The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 1, Episode 8 - Jethro Goes to School - full transcript

COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY

‘BOUT A MAN NAMED JED,

A POOR MOUNTAINEER

BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FED.

AND THEN ONE DAY

HE WAS SHOOTIN AT SOME FOOD,

AND UP THROUGH THE GROUND

COME A BUBBLING CRUDE.

OIL THAT IS,

BLACK GOLD,

TEXAS TEA.

WELL THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW

OL' JED'S A MILLIONAIRE,

THE KIN FOLKS SAID,

"JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE".

SAID, "CALIFORNY IS THE
PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE",

SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK

AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY,

HILLS THAT IS,

SWIMMING POOLS,

MOVIE STARS.

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

NOW COME ALONG AND VISIT

WITH THE CLAMPETT FAMILY

AS THEY TAKE YOU
TO THEIR MANSION

IN THE HILLS OF BEVERLY,

AND WHEN THEY
DO YOU'LL RUN INTO

A FRIEND OF
THEIRS YOU'VE MET,

THAT GOOD OLD FRIEND
WITH FILTERED BLEND,

WINSTON CIGARETTE.

WINSTON TASTES GOOD

LIKE A CIGARETTE SHOULD.

HEY, EVERYBODY!

LOOK WHAT I GOT!

UNCLE JED, GRANNY, ELLY MAY!

WE GOT A LETTER FROM MAI!

WHAT'S JETHRO YELLIN' ABOUT?

SOUNDS LIKE HE SAID
WE GOT ALITTER FROM MA.

WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION?

ELLY SAYS JETHRO SAYS
PEARL SENT US ALITTER.

A LITTER OF WHAT?

DID YOU HEAR WHAT?

NO, BUT I BET
YOU IT'S A KITTEN.

IT'S PROBABLY KITTENS.

PEARL'S ALWAYS TRYING
TO GIVE AWAY KITTENS.

WELL THERE Y'ALL ARE!

WHERE'S THE KITTENS, JETHRO?

WHAT KITTENS?

DIDN'T YOUR MA
SEND US SOME KITTENS?

JUST A MINUTE.

NOPE, JUST A LETTER.

JETHRO,

HOW COULD YOU THINK
THAT KITTENS WOULD...

WELL, COME ON, SIT DOWN,

LET'S HEAR WHAT
PEARL'S GOT TO SAY.

DEAR SON AND KINFOLK.

I TAKE PEN IN HAND

TO SAY WE ARE ALL
FINE BACK HERE.

HOW ARE YOU ALL OUT THERE?

JUST FINE, PEARL.

THAT'S RIGHT.

JETHRO, I HOPE YOU
ARE MAKING GOOD MARKS

IN SCHOOL OUT THERE.

MA THINKS
I'M GOING TO SCHOOL!

ARE YOU IN THE 5TH GRADE

LIKE YOU WOULD BE HERE?

MY DOGGIE, JETHRO,

I CLEAN FORGOT ABOUT
PUTTIN' YOU IN SCHOOL.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GET YOU STARTED TODAY.

CAN I GO TOO?

WELL, NOW,
I THINK MISS HATHAWAY'S

GOT PLANS TO PUT YOU
IN SOME GIRLS' SCHOOL.

CAN I GO TOO?

JETHRO, I JUST SAID
IT WAS A GIRLS' SCHOOL.

THAT'S WHY I WANNA GO.

I LIKE GIRLS.

I DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, GET
FINISHED WITH THE LETTER.

AFTER THAT WE'LL
TAKE CARE OF SCHOOL.

YOUR SISTER JETHRENE

HAD A NARROW ESCAPE.

A CITY DUDE TRIED TO
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HER.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, PA?

WELL, THAT, MMM,

WELL, GRANNY'LL
EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU LATER.

TELL US MORE ABOUT
THE CITY DUDE, JETHRO.

HIS NAME IS JASPER HE.

JASPER HE?

THAT'S A FUNNY NAME.

OH, THEY'S A DOT IN THERE.

HIS NAME IS JASPER.

HE WEARS PATENT LEATHER SHOES

AND SPATS ON THEM.

