The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 3, Episode 4 - Andy and Opie - Bachelors - full transcript

With Aunt Bee away visiting relatives for 3 or 4 days, Opie and Andy are left to fend on their own. Andy new girlfriend Peggy offers to stop in and help them out but Andy says it's not necessary. Floyd the barber overhears the conversation and warns Andy that if he's not careful, Peggy will soon be taking over and making herself indispensable and once that happens, wedding bells won't be far behind. Sure enough, the first night she shows up, cooks them a fabulous dinner and tucks Opie into bed. Remembering what Floyd told him, Andy sets about avoiding her until he realizes that they are both adults and no harm can come from one friend helping another.

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Now, Andy, Opie should get
a haircut on Friday.

I told Floyd
that you'll bring him in.

Now, can you remember that?

I'll remember.

And tell Floyd
not to cut him so naked

up the back of his neck.

Last time he looked
like a baby bird.

No bird neck. I gotcha.



I believe the driver's
ready to leave

aunt bee.
I see him.

I didn't know
I looked like a bird.

Now, you tell Floyd, Andy?

I will. Now-now get aboard.

There.

Ooh, ooh, the list!

I forgot to tell you
about the list.

You told me about it.

It's on the kitchen sideboard.

And it gives you
complete instructions

how to heat up the pot roast

and how to warm the chicken...

All aboard!



Did you have to do that
right in my ear?

Oh, Andy! My earring.

It went under the bus, aunt bee.

I'll get it.

Ma'am, I said all aboard.

It was your "all aboard"
that loosened my earring.

Oh, good.

There you are.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Now, come on,
aunt bee, get aboard.

I'd appreciate that.

Good-bye, dear.

Bye.
Have a good trip.

Be good, Opie.

Tell 'em all hello.

Here's your suitcase.

Oh, my... my bag.

Yeah, all right.

Hi, Andy.

Oh, hi, peg.

Ooh, ooh.

I didn't tell you
about the chicken.

Oh, Peggy, thank heavens.

Will you look in on these two

helpless creatures
while I'm gone?

Be glad to, aunt bee.

Good-bye, dear.

Good-bye.

Bye.

Ooh, ooh, Andy,
I almost forgot...

Your clean underwear.

Uh, aunt-aunt bee...

I stacked your shorts
on the ironing board.

They're all clean.

Fine, aunt bee.
Thank you.

You change your underwear
soon as you get home?

Yep.

Make Opie change.
His bottom is ripped.

Now you remember
all those things.

Bye. Have
a good time.

I want you boys
to be clean inside and out!

Say hello to everybody.

Bye.

Pa, did you get
all them instructions?

If I didn't,

I was the only one in town
that missed 'em.

Come on.

How long is aunt bee
gonna be gone?

Three or four days.

Gone to see her aunt Louise

they ain't seen in a long time.

I'd love to come help you
boys out while she's gone.

Aw, you don't have to do that.

You got enough to do
with the nursing calls.

We can handle it.

We couldn't go wrong
if we was blindfolded.

I know, but I'd enjoy it.

I really would.

If you need anything, uh,

just let me know, hear?

I'll do it.

Okay.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

Hi, Floyd.

Hi, peg.

I'm going to ride
my bike, okay, pa?

Go ahead.
I'll see ya.

How you doing, Floyd?

Fine, fine, fine.

But not as fine as
you are, I'll bet.

What?

That's a pretty little
housekeeper you have there

coming in to take over
for aunt bee.

What are you talking about?

Well, miss Peggy.

Didn't she say
that she was going

to come over
to help out. Eh?

It sounded to me
like she was going

to kinda move in
on you two chaps...

And take over. Nice.

Well, if she was to come over,

it'd be just the one time
and that's all.

Oh, sure. Sure.

Yes, it starts here and then
it ends with your mailbox.

My mailbox?

Yeah. This is
how it happens.

Uh, she'll want to come
over to your house

to make supper,

and then she'll
take Opie upstairs

and tuck him into bed...

And then she'll offer
to come the next day...

And the next day

and then she'll
kind of hint around

that she wants to
do this all the time...

And then it happens.

What happens?

You'll be out changing
the card on your mailbox

to read,
"Mr. and Mrs. Andy Taylor."

That's what I mean when I say...

Floyd, are you crazy?

Oh, not that I don't think
that peg is a fine...

