The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–1971): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Servants - full transcript

Ellie May starts wearing dresses but takes it as an insult when someone says she looks like a city girl. Mr. Drysdale talks Jed into taking in his butler and upstairs girl in a plan to civilize the Clampetts, but they don't quite understand the idea of servants. Miss Hathaway takes Jethro bowling and begins to show an interest in him.

COME AND LISTEN TO MY STORY

‘BOUT A MAN NAMED JED,

A POOR MOUNTAINEER

BARELY KEPT HIS FAMILY FED.

AND THEN ONE DAY

HE WAS SHOOTIN AT SOME FOOD,

AND UP THROUGH THE GROUND

COME A BUBBLING CRUDE.

OIL THAT IS,

BLACK GOLD,

TEXAS TEA.

WELL THE FIRST THING YOU KNOW

OL' JED'S A MILLIONAIRE,

THE KIN FOLKS SAID,

"JED, MOVE AWAY FROM THERE".

SAID, "CALIFORNY IS THE
PLACE YOU OUGHT TO BE",

SO THEY LOADED UP THE TRUCK

AND THEY MOVED TO BEVERLY,

HILLS THAT IS,

SWIMMING POOLS,

MOVIE STARS.

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

NOW COME ALONG AND VISIT

WITH THE CLAMPETT FAMILY

AS THEY LEARN THE
SIMPLE PLEASURES

OF THE HILLS OF BEVERLY,

AND THAT INCLUDES THE PRODUCTS

OF YOUR SPONSOR OF THE WEEK,

THE CEREALS OF KELLOGG'S,

KELLOGG'S A BATTLE CREEK,

K-E DOUBLE L, O DOUBLE GOOD

KELLOGG'S BEST TO You.

(SINGING)
DID SHE BAKE A CHERRY PIE,

BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY,

DID SHE BAKE
A CHERRY PIE,

CHARMING BILLY?

SHE CAN BAKE A CHERRY PIE

QUICK AS A CAT
CAN WINK HER EYE.

SHE'S A YOUNG THING

AND CANNOT LEAVE HER MOTHER.

WELL GRANNY,

DID YOU PICK OUT YOUR
SPOT YET FOR THE GARDEN?

YEP,

I KINDA FAVOR A PATCH

RIGHT CLOSE
HERE TO THE HOUSE.

YEAH, WELL,

PLOW YOU UP
SOME THERE DIRECTLY.

JUST ENOUGH FOR SOME
ONIONS AND TATERS

AND SOME RUDYBAKERS

AND A FEW ROWS OF CORN.

PA?

MORNING GRANNY,

PA, CAN I HELP YOU

WITH THE PLOWIN'
AND THE SPADIN'?

WELL, ELLY,

I'D RATHER YOU PUT ON ONE
OF THEM PRETTY DRESSES

THAT MISS HATHAWAY GOT YOU.

BUT, PA, I CAN PLOW
BETTER IN THESE CLOTHES.

I DON'T MEAN FOR PLOWING.

YOU KNOW ELLY,

I'D LIKE YOU TO WEAR ONE OF
THEM DRESSES KINDA REGULAR.

WOULDN'T YOU GRANNY?

YOU'RE MIGHTY FETCHIN'
IN A DRESS, ELLY.

PRETTIER THAN A TUB
OF FRESH CHURNED BUTTER.

PAW, IF I GO TO
WEARIN' THEM DRESSES,

JETHRO'LL MAKE FUN OF ME.

I RECKON HE HADN'T BETTER.

NOW, YOU RUN ALONG

AND PUT ON SOMETHIN
WITH A SKIRT.

ALL RIGHT,

BUT HE HADN'T
BETTER MAKE FUN.

HE WON'T, HE WON'T.

YOU KNOW,
SPEAKIN' OF JETHRO,

I THINK HE'S GOT
HIMSELF A SWEETHEART.

THE BANKER'S SECRETARY?

THAT'S RIGHT,

THEY WAS OUT
TOGETHER LAST NIGHT.

WHAT'D THEY DO?

WELL, I DON'T
RIGHTLY KNOW FOR SURE,

BUT IT WAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH BOWLS.

ALL YOU DO
WITH BOWLS IS EAT.

WELL, I RECKON THAT'S
WHAT IT WAS THEN.

SHE SAID SHE WAS
GONNA TAKE HIM BOWLIN'.

YOU KNOW JED,

I KINDA LIKE
THAT MISS HATHAWAY.

