things like that.
And I'll get some glue
and, uh, stick "Granny"
upside the wall.
What did you say?
The boy ain't really
awake yet, Granny.
Come on. I'll wake him
with a hickory stick!
That's what I'll do.
That's the trouble with
the young'uns today.
They ain't got took to
the woodshed enough,
learned some
respect for their elders.
"Spare the rod
and spoil the child."
Truest words was ever spoken.
Morning, Granny.
Elly May,
how long has it been since
you had a good whuppin'?
Well, I can't remember.
That's I thought. (gasps)
Well, what was that for?
Insurance.
An ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure.
Now you sit down, honey,
and Granny'll fix
you a nice breakfast.
My, but you're
pretty this mornin'.
Why, you put the
sunrise to shame.
Looks to me like there
ain't a soul stirrin', Uncle Jed.
Yeah. I reckon
we're gettin' the jump
on these other storekeepers.
Pays to start early.
But if there's nobody up,
who's gonna buy from us?
Well, it'll take a little
while for folks to find out.
Maybe we can have
a "early bird" sale...
Nickel or a dime off
on every dress bought
before 6:00 in the morning.
Yep, that'll bring 'em in.
Yeah, there's a good
lesson for you, Jethro,
for all young'uns.
If you're willin' to
get up a little earlier,
work a little harder,
think a little smarter
than the next fella,
folks'll take notice of you.
Yes, sir.
I reckon we can
leave "The House of"
and knock off the "Renée."
Yes, sir.
Jethro, did we get
keys to our store?
Not that I know of.
Want me to bust it open?
No, I reckon I
can pick this lock.
Uh, Uncle Jed,
remember what you told
me about gettin' up early
and workin' harder and smarter
so folks'll take notice? Yeah.
Well, you sure enough was right.
Somebody done took
notice. They have?
Yeah. Just turn
around, look behind you.
Morning, Mr. Policeman.
Morning.
I was tellin' the boy
here on the way over,
uh, get an early enough
start and you can get to jump
on these Beverly
Hills storekeepers.
Yes, sir, that's what he said.
Yeah, well, you got the
jump on them all right.
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, both of you, turn around,
put your hands up
against that door,
and lean forward.
We don't want to bust it down.
Jethro thought of that,
but I told him I
could pick the lock.
Just put your hands against
the door like I told you.
(alarm ringing)
Hey, the phone's
ringing in there.
I better get back
to work on this lock.
That's the burglar alarm.
You mean somebody's
trying to rob this store?
Yeah, wise guy.
Quick, Jethro, bust down
the door... let's stop them.
Don't move!
Joe!
Look, Mr. Policeman, I better
explain something to you...
We own this store.
Oh, sure you do.
Sure you do. Yeah, yeah.
Joe, bring bracelets
for these two.
Bracelets?
No thank you, Mr. Policeman.
We sell dresses, but
we don't wear jewelry.
Hurry up, Joe.
Elly May!
Any sign of Jethro?!
Not yet, Granny.
Probably lollygaggin' someplace.
I should've hickory-sticked
that boy this morning.
He was askin' for it and
I should've give it to him.
Granny, maybe they so many
customers down to the store
that Pa couldn't spare
Jethro to come and get us.
Can't sell anything until
we bring these things in.
Granny, you ain't
fixin' to sell my dress
Aunt Pearl made for me.
No, Elly May.
We's gonna put
this outside the store
to draw the women in.
Oh, hang it on one of
them there dummies.
Yeah.
Where is that boy?
(phone rings)
Hello?
Jethro!
Where are you lollygaggin' at?
Well, you just get
yourself out of that jail.
Jail?!
Uncle Jed and me got
arrested by the police.
Is both of you in jail?
Who's mindin' the store?
Well, nobody, Granny.
Gee whiz, I just told
you we got arrested.
A policeman pulled a gun on us
and brung us here to jail.
Heck fire!
Jethro, give me that phone
before I get my arm tore off.
Arm tore off?! (gasps)
Elly, fetch our guns.
The police are
torturing your pa.
Hold on, Jed, we'll be
right down to help you.
No, no, Granny.
Now listen careful
'cause we's only allowed
to make one telephone call.
Get ahold of Mr. Drysdale
and tell him we's in jail,
he'll know what to do.
Now, hurry, Granny.
Elly, run next door
and tell Mr. Drysdale to
get your pa out of jail, quick.
Well, it's quicker
to phone, Granny.
No, no, no, no.
Your pa says we's only
allowed one telephone call
and they've done
made it. Now scoot.
Yes'm, Granny.
("Rock-a-Bye Baby" playing)
ELLY MAY: Mr. Drysdale!