DON'T SOUND TOO
NEAT, DOES HE?

HE SEEN YOUR
SISTER AT THE CABIN

WHEN I WENT THERE
TO KEEP AN EYE ON IT

FOR COUSIN JED.

I KNOW WHAT PEARL WENT
THERE TO KEEP AN EYE ON

THAT MR. BREWSTER.

WELL, NOW, GRANNY.

PEARL'S A WIDOW WOMAN.

SHE GOT A RIGHT TO LOOK.

I AIN'T KNOCKIN' IT

I GOT MY EYES OPEN MYSELF.

AT FIRST I THOUGHT

THE CITY DUDE WORKED
FOR MR. BREWSTER,

SO I DROVE BACK
OUT TO THE CABIN

TO GIVE HIMA
PIECE OF MY MIND.

I COULD PUT A BUG IN
THAT MR. BREWSTER'S EAR.

LOOK OUT FOR FEATHERS.

FEATHERS?

THE MORE PEARL HAS
HER EYE ON A MAN,

THE MORE FEATHERS
SHE STICKS IN HER HAT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THREE AND EIGHT CAME IN
FLOWING 2000 BARRELS A DAY

AND IT LOOKS LIKE
THE NEW STRIKE'S

GOING TO BE EVEN BETTER.

WELL THERE IS
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT,

THIS IS ONE OF
THE RICHEST POOLS

WE'VE EVER HIT.

YEP, EVERYTHING
FROM HERE IS GOOD NEWS.

UH, WELL, NOT EVERYTHING.

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

MRS. BODINE, THIS IS
A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

WELL, THANK YOU.

ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT
THINK IT'S SO PLEASANT

WHEN YOU HEAR
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

OH?

ONE OF THEM OIL
FELLAS WORKIN' FOR YOU

HAS MADE ADD-VANCES
TO MY DAUGHTER.

MADE ADVANCES?

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL

BEING PICKED UP

AND CARRIED OFF
BY BRUTE FORCE?

WELL, I CALL THAT
MAKING ADVANCES.

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

JASPER DePUGH.

JASPER DePUGH.

I AIN'T SEEN HIM MYSELF,

BUT FROM WHAT
JETHRENE TELLS ME,

HE'S A PRETTY
SLICK ARTICLE.

OH.

OH, MR. BREWSTER,

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS

FOR TWO GIRLS LIVIN' ALONE

LIKE JETHRENE AND ME.

YOU SEE, MY SON JETHRO

IS IN CALIFORNY
WITH COUSIN JED,

LEAVING US NO
MAN TO PROTECT US.

I'M A WIDOW WOMAN, YOU KNOW.

I GUESS WHEREVER YOU HAVE

TWO UNATTACHED
GIRLS LIVING ALONE,

THERE'S BOUND TO BE TROUBLE.

ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE GIRLS ARE THE KIND

THAT MEN CALL LOOKERS.

DID YOU SAY HIS
NAME IS DePUGH?

JASPER DePUGH,

CALLS HIMSELF JAZZBO.

OH, JETHRENE SAYS
HE'S A FLASHY DRESSER

AND A FANCY TALKER

AND DRIVES A SPORTY CAR.

REGULAR BIG CITY DUDE.

I GUESS JETHRENE'S
KINDA LIKE ME

WHEN IT COMES TO TALL,

HANDSOME CITY FELLAS.

I'M JUST PUTTY IN THEIR HANDS.

NOPE, NO ONE BY THAT
NAME WORKING FOR O.K. OIL?

YOU MIND IF 1 LOOK?

WELL, NO, GO RIGHT AHEAD.

I'M BOUND AND DETERMINED

TO FIND THE RASCAL

THAT TRIFLED WITH
THE AFFECTIONS

OF MY SWEET,

INNOCENT,

HELPLESS BABY GIRL.

MAI!

JETHRENE, I THOUGHT I TOLD
YOU TO STAY IN THE BUGGY!

I SEEN JASPER DePUGH COMIN'.

HERE?

YES'M.

OH, WELL, THANK GOODNESS

WE GOT MR. BREWSTER
TO PROTECT US.

(CAR HORN)

OOH, THERE HE IS!

