The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 3, Episode 3 - Andy and the New Mayor - full transcript

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Uh, Sarah, get me the diner,
will you?

Oh, juanita?

Hi.

Barn.

How you doing?

Working
the breakfast shift, huh?

Well, I thought I'd call now
and ask for a date for tonight.

You know what they say...



"the early bird
catches the worm."

Uh... I didn't mean it
that way, honest.

Well, uh, listen, I thought
I'd come by your place tonight

and bring you a new record
you'd like to hear.

Ted weems.

Real dreamy stuff.

Soothes the savage in me.

Yeah... yeah.

What?

Oh, a customer came in.

All right.

:
Call me back.

Bye.

Ah...



♪ bum, bum, bumbee

♪ bum, bum, bee-li, bee

♪ bee-li, li-bee, bubba, li-li

♪ doo-dah, de-la-ti

♪ doodah, ti-li.

Morning, Barn.

Hi, Andy.

How was fishing?

Fine, fine.

Opie caught himself
a real beaut.

Did he?

What's that smell?

What?

That smell.

You been painting?

No, I ain't been painting.

What's that?
What?

That right there.

You stuck something in there.

What's that?

Shaving lotion.

"Nuit de Paris"

or "Paris nights."

That's famous stuff.

A lot of celebrities use that...

Radio announcers and everything.

"Capture the fragrance
of riviera Rose petals

"and the passion
of the mediterranean moon

in a rugged he-man scent."

Mmm...

"User
should wear gloves."

Come on. You're
funny, aren't you?

Boy, you're really funny!

Give you 100 on the laugh meter.

Lord.

Hey, Jess?

Yeah.

Better get up.

Your wife coming
to pick you up about 10:00.

Oh. Good.

Only she says there's enough
work piled up on the farm

out there to keep you out of
any moonshining trouble

for a good long time.

Little moonshining
never hurt no one.

You know, that's just
a sideline with me, Andy.

Don't you want to help
the little businessman?

Yeah, I want to help
the little businessman

stay out of trouble.

Hey, Barn, how about you
doing the morning reports?

I got a meeting with the mayor.

Oh, he won't be in this early.

He'll be there.

Being he's just been elected,

he'll be early
for the first two weeks anyhow.

Hi, Barn.

Did you hear about
my fish, Barney?

I sure did.

Isn't that a whopper?!

Gee.

You been painting
something, Barney?

You told him to say that,
didn't you?

How could I tell him
to say that?

Ope, what you smelled was
Barney's aftershave lotion.

Oh.

I'm sorry, Barney.

It doesn't really smell so bad.

No worse than my fish.

You're in cahoots...
That's what you are.

You're right in cahoots!

The two of you are very funny.

A real riot.

You ought to go on the stage...

Regular Burt and squirt.

Sheriff's office.

Who is this?

This is deputy Fife.
Who's this?

This is mayor stoner.

Where is the sheriff?

Uh... uh, he's on his way up
to your office, Mr. Mayor.

I don't understand why
he ain't there by now.

He left sometime ago.

He's late.

Well, uh...

Andy, you'd better
get on up there.

He sounds kind of mad.

Oh, let him be mad.

Good for a fella
to get a little mad

real early in the morning.

Gets the circulation started.

You know,
like you got mad at Opie

when he said your perfume
didn't stink as bad as his fish.

Morning, mayor.

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry I'm late.

I took Opie fishing
and got late on us.

Well, we won't make
a habit of it, will we?

Uh...

I thought there was a meeting.

There was... an hour
and six minutes ago.

Oh, I am late.

Yes.

Well, I've disposed
of my business

with all the other departments

and made my recommendations
for improvement.

Now let's get to you.

Me?

Yes. I think there's room
for improvement

in your department.

Oh, yeah, there's always room
for improvement.

What'd you have in mind?

Well, there are
several things...

I've an impressive
little list here.

About your gun...

What about my gun?

You don't carry one.

Barney carries one.

But he doesn't have
any bullets in his gun.

He's got one in his pocket.

What if a situation arose
where you had to make an arrest?

What would happen?

Well, mayor, if there's somebody
I have to shoot at

I'll get a gun and shoot at him.

Give Barney some bullets,
and he'll shoot at him, too.

"He'll shoot at him, too."

That's not what
I call "law enforcement."

Mayor, you know, over there
in the old country...

Over there in London, england...

Them fellas over there,
them policemen

they don't carry a gun at all.

They just carry a stick.

You want me and Barney
to get a couple sticks?

Sheriff, I am going to send in
a report on every department

in the entire township
of Mayberry

to the governor's office.

Now, I would like to include
your department favorably

in that report.

I certainly hope you can.

Morning, everyone.

Oh, Mrs. Ambrose.

I got to go to the store.
Uh, would it be all right?

Sure. Any time at all...
You know that.