Mr. Drysdale!
("Rock-a-Bye Baby"
resumes playing)
Mr. Drysdale!
Mr. Drysdale, it's me Elly May!
The police arrested Pa.
They got him and Jethro in jail.
Come quick, Mr. Drysdale.
Granny says hurry.
You tell Granny
I'll be right over.
What was it again they
arrested you for, Mr. Drysdale?
Indecent exposure,
creating a public disturbance,
drunk and disorderly,
resisting arrest.
Ooh-wee.
You sure got us
beat by a country mile.
Best we could do was
breaking and entering.
And we don't
rightly deserve that.
We didn't break nothin', and
we didn't get a chance to enter.
Of all mornings
for Miss Hathaway to
be out bird-watching.
Doing what?
Bird-watching.
Why, is they up to something?
Well, we may as well
relax till she gets here.
You say you can
identify these characters?
Indeed I can.
They are three of Beverly Hill"
most distinguished citizens.
A bank president and
two multi-millionaires.
Release them immediately.
Here, blow this up.
What?
Then I want to see you
walk that crack in the floor.
Now see here!
And what have you
got in that canteen?
Celery juice.
Oh, boy.
You winos will make
it out of anything.
Miss Hathaway, call my lawyer.
Well, by George, as
mayor of Beverly Hills,
it's your duty to see that
people are not mistreated,
especially rich people.
Well, created equal, yes.
But once a man
comes into money...
All right, have it your way.
Radical.
Well, what do you want?
Just reporting in, Chief.
I delivered the
Clampetts to their store
as you requested.
I didn't request it.
I ordered it. Yes, sir.
I also ordered that
they be made happy.
Have they been made happy?
Well, I... I did my best.
Don't evade the question.
Are the Clampetts happy?
Well, yes, sir, I-I
believe they are.
But you may not be
when I tell you what
they're planning to do.
If the Clampetts are
happy, I'm happy. (sighs)
What are they planning to do?
Turn Beverly Hills most
exclusive dress shop
into a country store.
I'm unhappy.
How's that look to
you, Miss Storekeeper?
Dandy, Jed.
I always did want
to run a store.
Yeah, I know, Granny.
Gives you a
chance to meet folks,
chew the fat with 'em,
and get acquainted.
Yeah, ain't nobody
got a better chance
to talk to people
than a storekeeper,
unless'n it's a barber.
Ol' Luke Short
had the right idea.
He had a barber
chair right in the store.
Granny, if you want a
barber chair in your store
we'll put one in for you.
Hey, Granny, I got
the barrel of pickles,
the barrel of crackers,
the potbellied stove,
the checkerboard
and all the other stuff
you wanted, on the truck yonder.
Dandy, Jethro.
There ain't nothin'
like a free dip
into the pickle barrel
and a friendly game of checkers
beside the stove to get a
customer to feelin' good.
Come on inside,
help me decide
where to put everything.
Jethro,
we might be puttin'
in a barber chair, too.
Well, hot diggity dog.
We sure gonna give
this store some class.
Granny, I put my extra
fancy dress on the dummy.
You want me to tote it
out front like you said?
No, Elly. It's so doggone purdy,
I'm scared somebody
might walk off with it.
Jethro, run out and
find some stovepipe.
Yes, sir, Uncle Jed.
Granny, seeing as how
this is the only chimney,
I reckon we best
put the stove here.
We can run a pipe over
and join it into the
flue right about there.
All right, Jed.
She don't fill this
dress out proper.
Tote her to the back
room and you put it on.
Yes'm, Granny.
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
What have we here?
Well, that's a dress.
We are selling this?
Oh, no, this ain't for sale.
Thank goodness.
I feel the same way.
Well, if it ain't Morris
the door opener.
Maurice.
Bonjour, madame.
Well, Mr. Bonjour,
why weren't you here to
open the door this morning?
But The House of Renée never
opens its doors before 11:00.
The House of Granny does.
"The House of Granny"?
Where is Madame Renée?
I heard tell that she
took off for France.
We's runni" the store now.
Quel dommage.
Does this mean that my
employment is terminated?
No, it means you're fired.
"Fired"?
If you had been on the job
at a decent hour this mornin',
Jed and Jethro wouldn't
have got arrested.
Besides, we don't
need no door opener.
JED: Now hold on.
Granny, we ain't lookin' to
throw nobody out of work.
"Work"? You call
what he does "work"?
Bowing and scraping
and opening up that
flimsy glass door?
Well, maybe we can find him
something more useful to do.
He might like that hisself.
How are you at cutting "harr"?
Qu'est-ce que c'est "harr"?