OOH-OOH-OOH!

MR. BREWSTER THROWED
HIS ARMS AROUND ME

AND HELD ME IN
HIS STRONG EMBRACE.

WHAT'S A EM-BRACE PA?

WELL, THAT'S WHEN FOLKS KINDA

TWINE THEIR ARMS
AROUND ONE ANOTHER.

YOU MEAN LIKE WRASSLIN'?

IT'S SORTA LIKE WRASSLIN',

‘CEPT THEY AIN'T MAD.

THIS LIKE WRASSLIN' FOR FUN.

YEAH, I REKCON
YOU CAN SAY THAT.

GO ON JETHRO.

THEN WE HEARD A
KNOCK ON THE DOOR

AND WE KNOWED
IT WAS JASPER HE.

BETTER LOOK FOR
THAT DOT AGAIN.

OH,

YEAH.

WE KNOWED IT WAS JASPER.

HE WAS THERE TO GET JETHRENE.

HER BEAUTY HAD SET
HIS HEART TO BURNIN'

WITH FLAMIN' DE-SIRE.

WHAT'S FLAMIN' DE-SIRE, PA?

WELL, GRANNY'LL
EXPLAIN THAT TO YOU LATER.

WELL,

I'LL TRY.

BUT YOU'RE SURE COUNTIN'
A HEAP ON MY MEMORY.

READ ON WITH YOUR MA'S
LETTER, THERE, JETHRO.

YEAH, IT'S GETTIN' GOOD.

ONE CITY FELLA'S GOT HIS
ARMS AROUND AUNT PEARL

AND ANOTHER'S
WAITIN' AT THE DOOR

TO GRAB COUSIN JETHRENE.

MY ONLY THOUGHT WAS
TO SAVE MY DAUGHTER.

SO I TORE LOOSE FROM
MR. BREWSTER'S EMBRACE.

I SAW JETHRENE
HEADIN' FOR THE DOOR

SO I QUICK THROWED MYSELF

BETWIXT MY CHILD AND DANGER.

SWEET INNOCENT JETHRENE,

NOT KNOWING BETTER,

LET THAT RASCAL IN.

HE WENT RIGHT TO SWEET-TALKING

IN A VOICE SMOOTHER
THAN FRESH CHURNED BUTTER.

HELLO AGAIN,

YOU GREAT BIG
BEAUTIFUL LUMP OF SUGAR.

I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING

ALL THE WAY FROM
EUREKA SPRINGS.

GENUINE ORCHIDS
GROWED IN A HOT HOUSE.

AND THIS LOVELY YOUNG GIRL

MUST BE YOUR SISTER.

I'M HER MAI!

NO!

YEAH.

WELL, FOR JETHRENE'S
BEAUTIFUL MOTHER,

A LITTLE GIFT

OF GENUINE FRENCH
IMPORTED PERFUME

ALL THE WAY FROM
PARIS, FRANCE.

OHI!

WELL YA',
YA' HADN'T A OUGHTA.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

GENUINE PARIS, FRANCE PERFUME.

LOOK AT THAT
FRENCH WRITIN' ON THERE.

THAT SAYS EAU D'AMOUR.

THAT MEANS "OH, LOVE.

AIN'T HE A SPORT, MA?

AND FOR JETHRENE'S
HANDSOME FATHER,

A GENUINE CIGARETTE CASE.

SILVER.

THANK YOU, BUT I AM
NOT JETHRENE'S FATHER.

NO, MR. BREWSTER
AIN'T MY HUSBAND.

HE'S JUST A FRIEND.

WELL, ANY FRIEND

OF JETHRENE'S
BEAUTIFUL MOTHER'S

A FRIEND OF MINE.

IT'S FROM OL' MEXICO

AND HAMMERED
OUT OF SOLID SILVER

BY THE AZTECS INDIANS

HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.

WELL, THAT BRINGS UP
AN INTERESTING QUESTION.

WHY WOULD THE AZTECS

MAKE CIGARETTE CASES

WHEN THEY HAD NO CIGARETTES?

THAT IS AN
INTERESTING QUESTION.

I'LL HAVE TO ASK SOME OF MY
AZTECS FRIENDS ABOUT THAT.