YEAH, I THINK SHE
KINDA LIKES US, TOO.

OH, THOSE
MARVELOUS CLAMPETTS,

THEY'RE SIMPLE,
RUGGED, MOUNTAIN PEOPLE.

THE MORE I SEE OF THEM,

THE MORE I AM IMPRESSED.

YES, NOW, I HAVE...

NEVER I OBSERVED
SUCH STRENGTH IN BODY,

MIND, AND CHARACTER.

YES, NOW I...

THEY STAND LIKE A BOULDER

IN THE PEBBLE STRUNG
LANDSCAPE OF BEVERLY HILLS,

LIKE MIGHTY OAKS,
AMONG BUSHES,

LIKE...

LIKE QUIET!

LOOK, I ADMIRE THEM TOO.

BUT THOSE BOULDERS
NEED POLISHING,

AND WE'VE GOT TO PUT SOME
CITY LEAVES ON THOSE OAKS

BEFORE MY WIFE
GETS BACK FROM BOSTON.

INCIDENTALLY,

IN ANY ENDEAVOR REQUIRING
PHYSICAL STRENGTH,

THEY ARE MOST EXCEPTIONAL.

I TOOK JETHRO
BOWLING LAST NIGHT.

HERE'S THE BILL.

$3,000.

HOW MANY GAMES
DID YOU BOWL?

SEE, WHAT HAPPENED WAS THIS,

I SAID TO JETHRO,

"PICK UP THAT
BOWLING BALL," SHE SAYS,

"AND SEE CAN YOU KNOCK OVER

THEM PINS DOWN YONDER."

THE Y'S JUST STICKS.

ANYWAY, I SNATCHES
UP THAT RASCAL,

DRAWS BACK

AND LET'S HER FLY.

DID YOU KNOCK DOWN THEM PINS?

YEAH,

THE PINS,

THE PIN BOY,

THE END OF THE BUILDING,

A BRICK WALL,

AND A SIGN BOARD DOWN
ON SUNSET BOULEVARD.

I BET YOU MISS JANE
DIDN'T DO THAT GOOD.

WELL, SHE DIDN'T' EVEN TRY.

WELL, SHE JUST
LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS,

"JETHRO, YOU'RE
STRONG AS AN OX

AND TWICE AS HANDSOME."

AIN'T NO TWO WAYS
ABOUT IT, GRANNY,

THAT CITY GIRL IS
SWEET ON THIS BOY.

I RECKON SO

THE WAY SHE'S
BRAGGIN' ON HIS LOOKS.

YOU ARE
HANDSOMER THAN AN OX.

THANK YOU, GRANNY.

COUSIN ELLY,

YOU'RE A CITY GIRL NOW,

DO YOU THINK...

YOU SEE THAT PA,

I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN

IF I TOOK TO
WEARING THESE DRESSES.

YOU CALL ME THAT AGAIN,

AND I'LL TURN YOU
EVERY WAY BUT LOOSE.

I DIDN'T SAY NOTHIN’,
BUT CITY GAL.

ELLY MAY CLAMPETT,

YOU GET UP FROM THERE

OR YOU'RE GOIN'
ACROSS MY KNEE.

AND JETHRO,
YOU'RE GOIN' ACROSS MINE.

WHAT DID I DO THAT
WAS SO ALL FIRED BAD?

IN THAT DRESS,

SHE LOOKS JUST
LIKE A CITY GAL.

YOU DID IT AGAIN.

I RECKON WE BETTER
GO OUT THERE

AND SEE SHE DON'T HURT HIM.

ELLY MAY, LEAVE ME BE!

LEAVE ME BE, ELLY MAY!

(SCREAMING)

JETHRO, NOW, THAT
WE'S LIVIN' IN THE CITY,

YOU GOT TO LEARN
TO USE THE STEPS.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW

THAT I MAKING SPLENDID
PROGRESS WITH ELLY MAY.

SHE'S TURNING
INTO QUITE A LADY.

FINE,

IT'S JED, GRANNY AND
JETHRO WE'VE GOT TO WORK ON,

CLOTHES, MANNERS, THE WORKS.

WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE ABOUT SERVANTS?

THAT'S A PROBLEM, CHIEF.

THEY'RE BASICALLY A
OPPOSED TO THE WHOLE IDEA

OF ABLE-BODIED PEOPLE

LETTING OTHERS DO
THEIR WORK FOR THEM.