Oh, she's a lovely girl.

You could do a lot worse.

Floyd, nobody's got anything
like that in mind,

so just forget it.

You know, I'm surprised
at you, Andy...

All you know about fishing.

What?

You just don't realize

that she's playing you
like a barracuda.

And you could get caught, too.

Floyd...

Oh, not that miss Peggy
isn't a fine girl...

She's just a lovely girl...

But you don't realize
what's going on...

Oh, it's a customer.

So, I, uh...

Well, I'll see you
later, barracuda.

Oh, oh... Andy.

Hi, pa.

Hi, ope.

Pa, what are we
having for supper?

Well, we've got...

Put that underwear
somewhere, will ya?

See aunt... aunt bee...

Your aunt bee give us a choice.

What'll it be,
chicken or pot roast?

How about if we just had some
chocolate cookies and milk?

Oh, no. Your aunt bee'd
skin me alive

if she thought I'd give you
something like that for supper.

But she ain't here.

Well, got to be
something more substantial.

How about a licorice whip?

No. You need something
that builds you up.

We could chew tar.

Johnny Paul Jason says
tar's real good for the teeth.

That's an old wives' tale.

Johnny Paul ain't married.

Well, it ain't gonna
be chocolate cookies

and milk and licorice and tar.

Now what'll it be...
Chicken or pot roast?

Pa, can I have a nickel?

Is that for spending
or deciding?

Deciding.

All right.

There you are.

Pa, is heads
chicken or pot roast?

Pot roast.

Then we're having chicken.

Now, let's see,
according to aunt bee's list...

Give me my nickel.

We preheat the oven
at 350 degrees.

Here you are, pa.

Much obliged.

Now...

Be sure you don't lick
the point.

It's an indelible pencil.
I won't.

If you lick indelible,
you die in a minute and a half.

Who told you that?

Johnny Paul Jason.

Boy sure is a gold mine of made

he reads in bed
with a flashlight.

Well, let's see.

I put everything in
at 10 minutes till 6:00.

Pa, pa!
Come quick!

Something's burnin'
in the kitchen!

Oh, no.
Look at that.

Look at that chicken.

What a mess.

They say eatin' burnt food

will give you a
good singin' voice.

"They" being Johnny Paul Jason.

Open a window and let some of
this smoke out, will you, ope?

All we need's company right now.

See who's at the door, ope.

The potatoes and...

Oh... hi, peg.

Oh, Andy.

Well, my timing
was a little off.

Well, here, let me
fix something.

Oh, no, no, no.

I still got a half-done
pot roast up my sleeve.

I can manage.
Now you just go out on the porch

and get the chicken smoke
out of your lungs

and I'll call you
when supper's ready.

Give me that apron.

We wouldn't want to impose.

You're not imposing on me.

It'd be fun for me.

Let miss Peggy
have some fun, pa.

Besides, I'm starvin'.

Well, it's awful
nice of you, but...

Now out! Out!
Out! Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

Supper's on.

Golly, pa.

Would ya look at that table?

Peggy, this is just pure gala.

Can I make a wish
and blow out the candles?

Oh, no, no.

These ain't wishing candles.

This here is what ya call
gracious livin'.

That's a very nice
compliment, Andy.

And rightly so.

Here.

Mm-mmm!

There.

Yes, sir!

Ain't ya gonna do me, pa?

Oh. Only ladies.

Oh.

Oop... wait
for miss Peggy.

Is it good?

Mmm-mmm!
Mmm-mmm!

♪ Down in the valley

♪ valley so low

♪ hang your head over

♪ hear the wind blow

♪ hear the wind blow, dear

♪ hear the wind blow

♪ hang your head over

♪ hear the wind blow

♪ if you don't love me

♪ love whom you please

♪ throw your arms 'round me

♪ give my heart ease

♪ give my heart ease, dear ♪

♪ Give my heart ease

♪ throw your arms 'round me ♪

♪ Give my heart ease

♪ roses love sunshine

♪ violets love dew

♪ angels in heaven

♪ know I love you

♪ know I love you, dear ♪

♪ Know I love you

♪ angels in heaven

♪ know I love you

Well, lookit there...

Ope, on behalf of my partner
and myself, I thank you.

Sing another'n, pa.

No, no, no.

Just one more.
No, no, no. No, no.

