The Angry Video Game Nerd (2004–…): Season 1, Episode 13 - A Nightmare on Elm Street - full transcript

It's gonna take you back to the past

To play the shitty games that suck ass he'd rather have a buffalo

Take a diarrhea dump in his ear

Brother

Man slow a roadkill skunk and down it with beer

He's the angriest gamer you ever

No, no you like nintendo and nintoso

You liked apply is shitting games

Who are you fucking nerd you wanna play some dr. Chen older? Hi no no

Or you wanna play my game, bitch

Ha ha



Horrible

This game is my fucking nightmare. It's a frustrating incoherent pile of vomit and shit

Even the first screen is kind of weird because it shows Freddie without his glove

But his knives are still coming out of the fingers now

I think I might actually have an explanation for this in the movie nightmare part 2

Now they just fucked up

So you play as some dude who has some serious balls because he punches snakes right in the fucking face

And you don't have to anyway just jump over them all

This guy is the worst luck ever because rocks randomly fall out of the sky and flocks of vampire bats come after him

Even though it may appear to be a typical side scroller it isn't at all

There's nothing self-explanatory or even fun about this diarrhea mess

I can't figure out what I'm supposed to go some of the doors are closed and some of them are open

But it hardly seems to matter because usually there's only one on the entire Street that you can go inside

Whether it's open or shut it seems completely fucking random ya figure that out



So you go inside one of the houses and guess what it's crawling with ginormous spiders

So what do you do you give them a tastier fist punch them?

smack them around

Assholes goddamn fucking spiders and eat my ass you fucking bitches show me our man punch those spiders

spiders

punch them

snakes

You want some too?

So I get to this little square door on the floor, and I can't go down the arrow says down which probably means

That's where I'm supposed to go, but I can't

It's not till later

I find out I'm supposed to collect all the bones in this room first

When I first start playing this I had no clue what they are for but now

I realize you have to get the bones because that's the point of the game

And if you can't find every single last one of them you can't leave the room

And some of them are practically invisible they blend in with the background because the graphics just suck

Yeah, play that shitty game

The plot of this game is that you're trying to collect all Freddy's bones, so you can destroy them in a furnace

Confused well Freddy's dead and now his bones are somehow scattered all around every house on Elm Street

Meanwhile Freddy's entering your dreams

Just like in the movies, and he can only be stopped when his final remains no longer exist

Damn Freddy's got a lot of fucking bones, and they all look exactly the same classic cartoon dog bone

You know come to think of it the plots kind of like Simon's quest

Why would Simon want to go around collecting pieces of Dracula? He was killed the first time just leave him alone

Imagine Batman killed the Joker and then he scattered his pieces all over the fucking city and then went around collecting them all

What a bunch of fucking shit in

Fact the gameplay in Nightmare on Elm Street itself is a lot like Simon's quest it has that strange presence to it

Where you slip in and out of day to night in this case? It's a dream world and a awake world

It's got that nonlinear quality to it where you're always confused trying to figure out where the fuck to go, ahh

tastes the major suckage chef fucking nerd

So at the end of each house some weird incarnation of Freddy appears in this part. It's Freddy's hand on a bunch of balls

What were they thinking?

So you go around looking for another house you can go in and none of them. Let me in

Try the cemetery nope can't go there

What's with the zombies

They look like the Frankenstein monsters walking with their arms stretched out like how fucking sterotypical is that?

Can I go in the junkyard?

nope

Just keep walking around

Walking down guess. It's Elm Street, which happens to be the longest fucking Street in the world. Oh look

I finally found a house I can go on the one with the door that shut that makes sense right

What the fuck are these?

Lollipop ghosts with stick arms or the enemies in this game designed by some kindergarten kid for Halloween

I'm surprised. They don't have skeletons, too

They actually do have skeletons

What the fuck could the buildings be anymore stock?

Like we had this creepy game about Freddy

What kind of creepy characters could we add well how about bats ghosts spiders skeletons and?

Frankenstein's for the kitties could be anymore uncreated than that look why don't they just add some witches black cats and flying

Jack-o'-lanterns, they should have just called the game boom haunted house

Which is probably what they originally had in mind until they thought no wait make it about Freddy

We already ruined fry the 13th now. Let's do the same thing in Nightmare on Elm Street, and that's right

It's by the same company. We're not gonna say who it is, but it stands for laughing joking numbnuts

Also listen to the music

Sounds familiar doesn't it in fact?

It sounds kind of like it's recycled from who the fuck Framed Roger Rabbit another piece of garbage they made

What were they thinking?

You love it. You know you do

So let me explain how the dreamworld thing works you have a sleep meter that goes down

If you're standing still it goes down if you get hit it goes down and in time it goes down by itself

so anything you do or don't do the sleep meter goes down earng Zara Burch and

Once it's down all the way you go to sleep unless you didn't already fall asleep playing this fucking game

So when you're in the dream world all the enemies are stronger

Which doesn't even matter anyway because you can turn into this other character that throws javelins and does the spinning jump

There's also other dream characters. You can play as actually collect the dream token. Just like in the movie nightmare part 3

except for the dream tokens part so if you play in the dream world for a lengthy period of time the Freddy music starts playing

Then Oh God it's Freddie coming he sure is

Of all the shitty things in this game this screen is so cheesy that it's just awesome

But it's ruined by the fucking trademark symbol

Anyway, you fight Freddie, which turns out to be real disappointing

It's just a simple flat room and he walks back and forth swatting at the air like he's blind come on Freddie

To get out of the dream world you have to get the radio to wake yourself up

Then you have to wait for the change back to the oh wait world

It's annoying like in Simon's quest but in Simon's quest

It's way worse because it's against your own will it happens so often and you don't expect it in

Nightmare on Elm Street at least you're doing it on purpose, and you get that rocking tune rather than just dead silence

But now I'm using my fists again, give me the javelin back

I want to go back to sleep you actually have weapons in the dream world so what's the point?

You know what's really weird

That this game was actually capable of a four player mode using an accessory that allowed four controllers to be connected to your Nintendo Entertainment

System now I can't imagine having four people playing this game who's gonna want to play this piece of shit

I'm lucky if I can get one other person. I have a better chance of cloning myself

Horrible

a

Lot a shitload of hey wait wait wait wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream

I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fucking game?

Yeah, so the hell with that shit. Yeah the hell with that

Damn, shit the hell with that damn

Fucking shit the hell with that goddamn motherfucking bullshit

blacks

Now what should we do with the cartridge how about smash it with the hammer

Yeah, that's not good enough. I know let's drop it out the window now come on be creative

I say we take a shit on it good. Do it empty your ass all over it

I don't kind of take a shit though you take a shit you gotta take a shit who's gonna take a shit

I gotta take a shit then take that shit

Bombs away

Diarrhea Fein oh hey come on it's not that bad

Front door

Whoa

I'm a fucking nerd what a piece of shit buffalo diarrhea fuck farts

See you nerd

Nobody makes you play these games, but yourself, so you're your own damn nightmare

Now you get it down

Go yank your cock through your ass. Yeah fucking butt mongrel. I got the power glove

That was a weird dream