WELL, THAT'S A
REFRESHING ATTITUDE,

BUT WE'VE GOT TO
GET A SKELETON STAFF

IN THERE SOMEHOW,

A COMBINATION
BUTLER AND VALET

FOR JED AND JETHRO

TO HELP THEM
ASSEMBLE A WARDROBE,

TEACH THEM HOW...

RAVENSWOOD.

YOUR BUTLER?

HE'S NEVER BEEN MY BUTLER,

CAME WITH MY WIFE

LIKE AN OVERWEIGHT DOWRY,

BEEN IN HER
FAMILY FOR YEARS.

AND WITH MARGARET IN BOSTON,

I CAN CERTAINLY SPARE HIM,

PLUS HER UPSTAIRS GIRL, MARIE.

I DOUBT IF YOU CAN
SELL MR. CLAMPETT

ON THE IDEA OF SERVANTS.

GET HIM ON THE PHONE.

I'LL MAKE HIM THINK
HE'S DOING ME A FAVOR

BY TAKING 'EM OFF
MY HANDS FOR A WHILE.

RIGHT, CHIEF.

SHE HADN'T OUGHTA THROWED ME

DOWN ON MY HEAD LIKE THAT.

WHAT IF I'D A BEEN
CARRYIN' A FROG IN MY HAT?

YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE WEARING YOUR HAT

IN THE HOUSE.

WELL GRANNY, WHERE'S A
FELLA GONNA CARRY A FROG?

THEY JUMP
OUT OF YOUR POCKETS.

(PHONE RINGING)

HELLO?

OH, HI THERE MR. DRYSDALE,

GLAD TO HAVE YOU
BACK FROM BOSTON.

YOUR MISS'S COME WITH YOU?

OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

I KNOW HER AND
GRANNY'D HIT IT OFF

LIKE TWO SOWS
IN A MUD WALLER.

YEAH, YES,
I'M SURE THEY WOULD.

RECIPES?

NO, NO, MY WIFE
DOESN'T DO MUCH COOKING.

NO, I DOUBT IF SHE EVER
MADE GRITS AND HOG JOWLS.

WELL, HOW ABOUT MUSTARD
GREENS AND POSSUM BELLY?

NO FOOLING.

PONE AND SQUIRREL SHANK?

HUM.

BOILED CHICKEN HAWK?

WELL, SAY, SHE DON'T
DO MUCH COOKIN' DO SHE?

NO.

WELL, THE REASON
I CALLED MR. CLAMPETT IS,

I HAVE A BUTLER.

WELL, HE REALLY BELONGS
TO MY WIFE'S FAMILY,

BUT HE'S BEEN WITH US

EVER SINCE WE WERE MARRIED,

AND I WAS WONDERING

IF YOU'D LET HIM COME AND
STAY WITH YOU FOR A WHILE.

YOU MEAN BOARD WITH US?

WELL, I GUESS YOU
COULD CALL IT THAT.

WHO'S GONNA BOARD WITH US?

JUST A MINUTE.

SOME KIN OF
MRS. DRYSDALE NAMED BUTLER.

OH, WHY WE'D BE JUST...

THAT'S THAT NO
GOOD FAT RASCAL

THAT WOULDN'T
LET ELLY AND ME IN

TO HELP MISS DRYSDALE

WHEN SHE WAS SOBERIN' UP.

HELLO?

GRANNY WAS TALKIN' AT ME,

BUT SHE'S DONE NOW.

OH NO, SHE AIN'T.

JUST A MINUTE...

GRANNY, LET ME
HEAR THE MAN OUT

AND THEN WE CAN TALK IT OVER.

YES, SIR, MR. DRYSDALE,

I'M A LISTENIN' NOW.

WELL, IN ADDITION
TO RAVENSWOOD,

HE'S THE BUTLER,

YOU CAN ALSO HAVE MY
WIFE'S UPSTAIRS GIRL, MARIE.

MARGARET MAY BE
AWAY FOR SOME TIME

AND I HAVE ABSOLUTELY
NO USE FOR 'EM.

WELL, I SURE
WOULD LIKE TO OBLIGE.

ME AND
GRANNY'LL TALK IT OVER

AND I'LL CALL YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU,

YOU'LL BE DOING
ME A GREAT FAVOR.

ALWAYS GLAD TO
HELP OUT WHEN I CAN.

THANK YOU AGAIN,
MR. CLAMPETT,

AND GOOD-BYE.

IS SOMEBODY COMIN' TO
LIVE WITH US, UNCLE JED?