What'd he say, Jed?
I ain't sure, but I
don't think he does it.
Well, how are ya on checkers?
Qu'est-ce que c'est "checkers"?
(groans)
Well, maybe he's got
some ideas of his own.
Uh, man always does better
when he's doing work
of his own choosin'.
Anything you special like to do?
Oh, monsieur, if you are serious
I will run home and get
my sketches and designs.
You see, all my life
I have wanted to be a couturier.
There ya are, Granny.
You see? The man
wants to couture.
What's that?
Well, let him show us.
All right, young
fella, go right ahead
and commence "couturing."
Oh, monsieur! Merci beaucoup.
Granny, if that's couturing,
he's going back
to opening doors.
Look, Chief.
They've changed it
from The House of Renée
to The House of Granny. So what?
We'll just get fancier
letters made and spell it
G-R-A-N-E-E... The
House of Granee.
Women will eat it up.
But we haven't seen what
they've done to the interior.
Well, there it is.
Look for yourself.
Absolutely unchanged.
Still the most beautiful
dress shop in Beverly Hills.
But there's still
another problem.
Without the couturier
to design dresses,
what will they sell?
Bubble gum if it
makes them happy.
But, Chief, they'll lose money.
Great! The bigger the loss,
the bigger the tax write-off.
Now, get rid of that long face.
When we see the Clampetts,
we're going to be smiling.
Chief, you're not smiling.
I'll be all right.
I have to keep reminding myself
that only two
things are important:
(A) Keep the Clampetts happy.
(B) It's all a tax write-off.
Granny, Mr. Clampett,
anyone here?
Well, our first customers!
Didn't hear you come in.
Jed, we got to
bell that front door.
I'll tend to that first thing.
Well, how do you like the store
since we friendlied it up?
Well, it's, uh...
(sotto voce): Tax write-off.
It's a tax write-off.
I mean, uh...
(stammering):
It's a friendly store.
Exactly. Are you happy?
You betcha.
Granny's happy as
a gopher in soft dirt.
Granny, are, uh,
are these the dresses
you're going to sell?
Now let's not talk
business right off.
Set a spell. Grab
yourself a pickle
or a fistful of
crackers while we visit.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not hungry.
We just finished lunch.
Well, then hop into
the barber chair.
I'll heat up the curling iron
and give you a
marcel while we talk.
Oh, no, as a matter of
fact, I have to be going.
It won't take a minute to
heat up the curling iron.
You'd look mighty
pretty with a marcel...
whilst we visit.
(stammering): Well,
as a matter of fact...
with Mr. Drysdale
here, I have to get back
and watch the office.
(whispering): Oh, so
he can stay and visit.
(whispering): Exactly.
But don't say anything.
No, no, I won't say anything.
Bye. Bye.
It's a beauty, all right.
Something Granny always wanted:
a store with a barber chair.
Jed, fetch over
the checkerboard.
You and Mr. Drysdale
can have eight or ten
good hot games
while I cut his hair.
What?! Now wait a minute!
It'll give the three of us
a good chance to visit.
Ain't nothing
like a barber chair
for jawing over the news.
I'll get the board. Uh,
Granny, there's nothing
I'd rather do than
play checkers,
get my hair cut and
discuss the news,
but Miss Hathaway
and I can't be gone
too long at the same time,
so I'll rush back
and let her stay, eh?
Now she's done went
back so you could stay.
No! Yeah.
Wonderful girl.
Now, lay back.
I'm gonna throw in
a free shave.
Well, no, Mr. Drysdale
is attending
the opening of a new store.
It's The House of Granee.
Yes, I'll tell him
when he gets back.
He's back.
And it's The House of Horrors!
Chief, what happened?
You ran out on me,
that's what happened!
Now get over there
and do your duty!
Duty? You heard me.
You eat those pickles.
You munch those crackers.
You play those checkers.
And you chew that fat!
And do it now!
Yes, Chief.
Granny sure is unhappy, Pa.
Yeah, I know, Elly.
We ain't getting
no carriage trade,
no drop-ins, nothing.
You want me to go out front
and yank some folks in?
No, no, Elly.
Jethro and me's
got what you call
a "advertisin' campaign" ready.
Come on in, Jethro,
get a move on.
Let me see that
advertisin' campaign.
"Foller me to The
House of Granny."
Is that it, Pa?
Yeah, but you ain't
seen the best part.
Turn around Jethro and show her
what folks see
when they foller you.
"Free pickles, free crackers,
"checkers played, news jawed,
"hair cut and curled.
Come visit."
By doggies, that
oughta bring 'em in.
Should I get a-going
now, Uncle Jed?
