The Avengers (1961–1969): Season 6, Episode 1 - Return of the Cybernauts - full transcript

(Machine whirring)

(Steed chuckles)

I swear it's the truth, Steed.
Ask Emma. She'll confirm it.

- Emma will confirm what?
- The name of this monstrosity.

- A portrait of the artist as a young man.
- Poor fellow.

(Chuckles) Steed refuses
to believe it's a self-portrait.

A terrible thing to do to oneself
and in bronze!

Done at the height of his career.

It looks as though it was done at 3:00 a.m.
with a hangover.

- I don't know. It has a certain appeal.
- Appeal?

Mm. A man doesn't have
to be handsome to be attractive.



There's a sort of ugliness
for its own sake.

And if you look closely
you'll find a sense of humour.

And the eyes are kind.

It hasn't got any eyes.

- Now that interests me.
- Oh. Why?

Everything you say interests me.

Particularly what it is
you find attractive in a man.

- How's business, Paul?
- It's booming.

- It always is.
- Oh, you give me too much credit.

But I've no illusions about myself.
I'm a sort of ... parasite, really.

I feed on other people's talents.

Invest in them.
I have very little talent of my own.

Unless it's the ability to surround myself
with beautiful things.

But what are you two up to these days?
How's business for you?



- Well ...
- I'm sorry. I've embarrassed you.

It's probably hush, hush.
I shouldn't have asked.

Oh, it's not all that secret. You must
have heard about the missing scientist.

- Professor Chadwick?
- Mm-hm.

Yes. Has he defected?

Mislaid. The Ministry prefer to say
"mislaid". Makes it less permanent.

(Phone rings)

Excuse me.

Paul Beresford. Yes, he's here.
Hold on. Steed, for you.

Thank you. Hello? Yes.

When? Well, who was he?

Right, we're on our way.

- Very sorry. We have to leave you now.
- So soon? Not bad news I hope.

It'll be all over the papers,
so there's no harm in telling you.

Another scientist has disappeared. Dr
Russell. Sorry to break up your evening.

- There'll be another one.
- Good night.

- Good night, Steed, and good luck.
- Thank you.

- Good night, Paul.
- Surely Steed can handle this alone?

He could, but I mustn't let him found out.

Good night, Emma.

(Bleeping)

(Clattering)

- I don't know my own strength.
- You're not the only one.

Well, whoever it was
was in a great hurry to get to Russell.

- And get him they did.
- Mm. All the violence and no blood.

Let's hope he's still alive.

- I wish I had that optimism.
- Ha!

You like Beresford, don't you?

Yes. Why? Don't you?

He has a good line in claret,
particularly the 29.

He's charming, witty and intelligent.
There's nothing to dislike.

No. But if I try hard enough,
I'm sure I'll find something.

There seems to be no link between
Professor Chadwick and Dr Russell.

Except that both of them are missing.

But why? Where's the common factor?
They're poles apart.

Take Chadwick.

Chadwick's a physiologist. Knows
more about anatomy than any man alive.

Russell here is an engineer.

Give him any problem in his field
and he'll solve it.

Now all I need is an electronics expert.
Benson and I shall have a complete set.

- I've located the man you need.
- Good.

His name's Neville. Dr Neville.

An ingenious idea, Benson.
A cardiograph.

A man's heartbeat.
As distinctive as his fingerprint.

Once programmed he can find a man
in a city often million.

(Whirrs)

Programmed.

(Whipping)

(Engine revs)

(Tyres screeching)

(Switches on machine)

Are you coming up?

Now is now the time for a glass of claret.
Even a '29. No, I think I'll stay here.

- Yes?
- They've come back.

- What?!
- And the cybernaut's due back.

You've got to get rid of them!

Don't worry about that.
I'll deal with it. Goodbye.

Emma, my dear!

I'm sorry to have startled you,
but the door was open.

What a delightful surprise!

It's not a social visit.
I left my purse here last night.

- Your purse?
- Mm.

Your purse!
Well, it should be here somewhere.

- Here it is. Should have looked there.
- Oh, thank you so much.

- I'll see you again.
- Mm. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Emma.

I see.

Yes, I've got that.

There's been a third victim.
Dr Neville. Within the last hour.

If we hurry,
we may pick up a fresh trail.

- That was close.
- Very.

I told you it was a mistake
to get to know Steed and Mrs Peel.

Cultivating their friendship like that.

Cat and mouse, Benson.
A game of cat and mouse.

