The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 2, Episode 25 - Granny Versus the Weather Bureau - full transcript

The Weather Bureau says their satellite predicts fair and clear. Granny's beetle says rain. The Weather Bureau meets the beetle.

♪ Come and listen to my
story about a man named Jed ♪

♪ A poor mountaineer,
barely kept his family fed ♪

♪ And then one day, he
was shooting at some food ♪

♪ And up through the ground
come a-bubbling crude ♪

♪ Oil, that is ♪

♪ Black gold ♪

♪ Texas tea ♪

♪ Well, the first thing you
know, old Jed's a millionaire ♪

♪ The kinfolk said, "Jed,
move away from there" ♪

♪ Said, "Californy is the
place you ought to be" ♪

♪ So they loaded up the truck
and they moved to Beverly ♪

♪ Hills, that is ♪

♪ Swimming pools, movie stars. ♪

Oh, please don't
throw 'em so hard.

Just bounce it to me, like that.

There, that's better.

Duke, I know it's asking a heap,

but if you can pull your
eyes open for a minute,

yonder is something
you don't see every day:

a girl playing ball.

JED: With a monkey.

And a bobcat watching.

Sorry, old-timer,

I reckon what you was
dreaming had it beat.

Skipper's getting
good, ain't he, Pa?

He is for a fact, Elly.

Can we try out for the Dodgers?

Well, I don't hardly think...

(horn honking)

(tires screeching)

Look out, here comes
Jethro going faster

than a hungry
dog at feeding time.

What's your hurry, Jethro?

It's time for the
weather on television!

Since when is Jethro so
interested in the weather?

Since he seen that pretty
girl that talks about it.

The one that riles up Granny so?

Yes, sir, Granny says
she's wrong half the time,

half wrong the other half.

WOMAN (on TV): It is expected
that this high-pressure system

will hold back the
mass of moist air

moving in across the Pacific.

Hot diggity dog,
ain't she pretty?

Shh.

And now the weather forecast
for Los Angeles and vicinity.

Continued clear this
afternoon and tonight,

sunny and warmer tomorrow.

You're wrong again.

It's gonna rain tonight,
or my name ain't Daisy!

Shh! Don't you shush me!

She's the one that's fibbin'.

What's the trouble, Granny?

Oh, it's gonna rain tonight,

and she keeps telling me

that it's gonna be clear.

She don't know what
she's talking about.

Shh, I want to listen
to my TV sweetie.

By the way, there will
be a full moon tonight.

Perfect for a weenie
roast at the beach.

See you there.

You sure will.

Hey, Granny, we got any weenies?

And now, good night
from your weather miss.

Weather miss is right!

She ain't hit it right all week.

Well, she's just a
young girl, Granny.

Well, then, they
shouldn't send a girl

to do woman's work.

We got any weenies, Granny?

I keep telling her she's wrong,

but she won't listen to me.

Just keeps on blabbing.

We got any weenies, Granny?

I don't think they can hear you

when you talk back
to this TV contraption.

Well, then, why do they

keep asking me those questions?

Like, "Are you
tired and run down?"

And, "Does too many suds
clog your washing machine?"

We got any weenies?

Yeah, them kind of questions.

Well, I don't know about that,

but I bet you that weather
girl would take it right kindly

if you called up and
straighten her out,

told her it was
gonna rain tonight.

That is, if you're
for positive sure.

You get her on the phone.

I'll step outside
and take a look

at the signs once more.

Hey, Granny, we got any weenies?

WOMAN (on phone):
This is the special operator.

Well, thank you.

Any operator would've done,

but since you come on
special, I'll let you handle it.

I'd like to talk
to that girl on TV

who says it ain't
gonna rain tonight.

Granny thinks she's wrong.

I can give you
weather information.

Oh, you, too, huh?

Well, all right.

Uh, whose side are you
on: hers or Granny's?

Now, Elly, watch close,

'cause one of these days,

you'll be taking my place
predicting the weather.

Jethro, fetch me a ladybug.

Granny, how about them weenies?

You can't tell
nothing from weenies.

Fetch me a ladybug.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Now, we'll commence
with this little bobcat.