MAYBE JETHRO, MAYBE.

WHY DON'T DO YOU GO OUT

AND MAKE UP WITH
YOUR COUSIN ELLY.

OKAY, UNCLE JED.

ALL RIGHT JED,

LET'S HAVE IT.

WE GONNA BOARD
THAT BUTLER FELLA?

WELL, MR. DRYSDALE'LL TAKE
IT MIGHTY KINDLY IF WE DID.

HE SAYS HE AIN'T
GOT NO USE FOR 'EM.

I DON'T LIKE 'EM MYSELF.

GRANNY,

YOU ONLY MET HIM ONCE.

ONCE WAS ENOUGH.

I ASKED HIM REAL NICE.

I SAID, "ARE YOU A DOIN"
FOR MRS. DRYSDALE

THAT SHE'S FEELING POORLY?

ARE YOU DOING THE WASHING,

AND THE SCRUBBING,

AND THE CLEANING FOR HER?"

AND HE LOOKED RIGHT DOWN
HIS NOSE AT ME AND SAYS,

"MADAM, I AM A BUTLER."

I RECKON HE IS
PROUD OF HIS NAME,

IT'S KINDA FANCY,

RAVENSWOOD BUTLER.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S
STONEWALL JACKSON.

AND I THINK MR. DRYSDALE
HAS A LOT OF GALL

TO ASK US TO TAKE HIS WIFE'S
KINFOLKS OFF HIS HANDS.

WELL, NOW, I'M
MIGHTY BEHOLDEN TO HIM.

YOU KNOW, HE'S KEEPING MY
$25 MILLION IN HIS BANK,

AND HE AIN'T CHARGING
ME ONE PENNY TO DO IT.

THAT'S HIS BUSINESS.

YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM TO DOUIT.

WELL, NOW, GRANNY,

IF IT WAS JUST MR. BUTLER,

I MIGHT AGREE WITH YOU,

BUT THERE'S A SAD
SIDE TO THE STORY TOO.

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, YOU'VE HEARD
OF MR. DRYSDALE

SPEAK OF HIS STEPSON,

THAT'S HIS WIFE'S BOY
BY HER FIRST MARRIAGE.

THE ONE THEY CALL SONNY?

YEAH, WELL, IT SEEMS
SHE'S GOT A GIRL TOO,

AND THERE MUST BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER.

WHAT?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
BUT THEY KEEP HER UPSTAIRS.

NO?

YEAH, HE SPOKE OF HER

AS MY WIFE'S UPSTAIRS GIRL.

OH, THE POOR THING.

HER NAME'S MARIE,

AND HE'D LIKE US TO
TAKE HER AND MR. BUTLER.

DOGGONE IT JED,

WE GOT ENOUGH TO DO

TO TAKE CARE OF THIS
BIG PLACE WITHOUT...

HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT
WAS AILING HER, HUH?

WELL, NO, BUT IF YOU ASK ME,

THEY AIN'T EATIN'
RIGHT OVER THERE.

NO?

YOU KNOW WHAT
MR. DRYSDALE TOLD ME?

WHAT?

HIS WIFE AIN'T NEVER
COOKED GRITS AND HOG JOWLS.

AH, GO ON.

THAT'S A FACT.

NOR MUSTARD GREENS

AND POSSUM BELLY,

NOR PONE AND SQUIRREL SHANK,

NOR EVEN BOILED CHICKEN HAWK.

WELL LAND OF MERCY.

YOU CAN'T HARDLY
BLAME MR. BUTLER

FOR GETTING A MIGHTY CRANKY.

A MAN DON'T EAT RIGHT,

HE GETS THAT WAY.

WELL, JED,

I RECKON IT
WON'T DO NO HARM

TO TAKE 'EM IN FOR A SPELL.

GRANNY,

FOR SUCH A LITTLE WOMAN,

YOU GOT A AWFUL BIG HEART.

WELL, I FEEL SORRY
FOR THE POOR GIRL.

BUT THE FIRST TIME

THAT FANCY PANTS MR. BUTLER

LOOKS DOWN HIS NOSE AT ME,

I'M GONNA CHUCK HIM

IN THE CEMENT POND.

NOW, I'M DOUBLING
YOUR SALARIES

FOR THE LENGTH OF TIME YOU
STAY AT THE CLAMPETT HOME.

