The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 1, Episode 9 - Elly's First Date - full transcript

COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY

‘BOUT A MAN NAMED JED,

A POOR MOUNTAINEER

BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FED.

AND THEN ONE DAY

HE WAS SHOOTIN AT SOME FOOD,

AND UP THROUGH THE GROUND

COME A BUBBLING CRUDE.

OIL THAT IS,

BLACK GOLD,

TEXAS TEA.

WELL THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW

OL' JED'S A MILLIONAIRE,

THE KIN FOLKS SAID,

"JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE".

SAID, "CALIFORNY IS THE
PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE",

SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK

AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY,

HILLS THAT IS,

SWIMMING POOLS,

MOVIE STARS.

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

NOW COME ALONG AND VISIT

WITH THE CLAMPETT FAMILY

AS THEY LEARN
THE SIMPLE PLEASURES

OF THE HILLS OF BEVERLY.

AND THAT INCLUDES THE PRODUCTS

OF YOUR SPONSOR OF THE WEEK,

THE CEREALS OF KELLOGG'S,

KELLOGG'S OF BATTLE CREEK.

K-E-DOUBLE-L, O-DOUBLE GOOD,

KELLOGG'S BEST TO You.

WANNA COME FOR A SWIM
IN CEMENT POND, GRANNY?

NOT ME CHILD.

IF THE LORD HAD WANTED ME
TO SWIM AROUND IN WATER,

HE'D HAVE GIVEN ME FINS.

WELL, YOU SURE ARE GUSSIED UP.

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

I'M GOING SHOPPING FOR
OUR THANKSGIVING VITTLES.

I HEAR YOUR BEAU IS
COMIN' TO EAT WITH US.

I AIN'T GOT NO BEAU.

YOUR PA SAYS SO,

MR. DRYSDALE'S STEPSON.

YOU KNOW, THE
ONE THEY CALL SONNY.

SHUCKS, I AIN'T
NEVER EVEN SEEN HIM.

THE WAY YOUR PA TELLS IT

HE'S COMIN' TO
COURT YA, AND SPARK YA.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT, VH,

COURTIN' AND SPARKIN' IS?

NO.

NO, I GUESS YOU
WOULDN'T AT THAT.

WELL, WHEN I GET BACK

YOU AND ME BETTER
HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN

COURTED AND SPARKED, GRANNY?

HONEY.

WHEN I WAS A GIRL
BACK IN TENNESSEE,

I SET SO MANY
BOYS' HEARTS ON FIRE

THAT THEY TOOK TO CALLIN"
THAT NECK OF THE WOODS,

THE SMOKY MOUNTAINS.

WELL, SEE YA LATER.

DAISY YOU OLD HEARTBREAKER

YOU STILL GOT IT.

THAT'S THE TRUTH.

WHO YOU STEPPIN' OUT WITH?

AIN'T STEPPIN'
OUT WITH NOBODY.

I'M GOIN' TO THE SUPERMARKET.

WHAT'S A SUPERMARKET?

I DON'T KNOW.

I RECKON IT'S KIND
OF LIKE A GENERAL STORE.

BUT THAT'S WHERE
YOU HAVE TO GO

TO BUY YOUR VITTLES OUT HERE,

AND THERE'S
SOME THINGS I NEED

FOR THAT THANKSGIVING SPREAD.

OH, SAY, SPEAKIN'
OF THANKSGIVIN',

WE CAN USE THE BIG,
FANCY EATIN' TABLE.

I JUST FINISHED NOTCHIN'

THE LAST POT PASSER.

THINK THEY'LL REACH?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

LET'S GIVE 'EM A TRY.

JETHRO!

YEAH GRANNY?

YOU ALL SET TO GET
TOOK TO THE SUPERMARKET?

NO, NOT YET.

FETCH ME A POT TO
THE FANCY EATIN' ROOM.

YES'M.

MMM-MM, THAT SURE IS

A MIGHTY FINE EATIN' TABLE.

JETHRO'S FETCHIN' A POT.

GRANNY, YOU GOTTA ADMIT,

FOLKS WHO BUILT THIS TABLE

SURE KNOWIN'
WHAT THEY WAS DOIN'.

IT IS BUILT SOLID.

IT IS THAT.

YOU COULD SET A HALF DOZEN
TURKEY GOBBLERS ON THERE

AND NEVER SAG ITA BIT.