Have you noticed his
fur standing up bushy?

Yes'm.

And have you noticed
him lickin' agin the grain?

Yes'm, I have.

That's a sign!

Bobcats licking agin the grain,

come that night
it's likely to rain!

Did you hear that, Bobby?

You're a weather sign.

(rooster crowing)

So is your rooster, Earl, Elly.

Looky yonder.

(crowing)

Is that a sign of rain, Granny?

Yes, sirree.

Rooster crows
before he goes to bed,

he'll wake up with a soggy head.

Tell me some more rain signs.

Oh, there's dozens of 'em:

cats sneezing,
dogs eating grass,

sheeps turning their
back to the wind,

wolves howling before sundown,

ants banking up the
dirt around their holes.

See that tree over yonder?

Yes'm.

You notice how the
leaves are turning up,

showing the underside?

That's a good sign.

Hey, Granny, I
can't find no ladybug.

That's a good sign.

Now see if you can
fetch me a bullfrog.

Yes, ma'am.

Bullfrogs turn dark

ten or 12 hours before it rains.

Ah, but here's a sign

that separates the
girls from the grannies.

My weather beetle.

Watch him when
he gets a whiff of air.

Well, he turned over on his back

and kicking up his legs.

That's a dead for sure

positive certain sign

it's gonna rain tonight.

This little rascal never fails.

(laughing)

Likes to get his
stomach scratched.

Can I do it?

Easy... easy
now, it tickles him.

(chuckling)

Granny, appears
like that pretty little girl

on the TV don't do
her own predicting.

She don't?

No. She gets her weather
news from the government.

Whose gov'ment?

Ours, I reckon.

Okay, so I's... I got the number

where we can call
the head weatherman.

Good. The sooner I set
him straight, the better.

Back to sleep, Cecil.

Excuse me, Mr. Addison.

The latest teletype
dispatches from all stations

and photographs from
weather satellite Tiros.

Weather ship confirms.

Satellite photos check.

Barometer rising.

Weather balloon A-OK.

Polar stations, ditto.

All meteorological
observations verify.

You have processed these data

through the computer?

Yes, sir. Here's the
electronic projection.

Oh, what a shame that
this brilliant compilation

of scientific knowledge
and observation

will be interpreted
to the public

in two simple
words: "clear tonight".

(phone ringing)

It may be Washington.

Chief Forecaster Addison here.

Howdy there, uh, this
here is Jed Clampett.

Are you the weatherman?

I am the supervisor

of meteorological
observation for this area.

Oh, well, uh, I was
wanting the weatherman.

You're speaking to him.

I am Justin Addison.

Well, shucks, don't
feel bad about that.

I'm just a Clampett.

Oh, well, uh, here's Granny.

She wants to straighten you out

on the weather tonight.

I beg your pardon.

Well, you ought to!

Telling everybody it ain't
gonna be no rain tonight.

It's gonna come down in buckets!

Madam, you have my assurance,

there will be no
precipitation tonight.

Maybe not, but there's
gonna be a whole slew o' rain!

(horn tooting)

Stop all that racket, boy.

Your granny's on the telephone

talking to the head weatherman.

I'm sorry, Uncle Jed,
but I wanted to tell her

I weren't gonna be
home for supper tonight.

I'm going to the
beach to roast weenies

with that pretty
little weather girl.

Granny says it's fixin' to rain.

You're liable to wind up

with a sack full
of soggy weenies.

But the weather forecaster
says it ain't gonna rain.

But Granny says it is.

But the government
says it ain't.

I say it is!

Madam, may I ask what leads you

to believe we are
going to have rain?

Well, first off, I noticed
the fur on Elly's bobcat.

Bobcat?

Yes, it was standing
up bushy-like,

and he was licking
it agin the grain.

(chuckles) Well, madam, you see,

that can hardly be
compared with our methods.

Here, we use only
the newest equipment.

So did I!

This bobcat ain't more
than two or three months old.

I was referring to
scientific equipment.

Radar, satellites,
sensitive barometers.

Now, what have you
to compare with that?

Anthills, bullfrogs
and sneezing cats!

I see no point in
continuing this conversation.