Yeah, but out the back
way so Granny don't see ya.
Yes, sir. Remember now: right
through the best part of town.
Wilshire Boulevard
and all them big hotels.
Yes, sir.
Jed, we ain't doing no business.
Ah, have a little
patience, Granny.
I got a feeling it's
gonna pick up right away.
Madame. Sir?
It is I, Maurice.
Oh, I didn't recognize
you out of uniform.
You're no longer the doorman
at The House of Renée?
No, madame.
I'm now the couturier
for The House of Granny.
Where is that?
Right here.
Oh, and Madame Renée?
Returned to Paris.
Oh, dear.
And I need a complete
wardrobe for a world cruise.
And quickly.
Madame, I have designed
just such a wardrobe.
And it could only be worn
by a woman of your
beauty, charm and bearing.
You have some
sketches to show me?
In my car, madame.
If you will step inside and
have some champagne,
I shall return immediately.
(exclaims)
Jed! Elly!
We got one!
We got a customer!
What's yer name,
honey? Uh, well, I...
Oh, it don't make
no difference anyway.
This here is my
son-in-law, Jed Clampett.
Howdy, ma'am.
This is his daughter, Elly.
Ain't that a purdy dress?
That's the kind of
work we turn out here.
Let's not talk business yet.
Here, drop your meat hook
in here and grab
hold of a pickle.
Oh, no, please.
What's the matter?
Ain't your gloves clean?
Well, I'll do it fer ya.
Ooh-wee!
I gotcha a big'un!
Well, here ya are, honey.
Now come on over here
and grab a fistful of crackers.
Oh, no, really. I... (groans)
Oh, thank heaven
you're back! Oh!
Qu'est-ce que c'est que cela?
Is this your mister?
Nice lookin' husband
you got here. (gasps)
(mutters French)
That there was
Morris the door opener.
Oh, he's taken up couturing.
What's that?
Well, he was doin'
a little of it there
as he led her away.
Dad-blame it, I
still ain't got nobody
to chew the fat with.
Greetings all.
(exclaims): It's Miss Jane!
Here, have a pickle!
Have some crackers.
Play some checkers!
Set in the barber chair.
This quitclaim deed
is ready for your
signature, Mr. Clampett.
Mighty generous
thing you're doing,
giving the shop away scot-free.
Oh, I reckon everybody's
gonna be happier.
Granny says Beverly Hills
ain't no place to run a store.
Folks just ain't
the visitin' kind.
By the way, where is Granny?
I saw her on the truck
when you drove up.
Oh, Jethro took her
over by the store.
She forgot something.
Thanks fer keepin'
my curling iron, Morris.
Dandy sign.
You have made me
very happy, madame.
And please, express my
gratitude to Mr. Clampett.
I'll do it. I'm gonna
see him right now.
Miss Hathaway, would
you come in and witness
the signing away of
The House of Granny?
With pleasure.
By doggies, Mr. Drysdale,
you got to admit
Granny did give a
mighty stylish hairdo.
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.
story about a man named Jed ♪
♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪
♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪
♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪
♪ Oil, that is ♪
♪ Black gold ♪
♪ Texas tea ♪
♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪
♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪
♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪
♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪
♪ Hills, that is ♪
♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪
(banjo playing "Reveille")
(metallic clanging)
Jethro!
Did you go back to bed again?
Now you get down here!
It's pretty near daybreak!
I'm up, Granny.
You been up twice before!
Now if you ain't dressed
and down here in five minutes,
you'll go without breakfast!
Morning, Uncle Jed.
Boy, I sure did
sleep up a appetite.
Hold on, boy, wait a minute.
Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Jed.
Is these yours?
Them is sugar pine shavings.
They sure do got
more names for cereals.
Sugar pine shavings
ain't one of them.
Corn Flakes is over there.
Have them for breakfast.
Mmm, yes, sir,
them's my favorite.
Elly May, ain't you up yet?
Yes'm, Granny, I'm up.
It ain't even daylight yet.
The lazy days of
lolling around in bed
until sunup is over.
We own a store now,
and we have to get
into town to mind it.
Well, Granny, I
don't hardly think
the stores in Beverly
Hills open this early.
Why especially at one
of them fancy dress stores
like The House of Renée.
When the Clampetts own a store,
it's gonna open at decent hour.
At the crack of dawn.
Yes'm, Granny.
You see, we'll change it
from The House of Renée
to The House of Granny.
JETHRO: That'll gonna
make her real proud.
Yeah, we'll
surprise her with it.
Uncle Jed, after we
get the sign put up,
what's there gonna
be left for us to do
around a woman's dress store?