No, and I'll tell you why. Why?

'Cause it's time for bed.
Now get on up there.

Aw, come on, pa,
just sing one more.

One more! You're stalling
and you know it.

Now get on upstairs.

Thank miss Peggy
for the fine supper.

Okay, pa.
Mmm.

Thank you for the fine
supper, miss Peggy.

Best I ever had.

It was my pleasure, Opie.

Good. Now hurry up.

Buzzard.

Pa?

What?

Can miss Peggy come up
and tell me good night?

Oh, well...

I'd love it, Andy.

No. That's
too much trouble.

Can she, pa

listen, I'll tell
you what you do...

You go upstairs,
put on your pajamas

and brush your teeth,
and I'll be right up, okay?

Okay.

Peggy, you're, uh...

You're going to way yonder
too much trouble for us.

Oh, nonsense, Andy.
I love it.

Well...

I'd like to come back
tomorrow night

and do the same thing again.

I would.

You coming, miss Peggy?

Coming, Opie.

...You're out changing
the card on your mailbox

to read,
"Mr. and Mrs. Andy Taylor."

"Mr. and Mrs. Andy Taylor."

"Mr. and Mrs. Andy Taylor."

Pa?

When's Barney comin' home?

Soon as his vacation
in Raleigh is over,

another week.

What does Barney do
on his vacation, pa?

Oh, same as he did last year...

Gets hisself that corner room
at the "y,"

then he'll put on
his pongee shirt,

go downstairs and get a haircut
and a shoeshine.

Then he'll hang around the lobby
there at the "y,"

watch some ping-pong games.

By now it's time for supper,

and he'll go in the coffeeshop
there at the "y"

and have hisself a special.

What's a special?

More than likely, Vienna sausage
with tomato sauce.

And then after supper, he'll
stay right there at the "y,"

take in one of their shows...

Maybe see a movie

or hear a lecture on
sportsmanship and cleanliness.

Then after that, he'll have
a tapioca and hot chocolate.

And then it's time for bed.

Boy, that sounds like great fun.

Yeah. Yeah,
I just love tapioca pudding.

Hi, Andy.

Well, miss Peggy.

Hi, miss Peggy.

Hi, peg.

Whatcha got in the basket?

Lunch... a little
cold chicken, potato salad.

Oh, boy!

Peggy, you didn't have

to do all that.

You haven't had lunch.

Well, yeah, but...

No buts, just dig in.

Peggy, you're doin' too much.

That-that wonderful
supper last night

and cleanin' up
and tuckin' Opie in

and now this and...

You're just gonna
have to put on your brakes now.

You've served way above

and beyond the call of duty

and you're just
gonna have to stop.

We just can't
take advantage of ya anymore.

Andy,
but you're not takin' advantage.

I enjoy it.

I love every minute of it.

Look, pa, look!

Your favorite...
Chicken with crust.

Oh, that's nice.

That's very nice.

Well, I'm gonna have
to be goin' now.

So, I'll see ya.

Bye-bye.

Right, uh... bye.

Boy, this is good.
Mm-mmm.

Miss Peggy enjoys doin' it
for us, don't she?

Yeah, I guess she does.

It's just like

you and she bein' married.

What?

I said it's just like
you and she bein' married.

You think that's
why she's doin' it?

'Cause she's practicin'
for when you and she

might get married?

Uh...

I, uh...

I don't, uh, don't know, ope.

The average man would smile
at such good fortune

because she is a lovely girl
and she's a good cook

and she's got
the face of an angel.

Slight overbite,

but she is... oh, she's
got a lovely personality.

You know...

I'd say that you'd be lucky
to get her for a wife.

Floyd, I'm not
lookin' for a wife.

No. A lookin' man
is not a marryin' man.

You know, love just happens.

Two people just fall together.

What do you know about love?

What do I know...
About love?

Well, you can't cut hair
for 30 years

without learning something.

Well, Floyd, you might
as well be the one

to spread another
rumor right now:

Nothing's startin'.

Yeah, maybe not
from your side, it ain't.

From her side, it sure is.

If you ask me

she's got her cap set
for one sheriff Andy Taylor.

You might as well
also add, Floyd,

that she ain't cookin'
supper at my house tonight

nor any other night.

W-W-Wait, but I haven't
finished with your hair.

I owe you a sideburn.

