The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Mayberry Band - full transcript

The Mayberry Band is looking forward to going to the State Capital for the annual state-wide band competition. The new Mayor however thinks otherwise. He's heard the band and thinks they're not only the worst imaginable but a disgrace to the town. Andy talk him into listening them just once more but it only convinces the Mayor more than ever not to let them go. Andy comes up with a plan however. It just so happens that Freddy Fleet and his Band are passing through Mayberry and Andy twists their arm into helping them out.

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.




Oh, by golly!

That's nice, Burly, that's nice.

Oh, that's real nice, Burly.

Real nice.

Anything special
you want to hear?

Wait. Let me think.

Um... gosh, Burly

you got such a large repertoire.


Uh, Floyd.

Oh, hello, jubal.
Howdy, jubal.

Sheriff...and all.

Uh, can you work me in, Floyd?

Aw, I'm afraid not, jubal.

My hat's getting awful tight.

Well, can you stand it
until tomorrow?

See, these fellas are
all members of the town band,

and they all have to have
haircuts for their annual trip.

We're going to Raleigh
for the band festival.


Gosh, I don't know what to do.

Do you mind a suggestion, jubal?

My mind's open.

Leave your hat off
till tomorrow.

Say, there's an idea.

Best sheriff this town ever had.

Jubal's a nice old fella.

One of the best.
One of the best. Yeah.

Hey, Andy,
can I see you for a minute?

I got something over at the
courthouse I want to show you.

I'm due at the town council
meeting in just a few minutes.

This'll only take a minute.

Oh. Okay.

That's it. Yep.

There, Andy.


You guys getting all spiffed up
for the band festival, huh?


All dolled up.

You lucky guys.

I'll see you after
council meeting

and give you a full report.


Wait a minute, Andy.

Just a second.

Ah... ah.

There you are.

Much obliged.

Every head
a walking testimonial.

Ain't gonna tell me what you got

on your mind, huh?

You'll see.

Hey, Freddy fleet's band's
in town.

Hey, Freddy!

Hey, there Andy!

How are you?

Fine. You remember
Barney Fife.

Sure I do.
How are you, Barney?

Oh, 10-4.

Whatcha doing in town?

We're just passing through.

We're doing Raleigh tonight

for a dance date.

Hey, leader man.

Big Phil!
Andy, Barney...

This is Phil sunkle,
my new horn.

How are you?

How's it going, man?

Uh, he's givin' you
a little skin.

That's a musician's handshake.

We're gonna make
the food scene, man.

You want to fall in with us?

Crazy. I'll fall in
in a minute.

Uh, Andy, I can leave the bus
here for an hour, huh?

Oh, sure, sure.

Crazy. Thanks a lot.


Real wild, man!

Well, sure is a lot
of coincidence

around here today.

We leave the Mayberry
band in the barber shop

and run into another one.

Well, things happen in cycles.

Remember last week
it was head colds.

Well, the best part of the
music cycle's about to begin.

What do you mean?

Follow me.

Hurry up, Barn.

I'm due at the council meeting
in five minutes.

I'm coming out now.

Just sit there
with your back to me.

All right, my back's to you.

Holy smoke, Barn!

What are you trying to do?

They're great, ain't they?


They're great, ain't they?


Well, what?

Do I qualify?

Can I go with you and the band
to the state capitol?

Well, I don't know, Barn.

Where'd you get them cymbals?

Chicago. A place
called cymbal city.

Cymbal city.


That's pure brass.

Yeah. Well, them's
the Andre kostelanetz marchers.

Must've cost you
a dollar or two.

Well, I went for the best.

Looky there...
That's pure leather.

You know, I could have gotten

another pair for $14.50
with leatherette,

but I figured, you know,
representing the town and everything,

I'd just go
for the whole apple pie.

I don't reckon
you can get your money back

from cymbal city.

Well, hardly.
These are used now.

