The Beautiful Lie (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
The lawyer says I'm entitled
to more than half the land.
Well, Mum and Dad left
us this place 50/50, so...
Do you want a vodka?
-No.
Cocaine-laced hashish?
He's getting worse.
-He's fine.
I'm nearly 40.
I think I know which path we're
on and which one we're not.
There's no-one else on this earth for me.
Will you marry me?
-Yes.
I was in that Nature's
Wellness thing, the vitamin ad.
Don't be jealous.
-Don't insult me.
I know how this ends up.
I was her once, remember?
I told Anna that she can
come home if she likes.
To your home?
This is what we're good
at, Anna ... my family.
I don't want a divorce.
You'll find someone, Xander.
Baby, your lips are trembling.
I don't want to lose you.
-We're OK, Anna.
I don't want to see Mum anymore.
Then you won't.
When Kasper was born, we almost lost him.
He wasn't breathing.
I found myself begging a
god I didn't believe in
to let me keep him.
What would that god think of me now?
I wanted to love her.
I really did.
A little sting.
There we go.
Should do the trick.
These sporting injuries can flare up
as the body resets after giving birth.
Is there something else?
Um, yeah, can you...
.. breastfeed with alprazolam?
It's just that I've got
a... lot of flying coming up.
Not right away but in the
next few months, and...
.. my prescription's run out.
I'm already weaning her, so...
Flying. I hate planes.
-Yeah.
So there's no problem with
alcohol or any other substances?
No.
You will need to wean the baby.
Yeah, I thought so.
I'll just ring this through.
Right, service side. Let's go.
Go. Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Baseline, all the way to the net.
Push, push, push, push, push.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Baseline. Push hard, push hard.
That's it. Back here now. Bring it home.
Bring it home, bring it home. Alright.
How are you doing?
Good.
-Good?
Your lungs burn? -Yep.
-Your legs hurt? -Yep.
-Feel that air coming in
when you breathe? -Yep.
That air is telling you
that you're a winner, OK?
So when this burns and these hurt,
you look across the net to the other guy
and you know that he's
doing worse than you,
-that's when you know you've
beaten him... yeah? -Yeah.
Alright. Good boy.
Back in a tick.
Hello?
Can I come in?
In where?
-To the house.
Yeah, I'm not home.
When will you be home, then?
-It's really none of your business.
If this is about the settlement
papers, they're in the mail.
You keep saying that but
they somehow never come.
I can see your car, by the way.
I left it at home.
I can see you, Xander.
You're in the window.
It's probably the cleaner.
It's you. I know it's you.
What are you doing here?
Can I come in... please?
No.
What are you trying to do to me?
You're sending me messages
through the media now.
Wasn't aware of doing so.
'The last year
has been devastating',
'I am devastated by the
end of my marriage'.
Trying to see how many times you can
fit 'devastated' into a single sentence?
I don't have to explain myself to you.
Would it kill you, I wonder,
not to parade your devastation
around, let me ...
-Piss off.
-Piss off.
-Excuse me?
-Piss off.
I was devastated. I am devastated.
Who are you to come round here and
tell me what I can and what I can't?
This was our life, Anna.
There's nothing wrong with
it and you destroyed it.
So if I say I'm devastated,
then that's what I am.
It's the media and so we just...
we both need to be adults.
That is... that is
laughable coming from you.
Go home.
What?
I want to see Kasper.
Well, he doesn't want to see you.
You're a very good gatekeeper, Xander,
but can we please let Kasper
decide whether he wants to?
Look, I'm not going to force him to see you.
Let me say hello, then.
Please, don't keep him from...
You abandoned him.
-I didn't abandon...
I'm trying to give him an
environment where he feels safe.
Things he can rely on. A sense
of himself in the world.
Breakfast time, a healthy
lunch, two chapters at bedtime.
I'm the one who gets up
in the middle of the night
and sits with him when he's scared.
I'm the one who stayed.
? Love is cruel
? And seldom kind
? God knows
? That I'm not satisfied
Let's just go again.
Wanna close the door?
Alright.
Have you got wine?
-Yes, thank you.
Probably had... enough,
haven't you, darling?
Nice of you to host tonight.
-Looks great.
Yeah, well, it's both of us.
Well, he did all the work.
He's been wanting to show
off his cooking skills.
I've got to find something to do.
Back in town, I had a mothers' group.
They gave me the shits but it was company.
What? Here I need... I
need a country career.
Well, not a career but I
want a hobby that makes money
and in time, makes me the most
important person in the region.
And it will happen.
Just wait one second.
Um, I just want to give you something.
What's this?
My God, you're engaged.
Just first... just open the envelopes.
You are engaged.
-My God.
We're getting married.
-My Lord. Congratulations.
We're getting married.
Are you pregnant?
No.
You asked me that exact question
last time I told you I was engaged.
Which was not a million
years ago, now, was it?
You've been getting engaged
every five minutes.
Dolly.
-That's crude.
If you're not pregnant,
then why the hurry?
Peter, you answer that.
What answer do you want me to...
We love each other. It's...
-Yeah, we do.
OK, wait. This is you we're
talking about. You and marriage.
It's not a game, Kitty.
And that gushy burst of
love emotion wears off
and there you are ... married. Whoops.
That's...
Sorry.
You're ganging up on her
a bit, don't you think?
Peter, promise me she hasn't
pressured you into this.
No. Getting married was my idea.
Why are you all so against this?
You're racing to get married. Skeet
and Anna have just had a baby.
Am I the only one who thinks
this isn't just a coincidence?
Tell you right now, it's
got nothing to do with it.
This is exactly why we waited
2.5 months before we told you
because I knew this is what you'd say.
I've been holding it in, not wearing
my beautiful engagement ring.
We love both of you.
I know what this is.
You're cynical about marriage
and you're trying to infect us.
Well, we are betrothed
and I'm going to walk down the aisle
at St Anne's and marry this man.
I'd like you all to be there
but I'm going to do it if I
have your blessing or not.
Right?
Well said, Kitty-Kat.
Bit of shush from you.
-And that's me shushed.
Peter.
Is she eating?
-I'm right here. You can ask me.