The roof was shattered. Split asunder.

- Well?
- Well ...

- What could have done that?
- If we cast our minds back ...

Ha! To a nine-letter word
beginning with "C" ...

Cybernaut.

- The invention of the late Dr Armstrong.
- But we saw him killed.

Well, someone has inherited his know-
how.

Even if that was true,
why kidnap Chadwick, Russell and Neville?

Come in, gentlemen.

Be seated.

Please, no questions.

Not yet.
There's something I want you to see.

The epitaph of a very great man. A genius.

- I see you recognise him.
- Dr Clement Armstrong.

(Beresford) The most brilliant
automation expert of our time.

Amongst other things he invented
the cybernaut, an automated robot.

The most efficient of killers.
His brain child.

Yet his own destruction.

Dr Clement Armstrong.

Video tapes ran continuously
to pinpoint errors within his factory.

It was typical of the man. Methodical,
incisive and nothing left to chance.

(Sound muted)

And yet ...

And as you've just seen they also
recorded the manner of his death.

An untimely death.

Benson here worked with him.

He'll tell you
he was a man of vision, genius.

(Camera roll stops)

Clement Armstrong was my brother.

That's why you're here.

Before each of you is ?100,000 in cash.

I'm prepared to double it.

If you are successful.

Successful in what?

Destroying those who killed my brother.

Or I could have hired some killers.
Paid assassins.

I don't want anything
too quick, gentlemen.

He would have devised
something ... imaginative. Poetic.

You are men of ideas.
Produce me an idea. A new idea.

A rhapsody of suffering.

It's monstrous. Barbaric.

Oh, Dr Russell, I've offended you.
You dissent?

Dissent? I refuse absolutely!

Then you are free to go.

There's the door.

Don't move.

Sit down, Dr Neville.

I shall need another engineer, Benson,
but he ... served a purpose I think.

I take it, gentlemen,
you will be cooperating?

After all, I've had
the same request before.

A new idea, new horror. And for what?

A pittance and a government pension.

Ah, you're talking sense,
Professor Chadwick.

Dr Neville?

You offer us no alternative.

It's settled then.

And now let me show you
your targets for destruction.

John Steed,
adventurer, agent extraordinary.

And the most delectable Mrs Emma Peel.
I want them destroyed.

Utterly. Totally.

Agonisingly.

Dr Russell.
Dumped back here about an hour ago.

His neck's been broken.

That's the trademark of the cybernaut.

If they have built another cybernaut,

they must have had access
to Dr Armstrong's papers.

I'll check his file.

- Where shall we meet?
- Well, Paul's invited us for a drink.

- I'll see you there then.
- Right.

Who will they replace you with I wonder?

"It's all very well for you,"
I said to him,

"but if you think I'm that kind of a girl,
well, you're absolutely right."

He didn't take me up on it, though.
Kept on asking me for more fruit cake.

He's so kinky! Ooh.

Won't keep you a moment.
Woo, I'll call you back, Glad.

Good morning. Can I help you?

I love men with big shoulders.

They really ...

... send me.

Ooh.

Oh!

Ooh.

(Screams)

(Bleeping)

I expect there will be
hundreds of pictures.

- Eh?
- In the papers. Pictures of me.

"Ravishing blonde beauty
defends her honour to the last!"

Well, I would have done.
Have I got time to change?

Before the photographers arrive!

I've got a super bikini.
It's ever so revealing.

Do you know, I've nearly
been arrested twice wearing it.

Well, there won't be any photographs.
Security, you know.

Oh. Oh!

What did he look like, this man you saw?

Oh, he was ever so big and strong.

He attacked me.

I could tell I'd inflamed him.
His eyes were all misty with desire.

His eyes? You saw his face?

Well, not exactly.

What happened?

Did you get in his way
and he pushed you aside? Like this?

Isn't that what really happened?

Well, sort of, but I'm sure
he found me madly attractive.

I'm sure he did.

He was distracted, you see.

Nobody's ever taken
Dr Garnett away like that before.

It must have been ever so urgent.

He didn't even have an appointment.

(Tuts)

Well, Dr Garnett ...

We ... we've explained
the situation to him.

Er ... he's seen sense.
He'll go along with us.

Can't he speak for himself?

Is that so?

You must. You've no alternative.

- I'll help you.
- Good.

After all, research is research.
Whatever the situation.

And who knows? What we discover here
may benefit mankind.

A small section of it anyway.