Next time you can do three.

Uh, n-no, Peggy.
It's nothing to do with you.

It's just that Opie and me
want to spend an evening alone,

you know, by ourselves.

We don't get a chance
to do that much.

Uh, good.

Good, i-I'm glad you understand.

Right.

Bye, peg.

What'd miss Peggy want, pa?

Oh, wanted to know
if we was mad.

Come on.
Eat everything right up.

Mm-mmm.

Good ol' wienies and beans.

That's your favorite.

I'm eatin', pa.

Great bein' bachelors, isn't it?

Just what you wanted to do.

Pa?
Can we light the candles?

Fellas don't light candles when
they're eatin' by themselves.

Mm.

I sure liked the flickerin'.

Pa?

Hmm?

Let's talk.

You told miss Peggy
we was gonna talk.

Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?

Whatcha want to talk about?

I don't know.

Anything you'd like to hear.

Well, makes no nevermind to me.

Me either.

Well, uh, how 'bout
we talk about school?

That's a good talkin' thing, pa.

Yep.

How's school?

Oh, fine.

Pa?
Hmm?

Play guitar.

Whatcha want to hear?

I don't know.

Anything you'd like to play.

Oh, well, I...

I don't feel much like playin'.

Okay, then let's talk.

What you want to talk about?

I don't know.

Anything you'd like to hear.

Ope?

Yeah, pa?

Seem like
we covered this ground before.

Well...

Guess I better go in the house

and wash them dishes.

Anybody home?

Miss Peggy.

Oh, uh, hi...
Hi, peg.

Hi, Andy.

Are we glad to see you.

You are?

Yes, ma'am. We had
a terrible supper.

You did?

Well, look at the table.

Can't you tell?

Oh, it, uh, wasn't that bad.

Well, I'm still hungry.

Why don't I fix ya
up somethin' quick?

Would ya, miss Peggy?

Oh, no, no. We don't
want to bother miss Peggy.

You're not botherin'
and troublin' me at all.

I'll just fix you up
somethin' you'll just love.

Peggy, uh...

Why are you doin' all this?

What?

I say, uh...

Why are you
goin' to all this fuss over us?

I feel sorry
for a couple helpless bachelors.

And you obviously can't cook.

Opie's gonna starve
himself to death.

And I enjoy doin' it.

Why else should I want to?

Oh, for, uh...

What you just said.

That's right.

Opie, you put the
candles on the table

and, Andy, you get your guitar.

My guitar?

Sure. Keep me company
in the kitchen.

There must be loads of songs

for kitchen singin'.

Come on, snap to.
Get goin'.

Come on.

Pa?

Yeah?

What happened?

You didn't want to sing before,
and I didn't want to talk

and now, well...
What happened?

There's a woman in the house.

That's all there is to it?

That's all there is to it.

And we ain't worried
she's comin' here too much?

Not one bit, and I ain't goin'
to listen to Floyd either.

Floyd?

Well, ya see...

Never mind.

We're just gonna have fun,
and that's all there is to it.

Hmm.

That's all there is to it.

I'll have to talk
to Johnny Paul Jason about this.

That's the way these rumors
start, Andy.

It just takes
one blabbermouth, you know?

Yeah. Well,
it's just plain silly.

Ah, silly.
Silly... that is right.

That's... that's right.

Now, I mean, isn't it possible

for one person
to be nice to another

without somebody saying,
"guess who's getting married"?

Yeah. Blabbermouths...
They're the ones that start it.

Hi, Andy. Floyd.

Oh, hi, Peggy.
You looking for me?

Yeah, I just dropped by
to tell you

I left a lunch basket
off at your office.

Ohh.

Some nice roast-beef
sandwiches in it,

and the one on rye is for you.

The one with peanut butter
and jelly is for Opie.

Oh, that's nice!

And I'll be by at 5:30
to fix supper for you.

Now, I got a special treat
for tonight,

so you be sure
and be on time, you hear?

I'll be there.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

Ohh.

That's the nicest girl.

Isn't she the sweet...

Oh, she is...

Floyd's barbershop.

Yeah.

Ollie? Oh, how are ya,
Ollie?

Yeah. 4:00?

That'll be fine, Ollie.
Oh!

Ollie, have I ever got
some news for you.

Guess who's getting married.

He's right here in my sho...

Blabbermouth.