She binges when you're not looking.
You have to check your bins.
-Just stop.
You're always saying
that you want to help me
and that you want what's best for me
but really, you're just keeping
me frozen as my past self
because that's convenient for you.
Well, you have to let me grow up.
It's like... they see me happy
and straightaway, they think,
'She's going to crash.'
You're not saying anything.
They've got to you, haven't
they? You're having doubts.
No, no.
-Peter, no.
I'm not having doubts, not about that.
It's just...
I don't want to get married at St Anne's.
My whole family's got married there.
My ancestors built it.
Generations of Ballantynes.
OK, but it's our wedding and...
Religion.
My whole life...
.. I've known that one day,
I'd get married at St Anne's.
I-I don't... believe the
things I'd need to believe.
You don't need to believe anything.
Well, you kind of do. It'd
be dishonest to pretend I did.
I don't want a lie at the
centre of our marriage.
It's a building, a venue.
Just think of it as participating
in a sweet, quaint...
.. family tradition.
Dolly and Kingsley asked me to be
godfather to Riley and I said no.
OK? I can't say no to them and yes to you.
Yes, you can, because you love me.
I'm not getting married there.
I'm on the verge of a tantrum.
OK.
I want you to recognise
that I'm exercising
a high level of self-control right now.
I do recognise that.
Wait.
Could we try to solve
our problems with sex?
OK.
-OK.
Come on.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
-Yes.
Yeah, I feel better now. Do you?
Yeah.
You want our wedding to be
about us, not about religion.
Yeah.
And really, I just want
to wear a great dress...
.. and exchange rings.
I just want us to have matching rings.
And a party.
And that's what a wedding is, right?
Just a big party with us in the middle.
Well, let's just have a big
party with us in the middle.
Let's have a not-wedding.
No traditions.
You looking great, me in a great dress.
OK.
-And everyone in white.
OK.
-Problem?
No. No.
Saying our lives are joined together now,
from this moment till the end of time.
Surrounded by our tribe.
So even your brother and
his scary girlfriend?
Yeah.
Hello.
She's gone back to sleep.
So have I.
I haven't.
And I thought you might want to...
Really?
-It's been awhile.
I missed you.
Ignore it.
Are you expecting anyone?
Your divorce papers.
You think?
No...
-Yes.
Two years ago, Nature's
Wellness took me out to lunch,
romanced me to be the
face of their vitamins.
Now they send me flowers to
tell me they've dumped me.
Any reason?
Well, I'm damaged goods,
a home wrecker, so...
Plus, you got busted for drugs.
Yeah. In the news for
all the wrong reasons.
Do you need the money?
-No, I'm not at that stage yet.
That's the other thing ... Xander.
He keeps telling me the
divorce papers are in the mail
but they've never arrived.
I keep thinking there's going
to be a breakthrough moment
where it'll all be civil, but Xander is...
Hey, Xander's being a dick, Anna.
-You've got to put
up some fight. -How?
Break in and abduct my son?
-No.
If Xander's gonna run interference,
then you just gotta work around him.
Look, we're hosting a party.
Everybody's coming. You should come too.
What's the occasion?
-It's just a party.
You know, for Peter and
Kitty ... they're sort of...
.. celebrating their...
relationship or something.
That... that sounds like a wedding.
What? No. No, no, no, no.
No, it's nothing like that.
There's no legal thing.
There's not even a celebrant
... Dolly's doing it, I mean...
Look, it's a family thing
and you're my sister, so...
I haven't been invited.
Come anyway.
-I can't.
Yeah, you can.
You think?
-Yeah.
Yes.
Everybody being shitty with
you has gone on and on and on.
I mean, it all worked out, didn't it?
I don't want to make things
difficult for Dolly or Kitty.
You wouldn't be. It
wouldn't be a big deal.
Kasper's going to be there.
You want to see Kasper.
Come.
Stop the car, Peter Pants. Stop here.
This is your big surprise.
This is all you could think of?
You know, we're not 15
anymore. There are pubs.
Come on. Life is for
living, you silly fool.
Come, follow.
-Where's the esky?
This is a very special place.
Yeah, Dolly brought me here
the first time we visited her parents.
Yeah. Dolly brought all the boys here.
Really?
I suppose I should have guessed that.
I used to come here alone. A lot.
Have a bit of a wank.
Right here.
Good to know.
Small town, small minds, but here...
.. here, anything was possible.
Hey, presto. What do we have here?
This is a concoction of my own devising.
Yes?
-Well, I haven't named it yet.
Got a bit of champagne
in it and some fruit.
Do you like fruit?
-I love fruit.
Enjoy.
-Bang on.
Frag.
I am simultaneously
delighted and horrified.
So, Phillip...
You're part of this buck's
do, so you'd better...
No, it's not a buck's do.
-A last hurrah?
A buck's night would be somewhere I chose.
Of course.
Drink up.
-Bottoms up.
my Peter.
My darling, darling Peter, my...
What are you...
Tomorrow, you're going
to be all growed up?
Stop it.
-Come here.
-Arrgh. -I just want
to see if your face...
.. if forced, will form
some sort of a smile.
Come on. Yes, no?
-No.
Whatever.
What's in this?
-It's a secret ingredient.
Why is it making my teeth numb?
OK, ladies.
Wait, wait, wait.
-It's good. -Wow. -What's this?
And here for you, Kitty darling.
Here's cheers.
Cheers.
-Yay.
So, how did you and Peter meet?
Family friends. We all used
to have baths together.
Hot.
Well, we were children, so...
Kingsley and I got
together at Peter's 21st.
Kingsley had a pill and we all
went skinny-dipping in the dam.
And you and Dad...
Aw...
What, what?
-Go, tell it, tell it.
Well, it was a fancy-dress party at uni.
Come as your favourite food.
I came as a strawberry and
Phillip went as whipped cream.
Ooh, it was meant to be.
-That is so romantic.
So how did you and Nick meet, Crystal?
Having a four-way.
Lovely.
You had to ask.
-Look, I was being polite.
Somebody's got to be but you two...
Do you think she's going to ruin tomorrow?
I'm gonna say, probably, yes.
Four-way? We used to
just call them orgies.