Madam, you must realize
that weather prediction

has progressed far beyond
the primitive superstitions

in which you seem
to place credence.

It has become a
geophysical science,

the science of meteorology,
with the world our test tube

and the limitless reaches of
the universe our laboratory.

Are you through
flapping your trap?

Because if you are, I
got something to tell you.

And what might that be?

It's gonna rain tonight!

It is not going to rain tonight.

I say it is.

I say it isn't.

And Tiros says it isn't.

Well, Cecil says it is!

And who the devil is Cecil?

My weather beetle.

And he can out-predict
your Tiros any day.

Well, madam, let me
tell you about Tiros.

As a tax payer, you
have a right to know.

After all, you
helped pay for him.

How much did it cost?

Tiros number seven was activated

at a cost of
millions of dollars.

For a beetle that says it
ain't gonna rain tonight?

I want my money back!

Granny, you hadn't
ought to yell at him.

He's a government man.

Fine gov'ment man you are!

Ha, I bet you can't
even find my still!

Mr. Government Man,
Granny was just funnin'.

She's, uh... (click)

Hello? Hello?

I reckon you throwed
the fat in the fire that time.

He's liable to come over here,

and you'll have
some explaining to do.

So will he!

Like what happened

to the first six beetles
we helped pay for!

We helped pay for 'em?

Yes, sir!

And I want to tell
you something, Jed.

I don't know how
the gov'ment's doing

with their other supplies,

but they is paying an
outrageous price for beetles!

All right, now, Skip,

we's gonna practice
throwing for distance.

Come on, you go way
out yonder in the yard

and throw the ball.

Come on, go out there now.

Get going.

Out further, Skip.

Keep a-goin'.

Hi there, Miss Jane
and Mr. Drysdale.

Greetings, Elly.

Look out!

Skipper's fixin' to
throw the ball! Oh!

Say, you two make
quite a combination.

Well, thank you.

Now...

All right, burn one right across
the plate here, young fella.

Come on.

Whoa. Hey, that-that's enough.

He-he ought to try
out for the Dodgers.

He's going to.

JED: Elly May.

Oh, Miss Jane, Mr. Drysdale.

Sure am glad to see you.

Looks like we's headed
for trouble. What's wrong?

Well, Granny's fighting
mad; she wants to take on

the whole United
States Government.

Well, that would
be a one-sided fight!

Yeah, that's why I'm
glad you come along.

I hope you can stop it

before the government
gets rousted around.

Oh, what precipitated
the altercation?

Well, uh... Huh?

What are they fighting about?

Oh. Well, they can't seem
to agree about the weather.

Oh, is that all?

Tell Granny to forget it.

Too late, they done
crossed beetles.

Beetles?

Yeah, and Granny said
something she hadn't oughta.

Now, if I could just talk
to that government man,

I think I could head him off...
Save us a heap of trouble.

Do you know his name?

Yes, ma'am,

but he didn't seem none too
proud of it for some reason.

Head weather man, too.

Addison! Right!

He's Justin Addison!

Yeah, that's the way he
seemed to feel about it.

Tell me, uh, did his
pa do something?

Oh, he did indeed!

Addison Senior was a
pioneer meteorologist.

MIT man.

PhD magna cum laude.

Phi Beta Kappa.

Addison Junior is good.

But he's not the
man his father was!

True.

He's always lived in
the old man's shadow.

Yeah, that's the way
it happens sometimes.

Well, if you'd like to meet him

we'll drive you down to the
office, and I'll introduce you.

Well, I sure would
appreciate that.

Elly May!

Elly, honey, you
look after your granny.

I'll be back directly.

Yes, sir, Pa.

Wouldn't want Granny
and that weatherman

to tie into each other.

Hello, there, Granny.

We'll bring
Mr. Clampett right back.

Where they taking you, Jed?

Just for a little ride.

Well, if you're gonna
be out after dark,

you'd better put up your roof.

It's gonna rain.

Oh, no, it isn't, Granny.

We were listening

to the weather forecast
on the way over.

Continued clear this
afternoon and tonight.

(quietly): Drive on quick.

I say it's gonna rain!

My beetle says it's gonna rain!