Whatever you need will be supplied. You
are my guest until your work is completed.

When you have devised a new torment.
A means of destroying without killing.

(Door opens)

Paul?

And here is your first adversary.
Beautiful, isn't she?

It's all right. She can't see.

Study her. Study her well.

Why, Emma! Looking lovelier than ever!
How nice to see you again.

- Will Steed be joining us?
- Mm-hm. Later.

I have you to myself for a while.
Sit down. Let me help you with your coat.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm so sorry! How clumsy of me!

Ah, I know this face.

- An automation expert. A Dr Clement ...
- Armstrong.

Clement Armstrong.
Yes, yes. He approached me once.

For finance. I wasn't able to help him.
I was too committed at the time.

But I recall being most impressed by him.

Extremely brilliant. Exceptional.

He was certainly that.
A complete megalomaniac.

Government by automation.
That's what he wanted.

A madman's dream.

Yes. As you say.

- I'm not late, am I?
- Just in time, Steed.

- That's Steed?
- Yes.

- I met him once.
- So did I.

The Louisville, 28. Pride of my cellar.

I'm certainly looking forward to that.

I'm expecting a call.
I left your number. Do you mind?

- Not at all. Help yourself.
- What's the latest?

Well, the score stands at four.
A fellow called Garnett. A Dr Garnett.

Nothing to show, but a hole in the door.

By the way, Paul knew Armstrong.

Oh, very brief acquaintance.
He's dead now, isn't he?

His work goes marching on. I'm expecting
to find out how when I see his lawyer.

Lawyer? I thought Armstrong
was in the automation field.

- He was.
- Then how can a lawyer help you?

Next of kin.
I'm hoping to trace his next of kin.

Ah. Steed ... look at that.

As an expert
wouldn't you say that was corked?

- Indubitably.
- Mm. Not a brave little traveller.

- Ah ...
- Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

I'll just get another bottle.

- Can I help you?
- No, thanks, old chap. Won't be a moment.

(Door closes)

I must say you're very much at home here.

Paul is very hospitable.

Especially if you're fair, female
and quite beautiful.

You're quite pretty yourself.

I happen to like him. He's civilised.
Good to be with. Interesting to talk to.

And there rests the case for the defence.

I must say he took great pains
to get to know you.

Now you know very well
we met accidently at an auction.

And after that ... great pains.

(Chuckles) Steed, you're jealous!

Well, I wouldn't say that, Mrs Peel.
Just thoughtful.

I told you that lawyer was dangerous.
We should have dealt with him earlier.

(Phone rings)

(Rings)

- Hello. Steed.
- 'Conroy here.'

'You were enquiring
about Armstrong's lawyer.'

Yes, that's right. Did you trace him?

'Yes. John Hunt.
High Pines, Edgington. Got that?'

High Pines, Edgington. Yes.

Thank you very much, Conroy. Goodbye.

Get that address? Transport him there
in a hurry. I'll delay Steed.

You've work to do! Get on with it!

(Machine whirring)

- Here we are.
- Paul, I'm sorry, but I have to go.

That seems to happen every time
you come here, Steed. Just one little sip.

Louisville. I'm very tempted.

Just a little glass.
We couldn't open it without you.

I'm afraid not, Paul.
Mrs Peel will help you out.

- Well, they'll be a third time.
- Third time lucky.

Bye-bye.

(Door closes)

You'll never open it with that.

(Chuckles) Oh, where was I?

(Whipping)

(Glass shattering)

Keep back! I'm warning you.

(Gunshots)

(Steps on crackling glass)

(Creaking)

- Oh, no, thank you. I'm driving.
- Why bother? I've guestrooms galore.

- You're very kind.
- I wish you'd allow me to be kinder.

I really must go.
Thank you for a marvellous evening, Paul.

Oh, don't forget this.

- Good night, Emma.
- Good night.

(Gate buzzes)

- Yes, Garnett?
- I need some equipment.

- Oh, we've had an idea, have we?
- Yes.

And what have you got in mind
for Steed and Mrs Peel?

Well, it's purely theoretical
at the moment.

More in the nature of an experiment.

- This is a bit costly.
- I understood we had unlimited resources.

You'll get what you need.

(Peel) How's the head?

What head? I'm numb from ear to ear.

Never tangle with a cybernaut.

Tangle? I was almost decapitated! Ooh!

Well, this ice should ...

Should be in a glass
with a large whisky wrapped around it.

All right.

(Groans) Oh!