Argh. I love you.
What are you doing?
Wait a second. Stop it, please.
I'd better take this.
My baby, you rock my world.
Peter.
Peter...
Are you there?
Where are you, Mister Mister?
I've always been in love with ideas.
Not things. Things, things
always disappoint me.
Here we go.
This is classic Peter Pumpkin Eater.
No.
-No, I should have known.
I should have written it down
that you'd become the
brooding doubt monster.
What are you doing?
-Nothing. Shut up.
What's the matter, mate?
I imagine the future, you know,
how great it's going to be.
And then when it comes,
it's not how I thought.
I often don't like it.
Am I the type of person who should be...
What? I don't understand
what you're saying.
Just make a decision and stick to it.
What's going on?
Maybe it's not fair to make
Kitty marry someone like me.
No.
You're just afraid you'll stop loving her.
It's the night before your
wedding. That's natural.
I'd have my 25-year-old
body back in a second...
.. you know, but the rest of it...
Dolly and Kitty are my daughters, right?
I married their mother.
But...
.. frankly, if she wasn't around...
.. I'd be, I'd be sitting alone
in a room full of newspapers.
Peter.
The best, best, best thing that you can do
is find a woman who, no matter what,
will always be the most
interesting woman in the room.
Yes, there'll be other women
who can turn your head.
Younger ones, older ones,
slimmer ones, even fatter ones.
But...
.. the one who, even at her worst...
.. is still exciting...
.. the one who never gets boring...
.. that's the one.
In the end, the words...
The words have got to mean something.
What words?
What?
You just said the words
had to mean something.
Did I?
-Yes.
When?
Can you be serious for one
second? Hey, hey. Listen to me.
If vaginas could speak,
what would they say?
Hello. Hello...
What language would they speak?
Peter.
Dolly?
No...
It's just me.
-No.
You're not supposed to
see me the night before.
I know, but I had to come
and check you were OK...
.. and that we're OK.
We're OK, aren't we?
Are we OK?
-Are you drunk?
Little bit.
You smell like fire.
I'm glad I came to see you.
-Yeah?
We're OK, aren't we?
Yeah. Of course we're OK.
We're OK.
You can't stay.
It goes on this chair.
Thank you, Riley.
Thank you.
Come on, let's go inside.
-Where?
Do not go today.
I need to see my boy.
Somebody's got to take the
first step to reunite things.
There's just going to
be a lot of people there
that won't appreciate you turning up.
I don't want you to get hurt.
I don't want anyone to
be cruel to you. Please.
Don't go.
Please?
For me?
Alright.
For you.
Thank you.
Some advice ... don't put pressure on today
to be the most perfect day
ever, it's gonna go by so fast.
OK.
-Let's do it.
OK.
-You look good.
Excuse me, everyone,
the not bride and groom.
She looks beautiful.
Congratulations, Petey.
Shall we go in?
Because it is a not-wedding,
instead of vows and pledges,
we are doing a rite of promise.
Can everyone hold hands, please?
Don't be shy. We're all
friends here. Hold hands.
And form two circles, if we can,
and we wanna have Peter and
Kitty right here in the middle.
And now we will make a
whirlpool around them.
I can feel my old life ending
and my new one beginning.
Yeah?
We come together today
to witness and celebrate
the love between Peter and Kitty.
Today, they are making a promise
which is not legally binding
but it is an important...
Mum's here.
-Yeah, but no, wait.
Hi.
-Anna. Hello.
Hi.
Congratulations, Kitty.
W-what a wonderful day?
How... how are you?
Good.
Um...
I mean...
Everyone's in white. Wow. I
wish I'd known. I would...
Kasper. Kasper, hi.
Hi, darling.
This is not what I want.
Dolly?
-Yes.
Get rid of her.
Hey. Hey. Hey...
You got a kiss for Mummy?
-Anna. Hey, hey, hey.
You OK?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
You sure?
-Yeah, I'm... Xander.
OK.
Hey. I'll take her, shall I?
Yes. Thanks.
You don't have to go to her if you
don't want to. It's totally up to you.
Kasper.
You look so handsome.
I think you're the handsomest here.
Have you got a hug for me, sweetheart?
I'd like that.
-No.
I don't like you. I hate you.
Kasper.
-No, no.
Darling.
-Let me go.
I... Kasper.
-Let me go.
What are you doing?
He wanted to come to
me but you stopped him.
No.
-Just stop getting in the way.
Do you even care what you've done to him?
It's not... It's you,
Xander. You're the one.
You're the one who won't let him
come to me or let me see him.
No, I won't, not when
you're off your face.
He's my child.
He's my child.
-No, don't.
Just stay here.
Please.
Can you give me the baby, please?
Yeah.
-Thanks.
No, Anna. No driving.
-Just let me go.
No, no, no, no.
-Don't.
I'm just trying to help.
Give me the keys.
-No. I'm...
I won't hate her. I won't
let her spoil my day.
No. Good, good.
I ran out of the room.
Do you think I can go
back in, or is that it?
No, you can go back in. It might
be a little bit embarrassing.
But I... I didn't do
anything wrong, did I?
No, no.
Of course not.
Do you think we can do
the circly thing again?
Yes.
-OK.
You gonna do it or just
dry-retch a few times?
Fuck off.
Why did you make me come
here? You're so stupid.
You wanted this to happen.
No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did.
Because you're all against me.
-Anna, we are not.
You get away with everything
just because you're a man.
You just have to hold the
baby and everyone says,
'Wow, what a great dad.'
People expect so little of you.
Yeah, and I still disappoint everybody.
It's my downfall.
Yours is, you're never satisfied.
Everyone's got a drink on them?
Um...
I just wanted to start by thanking
everybody for coming here today
despite that we had bit of
a... a false start... earlier.
I guess our relationship, actually,
had a bit of a false start.
Um... didn't it?
Kitty was engaged to... another.
But we're here...
.. now.
Um, there used to be a lot of
jokes, actually, that Dolly...
.. Dolly and I would
end up together one day,
but um... Dolly wasn't
really right for me.
I wish...
.. my parents, our parents...
.. could have been here
to see... to see all this.