Elly May's bobcat
says it's gonna rain!

Her rooster says
it's gonna rain!

The ants say it's gonna rain!

The leaves on the trees!

Even this monkey
says it's gonna rain!

Here they are, Mr. Addison.

Drysdale, good to see you again.

Good to see you, Addison.

Excuse me, Chief, I'll
just wait in the outer office.

Right.

I'd like you to meet
my very good friend,

next-door neighbor
and largest depositor...

Howdy do, there?
I'm Jed Clampett.

Great pleasure to know you, sir.

I'm Justin Addison.

Well, now Mr. Addison,

you got to forget about
what your pa done.

Make your own way in the world.

You knew my dad?

No, but Mr. Drysdale
told me about him.

What you said, Mr. Clampett,
is quite to the point.

All my life, people have said,

"He's not the man
his father was."

Well, now you believe
'em 'cause they's right.

Mr. Clampett, I think
you have something

to discuss with Mr. Addison?

I do for a fact.

It's about the way
Granny's been acting.

Well, I'll leave you two alone.

Won't you sit
down, Mr. Clampett?

Oh, thank you.

Did you say "Granny"?

Her real name is Daisy.

You mean, Hurricane Daisy?

That's the one.

Yes, she is beginning
to give us trouble.

We've just started tracking her.

I was afraid of that.

Couldn't you just
forget about her?

She ain't doing no harm.

Not now, perhaps, but
if she ever moves north,

there's no estimating
the damage she might do.

I think I can promise you
she ain't gonna move north.

Well, I wish the
government weather bureau

could be as certain as you are.

No, I'm afraid we
cannot ignore a force

as potentially dangerous
as Hurricane Daisy.

What are you planning to do?

Well, we're going to try
something new with Daisy.

We're gonna fly over her

with high-altitude
Air Force jets.

You mean airplanes?

Bombers, the biggest we've got.

And we're going to drop
silver iodide and dry ice

right in her eye.

Mr. Addison, government
or no government,

I reckon I can't
let you do that.

Well, with all due respect, sir,

I hardly see how
you're going to stop us.

Well, maybe not, but
I'm gonna do my best.

What are you, a hurricane lover?

Please believe me, Mr. Clampett,

Daisy is a violent,
destructive force.

She's unpredictable.
She's dangerous.

I grant you all
that, Mr. Addison,

but she's still
my mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law?

The Clampett
clan sticks together.

Mr. Drysdale! Ho!

Well, here we are.

You know, Addison, I'm going
to enjoy watching this movie

about weather
forecasting myself.

Yes, well, I hope it
will convince Granny.

It was a positively
inspired idea, Mr. Addison.

One picture is worth
a thousand words.

Do you think this is the way
Dad would have handled it?

Now, you got to stop worrying
about what your pa done.

Make it on your own.
You're still a young fella.

'Course you ain't
met Granny yet.

Put up the screen,
Miss Hathaway.

My goodness, this is a
magnificent home, Mr. Clampett.

Well, thank you, sir.

Now, let me tell you something.

My pa lived in a little bitty
log cabin with a dirt floor

and I was never ashamed of him,

and you hadn't ought to
be ashamed of your pa.

Ashamed of him?

Why, Dad was a MIT PhD.

You don't need to spell it out.

I've heard ugly words before.

What do you say, Cecil?

How long 'fore it's gonna rain?

Half hour, huh? Thank ya.

Back to sleep, Cecil.

I thought I told you to
put the roof up on your car.

Now it's only a half
hour afore it starts to rain.

Oh, Granny, I'm sure
you'll change your forecast

once you've seen this film

on modern scientific
weather prediction methods,

which Mr. Addison's
going to show us.

Who's he?

Well, he's the local head of
the government weather bureau.

What?! So he's the rascal!

Granny, could I have
a little talk with you?

Now, don't go to
mean-mouthing him right off.

He's trying to live down
a bad family name as it is.

He ain't such a bad fellow
when you get to know him...

For a government man.

Well, he'd better
not mean-mouth me

nor my beetle neither.

Uh, Mr. Addison,
this here is Granny,

the "Daisy" we had the
little misunderstanding about.