HEY, DOLL!

REMEMBER "AIN'T SHE SWEET"?

WELL I'VE WRITTEN A...

HEY! WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR ORCHID?

NOTHING.

I ATE 'EM ALREADY.

YOU MEAN YOU ATE ALL
THEM EXPENSIVE ORCHIDS?

MA, YOU SHOULDA'
SPOKE FOR ONE.

THEY WASN'T VERY FILLING.

(SINGING)
AIN'T SHE SWEET

FROM HER HEAD
DOWN TO HER FEET,

AND THAT'S A LONG WAY!

BUT 1 ASK YOU
VERY CONFIDENTIALLY

AIN'T THAT BABY SWEET?

HMM, AIN'T SHE LARGE?

BUT SHE GIVES
ME SUCH A CHARGE

lASK YOU VERY CONFIDENTIALLY

AIN'T THAT BABY LARGE?

SHE STRETCHES OUT

IN ALL DIRECTIONS

i'M GONNA SHOUT,

LORDY, THAT'S PERFECTION

ARE YOU WITH ME?

AIN'T SHE KEEN?

WELL, THAT'S THE
MOST I'VE EVER SEEN

AND I'M HERE TO TELL You

l'M HER DING-DONG DADDY

AND SHE'S MY QUEEN.

AND SHE IS KING-SIZED,

MY JETHRENE

HER LOTS A MAMA

MY JETHRENE

SHE CARRIES ME AWAY...

JETHRENE, PUT HIM DOWN!

SO YOUR SISTER JETHRENE

HAS GOT HERSELF
A STEADY FELLA NOW.

HE SAYS HE IS GOING TO

ASK FOR HER HAND SOMEDAY.

I HOPE HE WILL TAKE

THE REST OF HER TOO.

HA HA.

WITH MY LOVE TO ALL,

AND BE A GOOD BOY.

I AM GOING OUT NOW

TO MAIL THIS LETTER

AND GET SOME MORE
FEATHERS FOR MY HAT.

HA HA.

AS EVER, YOUR LOVIN' MOTHER.

IT'S SURE NICE
TO HEAR FROM MA.

(ALL AGREEING)

JETHRO,

YOU AND ME GOT
TO GO RIGHT OUT

AND FIND A SCHOOL

AND GET YOU TO GOIN'.

GRANNY,

YOU PACK UP A NICE LUNCH

FOR JETHRO TO TOTE ALONG.

HOW ABOUT A BIG MESS

OF POKE GREENS, AND CHITLINS

WITH SOME PONE AND A BIG
POT OF SORGHUM TO DIP IT IN.

FINE!

AW, GRANNY, IT DON'T
HAVE TO BE THAT FANCY.

SOME OF THE OTHER BOYS
HERE IN BEVERLY HILLS

MIGHT NOT HAVE IT SO GOOD.

THEY'D GO TO COMPLAININ'
TO THEIR FOLKS.

LET 'EM COMPLAIN.

IT AIN'T GONNA HURT NONE

TO RAISE THEIR
STANDARD A LITTLE.

I'LL GET THE TRUCK, UNCLE JED.

PA, PLEASE LET
ME GO WITH JETHRO.

I CAN HELP HIM FIGHT

IF THE BIG KIDS
IN THE 5TH GRADE

GOES TO PICKIN' ON HIM.

NOW, ELLY, I KNOW FOR
SURE THAT MISS HATHAWAY

HAS GOT OTHER PLANS
FOR YOUR SCHOOLIN'.

BUT WITH JETHRO GONE,

I WON'T HAVE
NOBODY TO PLAY WITH.

OH, YES YOU WILL.

I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.

MR. DRYSDALE'S STEPSON

IS COMIN' HOME
FOR THANKSGIVING

AND HE'S GONNA BE
LIVIN' RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

AND YOU CAN PLAY WITH HIM.

MR. DRYSDALE GIVE ME
SOME PICTURES OF HIM.

HERE'S SOME
PICTURES OF SONNY,

THAT'S WHAT THEY
CALL HIM, SONNY.