Some of you may not be aware
but they were killed several
years ago in a car accident.
I might just leave it there.
I think, um, what Peter's trying to say,
that, um...
.. we're... really lucky
to have you all here
to witness and support
us, and in the future,
we hope that you can be
friends of our relationship,
if we ever need reminding.
Hear, hear.
-To the bride and groom.
Cheers.
Time to face the music.
Bye, Viv. See ya, Uncle King.
Come on.
Thanks, mate.
Right, so I'll drive your car home, OK?
No...
Congratulations. You've managed to
make the whole day about yourselves.
Today of all days, my sister should
not have to deal with you, or you.
It's my family, not Xander's.
And now he's poisoning
my son's mind against me
and all of you are going along with it.
When is this going to be over? I have...
Come on.
-I have apol... Leave me alone.
I have apologised and apologised
but you're locking me out.
When will I be punished enough?
Come on.
-Just...
I'm sorry.
-It's not your fault. Come on.
So...
How'd that go?
Are you screwing Theresa?
No.
Are you going to?
-No.
Do you want to?
It's over.
I can't go forward and I can't go back.
I've lost my family.
No. Honey, you haven't.
Hey, it's not all bad.
You've got Vivienne and I. We're here.
It's alright. I'll be alright.
Yes. Yeah.
-Aww.
High five, mate. Winner.
Got another champion on your hands there.
Xander.
-I know. Helen.
Hi.
Hi.
I used to think that I was
the centre of the universe.
But I'm not.
I'm really not.
There's just so much in
my life that I don't know.
Kitty.
I'm just crying 'cause I'm so happy.
It's like I'm free.
Where's my wife?
-Here. That's me.
Sit with us. We're having
big life discoveries.
No, I want to dance with
my wife. That's enough talk.
Congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I freak you out, don't I?
Not necessarily.
-I do. That's OK.
Why won't Nick marry me?
Are you OK?
Nick. Nick, are you alright?
Are you alright, mate?
Get some towels.
So after all of that, this is it.
It's the sum total of my life.
It's a happy bed, though.
Bedpan too.
I can't wait.
No, I'm well, thanks.
Thank you, Peter. Thanks for asking.
The liver tests went well.
My results are through the roof.
I'm three times over the limit.
As always, you don't know where to
stand, you don't know what to do.
Just help me. It's not contagious.
I'm trying to lift you.
Pretend I'm a horse about to cark it.
You always make everything
so fucking hard.
Get pissed off with me all you want.
You heard the doctors.
You did this to yourself.
You're a coward.
I'm dying.
You're dead already, on the inside.
Hey...
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
Hey.
This is what you do.
OK?
-Yeah.
After the wedding, it's
obvious Anna's fucked.
What are we going to do?
-Not my problem.
Come on. What about Kasper?
It's not healthy, a child of
his age to reject his mother,
however angry you both are
... and me too, I'm angry.
I'm not angry. Seeing her like that...
Not much to win there, is there?
Right, and now we've all got
to think about the future.
I might actually survive
this. I think I'm over it.
What's this?
-Divorce settlement.
I signed it this morning.
Anna. Hello.
Hey. Congratulations, Kitty.
Have you seen this one?
Yeah.
Look, people will have their fun,
Anna, and then they'll get over it.
What about everyone else?
The family?
Um...
.. it'll all blow over...
.. somehow.
Or it won't.
We all just want to help you.
I've had a taste of
your help already, Kings.
That's why I was there, remember?
Yep, OK.
I'm fine.
No, you're not.
You have no idea how I am.
Maybe you need a change.
Have you thought about moving up near us?
There's plenty of space and air.
Maybe you should consider it for Kasper.
I mean, this place is definitely
no place for children.
Things may not be easy in the beginning
but Dolly and I will help you.
Maybe being there will
help deal with the family.
Crystal?
I'm here, baby.
When I kissed you, it was the beginning...
.. of the best part of my life.
Damn it.
Do you need more? I'll go get your stuff.
It's OK.
Peter.
Peter.
I'm scared.
You don't need to be.
What's going to happen to me?
What's on the other side?
What if there's a hell?
What if I'm going to burn?
No.
It's not going to be as bad as you think.
It's not going to be bad at all.
You won't hurt anymore.
You've got nothing to be scared of.
OK?
Here.
Dying takes a long time, doesn't it?
You can't keep avoiding him.
I wish he'd just... shot his arm
full of whatever and overdosed.
It'd be better than this.
I can't watch him dying.
He's living, actually,
just not for much longer.
Does he have to be such
an arsehole about it?
Anyone who's ever lived...
.. ever...
.. dies.
This is his turn.
It can't be easy.
It's our job to help him.
Peter.
Shit.
-Peter.
You have to.
Nick? Peter's here.
I've always...
I've always been jealous of you.
You did everything without
thinking anything through.
Reckless... popular.
I worked so hard to be good all my life.
It's been smaller than I would have liked.
I mean, you did all the worst
things but you've been happy.
You've been braver in
your life than I have.
We're all a bit lost, aren't we?
I mean, there are so many
ways it's possible to fail.
I'm sorry...
.. for not being better.
Nick?
Nick.
Nature's Wellness. Live a natural life.
Hello?
Anna? It's, um, it's Kitty.
Hi.
I've been carrying all this shit around,
being angry with you and trying
not to be, and it's exhausting.
I forgive you.
You do?
Yeah.
That person that was angry
with you, that was the old me.
The new me doesn't have
that hanging over her.
I know you have a lot going
on in your life and...
.. I'm not mad at you.
I hope that brings you some comfort.
Goodbye.
I should have been relieved.
My brother isn't here anymore.
I don't know what that means.
You, though...
.. you were incredible.
You just got on with it.
Thank you.
Tick for me.
You're staring at me.
I like looking at you.
I don't know how to
cope with that, though.
You don't have to cope
with it. I'm just looking.
Yeah, but...
.. now I'm thinking, any second,
you're going to realise I'm not
as good as you thought I was.
You're not easy to know.
You're like a jungle...
.. with everything tangled
and growing close together.
In the middle of that
jungle, there's a river...
.. with the sunlight sparkling on it.