Oh, we'll see.
Generally speaking, there's
a lot of chores connected
with runni" a business.
Layin' in supplies,
countin' money,
waitin' on folks.
Miss Jane said advertisin'
is real important now.
You mean like puttin' up signs?
Yes, sir.
I could make a sign,
carry it all over
Beverly Hills sayin',
"Follow me to Granny's store."
The House of Granny.
Oh, yes, sir.
Jed Clampett, you makin'
a slingshot at your age.
This ain't no slingshot, Granny.
What is it, then?
"Y."
'Cause I ask, that's why.
Now you get over here
and eat your cereal.
But, Granny, them's
sugar pine shavings.
I ain't gonna eat them.
Well, then why
did you fix yourself
such a big helpin'? I didn't.
Them is shavings from
Uncle Jed's whittlin'.
What's he whittlin'?
A "Y."
A-'cause I want to
know, that's a-why.
And one more sassy
answer out of you
and I'm gonna box
your jaws for you.
Uncle Jed, don't just sit
there grinnin', help me.
The boy didn't mean
to sass you, Granny.
Uh, what I'm
whittli" is a letter.
Why? That's it.
That's what I been
tryin' to say... "Y."
You're raisin' your
voice to me again, boy.
Tell you what,
whilst you're gettin'
Elly May dressed
and fed and all, uh,
Jethro and me'll take
a quick run downtown
to open up the
store, lay a fire,
and sweep out
and things like that.
And I'll get some glue
and, uh, stick "Granny"
upside the wall.
What did you say?
The boy ain't really
awake yet, Granny.
Come on. I'll wake him
with a hickory stick!
That's what I'll do.
That's the trouble with
the young'uns today.
They ain't got took to
the woodshed enough,
learned some
respect for their elders.
"Spare the rod
and spoil the child."
Truest words was ever spoken.
Morning, Granny.
Elly May,
how long has it been since
you had a good whuppin'?
Well, I can't remember.
That's I thought. (gasps)
Well, what was that for?
Insurance.
An ounce of prevention
is worth a pound of cure.
Now you sit down, honey,
and Granny'll fix
you a nice breakfast.
My, but you're
pretty this mornin'.
Why, you put the
sunrise to shame.
Looks to me like there
ain't a soul stirrin', Uncle Jed.
Yeah. I reckon
we're gettin' the jump
on these other storekeepers.
Pays to start early.
But if there's nobody up,
who's gonna buy from us?
Well, it'll take a little
while for folks to find out.
Maybe we can have
a "early bird" sale...
Nickel or a dime off
on every dress bought
before 6:00 in the morning.
Yep, that'll bring 'em in.
Yeah, there's a good
lesson for you, Jethro,
for all young'uns.
If you're willin' to
get up a little earlier,
work a little harder,
think a little smarter
than the next fella,
folks'll take notice of you.
Yes, sir.
I reckon we can
leave "The House of"
and knock off the "Renée."
Yes, sir.
Jethro, did we get
keys to our store?
Not that I know of.
Want me to bust it open?
No, I reckon I
can pick this lock.
Uh, Uncle Jed,
remember what you told
me about gettin' up early
and workin' harder and smarter
so folks'll take notice? Yeah.
Well, you sure enough was right.
Somebody done took
notice. They have?
Yeah. Just turn
around, look behind you.
Morning, Mr. Policeman.
Morning.
I was tellin' the boy
here on the way over,
uh, get an early enough
start and you can get to jump
on these Beverly
Hills storekeepers.
Yes, sir, that's what he said.
Yeah, well, you got the
jump on them all right.
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, both of you, turn around,
put your hands up
against that door,
and lean forward.
We don't want to bust it down.
Jethro thought of that,
but I told him I
could pick the lock.
Just put your hands against
the door like I told you.
(alarm ringing)
Hey, the phone's
ringing in there.
I better get back
to work on this lock.
That's the burglar alarm.
You mean somebody's
trying to rob this store?
Yeah, wise guy.
Quick, Jethro, bust down
the door... let's stop them.
Don't move!
Joe!
Look, Mr. Policeman, I better
explain something to you...
We own this store.
Oh, sure you do.
Sure you do. Yeah, yeah.
Joe, bring bracelets
for these two.
Bracelets?
No thank you, Mr. Policeman.
We sell dresses, but
we don't wear jewelry.
Hurry up, Joe.
Elly May!
Any sign of Jethro?!
Not yet, Granny.
Probably lollygaggin' someplace.
I should've hickory-sticked
that boy this morning.
He was askin' for it and
I should've give it to him.
Granny, maybe they so many
customers down to the store
that Pa couldn't spare
Jethro to come and get us.