THIS HERE IS A DANDY IDEA,

ESPECIALLY IF YA GOT
YOUNG ONES AT THE TABLE.

THE PLATES WON'T
SLIP OFF ON THE FLOOR.

YEAH, I'VE SURE SCRUBBED UP
A MESS OF POLE AND SORGHUM.

BET NOBODY EVER SCRUBBED
UP NONE FROM THIS FLOOR.

BEEN PLENTY SPILLED
ON THE TABLE, THOUGH.

SORGHUM?

SOMTHIN' STICKY,

I CAN'T GET THAT
GREEN TABLECLOTH

OFF THERE TO SAVE ME.

IT'S STUCK ON THERE?

I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYBODY

TO LAY A CLEAN
TABLECLOTH ON A STICKY TABLE.

YEAH GRANNY,
I RECKON ALL WOMEN

AIN'T AS SPIC AND
SPAN AS YOU ARE

WHEN IT COMES
TO KEEPIN' HOUSE.

HERE YOU ARE, GRANNY.

SET IT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE TABLE,

SO WE'LL SEE IF
THESE POT PASSERS REACH.

YEAH, I RECKON THAT'LL
DO THE TRICK ALL RIGHT.

JED, MAYBE YOU BETTER
WHITTLE SOME SHARP POINTS

ON A FEW OF THEN,

AND WE CAN SPEAR
THE MEAT AND PASS IT.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA GRANNY,

I'LL DO THAT.

HOW DO YOU RECKON

THE FOLKS THAT LIVED HERE
BEFORE US PASSED THINGS?

WELL, THEY PROBABLY
HAD A BIG FAMILY

AND PASSED
FROM HAND-TO-HAND.

THAT REMINDS ME,

WE'RE HAVIN' FIVE
FOR OUR THANKSGIVIN' MEAL.

YEAH, YOU ALREADY TOLD ME.

COMPANY COMIN'?

EXTRA SPECIAL COMPANY.

ELLY'S BEAU.

HAS ELLY GOT A BEAU?

SHE SURE HAS.

MR. DRYSDALE'S
STEP-BOY, SONNY.

HIM IN ELLY AIN'T NEVER
SEEN EACH OTHER YET.

SONNY AND HIS MA
JUST COME IN FROM BOSTON.

BUT MR. DRYSDALE SAYS

HIS BOY'LL BE JUST HAPPY

TO COME A COURTIN' ELLY.

I WON'T, I WON'T!

I HAVE NEVER SUBMITTED
TO A BLIND DATE BEFORE,

AND I REFUSE TO DO IT NOW!

SONNY, DEAR,

DO IT JUST THIS ONCE
FOR YOUR DADDY, IF HE...

HE'S NOT MY DADDY,

HE'S YOUR HUSBAND.

ALL RIGHT THEN,

DO IT FOR STEP-DADDY.

IT SEEMS TO MEAN
A GREAT DEAL TO HIM.

MOTHER, I'M THE
MOST POPULAR MAN

ON THE CAMPUSES
OF THREE UNIVERSITIES.

LASSER,

WELLESLEY,

AND SMITH.

TO THOSE GIRLS,

I'M AN IDOL TO BE WORSHIPPED.

I CAN'T JUST DATE ANYONE!

SONNY DEAR,

IT MIGHT BE FUN

TO DATE SOMEONE NEW,

SOMEONE YOUNG,

LOVELY, AND CHARMING.

FOR HER, YES.

BUT HOW DO I KNOW
WHAT SHE'LL LOOK LIKE?

NO!

I CAN'T!

I CAN'T.

I CAN'T.

I CAN'T!

IT MIGHT CAUSE TOO
MUCH OF A TRAUMA, MOMMA.

BUT YOUR STEP-DADDY SAYS

SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE.

AND IT SEEMS THAT
SHE'S THE DAUGHTER

OF HIS WEALTHIEST DEPOSITOR,

WHOM HE WISHES
VERY MUCH TO PLEASE.

MOTHER...

WHAT KIND OF A MAN
HAVE YOU MARRIED?

HE'S SELLING ME FOR
A RICH MAN'S GIRLI

IT'S SORDID!

OH IT IS SORDID!

IT IS SORDID!

NO, MY PRECIOUS BABY.

I KNOW IT WAS WRONG OF ME

TO MARRY A
COMMON BANK PRESIDENT.