That's what I'm looking at.
to more than half the land.
Well, Mum and Dad left
us this place 50/50, so...
Do you want a vodka?
-No.
Cocaine-laced hashish?
He's getting worse.
-He's fine.
I'm nearly 40.
I think I know which path we're
on and which one we're not.
There's no-one else on this earth for me.
Will you marry me?
-Yes.
I was in that Nature's
Wellness thing, the vitamin ad.
Don't be jealous.
-Don't insult me.
I know how this ends up.
I was her once, remember?
I told Anna that she can
come home if she likes.
To your home?
This is what we're good
at, Anna ... my family.
I don't want a divorce.
You'll find someone, Xander.
Baby, your lips are trembling.
I don't want to lose you.
-We're OK, Anna.
I don't want to see Mum anymore.
Then you won't.
When Kasper was born, we almost lost him.
He wasn't breathing.
I found myself begging a
god I didn't believe in
to let me keep him.
What would that god think of me now?
I wanted to love her.
I really did.
A little sting.
There we go.
Should do the trick.
These sporting injuries can flare up
as the body resets after giving birth.
Is there something else?
Um, yeah, can you...
.. breastfeed with alprazolam?
It's just that I've got
a... lot of flying coming up.
Not right away but in the
next few months, and...
.. my prescription's run out.
I'm already weaning her, so...
Flying. I hate planes.
-Yeah.
So there's no problem with
alcohol or any other substances?
No.
You will need to wean the baby.
Yeah, I thought so.
I'll just ring this through.
Right, service side. Let's go.
Go. Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Baseline, all the way to the net.
Push, push, push, push, push.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Baseline. Push hard, push hard.
That's it. Back here now. Bring it home.
Bring it home, bring it home. Alright.
How are you doing?
Good.
-Good?
Your lungs burn? -Yep.
-Your legs hurt? -Yep.
-Feel that air coming in
when you breathe? -Yep.
That air is telling you
that you're a winner, OK?
So when this burns and these hurt,
you look across the net to the other guy
and you know that he's
doing worse than you,
-that's when you know you've
beaten him... yeah? -Yeah.
Alright. Good boy.
Back in a tick.
Hello?
Can I come in?
In where?
-To the house.
Yeah, I'm not home.
When will you be home, then?
-It's really none of your business.
If this is about the settlement
papers, they're in the mail.
You keep saying that but
they somehow never come.
I can see your car, by the way.
I left it at home.
I can see you, Xander.
You're in the window.
It's probably the cleaner.
It's you. I know it's you.
What are you doing here?
Can I come in... please?
No.
What are you trying to do to me?
You're sending me messages
through the media now.
Wasn't aware of doing so.
'The last year
has been devastating',
'I am devastated by the
end of my marriage'.
Trying to see how many times you can
fit 'devastated' into a single sentence?
I don't have to explain myself to you.
Would it kill you, I wonder,
not to parade your devastation
around, let me ...
-Piss off.
-Piss off.
-Excuse me?
-Piss off.
I was devastated. I am devastated.
Who are you to come round here and
tell me what I can and what I can't?
This was our life, Anna.
There's nothing wrong with
it and you destroyed it.
So if I say I'm devastated,
then that's what I am.
It's the media and so we just...
we both need to be adults.
That is... that is
laughable coming from you.
Go home.
What?
I want to see Kasper.
Well, he doesn't want to see you.
You're a very good gatekeeper, Xander,
but can we please let Kasper
decide whether he wants to?
Look, I'm not going to force him to see you.
Let me say hello, then.
Please, don't keep him from...
You abandoned him.
-I didn't abandon...
I'm trying to give him an
environment where he feels safe.
Things he can rely on. A sense
of himself in the world.
Breakfast time, a healthy
lunch, two chapters at bedtime.
I'm the one who gets up
in the middle of the night
and sits with him when he's scared.
I'm the one who stayed.
? Love is cruel
? And seldom kind
? God knows
? That I'm not satisfied
Let's just go again.
Wanna close the door?
Alright.
Have you got wine?
-Yes, thank you.
Probably had... enough,
haven't you, darling?
Nice of you to host tonight.
-Looks great.
Yeah, well, it's both of us.
Well, he did all the work.
He's been wanting to show
off his cooking skills.
I've got to find something to do.
Back in town, I had a mothers' group.
They gave me the shits but it was company.
What? Here I need... I
need a country career.
Well, not a career but I
want a hobby that makes money
and in time, makes me the most
important person in the region.
And it will happen.
Just wait one second.
Um, I just want to give you something.
What's this?
My God, you're engaged.
Just first... just open the envelopes.
You are engaged.
-My God.
We're getting married.
-My Lord. Congratulations.
We're getting married.
Are you pregnant?
No.
You asked me that exact question
last time I told you I was engaged.
Which was not a million
years ago, now, was it?
You've been getting engaged
every five minutes.
Dolly.
-That's crude.
If you're not pregnant,
then why the hurry?
Peter, you answer that.
What answer do you want me to...
We love each other. It's...
-Yeah, we do.
OK, wait. This is you we're
talking about. You and marriage.
It's not a game, Kitty.
And that gushy burst of
love emotion wears off
and there you are ... married. Whoops.
That's...
Sorry.
You're ganging up on her
a bit, don't you think?
Peter, promise me she hasn't
pressured you into this.
No. Getting married was my idea.
Why are you all so against this?
You're racing to get married. Skeet
and Anna have just had a baby.
Am I the only one who thinks
this isn't just a coincidence?
Tell you right now, it's
got nothing to do with it.
This is exactly why we waited
2.5 months before we told you
because I knew this is what you'd say.
I've been holding it in, not wearing
my beautiful engagement ring.
We love both of you.
I know what this is.
You're cynical about marriage
and you're trying to infect us.
Well, we are betrothed
and I'm going to walk down the aisle
at St Anne's and marry this man.
I'd like you all to be there
but I'm going to do it if I
have your blessing or not.
Right?
Well said, Kitty-Kat.
Bit of shush from you.
-And that's me shushed.
Peter.
Is she eating?
-I'm right here. You can ask me.
She binges when you're not looking.
