The Batman (2004–2008): Season 1, Episode 3 - Traction - full transcript
Several crime lords band together and hire an elusive solider of fortune named Bane to take out the Batman. At first glance Bruce doesn't see Bane as a major threat. But this doesn't last ...
Mummy's just come from
the most awful party, Princess.
The catering was a disaster.
The guests were strictly B list.
And Carrie would not shut up
about her trip to New Zealand.
Mummy needs a long, hot bath.
Hush, Princess.
Mummy has a headache.
Princess, what is going...?
Third high-rise this week,
all with the same MO:
No prints, no forced entry,
no physical evidence of any kind.
I'd say it sounds like our Batman,
if he were a burglar.
I thought I set it on the...
The Batman! Freeze!
Hey, you! Stop!
Go, Bats.
Hey, Alfred, check this out.
Strix nebulosa laponica...
a rare species of owl native to China.
According to the Batwave
search function...
these scratches from the victim's
dressing table match the owl's talon span.
Someone has trained a bird
to perform burglaries.
Without suggesting that I'm not sufficiently
impressed with your deductive powers...
I must remind you that you have
a gala fundraiser to host.
- Right, Alfred. Tomorrow night.
- Sir, it is tomorrow night.
We wouldn't want any guests
growing suspicious of how...
billionaire bachelor Bruce Wayne really
spends his time after dark, now, would we?
Hello, ladies.
Smile, please. There you go.
- Beautiful. Beautiful.
- Michael! Michael!
Look over here. Over here. Great.
Make way. Make way.
The Oz-meister is in the house.
Bruce Wayne...
king of the castle, ruler of the roost.
- Have we met?
- Cobblepot. Oswald Cobblepot...
of the new casual Cobblepots.
But call me Ozzy.
We have a lot in common, you and I.
We're young, rich and handsome.
- I don't think I've heard of...
- I've been abroad.
Just got back from a tour of the Orient.
I see.
And speaking of a broad...
Well, I, for one, have certainly
heard of the Cobblepots.
My grandfather used to butler
for them in England...
and they were obnoxious then as well.
Grandpa Pennyworth worked himself
to the bone for those wretched snobs...
and they treated him like a stray dog,
then had the nerve to fire him.
Get lost, creep.
Spunky.
Hey, miss, wait up.
How about some victuals there, Jeeves?
Hey. Sorry about the weird guy. Sure you
don't wanna stick around for the band?
Bruce.
Amanda Raymont. We met last year
at the Earth Day thing.
You know, maybe I will stick around.
Pardon me.
- You know, trespassing is against the law.
- Oops, busted.
- Ethan. I see you brought a guest.
- My partner.
Hi. I'm Bruce.
Detective Yin.
Freeze!
- You wanna come in and join the party?
- Not tonight. We're on the clock.
Orders. Keeping an eye on high-profile events,
with that string of robberies and all.
- Are you okay?
- A bird attacked me.
Freaky. When I was a kid,
a seagull snagged my sandwich.
I'm sure it just thought your rubies
were berries.
More shrimp puffs, and be quick about it.
And no skimping on the mayo this time.
- I will have you know...
- Everything okay here, Alfred?
I was about to inform Mr. Cobblepot that
his name does not appear on the guest list.
Let me see that!
- An oversight.
- No doubt.
But this is a charity event.
So if you wish to continue devouring
the hors d'oeuvres...
you must make the required donation.
Is that so?
Here's my contribution, Jeeves!
Oh, dear.
Best teach the help some manners, Brucie.
That's what separates the Waynes
from the Cobblepots.
Ones?
The odd thing is, I was certain I'd heard
the Cobblepot fortune...
had long since been squandered.
They had to leave England
to avoid the shame.
It'd be a shame if you didn't
get some sleep, Alfred.
- And try not to dream of these Cobblepots.
- And you, sir?
The Batman has some birdwatching to do.
I don't believe it.
My serving tray's gone missing.
That homunculus pilfered it
just to spite me.
Well, Grandpa Pennyworth would've wanted
to know what became of the Cobblepots.
One of Cobblepot's girls.
Where's Kabuki Twin number two?
Great. Double trouble.
Cobblepot Manor?
Well, you came this far, Pennyworth.
Hello?
So this is what became
of the Cobblepot fortune.
Revolting.
I'm home, my pretties!
"High-rise jewel thefts baffle police."
Dozens of similar crimes across Asia
which suddenly stopped last week...
and started up again in Gotham.
So Cobblepot is behind it.
Just got back from a tour of the Orient.
Let me see that!
And he used my guest list as a checklist
for tonight's crime spree.
Alfred.
Alfred?
Maybe he's out running errands.
Anchovies.
Who's there?!