Can't sell anything until
we bring these things in.
Granny, you ain't
fixin' to sell my dress
Aunt Pearl made for me.
No, Elly May.
We's gonna put
this outside the store
to draw the women in.
Oh, hang it on one of
them there dummies.
Yeah.
Where is that boy?
(phone rings)
Hello?
Jethro!
Where are you lollygaggin' at?
Well, you just get
yourself out of that jail.
Jail?!
Uncle Jed and me got
arrested by the police.
Is both of you in jail?
Who's mindin' the store?
Well, nobody, Granny.
Gee whiz, I just told
you we got arrested.
A policeman pulled a gun on us
and brung us here to jail.
Heck fire!
Jethro, give me that phone
before I get my arm tore off.
Arm tore off?! (gasps)
Elly, fetch our guns.
The police are
torturing your pa.
Hold on, Jed, we'll be
right down to help you.
No, no, Granny.
Now listen careful
'cause we's only allowed
to make one telephone call.
Get ahold of Mr. Drysdale
and tell him we's in jail,
he'll know what to do.
Now, hurry, Granny.
Elly, run next door
and tell Mr. Drysdale to
get your pa out of jail, quick.
Well, it's quicker
to phone, Granny.
No, no, no, no.
Your pa says we's only
allowed one telephone call
and they've done
made it. Now scoot.
Yes'm, Granny.
("Rock-a-Bye Baby" playing)
ELLY MAY: Mr. Drysdale!
Mr. Drysdale!
("Rock-a-Bye Baby"
resumes playing)
Mr. Drysdale!
Mr. Drysdale, it's me Elly May!
The police arrested Pa.
They got him and Jethro in jail.
Come quick, Mr. Drysdale.
Granny says hurry.
You tell Granny
I'll be right over.
What was it again they
arrested you for, Mr. Drysdale?
Indecent exposure,
creating a public disturbance,
drunk and disorderly,
resisting arrest.
Ooh-wee.
You sure got us
beat by a country mile.
Best we could do was
breaking and entering.
And we don't
rightly deserve that.
We didn't break nothin', and
we didn't get a chance to enter.
Of all mornings
for Miss Hathaway to
be out bird-watching.
Doing what?
Bird-watching.
Why, is they up to something?
Well, we may as well
relax till she gets here.
You say you can
identify these characters?
Indeed I can.
They are three of Beverly Hill"
most distinguished citizens.
A bank president and
two multi-millionaires.
Release them immediately.
Here, blow this up.
What?
Then I want to see you
walk that crack in the floor.
Now see here!
And what have you
got in that canteen?
Celery juice.
Oh, boy.
You winos will make
it out of anything.
Miss Hathaway, call my lawyer.
Well, by George, as
mayor of Beverly Hills,
it's your duty to see that
people are not mistreated,
especially rich people.
Well, created equal, yes.
But once a man
comes into money...
All right, have it your way.
Radical.
Well, what do you want?
Just reporting in, Chief.
I delivered the
Clampetts to their store
as you requested.
I didn't request it.
I ordered it. Yes, sir.
I also ordered that
they be made happy.
Have they been made happy?
Well, I... I did my best.
Don't evade the question.
Are the Clampetts happy?
Well, yes, sir, I-I
believe they are.
But you may not be
when I tell you what
they're planning to do.
If the Clampetts are
happy, I'm happy. (sighs)
What are they planning to do?
Turn Beverly Hills most
exclusive dress shop
into a country store.
I'm unhappy.
How's that look to
you, Miss Storekeeper?
Dandy, Jed.
I always did want
to run a store.
Yeah, I know, Granny.
Gives you a
chance to meet folks,
chew the fat with 'em,
and get acquainted.
Yeah, ain't nobody
got a better chance
to talk to people
than a storekeeper,
unless'n it's a barber.
Ol' Luke Short
had the right idea.
He had a barber
chair right in the store.
Granny, if you want a
barber chair in your store
we'll put one in for you.
Hey, Granny, I got
the barrel of pickles,
the barrel of crackers,
the potbellied stove,
the checkerboard
and all the other stuff
you wanted, on the truck yonder.
Dandy, Jethro.
There ain't nothin'
like a free dip
into the pickle barrel
and a friendly game of checkers
beside the stove to get a
customer to feelin' good.
Come on inside,
help me decide
where to put everything.
Jethro,
we might be puttin'
in a barber chair, too.
Well, hot diggity dog.
We sure gonna give
this store some class.
Granny, I put my extra
fancy dress on the dummy.
You want me to tote it
out front like you said?
No, Elly. It's so doggone purdy,
I'm scared somebody
might walk off with it.