HE'S BEEN GOING
TO ALOT OF SCHOOLS

AND HE OUGHTA KNOW SOME
REAL GOOD GAMES TO PLAY.

AIN'T HE SOMETHING?

YEAH, BUT WHAT?

WHY, HE'S A BOY.

ARE YOU SURE?

NOW ELLY, JUST
BECAUSE HE'S WEARING...

(CAR HORN}

THERE'S JETHRO.

NOW YOU KEEP THINKIN’
ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN

YOU'RE GONNA BE
HAVING WITH HIM

RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

YOU KNOW, HE DOES KINDA
FAVOR THAT MOVIE ACTOR

RUDOLPH VALENTINO.

HERE'S JETHRO'S LUNCH.

I DIDN'T HAVE
TIME TO FIX MUCH,

BUT IT'LL HOLD HIM

TILL HE GETS HOME FROM SCHOOL.

I PUT ALITTLE
SURPRISE IN THERE.

I BEEN SAVIN' IT
FOR A SPECIAL DAY

AND I RECKON THIS IS IT.

WHAT IS IT, GRANNY?

DEVILED HAWK EGGS.

WHOO, DOGGY.

MAKES ME WISH
I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL.

IT'S A SCHOOL ALL RIGHT.

MILLICENT, SCHUYLER AND POTTS.

I RECKON THEM
THREE IS THE TEACHERS.

THREE TEACHERS.

MUST BE AN AWFUL BIG SCHOOL.

I'LL SAY.

WELL, LET'S GO IN
THERE AND GET YOU STARTED.

THERE YOU ARE.

MAY I HELP YOU?

WELL, I RECKON MAYBE YOU CAN.

DIANA,

SOMEONE HAS PARKED

A MOST DISREPUTABLE
LOOKING VEHICLE

OUTSIDE MY WINDOW.

PERHAPS IT WAS,
UH, THESE GENTLEMEN.

OH?

YES?

WHAT IS IT YOU WISH?

WELL, I'D LIKE TO GET MY
NEPHEW STARTED INTO SCHOOL.

HERE?

YEAH, HERE'S ALL RIGHT

IF YOU GOT ROOM FOR A DESK

AND HIS LUNCH BASKET.

MY DEAR MAN,

THIS IS A MOST
EXCLUSIVE PRIVATE SCHOOL.

THE TUITION IS
QUITE EXPENSIVE.

WELL BEYOND YOUR
MEANS, I'M SURE.

DOES THAT MEAN IT
COSTS ALOT OF MONEY?

THAT IS PRECISELY
WHAT IT MEANS.

WELL, I CAN PAY YA' IF
IT ISN'T OVER $25 MILLION.

$25 MILLION?

YES, MA'AM.

THAT'S ALL 1 GOT.

DOLLARS?

YES, MA'AM.

IN CASH.

YES, MA'AM.

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY
A PRACTICAL JOKE

PERPETRATED BY ONE OF
MY ENVIOUS COMPETITORS.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

JED CLAMPETT,
MA'AM AND THIS HERE'S...

AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE

THAT YOU HAVE
25 MILLION DOLLARS?

WELL, NO, NOT ON ME MA'AMN,

BUT MY NEIGHBOR, MR. DRYSDALE,

HE'S KEEPING IT
IN HIS BANK FOR ME.

GET ME MILBURN DRYSDALE
AT THE COMMERCE BANK.

YOU SEE, IT JUST SO HAPPENS

THAT MR. DRYSDALE HOLDS THE
MORTGAGE ON THIS SCHOOL,

SO WE ARE VERY
WELL ACQUAINTED.

HELLO?

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO
MR. MILBURN DRYSDALE

NOW, IF YOU WISH TO
ADMIT THAT THIS IS A HOAX

AND BE ON YOUR WAY,

WE WILL FORGET
THE ENTIRE INCIDENT.

OTHERWISE, YOU MAY BE
LIABLE TO SOME SORT OF ACTION

FOR INVASION
OF PRIVATE PROPERTY

AND IMPERSONATING
A MILLIONAIRE.

MRS. POTTS, MR. DRYSDALE
IS COMING ON THE LINE NOW.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS YOUR LAST
CHANCE, MR. CLAMPETT.