BUT I WANTED YOU
TO HAVE EVERYTHING,

AND ALL I COULD GIVE YOU

WAS THE HERITAGE
OF A FINE OLD FAMILY,

BUT IT TAKES
MONEY TOO, DARLING.

MONEY, I HATE THAT WORD.

IT MAKES THE RICH
A SOCIAL EQUAL OF US.

OH NO, DEAR!

IT COULD NEVER DO THAT.

I WISH YOU HAD READ

THE THESIS I WROTE
ON ECONOMICS LAST WEEK.

"MONEY AND WHY
IT IS NOT IMPORTANT".

YOU KNOW,

FOR A BOY WHO'S BEEN GOING
TO COLLEGE FOR 17 YEARS,

YOU HAVEN'T
LEARNED MUCH.

MILBURN, YOU MUST NOT
THROW IT UP TO SONNY

THAT HE KEEPS
GOING TO COLLEGE.

HE'S TRYING TO FIND HIMSELF.

WELL, TAKE MY ADVICE.

DON'T LOOK.

COME ON DEAR,

LET SONNY GET
DRESSED FOR HIS DATE.

I'LL DRAW HIM A NICE HOT BATH.

TRY NOT TO DROWN.

DADDY?

JUST A MOMENT, DADDY.

YOU CALLED ME DADDY.

YOU'VE NEVER
DONE THAT BEFORE.

WELL DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

I REFUSE TO DATE
A STRANGE GIRL

JUST TO BENEFIT YOUR
ECONOMIC SITUATION.

WELL I'VE GOT
NEWS FOR YOU, SONNY.

MY ECONOMIC SITUATION

AND YOUR ECONOMIC SITUATION

HAVE A VERY
DEFINITE RELATIONSHIP.

MONEY DOESN'T INTEREST ME.

WHO STEALS MY PURSE,

STEALS TRASH!

WELL YOU WILL HAVE A DATE
WITH ELLY MAY CLAMPETT

AND YOU WILL BE NICE TO HER

OR I'LL CUT OFF EVERY
PENNY OF YOUR TRASH.

MILBURN, DID I HEAR YOU SAY
THAT IT'S THE CLAMPETT GIRL

YOU'RE ASKING SONNY TO DATE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT MY DEAR,

I HAVEN'T FINISHED
THE GENEALOGICAL CHECK

OF THEIR FAMILY TREE.

WE DON'T KNOW THAT ELLY MAY

IS SOCIALLY
ACCEPTABLE FOR SONNY.

GOOD HEAVENS.

NO YOU LISTEN TO ME, SONNY.

JED CLAMPETT IS
THRILLED AT THE PROSPECT

OF HIS DAUGHTER
HAVING A DATE WITH YOU,

A CITY BOY,

EDUCATED,

REFINED.

TO HIM YOU'RE A
KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOR,

A HANDSOME PRINCE CHARMING.

HE THINKS YOU'RE
THE GREATEST THING

THAT COULD EVER
HAPPEN TO HIS DAUGHTER.

MR. CLAMPETT SOUNDS LIKE

A VERY INTELLIGENT MAN.

I DON'T KNOW, DEAR.

"VE HEARD THE MOST
DISTURBING REPORTS

ABOUT THE CLAMPETTS.

I UNDERSTAND THEY'RE
NO BETTER THAN PEASANTS.

GOOD HEAVENS, A DATE WITHA
GIRL LIKE THAT IS UNTHINKABLE!

NOW MARGARET, I HESITATE
TO ASSERT MY AUTHORITY,

BUT UNLESS I HAVE ASSURANCE

THAT MY WISHES
WILL BE CARRIED OUT,

I'M AFRAID I WILL HAVE TO...

MOTHER!

DAD!

WHO IS THAT?

WHO IS SHE?

WHO IS WHAT, DEAR?

THAT DIVINE CREATURE

BY THE POOL NEXT DOOR.

THAT'S THE
CLAMPETT GIRL, ELLY MAY.

OH DAD, YOU'RE SENSATIONAL.

OF COURSE I'LL DATE HER.

GOOD BOY.

BUT SONNY!

SHE'S NOT A BLUE BLOOD!

THE COLOR MAY
NOT BE RIGHT, MOTHER,

BUT I SURE DIG
THAT CRAZY CONTAINER!

OOH, OOH!

WoW!

GRANNY, YOU WEARIN' PERFUME?

PURE VANILLA EXTRACT.

