The Batman (2004–2008): Season 1, Episode 11 - Bird of Prey - full transcript

While Bruce Wayne is busy being the subject of a "Day in the Life" segment of a television magazine show, Penguin pulls his latest heist--at Bruce's mansion! Alfred is taken hostage, and Bruce must now find a way to transform into The Batman--out of sight of the watchful TV cameras!

Yes, my pretties.

Show me the money!

Sorry to rain on your parade, Penguin.

I'm always prepared
for inclement weather!

Chop-chop, Batman.

A bat without wings?

Back to your cage, Penguin.

Not before we rattle yours!

We?

For once, I have got to pull a job
some place that Batman isn't.

Stop the car!



He's known by many labels:

Billionaire, philanthropist...

socialite.
But who is the real Bruce Wayne?

You.

Despite a larger-than-life
public persona...

Bruce Wayne has privately managed
to remain a mystery.

Join me, Melanie Bramwell...

for the first ever in-depth interview
with Gotham's most eligible bachelor...

next Tuesday at 9
on A Day in the Life.

If there's anyone I despise
more than the Batman, it's Wayne!

He's got looks and money!

Yes, money.

Wayne's money.

Oh, it's about time, Master Bruce.



The television people
will be here any moment.

You sure I have to
go through with this, Alfred?

Need I remind you, it's vitally important
that you cultivate your public image.

But Melanie Bramwell has a reputation for
making private lives a little too public.

I could be flirting with disaster.

Yes, well. Unfortunately, avoiding
the press only piques their curiosity.

Fine.

When is this thing supposed to start?

"A day in the life,
from breakfast to bedtime."

You are gonna edit this part out, right?

Don't count on it.

I pride myself on
catching my subjects off-guard.

After all, I'm here to get to know
the real Bruce Wayne.

Nice digs.

- Roomy.
- Well, wait'll you see my office.

I'll show you the rest
of the mansion after dinner.

To Wayne Industries, then.

Oh! And it's hours until dinnertime.

Coming. Coming.

Back so...

soon?

Long time, no see, Jeeves.

Blast.

Oh, it's getting dark.

Good thing I brought my evening jacket.

And since my little birdies
cut phone and power...

we won't have any interruptions
while we catch up, old chum.

Now, where is old Brucie?

Master Bruce is in the city
on very important business.

Yeah, a runway for us, Bruce.

You see, bold colors project such
an aura of confidence for Mr. Wayne.

Wish I had a personal stylist.

Then, while we await Brucie's return...

you and I are gonna have some fun!

I must insist that you
leave the premises at once!

Without settling scores with Wayne?

Bull's-eye! I mean, bird's-eye!

But, what has Master Bruce
ever done to you?

Oh, nothing. Nothing really.

Except own everything
that should rightfully belong to me!

I am from noble blood!

The Cobblepots were once
the toast of society!

I am a Cobblepot!

What's cooking?

Oh, now we're talking.

The perfect crime:

Dinner and a burglary.

Oh, Jeevesie!

Your roast is overcooked.

What you got there, Jeeves?

What? Nothing!

Giving old Brucie a jingle, huh?

Good idea.

Wayne Industries contains over a
dozen separate divisions, including...

electronics, engineering
and biomedical research.

And it's all cutting-edge.

And it's all yours,
at the ripe old age of 26.

Oh, would you excuse me for a moment?

Wayne.

Guess who, Brucie.

Sheila?

No, it's Penguin.

Is this 555-43...?

Oh, of course I remember.

Bruce Wayne never forgets a pretty voice.

I'm home with Jeeves.

And he wanted me to tell you...

dinner's getting cold.

For you, sugar, I'd drop anything.

And no police,
or the butler gets it. Get it?

That's a wrap.
I have a friend in need.

No problem. The camera loves drama.

Sorry, Mel. Where I'm going...

cameras are strictly off-limits.

What now?

Dinner.

Top floor. Ugly furniture, tacky artwork,
bad feng shui.

Time to redecorate the bachelor pad!

What was that?

I say, it's the Batman!

What? How'd you find me this time?

It's what I do.

Hello? Anyone home?

Hello?

Your power's out.

Alfred, is that you?

Batman!

Go! Before you get hurt!

Oh, dear.

Well, now, what have we here?

Don't harm us, Mr. Penguin.

Oh, you're that reporter from TV.

So where's Wayne?

I'm beginning to wonder myself.

Well, forget him!
Penguin's your star now.

I'll give you an exclusive.

Right over here.

The true identity of the Batman!

Get ready for your close-up.

Mr. Freeze couldn't bring the heat.

Catwoman needed sharper claws.

Not even that screw-loose Joker
could pull off what I'm about to:

The cowl of the bat!

Wakey-wakey...

eggs and bake-y.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I give you the man beneath the bat!

Unbelievable.

That's for ruining my roast!

Oh, you'll pay for that, old man!

Rematch.

Round two, then!

Make him a bat fillet!

The tape!

I got it!

No!

Clumsy me.

Quick! Load another one.

I can't get a break here.

Hurry! We're missing everything!

You should learn to play nice, Penguin.

Why? I hate your guts.

Tweet, tweet. Fresh bat, my pretty.

We'll win the Pulitzer Prize for this.

I love the four seasons, Batman.

Especially fall!

You're all wet.

- Get it all?
- I hope so. It's a dark night.

"The Dark Knight."

Now that has a ring to it.

Mel? What are you...?

What's going on here?

A long story. The Batman just...

What?

Funny how you and the Batman
have never been in the same place...

at the same time tonight.

Look!

Right there! It's the...

Dark Knight.

Well, excitement's over.

Shall we finish that interview?

Thanks, Bruce, but I've decided to go
with a different subject.

There seems to be more to Penguin
than meets the eye.

Looks like I stole one thing
from you after all, Brucie:

The spotlight!

Now, didn't I tell you?

Oh, I know. I know.

Flirting with disaster.

You were right,
in more ways than you know.

I was in a hurry.