I've played
about 15 songs on them...

"Under the double eagle,"
"pomp and circumstance,"

"Mayberry, my Mayberry."

What do you say, Andy?
Can I go with the band?

Well, now, Barn, see

nobody gets in
without a audition.

All right, audition me.

Well, I ain't got
time right now.

Oh, how long can one song take?

All right.

Hey, Barney.

Hey, Barney.

Hey, Barney!

That's fine.

You're a natural.

Then I'm in?

Well... not as
a regular cymbalist.

You're in
as a standby cymbalist.

We ain't got a cymbalist.

That's the best kind
to stand by for.

Now, what do you say to that?

Andy... I'll say it
with music.

The motion is carried.

All right, gentlemen

the next item of business?


Well, as you all know

I'm chairman of
the dance committee

for this year's apricot
blossom festival.

Hear, hear!

What did you say, Ralph?

"Hear, hear."
Something you say at meetings

when you like something
somebody said.

Go on, merle.

Well, as you one and all know

it's tradition hereabouts

to have Japanese lanterns
at our spring blossom dance.

At least, we've always had them

as far back ascan remember.

I have the sorrowful duty

to report there
ain't any available.

Oh, did you look
over in mt. Pilot?

Well, have you
thought of balloons?

Well, balloons is so
doggone commonplace

at apricot festivals.

Merle, you have no choice.

Somebody move we use balloons.

I move we use balloons.

Oh, let me move.

I never get to move.

All right, Ralph.

I move we use balloons.

At the apricot festival.

At the apricot festival.

I second.

Any discussion?

All those in favor

signify by raising your hands.


Balloons passed.

Well, that was the last item

of business, gentlemen.

Meeting adjourned.

Uh, wait a minute, mayor.

There's this
one other item here.

What is it?

It's the city
treasurer's voucher

to send the town band
to the capitol.

Just sign right there.

Uh-uh-uh, sheriff.

Not so fast.

It's the same as last year
and the year before

and for the last ten years.

I am not going to sign it.


Sheriff, we have the worst
town band in the entire state.

Well, I know that.

The whole idea is to kind of
give the boys a outing

and pay 'em back for playing
for parades and things.

Sheriff, it has bothered me
for years

having that band
go up to the capitol.

They're a disgrace
to the town of Mayberry.

There will be no trip this year.

The boys have been making plans.

They've been soaking their reeds
and getting haircuts and everything.

A lot of personal expense
has been laid out.

Now, they're gonna be
awful disappointed.

My mind is made up.

Well, wait a minute, mayor.

Barney has spent good money

on a pair
of Andre kostelanetz marchers.

All right,
he can wear them for work.

They're not shoes...
They're cymbals.

I am sorry if they're
money out of pocket.

Now, you'll have to excuse me.

I have an appointment.

Oh, merle, see if you can

get different-colored
balloons, hmm?

Oh, wait a minute, mayor.

Now, I don't mean
to bulldoze you

and granted, the boys
don't play very good

but I figure on rehearsing them

real good and real hard
today and tonight.

Now, how about hearing them
one more time

before you make up your mind?

Sheriff, you know
good and well...

A half hour of your
lunch break tomor...

15 minutes.

A half a chorus
of "stars and stripes forever."

Oh, all right.

We'll work real hard.

Oh, sheriff?

Yes, sir.

I'll listen to 'em before I eat.

The mayor'll be here any minute.

Barney, will you quit that?!

I'm trying to talk to the boys.

Now, we ain't got much time.

Oh... right, chickie, baby.

I'll cool it, chickie.


He got that from Phil sunkle.

He's been hanging around the
Freddy fleet band all afternoon.

Well, listen...


Will you all listen?

Cool it!

Cool it!

Come on, cool it!

All right, let's cool it.

Let's let Andy make the scene.

Okay, gas it up, chickie.

Thanks, Barn.

Now, Carl, getting back to you.