How do you do?
I'm Justin Addison.

Howdy.

See what I mean?
Apologizes every time.

Howdy, everybody.

Elly May, this
here is Mr. Addison.

Mr. Addison, my
daughter Elly May.

How do you do?

Well, just fine, thank you.

Mr. Addison's gonna show us
a movie on weather-predicting.

Fine, Pa, but Granny
said she done told me

everything there
was to know about.

Everything.

Well, then just
watch for the fun of it.

Take seats, everybody.

We're about ready
to start the picture.

By way of prefacing
what you are about to see,

may I say that from the
dawn of its existence,

man was in awe of the elements.

But in time, man's
awe of the elements

gave way to investigation,

and today we no longer
have to rely on such things

as prognosticating beetles.

Don't you call my
beetles whatever it is

you just called them.

Mr. Addison, maybe you'd
better get on with the movie.

I think you're right.

Close the curtains, please.

(switch clicks,
projector whirring)

Today, weather reports
from every part of the world

can be obtained
almost instantly,

and they are the basis of
modern weather forecasting.

Because weather
on Earth is affected

by conditions above Earth,

Raysonde balloons are
launched into the atmosphere

at stations
throughout the world.

(scoffs) Instead of
looking for weather signs,

they's playing with balloons.

Pressure, temperature and
winds are plotted on map segments

which are joined together
to form a large map

of simultaneous observations.

But a revolution is taking
place in forecasting techniques.

Electronic computers
can analyze data

and predict tomorrow's
weather map.

The frontiers of meteorology
have been greatly expanded

by the use of Tyros.

That's a big'un!

Here you see Tiros II, 19
inches high, 42 inches in diameter

and weighing
approximately 280 pounds.

That Tyros may be big,

but he ain't half
the beetle Cecil is.

And here is Tyros
atop its launch vehicle

about to be rocketed into space.

(rumbling explosion)

I ain't seen nothing like that

since the time
your still blew up.

Yes, the modern
science of meteorology

has removed weather forecasting

from the realm of
superstition and coincidence,

enabling me to say
with complete confidence

it will not rain tonight.

Well, Granny, what do you think?

I think she'd better
get her car under cover.

It's gonna rain in one minute.

Granny, has all this
been for naught?

Hasn't this mass of scientific
evidence convinced you

that my prediction
is the correct one?

(thunder crashes)

Better get a move on!

(thunder crashing)

It can't happen! It just can't!

Well, do you still think your
Tyros is better than my Cecil?

(thundering)

I don't know what to think.

Come and sit down,
and I'll give you a lesson

in how to predict the weather.

(thunder crashing)

Jethro!

Jethro! Granny wants you
to come down to breakfast.

I'm coming, Uncle Jed.

Looks like you got
caught in the rain last night.

I sure did.

Wait down to the beach pret'
near all night in the pouring rain

for that pretty
little weather girl.

She never did show up.

Can't say as I blame her.

But she hadn't oughta said

it was gonna be
clear last night.

That wasn't her fault.

You got any complaining
to do, you call Mr. Addison.

(phones ringing) I'm
sorry. We try to do our best.

Yes? Well, madam, we were
just as surprised as you were.

Yes? So sue us!

Will you get off my back?!

Oh, I-I'm sorry, Chief.

Yes, we did come
a cropper last night,

but you can depend on
our predictions from now on,

I guarantee it. Today?

Well, just a moment.

Hello, Chief, all clear today.

You can depend on
it. How do I know?

My beetle isn't kicking.

Good-bye.

Cecil, you little genius.

You're gonna make me a better
forecaster than Dad ever was.

Why, Dad, you should have
told me you were a beetle man!

(theme song playing)

♪ Well, now it's time
to say good-bye ♪

♪ To Jed and all his kin ♪

♪ And they would
like to thank you folks ♪

♪ Fer kindly droppin' in ♪

♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality ♪

♪ To have a heapin'
helpin' of their hospitality ♪

♪ Hillbilly, that is ♪

♪ Set a spell ♪

♪ Take your shoes off ♪

♪ Y'all come back now, y'hear? ♪

This has been a
Filmways Presentation.