MY NEXT CALL WILL
BE TO THE POLICE.

VERY WELL.

MR. DRYSDALE.

MILLICENT
SCHUYLAR POTTS HERE.

COME IN, COME IN,
COME IN, COME IN.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

DIANA, TEA FOR
THESE GENTLEMEN.

CRUMPET?

NO MA'AM, CLAMPETT.

DIANA, USE THE SPODE TEA SET.

WELL, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN,

SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US.

ELLY MAY AND
GRANNY DIDN'T COME.

YES, WELL, DO MAKE
YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

MR. DRYSDALE'S EXACT
WORDS TO ME WERE,

WELL, NEVER MIND
HIS EXACT WORDS.

APPARENTLY HE VALUES
YOUR FRIENDSHIP GREATLY

AND MR. DRYSDALE IS
A VERY IMPORTANT MORTGAGE,

MAN.

WELL, NOW THEN,

SHALL WE TALK
ABOUT YOUR YOUNGSTER

WHO'S ENTERING
OUR 5TH GRADE?

WHAT IS HIS NAME?

JETHRO BODINE.

BODINE,

JETHRO.

NO MA'AM,

JETHRO BODINE.

WE ALWAYS PUT
THE LAST NAME FIRST.

NOW, MALE, OF COURSE.

YES, MA'AM.

JUST GOTA
LETTER THIS MORNING.

DATE OF BIRTH?

DECEMBER THE 4TH.

YEAR?

NO, MA'AM.

BACK HOME.

WE ONLY BEEN
'YERE A FEW WEEKS.

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS

FOR OUR VITAL STATISTICS.

NOW WE NEED TO KNOW
THE COMPLETE BIRTH DATE,

WHICH IN TURN
GIVES US THE EXACT AGE.

NOW WE HAVE DECEMBER 4TH,

AND JUDGING FROM THE FACT

THAT YOUR NEPHEW IS
ENTERING THE 5TH GRADE,

I WOULD SURMISE

THAT THE YEAR IS '51 OR '52.

AM I CORRECT?

OH, NO, JETHRO
AIN'T NEAR THAT OLD.

OH REALLY?

AND IN THE 5TH GRADE?

WHY THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WELL PERHAPS WE HAVE A
BUDDING GENIUS ON OUR HANDS.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

ENTREE.

I'LL POUR.

OH DIANA, I'D LIKE YOU
TO BRING ME ONE OF OUR

BOYS' UNIFORMS
TO SHOW THESE GENTLEMEN.

A 5TH GRADE SIZE.

NO, NO, ON SECOND THOUGHT

YOU'D BETTER
MAKE IT 3RD GRADE.

HE'S YOUNGER THAN AVERAGE.

YES, MRS. POTTS.

WE REQUIRE THAT
ALL OF OUR STUDENTS

WEAR IDENTICAL UNIFORMS.

IT MAKES FOR LESS
FRICTION THAT WAY.

OTHERWISE THE
BOYS OF MILLIONAIRES

ARE APT TO BE TAUNTED
BY THE REALLY RICH.

I BETCHA JETHRO'LL LOOK
RIGHT GOOD IN A UNIFORM.

HE CAN'T WAIT TO BE A SOLDIER.

YES, MANY A YOUNG
LAD DECIDE THAT,

HOWEVER, OUR UNIFORMS
DO NOT REFLECT

ANY MILITARISTIC DESIGN.

NO, RATHER, WE STRIVE
FOR SOMETHING GAY,

ATTRACTIVE, AND SMART.

OH, THERE YOU ARE!

CHARMING, ISN'T IT?

NOW YOU TAKE THIS HOME

AND HAVE JETHRO WEAR IT

WHEN HE COMES TO
SCHOOL IN THE MORNING.

WEAR THIS?

I'M AFRAID GRANNY'LL
HAVE TO MAKE

CONSIDERABLE CHANGES IN THIS

BEFORE IT'LL FIT JETHRO.

SO TINY?

YEAH.

AND IN THE 5TH GRADE?

WELL, THE BOY
MUST BE A GENIUS.

WELL, YOU MAY BE VERY SURE

THAT WE WILL BRING HIM OUT.