Ah, well, it's part
of the great tradition.

Unless one's head is in two separate
halves, huh, the show must go on.

Where are you going?

You wrestle with Armstrong's file,
will you?

Ooh! I'm going off to the Ministry.

(Gasps) Oh, it's you, Mr Steed!

It is I. Mr Conroy in?

- Yes.
- Mm.

There's a very good chance
that you may be nearly arrested again.

Ooh!

(Door closes)

Oh, hello, Steed.

Trying to get some semblance of order
into Garnett's papers. Nothing on him yet?

No. I was going to ask you about him.

Who, Garnett? Brilliant fellow.

- Ideas man.
- Ideas? About what?

Anything pertaining
to defence or aggression.

And Neville and Chadwick?

Vastly different field of operation,
but, yes, they're all the same breed.

They're all,
what you might call, specialists.

In destruction.

Well, you could put it that way.

Here's something very odd.

Garnett's medical file.
The cardiogram is missing.

It was the same with Chadwick and
Neville.

Their cardiograms are missing too.

Could you tell me more about these men?

Garnett, well, he specialises
in explosive devices.

(Gate buzzes)

Take me to Beresford.

Well, Garnett?

- I see it, but what does it do?
- This.

Stop him! Stop him!

(Gunshots)

Stop him!

(Coughs)

- He's got away.
- We'll have to bring him back, won't we?

(Machine whirring)

(Footsteps approaching)

(Bang on door)

Dr Garnett ...

You ... Steed. Warn you.

Don't talk.

(Water flowing)

I'll deal with him later.

- Where's Neville?
- He's in with Chadwick.

It's feasible.
You'll agree, Neville. It's feasible.

And clever.

- It's diabolically clever.
- Exactly what Beresford wants.

You're like him. Worse. You're ...

Logical! That's what I am. Logical.

You saw what happened to Russell
and Garnett didn't get very far, did he?

No, no. We have to play along with him.

And then there's the money. ?200,000.

One could do a lot
with that kind of money. Neville?

When it's all over you could ...
You could benefit mankind. If you wish.

I trust you are not abusing
my hospitality, gentlemen.

On the contrary. I think
we've found the answer. Eh, Neville?

A means of destroying Steed and Mrs
Peel?

The ultimate.

I like it, gentlemen.

I like it very much.
The very nature of it appeals to me.

It's ... it's an extension. They will not
die and yet they'll wish they were dead.

A perpetual torment. My brother would
have approved. Your idea is worthy of him.

- There are still some difficulties.
- What sort of difficulties?

Merely details.

Of course we shall need
certain information about them.

The conductivity of the skin,
epidermal resistance.

And getting this information?

Well, if it could be arranged

that they touch or hold
some metallic object,

we could secrete
our instruments inside it.

Then it's easy.

You shall have your information.

(Steed) How's the head?

(Groans) What head?

It's numb from ear to ear.
You never should ...

I know. Tangle with a cybernaut.

This cybernaut's an advance
on Armstrong's.

The cardiographs missing from the files
suggest it's directed by the heartbeat.

- That's a handy little toy to have.
- Mm.

Find out anything from Armstrong's files?

Nothing worth pursuing.

But Garnett said something
that implied a threat against us.

Us?

(Phone rings)

- Hello?
- Hello, Steed? Paul here.

'Oh, Paul, yes?'

It's about Armstrong.
You still interested in him?

Yes, of course. Why?

Well, I may have some information for you.
Can you drop by later?

- I'll be right over.
- 'Good. I'll expect you.'

They're on their way.

(Steed) I know her.

(Peel) Do you like it?

(Machine whirring)

I prefer the original,
but then I'm prejudiced.

Oh! And I meant to surprise you!

You certainly have.

It's splendid,
but I far prefer the original.

(Machine clicking)

(Steed) Found out
something about Armstrong?

I thought I had.
Turned out to be very unfruitful.

His factory was sold to some warehouse
company and everything else was scrap.

I'm sorry to drag you over here for that,
but there's always the wine.

A loaf of bread and thou.

(Ticks)

- It's complete!
- (Beresford) The control box?

- It'll fit into your pocket.
- Very convenient.

So terrifyingly simple.

Merely an advance on the pacemaker.

If a man's heart stops beating, it can be
kept going by an electrical impulse,

but the device in this watch
is more versatile.

Once switched on
it ... jams the brain, so to speak.

- Takes over the will.
- The entire nervous system.