Jethro, run out and
find some stovepipe.
Yes, sir, Uncle Jed.
Granny, seeing as how
this is the only chimney,
I reckon we best
put the stove here.
We can run a pipe over
and join it into the
flue right about there.
All right, Jed.
She don't fill this
dress out proper.
Tote her to the back
room and you put it on.
Yes'm, Granny.
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
What have we here?
Well, that's a dress.
We are selling this?
Oh, no, this ain't for sale.
Thank goodness.
I feel the same way.
Well, if it ain't Morris
the door opener.
Maurice.
Bonjour, madame.
Well, Mr. Bonjour,
why weren't you here to
open the door this morning?
But The House of Renée never
opens its doors before 11:00.
The House of Granny does.
"The House of Granny"?
Where is Madame Renée?
I heard tell that she
took off for France.
We's runni" the store now.
Quel dommage.
Does this mean that my
employment is terminated?
No, it means you're fired.
"Fired"?
If you had been on the job
at a decent hour this mornin',
Jed and Jethro wouldn't
have got arrested.
Besides, we don't
need no door opener.
JED: Now hold on.
Granny, we ain't lookin' to
throw nobody out of work.
"Work"? You call
what he does "work"?
Bowing and scraping
and opening up that
flimsy glass door?
Well, maybe we can find him
something more useful to do.
He might like that hisself.
How are you at cutting "harr"?
Qu'est-ce que c'est "harr"?
What'd he say, Jed?
I ain't sure, but I
don't think he does it.
Well, how are ya on checkers?
Qu'est-ce que c'est "checkers"?
(groans)
Well, maybe he's got
some ideas of his own.
Uh, man always does better
when he's doing work
of his own choosin'.
Anything you special like to do?
Oh, monsieur, if you are serious
I will run home and get
my sketches and designs.
You see, all my life
I have wanted to be a couturier.
There ya are, Granny.
You see? The man
wants to couture.
What's that?
Well, let him show us.
All right, young
fella, go right ahead
and commence "couturing."
Oh, monsieur! Merci beaucoup.
Granny, if that's couturing,
he's going back
to opening doors.
Look, Chief.
They've changed it
from The House of Renée
to The House of Granny. So what?
We'll just get fancier
letters made and spell it
G-R-A-N-E-E... The
House of Granee.
Women will eat it up.
But we haven't seen what
they've done to the interior.
Well, there it is.
Look for yourself.
Absolutely unchanged.
Still the most beautiful
dress shop in Beverly Hills.
But there's still
another problem.
Without the couturier
to design dresses,
what will they sell?
Bubble gum if it
makes them happy.
But, Chief, they'll lose money.
Great! The bigger the loss,
the bigger the tax write-off.
Now, get rid of that long face.
When we see the Clampetts,
we're going to be smiling.
Chief, you're not smiling.
I'll be all right.
I have to keep reminding myself
that only two
things are important:
(A) Keep the Clampetts happy.
(B) It's all a tax write-off.
Granny, Mr. Clampett,
anyone here?
Well, our first customers!
Didn't hear you come in.
Jed, we got to
bell that front door.
I'll tend to that first thing.
Well, how do you like the store
since we friendlied it up?
Well, it's, uh...
(sotto voce): Tax write-off.
It's a tax write-off.
I mean, uh...
(stammering):
It's a friendly store.
Exactly. Are you happy?
You betcha.
Granny's happy as
a gopher in soft dirt.
Granny, are, uh,
are these the dresses
you're going to sell?
Now let's not talk
business right off.
Set a spell. Grab
yourself a pickle
or a fistful of
crackers while we visit.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm not hungry.
We just finished lunch.
Well, then hop into
the barber chair.
I'll heat up the curling iron
and give you a
marcel while we talk.
Oh, no, as a matter of
fact, I have to be going.
It won't take a minute to
heat up the curling iron.
You'd look mighty
pretty with a marcel...
whilst we visit.
(stammering): Well,
as a matter of fact...
with Mr. Drysdale
here, I have to get back
and watch the office.
(whispering): Oh, so
he can stay and visit.
(whispering): Exactly.
But don't say anything.
No, no, I won't say anything.
Bye. Bye.
It's a beauty, all right.
Something Granny always wanted:
a store with a barber chair.
Jed, fetch over
the checkerboard.
You and Mr. Drysdale
can have eight or ten
good hot games
while I cut his hair.
What?! Now wait a minute!
It'll give the three of us
a good chance to visit.
Ain't nothing
like a barber chair
for jawing over the news.