Thank you, Barney.

Uh-huh.

Oh, is there
any special formula this time?

No, no, no.

I gave him his bottle
before coming to town.

Good, good.

Oh, uh, Barney,

if Jeremy starts crying
before I get back,

will you give him his rattle?

It's on the cot beside him.

Mm-hmm, yes, ma'am.

What in the world is that?

It's Barney's perfume.

Oh.

Your daddy ever say
anything to you

about being seen and not heard?

Sheriff's office.

Oh, hi.

Did you get rid
of your customer?

I'm glad you called back,
'cause I want to...

Uh, just a minute, will you?

Say, ope...

Why don't you run over
to Frazier's

and get yourself
a licorice whip, huh?

Oh, sure, Barney.

Mm-hmm. Good boy.

Just put that in there.

It's me again.

Listen, about tonight,
uh, I thought

maybe we could drive up
to Willow Lane and park,

see how the other half live.

Yeah.

We'll have to get there early

to get
a place near the duck pond.

Huh

all right.

You call me back.

Old Barney boy will be
right here.

Morning, Mr. Mayor.

Morning, Fife.

Barn, uh, the mayor wants
to have a little look around

to send a report
to the governor's office.

To, uh, to the governor, uh-huh.

Yeah, and he wants us in it.

Oh.

Uh, Fife, your files, please.

Y-Y-Yes, sir, Mr. Governor...

Mr. Mayor.

Uh, Fife...

Hmm?

Oh, that's my, my shoe.

:
I was, I wa-uh-uh... shining it.

Here you are, Mr. Mayor,
files.

What's that smell?

Uh...

I've been painting.

Excuse me.

Sheriff's office.

Yes, this is Barney boy.

Uh, this, this is
deputy Fife speaking.

This is an official telephone

to be used only
for official business.

I will see you
at 8:00 tonight.

Crank. Just
another crank.

What we really need
is an unlisted number.

Won't you have
a seat, Mr. Mayor?

Sit down.

Thank you.

Make yourself real comfortable.

Sit down.

That's it.

Comfortable
in the governor's chair.

In-in the mayor's...
Chair... chair.

There's a pencil
in the top drawer.

Thank you.

That's my lunch.

Usually I have tuna fish

but today I thought
I'd have trout.

Nice and fresh.

Mayor, I-I believe
I can explain that.

What was that?

What's what?
I didn't hear any baby cry.

Did you, Andy?

It's coming from that cell.

Why, it is a baby.

Aww...!

Oh, this is, this is Jeremy

Ms. Ambrose's baby.

She brings him in here
once in a while

when she comes uptown
to go to the store.

And you permit this?

You-you let this baby-sitting

on taxpayers' time?!

Barney.

♪ Di, di, di, di...

I believe he knows you.

He's cute, ain't he?

Sheriff... none of this
is going to look too good

on my report to the governor.

Oh, morning, sheriff.

Excuse me.

Ms. Morgan.

Oh, come on in,
Ms. Morgan.

Jess, your wife's here.

Yeah.

Releasing a prisoner?

That's right.

What release form do you use?

I don't use a release form.

I just turn him loose.

Remember now, Jess,
that's for three days.

You be back here
Wednesday at 5:00.

All right, I'll be back.

He'll be back?

That's right.

Now, I-I don't understand this.

Hasn't he served his sentence?

No, not quite, but Jess's
got to harvest his crops

and get them in his Barn,
or they'll spoil

so I'm giving him
three days off.

Do you mean to stand there
and tell me

that you are releasing
a prisoner

before he has served
his full sentence?!

No. I'm just kind of
splitting the sentence up.

'Cause, like I say, Jess's got
to get his crops in his Barn.

Well, he should have thought
of that before.

After all, sheriff,
we are not running a hotel here.

If I was to include
in my report to the governor

the fact that
you are releasing prisoners

before they have served
their full time

this could result in severe,
severe disciplinary measures

being taken against you.

I want the prisoner
to serve his full time.

Is that clear?

Is that clear?

Yes, mayor, very clear.

Now, remember, Jess,
you be back in three days.

Thank you, sheriff.

Andy, you're not going
to get in any trouble?

Let me worry about that.

To tell you the truth

with a mayor like that

I-I got half a mind
not to come back at all.

You're just asking
for trouble for both of us.

Now, that mayor means business.

Barney, Jess will be
back in three days

and that'll be the end of it.

What if he don't come back?

He said he had half a mind
not to come back.

What about that, huh

Hey, Barn!

Okay.

What you keeping
the door locked for?

We don't even have a prisoner.

That's just why
I'm keeping it locked.

The way that mayor
runs all over town,

he's liable to come in here
any second.

Well, let him come in.

Wouldn't that be just lovely

with that cell empty
and Jess Morgan gone?

Now we got away with it

for two whole days.

We may not be so lucky today.