YOU RASCAL.

YOU GONNA HAVE
THAT STOREKEEPER'S
HEAD JUST A SPINNIN'!

THAT'S THE IDEA.

JUST BECAUSE I GOT
PLENTY OF MONEY

DON'T MEAN I HAVE
TO SPEND IT ALL.

HOWDY PA, WHAT'CHA DOIN'?

OH I'M FIXIN'
SOME TURKEY STICKERS

FOR OUR COMPANY MEAL.

OH, SAY ELLY.

YEAH PA?

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU DON'T KNOW

ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES?

NO.

HOW COME YOU TO ASK?

WELL I RECKON THEY IS
WHAT SONNY DRYSDALE

HAS BEEN A STUDYIN' AT SCHOOL,

EITHER THAT OR
HE'S PARTIAL TO 'EM.

HOW'D YOU KNOW?

WELL WHEN I MENTIONED
TO MISS HATHAWAY

THAT YOU WAS GONNA BE

KEEPIN' COMPANY
WITH SONNY DRYSDALE,

WELL SHE SAY'S, UH,

"MR. CLAMPETT" SHE SAYS,

"YOU BETTER HAVE A
TALK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER

ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES".

SHUCKS, I KNOW ALL
ABOUT THE LITTLE CRITTERS.

WELL THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED,

YOU BEING RAISED
IN THE WOODS AND ALL.

BUT I DIDN'T LET
ON TO MISS HATHAWAY,

I KNOW SHE'S JUST
TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.

GRANNY SAYS SHE'S GONNA
HAVE A TALK WITH ME

ABOUT COURTIN' AND SPARKIN'.

SHE IS?

WELL I'M GLAD OF THAT, ELLY.

I WAS KIND OF WONDERIN'

WHO WAS GONNA DO THAT.

PA, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME

ABOUT COURTIN' AND SPARKIN'?

WELL, ELLY, THAT'S SOMETHIN'

THAT A GIRL'S MA
USUALLY TELLS HER ABOUT.

WELL I AIN'T GOT NO MA,

SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME?

WELL, GRANNY'LL DO IT
WHEN SHE COMES BACK.

BUT WHAT IF SHE
DON'T GET BACK

BEFORE SONNY DRYSDALE COMES?

THEN I WON'T KNOW HOW
TO COURT AND SPARK HIM.

WELL YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO COURT AND SPARK HIM.

THAT'S WHAT A
FELLER DOES TO A GIRL.

HOW?

WHAT DOES HE DO?

WELL HE GETS HIS
SELF ALL SLICKED UP,

SHAVES REAL CLOSE,

SHINES HIS SHOES,

PUTS ON A STIFF COLLAR

AND A CLEAN SHIRT.

AND HE GOES
CALLIN' ON THE GIRL,

TOTIN' A NICE BIG

STORE-BOUGHTIN'
BOX OF CANDY.

HOT DIGGITY DOG!

I'M GONNA LIKE
COURTIN' AND SPARKIN'!

THAT'S ONLY
THE COURTIN' PART,

I AIN'T GOT TO
THE SPARKIN' YET.

WHAT'S THAT LIKE, PA?

WELL, SHE INVITES HIM

TO COME INTO THE
PARLOR AND SIT AND...

AND THEY USUALLY SIT
ON THE SOFA OR SOMETHIN’,

HIM ON ONE END,
HER ON ANOTHER.

YEAH?

WELL, THEN,

HE GOES TO CAREFULLY,

A LITTLE AT A TIME,

SCOOCHIN' DOWN TO

WHERE HE'S IN REACHIN'
DISTANCE OF THE GIRL

IS SONNY DRYSDALE
GOIN' TO DO THAT TO ME?

HE MIGHT.

AND WHEN HE DOES,

THAT'S WHEN A GIRL
HAS GOT TO BE CAREFUL.

DON'T YOU WORRY, PA.

IF THAT RASCAL GOES TO
REACHIN' FOR MY CANDY,

LL KNOCK HIM
CLEAN OFF OF THAT SOFA.

OH SONNY, YOU SEA BEAST.

YOU CREATURE
FROM THE BLUE LAGOON.

NOW, NOW, MY DEAR,

DON'T YOU FLING
YOURSELF OVERBOARD

BECAUSE I'M NOT WORTH IT.

NO, DON'T, MY DEAR.

MY DEARI

MY...