BUT IF ONE WORD OF THIS

GETS BACK TO
MY WIFE IN BOSTON,

YOU'RE BOTH OUT OF WORK

WITH NO REFERENCES.

ACTUALLY, YOU WILL
FIND THE CLAMPETTS

TO BE BASICALLY FINE PEOPLE.

ALL THEY NEED
IS A LITTLE POLISH.

POLISH,

THEY NEED SAND BLASTING.

HOWEVER, I THINK
MISS HATHAWAY'S PLAN

MAY OVERCOME THEIR
INITIAL RESENTMENT

OF WEARING CITY CLOTHES.

YES, I,

I THINK I HAVE DEVISED
RATHER A CLEVER STRATEGY.

TO PUT IT BRIEFLY
AND SUCCINCTLY,

MY STRATEGY IS AS FOLLOWS.

I SHALL PROPOSE
TO THE CLAMPETTS

THAT THEY SIT

FOR A FAMILY PORTRAIT.

AS YOU KNOW,

MY HOBBY IS PAINTING.

NOW,

I SHALL SUGGEST
TO THE CLAMPETTS

THAT THEIR ATTIRE
MATCH THEIR BACKGROUND,

WHICH IS, OF COURSE,

THEIR BEAUTIFUL MANSION.

THEY WILL, NO DOUBT,

SEE THE LOGIC OF
MY DIDACTIC VOTE,

EXCEED TO MY WISHES, DONNED
SUITABLE RAIMENT AND THEN,

ONCE THEY HAVE SEEN
THEMSELVES THUS ATTIRED...

WE'RE IN, LET'S GO.

WE FORGOT TO
DUST THE STAIR RAIL.

I'LL GET IT GRANNY.

SAY, WEARING BOYS CLOTHES

DOES COME IN HANDY SOMETIMES.

BY GINGER GRANNY,

I THINK WE GOT
HER ALL SPIC AND SPAN

FOR THE COMPANY.

THERE AIN'T A
SPECK OF DIRT NO PLACE.

CAN I GO SWIMMIN' NOW?

ME TOO?

SOON AS WE HELP GRANNY
CLEAN UP THE KITCHEN.

(DOORBELL)

THERE GOES THAT MUSIC AGAIN.

SURE IS PRETTY.

JETHRO, YOU EVER FIND OUT
WHERE THAT COME FROM?

NO'M, GRANNY.

EVERY SINGLE TIME

I COMMENCE TO LOOKIN' FOR IT,

SOMEBODY COMES TO THE DOOR.

NOBODY'S TO THE DOOR NOW?

THERE WILL BE, YOU'LL SEE.

(DOORBELL)

MMM, DOGGY, THAT'S NICE.

LET'S GO AND SEE
IF WE CAN FIND IT.

YOU'RE WASTEING YOUR TIME,

I'M A TELLIN YA',

BEFORE YOU CAN FIND IT,

SOMEBODY'LL
COME TO THE DOOR.

(DOOR KNOCKER)

THERE, YOU SEE,

HAPPENS EVERY TIME.

NOW, REMEMBER RAVENSWOOD,

I'M COUNTING ON YOU,

DON'T FAIL ME.

OH, YOU HAVE MY WORD, SIR,

I'VE BEEN BUTLER AND
VALET SINCE BOYHOOD,

AS WAS MY FATHER BEFORE ME

AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM.

AND I'VE YET TO MEET
THE MAN OR WOMAN

WHO POSED A SOCIAL PROBLEM

TOO DIFFICULT
FOR ME TO HANDLE.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

HOWDY THERE.

REMEMBER ME, MR. BUTLER?

NOOOOOO!

RAVENSWOOD, COME BACK!

YOU GAVE YOUR WORD!

COME BACK YOU COWARD!

COME BACK HERE!

MLL CUT OFF YOUR
FRINGE BENEFITS!

RAVENSWOOD PROBABLY
FORGOT SOMETHING.

HE'LL RETURN SHORTLY.

MEANWHILE, THIS IS MARIE,

MRS. DRYSDALE'S UPSTAIRS GIRL.

MARIE, MR. J.D. CLAMPETT.

HOWDY.

JETHRO BODINE,

ELLY MAY CLAMPETT

AND GRANDMA CLAMPETT.

NO, MA'AM,

I AM A MOSES.

PARDON?

GRANNY'S RELATED
ON MY WIFE'S SIDE,

THEY'S THE MOSES
FAMILY FROM TENNESSEE.

THEN YOUR NAME
IS GRANNY MOSES?