What do you want me to do?

Let's go out
and pick up Jess Morgan

and bring him in here right now.

I told him he had
till 5:00.

Andy, we've already
given him two whole days.

A couple more hours ain't
going to mean that much to him.

It might prevent a real disaster for us.
What do you say?

I can't do that, Barn.

Jess said he'd be back
at 5:00.

If we go runnin'
out there ahead of time

it'll show that we don't think
Jess's word means a thing.

And like Jess Morgan

he ain't got too much more
than his word.

You take that away from him

he's really got nothing.
Yeah.

Well, I'm going home
and eat lunch.

Hey, listen!

In case the mayor was to come by

if I was you, I'd get all
the fish out of the drawers.

Oh, yeah.

There's no fish in there!

Afternoon, deputy.

What's the matter with you?

I'll just read it later.

I was just on my way
over to see you.

I want to finish studying
that folder I was looking at.

You want...

Y-Y-You can't do that.

You're a very busy man.

I'll have it delivered.

Nonsense. Come on.

Oh, wait a minute.

I left my briefcase
in the barber shop.

I'll be right with you.

Deputy?

Deputy?

Deputy?

Uh, you there.

Morgan?

Is the deputy here?

Prisoner unguarded.

Howdy, mayor.

Looking for me?

Well, I'm certainly
looking for somebody.

What do you mean?

I'll tell you what I mean.

I was by your jail just now

and there was nobody there.

Nobody.

Oh, well, I believe
I can explain that.

I give the matter
a whole lot of consideration

and it seemed to me the best
interests could be served

by letting Jess go on home
for three days.

But don't you worry.

He'll be back by 5:00
this afternoon.

You let him...

But I saw him in...

Sheriff, I want to see you
in your office. Now!

Uh, Morgan?

Hmm?

The deputy isn't here, is he?

Hmm-mm.

You know,
I've been reconsidering.

Maybe the sheriff has a point.

How would you like to get out?

Hmm-mm.

Why not?

I thought you were so anxious
to bring in your crop.

Mm-hmm.

Well, what's all the rush,
mayor?

I was worried
about your prisoner

what with nobody here.

Prisoner?

Jess, what are you
doing back so soon?

I offered to release him.

Mighty strange
he didn't want to go.

All right, Fife!

Get up from there!

Get up from there at once!

Barney, you didn't
have to do that.

Sheriff, where is your prisoner?

Mayor, he's working
his farm like I said.

And he'll be back.

Oh, he'll be back.

Yes, he told me he would.

He told you.

Yes, and I believe him.

Here's something else
you'd better believe.

Sheriff, you'd better
go out there and find him

and bring him back.

If he's still in the county.

He is and he'll be here.

Sheriff, you'd better see to it.

Because after the governor
hears about this

somebody else might
just be wearing that badge.

Can you see that clock
all right?

From where I stand

it says 25 minutes
after 5:00.

And it says
a lot more than that.

He could be just a little late.

I have given you
an extra 25 minutes

and I have given him
an extra 25 minutes

and I don't think
he's coming back

and I don't think
he ever was coming back

and now do you believe me?

Mayor, something
must have happened

or Jess would have been here.

If you want to,
we can go out to his house

and see what's wrong.

Yes. Let's just
do that.

Jess's house is right
through the woods up there.

We'll take a shortcut.

All right, let's go.

Hey, wait!

What?

Look.

Up in that tree.

Well, that's Jess.

Jess, what you doing
up in that tree?

He's hiding out is what.

He heard us coming

and he climbed up
in that tree to hide.

Jess, you come down from there.

Nope!

Morgan, you come down
from there.

Not just yet, mayor.

I ain't about to.

You come down from that tree

or we're coming up and get you.

I wouldn't do that
if I was you, mayor.

Reckon why he won't come down.

Well, while you're reckoning

I'm going up and get him.

Help!

Help!

There's a bear in there!

Run, Barn!

I tried to tell you, mayor,
but you wouldn't listen.

You see, mayor.

If you'd let me
run my own office

Jess wouldn't be up in that tree

and you wouldn't
be up there beside him

with your clothes all tore up

and we wouldn't be down here

with a bear in our back seat.

You beat everything.

You know that?

Barney, what are you fussing
with yourself for?

Oh, I got a date.

Oh. Down by the duck pond?

Yeah.

Oh, hi, Andy.

Hi, Barney.

You leaving?

Well, yeah,
in a little while. Why?

Oh, nothing.

Mayor come up with something
he wants done, but it can wait.

Well, no, no, let's...
Let's do it. Let's do it.

No, no, it can wait.

No, no,
let's not get him riled up.

If it needs done, let's do it.

What is it?

Well, you know, Willow Lane,
down by the duck pond?

Yeah.

Well, he's got the idea it's got
to be a regular lovers' Lane,

and he wants these...
These signs put up.