OH WELL,

THERE WERE TOO MANY
GIRLS ABOARD ANYWAY.

WE WERE BEGINNING TO LIST.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

SONNY, ARE YOU DECENT?

NOT ME,

NEVER.

COME INI!

SONNY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

MOTHER!

GIRLS ARE BEAUTIFUL;

BOYS ARE HANDSOME!

DASHING!

DEBONAIR!

YOU'RE RIGHT,

I'M BEAUTIFUL.

WELL I JUST SPOKE
TO JED CLAMPETT,

HE'S EXPECTING YOU
TO CALL THIS AFTERNOON,

MAYBE TAKE
ELLY MAY FOR A DRIVE.

AND TOMORROW,

THEY'RE EXPECTING YOU

FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER.

TWO DAYS?

GEE STEP-DAD,

NO GIRL HAS EVER
BEEN EXPOSED TO ME

FOR TWO CONSECUTIVE DAYS.

WHAT?

WELL IT MAY BE
UNLEASHING FORCES

TOO POWERFUL TO CONTROL.

WHAT IF THE CLAMPETT GIRL
GETS SERIOUS ABOUT SONNY?

WELL, WE'LL CELEBRATE WITH

THE FINEST
CHAMPAGNE MONEY CAN BUY.

OH NO, MY BABY'S NOT
READY FOR MARRIAGE.

MARGARET, HE'S 35 YEARS OLD!

I AM NOT!

I WAS A LEAP-YEAR BABY.

NOW I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS NONSENSE,

NOW YOU CLIMB INTO THAT

EXPENSIVE SPORTS
CAR I BOUGHT YOU

AND GO CALLING ON THAT GIRL

OR SO HELP ME I'LL, I'LL...

MILBURN, PLEASE.

SONNY HAS NEVER BEEN
EXPOSED TO VIOLENCE.

EVEN WHEN HE WAS BORN,

I GAVE THE DOCTOR
STRICT ORDERS

THAT HE WAS
NOT TO BE SPANKED.

BUT IT'S NOT
TOO LATE TO START.

NOW, ARE YOU GOING

OR AREN'T YOU?

I'M GOING!

I AM GOING!

SUNNY, YOU WANT
ME TO GO ALONG?

NO MOTHER, DEAR.

MORE MEAT, MR. SONNY?

WHY NO TROUBLE AT ALL.

THERE YA ARE,

WHACK OFF AS
MUCH AS YOU WANT.

UNCLE JED, WE'S BACK
FROM THE SUPERMARKET.

WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT?

THAT IS WHAT YOU
CALL A SHOPPIN' CART.

THEY'S A SIGN DOWN AT
THE SUPERMARKET THAT SAYS,

"TAKE ONE"

SO GRANNY DID.

YEAH, BUT THEY'S
INDIAN GIVERS,

THEY WANTED ME TO GIVE IT
BACK WHEN WE WERE LEAVIN'.

BUT SHE DIDN'T DO IT!

DID YA, GRANNY?

YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN'.

OH, THEY'S SWEET AS HONEY

WHEN YOU FIRST COME IN,

BUT THEY GIVE YA
A HEAP OF TROUBLE

WHEN YOU START TO LEAVE.

WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE, GRANNY?

WELL, FIRST YOU
STAND IN A LINE

WITH A KIND OF A GATE.

AND AT THAT GATE,

THERE'S A WOMAN.

SHE LOOKS AT WHAT YOU'VE GOT,

THEN SHE STARTS TO PUSH
A LOT OF LITTLE KNOBS,

AND BELLS START TO RING,

AND A DRAWER POPS OPEN

WITH A LOT OF MONEY INIT.

EW DOGGY!

THEN SHE TELLS YOU

HOW MUCH MONEY TO GIVE HER.

SHE SAYS TO ME, SHE SAYS,

"THAT'LL BE $28.25".

AND I SAYS, "NOW
YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND,

IS IT 28 OR IS IT 25"?

AND SHE SAYS TO ME,

SHE SAYS THAT'S $28.25".

WELL I'D SEEN I WASN'T
GETTING NO PLACE WITH HER,

SO I GIVE HER THE
BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

AND I PLUNKED DOWN $28,

A QUARTER AND THREE PENNIES.

WELL I'D RECKON
THAT'D PLEASE HER.

YOU'D OF THOUGHT
SO, BUT NOT HER.