GRANDMA MOSES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE WAS A VERY
FAMOUS GRANDMA MOSES

OF PAINTED PRIMITIVES.

"VE WHITEWASHED
A FEW MYSELF.

I'LL SHOW MARIE TO HER ROOM.

LISTEN MARIE, HONEY,

OVER HERE,

YOU'VE GOT THE
RUN OF THE HOUSE.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO HIDE UPSTAIRS.

AIN'T NOTHIN
WRONG WITH THAT GIRL,

BUT WHAT SOME GOOD
COOKIN' WILL CURE.

SHE'S HALF STARVED.

POOR THING IS SO WEAK

HER KNEES KEEPS
A BUCKLIN' ON HER.

SHE KINDA PRETTY, THOUGH,

FOR A SKINNY GIRL.

JUST WAIT ‘TILL
SHE GETS A MESS OF

GRANNY'S GRITS
AND HOG JOWLS,

THAT'LL FILL HER OUT.

WELL, I'LL GET SOME A COOKIN".

GUESS THAT BUTLER FELLA

WILL BE COMING BACK DIRECTLY.

OH, AND GRANNY,

CAN WE HAVE SOME OF THAT

SALTED DOWN POSSUM
BELLY THAT MA SENT US?

WELL, I RECKON IT IS
KIND OF COMPANY MEAL.

GRANNY, OPEN UP A JAR OF
THEM PICKLED CROW GIZZARDS.

NOW, JED,

WE DON'T WANT TO
SPOIL THESE FOLKS.

THEY MIGHT GET TO THINKIN'

WE EAT LIKE THAT EVERY DAY.

ELLY MAY,

WILL YOU DO
SOMETHING NICE FOR ME?

WHY SURE, PA.

WILL YOU GO GET INTO
THAT PRETTY DRESS AGAIN?

AWE, PA,

JETHRO'LL MAKE FUN OF ME.

NO, I WON'T, ELLY MAY.

CROSS MY HEART.

WELL...

THAT'S MY DARLING, THANK YOU.

AND THEN YOU
BE REAL NICE TO MARIE,

SHE'S HAD A BAD LIFE.

I'LL BE NICE TO HER.

SHE'S PRETTY.

LET'S ALL BE NICE.

HECK FIRE...

I WANTED TO GO SWIMMIN',

NOW I GOTTA GO
PUT ON AN OLD DRESS.

COUSIN ELLY, YOU LOOK
AWFUL PRETTY IN A DRESS,

HONEST YOU DO.

DO I LOOK PRETTIER AS
THAT THERE CITY GIRL?

YOU LOOK PRETTIER THAN
THAT THERE CITY GIRL.

THAT DID IT,

COME ON AND FIGHT.

ELLY.

C'MON ELLY.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
AFRAID OF, RAVENSWOOD.

THE FACT THAT THEY'RE
BIG AND STRONG,

DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE VIOLENT.

ELEPHANTS CAN BE GENTLE.

FOR HEAVENS SAKE,

RAVENSWOOD,

YOU'RE LETTING
APPEARANCES DECEIVE YOU.

OH, REALLY, SIR?

OH, I DO ADMIT ON THE SURFACE

THEY DO SEEM A BIT ROUGH,

EVEN CRUDE,

BUT I ASSURE YOU UNDERNEATH

THEY ARE PLACID,

KINDLY AND GENTLE,

YOU'LL SEE.

YOU SHOULDN'T A
CALLED ME A CITY GIRL.

ELLY MAY, LEAVE ME ALONE,

PLEASE, ELLY MAY.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

ELLY MAY.

ELLY MAY, LEAVE ME BE.

ELLY MAY.

(SCREAMING)

MR. BUTLER,

DON'T NEVER SAY
ANYTHING NICE

TO THAT GIRL,

SHE'LL KILL YA.

NOOOOOO!

RAVENSWOOD,

COME BACK HERE!

COWARD!

COME BACK.

YOU PROMISED!

RAVENSWOOD!

BY THUNDER, GRANNY.

WHEN MR. DRYSDALE SAID

HE DIDN'T HAVE
NO USE FOR MR. BUTLER

HE SURE WASN'T FOOLIN'.

I JUST SEEN HIM
CUT THROUGH THE BRUSH,

CHASING HIM WITH A STICK.

MR. BUTLER
GETS SASSY WITH ME,

ILL CHASE HIM
WITH MORE THAN A STICK.