You have to check your bins.
-Just stop.
You're always saying
that you want to help me
and that you want what's best for me
but really, you're just keeping
me frozen as my past self
because that's convenient for you.
Well, you have to let me grow up.
It's like... they see me happy
and straightaway, they think,
'She's going to crash.'
You're not saying anything.
They've got to you, haven't
they? You're having doubts.
No, no.
-Peter, no.
I'm not having doubts, not about that.
It's just...
I don't want to get married at St Anne's.
My whole family's got married there.
My ancestors built it.
Generations of Ballantynes.
OK, but it's our wedding and...
Religion.
My whole life...
.. I've known that one day,
I'd get married at St Anne's.
I-I don't... believe the
things I'd need to believe.
You don't need to believe anything.
Well, you kind of do. It'd
be dishonest to pretend I did.
I don't want a lie at the
centre of our marriage.
It's a building, a venue.
Just think of it as participating
in a sweet, quaint...
.. family tradition.
Dolly and Kingsley asked me to be
godfather to Riley and I said no.
OK? I can't say no to them and yes to you.
Yes, you can, because you love me.
I'm not getting married there.
I'm on the verge of a tantrum.
OK.
I want you to recognise
that I'm exercising
a high level of self-control right now.
I do recognise that.
Wait.
Could we try to solve
our problems with sex?
OK.
-OK.
Come on.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
-Yes.
Yeah, I feel better now. Do you?
Yeah.
You want our wedding to be
about us, not about religion.
Yeah.
And really, I just want
to wear a great dress...
.. and exchange rings.
I just want us to have matching rings.
And a party.
And that's what a wedding is, right?
Just a big party with us in the middle.
Well, let's just have a big
party with us in the middle.
Let's have a not-wedding.
No traditions.
You looking great, me in a great dress.
OK.
-And everyone in white.
OK.
-Problem?
No. No.
Saying our lives are joined together now,
from this moment till the end of time.
Surrounded by our tribe.
So even your brother and
his scary girlfriend?
Yeah.
Hello.
She's gone back to sleep.
So have I.
I haven't.
And I thought you might want to...
Really?
-It's been awhile.
I missed you.
Ignore it.
Are you expecting anyone?
Your divorce papers.
You think?
No...
-Yes.
Two years ago, Nature's
Wellness took me out to lunch,
romanced me to be the
face of their vitamins.
Now they send me flowers to
tell me they've dumped me.
Any reason?
Well, I'm damaged goods,
a home wrecker, so...
Plus, you got busted for drugs.
Yeah. In the news for
all the wrong reasons.
Do you need the money?
-No, I'm not at that stage yet.
That's the other thing ... Xander.
He keeps telling me the
divorce papers are in the mail
but they've never arrived.
I keep thinking there's going
to be a breakthrough moment
where it'll all be civil, but Xander is...
Hey, Xander's being a dick, Anna.
-You've got to put
up some fight. -How?
Break in and abduct my son?
-No.
If Xander's gonna run interference,
then you just gotta work around him.
Look, we're hosting a party.
Everybody's coming. You should come too.
What's the occasion?
-It's just a party.
You know, for Peter and
Kitty ... they're sort of...
.. celebrating their...
relationship or something.
That... that sounds like a wedding.
What? No. No, no, no, no.
No, it's nothing like that.
There's no legal thing.
There's not even a celebrant
... Dolly's doing it, I mean...
Look, it's a family thing
and you're my sister, so...
I haven't been invited.
Come anyway.
-I can't.
Yeah, you can.
You think?
-Yeah.
Yes.
Everybody being shitty with
you has gone on and on and on.
I mean, it all worked out, didn't it?
I don't want to make things
difficult for Dolly or Kitty.
You wouldn't be. It
wouldn't be a big deal.
Kasper's going to be there.
You want to see Kasper.
Come.
Stop the car, Peter Pants. Stop here.
This is your big surprise.
This is all you could think of?
You know, we're not 15
anymore. There are pubs.
Come on. Life is for
living, you silly fool.
Come, follow.
-Where's the esky?
This is a very special place.
Yeah, Dolly brought me here
the first time we visited her parents.
Yeah. Dolly brought all the boys here.
Really?
I suppose I should have guessed that.
I used to come here alone. A lot.
Have a bit of a wank.
Right here.
Good to know.
Small town, small minds, but here...
.. here, anything was possible.
Hey, presto. What do we have here?
This is a concoction of my own devising.
Yes?
-Well, I haven't named it yet.
Got a bit of champagne
in it and some fruit.
Do you like fruit?
-I love fruit.
Enjoy.
-Bang on.
Frag.
I am simultaneously
delighted and horrified.
So, Phillip...
You're part of this buck's
do, so you'd better...
No, it's not a buck's do.
-A last hurrah?
A buck's night would be somewhere I chose.
Of course.
Drink up.
-Bottoms up.
my Peter.
My darling, darling Peter, my...
What are you...
Tomorrow, you're going
to be all growed up?
Stop it.
-Come here.
-Arrgh. -I just want
to see if your face...
.. if forced, will form
some sort of a smile.
Come on. Yes, no?
-No.
Whatever.
What's in this?
-It's a secret ingredient.
Why is it making my teeth numb?
OK, ladies.
Wait, wait, wait.
-It's good. -Wow. -What's this?
And here for you, Kitty darling.
Here's cheers.
Cheers.
-Yay.
So, how did you and Peter meet?
Family friends. We all used
to have baths together.
Hot.
Well, we were children, so...
Kingsley and I got
together at Peter's 21st.
Kingsley had a pill and we all
went skinny-dipping in the dam.
And you and Dad...
Aw...
What, what?
-Go, tell it, tell it.
Well, it was a fancy-dress party at uni.
Come as your favourite food.
I came as a strawberry and
Phillip went as whipped cream.
Ooh, it was meant to be.
-That is so romantic.
So how did you and Nick meet, Crystal?
Having a four-way.
Lovely.
You had to ask.
-Look, I was being polite.
Somebody's got to be but you two...
Do you think she's going to ruin tomorrow?
I'm gonna say, probably, yes.
Four-way? We used to
just call them orgies.
Argh. I love you.