AS I STARTED
THROUGH THE GATE

SHE SAYS, "HOLD ON!

MADAM, YOU'RE SHORT".

I SAID, "MAYBE SO,

BUT I'M BIG ENOUGH
TO TAKE YOU ON".

GRANNY WAS GETTING RIGHT MAD.

WELL YOU'D OF
GOT MAD TOO, JED.

AND YOU GET AFTER ELLY

ABOUT RUNNING
AROUND IN BOYS PANTS,

YOU SHOULD SEE THOSE
WOMEN IN THAT SUPERMARKET.

WAS WEARIN'
BOYS' PANTS, WAS THEY?

SOME OF 'EM WERE
IN THEIR UNDERPANTS!

NATURALLY, I WANTED TO
GET JETHRO OUT OF THERE!

NATURALLY.

AND I DID TOO!

BY DINGY,
THEY DIDN'T STOP USI

GOOD FOR YOU GRANNY.

(DOOR KNOCKER)

YOU THERE.

ME?

YES, YOU.

DOES THAT WEIRD LOOKING
VEHICLE BELONG TO YOU?

NO SIR.

CAN YOU MOVE IT?

I RECKON SO.

PLEASE DO.

IT COMPLETELY SPOILS

THE EFFECT OF MY IMPORTED 1990.

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH IT?

OH, I DON'T CARE,

JUST GET IT OUT OF SIGHT,

HIDE IT SOMEWHERE.

YES, SIR.

SONNY DRYSDALE TO
SEE MISS CLAMPETT.

OH, COME IN.

COME IN.

WHAT'CHA DOIN' JETHRO?

TRYIN' TO FIND OUT
HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING.

WHAT FER, WHO'S IS IT?

SONNY DRYSDALE'S,

HE ASKED ME TO GET IT
OUT OF SIGHT FOR HIM.

OH, HE'S JUST TRYIN’
TO SURPRISE ELLY.

WHERE'D HE SAY TO PUT IT?

OH HE JUST SAID,

"HIDE IT SOMEWHERES".

YEAH, LETS ACCOMMODATE HIM.

YOU TAKE THE FRONT END,

I'LL TAKE THE BACK,

WE'LL PUT IT BACK
IN THEM BUSHES YONDER.

OKAY.

IS HE TOTIN' A BOX
OF CANDY, GRANNY?

HE SURE IS HONEY,

ALL TIED UP WITH RIBBON.

OH ELLY,

CHILD, YOU ARE JUST BEAUTIFUL.

SHALL I SPRINKLE SOME
VANILLA EXTRACT ON YA?

YES'M

NO, I BETTER NOT.

SOMETIMES THAT
DRIVES 'EM WILD.

I DIDN'T GET TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT COURTIN' AND SPARKIN'.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT GRANNY,

PA TOLD ME.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU FOLLOW ME.

DON'T BE NERVOUS.

HERE SHE IS MR. DRYSDALE.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

DIVINE.

NEVER MIND ME,

SAY SOMETHIN' NICE TO HER.

HOLD IT JUST A MOMENT.

WHAT A VISION YOU ARE.

WHAT A PICTURE YOU MAKE,

FROM YOUR GOLDEN
HAIR DOWN TO YOUR...

IS THAT FOR ME?

YES, YES IT IS.

BETCHA I CAN GUESS WHAT IT IS.

TRY.

IS IT SOMETHING SWEET?

EXQUISITELY SWEET.

SOMETHING YUMMY?

THE YUMMIEST.

SOMETHING ALL GIRLS LIKE?

HA HA, YOU'VE GUESSED IT,

IT'S ME.

YOU CAN SLEEP WITH
IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW.

YOU WANNA COME
INTO THE PARLOR?

WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO IN THERE?

TALK ABOUT THE
BIRDS AND THE BEES.

WELL SCOO-BEE DOO.

YOU PEASANT GIRLS
DON'T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

MISS CLAMPETT,

MY LIPS LONG TO
TASTE YOUR LOVELY HAND.

ELLY, WHY DID YOU THROW HIM?

THAT RASCAL WAS
FIXIN' TO BITE ME!

MLL TAKE THE
BROOMSTICK TO HIM.

MY CAR, WHERE IS IT?

OH, IT'S HID GOOD, AIN'T IT?

AIN'T NOBODY CAN
FIND IT WHERE WE PUT IT.

YOU BIG OAF,

I'LL DESTROY YOU.