If you'll just clamp down
on that mouthpiece

a little bit more...

Try Andy gumpin' your chin more.

Yeah, maybe
you can make it sound...

Now, you're gumpin' it.
There you are.

Now, Rudolph...

Psst... psst...

Afternoon, mayor.

All right, sheriff...

Let's get on with it.

Uh, the acoustics are better
way in the back.

I'll be fine right here.

Go on, play something.

All right, boys,
turn to number 12 in the brown book

and play it like you
never played it before.

Everybody ready?

Well, mayor?


I'll admit they sound better
than they did last year.

There you are, boys.

But they are still

the most disgusting band

I have ever heard
in all my life.

No trip.

Oh, it isn't fair.
It just isn't fair!

Oh, boy, that mayor.

He's a mean one.

Yes, yes. It's all
Carl's fault.

He's first clarinet

and he can't even carry a tune.

Me? You're the one...

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute, fellas.

Wait a minute.

Now, it's nobody's fault.

Ain't no use fighting
among ourselves.

That's just the way
it happens sometimes.

Burly, why don't you
play something

and cheer the boys up?

Oh, my heart just ain't in it.

Hold everything!

What is it?

Don't give up, boys.

We may get to go yet.

Come on, Barn.

Where are we going?

A standby cymbalist
never questions his leader.

My boys play with your band?

Well, it's just
for a half hour, Freddy.

Just long enough
for the mayor to hear us.

Look, Andy, I'd like
to accommodate you

I really would,
but we got to get going.

Like, now, chickie?

Andy, maybe next time, huh?

Wait a minute, Freddy.

Uh, Barn, I think
we'll just hold this bus

for a routine check.

What routine check?

Interstate pest control.

It is bug month, you know?

I almost forgot about that.

Deputy, go ahead
with the inspection.

All right, everybody
out of the bus!

Come on, let's go!

Bring out and open all suitcases

metal containers,
paper bags, wallets

and any and all
other enclosures.

These shall be spread out here

on the sidewalk

for a close and
thorough inspection.

You're serious, huh?
Hold it, boys.

You know, I should have known

you'd pull something like this.

All right, we'll do it.

Hey, it might be a gas at that.

Oh, much obliged, Freddy,

and we promise
to have you out of here

in time for your date.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You know something, sheriff?

Every time I come into this town

you pull one
of your potbellied schemes.

: Well, we're trying to figure
out some way to make you stay.


Right, Barn?

Sheriff, I couldn't possibly go
and listen to that band again.

I have to be in mt. Pilot
at 3:00 P.M.

I haven't got time.

Well, mayor, just stop
for five minutes

and give 'em a listen.

The boys didn't sound good
because they were settin' down.

We're a walking band.

We got to keep moving.

Having heard you play,
I can believe that.

Andy, come on, will
you push this thing?

This thing is dragging.
We got to get going.

Okay, Freddy.

Hey, hey, boys.
We better hurry up.

The mayor will be here
any minute.

Hey, Barn, you better
get on lookout.


Ah, good.

That's going to look very nice.

Here, here, good.

Floyd, you change
uniforms with him.

"Change uniforms
with him?!"

That doesn't seem fair, Andy.


Well, after all

I play trombone quite well.

I've been a member of this band

ever since its inception.

And besides that, I'm a founder.

You just don't take a founder

and just set him to one side.


All right, Floyd, you can march

but don't play.

Here, change uniforms with him.


Yeah, yeah, yeah.


All right, boys

let's form up and try

"stars and stripes forever"
one time and see if we mesh.

All right, line right up now.

All right,
"stars and stripes forever."


You don't have any music.

Don't worry about it, daddy.

I'll read your lips.

Hold it. Hold it, boys.

Hold it!

Phil, I know them
furbelows is hard to do

and I admire your ability

to run them off like that

but we better play it straight.

The mayor's liable
to get suspicious.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

Like, I thought I was
playing it straight, constable.