IF HE WEARS
THIS HE'LL BUST OUT.

NOW THEN, HOW DO YOU
GENTLEMEN LIKE YOUR TEA?

UM, WE DON'T KNOW, MA'AM.

WE AIN'T TASTED IT YET.

OH, YOU ARE THE FUN
LOVING ONE, AREN'T YOU?

YES, MA'AM.

GRANNY, HERE'S
JETHRO'S SCHOOL CLOTHES.

YOU WANT ME TO
HELP LET 'EM OUT?

OH, WELL, THANK YOU ELLY

BUT LET'S SEE
WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.

MAYBE THEY FIT HIM ALREADY.

THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A HAT?

I RECKON SO.

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, JETHRO SAYS
IT STANDS FOR POTTS.

POTTS?

THAT'S THE SCHOOL
HE'S GOING TO.

POTTS SCHOOL.

WELL, HE'LL BE
LEARNING A GOOD TRADE.

IF THERE'S SOMETHING
FOLKS ALWAYS NEEDS,

IT'S POTS.

JETHRO CAN MAKE YOU
SOME DANDY NEW ONES,

ONCE HE CATCHES ON TOUT.

WHO IN THE SAM HILL IS
SUPPOSED TO WEAR THAT?

WELL, JETHRO, I RECKON.

JETHRO COULDN'T
A WORE THAT AT 3!

WELL PA SAID IT WOULD
TAKE SOME LETTIN' OUT.

LETTIN' OUT?

THERE AIN'T ENOUGH
SEAMS IN THE WHOLE WORLD

TO LET THAT OUT.

HOW'S IT GOING, GRANNY?

ARE YOU GETTING MY
UNIFORM ALL READY?

JETHRO BODINE...

NO'M, GRANNY.

OVER AT THE SCHOOL
IT'S BODINE JETHRO.

ELLY MAY, LEAVE THE ROOM.

AIN'T YOU GOT NO SHAME

RUNNIN' AROUND HERE
IN YOUR UNDERPANTS?

GRANNY, THESE
AIN'T UNDERPANTS

THE Y'S SWIMMIN' TRUNKS.

YOU WRAP THAT
TOWEL AROUND YOU

BEFORE I CUT A SWITCH.

BUT GRANNY,
MISS HATHAWAY SAYS...

I DON'T CARE WHO SAYS WHAT!

LL BE GLAD WHEN
YOUR MA GETS OUT HERE

TO TAKE YOU IN HAND.

AND TO MAKE YOU
SOME SCHOOL CLOTHES.

THESE THINGS
AIN'T NEVER GONNA FIT.

BUT GRANNY, I GOTTA
HAVE THESE IN THE MORNIN'.

IT'S A RULE.

ALL US KIDS OVER
THERE'S GOTTA WEAR THESE.

AND THAT COAT TOO.

WELL,

I SURE WISH
YOUR MA WAS HERE

WITH HER SEWING MACHINE.

PEARL'S A WHIZ
AT MAKING CLOTHES.

NOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA
BE KEEPING COMPANY

WITH JAZZBO DePUGH,

YOU'RE GONNA NEED
SOME NICE CLOTHES.

I LIKE THE LITTLE FELLA, MA.

I'M GLAD, JETHRENE.

BUT YOU GOTTA STOP

PICKIN' HIM UP ALL THE TIME.

HE AIN'T HEAVY.

THAT AIN'T THE POINT.

IT DON'T LOOK
FITTIN' FOR A GIRL

TO RUN AROUND
CARRYING A FELLA.

ALL RIGHT,

I WON'T PICK HIM UP ANYMORE.

UNTIL WE GET MARRIED.

WHY WOULD YOU
PICK HIM UP THEN?

TO CARRY HIM
OVER THE THRESHOLD.

YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO CARRY HIM,

HE'S SUPPOSED TO CARRY...

NO, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

I DECLARE, I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GONNA KEEP YOU IN CLOTHES

THE WAY YOU'RE SHOOTING UP.

I START A NEW OUTFIT

AND BY THE TIME I GET
IT STITCHED TOGETHER,

YOU'VE OUTGROWED IT.