OH! OH! OH!

MOTHER!

MOTHER!

WHO WAS THAT?

SONNY DRYSDALE!

MOTHER!

MUMSY'!

HE'S A MEAN CRITTER, JED.

YEAH, PA, HE BITES!

I DID HIM A FAVOR,

AND HE COMMENCED
TO HITTIN' ME.

I CLAIM US CLAMPETTS

HAVE BEEN INSULTED
BY THE DRYSDALES.

LET'S GO FEUD 'EM!

NOW, NOW.

WHY WE CAN WHOOP 'EM WITH
ONE HAND TIED BEHIND US.

WE AIN'T GOT NO CAUSE
TO WHOOPIN', GRANNY.

NO CAUSE.

WHY JUST YESTERDAY I WENT
OVER THERE TO THE DRYSDALE'S

TO BORROW A CUP OF POSSUM FAT.

AND THAT BUTLER FELLA
THAT LIVES OVER THERE,

HE SAYS TO ME, "YOU WOULDN'T
PULL MY LEG, WOULD YA".

AND I SAID, "WELL ONE
GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER,

STICK IT UP HERE,

AND I'LL GIVE IT A YANK".

AND DO YOU KNOW THAT
HE SLAMMED THE DOOR

RIGHT IN MY FACE!

LET'S GOI!

NOW HOLD ON!

HOLD ON NOW,

WE'RE ALL GONNA CALM DOWN

AND GO NEXT DOOR

AND TALK TO MR. DRYSDALE.

WE'LL STRAIGHTEN
THIS WHOLE THING OUT.

COME ON.

THERE, THERE.

MOTHER'S BABY IS
GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

WAS IT JUST A DREADFUL
EXPERIENCE, DARLING?

DREADFUL.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

MARGARET,

SONNY,

THE CLAMPETTS ARE HERE.

THEY FOLLOWED ME.

OH.

COME IN.

WHERE'S SONNY?

HERE I AM.

WELL, WE'VE STRAIGHTENED
OUT THE MISUNDERSTANDING

AND NOW THESE PEOPLE HAVE
SOMETHING THEY WANT TO SAY.

WELL SONNY, lI...

I RECKON THIS
IS ALL MY FAULT.

I'M SORRY I WASN'T TO THE DOOR

LIKE A PROPER PA
HAD OUGHT TO BEEN.

AND I'M SORRY
I THROWED YOU SONNY,

AND I SURE DO THANK YOU

FOR THAT NICE
PICTURE YOU GIVE ME.

AND I'M SORRY YOU HURT YOUR
HAND HITTIN' ME, SONNY.

AND ME AND JETHRO WAS SORRY

THAT WE HID YOUR AUTOMOBILE.

WE TOWED IT BACK OVER

AND SET IT DOWN
IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE.

WELL I CAN'T THINK OF
NOTHIN' I'M SORRY FER.

BUT WE SURE WOULD BE PROUD

TO HAVE YA'LL COME

AND TAKE THANKSGIVING
VITTLES WITH US.

SONNY AND I WOULDN'T THINK...

OF PASSING UP
AN INVITATION LIKE THAT.

WE'LL BE THERE,

ALL OF US.

LET US SAY GRACE.

WE SURE HAVE GOT ALOT

TO BE THANKFUL FOR, LORD.

WE GOT GOOD HEALTH

AND GOOD NEIGHBORS,

GOOD FOOD,

JETHRO'S GOIN' TO SCHOOL,

ELLY'S GOT A FELLER.

I GUESS EVERYTHING
Is JUST ABOUT FINE

AND WE SURE DO THANK YOU.

AMEN.

AMEN.

WELL JETHRO,

HAND OUT THE POT PASSERS

AND THE MEAT STABBERS,

AND LET'S GET AT IT!

DIBBINS ON DRUMSTICKS!

WELL NOW IT'S TIME
TO SAY GOOD-BYE

TO JED ALL HIS KIN.

AND THEY WOULD LIKE
TO THANK YOU FOLKS

FOR KINDLY DROPPING IN.

YOU'RE ALL INVITED
BACK NEXT WEEK

TO THIS LOCALITY

TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN'

OF THEIR HOSPITALITY.

HILLBILLY THAT {S,

SETA SPELL.

TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF.

YA'LL COME BACK NOW, Y'HEAR?

THIS HAS BEEN A
FILMWAYS PRESENTATION.