What are you doing?
Wait a second. Stop it, please.
I'd better take this.
My baby, you rock my world.
Peter.
Peter...
Are you there?
Where are you, Mister Mister?
I've always been in love with ideas.
Not things. Things, things
always disappoint me.
Here we go.
This is classic Peter Pumpkin Eater.
No.
-No, I should have known.
I should have written it down
that you'd become the
brooding doubt monster.
What are you doing?
-Nothing. Shut up.
What's the matter, mate?
I imagine the future, you know,
how great it's going to be.
And then when it comes,
it's not how I thought.
I often don't like it.
Am I the type of person who should be...
What? I don't understand
what you're saying.
Just make a decision and stick to it.
What's going on?
Maybe it's not fair to make
Kitty marry someone like me.
No.
You're just afraid you'll stop loving her.
It's the night before your
wedding. That's natural.
I'd have my 25-year-old
body back in a second...
.. you know, but the rest of it...
Dolly and Kitty are my daughters, right?
I married their mother.
But...
.. frankly, if she wasn't around...
.. I'd be, I'd be sitting alone
in a room full of newspapers.
Peter.
The best, best, best thing that you can do
is find a woman who, no matter what,
will always be the most
interesting woman in the room.
Yes, there'll be other women
who can turn your head.
Younger ones, older ones,
slimmer ones, even fatter ones.
But...
.. the one who, even at her worst...
.. is still exciting...
.. the one who never gets boring...
.. that's the one.
In the end, the words...
The words have got to mean something.
What words?
What?
You just said the words
had to mean something.
Did I?
-Yes.
When?
Can you be serious for one
second? Hey, hey. Listen to me.
If vaginas could speak,
what would they say?
Hello. Hello...
What language would they speak?
Peter.
Dolly?
No...
It's just me.
-No.
You're not supposed to
see me the night before.
I know, but I had to come
and check you were OK...
.. and that we're OK.
We're OK, aren't we?
Are we OK?
-Are you drunk?
Little bit.
You smell like fire.
I'm glad I came to see you.
-Yeah?
We're OK, aren't we?
Yeah. Of course we're OK.
We're OK.
You can't stay.
It goes on this chair.
Thank you, Riley.
Thank you.
Come on, let's go inside.
-Where?
Do not go today.
I need to see my boy.
Somebody's got to take the
first step to reunite things.
There's just going to
be a lot of people there
that won't appreciate you turning up.
I don't want you to get hurt.
I don't want anyone to
be cruel to you. Please.
Don't go.
Please?
For me?
Alright.
For you.
Thank you.
Some advice ... don't put pressure on today
to be the most perfect day
ever, it's gonna go by so fast.
OK.
-Let's do it.
OK.
-You look good.
Excuse me, everyone,
the not bride and groom.
She looks beautiful.
Congratulations, Petey.
Shall we go in?
Because it is a not-wedding,
instead of vows and pledges,
we are doing a rite of promise.
Can everyone hold hands, please?
Don't be shy. We're all
friends here. Hold hands.
And form two circles, if we can,
and we wanna have Peter and
Kitty right here in the middle.
And now we will make a
whirlpool around them.
I can feel my old life ending
and my new one beginning.
Yeah?
We come together today
to witness and celebrate
the love between Peter and Kitty.
Today, they are making a promise
which is not legally binding
but it is an important...
Mum's here.
-Yeah, but no, wait.
Hi.
-Anna. Hello.
Hi.
Congratulations, Kitty.
W-what a wonderful day?
How... how are you?
Good.
Um...
I mean...
Everyone's in white. Wow. I
wish I'd known. I would...
Kasper. Kasper, hi.
Hi, darling.
This is not what I want.
Dolly?
-Yes.
Get rid of her.
Hey. Hey. Hey...
You got a kiss for Mummy?
-Anna. Hey, hey, hey.
You OK?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
You sure?
-Yeah, I'm... Xander.
OK.
Hey. I'll take her, shall I?
Yes. Thanks.
You don't have to go to her if you
don't want to. It's totally up to you.
Kasper.
You look so handsome.
I think you're the handsomest here.
Have you got a hug for me, sweetheart?
I'd like that.
-No.
I don't like you. I hate you.
Kasper.
-No, no.
Darling.
-Let me go.
I... Kasper.
-Let me go.
What are you doing?
He wanted to come to
me but you stopped him.
No.
-Just stop getting in the way.
Do you even care what you've done to him?
It's not... It's you,
Xander. You're the one.
You're the one who won't let him
come to me or let me see him.
No, I won't, not when
you're off your face.
He's my child.
He's my child.
-No, don't.
Just stay here.
Please.
Can you give me the baby, please?
Yeah.
-Thanks.
No, Anna. No driving.
-Just let me go.
No, no, no, no.
-Don't.
I'm just trying to help.
Give me the keys.
-No. I'm...
I won't hate her. I won't
let her spoil my day.
No. Good, good.
I ran out of the room.
Do you think I can go
back in, or is that it?
No, you can go back in. It might
be a little bit embarrassing.
But I... I didn't do
anything wrong, did I?
No, no.
Of course not.
Do you think we can do
the circly thing again?
Yes.
-OK.
You gonna do it or just
dry-retch a few times?
Fuck off.
Why did you make me come
here? You're so stupid.
You wanted this to happen.
No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did.
Because you're all against me.
-Anna, we are not.
You get away with everything
just because you're a man.
You just have to hold the
baby and everyone says,
'Wow, what a great dad.'
People expect so little of you.
Yeah, and I still disappoint everybody.
It's my downfall.
Yours is, you're never satisfied.
Everyone's got a drink on them?
Um...
I just wanted to start by thanking
everybody for coming here today
despite that we had bit of
a... a false start... earlier.
I guess our relationship, actually,
had a bit of a false start.
Um... didn't it?
Kitty was engaged to... another.
But we're here...
.. now.
Um, there used to be a lot of
jokes, actually, that Dolly...
.. Dolly and I would
end up together one day,
but um... Dolly wasn't
really right for me.
I wish...
.. my parents, our parents...
.. could have been here
to see... to see all this.