MY NEW SHOES IS ALREADY

TOO TIGHT FOR MY FEET.

OH, THEM FEET.

IF THEY GET ANY BIGGER,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

GO OUTSIDE TO TURN AROUND.

MY FEET AIN'T
AS BIG AS JETHRO'S.

WELL, OF COURSE NOT!

HE'S A BOY.

JUST THINK,

YOUR BROTHER
JETHRO'S GOING TO SCHOOL

IN BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNY.

YEAH.

I'M HOMESICK
FOR TO SEE HIM, MA.

ME TOO, JETHRENE.

I'LL BET YOUR RICH UNCLE JED

HAS JETHRO DUDED UP

LIKE ONE OF THEM ACTORS

IN MOVIE PICTURES.

OOOH!

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THESE
BEVERLY HILLS SCHOOLS.

WEARING THAT UNIFORM

AIN'T GONNA MAKE
YOU NO SMARTER.

MRS. POTTS SAID I HAD
TO WEAR IT THIS MORNING.

AND SHE'S THE BOSS TEACHER.

(DOOR CHIMES)

(DOOR CHIMES)

(DOOR CHIMES)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

DANGED IF JETHRO AIN'T RIGHT.

EVERY TIME THAT MUSIC PLAYS,

SOMEBODY COMES TO THE DOOR.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

SURPRISE.

SURPRISE.

WELL, GOOD MORNING,
MISS POTTS.

I DECIDED TO COME BY

AND DRIVE OUR DIMINUTIVE
GENIUS TO SCHOOL MYSELF.

OUR WHAT?

YOUR NEPHEW JETHRO.

OH, YES MA'AM.

JETHRO!

COME ON DOWN HERE,

YOU GOT A RIDE TO SCHOOL!

WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY
NICE OF YOU MA'AM.

OH, TUT, TUT, TUT.

I'M GOING TO GIVE THE BOY

MY PERSONAL
SPECIAL ATTENTION.

I FEEL THAT WHEN ONE...

WELL, HOWDY THERE,
MRS. POTTS.

YOU COME TO TAKE ME TO SCHOOL?

YOU BET SHE IS.

I WANT YOU TO BE A GOOD
BOY AND MAKE GOOD MARKS

SO YOUR MA WILL
BE PROUD OF YOU.

THIS IS YOUR NEPHEW?

YES, MA'AM.

YOU MET HIM
YESTERDAY, REMEMBER?

‘COURSE HE DOES LOOK A MITE
DIFFERENT IN HIS UNIFORM.

GRANNY HAD A TIME
GETTIN' IT TO FIT,

BUT SHE DONE IT.

YOU ARE IN THE 5TH GRADE?

OH, YES, MA'AM.

JUST FINISHED
3 YEARS IN THE 4TH.

BUT I CAN'T.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

OH, THAT AIN'T NOTHING.

HE GOT THROUGH THE
1ST GRADE IN ONLY 2 YEARS.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES

CAN I ALLOW THIS.

WELL, SAY,

HERE COMES MR. DRYSDALE.

I RECKON HE'S COMING TO
SEE JETHRO OFF TO SCHOOL.

WELL,

COME ALONG, JETHRO.

HIPPITY HOP,

THIS IS THE WAY
WE GO TO SCHOOL,

GO TO SCHOOL,

GO TO SCHOOL.

THIS IS THE WAY
WE GO TO SCHOOL...

HERE'S JETHRO'S LUNCH!

OH, JETHRO!

YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCHI

NOW, JETHRO, YOU SHARE
YOUR GRITS AND FAT BACK

WITH MRS. POTTS TODAY.

WELL NOWIT'S
TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

TO JED AND ALL HIS KIN.

THEY WOULD LIKE
TO THANK YOU FOLKS

FOR KINDLY DROPPIN' IN.

YOU'RE ALL INVITED
BACK NEXT WEEK

TO THIS LOCALITY.

TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN'

OF THEIR HOSPITALITY.

HILLBILLY, THAT IS,

SET A SPELL,

TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF.

Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, Y'HEAR?

THIS HAS BEEN A
FILMWAYS PRESENTATION.