UNCLE JED, ELLY THROWED
ME DOWN ON MY HEAD AGAIN,

IF SHE DON'T STOP THAT,

I'M GONE GET A HEADACHE.

STOP RILING HER JETHRO.

WELL, GOLLY,

ALL I SAID WAS SHE'S PRETTY.

THAT AIN'T NO CALL
TO BUST A FELLA'S HEAD.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

PARDON.

OH, HOWDY MARIE.

HI MARIE.

MONSIEUR.

ARE YOU HUNGRY, DARLING?

NO, MADAM.

I'M WHOPPING UP
SOMETHING HERE

THAT'LL JUST SET
YOUR MOUTH TO WATERING.

PUT SOME STRENGTH
IN YOUR LIMBS, TOO.

TELL HER WHAT IT IS, GRANNY.

A GREAT BIG MESS OF
GRITS AND HOG JOWLS.

AND SALTED DOWN
POSSUM BELLY.

COLD PICKLED CROW GIZZARDS,

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?

DON'T TELL ME THAT
CHILD AIN'T HUNGRY.

WHY SHE'S READY TO
DROP IN HER TRACKS.

SET HER AT THE TABLE

AND I'LL DISH UP A MESS.

NO, PLEASE.

I ONLY CAME IN

TO BRING A MESSAGE
FROM MISS HATHAWAY.

SHE'S PREPARING TO
PAINT THE FAMILY PORTRAIT

AND SHE WISHES TO KNOW

IF YOU ALL WILL SIT FOR HER?

MAY I TELL HER THAT
YOU WILL SIT FOR HER?

WELL, YEAH,

I RECKON WELL DO THAT.

MERCI.

WELL, LET'S GET AT IT.

YA' RECKON IT'S
ALL RIGHT TO TALK

WHILE WE'RE SITTIN'?

YEAH, I RECKON.

THERE'S SOMETHING
ABOUT MARIE.

WHAT?

SHE'S SCARED OF MR. BUTLER.

HOW'D YOU KNOW?

I ASK HER TO GO
SWIMMIN' WITH ME,

AND SHE SAYS HE
WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.

WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF HIS?

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

AND SHE SAYS,

"HE'S A BUTLER

AND I'M JUST AN UPSTAIRS GIRL.

AND I GOT TO DO
WHATEVER HE SAYS."

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THIS.

HOT DIGGITIES,

LET'S HELP
MR. DRYSDALE'S, FIND HIM

AND GIVE HIM A WHOOPIN'.

I'LL CATCH HIM, GRANNY.

NOW, ELLY,

YOU GO PUT A DRESS
ON LIKE YOU PROMISED.

UNCLE JED,

I'M GOING SWIMMING.

IF I SEE HIM,

I'LL FETCH HIM IN.

DON'T GO JUMPIN’ IN
WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON AGAIN.

OH, I WON'T UNCLE JED.

MISS HATHAWAY, SHE GIVE
ME A PRESENT LAST NIGHT.

SHE SAYS IT'S
SOMETHING SPECIAL

FOR TO GO SWIMMIN' IN.

WHAT'D SHE GIVE YA?

OH, A PAIR OF TRUNKS.

YOU GO SWIMMIN'
IN THE CEMENT POND.

THAT BOY'S TOO BIG

TO GO SWIMMIN' IN A TRUNK.

JED?

EVEN A PAIR OF 'EM.

I GOT A FEELING

THAT MR. BUTLER FELLER

IS GONNA BE TROUBLE.

WELL, WE CAN HANDLE HIM.

WELL, I STILL SAY

THAT I THINK MR. DRYSDALE

HAS ALOT OF NERVE

TO ASK US TO BOARD

HIS WIFE'S RELATIONS.

WELL, MAYBE HE JUST FED UP.

A MAN CAN GET AWFUL TIRED

OF HAVING HIS WIFE'S KIN

UNDERFOOT ALL THE TIME.

HE TOLD ME THAT BUTLER FELLA

BEEN LIVIN' WITH THEM
EVER SINCE THEY WAS MARRIED.

I DECLARE SOME IN-LAWS

LATCH ON TO FREE
ROOM-AND-BOARD LIKE LEECHES.

IT TAKES A MULE
KICK TO JAR 'EM LOOSE.

YOU CAN'T HARDLY
BLAME MR. DRYSDALE

FOR TRYIN' TO GET SHED
OF A CRITTER LIKE THAT.

IS THAT THE WAY YOU FEEL?