Matter of fact

I thought I was playing it
kind of quaint.

Well, quainten it up
just a shade more

and get your hat down there.

Maybe hold your chin
down as far as you can.

Maybe your goatee

will look like a hairy necktie.

Andy! Andy!

He's coming!
The mayor's coming!

Go get set

and then give us a signal.


Ah, hello, miss Johnson.

There's little Wendell.

Hello, Wendell!

Fine boy.

Hi, Mr. Mayor.
Hello. Hello, Fife.

We got you all set up over here

where you'll be nice
and comfortable.

Just make yourself
real comfortable

right there on the bench.

That's good.

There you go.

All right.

Are you all set?

Fine. All set.

Howdy, mayor.

Well, sheriff

I can hardly believe my ears.

What'd you think of them?

Pretty good, huh?

They sound fine

but tell me, didn't I see
some new players in there?

Uh, it's the uniforms.

I just can't believe my ears.

How'd you like
that arrangement, mayor?

Pretty good, huh?

Well, they sound fine.

Progressive, right?

Son of a gun, he spotted it.

You got a good ear, mayor.

Warm up the bus, Phil.

We'll never make Raleigh.

All right, boys,
you're on your own.

What was that I saw?

One of the players
seemed to have

something on his chin.

On his chin?



That was Burly Peters.

He had blueberry pie for lunch.

It looked kind of like...

Shh, here they come.

All right, sheriff,
you've convinced me.

They can go to the capitol.

But it's beyond me

how you ever whipped
that ragtag group

into shape in such a short time.

Oh, patriotism
and perspiration, mayor.

Hold it, fellows!

The mayor says we can go.

Oh, much obliged, mayor.

You won't be sorry about this.

Much obliged, mayor.
Much obliged.

You won't be sorry about this.

Who in the world is that?

Uh, I don't know, mayor.

It, uh, a couple of them
had beards there.

Must be one of them
traveling religions.

I hope you'll be proud of us

when we get up there.

Better get on.

Time to go.

Get right on the bus now.

Come on. Come on.

We don't want to be late
getting up there.

I would like to say a few words.

Hey, boys! Hey, boys!

Hold it, boys!

The mayor wants
to make a little speech.

Hold it!

Give me them!

Go ahead, mayor.

Thank you, sheriff.

I'll be brief.

I just want you to know

that I am proud

of each and every one of you.

You have overcome
innumerable obstacles

to play well.

And we can send you off

with pride and joy in our hearts

knowing that you will do the
fair city of Mayberry proud.

Good-bye and good luck.

Much obliged.
Go ahead, Barn

get right on the bus.

We'll see you, mayor.



Well, we'll see you, gang.

So long. See you later.

See you, Floyd.


Oh, it sure is good
to be home, ain't it?

I'll go along with you on that.


Had a good time at the capital,

a good time
at the band festival,

but it surely
is good to be at home.


How'd it compare to last year?
Was it any different?

Mm, about the same.

We were still
the worst band there.

Yeah. Well,
you want to know something? What?

I'm gonna do my part about that
right here and now.

Are you?
Yes, sir.

I'm gonna keep
right on practicing

so as I'll be nice and ready
for next year,

and I'm gonna get started...

Uh, no, no, no, Barney.

Don't... don't...
Don't hit the cymbals together.

Just... just don't.

I-I don't want to hear
another band instrument

for a good, long time.

Well, if you say so.

Oh, my head's
about to bust wide open

from all them sour notes
the boys been playing right now.

It's good...
It's good to be at home

where it's nice and quiet.

No... no band music.

Hi, pa!

Oh, hi, ope.

Come here, you little buzzard,
and give me a hug.

Guess what, pa!

I won a door prize
at the movie house.

No, you didn't.

And you'll never guess
what it is.

I bet I won't.

It's right here...

A real bugle,

and I get 10 free lessons
with it, too.