Who trespasses in Cobblepot Manor?!
Hide-and-seek, then.
Well, well.
Come to help with the dusting, Jeevesy?
Actually, I just popped in
to reclaim some missing property.
Fine. You can use it to serve me
more of those shrimp puffs.
The days of Pennyworths serving
Cobblepots are long since over.
You're a Pennyworth?
And the only thing keeping me
from walloping you soundly...
is the shame the news of the incident
would bring upon my Master Bruce.
Wayne, shmayne. The good old days when
Cobblepots were king are coming back...
because I am gonna restore the Cobblepot
name to its former wealth and glory.
If you intend to do so by pilfering,
it may take a while.
Not as long as you think, old man.
You? Birds?
Oh, dear.
Allow me to fetch those shrimp puffs
right away.
Unhand me, you harridans.
My pets haven't been fed this evening...
and they are famished.
But why feed them seed...
when they can feast
on a treat of meat?
Who's that?
- What are you doing here?
- Long story.
No, no!
Come back, my pretties!
Jolly good.
So it seems the tales
of The Batman are true.
But really, who names himself
after a mangy flying rodent?
Just one question, Batman.
- How'd you find me?
- You left a trail of breadcrumbs, Cobblepot.
Please!
Now that all pretenses are off,
call me Penguin.
A flightless bird, but one with style!
My word.
A few tricks I picked up in the Orient.
I have a few tricks of my own.
Bring it on, rodent boy.
Watch where you're stepping.
Stay down, Penguin.
And have you miss what's coming next?
Let me guess, a little something
you picked up in the Orient.
This penguin has claws!
Right, then.
Bird beats bat.
There's a nice cage
waiting for you, Penguin...
in the Gotham State Pen.
As thrilling as it was watching you work,
sir, from here on out...
I shall leave the sleuthing to you.
Because I am gonna restore the Cobblepot
name to its former wealth and glory!
Behind you!
That is for Grandpa Pennyworth.
- We'll leave this bird for the police.
- Oh, dear.
And what of those birds?
They flew the coop.
Oh, my goodness.
That's game.
Dogs are on you, dog.
Hey, congrats on
the Cobblepot bust, Ethan.
You know, it's hard to believe that such
a big time crook was at my party.
I can't take the credit for this
one, Bruce.
Big secret, but Gotham's favorite vigilante
collared him for us.
Now, in some ways, man, I'm glad freaks
like this Penguin bring out The Batman.
Hopefully, it's not The Batman
who brings out the freaks.
the most awful party, Princess.
The catering was a disaster.
The guests were strictly B list.
And Carrie would not shut up
about her trip to New Zealand.
Mummy needs a long, hot bath.
Hush, Princess.
Mummy has a headache.
Princess, what is going...?
Third high-rise this week,
all with the same MO:
No prints, no forced entry,
no physical evidence of any kind.
I'd say it sounds like our Batman,
if he were a burglar.
I thought I set it on the...
The Batman! Freeze!
Hey, you! Stop!
Go, Bats.
Hey, Alfred, check this out.
Strix nebulosa laponica...
a rare species of owl native to China.
According to the Batwave
search function...
these scratches from the victim's
dressing table match the owl's talon span.
Someone has trained a bird
to perform burglaries.
Without suggesting that I'm not sufficiently
impressed with your deductive powers...
I must remind you that you have
a gala fundraiser to host.
- Right, Alfred. Tomorrow night.
- Sir, it is tomorrow night.
We wouldn't want any guests
growing suspicious of how...
billionaire bachelor Bruce Wayne really
spends his time after dark, now, would we?
Hello, ladies.
Smile, please. There you go.
- Beautiful. Beautiful.
- Michael! Michael!
Look over here. Over here. Great.
Make way. Make way.
The Oz-meister is in the house.
Bruce Wayne...
king of the castle, ruler of the roost.
- Have we met?
- Cobblepot. Oswald Cobblepot...
of the new casual Cobblepots.
But call me Ozzy.
We have a lot in common, you and I.
We're young, rich and handsome.
- I don't think I've heard of...
- I've been abroad.
Just got back from a tour of the Orient.
I see.
And speaking of a broad...
Well, I, for one, have certainly
heard of the Cobblepots.
My grandfather used to butler
for them in England...
and they were obnoxious then as well.
Grandpa Pennyworth worked himself
to the bone for those wretched snobs...
and they treated him like a stray dog,
then had the nerve to fire him.
Get lost, creep.
Spunky.
Hey, miss, wait up.
How about some victuals there, Jeeves?
Hey. Sorry about the weird guy. Sure you
don't wanna stick around for the band?
Bruce.
Amanda Raymont. We met last year
at the Earth Day thing.