They'd be fully aware
of what's happening to them.

Fully aware. Fully.

But unable to resist
and they will be no more than puppets.

Or human cybernauts.

Yes. Human cybernauts.

This is first-class, but only a theory.
I'd like a practical demonstration.

- A practical demonstration?
- Impossible without a human guinea pig.

But we have a human guinea pig,
Professor Chadwick.

Garnett?

And why not Garnett?

Right, Benson.

(Machine whirring)

No, Professor Chadwick. You
demonstrate.

(Machine whirring)

Stop.

You're right. A puppet. A human cybernaut.

(Control zaps)

His heart.

You've killed him. (Tuts)

It's as well to know the limits
of this device.

I regard it as a full test and
a successful one. Well done, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Benson ...

... exchange this
for Steed's watch tonight.

And Mrs Peel?

I'll deal with her personally.

But Paul, I couldn't. I couldn't possibly.

- You don't like it?
- Well, of course I do, but ...

Then accept it in the spirit it is given.

As a mark of my esteem
and my admiration.

I ... I ask only one thing in return.

Wear it for me tomorrow.

(Steed) Exactly as I found it, Mrs Peel.

- Are you sure there's nothing missing?
- Not a penny piece.

- That's very mysterious.
- Very.

Lunch is at one.

- When Paul phoned I was in two minds.
- Oh? Why?

There's an old saying, "Three's a crowd."

There's equally an old saying,
"Safety in numbers."

- Er, what's the time?
- 12:30.

Oh.

- Paul?
- Mm. He practically thrust it on me.

Well, you could have stepped aside
or at least thrust it back.

- I just might do that.
- I'll get my coat.

I should say they're about ready to leave.

So let's put your brain child
into action ... now.

Mrs Peel? Mrs Pe...

Mrs Peel!

(Tyres screeching)

- Should be here at any moment.
- If it operates over the distance.

- It will. It will!
- I hope so. I do hope so.

(Horn blares)

(Tyres screeching)

They're here!

Where's Steed?

- What's happened to Steed?
- I don't know.

(Benson) You said nothing could go wrong.

- It could be a loose connection.
- Or perhaps he dropped it. It's delicate.

Yes, it's delicate.
It does work. You can see.

Well, my dear Emma.

A trifle late, but you're forgiven.

And wearing my gift I see. Thank you.

It's a special one
as you must have guessed.

You can hear me, Emma?

Yes, I see you can. Good.

(Laughs)

Emma ... come here.

You obey me immediately. I like that.

Is anything more gratifying
than obedience from a beautiful woman?

Beresford!

- He's not wearing the watch.
- Have a spare?

- Yes, I have.
- Then why don't you get it?

Yes.

The cybernaut?

No.

Our new puppet.

Mrs Peel!

Mrs Peel.

What's wrong?

You know, you're behaving
in a very strange way.

(Clicks fingers)

Yes, my brother, Mr Steed.

Nice time to tell me.

I've waited a long time for this moment.
Such a long time.

I've been very ... very patient.

No ordinary watch, Mr Steed.
It controls the will.

The entire nervous system.

But does it keep good time?

You destroyed my brother
and now is the time for retribution.

An endless retribution.
Oh, I may kill you.

One day, if it amuses me to do so.

But for the time being,
you'll be like her. A puppet.

Without self-will or control.

A prisoner inside yourself.

Obeying my every whim. My every wish.

Soon you'll envy this steel monster here.

It's just a machine.
He has no feeling. No awareness.

Yes, I think you'll come to envy him.

Benson.

(Machine whirring)

Steed, you must understand.
We had no choice. No ...

- Sorry, Mrs Peel.
- My pleasure.

The control!

(Control zaps)

He's had some kind of nervous breakdown.

I'd say he was on the verge
of a total collapse.

My turn.

- Any luck, Steed.
- Yes. Extremely delicate.

But almost complete.

I must say I never thought you'd do it.

I do say it myself,
I have a certain electronic talent.

There. Your toaster as good as new.

Yes, but will it work?

As it has never worked before.

Do you know, we should be very grateful.

- For what, pray?
- Living in the 20th century.

The world of thermostats,
computers, transistors.

- Not forgetting automatic toasters.
- Indeed not.

Hot fresh toast at the merest flick
of a switch. Light, medium, well done.

(Explosion)

(Clattering)

(Peel) Congratulations.

That's the first thing Great Britain's
ever got into orbit.

Shall I butter them
or preserve them for posterity?