Some of you may not be aware
but they were killed several
years ago in a car accident.
I might just leave it there.
I think, um, what Peter's trying to say,
that, um...
.. we're... really lucky
to have you all here
to witness and support
us, and in the future,
we hope that you can be
friends of our relationship,
if we ever need reminding.
Hear, hear.
-To the bride and groom.
Cheers.
Time to face the music.
Bye, Viv. See ya, Uncle King.
Come on.
Thanks, mate.
Right, so I'll drive your car home, OK?
No...
Congratulations. You've managed to
make the whole day about yourselves.
Today of all days, my sister should
not have to deal with you, or you.
It's my family, not Xander's.
And now he's poisoning
my son's mind against me
and all of you are going along with it.
When is this going to be over? I have...
Come on.
-I have apol... Leave me alone.
I have apologised and apologised
but you're locking me out.
When will I be punished enough?
Come on.
-Just...
I'm sorry.
-It's not your fault. Come on.
So...
How'd that go?
Are you screwing Theresa?
No.
Are you going to?
-No.
Do you want to?
It's over.
I can't go forward and I can't go back.
I've lost my family.
No. Honey, you haven't.
Hey, it's not all bad.
You've got Vivienne and I. We're here.
It's alright. I'll be alright.
Yes. Yeah.
-Aww.
High five, mate. Winner.
Got another champion on your hands there.
Xander.
-I know. Helen.
Hi.
Hi.
I used to think that I was
the centre of the universe.
But I'm not.
I'm really not.
There's just so much in
my life that I don't know.
Kitty.
I'm just crying 'cause I'm so happy.
It's like I'm free.
Where's my wife?
-Here. That's me.
Sit with us. We're having
big life discoveries.
No, I want to dance with
my wife. That's enough talk.
Congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I freak you out, don't I?
Not necessarily.
-I do. That's OK.
Why won't Nick marry me?
Are you OK?
Nick. Nick, are you alright?
Are you alright, mate?
Get some towels.
So after all of that, this is it.
It's the sum total of my life.
It's a happy bed, though.
Bedpan too.
I can't wait.
No, I'm well, thanks.
Thank you, Peter. Thanks for asking.
The liver tests went well.
My results are through the roof.
I'm three times over the limit.
As always, you don't know where to
stand, you don't know what to do.
Just help me. It's not contagious.
I'm trying to lift you.
Pretend I'm a horse about to cark it.
You always make everything
so fucking hard.
Get pissed off with me all you want.
You heard the doctors.
You did this to yourself.
You're a coward.
I'm dying.
You're dead already, on the inside.
Hey...
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
Hey.
This is what you do.
OK?
-Yeah.
After the wedding, it's
obvious Anna's fucked.
What are we going to do?
-Not my problem.
Come on. What about Kasper?
It's not healthy, a child of
his age to reject his mother,
however angry you both are
... and me too, I'm angry.
I'm not angry. Seeing her like that...
Not much to win there, is there?
Right, and now we've all got
to think about the future.
I might actually survive
this. I think I'm over it.
What's this?
-Divorce settlement.
I signed it this morning.
Anna. Hello.
Hey. Congratulations, Kitty.
Have you seen this one?
Yeah.
Look, people will have their fun,
Anna, and then they'll get over it.
What about everyone else?
The family?
Um...
.. it'll all blow over...
.. somehow.
Or it won't.
We all just want to help you.
I've had a taste of
your help already, Kings.
That's why I was there, remember?
Yep, OK.
I'm fine.
No, you're not.
You have no idea how I am.
Maybe you need a change.
Have you thought about moving up near us?
There's plenty of space and air.
Maybe you should consider it for Kasper.
I mean, this place is definitely
no place for children.
Things may not be easy in the beginning
but Dolly and I will help you.
Maybe being there will
help deal with the family.
Crystal?
I'm here, baby.
When I kissed you, it was the beginning...
.. of the best part of my life.
Damn it.
Do you need more? I'll go get your stuff.
It's OK.
Peter.
Peter.
I'm scared.
You don't need to be.
What's going to happen to me?
What's on the other side?
What if there's a hell?
What if I'm going to burn?
No.
It's not going to be as bad as you think.
It's not going to be bad at all.
You won't hurt anymore.
You've got nothing to be scared of.
OK?
Here.
Dying takes a long time, doesn't it?
You can't keep avoiding him.
I wish he'd just... shot his arm
full of whatever and overdosed.
It'd be better than this.
I can't watch him dying.
He's living, actually,
just not for much longer.
Does he have to be such
an arsehole about it?
Anyone who's ever lived...
.. ever...
.. dies.
This is his turn.
It can't be easy.
It's our job to help him.
Peter.
Shit.
-Peter.
You have to.
Nick? Peter's here.
I've always...
I've always been jealous of you.
You did everything without
thinking anything through.
Reckless... popular.
I worked so hard to be good all my life.
It's been smaller than I would have liked.
I mean, you did all the worst
things but you've been happy.
You've been braver in
your life than I have.
We're all a bit lost, aren't we?
I mean, there are so many
ways it's possible to fail.
I'm sorry...
.. for not being better.
Nick?
Nick.
Nature's Wellness. Live a natural life.
Hello?
Anna? It's, um, it's Kitty.
Hi.
I've been carrying all this shit around,
being angry with you and trying
not to be, and it's exhausting.
I forgive you.
You do?
Yeah.
That person that was angry
with you, that was the old me.
The new me doesn't have
that hanging over her.
I know you have a lot going
on in your life and...
.. I'm not mad at you.
I hope that brings you some comfort.
Goodbye.
I should have been relieved.
My brother isn't here anymore.
I don't know what that means.
You, though...
.. you were incredible.
You just got on with it.
Thank you.
Tick for me.
You're staring at me.
I like looking at you.
I don't know how to
cope with that, though.
You don't have to cope
with it. I'm just looking.
Yeah, but...
.. now I'm thinking, any second,
you're going to realise I'm not
as good as you thought I was.
You're not easy to know.
You're like a jungle...
.. with everything tangled
and growing close together.
In the middle of that
jungle, there's a river...
.. with the sunlight sparkling on it.
That's what I'm looking at.