I'll get the board. Uh,
Granny, there's nothing
I'd rather do than
play checkers,
get my hair cut and
discuss the news,
but Miss Hathaway
and I can't be gone
too long at the same time,
so I'll rush back
and let her stay, eh?
Now she's done went
back so you could stay.
No! Yeah.
Wonderful girl.
Now, lay back.
I'm gonna throw in
a free shave.
Well, no, Mr. Drysdale
is attending
the opening of a new store.
It's The House of Granee.
Yes, I'll tell him
when he gets back.
He's back.
And it's The House of Horrors!
Chief, what happened?
You ran out on me,
that's what happened!
Now get over there
and do your duty!
Duty? You heard me.
You eat those pickles.
You munch those crackers.
You play those checkers.
And you chew that fat!
And do it now!
Yes, Chief.
Granny sure is unhappy, Pa.
Yeah, I know, Elly.
We ain't getting
no carriage trade,
no drop-ins, nothing.
You want me to go out front
and yank some folks in?
No, no, Elly.
Jethro and me's
got what you call
a "advertisin' campaign" ready.
Come on in, Jethro,
get a move on.
Let me see that
advertisin' campaign.
"Foller me to The
House of Granny."
Is that it, Pa?
Yeah, but you ain't
seen the best part.
Turn around Jethro and show her
what folks see
when they foller you.
"Free pickles, free crackers,
"checkers played, news jawed,
"hair cut and curled.
Come visit."
By doggies, that
oughta bring 'em in.
Should I get a-going
now, Uncle Jed?
Yeah, but out the back
way so Granny don't see ya.
Yes, sir. Remember now: right
through the best part of town.
Wilshire Boulevard
and all them big hotels.
Yes, sir.
Jed, we ain't doing no business.
Ah, have a little
patience, Granny.
I got a feeling it's
gonna pick up right away.
Madame. Sir?
It is I, Maurice.
Oh, I didn't recognize
you out of uniform.
You're no longer the doorman
at The House of Renée?
No, madame.
I'm now the couturier
for The House of Granny.
Where is that?
Right here.
Oh, and Madame Renée?
Returned to Paris.
Oh, dear.
And I need a complete
wardrobe for a world cruise.
And quickly.
Madame, I have designed
just such a wardrobe.
And it could only be worn
by a woman of your
beauty, charm and bearing.
You have some
sketches to show me?
In my car, madame.
If you will step inside and
have some champagne,
I shall return immediately.
(exclaims)
Jed! Elly!
We got one!
We got a customer!
What's yer name,
honey? Uh, well, I...
Oh, it don't make
no difference anyway.
This here is my
son-in-law, Jed Clampett.
Howdy, ma'am.
This is his daughter, Elly.
Ain't that a purdy dress?
That's the kind of
work we turn out here.
Let's not talk business yet.
Here, drop your meat hook
in here and grab
hold of a pickle.
Oh, no, please.
What's the matter?
Ain't your gloves clean?
Well, I'll do it fer ya.
Ooh-wee!
I gotcha a big'un!
Well, here ya are, honey.
Now come on over here
and grab a fistful of crackers.
Oh, no, really. I... (groans)
Oh, thank heaven
you're back! Oh!
Qu'est-ce que c'est que cela?
Is this your mister?
Nice lookin' husband
you got here. (gasps)
(mutters French)
That there was
Morris the door opener.
Oh, he's taken up couturing.
What's that?
Well, he was doin'
a little of it there
as he led her away.
Dad-blame it, I
still ain't got nobody
to chew the fat with.
Greetings all.
(exclaims): It's Miss Jane!
Here, have a pickle!
Have some crackers.
Play some checkers!
Set in the barber chair.
This quitclaim deed
is ready for your
signature, Mr. Clampett.
Mighty generous
thing you're doing,
giving the shop away scot-free.
Oh, I reckon everybody's
gonna be happier.
Granny says Beverly Hills
ain't no place to run a store.
Folks just ain't
the visitin' kind.
By the way, where is Granny?
I saw her on the truck
when you drove up.
Oh, Jethro took her
over by the store.
She forgot something.
Thanks fer keepin'
my curling iron, Morris.
Dandy sign.
You have made me
very happy, madame.
And please, express my
gratitude to Mr. Clampett.
I'll do it. I'm gonna
see him right now.
Miss Hathaway, would
you come in and witness
the signing away of
The House of Granny?
With pleasure.
By doggies, Mr. Drysdale,
you got to admit
Granny did give a
mighty stylish hairdo.
(theme song playing)
♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪
♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪
♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪
♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪
♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪
♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪
♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪
♪ Set a spell ♪
♪ Take your shoes off ♪
♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪
This has been a
Filmways Presentation.