YOU BET IT IS.

LL SEE HOW FAST
I CAN GET PACKED.

YOU WHAT?

I'LL GET OUT FROM UNDERFOOT

JUST AS QUICK AS I CAN.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...

NO JED,

I KNOW WHEN I'M NOT WANTED.

IT DON'T TAKE NO MULE KICK

TO GET SHED OF ME.

TARNATION GRANNY,

I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU.

WE COULDN'T GET
ALONG WITHOUT YOU.

NO, JED.

I'M JUST A
BURDENSOME OLD WOMAN.

NO GOOD TO NOBODY.

WHY DON'T YOU THROW
ME DOWN THE WELL?

GRANNY!

GO AHEAD, PICK ME UP,

CARRY ME OUT TO THE WELL

AND THROW ME IN.

GRANNY, STOP
TALKIN' LIKE THAT.

UNCLE JED,

UNCLE JED...

I CAUGHT HIM.

MR. DRYSDALE, HE GAVE UP,

BUT I CAUGHT THIS
FAT LITTLE RASCAL.

PUT HIM DOWN

YOU GONNA WHIP HIM, GRANNY?

NO, JETHRO.

I'M GONE GET
THROWN DOWN THE WELL.

WHY DON'T YOU THROW US BOTH
DOWN THE WELL TOGETHER?

A BUNCH OF NO GOOD
LEECHES BOTH OF US.

GRANNY KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

MR. BUTLER,

I'M SORRY JETHRO GOT
A MIGHT ROUGH WITH YOU.

HE DON'T MEAN NO HARM.

HE'S JUST A OVERGROWIN' BOY.

NOW, WE'S ARE ALL
MIGHTY PLEASURED

TO HAVE YOU COME
AND STAY WITH US

AND AS LONG AS
YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF,

THERE WON'T BE NO TROUBLE.

OH, I'M JED CLAMPETT.

SIR.

THIS HERE'S GRANNY.

MADAM.

I RECKON YOU
AND JETHRO DONE MET.

YEAH.

SIR.

OH, AND THIS HERE

IS MY DAUGHTER, ELLY MAY.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

DON'T YOU DARE

USE THEM KIND
OF WORDS TO A LADY.

WHAT'D HE SAY, GRANNY?

I AIN'T SURE,

BUT IT SOUNDED DIRTY.

I SAID YOUR DAUGHTER
WAS PRETTY AND CHARMING.

WHY YOU'RE SO DIFFERENT
FROM ALL THE OTHERS,

YOU'RE LIKE A
BEAUTIFUL CITY GIRL.

HE HADN'T OUGHTA SAID THAT.

OH, MARIE.

OUI, MISS JANE.

DIDN'T YOU SAY THE CLAMPETTS

HAD AGREED TO SIT
FOR THEIR PORTRAITS?

OUI, THEY SAID
THEY WOULD DO IT.

NOOOO!

RAVENSWOOD, WHAT IS THIS?

I BELIEVE IT TO BE
SELF-PRESERVATION, MADAM.

NO!

DON'T TAKE TO THE STAIRS,

SHE'LL CATCH YOU SURE.

I SAY YOUNG LADY.

NO!

NO!

SOUNDS LIKE ELLY GOT HIM.

I'M AFRAID SO.

WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL
ME WHAT IS TRANSPIRING?

UNCLE JED.

ELLY THROWED HIM ALL RIGHT,

BUT I CAUGHT HIM
BEFORE HE HIT THE FLOOR.

SO HERE YOU ARE.

WELL NOW,

EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE FINE.

YOU SEE, RAVENSWOOD,

DIDN'T I TELL YOU

THE CLAMPETTS WERE
KINDLY, GENTLE PEOPLE?

YES, SIR, THANK YOU, SIR.

WE GONNA HAVE TO FEED
UP BOTH OF 'EM GRANNY.

HIS KNEES IS BUCKLIN' TOO.

WELL NOWIT'S
TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

TO JED AND ALL HIS KIN.

THEY WOULD LIKE
TO THANK YOU FOLKS

FOR KINDLY DROPPIN' IN.

YOU'RE ALL INVITED
BACK NEXT WEEK

TO THIS LOCALITY

TO HAVE A HEAPIN' HELPIN'

OF THEIR HOSPITALITY.

HILLBILLY THAT ?{S.

SETA SPELL.

TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF.

Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, Y'HEAR.

THIS HAS BEEN A
FILMWAYS PRESENTATION.