You know, maybe I will stick around.
Pardon me.
- You know, trespassing is against the law.
- Oops, busted.
- Ethan. I see you brought a guest.
- My partner.
Hi. I'm Bruce.
Detective Yin.
Freeze!
- You wanna come in and join the party?
- Not tonight. We're on the clock.
Orders. Keeping an eye on high-profile events,
with that string of robberies and all.
- Are you okay?
- A bird attacked me.
Freaky. When I was a kid,
a seagull snagged my sandwich.
I'm sure it just thought your rubies
were berries.
More shrimp puffs, and be quick about it.
And no skimping on the mayo this time.
- I will have you know...
- Everything okay here, Alfred?
I was about to inform Mr. Cobblepot that
his name does not appear on the guest list.
Let me see that!
- An oversight.
- No doubt.
But this is a charity event.
So if you wish to continue devouring
the hors d'oeuvres...
you must make the required donation.
Is that so?
Here's my contribution, Jeeves!
Oh, dear.
Best teach the help some manners, Brucie.
That's what separates the Waynes
from the Cobblepots.
Ones?
The odd thing is, I was certain I'd heard
the Cobblepot fortune...
had long since been squandered.
They had to leave England
to avoid the shame.
It'd be a shame if you didn't
get some sleep, Alfred.
- And try not to dream of these Cobblepots.
- And you, sir?
The Batman has some birdwatching to do.
I don't believe it.
My serving tray's gone missing.
That homunculus pilfered it
just to spite me.
Well, Grandpa Pennyworth would've wanted
to know what became of the Cobblepots.
One of Cobblepot's girls.
Where's Kabuki Twin number two?
Great. Double trouble.
Cobblepot Manor?
Well, you came this far, Pennyworth.
Hello?
So this is what became
of the Cobblepot fortune.
Revolting.
I'm home, my pretties!
"High-rise jewel thefts baffle police."
Dozens of similar crimes across Asia
which suddenly stopped last week...
and started up again in Gotham.
So Cobblepot is behind it.
Just got back from a tour of the Orient.
Let me see that!
And he used my guest list as a checklist
for tonight's crime spree.
Alfred.
Alfred?
Maybe he's out running errands.
Anchovies.
Who's there?!
Who trespasses in Cobblepot Manor?!
Hide-and-seek, then.
Well, well.
Come to help with the dusting, Jeevesy?
Actually, I just popped in
to reclaim some missing property.
Fine. You can use it to serve me
more of those shrimp puffs.
The days of Pennyworths serving
Cobblepots are long since over.
You're a Pennyworth?
And the only thing keeping me
from walloping you soundly...
is the shame the news of the incident
would bring upon my Master Bruce.
Wayne, shmayne. The good old days when
Cobblepots were king are coming back...
because I am gonna restore the Cobblepot
name to its former wealth and glory.
If you intend to do so by pilfering,
it may take a while.
Not as long as you think, old man.
You? Birds?
Oh, dear.
Allow me to fetch those shrimp puffs
right away.
Unhand me, you harridans.
My pets haven't been fed this evening...
and they are famished.
But why feed them seed...
when they can feast
on a treat of meat?
Who's that?
- What are you doing here?
- Long story.
No, no!
Come back, my pretties!
Jolly good.
So it seems the tales
of The Batman are true.
But really, who names himself
after a mangy flying rodent?
Just one question, Batman.
- How'd you find me?
- You left a trail of breadcrumbs, Cobblepot.
Please!
Now that all pretenses are off,
call me Penguin.
A flightless bird, but one with style!
My word.
A few tricks I picked up in the Orient.
I have a few tricks of my own.
Bring it on, rodent boy.
Watch where you're stepping.
Stay down, Penguin.
And have you miss what's coming next?
Let me guess, a little something
you picked up in the Orient.
This penguin has claws!
Right, then.
Bird beats bat.
There's a nice cage
waiting for you, Penguin...
in the Gotham State Pen.
As thrilling as it was watching you work,
sir, from here on out...
I shall leave the sleuthing to you.
Because I am gonna restore the Cobblepot
name to its former wealth and glory!
Behind you!
That is for Grandpa Pennyworth.
- We'll leave this bird for the police.
- Oh, dear.
And what of those birds?
They flew the coop.
Oh, my goodness.
That's game.
Dogs are on you, dog.
Hey, congrats on
the Cobblepot bust, Ethan.
You know, it's hard to believe that such
a big time crook was at my party.
I can't take the credit for this
one, Bruce.
Big secret, but Gotham's favorite vigilante
collared him for us.
Now, in some ways, man, I'm glad freaks
like this Penguin bring out The Batman.
Hopefully, it's not The Batman
who brings out the freaks.